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Serena knew that to Ash, this wasn’t a date. She would have put money on the thought not even having crossed his mind. But as they walked together through Lumiose City, it wouldn’t leave hers.
Ash was uncharacteristically quiet as she led him to the outskirts, where buildings which stretched into the starless night sky stopped against the flat expanse of the ocean. Several wooden benches were dotted along a pathway lit by tasteful, old-fashioned streetlamps with golden fairy lights strung between them. The water glittered gently far below them, peaceful and quiet.
Away from their friends back at the Pokémon Centre, the noise of the city’s nightlife, and the omnipresence that was Pikachu, the night felt intimate, like a moment cherry-picked for just the two of them.
Serena felt herself flush at the thought.
She stopped at the low fence separating the city from the sea and looked straight down to where the water was gently sloshing against the city’s foundation. She could taste the salty sea breeze as it tousled her hair and closed her eyes briefly to enjoy the sensation, hoping the cool air would help to settle the redness she could feel in her cheeks.
“Serena?”
Snapping out of her reverie, Serena looked at Ash. He was looking directly back at her, fiddling with the brim of his hat.
“Are you okay?” he said. Serena couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m fine, Ash." His concerned expression softened into one of relief and he smiled back at her.
“Oh, well, I’m glad,” he said, and then glanced at their surroundings. “So… Why did you bring me here?”
This, Serena didn’t have a reply for. ‘Because I’m working up the courage to tell you I love you’ was not a viable answer, no matter what Serena knew Bonnie would say.
She decided to stretch the truth a little.
“I just wanted to spend some time with you,” she said. “You’ve been so busy with your training lately, so I thought this would be a good chance for you to relax a little.” Suddenly worried that she was being too forward, she hastily added, “And the city is beautiful at night!”
Ash watched her for a moment. Then he grinned at her in a way that made her stomach flip.
“Thanks, Serena, that’s really thoughtful of you.” She knew that he genuinely meant it. Ash always meant every word he said. “And you’re right, the city is incredible.”
Serena couldn’t help but admire him as he rested his forearms on the fence and leant back to look at the sparkling city. The cheesy thought that he was incredible was dangerously close to her lips, but she kept them shut tight, guarding a secret she did not yet have the courage to spill.
She admired the way the breeze ruffled his hair and clothes, and how the lights made his tanned skin glow. His eyes, which usually shone with a curious yet addictive blend of mischief, heart, and determination, now glistened quietly in the lamplight, completely at ease.
This was it. This was the moment, she could feel it—
But she couldn’t do it.
Serena tore her eyes from him and looked out at the city, feeling suddenly defeated.
She was too scared of rejection. She couldn’t risk ruining everything they had. He was a dream for her – every big decision in her life up until this point she had made with Ash in mind, and the thought of losing someone she had worked so hard to find was too much. The risk of tarnishing everything great about her life right now was too much. Longing in silence was a small price to pay for keeping their friendship.
Except – she knew this wasn’t true.
After a long silence, Ash looked over suddenly. Something about her expression must have betrayed her turmoil, because he frowned. “Uh, you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. Really,” she said, lying through her smile.
Here she was, alone with Ash in the most beautiful city they had ever travelled to – so beautiful it had earned the title the City of Love – and she still couldn’t confess how she felt about him. This was the perfect moment. Everything about it formed a flawless backdrop for a confession of love, but she just couldn’t work up the nerve. A plan which had taken her weeks to weave had turned to threads in mere moments.
She knew she needed a push, but the only person who really inspired her was the one person she couldn’t turn to for help.
Or… could she?
Serena looked at Ash, who had gone back to watching the cityscape, then dropped her eyes to the ground. Just this once, she decided, she was going to be impulsive. She looked back at him.
“Ash?”
“Hm?” He tilted his head slightly in her direction.
Serena swallowed, feeling as though she was standing atop Prism Tower. It felt like an age ago that she had watched him from the safety of her living room, her heart in her throat as he'd thrown himself from the top of it. She’d thought he was mad. She’d thought he was incredible. She still thought those things, only now there was so much more. “Can I ask for your advice on something?”
