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Dien had carried that sequence of number on his wrist since the day he was born, and so far it had been nineteen years.
At the age of three, after the first day of kindergarten, he came home crying and asked his mother why he was different from the whole class, why none of his friends had a black mark on their wrists like him. His mother smiled and rubbed his head, telling him in a whispered voice, "This is nothing bad, one day I will let you know."
Having heard what his mother said, Dien immediately grinned and then ran out to play with the neighborhood kids.
When he was five, his mother finally told him, "My son, there's a line of code on your wrist, which means you have a soulmate. I hope you will find them, and they will give you all the greatest affections."
In the immature mind of the child, a sense was formed that in addition to parents and grandparents, there is someone who was not his kindred but would love him like as much as a family member.
In elementary school, no one commented on the fact that he had a sequence of numbers on his wrist, teachers simply thought that he was naughty using a pen to write miscellaneously.
Going to middle school and high school, he always wore a watch to cover the numbers on his wrist, after that one time when the school supervisor misunderstood them as an tattoo and punished him to stand under the flagpole for several hours.
.
Twelve years of school had gone, yet Dien still had not found his soulmate. He passed the entrance exam to Law University as expected by his parents. He went to Hanoi to study, his heart fluttered with an expectation, that maybe there was someone in the capital being the soulmate he always desired.
He lived with a distant auntie and helped out at her restaurant whenever he was not in school. After finishing the first year, he felt that university were too oppressive, so he temporarily reserved the course. When auntie heard the news, she scolded him for being too impulsive at his young age, but she did not dissuade him, just advised him that every decision would be important, greatly affecting his life, he must think carefully before making one. And auntie still covered him up, helping him hide this matter from his parents.
Dien actually wanted to take the exam once again, in order to enter the School of Theater and Cinema. He still dreamt of that one day when he became a famous director, being able to create meaningful and great stories.
.
He left his auntie's house, went out to rent a place – a small room at the end of an alley in Thuy Khue, a few hundred meters from the studio he wished to work in. Living alone, he was free to go out and come back whenever he wanted. He wanted to go find his soulmate, he wanted his soulmate to be found. He always kept in his mind a picture of how beautiful it would be when the soulmate entered his life.
Every week, on the rickety Thong Nhat bicycles bought from someone, he pedalled around the streets, exploring the nooks and crannies of this noisy city, secretly hoping to pass by a person with a strange face, but the wrist was glowing because of him.
And Dien has indeed met that person. One cloudy afternoon in July, he knew it was going to rain, but he still took the bike out of his house, pedaled across the streets, straight to the other side of the Red River.
He was about to go up the bridge when it started to rain, the rain poured down on his face, it took a lot of effort for him to see the road. Having come this far, as he couldn’t go back even if he wanted to, he had to stop pedalling, stand on the side and wait for the rain to stop.
The moment God stopped letting water pour down, Dien saw a person, whose back bore such a lonely feeling, standing in the middle of the bridge, silently looking towards the river.
It had just rained, islands in the middle of the river had nothing poetic to admire, the river was still a blur of red alluvium, what was that person looking at? As his heart felt a little worried, Dien immediately ignored his bicycle and slowly approached the stranger. His hair was somewhat long, loose and covered more than half of his face. Two hands gripping the bridge made the blue veins visible, and it seemed like Dien had seen the light on the man's right wrist.
He came to stand next to that person, his left arm draped over their shoulder, slightly used some force to push it down. "Are you okay? What are you thinking about?"
The man turned his face, looking at Dien's fingers clutching his shoulder blade, then looked at his also glowing wrist. The sequence of numbers on it stunned him. 140013.
Then, he looked up at Dien's worried face, smiled sadly, he slowly raised his hand and said, “What I think does not matter."
"It’s just I never thought we would actually meet."
On his wrist, there was the same sequence of numbers.
Every year, Nguu Lang Chuc Nu met each other on O Thuoc bridge. This year’s rainy season, Dien finally met his soulmate on the one named Long Bien.
