Chapter Text
I knew when I asked you to be cool about what I was telling you
You'd do the opposite of what you said you'd do
And I'd end up more afraid
Don't say it isn't fair
You clearly weren't aware that you made me miserable
Wilhelm probably should have put more thought into if he should have sent that message or not, be more mindful and possibly plan where a conversation would even go if Simon said yes but here he is sat in his room rereading the text he just sent Simon a week after they returned from Christmas break.
hi, can you come to my room and we can talk? please
He sent the message nine minutes ago and hasn't received a reply yet. He puts his phone down on the desk and gets up and starts pacing the room and focusing on his breathing to ease his nerves. He really didn't want to face the fact that maybe Simon never wanted to talk to him again, he didn't even look his way in class the many times Wille tried to make eye contact. He knows he hurt him and Simon made himself clear that day outside his house but Wilhelm feels it takes a level of willpower he doesn't have to not talk to him when they still see each other in class everyday.
His thoughts are rattled when he hears a knock on his door, "Crown Prince Wilhelm, Simon is here to see you"
And suddenly Wille wants to disappear. He wishes he got a text back first to prepare for what was about to happen. He swallows the lump in his throat, fixes his hair before walking over to open the door, seeing Simon standing there, reserved and almost restrained.
"Thanks for coming" He mutters stepping aside to let him in and closing the door behind himself.
"Why did you text me?" Simon ask immediately standing in the middle of the room.
"You can---um sit down if you want" Wille offers
Simon shakes his head, his hand holding onto his elbow of the opposite arm as if he's intentionally trying to take up the least amount of space as possible, "Why did you text me?" He repeats
Wille sat down on the edge of the bed, "I just wanted to see you." He confesses. "See how you were"
Simon deeply sighs and closes his eyes as if he's containing his frustration. He glances out the window and then suddenly can't help himself but close the curtain, immediately feeling triggered at the mere sight of the open curtains, "I get why you did that but you can't. Not anymore, okay?"
"We can't even be friends?"
"How exactly are we supposed to do that? I can't even be seen with you or its going to confirm everything you already denied to the public"
Wille's jaw tightens as he picks at the skin below his nail, "You know I didn't want to do that"
"Wille, I don't want to talk about that. Please. It happened already so.."
He hadn't expected Simon to have so much rage inside of him. He's never really seen Simon angry and quite honestly it was making Wille feel so small that the boy he loved most didn't even want to look at him, "It just sucks to see you so mad at me" He confesses
"Im not mad at you" Simon chokes up. "Its just hard. I'm upset at the whole situation and seeing and talking to you doesn't help at all. I get that it was out of your control and I know I ended things but it still doesn't mean I wasn't hurt. That I didn't spend all of break crying over it because I obviously would prefer to be with you"
Wille can't break the gaze he has on the ground as he chews on his hangnail, "Would you still be here if I said it was me in the video? " He wonders aloud
That seems to be the turning point for Simon and maybe he should have kept that thought to himself,"Why are you doing this?" Simon breaks down. "Asking me stuff like this. What's the point of asking what if if its not possible, Wille. You're only making things worst. I don't want to imagine what would have happened if you owned up to it being you, if you didn't let me go through it alone because you didn't do that. So what's the point in hurting myself by thinking how things could be different? And you know they would be different if you did what you told me you would. You know we would still be together so I just don't get---" Simon sighs, completely exhausted and frustrated, wiping his tears away, "Im going to go".
"No." Willie jumps up, grabbing his arm, "Please dont"
Simon wipes away his tears, "Why do you want to keep hurting me like this? What was the point of me coming here?"
The prince is visibly anxious and uncomfortable and unsure what to say. He feels like being honest and saying yes, I was a bit selfish and really missed you and wanted to talk to you and this was my shitty attempt wouldn't go over well so instead he says "I love you"
But that doesn't seem to be the right thing to say either. He doesn't remember talking with Simon ever being so tough. Its something that always came so natural for them.
"Wille, stop." Simon groans, pushing the prince's arm off of him. It felt like Wille constantly was trying to remind him of what they couldn't have.
"Im hurting too, Simon. You don't think I hate this? That I regret listening to my mom? That I put you through this and didn't stand up for us? I know its my fault, I know that but its s-so hard" His voice shakes. You have no idea how hard it is. I-I tried. I told my mom I wanted to be with you. I tried to fight for us. Im doing my best considering everything. Everyone thinks I'm supposed to have it all figured out because Im the crown prince but I'm only 16, I don't know what I'm doing" It physically hurts his throat to hold back his tears so he finally allows himself to cry. . "I don't know how I'm supposed to handle all of this. I can't even figure out how to speak to you anymore"
Simon exhales deeply and sits on the bed beside Wille and pulls him into his arms and they sit in that silence for a bit, both quietly crying. He holds him like he did the first time Wilhelm asked him to, the morning after he rescued him. The morning they confessed their feelings for each other, verbally and physically. He wishes someone could rescue him now, he wishes they could flashback to those moments and do it all over again. The things he would do to feel Wille's lips on his again, his fingers grazing his cheek.
"I don't know what I'm doing either, Wille." Simon eventually confesses. "I'm still dealing with the sex tape stuff and people recognizing me and then the announcement you made denying it and then when you came to see me. Its like everything was going to shit at once and I'm still dealing with all of that. I know we are both going through a lot. I understand how hard it is for you to be like torn between doing what you want and what you have to do. I can only imagine how tough it is and as much as I want to be here for you, I can't. It still hurts. And Wille, you can't just call me when you want to see me, If we can't be together how we both need then we can't do this." Willie chokes on his own tears at the harsh realization, sinking further into Simon's arms.
"Its just going to be really confusing for both of us so I think we still need to put distance between us. You know I'll always care about you though, right?"
Willie pulls up from Simon's chest, face and eyes pinkened. Simon resists the urge to push Wille's hair out of his face and behind his ear,"I don't like that you're saying it like you're never going to talk to me again" Wilhelm says.
Simon shrugs and Wille narrows his gaze incredously, "You don't want to talk again? Not even as friends?"
"But how Wille? There's too many feelings there and even if there weren't, your mom would never let you be seen with me in public so how would being friends work?"
Wilhelm doesn't know and frankly doesn't care but doesn't want to accept that he and Simon will never be anything. When he doesn't say anything, Simon says, "Im gonna go, is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"
"I just need you to know that I didn't want any of this to play out the way it did. I tried fighting for us and if it was my choice, I wouldn't keep you a secret. But I just really love you and I hope that eventually you'll feel okay at least being friends"
Simon nods, "I want you to know that I feel the same way you feel towards me"
Wille nods, biting down on his quivering lips, understanding that maybe Simon didn't want to say those words but the feeling was mutual. Simon smiles and pulls in for a tight hug that they linger in, "Please find someone to talk to. I don't want you to go through this alone"
Its only you I want to talk to, Wille thinks but he just nods anyway. He squeezes Simon tighter and the curly haired boy pecks his cheek before standing up and looks in the mirror, "I look crazy" He chuckles, wiping his puffy eyes.
"You look beautiful" Wille admits honestly looking up at him and Simon looks his way and gives a visibly heartbroken smile, I'll see you around"
Wille nods and looks away, unable to watch Simon open his door and walk away. He hears the door shut and looks up and sees Malin standing there, "Would you like a hug?"
He never needed one more and jumps up and envelops her into a warm hug as he allows himself to cry again. He doesn't know how things have come to this, where the one person he has to cry to is his bodyguard but when she reassures him that he'll be okay, it's all that matters for now.