Serena wasn’t sure whether it was the hesitancy in her voice, or the nature of the question that caught Ash’s attention. Either way, he turned to completely face her. “Of course,” he said seriously.
Serena tried to swallow again, but her throat was too dry. “If there was something you really wanted to say to someone. Something you needed to tell them, but it might ruin the relationship the two of you have… What would you do?”
Ash frowned. Serena could almost see the cogs turning in his mind as he thought. “I guess that depends on who the person is,” he said finally.
“They’re a very close friend,” Serena said quickly. “And telling them could ruin everything.” She cringed slightly, conscious of how close to home her imagined scenario was already, but Ash didn’t seem to notice. She hoped to rely on his obliviousness for a little longer.
“But it’s something you really need to say?” asked Ash. Serena nodded, chewing her lip nervously. “Well, what if it didn’t ruin everything?”
Serena blinked at the simple answer. “But it might!” she insisted, but Ash shook his head.
“If that person is really as close to you as you say, then they wouldn’t be a true friend if they let anything get in the way of that. Especially not something as important to you as this is. Whatever it is.” He finished with a small shrug and a sheepish smile.
“So… what you’re saying is that they would be fine with everything just because they’re my friend?” she asked, almost desperately.
Ash winced. “Not… necessarily,” he said carefully. “But a friend should hear you out and do their best to not let anything come between you.”
“Oh.” Serena crossed her arms self-consciously. Taking his advice on board, she rehearsed the confession in her mind. She thought the words at him and tried to imagine his reaction, but it had been a long time since she had played pretend and her imagination no longer stretched that far. Ash’s probably would. She wondered for a moment if she and Ash were even compatible, then shook the thought from her mind as quickly as it had reared its ugly head.
Even after encouragement from Ash himself, she was wrought with self doubt.
He didn't know the nature of her question, so who was she to say that he would follow his own advice? Ash was notoriously blind to certain emotions, love being the most prominent. He would rather battle than talk, and Serena hadn’t known him to show romantic interest in anyone. Her careful prodding during one of their many late night conversations around a campfire had confirmed that all of Ash’s past female companions had been friends, and nothing more. (Although from Bonnie’s smirk, Serena suspected she hadn’t been quite so covert as she’d hoped.)
A hand on her shoulder jolted her from her quickly spiralling thoughts. Her skin seemed to tingle under Ash’s touch.
“Serena…” he said, sounding more concerned than she had ever heard him. “Does this have anything to do with why you brought me out here tonight?”
Serena’s heart suddenly found itself in her throat. Apparently, Ash wasn’t as dense as she had thought. Or perhaps he was more insightful than she gave him credit for. Either way, she couldn’t deny him this. She cared too much to lie. She gave him a meek nod, her mouth in a firm line as her gaze dropped to her boots.
Probably realising he wasn’t going to get any more out of her, Ash removed his hand from her shoulder. Serena felt a sudden chill as the contact disappeared, and she missed it immediately. “Come on, Serena. Whatever it is, we can sort it out.”
Serena slowly looked back up at him, willing away the tears which suddenly pricked at her eyes. This was a moment she would remember for the rest of her life, and she refused to spend it crying. “Ash, would you ever think that we couldn’t be friends?”
The question had obviously surprised him, as his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “No way!” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “We’ll always be friends, no matter what.”
The gentle breeze picked up against her back like it was trying to push her towards Ash. She took a breath. “Even if I wanted to be more?”
Her stomach dropped like she had just jumped from a great height. There it was. Her greatest secret, finally out in the open. There was no going back now. She couldn’t change her mind even if she wanted to. Her dress brushed her knees in the wind and her hat sat firmly on her head, yet Serena had never felt more exposed.
The silence between them grew long, heavy with the weight of her confession. Serena forced herself to stay and face him. She refused to run, no matter how much her feet itched to.
Then, Ash said, “What do you mean?”
