Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Documenting!” Felipe grins, blowing on top of the paper. “You know since we just moved houses and all that- Lien told me that maybe this time, we can stay for much longer? And you know, meet people aside from our neighbors!”

Pravat wanted to smash those hopes to the ground the moment Felipe spoke about it. But he can’t. So he continued to smile. Everyone knew that they wouldn’t be staying for long. Not when they’re all still being chased by something that they don’t know. (Though Pravat knew those warm green eyes from anywhere, knew the moment they stepped over to his lands that they have come- the bastards that broke his family all those eons ago)

“Aaaaah, is that so?” Pravat turns back to the kitchen where a ton of boxes was laid down. His quick hands putting them in front of him to start putting their kitchen appliances in the rather size-able kitchen. “Did you finish unpacking?” He made sure to ask, smirking a bit when Felipe almost dropped his new camera when brought up the matter of unpacking.

(Felipe, even back then, never really like packing or unpacking. The thought of living in a place filled with memories brought him more pain. Always standing there and delaying the trip, saying that he missed something and he needs to double-check. It often means that Pravat or Vikal most of the time had to pry him away from the doorstep to go inside the car. The usually cheery child is despondent even with Usama teasing him.)

“I did!” Jaime huffed proudly, bringing his chin up to the sky. His hand that wasn’t holding the camera or the photo slamming against his chest. “All ready to sleep in!”

“So if I go there… I wouldn’t find that you just threw your bag inside the closet?” Pravat teased, acting like he was about to put down his box and head up upstairs just to see Felipe frantically going over the open archway that leads out of the kitchen, covering it with his body.

“I’m just taking a break!” Felipe pleads, going as far as to pout and wet his eyes with faux tears. “Please Kuya! Just a tiny break then I’ll unpack after dinner! I promise!”

(Pravat has been accused so many times that he had favoritism over their little family for this one. For Felipe who just seemed so… happy despite everything. A lot of people outside their family don’t know that it wasn’t favoritism that made him soft most of the time. It was fear. Fear of losing the bright being in front of him)

“Oh reaaaalllly?” Pravat pulls out a couple of pans wrapped in newspapers, setting them on top of the table. “You better or I’m telling Lien you’re slacking off again.” He warns with a smile, teasing the other who looks like he was this close to watching to run back up the room or go to someone else (to Vikal and to Usama who probably turn that frown upside down)

“Noooo! I promise I’ll do it!” Felipe begs, putting his hands together and rubbing them. “Promise promise promise!”

Pravat nodded, trusting the other. (Even as eons passed and he was no longer the ruler of the sky and Felipe is no longer the ruler of the seas, he will always trust the other. Even if it’s as Pravat.)

“Soooo, what were you taking a picture of?” Pravat followed up, making sure not to leave some hard feelings between them. (The last time Pravat said goodbye to Felipe was eons ago. The war between the Gods and his last words was filled with hatred. Telling the God of Seas to go die on the battlefield if that’s what he wished. And that is what he did. And even after time has passed, Pravat couldn’t forget it. His own words echoing in the silence of their palace.)

“Everyone!” Felipe perked up, noticing that Pravat wasn’t angry at him. (Pravat is slow to anger but he is not calm. His anger, never once shown to anyone, shimmers underneath his skin. Waiting, biding it’s time for the day that Pravat will not take it no longer)

Felipe scrambles to sit on top of the table, crossing his legs despite the click of Pravat’s tongue in distaste of having the other on top of it instead of the chairs around them. “Look, I got Vikal when he was sleeping inside the van,” he spreads out a ton of square photos onto the flat surface.

Pravat taking off his glasses to wipe them at the edge of his shirt before wearing them, squinting at photos of their little family in various positions and doing different things in each one. (But they all have one thing in common. The smile that he swore that he will protect this time around)

There was even a picture of Lien driving, looking like she was yelling at Pravat who was in the passenger seat. A picture of Elwin sleeping, tucked into a ball by the window while carrying the cat plushie that he vaguely remembers seeing Vikal win for him from the last fair they went to. A picture of Vikal trying to balance five boxes on top of each other while Felipe was there, attempting to add one more.

It was just… pictures of their travels going to their new house. The stop-over at the McDonald's drive that ended up in chaos after Usama accidentally eating Elwin’s fries and Pravat ended up having to change in the middle of the road because some person (he rolls his eyes at the picture, giving Felipe a deadpan and the other only gave him a sheepish look) accidentally dropped their ice cream on his shirt.

All of them were artistically framed. The light bouncing of Pravat’s glasses, the camera focused on the shine in Lien’s eyes when she goes off about something she likes, Vikal’s muscles (he gave another stare at Felipe at that to which the other smirked in answer), and the way everything just seemed…. To be real. From the way, the elements other than the person looked staged but it was not. Moments are frozen in time.

(Frozen. Stopped. There for all eternity. The beast in Pravat gave a low whimper, the sounds vibrating across his chest. Mourning for the smiles it failed to protect despite vowing too and Pravat had to blink back tears, looking to the side to avoid the ever so curious purple eyes of Felipe)

“You take good pictures,” he says with a choked voice, sniffing. “Really really beautiful.”

(Felipe always had a way of preserving the moment. The rivers of time pausing itself just for his wish to keep everything as it is even for a second. A power that he alone held and a power that so many others wanted for themselves)

“Of course they are! I made it of course!” The smile that lit up the room made Pravat laugh, putting down the bag of utensil to the side to grab the pictures by a handful (his heart aching at such happy smiles and to think he thought he will never see them again- the smiles that once brighten up his night sky with such color and light) before sorting through them.

“Yes yes,” he praises, deciding to sit on one of the chairs, dragging it forward. Maybe it’s time for him to take a break. Yea. A break seems like a good idea.

“What are you doing?” He asks, leaning against the entryway to watch the other god dip his hands-on paint made out of stardust and sunlight.

Felipe (he used to go by another name- but Pravat can no longer speak it. His chest tight and his throat tighter as he tries to call out for the other) turning around and tapped his chin, spreading gold paint over his skin. The shimmer it gave oddly fits the god of the oceans enough that reminded Pravat of his sun bouncing off the waters in the eastern sea. Beautiful and magical, fleeting that Pravat couldn’t help but reach out to brush the gold away from his lips (reminding himself that he was still there. That Felipe was still there and wasn’t taken away by the gods from the west who was so keen in amassing power).

“You have a banquet to go to,” Pravat reminds him a bit too gently that Felipe scoffs.

The other crosses his arms, showing off his black tattoos, each glowing gold and white underneath the shadows. “Are you here to nag me or to inform me?” Felipe scowls, clearly not pleased with Pravat’s presence in his personal art room.

The light bouncing off the black and gold paintings that were left out to dry hanging off the walls and pressed against the wall. Faces of their clan looking back at him, in familiar expressions and actions that Pravat would have thought they were right in front of him if not for the lack of color. He turned his eyes to the tiny god in front of him, noting the ink stains around the edges of the robes he was wearing. Not even his headband was spared.

(Pravat made a mental note to ask the Weaver to create more later especially since Osama grew taller lately and Eldwin was quickly ripping clothes off with his claws.)

“I’m here to remind you that you have a banquet,” Pravat chided. Dropping his hand and entering the room, the God of the Sun circles the room, looking down at the floor to see what the other was drawing. He was expecting Lien, wearing the new dress that the God of Beauty over at the western part of the sky sent. Felipe couldn’t stop praising Lien that day, which was yesterday, telling her how beautiful she is and how much the other gods would be sooooo jealous of their warrior goddess.

Except it wasn’t her. Instead, Pravat found himself looking back at him. His hair swept back by an invisible wind, his eyes painted with gold, glowing with power, and the softness of his face carefully painted with thin lines. He was sitting on his throne, looking down at whoever was on the ground with rather cold eyes and Pravat couldn’t help but stop to stare at himself.

He looks… powerful. (Terrifying.)

“Do you like it?” Felipe asks, skipping towards him while wiping his hands on his robes. “I had to play a betting game with one of your nymphs to get the star-dust to make sure that your eyes and the details would glow even without the light.”

Pravat had no words. (There were no words that needed to be said)

The older god raises his hand (Pravat wanted to cry, gratefulness echoing through his whole being at how Felipe drew him) and pats Felipe’s head (soft, extremely soft but at the same time… it felt wet. Like Felipe had just taken a dip in his domain) before his hand went down to the collar of the other.

Felipe blinked up at him, innocently and curiously. (A curiosity that ended up harming him in the future)

Then Pravat moved, pulling the other behind him as he sighs, shaking his head. “If you had time to paint then you should have been doing your duties as the next host of the banquet,” he scolds the other. (It’s good. It’s really really good. You should paint more, you should have done more. You should try painting the other gods and watch them flock to you) His hand tightly gripping the collar enough to drag the other to the bathhouse for another bath, just to get rid of the paint stains on his skin and change his robes to newer ones. Ones that aren’t covered in paint.

