Archive of Our Own

Changbin was known for various things.

Some know him as Changbin from Yongin High School, Changbin from the swimming team, Changbin who always brings scrumptious bread in family gatherings, Changbin from choir, Nayoung’s second child, Hyunjin’s most trusted friend.

Right now, he is Changbin from D-3 Entertainment.

The said man waltzed into the D-3 building with a cup of coffee in his hand, swiping his identification card through the security turnstile so he could pass through with ease. The lobby of the building was illuminated by the large wall windows, the sunlight seeping through the glass as Changbin bowed down to greet the several receptionists briefly.

The building was muscle memory at this point. Before Changbin could consciously know it, he was already tapping the buttons of the elevator, the buttons shining a bright red after being pressed. Changbin let the utility lift him up towards the floor of the recording booths, patiently waiting as he pulled his mask down to take a sip from his warm coffee.

His footsteps echoed in the otherwise silent corridor, his feet bringing him towards the familiar recording room. He knocked at the thick door and waited for someone’s prompt for him to enter. As if on cue, one of the producer’s opened the door, giving him a warm smile as he held the door open for the idol to go into.

“Good morning, Jeongin.”

“Good morning as well, are you prepared to record now?”

“I’ll have to warm up my voice first. I’ll be ready in a few.”

“Alright, whatever fits with you. No cups inside the recording booth, by the way. Only bottled water is allowed.”

“Noted,” Changbin gave the young producer a small smile as he downed the rest of his caffeinated drink and threw the cup at the small bin near the door.

Changbin grabbed a bottle of water from his large shoulder bag and entered the all-too-familiar recording booth, the pale purple walls almost seemed comforting to him. He stood in front of the music stand, skimming over the sheet filled with lyrics as he took a huge gulp of water. He started vocalizing, playing from low to high registers, controlling his breathing. His index and middle unconsciously rests in the spot below his chest and above his stomach, feeling the small patch of skin expand and contract as he sang.

He started practicing over the lines of the song he wrote, going over the lines over and over again to make sure it’s perfect, the producers and his vocal coach occasionally giving him some commentary and tips from outside the recording booth to make him perform the song better.

“Ready? Track number 4, chorus, start.”

Being an idol was not easy.

Of course it wasn’t. Changbin knew that.

He wasn’t too naive and immature, he knew what he got himself into when he gave his contact information to a scout a few years back, he knew what all the poor trainees with broken childhoods went through. But he wanted it. He told himself he can handle it.

He did, fortunately. But it cost him a lot. Not in a financial sense—he lost a lot of valuable things that he didn’t even notice. He was slipping away from his family, he was straying away from his small usual hobbies like baking and swimming, he was decamping from the usual things he had.

He had an ambition since he was young: to be known and leave an impact. He wanted to influence people, he wanted to show how powerful he can be. So he did not even think twice before writing his number down on a wrinkled receipt on his laptop to give it to a scout that he didn’t even know if they were legit or not.

What he didn’t expect, though, is to actually receive a call from D-3 Entertainment themselves the following week, asking him with open arms to join the rabbit hole of the music industry. He agreed.

That’s how he ended up where he is right now, 4 years into his career as one of the biggest soloists in the country, preparing for his 12th mini album. His body was filled with sweat and reeking of exhaustion as he and the dance crew went through the choreography for the nth time this day, the squeaking of the shoes hitting the wooden floor that he used to love all fell into an irritating environment to Changbin. He got up, moved his body to the rhythm of synths and his own voice, being completely synchronized with all of the other people he was dancing with.

This was his dream.

“Oh god, was it that terrible that you started crying?”

“No, dumbass,” Seungmin croaked out as he slightly punched his boyfriend in the arm. “It was good. More than good, even.”

“Why are you crying, then?” Changbin asked as he used his knuckles to wipe off the tears pouring from Seungmin’s eyes, his own eyes filled with concern.

“Is it not obvious?” the younger asked as he scooted over to his boyfriend’s space, removing the guitar from the elder’s lap and wrapped his limbs on his torso afterwards. “I like it. I love it, actually. I love you.”

“Don’t go soft on me,” Changbin replied, wrapping his own arms around the taller man, rubbing his cheek on the crown of his head, cradling the man softly.

It was Seungmin’s birthday. It was a school day, and they were busy juggling school requirements and organization work the whole day. It was exhausting, just like any other day, and the tasks always seemed more against his will during his special day. He just wanted to save them for another day, but that will only pile up his works, and Seungmin will eventually end up stressing about those during his day.

The day was pretty normal, per se, minus the occasional pings from the notifications from Seungmin’s hand-me-down phone, alerting him that multiple people had sent him greetings. Some of his friends brought him small gifts too, like written letters and snacks, which Seungmin was greatly thankful for.

Seungmin promised his small circle of friends dinner that day, since they were not allowed to go outside their campus to have lunch out. And the taunting 45 minute lunch break they have is definitely not enough for them to enjoy their meal, so here they were, four people close to Seungmin’s heart, in the boy’s house.

Hyunjin and Felix were downstairs, fighting over the remote control of the television, switching over the channels. Seungmin and Changbin excused themselves for a while, with Changbin telling the duo that he needed to give Seungmin his gift for today.

Hyunjin gave a weird look at the duo, retorting as to why Changbin would give a gift to Seungmin from his own house, but they didn’t really know what Changbin had in store. Seungmin only realized that Changbin was not giving him a physical gift when they got to his room and the elder grabbed the dusty encased guitar from under Seungmin’s bed, placing the instrument on his lap.

Seungmin always knew Changbin loved music. He knows how to play multiple instruments, guitars included, and even begged his mom to take him to summer classes for him to learn more. He often had a song stuck in his head, and Seungmin knew that since he often unknowingly hums to the melody of the same song every week. He had multiple songs illegally downloaded on his android that Seungmin would sometimes tell him to delete some songs to free up some of his storage that was making his phone run slower, but Changbin insists that those songs had memories with him. Music and Changbin were one thing.

So there he was, Changbin sitting on Seungmin’s dusty rag within the comfort of his own room, giving the younger a sweet smile on his plump lips as he started to strum and unfamiliar melody. His voice soon blended in with the instrumental, mixing together like tea and honey, very soothing and sweet. Seungmin was sitting on his own bed, his arms supporting his weight from behind ashe indulged himself in his boyfriend’s song, a smile blooming from his own face like flowers in the spring.

Seungmin found himself staring at Changbin’s hands that were strumming his guitar, his soft fingers dancing around the strings. Everything about the boy was endearing, Changbin reminded Seungmin of his favorite childhood blanket, he felt warm and secure whenever he’s around. Loving Changbin was easy, especially after knowing him for years.

Soon enough, the song came to an end, with Seungmin shedding a few tears from being overwhelmed by the love he was receiving, seeking comfort from the boy’s arms. Everything was just right, everything was everything Seungmin wanted it to be.

Changbin was everything Seungmin wanted someone to be.

People know Changbin now.

He was popular, he was one of the leading soloists in their country now, his songs being played in establishments and small get-togethers. Everyone knew him, no matter what age they were in, Changbin had ballad and pop songs that catered to most of the public’s taste. No wonder people adore him so much.

Right now, Changbin was inside a studio at Gimpo, changing his pose every second as the lights of the camera flashed on his body, capturing him. It was already the second round of the shoot, Changbin assumed it was for the second version of the photobook of his album, and there was one more set waiting for him.

The camera continuously clicked, the small distance between the lens and his face making Changbin slightly uncomfortable. He moved his hands from time to time, tilting his face in different angles and making several facial expressions.

Shoots were the least favorable part of preparing for comebacks, at least to Changbin, since maintaining a “model face” for a whole day was tiring. The makeup always took longer than usual in photoshoots too, and the lighting in the studio sometimes hurt his eyes. Shoots were an overall 0/10 for him.

It was only a matter of weeks before the company drops his very first teaser, albeit already releasing an article about confirming his comeback next month. His fans were already anticipating his new album, and some were even messaging him through Bubble about their excitement. Reading their messages before sleeping at an ungodly hour always puts a smile on his face, satisfied that a lot of people adore him and his music.

