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"Every night, I meet new people, see new places to perform in, eat different foods from different cities or countries but my concert would always end the same. I have always ended my concerts, happily sending you home. Hoping that the happiness we had in this stadium will stay with you even after you go home and hopefully stays with you, like how you make me happy everyday of my life."
Jeonghan smiled as his fans were tearing up as he started saying his ending ment.
"It has always been the same, but tonight....before this lovely night ends… would it be okay to ask for a quiet moment with you? A little different from our usual..." Han smiled as he took the guitar that one of his staff brought to the stage. It was a guitar one of his fans gave. It was customized with pearls and diamonds, the staff even added little daisies and roses on the sling to make it look more beautiful. He strummed a little as he waited for his fans. Some fans are trying to settle down on their seats. Some fans are preparing their lights to wave.
It was again another concert in one of the biggest stadiums in South Korea. He strummed his guitar again as he scanned the front row, in front of the barriers separating the stage and the fans, concert staff all started going out. Filling in the space. It is his usual ending in concert. From his core team to production team, even the venue staff are all lined up in front. The live band who plays for his concert who are usually hidden on the side are now lined up at the back, seen by the whole stadium. Ending his concert with the most important people that usually just stays at the back of a running concert lights a spark of joy in his heart.
He started slowly playing the guitar as most of the staff were already out and settled in front and in the sea of faces a few he could recognize but most were strangers, he saw him. Seungcheol Choi. Everyday, like how it has been for almost 10 years, his world stood still. His smile was all he ever needed. He knew he was doing well.
Nothing else matters. Jeonghan couldn't help but feel the butterflies in his stomach. Fluttering their wings, but more like a moth on its lamp, fluttering nearer the flame. Knew they would burn but admired it anyways.
"During this tour…" he started. "Aside from the excitement of seeing you…" the crowd cheered. "Something else also kept me going and now, I am well aware this is the last stop of this tour. It would take a little while before you see me again. I wanted to make tonight even more special."
Jeonghan breathed in deep. Tonight, is again one of those nights where he would take one step to bare his heart to these strangers hoping that one day, they would understand.
"There's this song that I have written. Actually it's not finished yet but I want to play at least half of it here."
Jeonghan searched for his eyes, again. He was there. Wearing the official jacket the staff wore for his tour. Trying to blend in. He was wearing a black cap with the little angel wings embroidered. He knew it because it was the cap he gave him. Seungcheol never wanted to stand out, but despite this night being Jeonghan's night. In spite of the whole stadium being filled with people that are there for Jeonghan. In spite of the lights striking at one spot, where Jeonghan stands, making him look like an angel in the sun's reflecting light. Jeonghan saw Seungcheol, saw the stars bright in his eyes, saw the sunlight in his smile, saw his future in his face and suddenly it was like all the flickering lights, the ocean of lights in this stadium, were nothing compared to him.
Seungcheol was smiling at him. Staring at Jeonghan, questions running inside his head. He probably saved this world in his past life to deserve Jeonghan in this lifetime. He must've had the greatest heroic story that he is rewarded with someone like Jeonghan. Someone that could have everything and anything, as long as he wanted it, laid on his feet and yet he wanted Seungcheol. Choose him every waking day, a life with him in it. Jeonghan was quietly strumming the guitar, filling the whole stadium with something new but familiar. He knew his eyes reflected what he felt at that moment. He feels so proud of Jeonghan. He did everything that he could for this dream to finally come true. Sacrificed a lot but Jeonghan made everything worth it.
It was a really hard day today
My heart aches for you
The only thing I can do for you
Is to be next to you, I'm sorry
A tear slipped from Jeonghan’s eyes. He has written this song in hopes that he could tell Cheol how sorry he is for being so lacking. Spent his nights racking his brain for words, enough to tell a story. Jeonghan continued playing the guitar while staring at Seungcheol, whose face is now laced with tender longing and worry. He smiled at him.
You're so pretty when you smile
So every time you lose that smile
Even if I have to give my all
I want to give it back to you
It is true. It might be ridiculous, but he would give anything, give up everything to keep Seungcheol happy. Tonight, like every other day and night of their lives, Seungcheol looks at him like he has hung the moon for him. He wanted Seungcheol to feel that too. That when everytime he looks at him, Seungcheol would feel all the love that he has kept inside his heart.
