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Minatozaki Sana is one of Mina’s dearest friends. She’s supportive, so supportive that she even decided to go to her best friend’s book signing event. Tzuyu and Dahyun though, decided to sit this one out. Book signing event takes hours and it’s the same thing every time. Mina gets someone’s book, embraces all the love and compliments they’re going to shower her with and she strikes back with a few remarks (just for them to know that she's listening.) The two think it’s worse that they’re not even the one receiving the praise so they just thought to make it up to the writer through dinner.
Enough of that, Sana rushes into the small bookstore just in time. “I finished it!” Sana announces a bit louder than she thought she could've said it. She realizes that she garnered attention and made a mental note to tone it down. Then, the orange-haired girl slowly approaches the writer. “Hey.” Mina finishes signing the book of the fan that came before Sana and looks up at her friend. “That’s surprisingly fast, considering you just started today.” The older girl couldn’t tell if that sarcastic or not, but she doesn’t make a big deal out of it. “Sorry, Mitang.” It wasn’t a big deal to Mina though. Maybe she just wasn’t feeling as good as she thought she would be once her book’s launched. Like a reflex, the writer reaches out for Sana’s book. Sana didn’t know how to describe the atmosphere. It’s both awkward and comfortable. But, she tries to start a conversation while Mina flips the pages of her book. “You know, my favorite’s the ending.” Sana says while slowly sitting down in front of her friend. Mina smiles at her friend’s comment. “But it’s a sad ending?” Mina conversing with her meant the awkwardness was slowly dying down so Sana sits more comfortably now. “Yeah… but you know how I am. I’m always the optimistic… I think reading the final pages made me realize that there’s more to life than happy endings.” Mina's subtle smile fades as she reaches the last page— 328. Huh, what a coincidence? Mina thought. She read the last page and, it brings her back to 2015.
"I think, Sharon, it's time to be free. I think it's best that we let go."
Sharon sniffs and tries her best to compose herself. Although her heart is beating fast (which, is not in the good way, by the way), she wanted her best to come up with a rational response. "Nami" She starts off with. "Before you leave, I have one request."
Nami loved Sharon and until this last moment, she would grant any of the later's request. She wants Sharon to end this in the way she wants to. In that way, she believes it will be easier for her partner to let go on the other end too. And so, she nods while lifting her mouth into a small curve. There was no right reason; she just she wanted to keep the atmosphere going.
"Say those words again." Sharon suddenly gave herself a bit time to think through what she's about to say before she says it out loud but who cares, she says back to herself. "Leave me again. But this time... let me close my eyes." She requested one last time like a death bed but for their dying relationship. Nami had no choice but to do so. This didn't stop Sharon's tears from falling though.
Tighter than before, Nami holds both of Sharon's hands. She's afraid to let go but she's afraid that this is what's best for them as well. Their whole relationship was like a nibbled cable, only one last millimeter of wire holding it together. Cutting that last wire could prevent a short circuit, a building on fire even. Nami's deep breaths are more evident than Sharon's. Just like the girl being left, she tries her best to stop herself crying, and she bites her lips to do so too.
"Sharon, I think what we had is a good thing. I loved you and you loved me. There is not a moment that we, or at least from my side, did I ever not love you." Nami pauses. What she said made no sense and it's about to become into a bigger nonsense but she continues anyway. "Sometimes, no matter how perfect and enough something is, there still could be something wrong and missing. And no," Nami stops Sharon before she asks what could it be. What is that "wrong" or "missing" she can change. What is that loose end that maybe, she can tie back into a knot. "I don't know what it is as well. But what I do know is that it's not on you. I also know that good things come to an end. And no matter how much I want what we have, I think I need to cut it short as well. So this is me, letting you go." There were a few stutters, pauses, breaths here and there. And just like that, the receiving end's heart shattered all over again. Nami gently and slowly lets go of her beloved's hands. Savoring what was in the last few moments until she takes one, ten, hundred steps away.
Closing my eyes was a bad idea. Because while I didn't see how she let go of my hands, my ears became attentive to what she had to say. And now, there so many ways than one can I magine how she left me.
Did she do it with a smile?
Did she feel "free" after?
Did she lie and held unto another woman's arms after?
