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Some important conversations happen because they need to happen. You spend a lot of time preparing for them because you want them to go perfectly and without any surprises.
Some important conversations happen naturally. When you and the other person both have something on your mind and, turn after turn, you help each other come to a conclusion.
And some important conversations happen because you let your mouth talk before your brain had the time to decide if you should say anything at all.
Most conversations Reki started in his life, no matter how important they were, happened because of the last reason.
He and Langa were laying on the floor in Reki’s room, heads next to each other but bodies turned into opposite directions, both of them on their phones with the screens and a streetlight in front of the house being the only sources of the light. It was late, they may have stayed in the skate park for a bit too long after sunset. Again. But skating in the dark was so much fun. Not only it wasn’t so hot anymore but they basically had the whole place to themselves. No more children accidentally running into them and ruining another trick. So why wouldn’t they use the opportunity?
The fact that after an evening like this Langa stayed over at Reki’s was also obvious at this point. His apartment was much further away, their moms didn’t mind, and they could spend more time together. No downsides.
The house was quiet. Everyone besides the two of them was probably already asleep, and the only sounds that filled the room were the crickets outside the open window and an occasional car passing by in the distance. Reki enjoyed the comfortable silence between them. Langa was one of the few people with whom Reki didn’t feel the need to constantly keep the conversation going, even if it got awkward. He never felt awkward with Langa. Especially not since they made up after their one big fight.
Reki opened Instagram, feeling his face illuminated by the bright screen. He could hear his mom inside his head complaining that they were going to ruin their eyesight by looking at their phones in the dark for so long. There might have been something to it so he lowered the brightness a bit but didn’t bother to actually turn the lights on, he liked the atmosphere in the room too much. As he closed the settings a video of a girl at S loaded up. He saw her there a couple of times but never talked to her or knew her name. She did look cool in the video, though. She was wearing a crop top and some baggy cargo pants, her short, dark hair was blowing in the wind as she skated down the hill. She had a wild smile on her face. Adrenaline and happiness were radiating from her even through the recording. Reki knew exactly what she was feeling at that moment. He should talk to her next time he sees her, he didn’t know many skater girls. He used to be sure that he’d meet his future girlfriend because of skating. He used to think about his potential future girlfriend a lot. Now he wasn’t so certain if it had to be a girl. He turned his head to look at Langa. Did he think about those things as often as Reki?
“Hey, Langa,” Reki’s voice seemed incredibly loud even though it was barely above a whisper. “Do you like girls?” The moment the question left his mouth he wanted to take it back. Why did he ask that? He and Langa never talked about girls apart maybe from that one time on their way to the onsen but then they had that moment when Langa didn’t let him fall from his skateboard and Reki kind of forgot about every girl he ever saw…
“Huh…” was Langa’s response. Reki thought that maybe there would be more to it so he waited but the rest never came. Yeah, he didn’t really want to talk about it in the first place but why wasn’t Langa saying anything?
“What kind of answer is that?!” Reki sat up abruptly and looked at Langa with frustration but realized it was bad enough without seeing Langa’s face so he returned to his previous position on the floor.
“I… don’t know,” Langa put his phone screen down on his stomach and turned his head to Reki. The redhead didn’t register how close they were until he felt Langa’s breath on his own cheek. “What girls do you mean?”
“Like, in general…” Did Langa not realize what he was asking about? Was it because of the language barrier?
“I guess I like the girls from our class, they’re nice.”
Yeah, Langa definitely didn’t know what Reki was asking about.
“No! I mean, like, in a… romantic way. Are you into them, do you wanna… date them?” With every word, Reki felt his face getting hotter and hotter and he wished he could just stop talking but he kept going because maybe, just maybe, he wanted to actually know.
“I guess I’ve never thought about it. Dating, I mean.”
Reki was kind of jealous, not thinking about who he wanted and didn’t want to date would save him many sleepless nights. For a while, the room was silent once again. Reki felt Langa shifting next to him, turning all the way to his side and propping himself up on an elbow.
“Do you like girls, Reki?”
“Well, yeah, duh!” Reki laughed a little, this was fine, this question was easy. But the middle of the night was not the time for easy questions.
“Do you…” Langa spoke again after a moment, Reki could feel his eyes on him. “Do you like guys, too?”