His schedule was really packed until the next month, interviews and shows were bombarding his schedule left and right. He was scheduled to shoot his music video starting the next day, and it will probably take him three days tops to shoot the video. Constant changing of outfits and repeating the same scenes over and over again were draining, but it was always mesmerizing to look at the final product after.

Changbin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding until he heard the director wrap up the second shoot. It was already lunch time—they’ll have a short break and return to the set in a few minutes to do the final set. Unfortunately for Changbin, he’s not really allowed to eat until the photoshoot is over since he’ll look bloated in the photos.

Him and some of his staff were at the dressing room, some already munching on the lunch boxes the company gave out. Changbin sat on his chair and fiddled with his phone, killing time.

“Bin!” the said man’s manager entered the room. “You’ll shoot for the MV the day after tomorrow. The company hired an in-demand director from LA, so everyone will be doing their best, and I hope you do, too. Although I know you always do.”

“Of course,” Changbin responded, giving a small smile. “Who’s the director?”

“I don’t quite remember his name. He did direct high-end movies in LA and directed Chungha, NCT, and a few more popular groups’ MVs before. He’s really good. Very worth it for his rates, though.”

“Okay,” the idol nodded, not commenting on the expensive director for his music video. He does keep the company’s lights on, anyway.

“You two are what?”

“Why are you two so shocked? Aren’t you both always teasing us to hell and back whenever we breathe in the same direction?”

“Still! We weren’t expecting you and Changbin to actually date!”

“Do you want us to break up then?”

“No!” Hyunjin shouts, and repeats the sentence in a softer tone, “No. I’m happy for you both. It took you boht long enough to finally realize you two make each other the happiest.”

It was about time Seungmin and Changbin finally revealed that they were dating. They started dating a few months back, testing the waters, and kept it a secret in case they don’t work out. They don’t want to make things awkward with Hyunjin and Felix, they don't want to be the reason why their small but solid friend group evaporates into thin air.

They were already together during Changbin’s birthday. It was already nearing the holiday season, and to carry onto a new year without a guilty conscience, they finally told their closest friends. They didn’t expect the duo to be so dramatic about it, considering how everyone thought Seungmin and Changbin looked good together and were dating (especially those two menaces).

It was about time they started making it real. Seungmin jokingly told Changbin the idea of them dating before, not expecting the elder to be serious, yet here they are now.

It all started out from random mutual friends always catching the two hanging out together. They threw in a few remarks here and there from the amount of times they encountered the duo together on and off campus—Changbin was convinced that people saw him with Seungmin more than they saw him on his own. They’d usually just brush comments off, the two of them clearly not affected by it.

The teasing started to reach Hyunjin and Felix, the two being the obnoxiously loud people who’ll imply that the two were together, even if they weren’t back then. They would give teasing looks and remarks, but all fell into blind eyes and deaf ears. It was just a fun banter, until it wasn’t.

Seungmin still remembered the various nosy professors who would ask about Changbin to him, asking how he was. Changbin was obviously on the popular side of the university, having positions at various clubs and organizations that made his name well-known around the campus. The professors adored Changbin, and their resort to finding out how he was doing is to ask his presumably significant other, Seungmin. Even a few seniors and batchmates here and there asked about Changbin’s wellbeing to the younger, and to Seungmin’s frustration of the elder’s name being mentioned wherever he goes, he asks them why they ask about him.

That was when Seungmin knew that almost everyone who knew Changbin thought they were dating.

He awkwardly laughed the remarks off, telling them that they were only close best friends. He tried not to grimace whenever someone told them they looked good together and they should give it a shot, yet here they are now, officially together for a few months. Their relationship is going well, their dynamic still hasn’t changed. It was still Seungmin and Changbin, Changbin and Seungmin.

It was not perfect, yet it was what Seungmin wanted. And he couldn’t ask for more.

“SpearB!”

Changbin groggily woke up from his short nap inside the small van, waking up from his light slumber. The heavily tinted windows of the van had sunlight seeping through it, making the man’s eyes hurt for a while.

He looked up to his manager and rubbed his eyes for a while, waking himself up. He still had the camera’s tripod in his hands—he was asked to vlog his experience for the MV shooting for content. He semi-consciously turned on the small recording device and adjusted it towards his face, and narrated the happenings that occurred.

He got off the van with the small camera still pointed at his face, walking towards the small shooting area with the company staff rustling around him, preparing for the shoot.

Changbin’s freshly dyed dark red hair was soft and disheveled on his head right now, in contrast to his usual strong aura. His eyes were soft and the lower half of his face was covered with a mask to protect himself from damaging his skin from the strong weather.

The area was spacious, the studio had various sections and everything was well-lit. There were studio lights set up in threes everywhere, and other more fancy props for Changbin to use soon. He was ushered towards the dressing room, the staff letting him sit down and do his makeup and prepare his outfits. He sat silently, not really in the mood to talk too much right now. He set up the camera at the table, filming his hair being styled and his face being splattered with color.

It took him a couple of hours for the stylists to finalize his first look for tonight. His performers were divided into different rooms, getting themselves ready for filming too. Changbin bid goodbye to his vlogging camera and turned it off in a swift motion, keeping the camera inside the dressing room as he exited.

His manager was talking to who he assumed as one of the directors (Changbin did not understand why there were so many directors. Lighting, sound, floor, the main one—he doesn’t even remember all of them.) He could not see who the director was, since their back was facing Changbin, draped with a long beige coat that ended below his knees. His manager soon noticed his presence from his peripheral vision and called him over, waving his hand in a high manner.

The idol walked closer towards the two as per the manager’s request, his footsteps barely heard from the chatter around the set from the crew and his dancers. He was only a couple of feet away before he could have a conversation with the two in a respectable distance, and the director finally looked back in Changbin's direction.

Oh.

Changbin suddenly felt hyper aware of everything—the cold felt cooler, the noise became louder, his stomach felt like it was dropping in an endless pit.

He made it.

“SpearB! This is Director Sky Kim, he’ll be the director for your music video.”

Changbin sucked in a deep breath and pulled a tight smile. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Kim. Please take care of us well.”

“Hello and of course, SpearB. You’ll be in good hands.”

Changbin doesn’t know what to feel. Who would know how to act when you suddenly see your former lover as a director for your own music video?

He was happy for Seungmin—of course he was. He had sat through Seungmin and his undying love for directing and interest in film, the younger boy ranting and giving comments whenever they’re watching something. It has been so long and the latter finally achieved his long-term ambition, and based on what his manager said, the boy was greatly successful abroad, with multiple high-end movies credited under his name, multiple awards granted to him during awarding season. He was living his dream, and Changbin would be a fool not to be happy for him.

He felt upset. Mostly at himself. He wanted to be there for Seungmin throughout everything, celebrate his small successes and progress with him, tell him he’s proud of whatever he achieved. Seungmin was in constant need of affirmation, needing to hear that he did an excellent job, and he wanted to be the person telling him that. He wanted to be Seungmin’s person. Too bad he was already gone without the younger even starting his dream yet.

He had a wistful feeling. Seungmin grew up, in more ways than one. His face has matured over the years, his face became more defined. His shoulders grew wider, his body became taller, he became so triumphant over time. He felt like a different person, he was no longer the innocent and chaste Seungmin. He has now built a name for himself, establishing a good reputation.

It’s not like Changbin doesn’t have a name of his own. Both of them were way successful now.

A few moments later, Changbin was called by the staff for him and his dancers to go to the first set. The set was illuminated in a bright blue lit background—his signature color. His dancers were all wearing black, imitating how a shadow would look like. All of them went towards their respective places now, the first position of his new choreography being the first frame of the music video. Changbin got to his position on the far right side, his dancers doing a domino effect by going lower in their levels as they got farther from him. They assumed that this scene would be a silhouette of everyone, only the bright blue background being the only source of color and luminance for the scene.

