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Linda sat across from Lucifer and started to gather her papers for her next session. "So, you headed off to the precinct?"
"Oh no. The Detective took a fall. She was hanging some photo frame and toppled her stepladder. Another reason to add to the list as to why family is a bad idea," Lucifer explained.
"We're not keeping a list."
"How are we not keeping a list?" Lucifer was baffled.
Linda decided it wasn't worth acknowledging. "Are you going to see her?"
"For what?"
Linda blinked. "To be a good friend. Check in with her. Maybe bring her something she could use?"
Lucifer considered the suggestion. He straightened his jacket as he stood up, determined to try this out. "Helpful as always. I think I got it. I'll bring her pain medicine."
"I'm not writing you a prescription," Linda insisted.
"Don't need you too," Lucifer said halfway out the door.
Chloe laid in her bed snuggled under her comforter and a blanket on top, with her left ankle resting on some pillows under the blankets. She heard the front door open but assumed it was Maze. She was wrong.
"Detective, no worries, Lucifer's here," he yelled as he came into her bedroom. He was holding a plastic bag and a bottle of gummy vitamins. "I bought you some get well drugs but it seems like you have some edibles already."
Chloe took a moment to get her mouth together. "Those are Trixie's vitamins, not edibles!" She shook her head. "And what are you doing here?"
Lucifer tossed the non-cannabis gummies aside and went over to her bed. He pulled out a bottle of liquid. "You're unwell. I'm not working on a case because you're not. I brought you some of this cough medicine with vicodin, it's not a favorite of mine but for you it'll probably be fine."
"I hurt my ankle, I don't have the flu."
"Did you not catch the vicodin part?" he asked. Then he pulled out a bottle of pills. "I brought some codeine and definitely real edible gummies and before you get all Cop on me, I had this stuff in my penthouse regardless of you being sick, I didn't obtain them in your name."
"Yeeeaaah," Chloe said, dryly. "Great. I appreciate you helping, I do. Maze already offered to get me pot, I don't need her too, I don't need either of you to. I didn't break anything. Trixie's staying with Dan, I'm gonna take a few days to stay off it and I'll be back to work."
"Too bad, I'm here to play sexy nurse." Lucifer wiggled his eyebrows. "Or we could play doctor."
"I'm fine."
Lucifer sighed and looked at the TV. "So you're just laying here watching… what's this? People have gotten all their crap together and see if they can fill a house?" He gaped at the mess on the screen.
Chloe looked a little embarrassed about her TV viewing habit. "Oh. Um. No. This is Hoarders, it's people or a person who never throws anything away but someone in their life stages something of an intervention to get the place together."
Lucifer took in the sight. "They have a record player in the shower?" He removed his jacket, hopped over Chloe and took the spot on her other side on the bed, helping himself to the top blanket but didn't go under the comforter. "I've seen wars that were easier wrecks to look away from."
"Right," Chloe rolled her eyes. Then she sneezed. Lucifer held out the cough medicine bottle again. "It's just allergies."
"I hope you don't make me vulnerable to allergies," Lucifer muttered.
Again Chloe rolled her eyes. "It's not possible to make someone vulnerable to allergies and I'm not forcing you to invite yourself into bed with me."
"Well, first time for everything. Women usually beg me to get into bed, this I'm doing as a courtesy. You need the company. Oh, there's no way that kitchen is coming clean. Do they ever just set these places on fire? It's what I'd do."
"I don't watch it all the time," Chloe said. "But I don't think they'd air arson. We can watch something else."
"No, I have to see this." The Devil was used to the depths of Hell, but the depths of Hoarding was new, disgusting, and he had to see it. "There are cleaning services you can pay in sexual favors, there's no need for this. How can he be unable to toss out food wrappers?!" Lucifer pushed Chloe forward, fluffed her pillow, and put her back. He'd seen pillow fluffing in both porn and non-porn movies.
Chloe was mildly thrown by Lucifer's gesture. "Thanks. And some people develop the problem after a loss."
"Did you start having emotional ties to Big Mac wrappers after your Dad died?"
"No. I said some people. I became a cop."
"I pegged you more of a Law and Order fan."
"Pffft," Chloe dismissed. "TV detectives, please. Their cases usually end way too conveniently and if I broke procedure nearly as much as they did my ass would be out the door. And don't get me started on the cliche wacky partnership shows."
"Still, the sex crimes one, I watch that program sometimes now that I'm a valued member of a police department. I like attractive female detectives who don't back down from dirtbags, don't know if you know that about me."
"Lucifer, I'm letting you lay in bed with me, don't push it."
"So then I can't ask if you need help in the shower?" Lucifer asked, but moved on immediately. "Does that man sleep on that pile of clothes on the bed?" Lucifer pointed back to the TV. He took two of the edibles out of his bag for himself. "You sure you don't want?"
