Work Text:
“Three, two, one…” the brunette mouthed, stealing a glance at his wrist watch, as he finally removed the handkerchief that was covering the younger’s eyes.
“Surprise! Happy birthday!” he beamed, as he took a step on the side to get a better view of Yanjun. The latter meanwhile had his mouth gaping at the sight. At his feet was laying a picnic towel that was full of every type of snacks; sandwiches, ramen, chips, soft drinks and even a cake. Yanjun noticed how the icing was not compact and how the “Happy Birthday Lin Yanjun” was a bit smudged but he found it adorable nonetheless.
“Wow… I… I don’t know what to say,” he whispered, the side of his lips twitching to form a soft grin.
“It’s okay, save the words for later. Let’s eat first, I know you’re hungry.” Zhengting eagerly pulled Yanjun’s arm to take a seat, earning a chuckle from the latter who was inevitably staring at him with a tender gaze.
“Are you sure we don’t have guests? This looks enough to feed an entire army,” the younger teased while the brunette was busy pouring hot water from a flask to their cup of instant noodles.
“No, this feast is only for you.” Zhengting lifted his head and smiled. Yanjun could swear his heart melted in that instant. Whether it was because of what the brunette said or his smile, the raven-haired was unaware but he loved it either way.
“So, are you not eating?” he added, biting his bottom lip to refrain a chuckle as he noticed Zhengting suddenly freezing. As much as he adored the guy, he must admit that he adored teasing him even more; it was Yanjun’s love language after all, and Zhenting was also aware of that.
“I mean, what if you end up in a food coma? We can’t let that happen right? So I’ll be a good boyfriend and help you finish this.” The brunette nodded, proud of his statement.
Yanjun couldn’t help but grin and shake his head in response. It was in moment like this that he forgot that Zhengting was older than him, especially when he behaved like a kid. But then again, it’s not like Yanjun ever complained or had any intention of complaining; after all he adored every side of his lover.
“Have I ever told you that I’m very grateful to be your boyfriend? To have met you and just overall have you in my life?” Yanjun blurted out, his eyes never leaving Zhengting’s face as he admired the latter’s features.
“Yeah I think plenty of times and you’re welcome.” Zhengting winked at his boyfriend, snickering, fully aware that he just ruined Yanjun’s attempt of being sappy. However the latter stayed unbothered and kept his serious expression as he replied, “Well, then I will repeat it again.”
Yanjun clasped both of the brunette’s hands, forcing him to let go of the sandwich he was holding, and pulled them towards his lips to leave a delicate peck. “I’m very grateful." He paused, eyes trained on his partner's slim fingers. "Even honored may I add, that I crossed your path that day. What a relief that I woke up late and took the wrong bus and tripped down the stairs of the subway," Yanjun trailed off, a playful grin grazing his features for a second as he recalled the event. "‘Cause otherwise I would’ve never met you. And I would’ve been so fucking lost without you. Thank God," he mumbled, tightening the grip on the younger's hands and caressing it with his lips once again.
When he finally lifted his eyes, he was greeted by Zhengting's loving expression, a warm smile curving his lips and his gorgeous coffee orbs glowing like a firefly; so soft yet so distinct. That stare, that damn stare was so damn powerful. No matter how many times Yanjun saw it, it would always knock the oxygen out of his lungs. But that was love right? It was supposed to feel like that, it was supposed to feel like fire, burning you and warming you up at the same time. And he could never get enough of it.
“I know Yanjun and I too am grateful to have you. I too am honored to have met you and crossed paths with you. But you shouldn’t depend too much on me, yeah?" Zhengting looked directly in Yanjun's eyes as he placed one of his palms on the younger's cheek, the other hand still intertwined with the latter's hands. "‘Cause exactly like you said, you’d be lost without me." He smiled, eyes softening even more. "But I know. I know, that you’re an awesome and strong person. I know you can easily go through hell and back.With or without me." This time both of the brunette's hands were holding Yanjun's face. "So, yes Yanjun. Love me and I’ll love you back with all my heart and energy. But don’t forget about yourself.”
The moment Zhengting pronounced the last word of his sentence, his figure started fading, resembling a reflection breaking on the surface of the water. The latter didn’t even have the time to react as he suddenly felt a sudden pressure on his chest and his vision went black.