The all-too-familiar intro of his self-written song started to resonate throughout the studio, his body started to ride through the rhythm. His muscle memory was the only thing he was relying on now.

The director was not looking at them directly, but rather looking at them through the screen of the camera, guiding the cameraman when to tilt and zoom the device.

Changbin could survive this MV shoot.

“Bin,” Seungmin called from behind him. “What’s gotten you so tired these past few days?”

“Dance club is killing me,” he replied. He was over at Seungmin’s again, practically being there more than his own home recently. Seungmin was giving him a back massage, the older one laying down on his chest in Seungmin’s bed. It has been the third time Changbin asked for a massage this week, after visiting Seungmin at such a late hour.

“You got a new performance soon? Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“Just practicing. I don’t know why I’m more exhausted than usual, maybe it’s just the new people who joined the club. And I’m not, don’t worry too much, dear.”

“The new members are hard-headed?”

“Too loud. I may have a really loud voice but it’s still exhausting to grab everyone’s attention every once in a while. The club moderator is asking us to memorize a few choreographies to post on the school’s page.”

“I see,” Seungmin responded as he squeezed the juncture between Changbin’s shoulders and neck, eliciting a small groan from the elder. “Is your throat okay? My mom has tea downstairs, I could ask for a few for you.”

“I’d like that, actually.”

“Alright, give me a sec.”

Seungmin hopped off Changbin’s back, slipping into his fluffy indoor slippers to prevent his feet from being cold. He exited the room, closing the door with a small click, and the elder could faintly hear his footsteps as he went downstairs.

Changbin sat up on the bed and wore his shirt, the mild scent of the lavender oil Seungmin lathered on his body seeping through the fabric. He ruffled his hair and patiently waited for his boyfriend, feeling the soft mattress press into his legs. It was not long before Seungmin reentered the room, a white mug in his hands. He settled the mug on his side table and crawled on the bed, wrapping his thin arms around Changbin’s waist as he pulled the both of them down.

“You smell nice,” Seungmin murmured.

“It’s probably just the oil you used, dear.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Changbin chuckled at his response. “It smells nice because of you.”

“No it doesn’t,” the elder pokes the latter’s nose, giving a small fond smile after. “But I’m too tired to argue with you.”

“Hey,” Seungmin slightly shook Changbin who rested his eyes. “Don’t fall asleep on me yet. Drink your tea first.”

“Are you staying over tonight?”

“I don’t think so,” Changbin replied after sipping his drink. “Mom asked me to buy something tomorrow morning so I have to get up early. The market’s nearer to my place so I’ll go home.”

“Oh, okay,” the taller replied, his head lying comfortably on his soft pillow as the latter was sitting on his bed, drinking his tea.

“I’ll stay over next time. You made the tea well, by the way. It’s not too hot.”

Seungmin’s lips stretched into a small smile. “You don’t need a hot tea because I’m already a hott-”

“If you finish that sentence, I will not hesitate to pour this drink on you.”

“You won’t do that.”

“Sure, Seungmin,” he answered, putting down the mug on his side table. He laid down again and softly rubbed the younger’s stomach through the thick fabric of his blanket, scooting closer.

“For how long are you gonna practice your choreographies?”

Changbin paused for a moment. “Not really sure. Just a gut feeling, but I think we’ll still practice for a couple of months.”

“That’s so long.”

“Well, we are with a bunch of rookies. Of course most of them already have dancing experiences, but it’s still different to dance and accommodate new people into our routine.”

“That’s true,” he murmured.

“How’s it going with your movie stash? You’re still watching them?”

“What do you think of me as? Of course I’m watching them. Not as often as before but I’m still slipping in a few movies here and there when school work is not too hectic. Would’ve been more fun if we watched them together, though.”

“I’ll probably be busy for the next few months with the dance club but I’ll make time for you, dear.”

’Make time,’ Changbin laughs to himself. Once Seungmin catches him slipping it’s over for them.

The shoot was tiring.

They have only filmed around ten scenes so far, and half of them were the choreography but in different angles and sets. Changbin had no issue in repeating the choreography over and over again since he was already used to it, but the roaming cameras and him not being allowed to sweat too much was tiring. His makeup artist had to retouch his makeup redundantly as Changbin held a hand fan, patiently waiting for the director’s instructions if they had to retake it or move on to another scene.

The director was intently observing the tapes from the several screens on the set, spotting any flaws, along with the other crew. Seungmin lowered his body towards the screen he was watching from, his concentrated face being a little too distracting for the soloist. He had to look away from the director for a while, getting himself together, and also mentally preparing himself for any instructions he may give out.

The production team was a mix of both Seungmin’s own and some from his company—there were a few familiar faces here and there. Changbin overheard that some of Seungmin’s crew were still in LA right now, and only a few could attend this project. Changbin did not mind it one bit, as being surrounded by a few familiar people amidst the crowd of unfamiliar faces made him feel safe.

He cooled himself off for a few seconds from the exhausting choreography, and he heard Seungmin speak.

“Retake this shot. Do a closeup to Changbin’s face when he reaches the third line, then zoom outwards after.”

“Changbin?” One of Seungmin’s crew asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Please do a closeup to SpearB’s face when he reaches the third line of the chorus.”

“Copy,” the cameraman nodded, setting up the camera towards the set again. Changbin heard the command, so he naturally followed the request too, getting into his position.

“Where did ‘Changbin’ come from?” One of the staff members negotiated with Seungmin, Changbin assumed that this was one of the staff that was not theirs, considering the foreign face and the english accent.

“Do you not know his real name? I thought everyone knew because he’s really popular and all. And he was also a trainee for a long period of time.”

“We don’t, actually,” one of the crew members replied as they got up from looking at the screen. “But it’s nice to know.”

The shoot went by smoothly, the dancers still giving their 200% despite the repeated takes. They believed that the MV would be viewed by many and would forever be on the internet so they’d like to be in their best aura.

Changbin also had to be in his best form the whole video, given that he was the center and he had no one to split the screen time with. He and his dancers repeated the choreography again, Changbin fixing his gaze towards the camera, lip syncing his song. He had to be extra precise on his facial expressions now that the lens is practically shoved into his face.

The director shouted a quick ‘cut’ after the chorus, the performers and idol still standing in their positions.

The staff reviewed the tape again, checking if it’s perfect. They were all huddled up on the screen, and a cameraman was also filming the screen. Changbin assumed it was for his behind the scenes video.

The crew talked in a hushed tone, Changbin couldn’t really comprehend what they were saying from where he was standing with his song playing in the background. The people soon nodded and got up from the screen and Seungmin picked up the mic from a plastic chair and switched it on. The mic was connected to the studio’s sound system.

“The scene was perfect. Since it’s already lunchtime, please take a brief break and go to this same set by one o’clock.”

Changbin’s performers bowed to the crew before dispersing into their respective green rooms. Changbin bowed too before going into his own room to unwind for a bit, and maybe film something short for his behind the scene vlog too. The room was still cold, probably even colder, as he entered. He sat down on his chair and grabbed the camera given to him by the company, setting it up swiftly.

“We just finished shooting for this morning, we’re now having our lunch break before filming again,” Changbin started. “My makeup looks pretty, right? Our stylist noonas came up with it. Do Seolars like it? I like it so much.”

He zoomed in the camera towards his eyes, seeing the glitter shimmer under the room’s light bulb. He unzoomed the lens and settled down the camera on the vanity, setting up the tripod.

“I’m really hungry right now. I don’t think I can eat because I’ll look bloated in the MV, but I’ll try asking my manager if I can.”

Changbin called out for his manager from his seat, taking advantage of his loud voice. The man in question entered Changbin’s green room, two lunch boxes in hand.

“Hyung! Am I allowed to eat lunch for today?”

“Why do you think I have two lunch boxes right now?”

“Oh,” Changbin looked at the camera, slightly embarrassed. “Thank you.”

The idol received the lunch box with two hands, opening the container after setting it down his lap. He filmed himself munching down his meal slowly, and occasionally feeding the camera some food (which he ate afterwards) for fanservice. He eventually got bored of vlogging and turned the camera off, saying a few words before closing the device.