"Unreal." Chloe shook her head.
Once Hoarders was over, and Lucifer forced a pillow fluff again, Chloe figured since she was already down the rabbit hole of letting Lucifer experience her enjoyment of train wreck TV, she put 90 Day Fiance on the DVR, but she cut it off half way.
"Wait, what are you doing?!" Lucifer asked. "Jorge is never going to be able to afford the kinds of places this Anfisa wants and trust me when I say she could be capable of eating him alive."
Chloe suppressed her amusement. "I told you my Mom has a recurring role on General Hospital and since I'm home I want to catch it live. She calls to see if I watch it recorded and she knows I'm home today so who knows when she'll call."
"But we can finish after?" Lucifer asked. "And would you be terribly upset if I submitted your Douche Ex-Half for this?
"Yes to the first, I'll kill you to the second."
"They watched General Hospital and towards the end of the hour Lucifer was confused. "Didn't you call this General Hospital? There's no hospital, it's a mafia. It's false advertising." Lucifer's interest was peaked when suddenly Penelope's character started to have sex scene in the middle of a living room. "Alright Mama Decker! Detective, that bloke's younger than you!"
Chloe covered her eyes. "She didn't warn me. She's supposed to warn me," Chloe complained.
"Ah, not great being the disgruntled child in our partnership for a change, is it?" Lucifer chided with delight. "Does she get work done? Or will you age naturally like that? How often does this come on, I may have to start watching."
Chloe almost regretted not taking Lucifer's cannabis offer. "I used to watch this with her when I was young and home from school, sometimes with my Grandma, I think it's ruined."
"Cheer up, Detective. It's not quite dinner time but if you're feeling peckish I'll fire up the waffle iron."
"Really?" Chloe suddenly remembered why she put up with him. He was a mess but he tried to be less of a mess for her.
"Sure, I said I'm here to take care of you." Lucifer's gesture was slightly undercut by the fact that he took another edible.
Penelope called as Lucifer made the waffles and the waffles being ready were a great excuse to cut the conversation short as Penelope was going into detail about an upcoming shower scene.
"When did you learn how to make waffles? It doesn't seem like something you'd do," Chloe asked after she and Lucifer ate the waffles in bed and he cleared the plates.
"It's strange, Detective, I don't actually know how I know how to cook."
"That's… very strange."
"Maze is great with a waffle iron, just not to cook with it."
Chloe slowly nodded. "I'm not really sure what to say to that."
Lucifer remembered something Chloe said earlier. "So, you have a Grandmother?"
"I did, she died. But yeah, I used to spend a lot of time with her in the summer, we'd watch Soap Operas and she'd teach me how to knit and crochet."
"You knit and crochet?" Lucifer was surprised.
"I'm not great at it, but, yeah. She mostly taught me hats and scarves, y'know, all the things you really need in SoCal," she answered with some sarcasm, "I never have time anymore to make something like a blanket, but I did make Trixie one when I was pregnant."
"Well, the Devil could always use socks." Lucifer had an idea. He was also caught browsing something on his phone.
Chloe leaned over. "Are you looking up how to submit someone to 90 Day Fiance?!"
Lucifer shrugged. "You didn't say I couldn't submit the Detective Douche; you said you'd kill me if I did. Some things, Detective, are worth dying for."
Chloe and Lucifer were interrupted by Maze. "DECKER?!" Maze yelled. "YOU SLEEPING?"
"If I had been that would have woken me up," Chloe answered.
Maze came into the bedroom with bottles of wine. "Damndest thing, I actually don't like the idea of you being in pain and you turned down my earlier offer so I got you some wine."
"That might be the damnedest thing," Lucifer commented. "Detective, you really should have a drink. You look pained. We can all have some wine."
Lucifer moved Chloe over and Maze squeezed in the bed on the other side of Chloe. And that is how Chloe Decker ended up drinking wine in bed with Maze and Lucifer.
The next day, much to Chloe's shock, Maze came in her room with at least fifty skeins of yarn in various colors but mostly reds, that had been delivered with a note that read: Taking care of something at LUX and have a session with Linda, this should keep you busy until I can come by. If the Urchin has a blanket, I'd like one too but I'd settle for the socks. Remember I left the drugs in your night table, take as much as you need - Nurse Lucifer
There was no way Chloe could make an entire blanket in an afternoon, but she ended up starting one for him anyway. She'd manage to find the time to finish it. /Lucifer is definitely 'Blanket Worthy'/, Chloe thought, to paraphrase a show she used to watch with her father.
A/N: Thanks for reading this one-shot, I hope everyone enjoyed it.
'Blanket Worthy' is a reference to Elaine rating men as Sponge Worthy in Seinfeld.