His soulmate – or now he would call uncle Huan – was the one who asked to go home with him. He happily agreed, he had been looking forward to meeting his soulmate for years, and also had prepared well enough, just to be in one place with the soulmate of his life.
He had nothing to complain about, just a little curious...
On the way to take Huan home, he couldn't help but ask, "You didn’t bring along anything?"
The man remained silent for a long time and then replied, "Right, because I was on the run."
"Debt evasion?"
"Well, running away from family. Running away from responsibilities."
"Yeah..."
Dien still wanted to ask more, but suddenly thought that the time was not right, so he kept silent for the rest of the trip.
"The room is not too spacious, also a little bit messy, I hope you won’t mind." – Dien said while opening the door.
Huan walked in, cautiously looking around. The room was about twenty square meters, there was not much furniture inside. "No, not at all. I'm bothering you."
"Don't be so polite. You have been soaked in the rain, hurry up and take a shower or you will catch a cold."
With that, Dien took a set of clothes from a wooden cabinet and a thermos of warm water and gave them all to Huan.
When Huan stepped out of the bathroom, Dien, who was lying down reading a comic book, suddenly sat up. He found the older’s new look kind of interesting: stripped of his casual shirt and trousers, the man in his forties was then wearing a second-hand T-shirt Dien bought at Dong Tac market, and some soldier green shorts passed down by his father; making him look so cute(?).
Then, Dien laid down once again, innocently tapping the empty space next to his body.
"From now on, this place is your home, if you don't mind."
And the older did not mind at all, lying down beside him, hair still slightly damp and faintly smelling of Lux soap.
Dien folded the comic book and put it back on the headboard, hands clasped behind the nape of his neck, eyes looking up at the roof of the cement tiled roof that had a few cracks.
"Why did you run away?" – Dien whispered.
The man remained silent.
"If you don't feel comfortable, then you don't need to say anything." – Dien's voice was tinged with sorrow.
"Because I'm so disappointed."
"I am the director of a factory as my parents wanted, the work is heavy on my shoulders. I have tried to do well, but they still don't seem to be satisfied."
"They blame me for being too focused on working, forty-one years old yet still unmarried!"
"I'm forty-one. But what is wrong with forty-one?"
"Living for all those years, still I never got what I wanted."
"When I was a kid, I wanted a box of crayons, my parents gave me a sharpening pen to practice writing. In my teenage years, I wanted a sport bike, they stuffed an English dictionary to my hands."
"I love to draw, hoping to enter School of Fine Arts, but in the end was forced to take the exam to Foreign Trade to continue the family business."
"The disappointment in my heart kept piling up more and more. Back in the days, I had the intention to end my life for a couple of times, I tried many ways, but they all failed."
"Then one day in early summer of the year I turned twenty-two years old, a series of numbers appeared on my wrist. I looked it up by myself, and discovered that I have a soulmate somewhere in this world."
"I have suppressed my negative emotions and tried to live on for all these years."
"But this morning when I woke up, it seemed to me that I couldn't take it any longer."
From Huan's choking voice, Dien understood the thoughts the older had been suppressing in. Recalling the painful image of him standing on the bridge alone, his heart sank. He leaned over, looked at Huan's face, noticed that the corners of the other were flushed, and then the tears started to roll down his cheeks.
A feeling similar to the pain suddenly came over Dien, making his throat burn, making it difficult to put into words.
"It would be so sad if I couldn't meet you."
"Yeah... Thank you, for coming to me in time..."
Huan fell asleep, while Dien kept looking up at the roof, listening to the steady breathing of the person lying next to him, silently sobbing.
.
Dien was still helping out at auntie’s wonton restaurant on Hang Chieu street. Early in the morning before leaving the house, seeing that Huan was still asleep, facial expression relieved and relaxed like a child, he did not want to wake the older up, so he left a note for him.
'I bought two loaves of bread and a can of condensed milk, take them as your breakfast. It's not convenient for me to go home at noon, the pantry has rice, instant noodles, eggs, onions, please help yourself.
If you get bored, there are some comic books and old newspapers on the shelf, you can read them to kill time. Have a nice day.'