They need to be prepared for the arrival of the other gods. Not every one of them is keen on their particular clan. Not when Pravat controls half of the sky and Felipe, the gatekeeper of the godly realm and the mortal realm. He promised that he will not let any one of them be put into harm (but he did in the end. His hands one by one burying his family on the fields of moonflowers, crying stardust while he begs for the creator for one more chance)

“I knew it!” Felipe whines but the other didn’t make no struggle. (Pravat actually preferred if he struggled. Fought back. Screamed. Because it only served as a reminder for Pravat that- that Felipe was still alive. Breathing.)

“Yes yes,” Pravat nods, not minding the other while he continues on.

Ah. Maybe he’ll ask the Weaver to make a new robe for him too. One set for all six of them to wear whenever there’s a banquet.

(And he eventually wore it. A blade pointed at him as the other mock him for wearing a banquet robe while standing in front of his broken throne, his broken home. He remembers smiling at the other. Tilting his head as he opened his arms to welcome the god of war.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

His robe twinkles underneath the moonlight, reflecting the stars embroidered in his sash. This will be the first and last time he will be able to wear this and after this battle, he will be buried in these robes as well. Just like his family buried in theirs.)

A fascination that he seemed to share with Vikal. (So many times Lien had the temptation to knock on their shared room to shut up in the middle of the night but then again, she didn’t. Not when what followed was a resounding laughter shared between the two boys that left her… rather nostalgic.)

Lien didn’t say much when she went back home, the silence of the house evident of what was transpiring especially when she opened the door to see that everyone was home. (If it was her from the past, she would have panicked. Cried, trying to search for her family- her clan amidst the deafening silence) The shoes and slippers haphazardly thrown on the entryway that only made her sigh, putting down her bag on the tiny cabinet that spare shoes were put in. She leaned down, fixing the shoes neatly at the side before slipping on her own home-slippers, a cute green bunny ones.

It was still oddly silent. Even when everyone was home. (The silence ate her insides, her heart thumping against her chest as she tries not to think too hard about what happened- her eyes flickering to the walls, trying to see if there was any break-ins, any signs of a fight but there was nothing there. She still doesn’t know if that was a good thing or not.) Lien entered the living room, stopping in her tracks when she sees her friends there.

Pravat dozing off, sitting upright while his glasses skewed in front of his face. Leaning against the sofa and his legs being used as a pillow for Usama who was on the floor, head on top of Pravat’s legs. Eldwin curled around in one of the chairs, covered in a yellow and white blanket. Vikal was on the couch, head on the armrest while his legs were tucked underneath the criss-crossed legs of Felipe who seemed to the be only one awake.

He looked up at her, purple eyes almost glowing in the darkness of the room, illuminated by the tv screen that seems to be playing a midnight sit-com. Lien’s breath hitched when Felipe didn’t say anything (it was one of those days where the other might not even say anything, not greeting her with a chirpy smile but rather a somber one. One that spoke the age of his soul even when he barely remembers it at all, his eyes ancient and wise- almost mourning but if she were to ask what he was thinking, the other wouldn’t answer. Felipe… doesn’t remember and even if he does, his voice will not speak for him.)

“Have you eaten lunch?” She asks, carefully making her way to the other side of the living room just to take a seat beside Felipe who shook his head soundlessly. (It took some time for her to realize that Felipe was alright. He was alright and that there was nothing wrong with him and that he wasn’t in pain. Words came difficult for him, memories too jumbled in his head and the him- the one from the past, eons ago, peeks through with half-lidded eyes and dangerous need to underwater most of the time.) Lien couldn’t help but reach out to hold Felipe’s hand, squeezing it and letting herself feel the warmth that seems to radiate from his skin almost constantly (he’s here, he’s still here and not buried 6 feet underground, not somewhere else that Lien can’t follow). “Do you want to eat?”

She watches him as he plays with her fingers. Spreading her hand and squeezing them together as he contemplates if he wants to eat or not. The others are dead to the world, snoring and sleeping and Lien can only shake her head in exasperation. She would be lying if she didn’t feel soft at the sight of them together. (Safe- safe- safe- safe- they’re all safe- they’re safe and alive and here with her-) Her family in one place and this time, at a place where she can touch them and reassure herself that she wouldn’t lose them anytime soon. (That there will be no more gods coming for them. No more battles to be fought and no more bodies to be buried.)

Felipe shook his head, wiggling in his seat to make more speak for Lien and leaned his head on her shoulder. His hands playing with hers, thick calloused hands (she didn’t ask where they came from, she didn’t like the sudden dark look at would overcast his eyes before it would be taken away just like that) gentle with it’s drawing of a circle on her palm. Lien’s shoulder sank as she buried herself into the sofa, pulling on the blanket on the floor just to cover both of their legs. Mindlessly letting herself be comforted by the energies of those around her (dropping her guard, letting the warmth lull her to a state of peace where she wouldn’t look at everything with a skeptical eye, wariness making her hair turn white in some places. The fear of losing someone again curls around her chest, staying there and never disappearing once she realizes what she was once upon a time) and letting Felipe trace her hand.

It’s been so long since their house has been this quiet.

(Too quiet that she associates with the calm before the storm. The silence in the palace where only her footsteps echoes in. Gone was the laughter that would come from everywhere, the songs that would make her smile, the stars in the dark ceiling glittering with every note that goes higher and higher until the voice cracks and with the laughter that comes afterwards, the lights would twinkle brighter.

She didn’t like it. Her home- once warm and filled with life, every corner lit up with the tiny orbs that Eldwin used to create out of boredom- was now empty and dark. She was one of the last ones alive.

Just a week ago, Vikal was killed. Shot down from the skies by the opposition and she couldn’t even do anything but cry out, screaming his name. She came home, dragging what was left of his body and presenting it to Eldwin and Usama. Pravat watching from the sides with his eyes hidden by his hair.

Gone was Felipe’s loud laughter and now… Vikal’s snark disappeared.)

Felipe grinned when someone on the screen made a joke, his mouth opening as if laughing but there was no sound. Lien snorted, digging through the sofa with her other hand to snatch the remote that was pressed against the pillowcases and using it to bring down the volume just enough not to bother the ones sleeping. She puts it down, raising her legs on top of the sofa and puts her arm on top of her knees, using it as some sort of pillow. Her other companion only leaned on her, forcing her to adjust and fall on the sofa’s other unoccupied arm-rest.

“Really?” She whispers, barely audible just for the two of them when Felipe wraps both of them in the same blanket, the man resting on top of her and just staying there. “You’re like a cat,” she huffs (between the six of them, Usama was the cat. The cat god of their little group that was more loyal to any other cat god she knows) but she didn’t stop herself from brushing his hair with her fingers.

“Are you sleepy? Because if you are, just go to your room.” She tells him but Felipe only shook his head, putting his chin on top of his arms to stare at her. Violet met soft brown eyes (Violet, sharp and dark met calm golden ones) before Felipe grins at her (bright, almost like the sun but underneath it, there was something dark lurking. A darkness that she knows the name of but rather not tell the other to what it was) and brought his cold hands to cup her cheeks.

Lien swatted them away, knowing that if she lets the other gets to her cheeks, Felipe will just squeeze them again and again until she had enough and it will turn red. She gave him a little glare, the smaller man just cheekily settling down once more. Rolling her eyes, she turns to the ceiling, dropping her head down to rest fully on the arm-rest, letting herself slide down and bringing her legs up to rest on Vikal’s lap.

She rests her hands on his back (right over his heart and stayed there, feeling the steady rise and fall, the shaky inhales and the long exhales he would do) and maybe it was because it was quiet that she started to hum. (She never could stand the silence). Her humming turning into a song (a song of a world long long ago, in a language that she knows no one even remembers now) and she sang, filling up the silence with a story of the heavens and the stars.

(Of her and the night sky, lead towards a new dawn that never came for her and her clan)

It was sad, almost sad that she had to close her eyes, letting the notes echo. Lulling the others back to sleep, hopefully to dreams where the darkness of a yesterday no longer haunts them (where memories of a life long passed will never ever rear its ugly head and remind them of what they have done). But in the silence, another voice joined in.

A low soft voice blending in with hers. A familiar, almost haunting voice that spoke of another dawn. Of another future that will bless them. (The same voice that used to sing in the middle of the day back then, loud and crisp even in the middle of an important gathering just to bring smiles to everyone’s faces)

She slowly opens her eyes, looking down to meet the half-lidded eyes of the man on top of her. His voice echoing and resonating with hers. (Just like one of those days where they used to sing together to pass the time. Her paddling her boat as she ferries the souls of the fallen to a peaceful place to rest and he willing the waves to speed the travel along.)

Even if it wasn’t a language that no one speaks now and that Felipe, judging from how tired they looked and how their body drapes over her, elbows digging through her ribs and arms tightly wrapped around her middle, doesn’t even know that he was singing. It was enough (the song and hearing someone sing with her was enough), the silence (never, she hates it) and the warmth of her family (never, she will never let them fall again) was enough to make her continue on singing (Felipe’s and her voice mixing to create a tune that she never once thought she will hear again in the waking world).

It was enough.

(She will protect this to make it enough)

“Whatchuuu doin’?” Lien (she had another name, one that she doesn’t answer to anymore. The past is the past and no longer has any concern towards the present or at least she likes to tell herself) looks down from her stand on her boat towards the water where familiar violet eyes meet hers.

