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“Who was your first love and why did you fall in love with them?”
Dream was taken aback, obviously caught off guard by the sudden question.
It's been 7 years.
7 years since his face reveal happened, 5 years since the last manhunt video. 3 years since he hit 50 million and 2 years since he took a break from his YouTube career and yet here he is answering a question on a tv show.
He wheezed, hiding the slight tinge of pain in his chest as he shift awkwardly on his seat. His eyes were almost begging the lady to change the question but the host couldn't take the hint.
“Oh, that's... that's actually interesting.” He trailed off and despite that, people cheered, screaming bunch of different names of the girls he had dated for the last 7 years. And yet in the backest row, he can hear the faint screams of the name of the person he truly loved.
“It's George!”
“Just say George, Dream!”
“It's not George, you guys should shut up. He's straight!”
Dream looked down, eyeing the pair of leather shoes he's wearing. He unbotton some of the button of his longsleeves before fanning his self in pure nervousness.
“Uhm, I, this is gonna be the first time I'm admitting this to be honest.” He chuckled awkwardly.
The lady smiled, eyeing him gently. “We're honored. So I guess they didn't know they're your first love am I right?”
Dream nodded. “Y-Yes.” He laughed. “It's a funny thing actually cause, uhm, we're friends. The same friend group, we play together—”
The scream gotten louder. “GEORGE!”
“And...” He scoffed preparing for the whole crowd to burst into clamors. “... and the whole fandom shipped us so hard before.”
The crowd went berserk. Gasped and screams echoed the entire show and Dream looked down with a slight smile on his face. If he's gonna be totally honest, this is the first time he had admitted it to himself either.
For years of being friends, for years of being in love with him, this is his first time admitting it. Cause despite the amount of people he had dated within the span of 7 years, the one who popped into his mind was George and George only.
George's smile the moment he arrived in Florida. George's hugs when he met him, his hug when they achieved milestones together, or his hug at the most random time just 'because'. George's small voice whenever they are with each other, sleepy talks, good morning smiles and playful backhugs.
All of his memory isn't filled with those females he had slept with for years— all of them was filled with George.
Only him.
“Can you, can you name them Dream?” The host smiled politely, obviously forced to milk him that question. Dream get it, it's all for the show and she's just paid to do her job.
Dream heaved a sigh, a heavy feeling blocked his throat making his exhale a little shaky. His heart feels like sinking as he eyes the bustling crowds.
“G..” He scoffed. “George Henry Davidson.”
The lump on his throat tightened, his eyes threatened to swell up as he clenched his hands to stop his slow and heavily painful heart rate. He hid it with a smile, like he always do and chuckle, looking at his pair of leather shoes once more.
“Wow, this would definitely break the internet. Everybody on this studio agree.”
The cheers was loud, the screams were loud and yet Dream's heartbeat is all he can hear. He can hear it a little too loudly.
And it's still... beating for him.
“I love you... Dream.”
He froze, eyes instantly darting to the screen behind him and there it is, George's face with a slight smile on his face. The same familiar green blocks, diamond swords and blue sky displayed on the screen as George mini screen in the corner mumbled the words he always love to hear.
“There, I said it.” George chuckled.
And Dream couldn't stop one tear from falling. The sound of his soft giggles, he misses it. His heart aches for him. It still aches for him. He subtly wipe his tear as he fake a wheeze.
“Y-Yes, uh, yes that's him.” He eyed the crowd. “Uhm many people know him as Georgenotfound along with our other bestfriend Sapnap. And yeah, we've been friends for 13 years, I think.”
The host gasped and some of his new fans gasped, the older ones were already bawling their eyes out, cursing Dream for only admitting it now even though it was painfully obvious years ago. And even though some of them already moved on, the nostalgia they felt is enough to feel the same familiar ache they felt the momemt Dream had a girlfriend, or the moment George dated someone.
This is such a bad timing. And everybody knows it.
“That's more than a decade!”
Dream smiled. “Yeah.”
“Are you guys still in contact with each other? Or it kinda err grow apart?”