Did she really mean it, with her eyes, that indeed there was not a moment that she did not love me?
But, it was a good thing too. I didn't know which direction she decided to leave. It stops me from running, from searching, and from telling her to reconsider her decision. It stops me from begging her to give us another chance, when honestly, there's nothing left to save.
And just like that, Sharon opens her eyes again. This time, even if she tries, there's no more tears left to cry.
fin.
Mina closes her eyes once again, connecting with the characters she wrote. She takes a deep breath while remembering the lyrics of the song she was listening to when she was towards the end of finishing her book.
Just listen, here we are again
Through the fire, through the rain
The roads we crossed, they built story of us
Here we are again
And I still feel the same
You and I, we write the story of us
(Story Of Us, 조유리 (JOYURI))
Then, she opens her eyes and lets out a smile, sweeter than Nami in that last paragraph. She signs on the space below the word that finishes the last chapter of her book. She does this with a light touch. Afterwhich, she hands her book to her friend. "Thank you." Mina whispers, like her heart's crying for help, that soon she'd be free of this pain. Sana knew that if her friend would want to talk about it, she will. Right now, all she can say is, "Always, Mitang. I'm always here for you." She flashes her ever-sweet smile and in hopes of easing it, she holds Mina's hand. "I'll see you at dinner then?" Mina nods and Sana leaves.
As if destiny had a better timing, the chimes on the glass door entrance played harmoniously, making sure everyone in the book store knew someone went in. She saw two women– one she's familiar with, even if she's seen her just in the corner of her eye, and one that appears foreign to her.
The newcomer approaches the writer, "So, I'm looking for Myoui Mina-ssi?" and she flashed her grin full of charm, it's the two front bunny teeth that does most of the work. "Im Nayeon." The tone of Mina's greeting is sweet but her smile influences a bit bitterness to it. The writer then gestures Nayeon and her new friend to take a seat. Nayeon hands Mina the book and just like a routine she used to know in her high school dance club, her hands and fingers just knew what to do.
While Mina was signing the book, Nayeon breaks the ice. "So, Mina, it's been a while." And Mina answers with a brief, "Yes" which didn't really mean anything bad to them. The two always knew that between them, Nayeon was the talker and Mina was the listener. Yes, was. They need a lot of catching up to do. "This is Jeongyeon," the older girl thought it was just respectful to introduce her company. Mina shook hands with the new acquaintance and closed the book she finished signing. "my girlfriend." Nayeon continues. Mina returns the book, and Nayeon accepts it with a hint of care in her touch.
The younger girl doesn't entirely know what she should feel. For God's sake, it's been years! Although Nayeon gave her the closure that night, closing her eyes made her feel like she was ghosted. It didn't feel right to her. It may be a lie that closing her eyes was her true heart's request that night but it'd be two lies if she didn't admit to herself that her heart's sunken with this news. It feels—
A buzz jumps both Nayeon and Mina off, like they were both lost in their thoughts. Jeongyeon panics for a bit and checks her pockets to feel in which was her cellphone in, "Oh, i-it's Momo." She slowly stands up and excuses herself. "I should uhh- take this." She tells both of them and walks outside the bookstore.
After the blonde left, Nayeon immediately explains to Mina. "I-I'm sorry, Mina. Momo's her boss and she's got something big for her right now. I-I'm really sorry if that came out too–" Mina stops her to reassure her. "No, it's okay. It's just a call and plus, we didn't really talk. She interrupted nothing." The younger girl smiles, a bit more genuine this time (but the hint of biterness didn't leave).
Nayeon adjusts herself into her seat and tries to talk to Mina. "So, why 'Story of Us'?" Today, Mina feels more confused than ever. She had her logic to back her up but her heart keeps feeling these... things. Some feel nostalgic, some feel new. She responded anyway. "'Story of Us' was the name of the song I was listening to while writing it." She smiles again, as if her jaw won't grow tired and her old lover won't notice a thing. Years might have gone by, but she's still that soft-spoken, woman with few words, Nayeon said to herself. She might not have realized but along with that thought, she slowly smiled like an idiot.