Felipe half-submerged in the water while he tapped on the edge of the boat with his nails, sharpened and leaving scratches. She glares at him (not filled with fire though, never with fire even with how much the sea god irritates her) and puts down the book she was reading to the side.

“A book from the god of knowledge. A gift,” she leaves it at that. The language in the book was so unfamiliar to her that it made her head spin but if she wants to know more about the other gods then it was better for her to know. (If she wants to fit in with the other gods that seem to be rising in power, then she has to know.)

Wet slimy hands reached out for the book and she did nothing but lean back, gazing while putting her paddle to the size when Felipe crawled into the boat. His tail slowly turning into legs that he didn’t bothered to cover up. He was naked as the day he was born, stardust and stars maring his chest and his arms, telling Lien that he was playing around in one of Pravat’s gardens again. Lien scoffed when he wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Like what you see?” He teases and she kicks him. Hard.

She crossed her legs and bumping her toes with his chest in an attempt for him to get away from her robes. She just had these specially made and she rather not have them get soaked just because Felipe was feeling playful. (Though there were many limits that Lien had towards other people, she had found that her family had fewer limits than most.)

“A new story for a new era,” she adds when she sees him furrows his eyebrows at the sight of new symbols and letters. “The other gods thinks it’s cool and artistic.” (She thinks it’s rather stupid. They already have their own symbols, their languages that she thinks that they should take pride of. Sure, it was nice to have one common language but- there was something magical when she sees gods of different realms talk together in their own.)

“Hmmmm,” Felipe hummed before chucking the book into the water and he twisted so that he could face her. Her eyes flashed in anger at seeing the brand new book just thrown into the waters. (A part of her felt relieved that she doesn’t have to force herself to read it) “You know what’s better than reading some weird story about a detective and a hero falling in love?” He wiggles his eyebrows at her once more, reaching out for her cheeks and even with Lien slamming her paddle against his side (even with her strength, the god of oceans didn’t flinch. Maybe because her paddle just went through his body like water).

“What?” She decided to entertain the mischievous look he has. “If you’re planning to push me into the water, I will hit you.” A threat that both of them knows that she will do. (So many times did she threw her passengers off her boat for annoying her and by passengers, she meant her clan of gods that never seemed to fit anywhere at all)

Felipe grinned (a little bit-lopsided, the scar on his lips never really healed after the time the war god sliced him after confronting him) and opened his mouth. What Lien thought was another joke that will escape his lips, it was actually a verse.

From a song that they would usually sing while he guides her and her passengers to the end of time. (A song of a new beginning and the sun will rise once more tomorrow)

Rolling her eyes at him, she joins, following his words up with her own creations. (A song of the ending and the passage of closing a new book) Both of them smiling and laughing, Felipe throwing water in the air as she stood up to lead them to whatever their hearts would lead them this time around. (Oh how Lien longs to return to that time. Of simpler times where it was just her and her paddle and the waters and the sky and their little family that was contented.)

Their words mixes together and becoming one. (The God of Death ferrying the God of the Sea to somewhere far)

(Death came for her while she was in her boat. The waters still after the death of it’s master and she hid her face with her bamboo hat, hiding the resignation of her fate when she heard the familiar shing of a sword being released out of its scabbard.

“Any last words?” The other god asks as the tip of the blade raises her chin to look at his eyes.

They were blue. Just like the waters around them and she can only chuckle, turning her eyes to the dawning sky. The darkness gives it’s way to the sun, pink and orange mixing in with blue and she marvels at its beauty. It’s always been beautiful, dawn, dusk, sunsets and sunrise- the sky and the ocean, the world and its inhabitants, everything was beautiful for her.

Maybe it was because she needs to see the beauty in all things living to appreciate the passing that will eventually come to everyone. Not even her, the God of Death, is excluded from it.

She meets his eyes and opens her mouth-

And she began to sing

A final verse

To the world

To the ones that she needs to leave

And to the ones that will greet her on the other side

Farewell-

O God of Death, may you grant her safe passage to the afterlife)

(They said it was because he was the first among them to die. His death was so sudden and violent that it shook his soul too much. Something tells him that they were lying. Not when they refuse to look him in the eyes when he asks and they would try to brush off his questions of that life. He isn’t blind. He notices the way their hands tremble and their voice shake.) (Lien couldn’t even look at him on his bad days. Couldn’t stand being in the same house as him and she would always go home late, he knows. He waits for her to go home in his room, listening to the familiar jingle of the keys and the soft slam of the door that would echo in the unusually quiet house.)

Not that he can fault them. (He can’t hate them for refusing to tell him what happened. Not when the pain in their eyes reflected what he already needed to know. It was… cruel of him to make them remember.)

There were days where he would catch them talking (reminiscing) and laughing (laughter sounded strained, forced. Like they were forcing themselves to make it a joke and Felipe doesn’t know if he should laugh with them or tell them off for it) and they would let him take a seat, telling him (regaling him) of all the adventures they used to have together. As a clan. (As a family of gods that never really fit in with the others)

(Vikal’s eyes would shine. Usama’s hands would hold his as the other drags him underneath the sun and into the garden they were trying to grow everywhere they lived in. The two of them circling Felipe and Felipe- feeling so light, so loved- would let them talk. About so many things that he would expect to find in a show but he knows is real.

A small part of himself says so. There, just lurking underneath the surface that tells Felipe that whatever the others were saying was the truth.

Was their truth.

Those days were good days. Where he’ll remember it the next day and there will be no screaming or fighting between him or anyone else. Just laughter and reminiscing of a Felipe from an ancient time. A Felipe who wields the waters just as easily as he wields a brush.)

There are days where he questions it and demands to know. (Those days were one of the worst ones he has. The urge to know what they were hiding from him. Acting like a child and throwing a tantrum-) Screaming on the top of his lungs as he and Pravat would try to fight against each other. The other telling him that he is not ready and he would retort that how can he ever be ready if they don’t tell him anything! Like why do they need to keep on moving (the green eyes in his dreams, the boisterous laughter as the thunder crackles in the background, and the soft black fabric that flowed in the direction of the wind) and when will they be allowed to return to normal?

(Felipe knows that they were never normal.

Not when Felipe’s moods control the seas and Pravat’s hands would glow and create worlds from stardust that he picked out of the sky.

Lien’s knowledge of someone’s life span has haunted her as she tells people that come for her ability that they only have a certain limit of days to live.

Vikal’s strength that he has trouble controlling when he gets a little too excited, the loud noise scaring Usama whose features will change to look like that of a cat, spooked.

Eldwin’s knowledge, being so heavy for his young body that it often makes him sickly when he tries too hard. His mind is too used to working every night and day without stopping.)

Vikal would often have to carry him away, his voice hoarse still screaming at Pravat. Calling him names that he doesn’t mean (words he forgets after a good nap, memories jumbled once more) and watching in glee as he sees those usually closed eyes open and flash in color. (Gold, always gold like the suns above). Usama trying to prevent their eldest from following. (The beast in him baring his fangs at the Sun God, reminding him of what the sunny man is. That despite being one who likes to joke, he was like them. A god.)

(Pravat, unlike Lien, handles it differently. Completely different that Felipe wonders what he did wrong by asking? The eldest would scream, voices rising and rising until both of them would try to overpower the other. Screaming until their lungs ached and their throat hurts. Golden eyes glaring at him, flashing underneath the glasses, and the signature smile that he was so proud of disappears, replaced by a scowl. “You don’t know anything,” Pravat says, coldly and sternly that it made Felipe’s breath hitch.

This man- this man isn’t his kuya. Not his kuya- instead. This is the God of the Sun, peaking through the mortal shell that they are all bound to.

…

Was it wrong of him to think that he prefers this one? The one who seemed to tell him something more than nothing? The one who knows what Felipe is searching for and didn’t hide it with lies? Instead, he would tell Felipe everything, just based on the way his eyes flashed and his face twists. Body standing straight and towering that Felipe has no choice but to seek out Vikal in fear of the sheer power the other holds.)

He understands what the others are trying to protect him from. (Blood. Pain. The cruel laughter of a God that told him that he is nothing without him.) But the way they try not to let him help them in whatever is ailing them hurts. (Lien and Pravat were talking about something again, whispering about a school that seemed to be for people like them. They didn’t seem pleased judging from the way Lien’s face was schooled into an emotionless mask and the way the scowl twisted Pravat’s face.) He’s a part of their family too (will always be, till the next lifetime and the next and the next).

Eldwin told him that it just happened one day when both of them were confined to the house. The youngest had a low-grade fever and Felipe on those days where he forgot his own name and where he was. “They’re just worried,” the other tells him, curled up right beside him on the sofa while the tv screen blasts the tv series they both chose.

“Very worried that if they don’t do anything then something might happen again.” Eldwin was one of the people that knew what it was like. Also one of the few people that would tell him about the war that took their family apart and landed him in this situation. Both of them bundled up in blankets and pillows that Vikal left for them, they would talk in the safety of the tiny pillow fort they created. Eldwin answered questions that Pravat would get angry over and Vikal would have ignored in favor of doing something else.