“The shoot is going really smoothly compared to your previous MVs. Good job.”

“I thought so too. I guess we have luck today.”

“And probably because we feeded your performers a nice breakfast today. The company is letting out more funds than usual for your comeback, which is nice. Plus the director too.”

“Yeah, Seungmin is professional. Nice to work with him.”

“You mean Director Kim? His name is Sky, not Seungmin.”

“His name is Seungmin too, though.”

“How did you know?”

“I searched him up when you mentioned him before,” he lied. Well, it’s not really appropriate to say ’yeah he used to be my boyfriend and I know him very well’, now, is it?

“Really? I don’t think I mentioned his name directly to you that day, though,” his manager replied as he took a spoonful of his meal.

“You have poor memory, don’t you?” Changbin teased. “You did mention him. There’s no other way I’ll know him, anyway.”

“True. Maybe I do have poor memory,” his manager shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe you already knew each other from before. You two went to the same high school, if I remember correctly.”

Changbin prevents himself for saying anything stupid. “Yeah, but I don’t remember him.”

“Changbin, are you hiding something from me?”

“Yeah, my stash of snacks because you’ll steal them from me.”

“Changbin, I’m completely serious,” Seungmin had a blank yet stern look on his face. “Look at me.”

Changbin looked up from his notebook. He was in Seungmin’s desk while the younger was on his bed, fiddling on the powerpoint presentation files he had on his laptop. Today was a Saturday, Changbin visited Seungmin more often during weekends as he was always busy during the weekdays.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“You know I practically tell you everything, Seung. You know that.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Seungmin closed his laptop and Changbin was puzzled. He looked back at his boyfriend again.

“Why does it not feel like it? Do you want me to be more honest with you? I can do that. Just tell me how.”

“Where are you heading to during the weekdays? From dawn before classes and night after classes.”

“I’m practicing in our dance club.”

“Really? Is Minho not included in the dance club anymore?”

“He still is. You know him, he’s like the second captain there.”

“Oh really?” Seungmin scoffed. “So are you practicing on your own? Because Minho clearly told me that the dance club doesn’t have any gigs until next year, after winter. One of you two is lying, and I don’t see any reason for Minho to lie to me when we don’t even know each other that well.”

Fuck, Changbin thought. He knows.

“Are you telling the truth, Changbin?”

The elder closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Minho is lying. Why do you believe him more than me?”

“So Jiwon, Eunji, and all the other dance kids are lying too?” Seungmin shot back. “I clearly remember talking to a few of them and they all said the same thing: there were no dance club practices for the past month or in December. Were they all lying, Changbin?”

“They’re not,” Changbin whispered. “They’re not lying. They’re telling you the truth.”

“So where were you going before and after classes?” Seungmin asked, voice too calm for Changbin’s liking. “Every time I visited you in the morning so we could walk together, you were not there. Even your mom lied to me, saying you’re dancing for the club. So what are you hiding that you can’t even tell your mom?”

“I am still dancing before and after school. But not for the school’s dance club.”

“You told me that you don’t want to join other dance crews apart from the school’s because you suck at multitasking. Why did you have to hide that you were in another dance crew?”

“It’s not a dance crew,” Changbin sighed, defeated.

“Then what is it? What are you hiding from me, Changbin?” The younger’s voice was starting to get higher. “What are you hiding from everyone? That your body is all sore and your voice is fucked up often? Are you sleeping around?”

“I’m not cheating on you, Seungmin,” Changbin snarled, voice getting higher too. “I’m not that kind of person. You know that.”

“But I don’t feel like I know you anymore,” a tear slips down on his cheek. “Why is your body in pain when you’re not dancing? Why did you have to keep it all to yourself, not telling me, Felix and Hyunjin, and even your own mom? Is there something you have to be ashamed of?

“You’re barely home, you barely visit me anymore. Heck, you don't even stay the night anymore. Why? Is it because you’re sleeping in another house? That’s why you always have spare clothes in your bag?”

“Seungmin, calm down for a second!” Changbin stared at the latter with fierce eyes. “I’m not sleeping around. I’m not cheating on you. I don’t know what I did that you don’t even believe what I’m saying.”

“You lied to me just now. You told me Minho’s lying, then took it back. You told me you’re in another dance crew, and said you’re not. What did I do for you to lie to me? Do you not trust me? Do you not trust me with your small little secrets? I have all the reasons for me not to believe in you.”

“Seungmin,” Changbin said, exasperatedly. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I’m not saying anything.”

“You’re hurting me more by not saying anything!”

“Because you’ll cut me off faster when I tell you!”

“Do you think that low of me?” Seungmin said, voice growing smaller. “You think I don’t try to understand you? If I didn’t try to understand you, I would have broken up with you last week, when I discovered the whole dance club fiasco. I gave you time, Changbin. Because I know you, and I know you’ll tell me what you’re up to sooner or later. But you still kept playing innocent when you’re not.”

“Because we can’t stay together for long, Seungmin. If I tell you now, you won’t enjoy our relationship while it lasts. If I can’t enjoy this while it lasts, at least I want you to enjoy it.”

“Why can’t we stay together for long?”

“Because I’m a trainee, Seungmin. I’m not supposed to be dating anyone in the first place, but I wanted you to be happy so I kept it from everyone else. It’s not like I can casually say I’m a trainee too, anyway.”

“A trainee,” Seungmin sneered. “You’re a trainee.”

“I was, since last month. D-3 Entertainment sent me an email after seeing videos of me from the dance club.”

“You kept that secret of yours from me,” Seungmin slowly said, and Changbin nodded, unsure. “How would you think I would react? Ridicule you? Mock you? Tell everyone else you were a trainee?”

“No, Seungmin,” Changbin sighed again, gritting his jaw. “I already told you. Trainees are not supposed to be in relationships. This has got to end sooner or later, and I didn’t tell you yet because you’re going to be hurt faster.”

“So you knew we’re gonna break up soon but kept it to yourself. You made a fool out of me.”

“I did not, Seung. I wanted you to be happy.”

“You think I’m not happy for you?” Seungmin snapped. “You think I would stop you from achieving your dreams?”

“No, Seungmin. I already told you my reason for not telling.”

“We won’t last long because you won’t fight for us in your company.”

“How many times are you not going to believe me?”

“For as many times you will lie to me.” Seungmin answered. “If you’re worrying about time, I will understand your situation. I can send you stuff in exchange for me not being there. Literally the only thing preventing us is you not fighting for me.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Seung.”

“Relationships don’t work that way either, Changbin.” Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut, letting down a few tears that rolled on his cheeks.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I’m not a liar and a coward like you, Changbin. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

And there Changbin was, leaving the premises of Seungmin’s room. The door was left wide open, and Seungmin’s pride refused to close it.

“SpearB, please hold the food props up. Please make it look like you’re admiring the glasses and pastries, and that shouldn’t be hard for you because you like—yes, please follow what I said,” Seungmin spoke into the mic before turning it off and putting it down. Changbin raised an eyebrow at him while he was not looking at him or the screen, weirded out by the director’s behavior.

Nonetheless, the idol has followed the director’s orders, playing around with the props as cameras danced around him, capturing his face. He tilted his head in different angles, holding the intricately-designed wine glass within his eye-level, and occasionally bringing up some of the fake pastries too. Changbin still found it odd that Seungmin almost slipped out that he likes food (in Changbin’s defence—who wasn’t?) in a professional setting, where they both pretend not to know each other. That was very unprofessional of him, but Changbin is not the one to talk.

He continued posing, and now the camera was far away from his face, capturing the whole set with him in the middle. This set looked prestigious, it looked like the inside of a fancy castle from all the vintage wallpapers, antique-looking tables, utensils and cutleries, paintings on the wall, and even his outfit. Even with all the fancy details, Changbin’s favorite set was still the one where he and his dancers danced on glass with green plants surrounding them.

