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I think I came back too late, Troy thinks to himself.
He’s lived a weird life - all the Greendale misadventures, the falling in love with his best friend, the being so heavily in denial about being in love with his best friend that he didn’t realize it until he was being held hostage by pirates in the Gulf of Mexico. The sailing around the world with his childhood hero - actual Geordi La Forge and Reading Rainbow host LeVar Burton - as his first mate, so he could inherit $14.3 million from his craziest, racist-est, deadest friend. Yeah. His life, at least since high school graduation, hasn’t been conventional in the least. There’s not a whole lot that can surprise him at this point.
Not a lot. But a couple things. Like seeing his own grave, apparently.
Troy C. Barnes
1989 - 2014
“He whom the Gods love dies young.”
There’s an eerie twisting sensation in his gut as he reads the inscription.
Not at the thought of dying, surprisingly enough. He’s come to terms with a lot of things since sailing the world - himself, his sexuality, what he wants, where he fits in the grand scheme of things, and his own mortality. One can only spend so much time on the open water before the self-reflection kicks in.
The sick feeling comes not from the gravestone, but from the thought of how it came to be. When was he officially presumed dead? How did that happen? How did everyone take it? His parents, his friends, his…
He swallows thickly. Abed, he thinks. He’s sure Abed chose this quote for the inscription, he has a way of finding words that resonate. He can’t imagine at all what was going through his head when he did. He tries to imagine the situation reversed, and he can’t. Can’t imagine himself living under the presumption of Abed being gone forever. Can’t imagine having a coherent thought through the grief. He can only think about it for a few seconds before it becomes too much to bear, anyway. Then the figurative pain in his gut shifts back to real pain, to crushing guilt and sorrow for what he’s put everyone through.
“I think I came back too late,” he repeats, out loud this time. The words hang heavy in the air as he slowly lowers himself to the ground, sits criss-crossed in front of the grave and sighs as he rests his forehead against the cool stone.
Needless to say, this wasn’t what he was expecting to come home to.
A small part of him knows he’s being dramatic. It’s never technically too late. But the majority of him is overwhelmed with the thought of trying to rebuild his life after this. It’s more-than-slightly fucked up. He wonders if he could simply disintegrate into the dirt instead.
There’s one major reason that he can’t, science notwithstanding. The reason he came home in the first place. His hands tremble in his lap slightly when he thinks about him. Just the thought of seeing his face again makes his knees too weak to stand back up.
“Troy?” He hears a broken whisper behind him.
He thinks it’s just in his head at first. He hears Abed’s voice all the time, it was one of the only things that kept him sane during those long, lonely nights at sea. But then it comes again: louder, clearer - shaky, but unmistakably real. He almost trips over his own feet trying to stand up and turn around at the same time.
He swears there’s some sort of angel chorus singing when their eyes meet. Abed’s eyes are as wide and dark and beautiful as he remembers. They’re also terrified, so Troy shoves down his urge to burst into tears of joy and takes a tentative step forward.
“Abed,” he whispers. Abed steps back quickly.
“Troy,” he clears his throat a little. “You’re… what are you doing here? You’re alive? Am I going insane again? I don’t under-”
“I’m here, buddy,” Troy interrupts him, and takes another step forward. This time, Abed doesn’t step back. He stands still, fists clenching and unclenching in what Troy recognizes as an attempt to ground himself. He waits for him to untense a little before he steps forward again.
“I’m alive,” he says gently. He keeps stepping forward carefully, like he’s approaching a skittish cat. “I’m sorry you guys thought I was dead, but I promise, I’m back. I’m here. I’m alive.”
With one more step forward, he’s close enough to reach out and take Abed’s hand, so he does. His skin is cool and clammy and he gasps when they make contact. Abed’s face is still riddled with cautious disbelief for a second before he closes his hand around Troy’s, tears spilling down his cheeks when he blinks. Then he finally throws himself forward, arms winding tightly around Troy’s shoulders. Troy hugs him right back, feels him shaking with silent sobs as he buries his head in the side of his neck. He just holds him, sways back and forth a little, rubs his hands in gentle circles over his back.
“I don’t understand,” Abed’s voice is muffled and teary when he finally speaks. Troy just hugs him even tighter.
“I know,” he breathes. “I know, buddy. I can explain. I have so much to tell you.”
He pulls back just a little. Abed resists at first, still clinging to him tightly, but he manages to move back a couple inches, just enough so he can see Abed’s face again. He looks shell-shocked still - eyes damp, cheeks blotchy and tear-stained. This is gonna have to be a delicate process, he tells himself. He can barely fathom how fragile Abed must be feeling right now as he moves his hands up to cup his face. Abed’s eyes flutter shut for a moment as he leans heavily into the touch. Troy uses his thumbs to wipe away his tear tracks on his cheeks.
Delicate process, he reminds himself as Abed opens his eyes again. Still, there’s one thing that absolutely can’t wait. The tug in his chest as he looks into Abed’s eyes reminds him as much - there’s a reason he came home. He takes a deep breath and moves in close, so close that their noses brush together as his arms loop around Abed’s neck. Abed bites back a whimper at the touch, and it’s now or never, he figures as he pulls him in, closing the tiny gap in between their lips. It’s soft and light as a feather, barely even a kiss, but that doesn’t lessen the volume of the tidal wave of emotion crashing in his chest. All those years of confused longing and unfathomable love have led to this, and even though it only lasts a second, it’s just as momentous as it ought to be.
His heart is racing when he pulls back, when he hesitantly opens his eyes to meet Abed’s gaze and he’s looking at him almost pleadingly. He nods a little as he steels himself for what he’s about to say next, hands moving to gently caress Abed’s cheeks again. He smiles tearfully.
“Starting with the fact that I’m in love with you.”