“You were the one that first went to war,” Eldwin says, tapping on his tablet and looking through the news while Felipe struggles to remember what channel that they both liked to watch on. (Memories slipping away like the tides in a storm and he struggles to keep himself afloat in the middle of it all) “Abang told you not to but you didn’t listen.” (That sounded like him completely.)

“Did I win?” He asks, a bit more quietly than usual. (Still focused on trying to keep himself above the water)

“No.” Eldwin shakes his head. The mismatched bangs of his hiding the look he has in his eyes at the question. (Dark, sorrowful. No one liked being remembered of their past but Felipe thinks if they want to move forward then they need to face it.) “You died. Violently by the hands of the Gods of Conquests.”

“Conquests? Gods?”

(It wasn’t a name of a God. More like the title given to the Gods that have decided that they wanted more than their domains.)

“Gods. More than one. They caught you off-guard in your own domain. Bested you and we weren’t quick enough,” Eldwin buries his head underneath Felipe’s arm as he continues. “You were never one for battle. Sure you can fight but you didn’t like doing it. You were scared that something might happen. You thought acting first was the first thing we should have done.”

“What did you think about it?” Felipe wraps his arm around his shoulder, squeezing and making sure both of them were blanketed properly.

“Stupid.”

“Oh,” Felipe laughs. “You didn’t stop me?” (Did anyone try to stop it?)

“No. We didn’t know until we all felt the oceans cry.” Eldwin looks up and blinks at him. “What do you think you’ll get if you remember what happened in that life?”

Felipe hums, continuing to press the buttons on the remote. “I don’t know.”

(I want to know why you all looked like you all were about to cry.

I want to know why you all hold hands so tightly, afraid that if they let go- one might disappear to somewhere you can’t follow.

If I just knew- what we all shared. The memories, the smiles, the sorrows- then maybe I can help ease away the pain. Letting them be taken away by the waves, locked in a trunk of stardust and padlocks, to be buried in somewhere far in the deeps that it will never see the light of day once more.

I only want to protect.

Shelter.

Cover you all in the waves and let the cold waters shelter you from the world that seemed to be out to get you.

Let the waters of my home cradle you and keep you safe. Just like how you keep me safe right now.)

“Probably because I don’t like the feeling of missing out?”

(Because I don’t know what I should protect you from. The world or from me?)

Felipe doesn’t like talking about what he sees on his bad days. On those days where his memories are overtaken by the waves, and he finds himself drowning underneath the surface of the ocean that is so… dark and bleak. The waters cold, holding him down and making him sink. The sun above going farther and farther as he falls to the abyss.

And when he does.

His feet are planted on the dark deep seabed and the currents push him forward into the deep where no life can be seen. He knows if this was the real sea, he would find fishes that would glow in the dark. Lanterns that would lead him to somewhere. Life that most would find unusual but- he would find them endearing. Adorable.

(Because they were his. His children. His creations.)

But he knows (from experiences though when he wakes up, he’ll no longer remember it) that there will be something (someone) else waiting for him at the very deep end. Where the currents cannot reach and the seafloor gathers skeletons of beasts from legends (monsters that have plagued his domain and had earned his ire), that is where he will find him.

Him. (Felipe- Felipe, is that your name before? No. It wasn’t- your name was-)

Long dark hair pooling on the floor. Arms bound and raised by golden chains that glowed painfully and held it there. Black tattoos covering the dark skin around him, glowing dimly with every inhale and exhale the being would take and in front of him- Felipe wouldn’t dare speak.

Not when those eyes of his (amethyst gems gazed at him from behind the curtain of hair, contemplating. Thinking. Calculating.) turns to look at Felipe with a lazy smile gracing the blank face of the god (god, the god of the ocean, the deep and those that reside in it).

“Felipe,” he calls his name with a purr. (Anger flashing in his eyes, taunting him and mocking as those eyes go up and down Felipe’s body.) “What did I do to deserve your lovely presence?”

He wasn’t speaking in English or in any other language that Felipe knew. It was… different. Like the other’s words were said with an uplifting tune. Melodic and similar to someone singing except… he wasn’t. The words said carefully. Said and not sung. He had heard himself sing once and now he knew the difference.

This man (this god) was him (from another world, another time, another life) and as much as Felipe tries to run away (tries to avoid those orbs that seemed to know what he was hiding and thinking) he will always end up right here. In the darkness, in front of the bound man (chained god but why is he chained? What happened?) who seemed to know more than he lets on (but he never tells Felipe what)

Both of them dragged underneath the darkness. Down into the very deep end of the water. (His domain, his home, his creation)

One chained by something physical and magical.

The other lost in their own domain and their memories.

(For all of eternity as long as the curse- as long as their soul tries to piece itself back together)

“Why did you do it?” He asks, meeting the curious a bit teasing look the other was giving him. “What made you go out to fight in a war even though you knew you wouldn’t survive?”

The man (god) chuckles, straining against the chains. “You mean- what made us do it? After all Felipe, you and I are one and the same.”

(And they were. Felipe doesn’t know what to make of it in the end.)

(Not when the person that caused so much grief and pain towards his clan- his family is right in front of him. The him that was the god of Oceans.)

“Bro just sent me a message that Pravat’s busy tonight,” he waves his phone in front of Vikal’s face who grunts, shoving the hand away from him. “Also he’s asking if we’re buying food outside, can we also pick up something for Felipe?”

“Are they doing okay?” Vikal looks at the side mirror, pulling out of the parking lot with ease. “We didn’t forget anything right?” The driver worries, hands gripping the steering wheel that Usama worries that it might accidentally break. (Vikal often forgets that he’s strong. His powerless manageable when their bodies aren’t meant to weld them.)

“Yup! We did a good job!” Usama laughed, throwing his hands into the sky, and leaned back against the car seat. Both of them sitting there in silence, feeling a bit proud that they managed to buy groceries without something happening.

Vikal began to drive in silence, shoulders tucked near him as he tried not to accidentally put too much strength on the wheel. His Malaysian companion looked outside the window, tapping on the glass when it began to rain. Large droplets of water hitting the windows that Usama thought looked like tears. (When Felipe died, the sky rained for 7 days and 7 nights, flooding the world in Pravat’s sorrow and the sun was hidden by the darkness that seemed to enveloped everything. That was the start of the end of their era.)

“You know I missed this.” He interrupts, cutting through the silence. “Like you know, just going in and out of the grocery store.” There was something normal about it. Like no matter where he goes, the grocery place will be the same, and that he’ll just be one of the customers that will come and go. So… mundane that Usama couldn’t help but chuckle bitterly, looking down at his nails that have already elongated themselves into claws with the stress of remembering.

“Like, Woah, I’m still capable of being fully human you know?” Usama wasn’t joking. (He wasn’t blessed like the others. He had to wrangle every day and every night against his beast. The beast inside of him that wanted blood- wanted vengeance- wanted war against those that took everything away from him once.)

He was terrified. Hands closing onto themselves while he tries to will his fingers back before anyone sees it. (The beast was more god than human. While at the same time, Usama was more human than god. Both of them were supposed to co-exist just like how they did so many eons ago. But something went wrong.) Nails slowly transform back to the normal-looking human nails they needed to be and he sighs in relief, just in time to flash a smile at the car beside them while they wait for the traffic light.

(He went wrong).

“I know,” Vikal looks at him, putting one arm against the door while the other taps on the wheel. “Like we’ve been moving so much and Felipe’s days have been getting worse and worse. I thought I would have to cancel going out today considering how Pravat was yesterday.” Both of them laugh at the memory of yesterday (despite it being filled with another fight between Felipe and Pravat, both of them so close to throwing punches at each other.) “I would get really sad if I wasn't able to buy what I wanted. Like I love Lien really,” Usama nods in understanding where Vikal was coming from, “but she doesn’t really buy the brands that I need to cook.”

“Do you think we’ll have a chance to be able to go back to normal?” He crosses his arms against his chest, wrapping them around him in a tight self-hug. Trying to bury himself deeper into the dark leather that smelled oddly of lemons. But then again, there was an air freshener in the compartment that if he finds, he’ll be sure that it read lemons. His question made Vikal bite down on his lip before looking away in guilt.

(Both of them knew that none of them could return to be humans when they weren’t even humans in the first place. Their bodies might be made from flesh and bones not, not like the stardusts and magic they once were, but their souls are still inherently god-like. A human body but a god’s soul.)

“I mean, what kind of normal?” A good question to avoid what they’re both trying to say out loud (a resounding no just like how Pravat screamed at Felipe) “The normal where we both get to school or the normal where we don’t need to go around moving every now and then.”

(Usama met with a god while he was on an early morning run. The sound of a guitar-strumming made the wind roar and he froze- nothing that tunes from anywhere. Nervously, he looked to where it was coming from, straight at the curious green eyes that haunt his dreams and before the man could call out for him- he ran.

Ran back to the house, clutching onto Pravat and asking him that they need to go- they need to go or they’ll find them-

The fear of being caught, taken away from each other once more.

The fear that made Usama more beast than human, growling and pushing Felipe and Eldwin into the van without hesitation forcing them to go inside even when they still have to find a new place to stay. Ignoring the way Pravat tries to reason with him and Vikal’s arms around his waist while he wails and howls; more beast than man and more god than any of them. Instincts forced into overdrive.)