Jeongyeon then, really, interrupts this time. She opened the door and converses with her girl friend from outside. "Honey, Momo said there's something in the firm waiting for me. It'd be better if you come too but if you don't like, it's fine too!" Nayeon looks at Jeongyeon then at Mina. After a few seconds, she makes a decision.
"Alright! I'll come in a bit." Nayeon says back at Jeongyeon. Not too loud that everyone would be into their business but enough for the receiving end to get the message so the blonde waits outside. "That's you, I guess." Mina shyly laughs for seconds.
Nayeon stands up from her seat but she feels something wrong. So, when Mina stands up from her seat, Nayeon says something with her head down, looking at something to distract her from what she's about to do. "No." She said it firmly which shocked Mina. Mina was flustered and asked her before the older girl could make a scene. "W-what?" And Nayeon replied. "No." She gathers courage to lift her chin up. She gathers courage to look at Mina's eyes and not fall into them again. She gathers courage to face the woman she used to love, and leave her with no questions. Because she knows that is what Mina deserves. "I was exactly how you last saw me." She pauses. Can I really do this? she asks herself. She saw the book in the palm of her hands and makes another decision.
"I didn't smile." Suddenly, the younger girl looks as if she's starting to get it, but also with a hint of confusion. "I said what I said but it took time for me to be free." Mina slowly starts picking up her stuff. Can I take this all once again? This time, with my eyes open? she asks herself. Then, Mina understood everything completely. She can't that's why she's internally panicking. Even if Nayeon knew she'd go nowhere because it was her that was supposed to leave (again), she'd stop her. Nayeon slams the table to keep Mina sane but not enough for Jeongyeon to hear her from outside. Not enough for her girlfriend to question what they were doing. She figured she can't hold Mina's hands, it'd be dangerous for the both of them. The familiarity, the warmth, the love that only the two of them used to share. Nayeon then lifts Mina's chin and replies to another question from the book. "No, I did not held unto anyone else. I walked home, devastated in bed, thinking if I really made the right decision." And there it is, what Nayeon was scared of. Mina's eyes that could be so tempting to fall into. Mina's eyes that shine with hope and love. "And I did. I meant that there was not a moment that I did not love you." And there goes what frightened Mina as well. The eyes, they never lie... and she saw how sincere Nayeon was in letting those words get to her.
Just when Mina was about to take a big risk, "But," Nayeon stops her. "That is what it was." Mina loses the hope in her eyes. "Mina, I don't want to be called assuming or the person who thinks someone like you would still love me after everything all these years." Well, I mean, Mina said to herself. Who wouldn't? She kids to herself in hopes of it hurting less, but it did more. "But just to be sure, I'm sorry if I hurt you again. After reading that book, I just thought you needed this. And this time, I needed you to see, hear, feel, taste–" To which the older girl's hands followed accordingly, pulling in the writer into a kiss on her cheek. A soft, slow and long one. One that she wanted to last in her. "what I really meant. One that has your mind and heart opened to it so that you'll really be free." Nayeon caresses Mina's cheeks and slowly lets go.
Nayeon felt as if she had more to say but that's all she had on her mind. And so, she grabs her coffee and meets Jeongyeon half way through the door. But before she left, Mina called her one last time. "Nayeon!" To which, she responded attentively. "Thank you." Mina pauses for a while seeing Jeongyeon. "Soon, Sharon might be free too." Nayeon smiled at that and set a foot forward but something stopped her. She plays with her coffee's lid for a while, drawing imaginary circles on it. "Hey, Minari!" Mina did the same for her. "What about," Nayeon looks at her hand that's full. "let's have coffee some time?" Mina smiled, this one the most genuine she flashed that day, maybe even the first eversince that night. "I'd love that." They both nod and head their ways.
She might have lost hope for a bit, but she'll always have love in her eyes. Nayeon thinks to herself on their way to the firm.
"She writes and then crumples the paper
She thinks of the perfect words to describe what is was
But, an epiphany arrived for the writer
That she should not wrack her brain for anything
What it was, was enough
That it was the last thing she'd like to share to the world
And that, that would be the last time she'll write about her"
Mina thinks of rhymes, but like how Nayeon set Sharon free, it also set Mina free. That night, she learned how to write freeverse poems. (And, she also realized to not write a non-fiction again. Who knows who'll be at her doorstep?)