Changbin was basically on autopilot the whole time, mindlessly following Seungmin’s orders, staring at the camera when he needed to. Changbin’s performers were all still resting, so the crew decided to film Changbin’s solo shots first.

He was informed that they will still shoot the day after tomorrow, but in an outdoor setting. Changbin’s shoots were moving faster than usual, it usually took him about two to three days to film half a music video. Now it only took him one, assuming that the shoot was about to end after a few more sets.

They moved on to the next set rather quickly, Changbin was now in the large set they shooted the first scene in, but now the flooring was better instead of the plain black one earlier. The floor now has strips of lights that were flashing , complimenting the bright blue background. His dancers were already in their respective positions, getting ready to dance once more.

The studio lights blinded Changbin, they were brighter than before, and he assumed that it was to battle the blue lighting from his back. He tried his best to ignore the harsh lighting, paying attention to the crew below it instead.

“The music will start in a while. Please be ready,” the director spoke into the mic. Soon enough, Changbin’s song did start to play in the studio, and Changbin started dancing again. He fell into the rhythm once more, together with the people dancing around him, smoothly following the dance routine they have practiced for months.

They did it in a few takes, with Changbin helping the directors monitor the choreography, trying to spot anything off and requesting for a retake when he thinks they have to.

It was already their nth take for this particular scene since Changbin insisted that something was off. The angles of their choreography did not translate well into the camera and they had to change it up, or else they would not look synchronized. The crew understood it, of course, they also had an eye for anything that seemed off.

They went through the dance several times and finally got it right after Changbin told some of the performers to change the angles of their arms. It all looked perfect now, the crew slightly looking tired but it was nothing they couldn’t handle.

“I’m okay with this shot now. Every move looks well calculated now.”

“It must be, after shooting for how many times,” Seungmin muttered under his breath, not expecting anyone to hear.

“How unprofessional are you, Director Kim? It’s your job to monitor if everything is alright. It’s not even supposed to be my job in the first place.”

“It is your job. The video production team does not know about the choreography. We are not responsible for any choreographic errors.”

“We can do as many mistakes as we want, it’s your job to retake it until everything is perfect.”

“SpearB,” his manager nudged him, his voice tone warning the idol.

“Whatever. Let’s get this done with.”

“Seungmin hey, it’s alright. Cry all you want.”

Seungmin did not utter any word to the younger, yet tears still ran on his cheeks, slightly wetting his cheeks. Felix cradled him in his arms—he was lankier than Changbin, but still gave the same amount of warmth to the younger.

The latter simply sent a text to Felix the morning after the whole situation happened, and the elder thought Seungmin was just asking him over so they can tick off some of the movies from Seungmin’s watch lost. Felix was wrong, as the sight of a disheveled Seungmin greeted his vision as he opened the door to his room.

Felix does not know why Seungmin is crying his heart out on an early Sunday morning—he assumed it was because of their hectic project week, deadlines after deadlines chased them like angry landlords asking their tenants for rent.

He was not wrong, per se—it was just a factor. Seungmin was usually good at managing stress, juggling his tasks efficiently. The stress has just built up and overwhelmed the younger boy and he broke like a fragile teacup after everything. Him and Changbin was just his last straw, but his schoolwork did play a big role in his breakdown.

Felix did not speak much, he just comforted the younger physically. He hugged him and dug his comically small hands in Seungmin’s hair, plus the occasional knuckle that brushed against his cheek to wipe some of his tears.

The knuckle move made him cry more. It just reminded him of the reasons he’s crying right now.

It wasn’t too long until Seungmin eventually stopped tearing up, his breath becoming more calm instead of ragged. He wasn’t violently inhaling and exhaling anymore. Felix carefully removed his hand from Seungmin’s scalp to hold his cheeks with both of his palms, tilting the younger’s head upwards. He gave him a serene smile, and leaned the latter’s head on his chest again.

“Telling someone what you’re feeling will make you feel way better, but if you don’t want anyone to know, it’s alright too.”

This is what Seungmin loved about Felix.

He was calm most of the time, and also chose the correct words most of the time. Seungmin loved their friendship dynamic—one that constantly needed to be told what’s up and one that would calmly tell everything.

Felix’s words are like Seungmin’s refreshing drink during a hot summer. It was often sweet and sometimes playful, and it put Seungmin in a bright mood.

“Me and our friend aside from Hyunjin…” Seungmin trailed off. Felix hummed in response, queuing him to continue.

“We’re not really the perfect match.”

“Nothing is perfect.”

“I know that,” Seungmin murmured. “Maybe that’s why we’re better off without each other.”

Felix’s hand temporarily froze from running through Seungmin’s hair. “Are you happy with your decision?”

No. I’m far from it. “I don’t know.”

“If you’re hesitant about something, do you think you had doubts from the start? Or did it just start now?”

“I don’t know, Felix,” Seungmin repeats, “Maybe we were just pressured from all the teasing by the people around us so we tried it out. It was a little joke, we shouldn’t have even tried to escalate it.”

Changbin is a trainee, Felix. I am not allowed to tell anyone.

“I honestly don’t think anything changed drastically when you two started dating for real. I don’t know what went on with you two privately, but I’m sure he will still cherish you as a person, as a friend, even after all of these. After all, you two practically grew up with each other.”

Seungmin doesn’t respond, knowing well that his friendship with the elder will cut off soon because of Changbin’s choices. He doesn’t know if he can still cheer for him now that he’s bound to cut off everyone he knew soon.

It hurts, knowing Seungmin can’t tell how he’s really feeling to anyone. He was not an asshole, he was not going to sabotage Changbin’s career to their friends. He had to lie, tell their friends that it was only the pressure that broke them off.

He wants to tell the truth to Felix so bad. It’s not like Felix was going to go around and tell everyone else.

But Seungmin had to bottle everything up, keep hiding the real story from everyone else. He had to keep everything himself, swallow all the pain until he’s numb to it. The issue was going to be swept under the rug soon, no one had to know what really happened. It was for the best.

And if Seungmin felt like he was drowning in an endless dark ocean with all the emotions overwhelming him, no one had to know.

“We’ll do a wide shot now,” Seungmin’s voice resonated through the studio. “Please sit still and try to look intrigued at the props.”

The idol complied, not moving an inch until he was told to. Despite being pissed at the director, he still had an ounce of decency in him, so he still followed his directions for his music video.

The camera attached to a crane was still for a few moments and Changbin was staring right into its lens, head tilted to the side and his left eyebrow slightly raised. Soon enough, the camera started panning from side to side slowly, and Changbin followed his vision to it.

“That’s good,” the director said. “Please place your elbow on the table and lean your head to your hand. Perfect.”

Changbin followed the directions, staring right at the moving camera as he gave a pointed look towards the lens. His head was unconsciously following the movement of the panning camera, and so they had to retake the shot.

“Changbin. Please don’t move,” the director said. “I’m sorry. SpearB, please do not move. You can only move your eyes.”

Changbin held back a scoff from Seungmin slipping his real name during the shoot, thrown off from the unprofessional move. He ignored the action and just proceeded to continue shooting as he was directed to.

It was not long before Changbin had to shoot another choreography on his own, he already found himself standing in the same set, but the table was removed. He was standing in the center, the lights all focused on him. He was moving on autopilot, his body mindlessly following the commands and moving to the beat. He had to monitor his movements again and again, assuring everything was clean and sharp. He had to go back and forth to view the progress of the video on the screen again, but it was all normal for him.

He was slowly getting tired from all the dancing, it was starting to get hard catching his own breath after performing a small part of the song. He even had to take a short water break to hydrate him for a bit—he was getting exhausted.

Blame it to him for wanting a perfect music video. He has always been particular about this, not wanting to put out something that has an error that will most likely be on the internet forever. The internet is a scary place.

Changbin wondered if the staff was also getting sick of hearing the same verse repeating over and over . They probably were.

“When is he going to finish this verse?” He heard Seungmin mumble to the assistant director. “He keeps getting the verse wrong. I thought idols had to practice over and over again to make sure they dance perfectly. He keeps making errors.”