“Normal?” Usama hums, playing with his seatbelt before answering. “Well, I don’t really mind living with you guys! At least I don’t need to do homework as much as I have to back at home,” he laughs. “It’s just…. Really different? Living with you guys brings me back to when we were…” He motions to both of them. “Back then.”

(When they were more gods than humans. Where their bodies are made from the essence of life itself and are capable of holding and acting as the vessels of their souls.

Back in Pravat’s domain, filled with the stars that have illuminated the skies and the waters that lead back to Felipe’s oceans. When it was just the six of them and their numerous nymphs and chosen, laughing and thinking that everything will be fine for all eternity.

It didn’t.)

“Though I have to admit I miss training? Weren’t you supposed to compete in a Pencak silat competition?” He questions, remembering vaguely that before they were going to travel (an impromptu decision that all of them agreed after Lien told them with a shaking voice over their calls that she saw someone like them. God but at the same time not a god, human but at the same time not and he looks exactly like the one that had stormed their palace and took everything) Vikal had somewhere to go to, another training camp for an up-and-coming competition.

“Yea but this is more important than that.” Vikal shrugs, carefully turning their car to the side. For such a big man, his movements were gentle. Precise and calculated and it must be or else he might accidentally break something. Again. “How about you? Did you have an award ceremony to go to for…. Sepaktakraw or did they cancel that since you couldn’t attend?”

Usama couldn’t help but laugh at the mention of his favorite sport. He couldn’t help it (he missed it) but after a bout of laughter, he claps his hands, playing with his sleeves while he watches the window-wipers go back and forth. “Nah, I had a talk with the coach and he said that I can have my well-deserved break and that the award will still be there for the team. Man, it’s been so long since I played-” he glances upwards, to see the tiny smile that Vikal has- “hey, maybe like tomorrow when everyone’s free, let’s play a game!”

(Just like how they used to. Playing and singing in the fields of flowers and stars.)

Like how they first met back in the Youth Sea games. He couldn’t help but reminisce with a soft smile, remembering how they all come back to each other after years (after deaths and grief) by chance like they were meant to be a family again. Though there’s still a part of him (the godly part of him) that still believes in fate and the stars, he was a bit doubtful at first. That was too… suspicious to have them all back together again.

“We’ll see,” Vikal reminds him. “Eldwin is still sick and Felipe doesn’t seem to have gotten out of the waves yet to even notice that we were gone.”

He automatically deflates, making a duck face at the circumstances that they have now. “Do you think they’re both getting worse?” (All of them knew that they were. Eldwin was getting sicker and sicker and Felipe wasn’t talking much lately- it spanned weeks now instead of days)

“...” Vikal didn’t say anything but he shook his head.

(Words have powers. To say a word is to bring it to life and most of them try to be careful with their words now. Not when the last time they spoke of a hateful thing, it happened.)

None of them said anything afterward. The hum of the car filled in the silence and if Felipe was here (they would always go out together, the three of them just for fun) he would have already taken over the radio, blasting playlist after playlist.

“Thank you,” Usama whispers, feeling a bit grateful as they reach their apartment’s driveway. “For like coming with me to the grocery even though I know you’re worried about Felipe. I had fun, you know it’s been so long since we can just go out and be there and just exist without having to worry about what will happen to each other tomorrow. We should go out more.”

He unclips the seatbelt but he pauses when Vikal touches his hand. “I know that times are rough right now but we’re still here.”

Usama looks up at him, meeting the dark eyes that have already provided comfort to their little family and to their hands and then to the apartment window where the lights were opened. His ears picking up the sounds of laughter and Eldwin’s rambling about something that has caught his interest and he couldn’t help the smile that made his whole being lit up. “Yea. We’re still here.”

(Though Usama wouldn’t tell this to anyone, a wish he keeps deep inside his heart. One that he would whisper to himself every night as he looked up at the moon, hands holding on to the blankets that smelled roughly like everyone in the house.

‘Please let there come a day where all of us will be happy and safe.’

And the one wish that he refuses to speak out loud- one that he feels guilty for.

‘Let this kind of day continue- I’ll take these boring repetitive days over anything else. As long as I’m with them.’)

Usama gashes his teeth at the god in front of him (he can smell his kin’s blood on the ax and that made his fur rise up in anger, eyes glowing and bloodlust flooding his eyes), body pressed against the floor as a boot pushes his head down once more (he lost. He lost. He lost. He lost. He lost-) and the god tsk-ed above him.

“You knew we were going to be here.” (His voice making Usama growls, it sounded like an error. Something wrong like three voices trying to talk over each other)

He didn’t say anything, only glaring up with eyes as red as the blood that drips down from his wounds (war, he was in the middle of a battlefield and so many has fallen underneath his claws but why- why can’t he be strong enough to cut off this bastard’s head and offer it back to the sea-). Usama (his name forgotten by time) spat on their boots, blood and spit mixing together to create an eerie liquid that drips down slowly from the leather.

“You will lose.” He growls, his words echoing through his chest. “You will lose and answer for your crime- you will not harm anyone else.”

(He will not harm anyone in his family. Never again. Not again.)

The god of war raises an eyebrow, digging the heel of his shoe on a wound that made Usama’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help but whimper in pain. “Lose? Your brother told me that too and look what happened to him. He died in his very domain.”

It took him a while amidst the surge of pain and black spots in his vision for him to realize who the other god was referring to. Underneath the layer of blood that seemed to envelop everyone and everything nowadays, when he takes a careful deep breath, ignoring the strain of his lungs, that’s when he smelt it.

Salt.

“He said the same thing as you.” (Felipe.)

Usama stares at the ground, feeling his arms give way. He laughs. Bitterly, sweat? Or was it tears mixing in with his blood as he feels his body slowly falling apart. Even with his healing, he couldn’t fight against the god that has won battles far more than he did. (He hated his weakness.) He howls- a beast searching for his pack amidst the chaotic lands stained with the blood of so many children, so many gods, so many beings that did not deserve to die.

No one answers back.

(Of course, no one would. Not when most of them are gone now.

And now, he has to leave the last three of their family alone.

Usama wonders if he can still say sorry to them for leaving sooner than he expected.

And if he can see them soon in the future.

In another life.

A wish that he utters weakly, looking at bored green eyes.

If there’s still a god out there that still has the power to change fates then please- please give him one more chance to protect his pack.

One more.)

Now she was there, in the middle of a scorching day, trying not to give in to the temptation of dipping her body into the cool waters of the ocean. (The waves brought comfort to her, her hands twitching for a boat paddle once more and if she can just close her eyes, she can imagine herself back when she was a ferryman of all things living and dead.) But she had a task to do; making sure that no one drowns.

(Though she doubts that it would happen with Felipe by their side.)

She looked down at her legs which were covered with polaroids that Felipe begged for her to take care of while he jumped into the water. (Felipe’s grin while he pushes Usama underneath the waves and the laugh that followed after made her roll her eyes in his shenanigans). Her hands pick them one by one, stacking them with a smile (one of them was of her, driving while wearing shades, a grin on her lips as she points somewhere out of the picture to the side) and she hears the click of a camera.

“You’re not going to go swimming?” In waddles Eldwin, covered in sand and dripping wet. Carrying a towel in his arms and in his hands was Felipe’s bright yellow polaroid camera that was slowly dispensing a picture.

“Maybe later,” she shakes her head, pointing to the cooler box underneath the beach chair they took from the local restaurants. “Our drinks might get stolen if someone doesn’t pay attention to it.” She scootches to the side, making space for Eldwin to sit down and put his knees near his chest, wrapping his arms around his knees. “Tired?”

Eldwin looks at her with a blank stare than to Felipe and Usama who seemed to have so much energy, doing a race in the waters. (Both of them always had the most energy from them. Felipe who gets the energy from the sun and Usama gets it from the land). Then back to her with a knowing look. “You try not getting tired when both of them are together.”

Lien couldn’t help the snort that escapes her, picking a picture of them together (all six of them when they first met, Felipe with glitter on his cheeks and Usama and Vikal drenched in sweat in their country’s uniform. She was wearing a business suit that oddly matches Pravat’s and Eldwin’s official staff volunteer uniform) and stopped to look at it. She… looks so young here (recently, she found some white strands when she did her morning routine) all of them actually.

“What’s that?” Eldwin cranes his neck, putting his chin on her shoulder while they both turned to look at the pictures.

“Felipe decided to bring them and have them sorted out while forgetting that we’re going to a beach. Not a hotel.” (He’s forgetting more now. It was just yesterday they made plans to go to the beach and when he woke up, he forgot that they were going out and who he was.)

“Oh, I remember that,” he points out to a picture where they were all gathered around a campsite, bundled up as the fire crackles in the photo. “Abang lost his bangs thereafter he thought it was a good idea to juggle marshmallows near the fire.”

She snickers, hiding her smile with her fan. The youngest leaning against her as he picks up another photo. “Remember this?”