I want to cry for you
I want to hurt instead of you
I don't want any scars in your heart
Ever again
Most of the time, Jeonghan is told that whoever he is with must have hit the jackpot of a lifetime. What an irony, right? Because most of the time, he feels bad for Seungcheol. He deserves everything in this world and yet he stays with Jeonghan. 10 years… they've been together for 10 years and not one day did he feel Seungcheol get tired of him. Jeonghan wanted to cry at the thoughts of his morning being filled with kisses and sweet nothings from Seungcheol. Yet, his Cheollie's nights were filled with nightmares and Jeonghan is just so selfish.
When you love someone
So much that it overflows
It's so amazing
Because this is how it is
As the second verse starts, Jeonghan closes his eyes. Welling up from all the love he has in his heart. Seungcheol never dared to take his eyes off of Jeonghan. Even when his beautiful face is now tear-stained. Even when he was biting his lip at times forcing himself to finish singing without loudly wailing in front of these thousands of people, strangers who will never understand.
I hope I can be a little helpful at least
I hope I can be your resting place
I'll try to make you feel at peace
Whenever you think of me during your busy days
Jeonghan remembered all the nights he woke up to Seungcheol crying in his sleep. He has never said it but Jeonghan somehow knew why. He knew why but he couldn't let go of his dream or Seungcheol. He badly wanted to keep them both. He sang as he stared at Seungcheol's eyes. The man smiling so warmly assuring Jeonghan that everything will be alright. He hopes it will. He really does hope it will.
You're such a soft-hearted person
Every time you are silently in pain
Even if I have to give my all
I want to make you smile again
The more he sang this song, the more it dawns upon him how selfish he is. Seungcheol has been suffering for him, for them. He cannot even meet him halfway. Seungcheol is such a kind and beautiful person. God, he knew he doesn't deserve him but he wants to keep him so bad. He wants to keep him while he continues to achieve his dream but the world thinks otherwise and his heart cries.
This is a song for you
I'm singing for you
I'll give you my everything
He gripped his guitar a little bit stronger as the song was coming to an end. He waved one last time to his fans as he bowed with all the staff in front, dancers and live band lined up on his side. Slowly he walked backwards as the led started closing. He stayed until the led fully closed. He smiled. Another song was written for his love. He wonders if this is enough. He knew it isn't but he hopes anyways.
He took off the guitar sling and handed it to one of the staff waiting for him. He walked through the alley to the waiting room. Bowed on every staff that was waiting for him, clapping their hands.
Meters away from his waiting room, stood the love of his life. Seungcheol was just there, standing with a wide smile on his face and suddenly Jeonghan feels like these are all enough. He smiled at him as he stopped walking, suddenly so embarrassed and overwhelmed. He just bared his heart out there with a song Seungcheol hasn’t even heard.
Seungcheol smiled wider and opened his arms. Awaiting for the love of his life to finally come to him. Because this is how their love is. Out there, he is Yoon Jeonghan, the nation's angel but here, in his arms, he is just Jeonghan, his Hannie, the love of his life. It's just them and their love.
Jeonghan took the strength to run into Seungcheol's awaiting arms. "You did great today, my love." He heard him whisper and he nodded.
"Let's go home?" He felt him kiss the side of his head. Jeonghan, without removing his arms around Seungcheol's shoulders, lifted his head that was buried at the crook of Seungcheol's neck. Stared at him lovingly, all these years and still…
He nodded and gave Cheol one last kiss.
—
One moment, he was in Seungcheol's arms. The next he is being whisked to the reporters, media, waiting for him on his last stop. His manager and vocal coach, Boo Seungkwan, already listed down the possible questions he will be expected to answer. He knew those questions like a mantra but definitely did his best to listen. It has been a tiring day for everyone. The least he could do is make it a little less tiring for the wrap up.
"How do you feel about your sold out 17 stops for this tour?"
"How does it feel to be able to have the greatest performers of South Korea as your guests?"
"What's next after this tour?"
"Are you preparing for another album?"
"Your last song will be part of your next album or is that another surprise to fans?"
