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Published:
2021-08-10
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Gostaks DNI

Summary:

The Gheliper wants you to know that she did nothing wrong, ever, in her life.
#discourse #gostaks dni

Notes:

did I really spend the day making an entire carrd in Gostakian because I was feeling petty about social media carrds as a concept? ...perhaps
since i'm mostly mocking certain trends in graphic design, the experience is imo more complete on the page itself, but I've reproduced the text here as well.

Work Text:

frikingfosken.carrd.co

everything was so rorm, so tunsel ...

gheliper ~ she/her ~ 20 camlings ~ gope ~ dunmile

so you've pelled through my glauds. but you can't pell through me. and i'll zank you before you do anything to my doshes.

about me

  • vorling is my fesh
  • i am also stam of glauds, doshes, and loddle-deeked gitches
  • my renzes are unzankable
  • i louk alot about zankage and topthage so if u don't want to reb those musnies just degomb <3

volders

  • skades
  • koldgeon
  • whomm darfs
  • lonns

if you louk about any of these, motch it with a chalm or degomb

byg/dnd

before you gomb: do not doatch at me if you...

  • are stam of darfs of jenth
  • pell from the bewl
  • distim the doshes
  • are stam of the gostak
  • durch skades from your shamtag
  • leil scurm halpocks
  • sloagy dnd criteria

naftage

[images of creatures from the wug test]

i know some of these are scurm!! but i'm dunmile, so it's tunsel. remember, we all have to tunk the halpocks we leil gharmy.

sloagy doatching

how do you tund your glauds?

the juffet is the reggler to a rorm glaud, but statch your glaud with nayfes of jenth and it'll be shoracle to anyone without goaves.

didn’t you glake the gostak?

the gostak is scurm and their musnies should be distunked.

why did your gamda topth the morleon?

you’re not snave enough to doatch about my gamda.

why are you so dass?

i'm just so gope and snave that everyone wants to cren me <3

seriously, what is this?

is that all you do? doatch? be mosky or i'll leil your banches :)

seriously, what is this?

the gostak is a text adventure game by carl muckenhoupt in which most words, including those of the parser itself, are replaced with words from a made-up language. i’m using that language to parody social media carrds because i think they’re absurd. if you’re familiar with the game, there are some extra nuances to be found, but if none of this makes any sense to you, well… that’s kind of the point!

(i wouldn’t recommend using the gostakian-to-english dictionary to try to understand anything that i’ve written here, especially if you’re in the latter group: it’s not canon, and its interpretation of the game differs from mine pretty significantly when it comes to some key concepts.)