There was a certain someone, reading Dien's message upon waking up, immediately curled their lips into a smile, and the corners of their eyes were imprinted with the marks of crow's feet.
When his shift ended, Dien eagerly rode his bicycle down to De La Thanh, searching for the address of the art supplies store, he took all the money in his pocket and bought a set of crayons along with an A3 sized notebook. He returned home when it was already dark, and he was greeted by uncle Huan who opened the door with a worried face, but then a bright smile appeared when Dien took out the gift from behind.
"I'm not good with household issues, I can't help you, yet I make you waste money like this..."
He hesitated, his face slightly lowered. Dien approached, his hands gently placed on the shoulders of the person in front of him.
"I really don't mind, as long as you're comfortable at home. So if you need anything, just let me know, don't hesitate, okay?"
Huan saw the sincerity in the other's eyes and slowly nodded. "Thank you. Thank you for treating me so well."
He cherished the items Dien gave and placed them neatly in the corner of the table. Then, he hesitated for a moment as if thinking, then asked, "I want to make a phone call, do you have a way?"
"This whole neighborhood is not wired, let me take you to Mrs. Thao's house." – Dien replied.
Huan walked into the grocery store at the beginning of the alley, while Dien stood outside, fidgeting with a few shampoo strings dangling in front of the door, craning his neck, trying to listen to find out whom Huan was calling.
[Quang?]
[Doesn't matter where I am.]
[I trust you for all things at factory.]
[Don't tell anyone that I called.]
[Yeah, stay healthy.]
[Bye.]
Huan returned with a sorrowful look, his brows furrowed. Dien didn't know what to say, so he let the older go back first, he himself stopped to buy a few things, and then hurriedly chased after.
"Hey, do you know how to play chess?" – He asked indifferently when caught up with the older.
"A little bit."
"Then in the coming days, I hope you will teach me, Master."
Dien held out a bag containing two ounces of black tea and a chess set and shook it, causing Huan to laugh.
.
Dien did not have a clear understanding on the difference between the two concepts of soulmates and lovers.
But during the past week since Huan appeared, there was always a feeling of indescribable lightheadedness in his heart.
Every day, he had the chance to return to his small room at the end of the alley, to the home where Huan was waiting, to have with Huan the meals cooked by his own clumsy hands, to sip tea together, thinking about the right chess move to go.
To tell Huan about his unreal dream, to be agreed and understood by the older.
To be together.
Be together.
These simple words made Dien feel extremely happy.
.
Another rainy day, he sat on the porch with a stool, lit a cigarette, and then focused on reading the outline for his aptitude test. The smell of smoke was brought into the house by the wind, making Huan's facial expression stiffen.
"Are you smoking at such young age?"
"Ah, yeah…"
Dien cautiously replied, then quickly threw the cigarette being held in his lips to the ground and use the heel of his sandal to put it out.
He actually could not remember since when he had the habit of smoking. Perhaps he learnt from some dudes at the restaurant. Knowing that the white smoke filled with nicotine was toxic, he still couldn't stop.
"Sorry, uncle."
He stepped inside, sat down on the bed, next to Huan, rubbing his head on the older’s shoulder.
"You are apologising to me for what, you should be sorry for yourself.”
"C’monnn, I’m sorry!" Dien said in a whiny voice while pushing Huan onto the bed.
"Can I... can I touch you?" Dien slightly hesitated, a look of longing filled his eyes, his breath was warm and he was very close to Huan.
The older nodded slightly.
He slowly brought his fingertips to lightly touch the mole on Huan's cheekbone, glided across the bridge of his nose, and moved down to his jawline. Every touch was gentle, full of tenderness.
"You're so beautiful." Dien said, his eyes went to the slightly pursed lips. He leaned closer, bringing his lips to Huan’s, only a few centimeters away. Huan closed his eyelids, expecting a kiss from the other, but in the end, nothing happened.
"You know, when I was a kid, people said I was weird and ugly, I still remember it vividly to this day."
