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There were many things that Jeon Jeongguk was sure about. He was sure about how to make things work, how to tinker with something just right so that the maximum utility can be derived from the small things in life. He was sure about his looks, the wide eyed innocence that had the masses flocking towards him, the nose scrunch when he laughed, endearing everyone in the vicinity. He was more than sure about his driving skills, never getting a ticket or a warning in his life, always the model citizen.
Jeongguk didn't have much to be insecure about. But that was before Park Jimin.
Before the dancer jetéd his way into the idol's life, Jeongguk had a strong sense of his strong points, of what made him him. There's a distinction in his life between before and after Jimin. Some days the two periods bleed into each other and it seems like the two realities are one in the same despite being vastly different. Because really, how can one compare the dreary, mundane existence of life to the vibrant and melodious symphonies that accompany Jimin's presence?
Loving him is hues of yellow splattered across cheeks, overalls sullied by the radiant colour, rivalling the blinding golden of the man's hair. It's the warmth of his hugs on nights when Jeongguk's anxieties get the worst of him and only his boyfriend can make them disappear. It's the fairy toast he makes on anniversaries, sprinkling sugar over the butter melting on the warm toasted bread. It's the way he smiles with his whole body, lighting up and puffing up his cheeks, visibility slim to none. Loving Jimin is the first insecurity Jeongguk encounters.
It was a sunny day when Jeongguk ended up with an armful of Jimin.
He had a gruelling day in the studio, recording his lines over and over again, attempting to get the perfect sound but coming up short. Frustrated, he asked the producer he was working with to stop after another 5 minutes. Jeongguk ended up spending another 15 minutes in the studio before his vocal chords were near pleading with him to take a break.
Armed with his duffle bag full of a change of clothes and a water bottle, he open the door to the practice room only to have a mass of black bounding towards him with wide alarm. As if on autopilot, Jeongguk drops his bag and catches the smaller male in his arms. The male had let out a gasp the moment that Jeongguk's arms had wrapped around him, the muscles flexing against his ribs.
"Are you okay?" The dancer blinks, as if he didn't comprehend the words that came out of Jeongguk's mouth. The idol was about to ask again, when he got a reply.
"I should be asking you that," the smaller male whispers, wincing at his own shyness. "Uh, you can um..." he points to Jeongguk's arms wrapped around his midsection. Looking down, the idol realizes he's still holding the dancer to his body.
"My apologies," he laughs embarrassedly, putting the man down. "I'm Jeon Jeongguk, I'm one of the company idols." He bows slightly in the dancer's direction.
"Park Jimin, I'm the new choreographer." The male bows back to Jeongguk before righting himself.
"Ah, so you're the man replacing my previous mentor. Shame, I would have taken you out otherwise." Jeongguk teases, rolling up his sleeves and tugging his hair tie into his dark tresses.
"Why?" Jimin purrs, hand on the idol's chest, "am I your type?"
Jeongguk roams his eyes over the dancer's figure, as if he hadn't already committed each feature to memory. "You have no idea." The elder's eyes crinkle adorably as he laughs, gently pushing the younger away.
So begins their flirting. The subtle touches, coquettish grins, speech riddled with innuendos. Jimin keeps the younger engaged with his push and pull, the subtlety of his attraction to the younger.
It wasn’t a surprise that between the lines of harmless flirting, Jeongguk found himself attracted to the man. However, with the attraction came his first insecurity. He found himself lying awake in his bed, wondering if Jimin was looking for something serious or if he was just someone the dancer was using to pass time.
He attempts to distance himself, but like magnets, they were drawn to each other. Wherever Jeongguk turned, Park Jimin seemed to be there, engrossed with his own tasks and unaware of the adoring eyes on him.
Jeongguk is alone in his studio writing another trashy break up song (Taehyung’s words, not his) about the dancer who pranced into his life and past him. He made analogies with night and day, with stars and the moon, anything that made a slight semblance of sense in his mind. That’s when his door swings open.
There, in the entry is the object of his desires, hands on his hips as he glares at Jeongguk with pursed lips. An adorable chickie, Jeongguk thinks mournfully.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” Jimin pouts, walking further into the studio, door closing behind him. Jeongguk takes off his headphones and looks at Jimin. The elder makes himself at home on the couch that Jeongguk usually keeps for Taehyung and his boyfriend.
“Have I? I just thought that our schedules didn’t align.” Gguk feigns upset. It was something that does not go unnoticed by Jimin who raises a brow and crosses his arms and legs.
“Is that so? The fact that I see you physically turn away every time I see you in the hallway is our schedules not aligning? What an interesting turn of phrase.” Jimin exclaims sarcastically. “Be straight with me Jeongguk, I’m a big boy, I can handle rejection.”
Jeongguk gapes, “rejection? Why on earth would I do that when I’m quite enamoured by you?” The younger asks, not quite grasping what was happening.
“Are you? I flirt with you and get no substantive response back, nothing that tells me how interested you are. If my flirting was mildly spicy, yours was lukewarm at best.” Jimin admits, not one to shy away from saying the honest truth. “I’m not in the business of playing games with anyone, so tell me right now Jeongguk-ssi, are you interested in me?”
The younger flounders for a reply. He thought that throughout their flirtationship that he had made it clear how much he wanted Jimin, but the latter is telling him that he is wholly unaware of Jeongguk’s attraction to him.
“I...I didn’t realize that my flirting is not what you expected. I thought that my intentions were coming across loud and clear and that you were playing me.” Jeongguk pauses, “I see that we had both misinterpreted the other.”
Jimin flushes before hiding his face in his hands, a groan emitting from behind the flesh walls.
“Seokjin was right, I really am too presumptuous for my own good. He told me that you were interested, that anyone with two eyes could tell, but you see I’m not always the best judge of character and I just wanted to be sure. You’re exactly my type and honestly I think I should have been straightforward from the start.” Jimin blurts out, talking insanely fast that Jeongguk almost asked him if he doubled as a rapper.
“Hey, it’s okay, I got insecure as well because I’m not used to people being flirty for too long. It makes me think that they aren’t looking for something serious. I’m starting to realize that it is a measure of someone’s interests for you. I apologize, I am quite forward when it comes to romance.” For the first time since Jimin entered the room, the male smiles. He’d uncovered his face as Jeongguk was talking and smiled when the younger admitted that he was a very straightforward lover.
“That works fine with me. I prefer someone who is straight with me rather than makes me guess. I will work on myself to give you that same experience, but I am quite dramatic and a hopeless romantic, so I may not always be as articulate with my emotions as I should be. I apologize, I am working on it though.” The elder cautions the idol. Jeongguk can’t seem to keep the smile off his face as he tells Jimin that it’s fine.
They’ll learn and grow together.
Jeongguk basks in the hues of yellow that is loving Jimin. Bathes in the warmth that he provides when he’s in the best of moods, adorning Jeongguk with love and affection. When the cloud of insecurity blocks the sun from heating Jeongguk’s person, Jimin is there to reassure him and hold his hand through whatever their issue might be in the moment.
Loving Jimin is yellow.
Jimin is Jeongguk’s yellow.
His everything.