“He’s probably just making sure everything looks alright. It’s normal.”

“I don’t think this much takes is normal.”

As soon as Seungmin let go of that statement, he saw himself being dragged outside of the set, a fuming Changbin’s hand gripping his wrist tightly.

“You,” Changbin narrowed his eyes. “I don’t care about what happened in the past, keep it to yourself, it’s both our careers in line. Get your shit together, Seungmin. You and I are both professional adults.”

“No, you get your shit together,” Seungmin responded, pushing his index finger to Changbin’s shoulder. “I have been nothing but professional this entire shooting. I didn’t mention anything about whatever the hell happened before, I have no plans in doing so. If someone is at fault here, it’s clearly you.”

“You were the one who keeps pinpointing every single thing I do. I can breathe in the wrong direction and you’ll tell me to redo everything.”

“I am a director, Seo Changbin! It is literally my profession to make sure everything is perfect on camera because if that video is going to be uploaded, it’s gonna stay on the internet forever. I don’t want my project to look shitty just because a ‘professional’ who can’t keep his feelings to himself won’t cooperate.”

“Do your job better.”

“I am doing my job perfectly fine,” Seungmin gritted his teeth. “If you can’t deal with how I manage my clients, find a new director. Not everything revolves around you, Changbin. The world has never once revolved for you. Stop thinking it is.”

“And let the whole day of shooting go into waste? Do you not think about the people around you?”

“‘Do I not think about the people around me?’” The director scoffs. “If there’s anyone who doesn’t think about what others are feeling, it’s you. I would have not treated any other client differently, but if other directors treat you normally just like how I was, you won’t make a fuss about it.”

“You can’t be sure about that.”

“I am,” he answered, slowly losing his temper. “You can watch all my documentaries and you’ll see I don’t treat them any different. You are simply stuck in your own head, so get over it if you can’t handle the truth.”

“But if I ask for another director this instant, I am the selfish one.”

“Go ahead! I dare you. Cut off the shooting right now and explain to your company you want a new director because your current director is not handling you well.”

Seungmin was fuming in anger, his eyes were narrowed and his jaw was clenched. His hands were curled up into a tight fist, his short fingernails slightly digging into his skin. He had to calm down or else he'd keep spitting out words he didn’t really mean, and potentially jeopardize his own project.

Seungmin heaved a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to calm him down. He silently counted from 1 to 10, a technique told to him by one of his professors from his college in case the shooting was being too hard on him. He tilted his head up, trying to clear his thoughts, and once he was ready, he spoke again.

“Look, Changbin,” he started once again, his voice now calm, in contrast to his previous yelling voice. “I’m not putting you to blame for any of this. But please, for the love of god, keep your feelings out of the line. I know you, you always prioritize your work over everything, heck, I learned that the hard way, but please don’t turn that around now. Be as childish as you want after the shoot, but please hold it in for now. I don’t want a disastrous project as much as you don’t want a ruined comeback.”

“I’m ruining my own comeback?” Changbin barks back, voice laced with sarcasm. “I’m doing everything just fine.”

“Changbin please,” the younger man reiterates, frustrated.

“Director Sky Kim, if you keep insisting that I am in the wrong in this situation, I'm afraid to say that we’ll end the shooting now. Go tell the staff to wrap up and send them home.”

“Are you being serious right now?”

“When have I not?” Changbin scoffed. “End the music video shooting now.”

“Your pre-comeback schedule will be messed up if you’ll restart the music video all over again.”

“I don’t care. Wrap it up now.”

“You want a what?”

“A new director,” Changbin repeats. His manager was in disbelief, not knowing if the idol was joking or not.

“Why do you want a new director?”

“I don’t see potential and proper work ethic in Director Kim,” he lies.

“You were the one snapping at him yesterday, though. You made him so mad that he cut off the filming yesterday.”

“Heck, even you?” Changbin scrunched up his face. “I’m not at fault here. I wouldn’t snap at him if he wasn’t unprofessional.”

“Do you not know who Director Kim is?” His manager asked, albeit in a rhetorical tone. “He is very strict and professional. I already told you that he made award-winning high end films in Los Angeles, and I heard that he’s very peculiar in filming, wanting everything to be perfect. That’s why I was surprised when he was less-strict yesterday, well, until he wrapped the shoot up.”

“I don’t care if he’s less strict with us, if that means he thinks he can say whatever he wants during the shoot, then I don’t want it.”

His manager didn't speak for a while, but his eyes were digging holes into the idol’s head. It looked like he was trying to send a telepathic message to the younger, yet Changbin couldn’t receive the message in question.

“We really can’t change the director, Changbin.”

“What’s the reason behind that?”

His manager heaved a sigh and leaned back on the couch of the practice room they’re in, scratching his head. He was contemplating really hard, yet Changbin was stubborn and did not want to understand his manager’s distress.

“Is it time? We have time left. I can easily sacrifice a rest day for the shoot. I’m sure the dancers don’t mind too, they have been excited over the whole shoot.”

“They’re excited because there’s a high-end director,” his manager snorts. “Look, Changbin… I don’t know what happened during the shoot that I did not know of, but we really can’t afford to find a new director.”

“At what cost, Changjin-hyung?” He was frustrated—both of them are. Changbin wanted to desperately wiggle his way out of this whole situation, but there were way too many barriers that prevented him from doing so.

“You only have a certain budget allocated for this comeback. You know how the company works, the funds have been spread out evenly to your promotions and all that other stuff.”

“How is that a problem? The company has been giving out more expensive food to the dancers and all, aren’t there more funds than usual? I keep the lights on in this company, half of the total sales from this company this year are from me. Why can’t they give me what I want?”

“That’s because we got the director for only a quarter of his usual rate, Changbin.”

“What?” Changbin’s eyes furrowed, his face laced with utmost confusion. What does he mean by that?

“We had no idea how it happened, Director Kim has reasonably expensive and high rates because of his background and skill. Some really big companies can afford him, of course, but small companies like us don’t really have the resources for that. We already had a few directors to choose from, however, we all dropped them when Director Kim sent us an email about being interested in directing for the company. We were skeptical about it at first, not knowing if it’s a prank or not—so we called him over for a meeting, and he said he’s willing to cut his rate by three-fourths when he heard that it was you who he’ll direct for.”

“Why would he sell himself like that?” Changbin was confused—guilty, if anything more.

“Again, we have no idea how it happened. We already told him from the start that it’s okay if he can’t go all out since we can’t pay him all out as well, but all of these things happened.”

“So you gave me…” he trailed off. “A cheap director?”

“He’s not cheap, Changbin,” his manager deadpanned. “He’s award-winning. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you.”

“Heck,” Changbin laughed bitterly. “Does he think we’re cheap?”

“Where did that come from?” his manager gave him a weird look. “What did Director Kim do for you to think so ill of him?”

Changbin shouldn’t tell his manager. This was a professional setting—for god’s sake! He can’t just blurt out that—

“We've known each other since high school.”

“Oh?” his manager arched an eyebrow. “Were you two rivals or something? I thought you said that you don’t know him.”

“No…” he trailed off. Was he really saying this to his manager? “Quite the opposite, actually.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We were… We were really close friends.”

It was silent for a while before his manager decided to speak again. “If you’re friends then maybe he directed for free as a little gift for you? I don’t get why you’re making a fuss over it, the company would have not accepted the offer if it was too skeptical.”

“We did not end up on good terms, there is no reason for him to direct for free. All I ask is for a new director, I don’t get how you can refuse that knowing that I play a big role in keeping the company alive. The new boy group isn’t even doing that well, why not cut their budget off instead?”

“What?” his manager’s eyebrows furrowed. “Changbin, are you hearing yourself? Do you know how conceited you sound right now?”

“Conceited it is! I do not care. I have barely made any major requests from the company since debut. If they can’t meet my expectations on an eye-to-eye level, then I’m pretty sure there are a bunch of companies willing to take me into their family.”

