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There was an ache in her chest that wouldn’t dissipate.
Jotaro had gone to bed half an hour ago, leaving her in the living room with tear-stained cheeks over a fight that truly, shouldn’t have happened. She was stressed, and so was he after they both had clocked in long hours at work. Their fight was dumb, nothing important enough to have argued harshly over; someone forgot to run the dishwasher, someone else forgot to do the laundry yesterday.
She snapped first because her day was long and she was on her last nerve. Jotaro had matched her energy with a fierceness she rarely saw directed at her, though he had sounded more exhausted than anything else. She hated fighting because it reminded her too much of home and of the days she spent walking on eggshells around her family, and fighting with Jotaro felt worse somehow.
So, here she was, letting Jotaro fall asleep first so she could climb in bed later and avoid sparking another petty argument. All she wanted was a hug, really, and for him to tell her that the stress she was feeling would pass.
Her head begins to pound not long after she stops crying. Usually, Jotaro would have brought her pain medication, coaxed her to bed, and kept her close to him until she fell asleep and forgot all about whatever was bothering her. She feels that same bruising ache again nestled too close to her heart as she thinks of him.
The bedroom is quiet when she tiptoes inside, Jotaro looks to be asleep, though she can’t really be sure in the dark. His body gently rises and falls with even breathing, and his hat is on his bedside table. She bites her lip against the urge to cry when she comes closer, and notices he fell asleep with his back facing her side of the bed. Every other night Jotaro slept on his back, and she slept curled into his side, fingers around his warm skin and cheek pressed to his hard chest.
Nevertheless, she climbs into bed, careful not to squeak the mattress as she settles onto her pillow. Jotaro doesn’t move, even when she tucks their sheets around his side and tugs the blanket over her body. She wants so badly to reach out and brush her hands against his bicep, to pepper his skin with soft kisses as she always did. Maybe he would turn around if she reached out, and regard her with that familiar gentleness in his gaze, and she could tell him she’s sorry, she’ll try harder, and that she loves him.
It’s been a long time since she had gone to bed without saying and hearing an ” I love you”. Sometimes she traced it across the thick scar tissue across Jotaro’s side, up to his ribcage, and around his stomach. He always said it back, either with featherlight fingers tracing letters across her back, or mumbled into her hair. Other times she said it right before she fell asleep, murmured against his chest and she felt more than heard his sleepy response.
It didn’t feel right to go to bed without at least saying it to his sleeping form, even if she was the only one who would hear it.
“I love you,” she says, voice breaking through the thick silence. She holds her breath, hoping for a response but only hearing Jotaro’s soft breathing. “And… I’m sorry”
She turns on her side, sighing and closing her eyes. Her soft pillow doesn’t quite feel the same way as Jotaro does. She promises that she’ll wake up before his alarm, and apologize in the morning. Jotaro didn’t really do verbal apologies, but he did kisses, an extra half an hour in bed for cuddles, flowers sent to her desk that he only acknowledged with a smile and a notecard.
She knows it was just another argument one more to kiss and makeup over, but her mind races, wondering if she had pushed him away. If only she had talked to him instead of snapping at him earlier this evening, perhaps she wouldn’t feel like her chest was caving in on itself.
She supposes it’s too late to fix now, and she’s better off talking in the morning than waking Jotaro up now, even if it means she won’t sleep tonight.
She doesn’t anticipate feeling Jotaro’s arms wrap around her waist and pull her flush against him. She flinches, surprised but happy to find that he is pleasantly warm when he buries his face in her neck. Her fingers lace with his for a moment, and his arms settle around her middle.
“You weren’t asleep,” she whispers. She can already feel herself becoming drowsy just from being surrounded by his warmth and the smell of his expensive aftershave.
“I love you too,” Jotaro says, squeezing her side as he says it. He leans over her and presses a kiss on her forehead. “I just thought I should say it back.”
“Are you still mad at me?” she asks. Her voice comes out timid, more vulnerable than she would have liked it to be.
“I was never mad at you, it’s been a long week. I’m just tired,” Jotaro sighs, and he sounds exhausted, half yawning through his sentence. “And so are you, get some sleep.”
“I couldn't sleep without you,” she says. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I'm right here, you’re not gonna lose me over the dishwasher,” Jotaro mumbles, halfway asleep by the sound of his voice. His lips kiss her neck softly, barely there, it’s just a brush against her skin but she feels it just as strongly.
“I'm sorry again,” she blurts out. “I don't wanna fight with you over chores, I overreacted.”
“It's alright, it’s alright,” Jotaro says soothingly. She’s relieved that he doesn’t sound irritated with her in the slightest bit. “We’re okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Good grief, of course, I’m sure about it, relax,” Jotaro insists.
She sighs. She wants to kiss him but settles for pressing her lips to his arm instead of his lips. She’ll kiss him properly in the morning before he’s off to the lab. But for now, this is perfect, enough for her to slip off into dreams.