Dream ler out another chuckle, massaging his chin as he lean on his seat. “We are. We are actually. Sapnap and I just visited uh london three months ago to visit our friends.”
The host giggled. “That's so cute!”
“Yeah, yeah it is.”
“So, the real elephant in the room is, why did you fall in love with him?”
Dream held his breath, mind mindlessly spitting reasons on his head, a lot of reason actually. But none of them answered the question.
Cause Dream love his smiles, his laughs, the way he would complain at something stupid, the way he would purposely start an argument, the way he would randomly just burst into his room unannounced, the way he would cook food for them just for it to turn out raw or overcooked. Or the way he enjoys the beach so much he got sunburn and a bad tan line on his legs.
The way George would blush under the sun, the way his eyes would hold so much vibrant color as he smile, which is hella ironic since he's colorblind. The way his skin would send burning flames whenever they touch his, and he would willingly let his self burn.
He loves everything about George. But that's not the reason why he fell in love with George.
It was kinda weird and unique, the main reason why he knows, the feeling he felt for George is different from the rest.
It just kinda happen you know. He feels calm around George. Even before the meet up, he would always feel cozy with George as if he's his second home. He would always feel warm and special whenever he is with George. George is his... safe space. The hot chocolate on a rainy day, the sweater on a winter, the cool lemonade on a sunny day.
He fell in love just... because.
“I just kinda... did.” He shrugged. “And I'm someone who always finds explanation to everything. Like literally everything. You can put a jar in a table just because you feel like it but I, I will find a reason why you put it there. Like maybe you put it there because the drawer is full, or because you forgot to put it back. I would always find an explanation, even with the most absurd theories I can come up with just to not leave it blank but for George... I kinda just did.”
“What do you mean?”
Everybody was silent, intently listening to him. He shifted awkwardly again. It didn't help the way their videos are played on the screen behind them. His and George's laughter echoing. His voice begging George to say he loves him back ringing on his ears and the way they talk about marrying each other nonstop. He snickered, the irony.
“I don't think there's a specific reason why I did. And I don't wanna cling into that reason just to know I fell in love with him. Cause what if the reason I fell in love with him is because of his smile? Does that mean I will fall out of love with him if he frown and stop smiling? No, right? So I think, I just let it happen. I felt it. And I trust my gutts more than my brain and heart, which has really no point at all cause all of them, all screams his name.”
The audience went wild again, the security trying their best to tame the audience but non of them stop, even the host cooed at his explanation. Dream only gave them a small smile in return. His little heart fluttering again, and again, just thinking about him.
“That is so romantic!”
Dream chuckled. “Well, I guess.”
“So why didn't you tell him? Why didn't you guys give it a chance?”
He tried.
Dream tried telling him.
A bunch of time. He tried telling him how much he really means to him but George would always laugh at it calling him an idiot and Dream was a coward, to push further. He wants it to be mutual so no side would get hurt but every time he tried crossing the line, George would purposely shove him back to the other side.
Unrequited. It's stupid. It's painful. And it happened to him.
The amount of time he cried to his sleep, yearning to hug and kiss George who's only wall apart. The amount of time he almost let his self slip and kiss the brunet is countless. And George would only shrug it off.
“He, uhm, he doesn't see me that way, sadly.”
“Oh, so you told him?”
“A bunch of times! But he would just, laugh and call me an idiot. He's the real idiot obviously.” He played it as a joke once more and the crowd was torn between laughing and sympathizing him. Dream ignored it, nor the loud thumping of his heart. The warm pool of tears behind his smiling green eyes and his trembling hands tapping nonstop on the chair.
“That's sad.”
Dream scoffed. Deadass.
“So can you tell that he's the reason why all your past relationships failed and only lasted for months?”
Yes, yes he is.
“No. Uhm, I wouldn't blame it on him. I moved on, he moved on. ” Liar. “And I just, I was just not ready to commit yet. I haven't found the person where, you know, where I can find peace with. Yeah.”
The crowd applauded. “Well, now since you broadcasted your confession to the whole America, or world rather, do you think George would believe you now?”