Jeonghan, though bombarded, tried to answer them all. As brief as he could. Seungkwan said they will only entertain 20 questions. He did his best so they could finish immediately…
"Your boyfriend was seen with a woman a week ago? Were you aware of that? Are you two still together?"
"Joshua Hong was seen in the crowd tonight. Will we finally hear some confirmation from any of you?"
Jeonghan's heart started beating so fast. It is questions like this that he hates so much. His palms were starting to sweat. He frantically tried to search for Seungkwan.
"Okay, okay thank you! We still have an after party and wrap up to do. Thank you for coming to see Jeonghan!" Fortunately, Seungkwan knew when to appear. He whisked Jeonghan away from the reporters.
"You said you made sure every question will only be music and concert related." He muttered as they walked together.
"I did!" Seungkwan whined as he was accused. "You know how filthy some of them could be! Of course they would sneak in some inappropriate questions! Also, tell Seungcheol about this!"
It was that and then he was pushed inside his waiting room. He found Seungcheol checking the gifts that were delivered for him. Seungcheol knows how he likes taking his fans’ gifts home but he doesn’t allow him to take those gifts that are creepy and inappropriate. Seungcheol was particularly staring at a certain box when Jeonghan decided to go near him. Hugging him from the back trying to get a glimpse of whatever was inside the box over his boyfriend's shoulder.
"What's that?" Seungcheol hummed as he opened the box and showed it to Jeonghan. Inside the box were little pink and white roses along with daisies. In the middle sat a little velvet covered box with an emerald stone in it. Jeonghan sighed as he already knew why Seongcheol was bothered by that gift.
"He still sends you gifts?" Seungcheol asks in a quiet voice. Jeonghan released Seungcheol from his hug and took the box, closed it and put it aside, away from the other gifts he was willing and allowed to accept. "I'll give it to Seungkwan later. Let's have him take care of that." He smiled a little before slightly nudging Cheol to face and hug him.
"I hate how that man could not take hints. I've been returning all his gifts." A governor, from a city where Jeonghan had one of his stops for this tour, constantly sends him expensive gifts, sometimes inappropriate ones, too. The first one was a set of expensive clothes and lingerie, Seungkwan had it returned immediately the next day. The second one was custom made Tiffany anklet with his name on it. He brought it home thinking it was okay but upon seeing how Seungcheol stared at that jewelry for days, he asked Seungkwan to return it.
Seungcheol nodded. Understanding. A shadow of mischief in his eyes.
"Turn around." Seungcheol instructed and Jeonghan immediately obeyed, facing the one wall vanity mirror inside the waiting room. He saw Seungcheol take out two little boxes from a paper bag. The first one he opened contained a necklace with a tear drop shaped diamond pendant. The other box contains a string of little diamonds Jeonghan didn't know what for.
Seungcheol started undoing the little braids on Jeonghan's hair. "Let's put this on you." His smile never faltered as Seungcheol started clipping the chain of diamonds, albeit messy, he likes it nonetheless, on his hair. He also took the necklace from its confinement and made Jeonghan wear it.
Jeonghan stared wide eyed on his neck where the necklace is and played with the diamonds now dangling like little fairy lights on his hair.
"You've bought this for me?" Seungcheol smiled so wide knowing Jeonghan liked his gift the most. Kissed him on his cheeks.
"Minghao knew a jeweler that's around town for a business. He helped me order some custom pieces for you."
"These are made for me? Only for me?"
"Only for you, my love."
“You didn’t have to one up every little thing that people gave me. Yours will always be the most valuable to me.” Jeonghan reached out for a hug playing with Seungcheol's nape as he smiled so wide and peppered Seungcheol's face with small kisses.
"I'm glad you loved them…" Jeonghan nodded and somehow they were in their own little world again. Lost in each other's eyes and smiles. Until Jeonghan remembered something.
"Seungkwan's angry at you…"
"When is he ever not angry? He is like a walking ball of anger…" They were both giggling as the door to Jeonghan’s waiting room suddenly opened.
"I heard you!" It was Seungkwan on the door. Holding it open. "Get out now. We have an after party. One more tonight and I'm out of your hair for a month."
Seungcheol and Jeonghan laughed at him as they fixed themselves to go after the waking ball of ang— Seungkwan.
As expected, the party was full of celebrities. Some he knows personally, most he barely knew. He sees Minghao, Jun and Dino on one corner as he and Cheol entered the club.