Dien sighed, he lowered himself down and turned his face to the wall, his back to Huan. That action made the older’s heart suddenly choke, he reached out his hand to touch Dien’s shoulders, he wanted to whisper into his ears that it was all wrong. That he found him, everything about him, so beautiful. That he had been attracted to the mole at the corner of his lips from their first meeting. But then again, he hesitated, and the arm that was only halfway was quickly retracted.
.
July passed, the pouring rains also stopped coming too frequently. Huan no longer wanted to hide in the house, he wanted to go to the Old Quarter’s streets with Dien.
The two strolled through Hang Dao filled with luxurious fabric and silk, walked by Hang Bac that had all the shining jewels. Dien suddenly looked down at his hand, at the older’s hand, then slowly closed his eyes, imagining a day when they both wore a pair of silver bands on their ring fingers.
When Huan sat by the fountain in front of Shark Jaws, passionately drawing the scene of Sword Lake in the sunlight, a curious Western tourist approached, admired, praised, and expressed his desire to buy the painting. Huan was very surprised, and Dien was proud of him, proud on behalf of him, because his talent was then recognized.
Handing his painting to Mr. Westerner, receiving a green banknote, Huan led Dien to Bodega. He bought a cone and a cake for the younger, introducing the flavor associated with his childhood, watching Dien joyfully eat them made him happy as well.
Dien wondered if it was okay to say cheesy things to someone who had not been around him for too long. But when the two returned to the fountain, Huan continued to engrossed in sketching, Dien placed his large hand on the hand holding the drawing board of the person sitting opposite, whispering,
"In the far future when we're both old, I hope you'll still be with me."
He himself had drawn a cozy future, a peaceful prospect, with Huan in his sixties, and he in his forties, being together, every single day.
The older smiled and nodded in agreement with his words.
.
One day, while happily having lunch with Huan in auntie’s restaurant, Dien suddenly looked up, gazing at the door, and noticed a woman in her fifties who was about to push the door in and was staring at him.
She glared at him, entered the restaurant, rushed into the kitchen, whispered a few questions to his auntie, and then immediately left, causing him to drop his chopsticks in shock, a feeling of anxiety arose in his heart.
[Sister, I found my nephew Huan.]
For the next few days, there was a woman who always stopped by the restaurant at midday, ordered a bowl of noodles, not touching her chopsticks even when the strips becamed soaked. She then left after an hour, without forgetting to turn her face towards the counter to see Dien, curling her lips into a mocking pout and glaring at him.
How strange she is. Come to think of it, her face was eighty, ninety percent the same as the woman from the day before, and a little similar to someone he couldn't name yet.
Today, Huan said he would visit the restaurant again. And of course the woman still showed up. Dien thought to himself, if she had not left by the time Huan arrived, he would run out and told his uncle that someone was bullying him.
The moment Huan stepped into the restaurant, the woman happily shouted, making Dien startled a little. "Huan, you're finally here."
Then, she turned to Dien again and waved her hand as if to chase him away. Realizing the messed up situation, all he could do was to bow his head low and retreat to the kitchen.
"Where have you been for the past month?"
"Why are you so pale and thin?"
"You couldn’t eat properly, right?"
Mrs. Khanh rushed to ask questions, and Huan sat on the opposite side just hanging his head in silence, not answering half a word.
"Go home, son."
Mrs. Khanh grabbed her son's wrist, intending to drag him along, but he resolutely rejected.
"Grandpa is very weak. He wants to see his grandson’s face one last time, he wanted to see his granddaughter-in-law being brought home and introduced to him."
"Me and your father, we don't expect you to be an unfilial grandchild."
"Do you remember Ngan, the granddaughter of Mr. Thin in the Veterans Association?"
"She has just returned from France, with a doctorate degree in economics, she is now in her thirties."
"Recently, when your grandfather was seriously ill, she always came to visit and take care of him.
"During his sober moments, he kept praising her, on how gentle and lovely she was."
"The two old men also had a promise in the past, if their grandchildren are a boy and a girl that match each other, they should get married."