It was her and Vikal glaring at each other while their white shirts were stained in multicolored paints and in the background was Felipe doing a backflip. The sun setting down as the streetlights began to light up in the picture. It was their last trip before they embark on this wild strange journey (not so strange. More like trying to run away from those that wanted them dead) of them chasing after something (her aunt told her that she was just wasting time) that meant more to them than anyone else knows (her aunt doesn’t realize that her own niece isn’t even human).

“Everyone in the restaurant looked at us like we were weird.” She scoffs, plucking it out of his hands and putting it with the rest. “In hindsight, we didn’t actually know what Felipe prepared for us and he forgot to tell us he’ll be bringing us for paintball.”

(The rush of the wind while she hides underneath a barrel, tilting her head up as she laughs at the sheer excitement and fun that consists of shooting each other with paint. The paintball gun resting comfortably in her hands and she took careful breaths, focusing on the world around her and listening to the sounds of the forest.

When she heard a crack of something breaking, she stood up pointing her gun towards Felipe who looked at her with widened eyes and a grin. His hand holding his own gun pointed at her.

“Woah! Lien, you’re good at this!” Though she made no move to shoot him-

Not when the sun perfectly illuminated his figure, shining behind him and-

She let herself get shot. )

“You let yourself get shot,” Eldwin taps on the cooler, opening it and grabbing a small cup of milk tea still sealed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Ever the one who wants to listen to the woes of others (ever the one who wants to know what everyone thinks and what makes them tick) Eldwin offers it to her before taking one for himself. “Pravat wanted to ask you about it but looks like Felipe isn’t the only one with a faulty memory.”

She laughs at that, shaking the plastic cup before piercing it with her metal straw. “He did actually.” Though it was an awkward discussion, both of them were outside of their apartment at that time, legs dangling off the balcony’s railings while they shared drinks with the other. The moon and the stars are their only witness as she spills her fears and her worries that ‘what if what they are doing isn’t enough and what if they would be found out and…

Killed for something that they do not understand completely themselves.

They were human but at the same time not. God but at the same time human but those two parts of themselves didn’t mix. Except there were moments where they are more god than human. Moments that Lien is so sure that the whole world will not appreciate and call them all monsters.

“Why the sudden interest?” She can’t help but ask. That was a couple of months ago, almost a year now.

Eldwin pursed his lips, taking a sip of his cold drink first before sighing. “I’m just worried.” All of them are but there was something about the way he stared at the waters, at the white sand that can only be found on this particular side of the beach, and then to the four boys that decided to play water volleyball. “Do you feel it?”

Feel what exactly?

Judging from the way that Eldwin continues after seeing Lien’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “The wind is different. The sea also feels different now than before we got together-” and before she can say something about maybe it’s because Felipe was there, he said something that made Lien freeze, - “and everything seemed more… chaotic. Like there’s another war brewing on the horizon.”

War.

(People screaming for help. Her people asked for guidance and she couldn’t do anything but provide them safe passage to the afterlife. The seas refuse to grant anyone travel or the freedom to walk amongst its waves after the loss of their master. The rage that the skies felt, stars falling down and destroying everything in sight as Pravat rages, mourning in the one way a God knows how.

War.)

“That’s too heavy of an observation.” She simply says, losing her appetite for her milk tea at the remembrance (of the memory of blood against her cheeks and hands, her paddle resting at her side as she turns to the light and cries out for the creator on why must they suffer like this- why must they all have to go to war?) and the mention of the word itself.

“It’s not an observation. It’s reality,” Eldwin points to Pravat. “Have you noticed anything different about him lately?”

She follows his finger and squints, trying to see what Eldwin is seeing in Pravat. The older man was still smiling, as usual, his glasses gone, of course, probably tucked inside the outdoor bag they all packed together. His shirt was gone as well, revealing his muscles and- oh.

It was faint barely there unless someone notices it (the golden shine that was too unnatural on a human’s body) the marks of something in his veins, glowing and wiggling with every movement he does, slamming the ball down into the water of the opposing side. His eyes glowing alongside with it (his eyes feral-looking, wild and ancient like there was something there) and even his grin were ones that she used to know (a grin that spoke of power and something Other that would strike fear in those that does not know him that well).

“He’s more god than human now. Just like you.” Eldwin shakes his cup. “You don’t notice it. I don’t think anyone notices it lately but all of us are changing. More god but the thing is, it does not change the fact that our bodies are humans.”

She gulps, turning her eyes away from him and to Eldwin who steadily meets her gaze. “Why?”

He should know right? (Considering that he is the God of Knowledge, the One who knows what is to be and what has to be)

“I don’t know either,” Eldwin shrugs, blowing his bleached bangs up (to mimic the natural hair he used to have as a god) and burying his face on her hair. “I don’t know and to be honest? I don’t want to know.”

She can only grimace, patting his hair, leaning against the towels that were draped behind the chair. Lien couldn’t help but flicked her eyes back to the waters, letting Eldwin snuggle and take most of the space of the bench.

(There was a time where both of them sought comfort from one another. Grief makes them closed-off with the world. Her taking refuge in his Library while he goes over scrolls after scrolls on how to revive a god)

The boys in the water looked like their actual age (sometimes Lien forgets that most of them were still young. Their eldest, her and Pravat, only 19 while Eldwin was 17.) and seeing that Vikal saw her staring, she waves a hand underneath the umbrella that hides her- and Eldwin- from the sun. The man seemed to say something to the other, smiling and laughing when Felipe gasped exaggeratedly, throwing the ball at him while he waddled back to shore. The three left whistling and cheering him on.

(The way they all gathered around, bright big smiles on their faces made Lien feel like it was worth it. Worth the nights she took over online jobs for her parents just to prove to them that she can do it and that she is still their little Lien who can do anything as long as they asked for it. Just not leave her new family alone.)

“What’s happening?” She asks when he reached her. A solemn look on his face made her sit up, dislodging Eldwin who made a tiny noise and glared at both of them before wrapping himself in a towel, tapping on his phone for… heaven knows how long now.

Vikal didn’t say anything except take her leftover milk tea and putting it back inside the cooler before resuming to stare down at her. The shadow he creates making her squint, trying to see his expression. “Vikal?” She slowly asks, having a bad feeling with the other began to approach her.

“Vikal!” She screams when she finds strong arms sweeping her into the sky and into a warm soaking wet body that hurriedly began to run-

Towards the ocean-

“Vikal I swear to the heavens do not dare!” Lien screeches, clawing at his shoulders in an attempt to prevent what is inevitable. Vikal looked down at her, dark brown eyes shining mischievously and for a moment, she felt a feeling of weightlessness.

The air rushed around her- the world spinning until her body hit the waves a little bit painfully. The water embraced her (like an old lover, an old friend) and when she gathered her wits, she opened her eyes, finding herself deep underwater, bubbles rising from her lips and she closed her eyes.

One...

Two….

Three…

Four…

(There were so many times that she ended up drenched and soaking wet due to the times the others would think that it was funny to see. To get her to lighten up well, let’s see if they like it done to themselves.)

You know what? Lien stood up, finding that she wasn’t thrown into the deep end. The water reached only to her chest and when she managed to push away her hair from her eyes, she glared at Vikal who sheepishly waved at her then to the three men who were laughing. Felipe slapping the surface of the water and creating large splashes all around him.

“Oh, you think that was funny?” She arches a brow, slowly making her way towards him. “How about you try it?” Lien growls, reaching out for Felipe’s shoulders and pushing him down into the water with an angry, though not that angry, look.

Laughter turned to screams at the beach as she turned around to meet the other boys. “Run because if I fucking touch you-

YOU’RE NEXT!”

[We’re not together! And it’s quite normal to do favors for people!]

[Yea but not to the extent of actually dropping whatever they were doing just to answer to you and your weird cravings for snacks at like 3 am?? Plus you never said they’re your friends or your family- you even told me you’re not related :> seems pretty sussy to me dude.]

[As a matter of fact Leon, we are all just doing each other favors to help each other out. You should try it sometimes.]

[Nah man, you’re just a simp :// I’m not going to waste my precious hours listening to someone talk about a game unlike you. You don’t even play that game.]

[... Good night Leon.]

He closed the app and leaned against his bed, sighing and looked at the moon that seemed to taunt him on how it’s so late, and yet he’s still awake. Honestly, he doesn’t understand what has been going on with the world recently. Everything just seems… too chaotic for his liking.

(Though he couldn’t push the thought of his… group being more than what they are. Partners? Is that even a thing?)

Biting down on his bottom lip, he turned to google for an answer and typed out…

S….

I…

M…

P…

Eldwin wasn’t one to comment on someone’s relationship status. Not at all? Especially if it was something about their tiny group of six even when a lot of their actions can be considered romantic of some sorts. They never really discussed it. As Gods (back when love was something that doesn’t need to be said or told instead, is something seen in actions, in the Clans they decided to build and the connections they decided to keep), they never really thought much about it. They didn’t need to say anything about it (not when they all thought they have all of eternity for it) but he knows that not everyone appreciates it.

The ambiguous-relationship that most of them have with each other (he likes to think that there is nothing wrong about it. They’re there together and they’re all alive. He thinks that’s what matters most in the end, correct?) and none of them didn’t want to talk about it (didn’t want to open old scars from the past) so they just left it as just that.