It is one of the clubs that Cheol and Jihoon manage together with Soonyoung. Cheol wanted to make sure that none of the paparazzi and unwanted crazy supporters could enter so he asked Seungkwan to allow the party to be held at their club.
Of course, Jeonghan knew what this would mean the next day but he couldn't care enough. He will deal with that tomorrow. Tonight, he wants to celebrate.
"Hannie, here. The guys are here!" Seungcheol pulled him into a VIP area where Mingyu, Wonwoo, Jisoo, Seokmin and Vernon were waiting.
"HYUNG!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!" His friends shouted as Seungkwan popped some wine. He smiled so wide, thankful that he had a small corner with people that really matters in his life. Soonyoung and Jihoon were also there. His circle has certainly got bigger because Cheol's friends became his friends, too. Minghao, Jun and Dino joined them a little later in their booth.
"HYUNG I PREPARED A ROUTINE FOR YOU!" It was Soonyoung shouting. Trying to make his voice louder than the music playing inside the club.
"You did?" Soonyoung was frantically nodding and before he could ask what kind of routine it was, Soonyong already left the room.
"I told him he didn't have to." Came Jihoon's voice. Jeonghan elbowed Seungcheol as he hear his boyfriend snicker.
"It's fine Ji! I really like watching Soonyoung dance anyway."
Not long after Soonyoung came back wearing a flashy silver costume he used to wear when he still dances in the club of course with little patches courtesy of Minghao as per Jihoon's request and approval. Jihoon owns a chain of high end clubs where he met his husband Soonyoung. Soonyoung used to dance at his clubs, for fun, he said. After they got married, Jihoon begged Soonyoung to stop already as he could very well provide for them both. Soonyoung loved dancing. Hoshi, his persona, was his favorite but then all of them knew he loves Jihoon more than anything. Jihoon only needs to ask once and Soonyoung was ready to give up but little performances like this wouldn't hurt, right?
Soonyoung started circling in the pole at the center of the VIP room as a sensual music started playing. Jeonghan couldn't help but notice how Cheol's grip on his waist tightened. Their friends were already whooping some praises for Soonyoung but he couldn't help but focus on Cheol. He turned his body slightly to whisper in his ear.
"Are you threatened?"
Seungcheol gave him a lopsided smile and stole a kiss from Jeonghan's lips.
"We both know I am not. Do you want me to prove that to you?"
He giggled as he rested his back again, leaning on Cheol. Once Soonyoung finished dancing all his friends, especially Seokmin, were already standing and were trying to copy whatever moves Soonyoung did.
"Another tour, huh?" It was Jisoo. One of his long time friends. Even before Jisoo became one of South Korea's top model and Jeonghan being the nation's angel, they were already friends.
"You tell me. You've been whooping Gucci, Dior and Zara in just a week." They both laughed as Cheol just listened to them.
"Have you heard of it?" Jisoo's tone suddenly went an octave lower. Jeonghan sighed as he held Seungcheol's hand tightly. "Yeah. One of the reporters asked me earlier."
Seungcheol stared at him worriedly. He just squeezed his hand again. Not wanting to talk about it in a very loud and public place. Whatever their problem is could wait. His friends who are already downing glasses of tequilas however could not.
The night went on like a blur. 11 shots of tequila and 6 glasses of mojito and Jeonghan was already slurring on his words. His tolerance is never that high unlike Seungcheol. Despite the low tolerance, Jeonghan kept downing glasses of whatever liquor Mingyu gave him. It was on his 10th or was it 11th glass of JD did Cheol intervene.
"My love, your head's gonna hurt like hell tomorrow." He tried looking at his boyfriend's eyes. Jeonghan was already swaying, eyes almost closed due to the amount of liquor in his system and his body was already shutting down due to the tiring concert and long night with his friends. It was already 3 in the morning.
"Let's go home?" Han nodded and just let Cheol almost carry him to their car.
As Jeonghan expected, the media was flocking outside the bar. With Soonyoung and Jihoon, ahead of them, trying to make way for them and their other friends. Tailing behind him and Seungcheol were Seungkwan, Vernon, Seokmin, and Jisoo. They decided to pass through the backdoor and yet the back alley was as full of reporters as the one in front of the club.