"When she was a child coming to our house to play, she showed that she liked you very much, now that she is an adult, she is still unmarried, obviously still waiting for you."
"Think about it, if she's married to our family, you won't have to worry about things at the factory anymore."
"We won't force you anything for more, all your stuffs in the past, about painting and colours and brushes, once you have settled down, you can do whatever you want."
"Okay?"
"Is that okay, son?"
"If you're in debt to anyone, just say it and we'll pay it off on your behalf."
"Ten ounces of gold? Twenty?”
Huan raised his hand to cover his ears. He did not want to hear it anymore. He just wanted to run away and hide from this situation.
And there was one thing he wanted to say, but all sounds seemed to have fallen into the silent death, unable to be spoken.
‘I owe a favor to that certain someone, may take a lifetime to pay it off.'
Dien stood in the kitchen, hiding behind the wall, listening to every word, enduring how painful everything was. He felft dizzy, as if he was punched and kicked like a sandbag, and his heart ached like it was being stabbed by thousands of needles.
.
Huan once told Dien that his youngest brother was born on a fateful day, when rain of bombs and storm of bullets were poured down on Bach Mai hospital.
The entire hospital was flattened, he was in the evacuation basement listening to the news on the radio, crying desperately until fainting.
The twelve dreadful days and nights of fire had passed, when he and his father returned from the shelter basement to the old house on Lo Duc street, seeing his mother sitting huddled up in the yard, holding his brother, all of his emotions seemed to have exploded.
Going through hardships, his beloved ones still being by his side, is something that makes him feel extremely grateful.
That night, it suddenly rained. Huan laid next to Dien, resting his head on one of his arms. The younger stared up at the roof, at the streaks of rain seeping through the cracks in the roof tiles. Soon, the rain became heavier, and a few droplets of water appeared.
"You have a hard time living here, aren't you?" ' he asked with hoarse voice.
"No, not at all." The older panicked, burying his face in Dien’s chest. "Why would Dien say that? Being with Dien makes me so happy."
Dien kept mum, he closed his eyes, letting the tears flow down the corners of his eyes.
"Soulmates should be together, but it’s not definitely or necessarily."
"You've lived half of your life not being able to comfortably do what you like, now that you have an opportunity in your hand, what am I to snatch it away from you?"
Choking out word by word, he no longer recognized his own voice.
“Go home, uncle.”
Huan stayed awake all night long, waves of thoughts piled up in his mind.
Dien being outside on the porch had burned the whole pack of cigarettes, his heart was tangled and he didn't know how to resolve.
Dawn came, Dien returned inside, decisively grabbed Huan's left wrist, pulling him out of the place where he had been hiding for a month. When he heard the older utter a "Pain!", he quickly let go of his hand, and the two continued to walk, shoulder to shoulder, quietly dragging their feet, each step was just too heavy.
Huan turned to look at the boy. He didn't say a word the whole way. They had gone almost to Ham Long, almost to his house. His eyes were red, and he took a deep breath and told the younger,
"Once I set foot in the aisle, I will belong to another person, my life is forever attached to them."
"Say something. Just one word, I'll leave everything to be with you."
Dien pursed his lips then smiled like nothing happened.
"I'm just a brat, I can't do anything to help you. So I can only walk with you till here."
The fate between them is like two thin strands of silk, accidentally cut on each other but couldn’t be severed, forever stucked with twists and turns, becoming into a tangle that no one knows how to remove. But right at this very moment, Dien had made a decision that he would be the one to put an end to everything.
Dien took a step forward, Huan felt that his wrist was aching as if it had been burnt. One more step, he felt a stabbing pain that pierced his heart. Another step, he felt an itch like a wound was growing new skin, then soothed as if the scab had peeled off. He looked down, the position used to be the code line showing that him and Dien was each other's soulmate, now only had a long scar with slight pink color.
He frantically stepped forward, regardless of how many people were around, he hugged Dien tightly with both arms. He often heard that the code would be lost when the soulmate was gone. But Dien – who shared the same code as him, the soulmate of him – was still there, in his arms, he could clearly hear his heart beating arrhythmically.