“You can’t say that,” his manager argued. “You are on the brink of having your comeback, you can’t record every single song you wrote over again, you can’t make your dancers unlearn the choreography you have been learning for weeks. Please think rationally, Seo Changbin, you are acting like a child.”

“None of this would have happened if you didn’t choose Director Kim for my music video. Go find a cheap director and everything will be fine.”

“What part of ‘no’ can you not understand?” Changjin monotonously said. “You are already in your late twenties, you are not a teenager. You should have known that personal life and work does not mix. We have already set everything for your music video way back, we have already brainstormed everything in the preproduction. If we change the director, we’re going to brainstorm your concept all over again, and it’s going to take days. It’s not just a matter of a half a week of filming, there’s a lot more things you should consider. If you think we’re going through all of that because of some hidden feud you two have, think again.”

Changbin opened his mouth to protest, only for him to lose the words on the back of his tongue. He closed his mouth in shame, heaving a heavy breath afterwards. His manager was still looking at him, blank eyes staring at his face.

“What’s final is final. I have no idea how you two ended up on bad terms, but please, set it aside for now. I know it’s hard to confront people, but for the sake of everyone involved in your comeback, try talking to Director Kim about it. If you don’t want to, I understand that, but do not speak to him in a way outside of being professional. He is your director, after all. He is in charge of this. You won’t get to cross paths with him or whatever after the shooting, so use this information as you will.”

It was ironic, really. Changbin does not know why he’s so upset with all of these. Seungmin was now a professional, and so was he. Maybe his manager and him were right, but his pride was too high to admit that.

Maybe he did not want to admit that.

Changbin hastily continues to shoot his own music video, much to his displeasure (not really).

After taking a break from the music video shooting for a few days to attend interviews and other promotional things, they were now back to filming. The production team had to improvise and shoot more scenes in the outside set, given that their indoor shoot was cut short and the studio was already booked. Changbin and his crew were now on a beach, the weather was as gloomy as his mood for the past few days.

He was wearing an all-white outfit from head to toe, his white platform shoes leaving dents on the sand. He was wrapped in a parka because of how strongly the wind was blowing, it was making him shiver. There were still a few studio lights set up on their part of the beach, the artificial light shining brightly as Changbin waited for instructions from Director Kim.

He was silent now, not retorting any unnecessary comments, as per request by his manager. The team were speaking silently on the otherwise loud beach, the conversations buried under the sound of the harsh wind and the crashing of waves on the beach. Soon enough, his name was called over, so he leaned towards the small group.

“We will do close up shots first, then a solo dance, then another dance with the dancers. Please stand where the floor director leads you to.”

Changbin nods in response, letting himself be dragged by the friendly middle-aged man in front of the camera. He shrugged off his parka that his stylist grabbed and slung it over her petite shoulders, while also retouching his makeup to ensure he looks perfect. The dark glitter on his eyes were not as prominent in this weather, but he was sure that the crew would make it work.

Changbin saw the lens of the camera zoom and the cameraman was adjusting its angle. The lights were adjusted to be brighter so Changbin had to adjust his vision for a bit—soon enough, a board reflector was held near him, reflecting more of the light towards his face. Seungmin started to cue the music, and Changbin slowly started to be one with the music, tilting his head in certain angles and occasionally lip syncing the lyrics.

The director seemed to be surprisingly pleased with the first take, so Changbin went to the screen and observed how he looked. Admittedly, he did do a pretty good job, and before he even knew it, he was already being ushered to shoot his solo dance shots.

The idol had to shoot this part over and over again, just to make sure every move translated well to the camera, and for the crew to get many angles as well. He was starting to sweat despite the cold atmosphere, but nonetheless, his stylist had his back and she was ready to fix his makeup over and over again. It was her job, after all.

The elder came back to the production team to view how well he did, occasionally telling the staff to reshoot certain parts too. Unlike the previous shoot, he was more calm and collected now, acting like the professional he is. Soon enough, he was motioned to head over the center again, to reshoot some of his parts.

“Please move a little bit more to the left,” Seungmin speaks on the microphone. “Just a bit more, that’s it, perfect.”

Changbin does not know why his heartbeat was louder than the waves crashing on the shore.

Shrugging off the unnecessary thoughts fogging up his brain, Changbin gets into action again, his body moving into the same dance routine he has been practicing for over a thousand times now. His body slipped into the same moves again, the wind slightly battling with the fluidity of his movements. Although Changbin can dance really well with all the years of his training, this song was more on the calmer side, a less intense choreography followed.

The second chorus and hook was at the same length of the first one, so it was relatively short. Changbin walked towards the screen like it was his second nature, grabbing his hand fan along the way too. He leaned over the medium-sized screen and he let out a small smile of satisfaction for all his moves were seen on camera beautifully. He spares a glance at the staff monitoring with him, checking if they looked satisfied with the shot, or else they’ll film again. Changbin saw the corners of Seungmin’s mouth tug upwards just by a bit, probably out of contentment with the camerawork, and the older feels like everything will go smoothly for the day.

The second part of their shoot was going as planned.

Changbin has already switched to the new outfit the stylists have prepared for him, and his makeup was also altered. His body was now covered in a black fabric from the previous white one, the cloth hugging his body neatly.

They moved closer to the sea, Changbin’s shoes leaving deeper footprints in the damp sand. The camera crane was moved nearer to the sea as well, together with some of the lights and boards. The weather started to clear up by just a bit, the sky becoming brighter than it was a couple of hours back.

“For this scene, you’ll be walking straight and following the camera. Please try to look fierce and confident.”

Changbin gave the crew thumbs up before rolling his shoulders backwards and getting ready to walk. He faced the camera that was in front of him, waiting for the director’s cue for him to start walking. The wind was still blowing harshly, albeit less intense than it was, making his hair flow in its direction, adding to the effect of the scene. He continued walking confidently in the sand, the crew following his movements, until he heard “cut” and halted his movements.

The staff seemed satisfied on the tape, and they proceeded to give Changbin command after command. Changbin would occasionally suggest some ideas to the crew and they would agree—the idol has (thankfully) stopped giving off-the-bat comments from before, and everyone was now in a professional atmosphere.

Even if the cameras for the music video were off, there were still a couple of cameras following Changbin around for his behind the scene vlog. He silently hoped that the parts where he and Seungmin got heated the other day were cut, not wanting to give a bad image to the public.

“We’ll proceed with the next scene. We’ll do a closeup shot this time, then we’ll advance to an image cut afterwards.”

The staff rushed to Changbin’a area again, adjusting the boards and lighting like it was their second nature. The idol patiently waited for everything to be prepared once more, and so he got in character when Seungmin signalled that they would shoot once more.

It was getting tiring, hearing the same song over and over—it was the reason why idols don’t listen to their own songs for leisure, they’re probably sick of it from all the preparations they did. Don’t get Changbin wrong, we loved his song, but he would rather let other people listen to it. He even had a long time adjusting to listening to his voice during his trainee days, so it was no surprise that he was making music for other people and not himself.

Cuts after cuts, scenes after scenes, everything was slowly wrapping up to a nice present. The sun was almost down, it was only a matter of an hour before it started to set. It was no issue for the production team at all, since everything was going smoothly and there were only a few cuts left to film.

There was something so satisfying about hearing the (assumingly) last “cut” for the day. Time flew so fast and they were already at the last scene, one where Changbin’s body was facing sideways while his head was facing the camera. He supposed it was either for the thumbnail or the ending cut, judging from the proximity of the camera to his face. He already knew that this particular scene would take a lot of shots since this should be perfect, considering that this is one of the key points in the music video. One wrong twitch and they had to reshoot it.

Seungmin brought down the mic from his mouth which previously uttered a “cut,” leaning down to the screen to observe the product of their filming. The cameras were close to the multiple screens of the production team at this scene, so it was easy to read the crew’s faces on whether to retake something or not.