Yanjun started coughing as he attempted to open his eyes, but he was instantly forced to shut them when he felt a sharp and throbbing pain in his head.The raven-haired groaned as he struggled to regain his lucidity.
Then, he massaged his forehead and tried fluttering his eyes open once again. It was dark around him, the dim light of a lampshade sitting on his night table being the only source of illumination. As he scanned his surroundings he noticed all the stuff scattered around; bottles of alcohol, shoes, clothes and even wrinkly paper bags from his take out orders. Some were on the floor and some on his bed, which was just as chaotic as his room.
When Yanjun's mind finally cleared up, he let himself fall back on his bed. So, it was all a dream. The umpteenth dream where he was happy with Zhengting, forgetting about how shitty his real life is.
“If you’re not planning to come back, stop visiting me,” he muttered, his voice groggy and croaked both from drinking and sleeping too much.
It’s already been nine months since Zhengting, his former lover, passed away due to a car accident. It was a rainy Saturday evening. The brunette was on his way to Yanjun’s house to spend the weekend together like they usually do. Everything was fine, until a kid -maybe around seven- suddenly crossed the street, which obviously made Zhengting's kind soul leap to save him. The driver did notice and tried to avoid the accident but since the road was slippery, the disaster was inevitable. While the kid ended up with minor injuries the brunette got the most damage as he took all the impact. The same moment Zhengting was laying on the cold concrete, whole body soaking in the rain and his own blood, chest frantically heaving up and down, fighting for his last breath, Yanjun was patiently waiting for him in his living room, a bowl full of salted popcorn and packs of the brunette’s favourite chips ready on the table, totally unaware that there would’ve been no Zhengting coming home that night, or any other night anymore.
After the first shock of knowing about the incident, Yanjun never showed any alerting sign of grief, he still went to work regularly; he couldn’t get the luxury of staying home as he needed to maintain himself. He appeared to be in that stage called denial. It still wasn’t sinking to him that Zhengting was really gone, his mind wasn’t registering it and his heart was refusing to acknowledge it. Until months later, when the older guy's absence became as distinct as ever, reality finally came crashing down hard on him. Finally, it hit him that his beloved Zhengting was really wiped out of his life and there was nothing he could do about it. It was from that moment onwards that he started building walls, making sure no one noticed so that no one would attempt to break them down. He made those invisible walls that only he could see, but they were there and they were harming him. During the day he would pretend that everything was fine, that his life was normal but once the moon rose up high in the sky he would crumble down like a sand castle being embraced by the ocean waves. Yanjun was aware that he was throwing his life away and he didn’t care anymore. Although, no matter how hard he hit the bottom, he still wasn't brave, or coward enough to end his suffering with his own hands. He would've lied if he said he never attempted anything, he did and multiple times. But he'd always fail as soon as Zhengting's or any member of his family's face appeared in his mind.
Yanjun's train of thoughts got interrupted by the sound of his doorbell. As he closed his eyes for a second, he grumbled a few swear words before getting up and heading towards the main door. He was too lazy to dress up; he will just come up with an excuse on his way to the door. As soon as the light coming from the hall hit his face, he squinted his eyes; he had been in the dark for too long.
“Happy birthday!” The raven-haired flinched as he was greeted by bursting confetti and someone’s loud voice. Right, he totally forgot, it was his birthday.
“Ting?” he whispered, eyes still adjusting to the brightness of the hall. For a second he thought he was seeing the grinning face of his dear boyfriend but it lasted only an instant as his vision finally cleared. The image of his lover got replaced by the smiling face of a ginger-head; he was holding a cake.
“Justin? What are you doing here?”
“Surprising you? Duh.”
“Hello. I’m here too. Happy birthday Yanjun-ge,” chimed in a voice from behind Justin. It was a guy with platinum silver hair. Yanjun sighed. He had no energy to deal with the two hyper-active dork duo.
“Chengcheng, yes, thank you, hi," Yanjun greeted back. "But, what are you guys doing here? Besides surprising me? I mean, shouldn’t you, I don’t know... Live your life? Or go out on dates or study for your exams like students do?” he blabbered.
“Well, we thought it would be nice to visit you at least on your birthday,” Justin replied, as he forced the cake in the older’s hold who almost dropped it. Taking advantage of the guy’s moment of distraction, Justin pushed through the raven-haired and entered his house uninvited, followed by Chengcheng who was holding a pair of balloons and a big paper bag, apparently Yanjun’s gift.