Serena suspected that Ash knew exactly what she meant. There was a faint red tint beneath the tan of his cheeks and his eyes didn’t hold the naivety that was usually present whenever Serena’s hopeless crush on him was hinted upon, usually by Miette looking to stir up trouble. Instead, he appeared hesitant, a look that Serena had very rarely seen him wear. He seemed younger and less self-assured.
“I…” Serena found herself at a loss of what to say. How could she possibly put into words what she had been feeling for so many years? She had replayed in her mind this scene over and over again. For the length of their travels together, her dreams had been flooded with her and Ash and the two of them, together. She had rehearsed this. Yet somehow, she felt woefully ill-prepared.
Serena struggled to find the right words. But then, Ash often struggled too. He liked action, not feelings, and for once, Serena was going to speak the only language he knew.
Leaving herself no time to rethink her decision and back out as she knew she inevitably would, Serena placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled him towards her. He made a sound of surprise, but Serena couldn’t see his expression as her eyes had closed. She leant in, and then finally felt her lips press against his. He tensed under her touch slightly, and when she pulled away and opened her eyes, she saw that his were wide and shining. His mouth had dropped open.
Serena couldn't hear the waves beneath them over the sound of her heart thundering in her ears, and she tried to not look as nervous as she felt. She pulled her arms back and folded them behind herself. She pressed her lips together, desperately wishing that he would say something and not just stand there, gawking at her like a Magikarp. She couldn’t believe what she had just done, but there was no room for pride when Ash had yet to react.
“Serena…” Ash seemed at a loss for words, and all at once, the elation of having kissed him came crashing down.
He was rejecting her – her worst fears were becoming a reality. Before he had the chance to crush her any further, Serena spoke, the words flowing faster than she could think. “I – I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! It’s just, I was thinking about what you said before – about, well, and how you didn’t say no, but it was obviously a huge misunderstanding and I’d understand if you’re angry at—”
“Serena!” Ash was smiling, and he let out a huff of laughter. “I’m not mad.”
“What?” Serena said, confused. “How could you not be mad?”
“I promise I’m not.” His eyes darted away from hers and looked toward the ground. If Serena didn’t know any better, she would have said he looked bashful. “I’m really not mad.” He scratched the back of his neck and looked back up at her hesitantly with an expression so shy that Serena felt as though her heart might burst. The blush on his cheeks was still there, only now it was more noticeable, a deeper shade of red having spread across his nose and up to his ears.
Suddenly, what he was attempting to get across to her really and truly sunk in.
He liked her.
Serena couldn’t stop the wide smile from spreading across her face even if she’d wanted to. “Really?” she asked, needing one, final confirmation.
“Yeah,” he replied, his cheeks somehow becoming redder. Serena didn’t want to think about how her own face looked. “I – um. Yeah.”
Serena very rarely heard him sound anything less than sure of himself, yet his nervousness in the face of emotion was so typically Ash, that if she wasn’t so shell-shocked, she would have laughed. “I can’t believe you—”
“Why wouldn’t I?” said Ash, already sounding more confident. “You’re really great, Serena.”
Once again, because he was Ash, she knew that he truly meant every word.
Lost in the moment, Serena tried not to jolt as she felt his hand touch hers. Though she didn’t know who initiated it, their fingers became tangled together. Ash’s were rough from years of travelling and Pokémon battles, and his ever-present gloves meant that their palms weren’t truly touching, but even still, this moment was more than Serena had ever dreamt it could be.
Unable to reply, she squeezed his hand and felt like she would melt as she felt him squeeze hers in return.
After a wonderful moment, Serena was the first to break eye contact and she looked out toward the city. Ash followed her gaze and together they leant back against the fence behind them. Hesitant at first, Serena carefully rested her head against his shoulder. When Ash shifted slightly to accommodate her, she became more confident and settled herself so that she was comfortably leaning against him. He let his head rest against hers, and although the night air was far from cold, she felt instantly warmer.
Minutes ago, Serena had been tearing herself up on the inside, feeling hideously lost and alone.
Now, she was hand in hand with her childhood crush. Another couple in the City of Love.