Dream stared at the lady for a long time, hands still tapping on the arm rest, chest sinking deeper and deeper, the same exact knife he felt when he went to england stabbed him over and over again. The lump on his throat worsen and his eyes stung real bad this time.
“I, I wouldn't think that if I were you.” He chuckled, blinking rapidly to stop the tears. His red nose and red eyes giving it away.
The host was confused, pain crossed her face mimicking his. Only Dream was worst. “Why?”
“Uh, he's uhm...” He looked down, to the crowd, to the camera, to the host and to the screen behind them. “He's uhm, he's engaged.”
The whole studio went silent.
It was only his heart breating loudly down his throat, pain suffocating him and tears dangerously close to falling. His stomach churning in distaste to the words that left his mouth.
“Excuse me, he's what?”
Dream smiled. “He's engaged. With uhm, Kate. She's a very lovely lady. George met her three years ago. The reason why we actually went to UK months ago is for his proposal. So, uhm, yeah.”
Everyone gasped, everyone pitied him and Dream hid it all with a smile.
“I love you... Dream.” The same clip replayed in the background and he was so close to losing it.
The way George kneeled on his one knee for her. The way he uttered those exact same words to her, but with her name. The wound that he thought had healed burst open once more. The way he crumbled that night, watching the man that he love kiss the girl he'd spend his forever with.
God, how Dream wished it was him, kneeling and proposing to George instead. How he wished it was him kissing and spending his eternity with him.
And it's like the whole universe is against him because as he look up to prevent his tears from falling, he saw nothing but a starless nightsky. And still, he wished in the dark as he watch the stars twinkle on George eyes that night, that in another life, he wished they'd meet again. And this time he wouldn't spent his years just pining, letting him go in the end. Cause he can't fight the oozing regrets poking in his chest.
And George smiled at him, his wine glass raised as he nod, and Dream did his best to toast back. His fingers trembling, on the brink of breaking down and yet he stopped his self.
This isn't his story anymore. It's not his chapter anymore, George is past that. George... is never gonna be his anymore.
“Oh, oh...” The lady scoffed. “That's great then! When's the wedding? How about you? Plans on getting married?”
Dream shrugged. “I had once, but he's already engaged so... no I'm just kidding, I'm happy for them, like actually happy for them.” He laughed, the crowd did not. Cause he wasn't. He wasn't kidding.
He really wished they pursued the wedding fraud before, maybe things turned out differently.
“Uhm not to be controversial or anything but, Dream, can I ask you something?”
“I mean, I thought that's your job?” He chuckled. “Yeah sure, sure. Go ahead.”
“Do you still love George?”
He was silent. A small smile stretched in his face. Eyes set to the ground before averting it back to the camera. Cause he know, George is watching him. He can picture the dumbfounded frown of his british friend from across the sea. The widening eyes of his fiancé, Sapnap's head shaking at him with a sad smile.
He knows cause George texted him before the show even began that he'll be in tune for the show.
And he hoped, he's really watching him.
“I will always love George.” He exhaled shakily, eyeing the camera as if it was George listening to him, as if it was George looking at him with a frown. Brown eyes displaying disbelief at his confession.
“First love never die afterall. He's kinda like the very first person I genuinely fell in love with and the only guy I fell in love with. He's also my first heartbreak so it's really hard not to love him.”
Dream smiled, hoping it reached his eyes. “Cause you know, there will always be a small corner in my heart that is his. And I don't mean for now, or until I found someone new, I meant forever. That even though I fall in love a thousand times with a thousand people or never and with no one at all, there will always be a small quiet place in my heart that is solely for him. Just for him, for George.”
And he let his words slip mindlessly from his lips. Single teardrop went unnoticed, but he know for sure that George saw that and so he smile once more, wiping the tear he shed, looking down.
“That's all, I think.”
No, there's a lot more things he wanted to say and a lot more things he didn't want to.
“Oh wait I forgot to say it...” He chuckled looking back to the camera.
There's just one thing he wanna say before it all falls down. Just one last time...
“Georgie, I know you're watching so...”
And Dream hope it would reach him.
“I love you, George.”
And he closed his eyes, laughing.
Did it reach him?
George... did it reach you?