Cheol held him tightly as Jeonghan could barely walk. Jisoo even helped out.
"I'll drop you guys off." Seungkwan pushed the group inside the company van waiting for them all. Seokmin and Jisoo was first off and then Jihoon and Soonyoung. Then it was Cheol and Jeonghan.
"You think they'll be fine?" Vernon asked as he fixed the back seat that suddenly looked like it was hit by a storm because of their friends. Seungkwan entered the van after sending Seungcheol and Jeonghan to their shared apartment, slowly closing its door and went immediately to cuddle Vernon.
"Those two have been through hell and back, this is just nothing they could not solve."
Vernon nodded as he collected Seungkwan in his arms. "You did great, Seungkwan-ah. Let me take care of you now." Seungkwan smiled as he closed his eyes. He has been taking care of Jeonghan and their team for the whole 3 months of that tour, it's nice to finally be the one being cared for.
—
The first few days of Jeonghan's vacation turned out not to be like he hoped for. Of course he did not expect Seungcheol would take a leave because he is on leave, right? Nor did he expect him to allot this week to be with him knowing that album preparations are just around the corner. Of course he did not, but tonight as he stared at Seungcheol putting on his neck tie in front of their vanity mirror. Sadness just boils in the pit of his stomach.
"You are really leaving?" He bites on the insides of his cheeks..
"Hannie, I told you. Jihoon can't make it tonight. Soonyoung is sick." Seungcheol sighed as he straightened his coat.
"Then I am sick too!" Jeonghan knew that was nonsense. Childish even. Seungcheol is preparing for work. It's not like he is leaving him alone because he just wants a night out.
"Do you want to come with me? You can stay in my office while I work or you can party with your friends if you want?" Seungcheol faces him. He did not miss how Jeonghan was making faces as he spoke.
"My back would hurt sleeping on that small sofa and I don't want to be with my friends, I see them everyday on shoots and recordings. I want to be with you."
"But I have no choice but to leave you here. I'm really sorry." Seungcheol's voice was warm. Trying to coo Jeonghan.
"Be home early in the morning." He settles. Seungcheol smiled and leaned in for a kiss.
"I'll be here before you wake up."
As he was left alone in the house, Jeonghan made a list of everything he wanted to do by morning and for the rest of his vacation. Smirking as he stared at the amount of plans he had, Jeonghan slept with a smile on his face.
—
True to his promise, Seungcheol was home even before Jeonghan was awake. He took a shower before slipping in their bed beside Jeonghan. Lifting the latter's head and replacing his pillows with his arms, pulling and hugging Jeonghan by the waist. In return, Jeonghan turned to face him and snuggled closer.
"You're home …" Jeonghan sleepily muttered not even opening his eyes. Seungcheol hummed a little as he pulled Jeonghan a little closer, rubbing his back so he could go back to sleep.
By 9 in the morning, Jeonghan was already up and kicking. Rummaging about the things in their living room. Seungcheol woke up at the sound of things moving.
"You should have woken me up…" He said as Jeonghan, pushing their sofa around, came into view. Seungcheol immediately went in to help despite still being sleepy.
"Was my music too loud? Was I too loud? I'm sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep, I'll keep it down."
Seungcheol shook his head. After pushing the sofa where Jeonghan wants it to be, he kissed his boyfriend good morning and began asking what he could do. Seungcheol surely did not expect Jeonghan would want to turn their whole unit upside down.
"Hannie, what's happening?"
"Huh?" Jeonghan was now arranging all the records he and Seungcheol has.
"It's so not you to have the energy to move things around… on your first day of vacation! Shouldn't you be resting?"
"It's fine! I just want the house to be a little brighter this time." Jeonghan gave a knowing smile. Seungcheol did not understand but helped him anyway.
“Let’s empty one room! You need to help me move those furniture inside.” Seungcheol could only growl a little complain but went after Jeonghan.
—
After a long tiring, dragging day of cleaning and moving things around, Seungcheol and Jeonghan decided to spend their dinner in their living room with food Seungcheol bought from a nearby diner.
"What movie do you have?" Jeonghan asks as he waits for Seungcheol to prepare all the foods he has bought.