Though his body slowly heals itself, Eldwin finds himself… observing their small group especially now where it's just him, Lien and Pravat left. The other three doing heavens knows what (probably trying to keep Felipe out of the house after another bad fight with Pravat) and he had his chin propped against the sofa, looking at the two eldest talking in the kitchen.

It was odd. Not hearing the laughter that normally would echo throughout the house (Felipe was noisy. Even in the middle of the night where Eldwin would wake up all of a sudden because the other was screaming bloody murder over a viode game) but it doesn’t mean he appreciates the silence where he can lounge on the sofa alone (his body aching and creaking, still running a fever that never seemed to go down anymore nowadays) and read his books.

(It was an article about this… children that seemed to have been born with glowing eyes and the power to bend metal and other elements to their will. If he was anyone else, he would have brushed it off. Except he knows those eyes. Light violet eyes and light hair, bundled up in a scarf that never seemed to leave him. Knows them quite so well that when the picture was blurred and the face was unrecognizable, the boy ducking to fit into a black car- he immediately knew who it was.)

“What do you want for dinner?” He hears Pravat say and he hides underneath his blanket, feeling a bit stealthy to peek at the two of them. Lien sits down in front of the table, running her hand over her hair as she continuously taps on her laptop. Pravat standing in front of their spice cabinet, with a white apron wrapped around his waist and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Seeing both of them, framed just right by the light and the doorway, looked nice together. Especially with the gentle smile that Pravat has directed towards her. (Voyage and the Skies have always came hand in hand, especially with the Ocean) Eldwin watches with hawk-like vision, trying to remember what is the perfect word to describe Pravat right at this moment.

Or at any moment when it comes to Lien.

Or to Vikal.

Or to anyone rather in their tiny group.

It wasn’t… normal? Or at least he thinks it’s not normal considering that if it’s one of them asking for something, Pravat will drop everything he would be doing at that period for it.

(If it was to anyone else, he would politely look at them, smiling before motioning to the thing that he was doing. Not even his own friends and family would get him to do that. Except for them.)

Eldwin thinks maybe because they know about each other for so long now?

(But then again, even back then, Pravat would be like that to them. Going out of his way, even during a very important gathering or when his duties were piling too much on him, he would do everything that they would ask. Though he would sometimes say he wasn’t the one who does it. Hiding the gifts he left for the others in their rooms without a label or a warning. Still, Eldwin isn’t the god of knowledge for a reason.)

He hums, turning back to his tablet and going onto Twitter before writing on a tweet;

[What’s the term for someone always willing to do something for someone to an exaggerated extent?]

It started as an experiment. A curiosity that he couldn’t help but indulge in when he saw Felipe in his bed scrolling through his phone. After days of observation, he has noticed… particular patterns around the house. Patterns that he doubts the others are aware of (but that’s okay. It’s his job to know.)

He entered the room without knocking (if it was anyone else, Felipe would have already stood up, tossing pillows, chairs or anything he can get his hands on just to make the other person get out. All Felipe did right now was look up before shrugging to the side, making space for him in his bed) and sat down in the space beside Felipe, curling beside him while dragging his blanket to cover his lap.

“What’s up?” Felipe turned to lay down on his side, staring up at him. Eldwin meets his eyes before pursuing his lips.

He hasn’t thought that far yet.

“Nothing is up.” He stretches, hands reaching for the tiny merlion plushie that Felipe has on his bed, something the Filipino has gotten after a quick visit in Singapore after they first met. “What about you?”

He had a plan but it doesn’t mean he hasn’t thought it through properly so- he just flopped in bed, looking up to the ceiling where tiny glow-in-the-dark plastic stars were plastered all across them. Crossing his fingers together, putting them over his stomach while Felipe gets comfortable, bringing in between them a pillow that was tucked to the corner with the other large amount of pillows he has.

“Hmmm… something tells me that nothing is just up your awesome Kuya is here!!” Felipe cheered, throwing the pillow to the ceiling before catching it. “Come on tell me tell me tell me tell me-” Eldwin had to stifle a laugh when the other began to sing. “Your kuya is here!”

“You’re not that much older than me,” he reminds Felipe with a tiny smile. “But you sure? You’re not too busy?” He licks his lips, ideas already going through his head the moment that Felipe asked. It’s not like he’s going to make the other do something stupid-

He’s not like that. (He’s not a god of mischief, after all, rather… a lot of other gods called him too serious at times)

“Nop! Come on, tell your kuya. If you need someone to be beaten up, I’ll have Vikal do it for you,” he wiggles his eyebrows, and Eldwin couldn’t help but snort. “If it’s online, I gotchu babe.”

“Anything at all?”

“Anything! C’mon. Tell me! These old joints of mine can’t wait for too long.”

Felipe wasn’t that old but Eldwin lets him sigh and exaggerate his movements, throwing his leg over Eldwin’s stomach and his hand almost hitting him in the face.

“Then,” he turns and lays down on his stomach. “Can you clean my room?”

Felipe paused. Violet eyes boring down on his own and he didn’t move when the other stared at him for too long. The older kid sat up, looking at him with an unreadable look in his eyes.

“You just don’t want to clean your room don’t you?” He accuses the other but Eldwin didn’t say anything when the other already began to crawl to go outside of the bed. “Really man? And I thought that you wanted me to beat someone up. That would be much mooreee fun.”

Eldwin shrugs, making himself comfortable in the admittedly clean room. He took a deep breath, letting the lemony scent of the air freshener that the other just sprayed before he entered the room fill his lungs before exhaling. His body ached, his head throbbed and as much as he liked his privacy- it was exhausting to be in his room. (To be alone when his body protested the nights where he was forced awake of the need to know everything and anything)

“You don’t have to,” he tries to play it off as a joke when Felipe frowns. “It was only a joke.”

It wasn’t.

Maybe that’s what he’s been trying to say. There are patterns in their household. Pravat sleeps the latest and raises in the morning along with the sun, always the first person out of bed and would go outside for a walk (to observe and see if there is anyone near them) then coming back just in time for breakfast to be ready after Felipe decided to go down for a snack before heading to bed.

Vikal would often drag most of them out for a ride (being home almost every day taking a toll on most of them) and would always be touching someone’s skin (fear of losing, fear of being alone, Eldwin thinks that most of them have that). Then when it’s raining too much, Usama would be found draped around someone for warmth and comfort, silent as thunder roared just outside the windows (it didn’t stop raining when Felipe died. So many cities were flooded in the grief and pain that the God of Weather felt).

Patterns that he thinks are needed for all of them to function.

But his patterns are normally the patterns he should really try to break. Along with his curiosity and thirst for knowledge that doesn’t seem to abide no matter how much he tries to inhale as many articles as he possibly can in one night. (His body cannot keep up with his brain and now it has to pay the price for the nights he couldn’t sleep and his mind just refuses to give him a rest)

His room is always a mess. Exhaustion weighing down on his body as his eyes try to close down on himself but his mind refuses to let him. He bites down on his fingers (nervous habit), seeing the way Felipe looks at him before taking a hoodie off the floor and handing it over to him.

“Fine.” Felipe laughs, tossing his head up as he ruffles Eldwin’s hair. “This time okay? Since you’re a little cutie pie and you look a little sick there.” The other put his cool hand over Eldwin’s burning forehead. “Yikes. You really look sick. Wait here I’ll have Usama bring up the Vicks.”

Felipe flicks the youngest’s forehead with a grin. “You’ll see- your room will be squeaky clean in no time!”

And with that, the other already left, screaming at the top of his lungs calling out for Usama who was somewhere around the apartment. “USAMA BRO!! WHERE’S THE VICKS?”

“I DON’T KNOW??” echoed in response and Eldwin couldn’t help but laugh, grabbing the pillows and making himself at home in Felipe’s bed, eyes drooping at the comforting smell of coffee and the scent of the fabric conditioner.

Maybe… Can this be considered a success? If it was anyone from back home (be it his family who doesn’t understand that he can’t control his sleep schedule all or his roommates that would just yell at him for not being able to clean) they would just force himself to do it on his own but here- if he just asked, a lot of people are willing to help at least here.

(But then again, it shouldn’t count. No- it definitely doesn’t count.)

(“Your library is a mess again.” He looks up from a book, squinting his eyes at the God of Weather who was making his books floats and returning them with a wave of his hand. “Lien told me you haven’t been going out again. She left you some food here.”

He only gave a nod before continuing on scribbling on the piece of parchment he had stationed in front of him. “Busy” is the only thing he replies, focusing back on rewriting the files that has gotten wet after going out into the ocean just to visit Felipe.

Eldwin ignores the other fixing his safe haven, biting down on the bread that was being held out to him and-

What?

He looks up to meet glowing teasing violet eyes and water droplets floating around him. Felipe grins at him and pushes the bread to his mouth. “Hungry?” the other leans on the table, pushing aside the books he has to the floor that was caught by Vikal’s winds.

He didn’t say anything, only turning to the ink drying and taking a munch on the bread. Not really recognizing that the pain he has been feeling all this time was hunger. Nope. Not at all.