Perhaps, there was no need for a soulmate to be dead, as long as the will to cut it off is firm enough, the connection between the two people would be severed.
At this point, if you ask Dien what he wanted to do the most, the answer would probably be to turn around, responding to the hug from the older, or even placing a kiss on his forehead.
But all he could do, he had enough strength to do, was put his arms together, in front of his thighs. As if to hide the fact that his code had also disappeared, there were cuts on his wrists, with drops of scarlet blood continuously oozing.
Dien bit his lip, tears rolling down his cheeks, but he still tried to speak with a firm voice. "Hurry up, go home, don't let your family wait another minute."
.
Returning to the house he had moved in for so many years, Huan suddenly felt indescribably oppressive, and his mood was always heavy. He tried to avoid everyone in the house, locking himself in his own room.
In the midst of a flickering sleep that was hard to come, Huan met a dream. He saw a child, with facial expression seemed to be Dien in his childhood, surrounded by other children. They made fun of him because he had a strange appearance, constantly saying that he was so ugly that no one would love him, one of them maliciously raised their hand to scratch his cheek. The child cried, then ran away, hiding in a corner of the wall. It stood there shivering, looking down at his wrist every now and then, trying to hold it back for a long time, but then still bursting into tears.
In the same dream, he saw that he was still young and pure, in his twenties, rushed to hug that child, patting his head, comforting him, saying,
"Dien, Dien, it’s uncle, uncle is here, Dien don’t be afraid. Dien is the most handsome, Dien is the most wonderful thing that has happened in this life."
The child cried even louder after hearing his words, as if to vent all the hurt feelings in his heart.
"Dien, I'm sorry."
He startled, waking up, realizing that his own tears were still continuously falling, damping his pillowcase. Seeing the image belonged to the person he loved, he felt his heart constricted, painful as if it was being scratched, then could this be considered a nightmare?
.
Late in the evening of two days later, Huan finally gave up everything and accepted the reality, reluctantly going to Hang Co station to return to hometown to meet his grandfather. He walked like someone who had lost their soul, and then his mind was once again messed up, when he saw a familiar figure.
Dien, his beloved Dien, was standing in front of the only ticket booth that was still open. Dien looked at him with a foolish smile, a confused hand raised to scratch his head and ear, making Huan realize that his left wrist was bandaged.
Huan unconsciously looked down at his own scar. His eyes stung, he wanted to smile with the younger too, but could only purse his lips firmly to stop himself from crying.
“You…”
"I once promised to buy you Bao Phuong cake..."
"But how did you know… that I was going to take the train today?"
"I don't. Finding out the time of train to Phu Ly, I've been waiting here for three days..." Dien lowered his head and mumbled. "Sorry uncle, I’m too coward, right?"
Huan wanted to deny that silly statement, but didn't know how to say it properly.
"Having to eat mung bean mooncake for two days in a row is quite enough, here, take it."
He shoved the cake into Huan’s hands and turned to leave.
It was almost time for the train to depart, the announcement was made on the loudspeaker. Huan still stood frozen in place, watching Dien's lonely back, following his every step. He was afraid that, as soon as he turned away, the younger would disappear, would be swallowed up by the city of nearly three million people, he would never be able to find.
Even though his throat was choking, he still tried to shout. "Dien, please learn to quit smoking and live a good life, you hear me?"
Dien still kept his head low as if he was trying to hide, he never looked back, he wanted to answer but could only mumble in a low voice.
"I can leave the one I have feelings for, some cigarettes won’t matter…”
.
Sitting on the train, Huan rested his head on window frame, bursting into tears. His eyes gazed at the dark night sky. The next day would be August 15th, no wonder the moon was so round. Ironically, the day for gathering had come, but Huan could not be with the person he cherished the most. The moon high above was still perfectly spherical, but his life would never ever be complete.
In a few months, the world would enter the new millennium, everyone was happy, their faces were bright with smiles. Huan's life was also about to turn another page, but in his heart there was no bit of joy.