"The Secret Life of Pets…"
Jeonghan grumbled a couple of disagreements as Seungcheol laughed at him.
"Your fans said you looked like the rabbit character in that movie. I just wanna see why!"
“Since when were you lurking on what my fans say about me? I told you to stop reading things.”
And so they did watch The Secret Life of Pets with a little teasing from Cheol everytime the little white rabbit appeared on the screen.
Later that night, as both of them settled on the couch with Jeonghan almost lying on top of Seungcheol just so no one fell off from the couch. Jeonghan started the inevitable.
“Who was it this time Cheol?” Jeonghan asked quietly. He wasn’t accusing. He knew Seungcheol so much that he trusts his answer will never hurt him. Seungcheol has never hurted him. Not intentional anyway.
Seungcheol, before answering, pulled Jeonghan closer to him if that was even possible. Without even asking directly, Seungcheol knew what Jeonghan meant.
“She was a waitress from the bar beside ours Han.” Seungcheol’s voice was quiet and assuring. Jeonghan nodded. “What happened this time?” Jeonghan lifted his face a little to stare at Seungcheol. “She was backhanded by a drunk customer, the owner and manager was nowhere to be found. Jihoon and Soonyoung were trying to call the police, I was the only one left to help her out…”
Jeonghan nodded in understanding. Since the day the public knew about Seungcheol, the media has painted his boyfriend as some cheater and slacker that does not deserve Jeonghan. First 3 years into his career, Jeonghan already wanted the public to know that he is in a very committed relationship but the company wanted him to hold back a little longer. Says it wouldn’t be good for his career. He agreed. He enjoyed the privacy it gave them anyway. Storms came during the 4th year into his career, Jeonghan was suddenly paired up with Jisoo. The public has seen them together multiple times and somehow liked the idea of them together.
Jisoo hasn’t even announced to the public that he is married. He and Seokmin have kept their relationship to themselves ever since. Jeonghan didn’t want to pressure his friends to reveal their relationship to the public but Jeonghan hated the fact that he was paired with someone other than his boyfriend. 6 years into his career, Jeonghan admitted their relationship in public but despite his honesty, the world was still against it and wants only Jisoo for Jeonghan because according to these strangers Jisoo is what Jeonghan deserves, not some other man named Seungcheol Choi.
Jeonghan and Seungcheol didn’t mind what the people thought about them. Things were alright until some sleazy reporter dug up Seungcheol's records. Seen how he isn’t from a well off family, that he didn’t even finish college. That he has tattoos and that he drinks and smokes and that he owns multiple chains of clubs that the public believed came from some nasty underground deal.
What they did not know is the fact that Seungcheol hadn't finished college because they were in their first year in college when they admitted their relationship to Jeonghan’s family. His father did not take it well and since then pretended his son did not exist. They were both scholars in their university but the cost of food, dorm and extra expenses weren’t covered.
Jeonghan by that time was still a struggling singer-wannabe. He would audition in different companies every week in hopes to finally be accepted. Joins different singing contests to be able to get some extra for him and Cheol but that wasn’t really enough. Cheol, didn’t have the heart to stop Jeonghan from chasing his dreams so he started working 3 jobs to keep them both afloat resulting to him dropping out on their second year in college. From then, Jeonghan promised himself he will never stop chasing his dreams until he becomes successful. He doesn’t want Cheol’s sacrifices to be in vain.
Seungcheol, during the course of trying to keep him and Jeonghan alive while they both chased Jeonghan’s dreams to be a singer, met Jihoon. Heir to chains of restaurants and hotels. They clicked and became friends. Long story short, Jihoon helped Seungcheol put up his club. Then, like the skies started opening doors for the both of them, while Seungcheol juggled to learn running a club and working for him and Jeonghan. Jeonghan got a call from an agency willing to train and sign him up as a solo artist.
Jeonghan thought, letting his fans know about Cheol would let him breathe. No more hiding during dates in fears of being recognized. No more forced stay at home dates because Jeonghan would be pushed and pulled by fans once they see him. No more hiding on interviews with a script about the real score between him and Jisoo just to pacify the fans or scripts that would make the public think that he is in a certain relationship with another celebrity to boost his fame. It was like that until sleazy media and disgusting supporters started rumors painting Seungcheol as someone who doesn’t deserve Jeonghan because apparently only someone like Jisoo deserves to be his boyfriend. They started accusing all of Seungcheol’s friends to be someone he cheated on with until it became just anybody who gets near Seungcheol. Painting him as some fuck boy that taints the nation’s angel’s innocence and beauty.