Looking at Seungmin focusing on his craft was like looking at a carefully crafted sculpture—stonic yet alluring. Seungmin was always so focused on keeping everything in check, yet he still looked stunning. There was something so enchanting about watching someone do something they are passionate about, and this is one of them. His eyes may look tired from the busyness of the day, yet it also looked like it never lost its shine. He genuinely looked like he enjoyed what he was doing, and he was excelling at it too.

Right now, Changbin felt like his chest was more rampant than the strong wind blowing on shore.

Seungmin’s lips curled into a small smile and nodded at the other people monitoring with him, and Changbin knew at that moment that the shoot was over.

“We can wrap up now, thank you everyone for working hard.”

A series of applause resonated in the open space, the dancers and Changbin himself clapping and bowing at the crew. They all lined up from where Changbin was standing and gave a deep bow, expressing their gratitude for the people involved in the music video.

Changjin approached Changbin, greeting some of the staff on his way. Changbin met him halfway as they both thanked the staff and the directors individually. The idol was ushered into the dressing room to rest and change their clothes so they could go home comfortably, yet before they could reach the certain area, Changbin excused himself from his manager.

He found his way towards a certain brunette with ridiculously wide shoulders that can be recognized everywhere—giving a few taps on his back, Changbin gave a small smile when the director met his face.

“May I talk with you privately, Director Sky?”

“If you are here to complain or change anything at the last minute, I am sorry but we will not be able to accommodate you.”

“No! No,” Changbin immediately countered, “The shooting was fine. I don’t have any complaints about that.”

“So..?” Seungmin raised an eyebrow, indirectly telling him to get to the point. He was looking directly at Changbin, arms crossed elegantly. Changbin stared back, not knowing where to start.

“Do you have… a lot of time left for tonight?”

“If you’re talking if I can stay here for long, then no. I am already tired and I want to rest.”

“Thirty minutes,” Changbin immediately replied. “Do you have thirty minutes?”

Seungmin heaved a heavy sigh and uncrossed his arms, annoyed but contemplating. “Make sure this will be worth my time.”

“Okay, I got it,” Changbin nodded and grabbed Seungmin’s wrist, dragging him into a small hut on the beach. He motioned for the younger to take a seat in the area, the sea was clearly seen from where they were.

Changbin was busy getting himself together, focusing on breathing to calm himself down. Seungmin, on the other hand, was visibly impatient, his eyes dragging over from place to place.

“Are you not going to say anything? I thought I made it clear that I wanted this to be worth my time, but if you’re just going to stare at the empty space, I’ll take this as a cue to leave.”

“Stay,” Changbin said, voice not being louder than a whisper. “Stay. I’ll make this worth your time, I promise.”

“Then speak.”

“I’m sorry,” he started. “For being an asshole the other day during the shoot. You were right, I should have been more professional and calm. I just got carried away with my own emotions, which was really a shit move from me, so I apologize.”

“Mhmm,” Seungmin hummed. “Yeah, it was a shit move.”

“I know it got in the way of our plans for filming so we took longer in this location than planned, and I just… I’m really sorry. I don’t even know what to expect.”

“It’s alright,” the taller replied. “It’s not like it’s anything new. It happens often even abroad, as much as I hate it. Don’t stress over it.”

Changbin was surprised. “That’s all?”

“Is that a statement or a question?”

“A question. Are you seriously okay with it? Did your crewmates not suffer?”

“Again, it happens often. Even professional actors throw tantrums at times. I’ve experienced this a lot, so it’s nothing new. Did you expect a different reaction or something?”

“I prefer this one,” Changbin chuckled. “Thank you for being cool with it.”

“Is that all you pulled me here for? Time’s ticking, you know.”

Take a deep breath, Changbin.

“There’s a lot more things I should be apologizing for, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” Seungmin shrugged. “I’m not a mind reader.”

“You don’t have to pretend we don’t know each other here, you know. It’s just the two of us.”

“That does not reassure me anything.”

“Just,” Changbin frustratedly scratched his eyebrow. “Let me talk, okay?

“I’m sorry for being a shitty person to you. And to Felix and Hyunjin too. I know a sorry won’t suffice for me leaving unannounced and never coming back, but I just wanted to start on that note.

“I have terrible decisions in life. I learned that the hard way. Entering a company wasn’t easy, being in it isn’t easy, having to constantly work without a break is not easy. The pressure was always there, it’s like a shadow that constantly follows me everywhere. It’s taunting. Even in bright lights, it’s still there.

“Sometimes, it got me thinking if everything was worth it, all the sacrifices and hardships. If trying to aim for something I want but losing precious things like you was worth it.”

It was silent. “Was it worth it?”

“Definitely. But everything would have been a little less painful if I didn’t let go of you.”

“I’m not your painkiller, Changbin. And you don’t need me anymore now that you’re living your dream.”

“You are my dream.” He countered. “Maybe I got too distracted with all the things I don’t have within my fingers from the ones I already had. I lost my pieces on the way. I lost you on the way.”

“I let go, Bin. You did not lose me.”

“What if you never let go?”

“We both know that wasn’t possible. We’ll still end up splitting up because of various reasons.”

“But we could’ve found a way, right? Just like how you’ve always told me,” Changbin softly mumbled. “I know I hurt you a lot. I know you couldn’t tell Lix and Hyun the real reason why we broke up, I know how hard it is to keep everything to yourself. I really admire how strong you are. You were always so brave.”

“And you were a coward for giving up so easily.”

“I know, Seung. I know.” Changbin bitterly chuckled and continued to speak. “I know you’ve moved on, heck, it’s been almost a decade and I’m not really expecting anything from this apart from proper closure. I just wanted you to know that I have always thought about what could have happened if I was a little bit more courageous, and that I don’t want to move on with the future with a tingling voice in the back of my head. I just wanted to tell you everything I wanted to say, even if all of them were probably not the ones you want to hear for a closure. You’re not obligated to say or do anything, I just wanted to get this off of my chest. For my own peace of mind. You don’t have to answer immediately. You don’t even have to answer at all, that probably tells me enough. I can live with enough.”

“Enough is not fit for someone as ambitious as you,” Seungmin laughed. “You deserve way more than enough. I know that, you know that.”

“No one deserves anything.”

“Are you saying you don’t deserve an answer right now?”

“I hate you.”

“You don’t,” Seungmin shrugged. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll ask you one thing, and I need you to be a hundred and one percent sure of your answer.”

“Deal.”

“Does the future matter more than the past to you?”

Changbin held his breath, not giving an immediate answer. Thoughts were running to his head louder than the waves crashing at the shore, they were more chaotic and frantic. Seungmin was looking at him from his side, yet he couldn’t bother to look back. He did not trust his voice yet. He did not trust himself yet.

“You’re a dreamer, Changbin. You shouldn’t be taking that long to answer.”

“My future will only matter if it comes hand in hand with you.”

Seungmin smiled.

Changbin’s comeback was successful.

The last day of his promotions were today. The company just posted a photo of Changbin with all his dancers backstage, and they were all celebrating by giving out food for the staff in a decorated room.

It was already 9 in the night, and all the staff had devoured their meals. Changbin was seated quietly at a corner, typing in a long message to post in his fancafe, together with a couple of selfies. Once satisfied, he reread his caption again just to make sure there were no typographical errors, and settled his phone down.

Some of the staff and dancers were already bowing and bidding their goodbyes to everyone, leaving the room one by one. Soon enough, the director of his music video came up to him and poked his shoulder, giving his phone to the idol.

“Take a photo of me.”

Changbin laughed briefly and received the phone in his hands, the phone already having its camera app open. Seungmin dragged him towards the decorated wall of the room and posed, the older man snapping a few photos here and there.

“I look cool,” Seungmin commented as he looked at his phone in Changbin's hand, slinging an arm on his waist on the way.

“Yeah, you look cool.” Changbin responded, shifting his vision from the screen to the younger man. “Do you feel like creating chaos on purpose tonight?”

[비니비니♡] Message is here!

The sky today looked really pretty and bright, don’t you think?



My sky looks really pretty and bright.

Changbin was known for a lot of things.

Perhaps being known as “Seungmin’s Changbin” was his favorite.