Reki could have expected this. Maybe he did, but it didn’t change the fact that his stomach twisted and his heart started beating faster. He never talked about it with anyone and couldn’t decide whether the fact that Langa was about to be the first person to know was good or terrible.
Reki covered his face with the sleeves of his yellow hoodie to make himself feel at least a bit less exposed. “Y- Yeah…” One blue-haired guy in particular but he definitely wasn’t ready to tell Langa that.
For once, it was quiet not only around them, but also inside Reki’s head. He did it. He told someone. He told his best friend. Maybe he didn’t want it to happen exactly like this and maybe he didn’t have everything completely figured out just yet, but at least now he wasn’t in this all alone. And Langa was still lying there, next to him. Reki looked at him through the gap between his arms that still covered his face. Langa was on his back again, staring at the sealing with an arm under his head, thinking. Reki was often wondering what was going on inside Langa’s head. With him it was easy. Most of the time what he was thinking one moment, he was saying out loud the next.
“I don’t…” Langa started and Reki didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what would follow. I don’t like guys that way at all. He expected that, he was ready for it. “I don’t think I would like to date a girl.”
Oh. Reki did not expect that. He let himself properly look at Langa now. The boy’s face was lightly illuminated by the streetlight, his mouth parted. Reki didn’t say anything, he felt Langa wasn’t done talking yet.
“I mean, I probably wouldn’t want to date anyone I don’t know very well but… thinking about girls that way just doesn’t feel… right, you know?” With the last words, Langa turned his head to Reki. Their eyes met for the first time in a while. Reki just nodded, he didn’t want to accidentally say something stupid now. He had to be careful.
“Have you ever…” Reki said quietly. “Had someone like that? Someone you maybe would want to date?” He hoped the question wasn’t too obvious but at the same time straightforward enough. His heart was beating like crazy. Why was he so nervous? Was it just nerves? Or was he excited? Maybe hopeful, in a way?
“Not really,” Langa took a moment to continue. Was he blushing? Reki wasn’t sure because of the lack of light but it kind of seemed so. “I’ve never been as close with anyone as I am with you.”
Wait, was he interpreting that right? Did Langa feel so close to him he would like to… date him? He didn’t know what to say, which was something he didn’t experience very often. He could focus only on his heartbeat getting faster and on Langa’s face being so close and so warm. Reki followed Langa’s eyes as they searched his own features, finally landing on his lips. Why was Langa looking at his lips for so long? Oh. Oh.
Reki smiled a little after he realized that there was a pretty high chance that his feelings towards Langa weren’t one-sided after all. He noticed that Langa’s expression shortly followed his own. He cherished every time Langa smiled. It was a rare occurrence and Reki liked to think that this kind of soft smile that he saw right now on the other boy’s usually stoic face was reserved for him only.
They were back to silence, neither of them had much more to say at that moment. Reki turned to his side, imitating Langa’s position. His left hand laid next to his head and he felt Langa’s fingers clumsily grabbing his. They were cold but that didn’t stop Reki’s cheeks from getting warm. He looked at their intertwined hands, then back to Langa. Both of them content with the turn of events.
After a while, Reki finally started noticing how tired he is from the long day of skating and emotions he did not expect to have to deal with. And judging by Langa’s yawning, he felt the same way.
“Do you wanna go to bed? We should probably get some sleep.” Reki didn’t want to move, though. The floor was more comfortable than it seemed.
“I’m good here if you are?” Of course, Langa knew, he could read Reki so well.
“Okay, but-” Reki sat up so he could reach his bed. He grabbed a pillow and a blanket, showing them to Langa with a grin on his face. He put the pillow under Langa’s head and moved so he could lay alongside the other boy then covered them both with the blanket. Reki’s feet found Langa’s under the cover and Langa’s hand reached out to gently touch the blush on Reki’s cheek. Reki wouldn’t be able to get rid of his smile even if he tried. He didn’t, though. He just let himself be happy.
Some important conversations don’t require many words. Some are needed or natural or accidental and some are all of those things at once. Some can only happen at night when you can’t control your own mouth but it doesn’t mean they’re bad.
Sometimes those are the best ones and they make falling asleep way easier.
“Goodnight, Reki.”
“Night, Langa.”