“Hey, hey! No wait! Don’t-Ugh.” Yanjun could only groan for the umpteenth time as he lowered his arm, before as he turned around and entered his apartment as well.
“Yeah, as you can see, I wasn’t expecting visitors so it’s pretty messy,” he remarked as he saw the two already making themselves comfortable on his sofa, not really minding the mess of his house.
“Ah, no worries. It’s not that different from Chengcheng’s room. It’s okay. I'm used to-” Justin hissed as his friend -rightfully- elbowed him. “What? I'm just saying the truth,” Justin grimaced while massaging the part where Chengcheng hit him. The latter just glared at him before returning his attention to Yanjun.
“Anyway, Ge. How are you? Are you going out with your friends tonight? Or something?” the silver-haired asked, although it was obvious that with Yanjun’s current state, he surely didn’t have any other plan.
“Uh… No? Maybe? Uhm… I’m quite busy lately so I don’t really have much time to spend with other people.” Yanjun stuttered, avoiding his -unwanted- guests' eyes. The older didn't receive any response as the two kept silent while staring at him, their expression unreadable. Yanjun couldn't help but switch in his position uncomfortably, neck and cheeks heating up as he suddenly became very conscious under the Justin and Chengcheng's scrutiny. With his hair going in every direction, his crumpled, old and stained white shirt, eyebags as dark and round as bowling balls, his neglected skin and his apartment looking like a junkyard, Yanjun wondered if the two guys found him ridiculous; because he did.
“All right then, that means we’ll have you all for ourselves.” Justin broke the silence as he shrugged. Then he put down his backpack and started pulling out who knows what.
“Wait, what… Don’t you guys have classes tomorrow?” Yanjun stammered, almost dropping the cake once again. Thankfully Chengcheng noticed and eventually came to his rescue.
“Not really since tomorrow is Sunday,” Chengcheng answered as he headed towards Yanjun’s kitchen.
“Uh. Then. Don’t you-”
“Ssshh, don’t worry I’ll go easy on you,” Justin was quick to cut him off, a hint of sass glacing his tone as he started piling up the Jenga bricks.
“It’s not that... It's just..." Yanjun struggled to find plausible excuses, so he just gave up, again. It was evident that he would've never won against the two. "Ugh, fine.”
Yanjun would’ve never admitted it but he actually had fun, despite being two pains in the ass, Justin and Chengcheng were nice to have around. Even if Yanjun has become really awful at socializing the two still managed to involve him in their shenanigans. For an instant, Yanjun was able to get his mind off his sorrow and actually enjoyed himself. He was very glad and grateful.
It was already past midnight when the two finally passed out on Yanjun’s rug after their hundredth match with Uno. Yes, Justin literally brought every table game known to mankind.
Yanjun stood up from his seat to take a couple of blankets and pillows in his room. Since it’s been a while from the last time he did the laundry it took him ages to find a pair of clean blankets. And by the time he returned in the living room he noticed that Chengcheng wasn't there anymore; he probably went to the bathroom. The raven-haired crouched down beside Justin to cover him with one of the blankets and left the other one on his side with some extra pillows. He then took a moment to stare at the guy peacefully sleeping, a small grin growing on his face as he softly patted the younger's head. Then he stood up and headed back to his room.
“Yanjun-ge.”
Yanjun almost shitted his pants when Chengcheng spoke from behind him.
“Yes, Chengcheng. Do you need something?” he asked, acting like he didn't almost had a heart attack.
“Happy birthday once again Ge. I know you miss Zhengting-Ge, we all do. But he wouldn’t be happy to see you like this. Goodnight.” The silver-haired smiled sweetly at his Ge, before he turned around to return to the living room, Yanjun froze in his position.
“Also, please don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not alone. You don’t have to go through all of that alone.” Chengcheng continued as he looked back, an encouraging and sympathetic grin painted on his face, before he completely walked away. And for a second, Yanjun was sure he saw Zhengting’s face smiling at him once again.
Yanjun nodded, pulling one corner of his lips as well as the tears welling up in his eyes glided down his cheeks.
“I really need to let go, right? That’s what you’re trying to tell me," he whispered, as he felt a lump forming in his throat but he swallowed it and wiped his tears. "So I will. It will be hard, but I will. Thank you again, Ting." Yanjun closed his eyes. "And, I love you. Always.”