At least… there’s people who’ll make sure that he wouldn’t starve on his own, even if his solitaire and precious silence will be interrupted by someone screeching-

“FELIPE!! DON’T THROW WATER AT ME- FELIPE! VIKAL STOP HIM- DON’T JUST LAUGH THERE-”)

[What’s the term for someone always willing to do something for someone to an exaggerated extent?]

Felipe wrinkles his nose at the explanation before bringing up his hand to the sky, tracing a meteor fall. Usama followed the motion, watching as droplets of water dripped down his robes. “You really think that? Then why do humans die if they’re created from our liking? Has a god even tried to die? Or is that something that doesn’t exist at all for us? What is death even like? I know that Death and death are like the same thing but… I don’t know. A mother died today near my shores.”

Ah. No wonder. Usama reaches out for the other, the boat tilting haphazardly to one side and he brushes a nail against Felipe’s bangs. The god of the oceans leaned in to nuzzle his hand, hiding his face from the bright lights that filled the darkness of the night. The clamor of the gods up above loud and echoing in the mortal world where they are right now.

Out of all the gods he knows, Felipe… was one of the few that seemed to adore humans. Not that he minded the mortals of course, it’s just that… he doesn’t care much about them just like how Felipe does or that tiny god that was the patron of artists Fe-fe something. The soft look in his eyes when he sees children playing in his waters often made Usama think that sooner or later, they might have little godlings in the palace playing around but no.

It never came.

“Her children burned her near the beach and offered the ashes to my waters and- I just don’t understand. They cry a lot I noticed like- is death that painful that they would cry?” The god of the seas sat up, the waves underneath him supporting him as he curled on top of the ocean. Knees to his chest and holds onto Usama’s hands. “Is death painful or is it the knowledge of knowing that they will never be able to hold you that is painful?”

Usama squeezed his hand, not really knowing what to say but crawled out of the boat, risking getting wet. But when his feet hit the water, it supported his weight, letting him sit down cross-legged in a water platform and hold the other close to him. He pressed his lips on the top of the other’s hair and just sat there, looking at the stars and the magic that escaped the realm of the gods by the lights that humans would say leads them to a world of peace and safety.

“What are you saying?” He asks, not liking the way Felipe’s eyes brimmed with tears.

A god is not meant to cry. The same way they are not meant to love.

It comes with being a god. Some might say it was a curse of a god for not being able to feel. To love just as freely as a human can and to mourn the passage of time just as a human can. But Usama, while he may not understand the sighs and envy that Eldwin would have towards humanity, understands that that is just how gods must be.

If they were like a human who can feel and say what they want to say, hold grudges and fall in love then… it would make doing their duties a lot more harder than it should be. They are gods. Not humans.

“They asked me when I approached them if I as a god will ever know the sufferings that they went through,” Felipe laughs- a bitter awful laugh that made Usama’s fur stand up. “If I just sit on my throne and watch as people die and suffer and- I couldn’t say anything. Not when they looked at me that hatefully.”

Usama pressed his lips together, not knowing what to say. He doesn’t care much about what the humans call him, all he knows is that they fear him. For a good reason.

No one dares to anger the ruler of beasts.

Felipe continues on.

“I asked Pravat about it and he said that- I shouldn’t let myself down over the words of a trifling mortal. Trifling Usama- like they are not beings that we cared for since they first were brought to life? Are we really as cold as humans think about us? Heartless and cold and we only care for ourselves?”

The choked screams that followed made Usama whimper, holding the other tightly. He doesn’t know what to do. Felipe wasn’t someone that would cry. No. Felipe wasn’t someone that would even show the actual emotions that he would feel- not when the ocean already shows his very state of being with it’s waves.

This Felipe who cries in his arm right now is-

Is-

Is not the god that he knows him to be.

“Is it wrong to want something? Is it wrong to stand in front of your throne because it is your birthright?” Felipe cries out, now holding on to Usama’s hands. Cold tight fingers gripping his arms that it felt like frost began to climb to his hands. “Is it wrong to be a god? Is it wrong to exist or create a legacy that will follow even after we have perished-”

“We are Gods!” Usama yelled.

Then everything went silent.

The god of beasts taking deep breaths while his red eyes searches the shocked violet eyes of his pack member. A part of him felt guilty for yelling. A part didn’t- it was furious, wanting to bare its fangs at the words that their fellow god is saying. They are gods.

They do not have any reasons to explain themselves to humanity or to anyone else. They exist to protect and rule their domain. They are the embodiments of their domains. Given life by the creator to prevent the world from falling into chaos and destruction. It is their utmost duty to make sure that the world doesn't end. That is why they were each given a domain to take care of, to watch over and to protect.

Humans will never understand that.

The same way the Gods will never understand why they were created in the first place. Eldwin said it might just be a whim of the creator but Usama- the one who has seen their cruelties first hand- disagrees. Everything happens for a reason.

“We are gods Felipe.” He holds the other by the shoulder, staring right at them. “We are gods and we are eternal. We are made and created to withstand the passage of time, to watch over the change of what should have been and what shall be. Centuries of living, surviving and being- do you really think that the short lifespan of a human will understand that we must be who we are right now? Do you think that they-” he shakily takes a deep breathe “- will understand it? That they will understand what it feels to remain stagnant while the world rapidly changes?”

He should feel bad. He really should but Felipe was crying. Refusing to acknowledge that there is nothing that they can do. Empathizing with humans who will only live for a few years before dying. Just like how plants wither every winter and how even the stars fall.

Everything that will happen is inevitable.

“Then why…” Felipe trails and Usama tries to hear his voice- only to be pushed down into the waters. The cold covering him and water filling his lungs and no matter how much he struggles-

Scratch on those thin but rather strong hands of the god with his claws, drawing golden blood that drips down-

How much he tries to pry those cold fingers away from his neck-

He couldn’t-

Gasping for air-

“If I’m a god then why…” The look in his eyes was dark- unknown that he cannot even focus on the way that Felipe doesn’t even look like Felipe anymore- instead looked like the corpse that he had pushed into the waters on that fateful day-

“If we are all so powerful and oh so immortal then why-”

Bubbles leaving his lips as he sank deeper into the ocean whose currents holds him by the waist like claws, digging through his very being-

“Why did I die?”

Snapping his eyes open, he sat up, gasping for air. Hands clenching his shirt as if trying to reassure his heart that he was still alive. Someone’s cold hand coming up to catch him just in time before he accidentally banged his head over the top bunk. He paused, heart, thundering in his chest that he thought that it might fly off and end up on the floor.

The light in the room making his eyes water, hissing back from the pain and while everything still felt muffled, he heard someone muttering something.

“Li… yea… Thanks…”

That someone smelled like Eldwin- old ancient books and the minty scent of the toothpaste that the other seemed to like- and he leaned closer, brushing back Usama’s bangs when the other ended up falling back to bed. Groaning and closing his eyes, curling around a pillow and burying his face into the damp towel that has fallen onto the bed. Breathing in the smell of Vicks and coughing when Eldwin pats his back.

“Feeling…. Your temp…. You know better than…”

He groans loudly and glared at the admittedly blank face that meets him. An eyebrow arched when he wiggled in his bed to sit up and crossed his legs, sniffing when he saw his room’s windows open and a bucket of cold water at the side on top of his study table. Eldwin puts down his tablet and lays his hands on top of his knees, just like how he would usually. Patiently waiting for him with that expressionless face that he only has towards him.

(Anger. Regret. Guilt. Despite being so blank, Usama sees so many expressions that it makes him dizzy just looking at him.)

“Why do you…” he coughs, not used to the raspiness of his throat but continues after a sip of water from the glass that was pushed into his hands. “Why did we die?”

Not how. Not where. Not when.

But why?

They’re gods right? Why did they have to die?

They were supposed to be immortals. Everlasting. Eternal.

Usama tracked the small twitch that Eldwin’s hand gave before the other turned to the side, looking down on the floor. “Did you have another nightmare?” The youngest asks, reaching down to put a blanket that has fallen on the floor on top of his lap. “You normally wouldn’t ask that.”

(None of them would.)

He didn’t answer, only looking at Eldwin with a sad look in his eyes that made the other sigh. The teen moved, turning to sit on the bed and push him back down. The other shook his head when he saw Usama about to protest. “You’re sick. You need as much rest as you can possibly get.”

And with that, the other puts a brand new cold towel over his forehead, blinding him in the darkness.

“That’s because we were meant to die.” The statement echoed in the room. “We may have been gods but we were destined to fall. It just so happened the war was right there at a perfect time.”

“...Then why do we remember?”

Eldwin’s hand paused from fixing the blankets and the pillows for a minute.

Then another. Before resuming just as quickly as if he never once paused in the first place.

“Because maybe our souls decided to refuse to forget the people that we learned to cherish and love.”

Love?

Usama still doesn’t believe in that. Not when love has caused so many to mourn and perish but… the gentle pats on his head and the familiar scent of someone that he has learned means no harm towards him… slowly…

Underneath the cold towel, his eyes closed and for another time that night, he fell deeper into the darkness.

Into sleep.

(“Do you think humans will remember us even after we disappear?”

“Gods don’t disappear.”

“I know but… what if we do disappear?”

“Then… I’ll stay alive. Just for you. For us. So that no one will forget what we have seen and what we have encountered.”)