“Why are you quiet?” Seungcheol asks as he thumbs Jeonghan’s cheeks.
“I’m just tired of it all, Cheollie. Have you seen what they were writing about you? You don’t deserve all of that!”
“Jeonghan, what did I tell you? Hmmm…”
“That it doesn’t matter…”
“Yes and I’m not hurt. As long as you don’t believe in those, then I’m fine. It’s not like we can change their mind anyway. They will believe what they want to believe.”
"I wanna quit…"
"No, you don't…" Seungcheol sighed as he played with the strands of Jeonghan’s hair.
"Yes, I do." Jeonghan was already pouting and Seungcheol just wants to kiss all his worries away. Jeonghan tends to overthink everything sometimes that even when he is quiet, Seungcheol could hear the chaos in his mind.
"You have worked so hard for that dream, my love. I can go on a little longer."
"Yes. But sometimes it feels like it’s more than just music now. They don't let me breathe only because I'm in love with you."
Seungcheol took Jeonghan’s hand, threaded his fingers with his. Kissing the back of his hand. "Am I weighing you down, Han?" Uncertainty was written all over Seungcheol's face. If Jeonghan was thinking of quitting when he has worked all his life to be on that pedestal then Seungcheol surely knows that Jeonghan is already having a hard time. Jeonghan doesn’t really complain a lot so when he does....
"No.” Now, Jeonghan regrets telling Seungcheol that he wants to quit. “More than anything you make me fly. You give me air. You give me everything that I am. They don't even know you, Cheol."
“I just feel like I don’t owe them this part of me Cheol and with them painting you as someone you are not… I-I can't have that. It hurts so much."
“You don’t deserve the scar they are giving you Cheol.” Jeonghan stared at Seungcheol before he leaned in to shower his face with kisses. He started kissing him from his forehead to his nose. “You have done so much for me and I don’t even know how to repay you. You have sacrificed half of your life for a dream that was uncertain.” He kissed Seungcheol at the side of his lips to his cheeks. “I know, even if you don’t say it, the words they throw your way affects you but you try to endure it for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as selfless as you. So if quitting is what it takes to finally stop all these, then I’m done Cheol. I won’t even regret a single moment. You are all that matters…”
Seungcheol smiled. He knew that. He knows that but to hear it again and again from Jeonghan everytime issues like this would pop up, feels so reassuring. It is this that keeps him from going. Ever since, it’s only Jeonghan that matters.
"Besides…" Jeonghan fidgeted a little. Somehow he feels nervous to tell Cheol.
"What is it, my love?" Jeonghan held Seungcheol's face as he tried to find the right words.
"I think I'm ready now…" Jeonghan smiled at he saw Seungcheol's face contorted with confusion.
"Ready for what?"
"You know...staying at home all day. Waiting for you to come home. Cooking for you. Taking care of you… and our child?" Jeonghan added the last three words in a whisper. Slowly, realizations dawned on Seungcheol as he fully understood what Jeonghan meant.
"Really?"
"I don't think I can do that if I'm still tied to a contract. You know with concert tours, album preparations. It won't allow me to be here most of the time. I don't want our child to grow up not having the two of us around and I want to process the adoption with you. I want to do it with you."
Jeonghan knew. Seungcheol never brought up the talk about adoption because he wasn’t ready. Seungcheol wanted to have a big family, considering he only has Jeonghan but Jeonghan was so far away. Still trying to achieve things for himself. Seungcheol wanted to be selfish but he just couldn’t. He knew how spontaneous Jeonghan could be, he wanted to be the one constant he had in his life because he knows no matter what, Jeonghan will come back to him.
"Are you sure about that?"
"I have never been sure. I have spent 7-8 years of my life on stage. I'm fine now. Thank you for waiting for me, Cheol."
Seungcheol, with all the happiness he got in his heart leaned forward to kiss Jeonghan.
"Thank you for finally choosing me now, my love."
In a heartbeat, they both will choose each other. Over and over again.