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Films, and photographs are all about the stuck memories inside a piece of plastic or small elastic paper that has its meaning in all angles where it was took. Frame by frame, wherein they were displayed inside the albums labeled as Happy Memories when after all these years, they'll eventually fade along their inks and turn to the saddest pictures a person have ever took in their life.
May or they may not say it, but pictures are fading but timelessly.
Like they were took from years ago, stuck inside the album, until their grandsons and grand daughters are there to sneak peek over the images of the dusty album placed on the highest shelf of the guy's work room. The material is fading, and what I meant when I said that pictures are fading timelessly;
I meant for the memories printed inside the films cannot be fade along the dusty grayish inks that Jihoon still owns.
"Dad, what's that?"
Jihoon gazed back to his son, Choihyun, pointing at the trophy up above the old shelf inside the working room of Jihoon. It's the only trophy placed in the middle of the massive shelf, without a single trophy beside it, slowly losing its spark—that still caught his son's attention after seeing it for years of sneaking inside his father's work room.
"What is it?" He asked, trying to figure out what his son is trying to point at.
"That," Choihyun stood straight before undoubtedly pointing at the old trophy above the top shelf. "That old-looking trophy, Dad."
He watched his father's confused expression shifted to a happy one when he realized what his son was pointing at. Jihoon stood steadily before pointing at the trophy, smiling on the sliding glass.
"It's a trophy my band won when we participated in the battle of the bands back in college," the older man slid the glass before reaching for the trophy in his most cautious actions. "It's been... 12 years? I think?"
"Really? You played with a band before, Dad?" Jihoon chuckled when he heard some anticipation from his son while his eyes are narrowed down to the trophy when Jihoon sat on the couch of the room.
Jihoon nods, "Yes. With your uncles, do you want me to show you our college pics? You'd definitely be thankful you got your face from me."
The younger boy rolled his eyes at his father before nodding tiredly. "Yeah-yeah, right, Dad. Show me already, what instrument did you play, anyway? I bet you didn't play at all."
"Yah! I'm an exceptional drummer back then! Wait, I'll let you see what you missed."
"Of course, I'm gonna missed that. I'm twelve, dad."
"I don't know if I should be thankful that you got your attitude from me or what but you'll see what I'm capable of doing, kid. You know the drumsticks placed in the drawer at the attic?" He thumb-pointed upward pertaining to the location of the attic, proudly smiling. "They're mine. I used them when we compete—no, when we used to play and jam."
Jihoon tiptoed and snatch the picture frame placed on the same shelf, dusty and faded. It's a photo strip his band took when they get to compete in the competition. He couldn't help but to smile when he realized that it's been years since he had a reunion with them, they're all busy anyway.
"These guys," he let Choihyun take the frame before smiling. "Are the guys who played with me back in that competition."
The boy left his mouth hang open when he saw how young his uncles are. He covered his mouth when he saw his Uncle Junkyu wearing a not-so-good bandana while smiling on the camera, "Uncle Kyu looked so different here. He looked like he'd pluck his fingers on your forehead and won't even be satisfied. But now? He looks like he's ready to cry when he burned the meat Uncle Mashi marinated."
Jihoon laughed loudly along with his son and agrees. He pointed on the other smaller person on the photo with his brow rose. "That's Mashiho. He looked like he could kill you, but he could, actually."
"Did they change personalities with Uncle Kyu?"
"No, they're just idiots that happened to spent most of their time with each other."
Choihyun squints his eyes and smiled when he saw his favorite uncle wearing a black leather jacket, loose shirt and smiling while he has his thumbs up pose. "This is Uncle Yoshi, right?"
"Yep," the older man nods before taking off his eyes on the photo and analyzing the trophy on his hand. "He played the bass, and composed our piece."
Choihyun tilted his head before analyzing the picture when he saw an unfamiliar face, a figure wearing a faded denim jacket, eye smiling, while holding the trophy of 2nd place. As if despite being titled as the second didn't bother him because he's smiling so genuinely.
His father got curious with his son's sudden pause before asking, "Why?"
"Who is he, Dad?"
A finger pointing on a figure wearing a beaming smile, holding their trophy proudly with a hand over his shoulder, and it was Jihoon's.
"You looked so close, Dad," shifting his gaze to his father to the picture where a younger Jihoon can be seen. "I guess I haven't met him."
Once his eyes got back on Jihoon's face, his dad's expression changed while staring at the man on the picture beside him. Choihyun got confused. "Dad?"
"He's..."
The statement that were mentioned earlier suited the scene of him remembering a lot of things with just one picture. That pictures are timelessly timeless. Fading materials aren't equal with the memories that were captured is fading as well.
That images are what takes us to the memories that only a piece of paper captured, and Jihoon failed to stay in forever.
He can still remember the time before the battle of the bands, inside their studio who they rented for a week; alone with a guy wearing his favorite denim jacket while leaning against the wall, laughing.
"Look, I don't know what you're talking about, Jihoon-ah. But why the fuck would you vandalize the faculty room with your number? You're so dumb, oh my goodness!" Crying while loudly let his laughs swamp the silence of the soundproof room. Jihoon just mentally face-palmed before sighing.
"Yah! Hyung! You said I should try something out. There! I tried getting out of the box, and do something sounded so rebellious, you know?" A pout visible on his lips, Jihoon crosses his arms after playing with his drumsticks for seconds. His words made Hyunsuk laugh even more.
"I told you to do something out of your league like studying for a quiz bee, not to do something idiotic, Jihoon. I bet you didn't even thought about the fact that the dean has our numbers on our records. You should really pray for your records, Ji." Strumming his electric guitar subtly, Hyunsuk stopped laughing and turned his eyes to Jihoon's doe ones.
"I just want you to get out of the box before we perform, y'know. You're so stiff when we play in front of a big crowd," Hyunsuk threw a bottle of water to Jihoon that the guy caught in an instant. He smiled at the younger guy before standing up steadily, tilting his head with his finger pointing at Jihoon.
"You need to learn how to enjoy playing in front of the crowd, Jihoon-ah."
Hyunsuk left the room with his habit of tucking his hair on the side without any goodbye.
Nevertheless, Jihoon would find himself smiling on the swaying door without any sign of a figure he memorized just as much as the beats of his drums.
"I'm not stiff because of the big crowd, hyung." Jihoon whispered to himself before recalling the times they went to their gigs, and a pair of eyes would always look after him while playing his electric guitar; smiling so heavenly pleasing in the drummer's eyes.
Crowds makes him nervous, maybe—
"Oh, wait! I forgot my backpack!"
—but Hyunsuk makes him fall in love.
That's two different things.
Days had passed, and their every night gigs lessen because of night practices for the battle of the bands. Junkyu, who's incharge with the keyboard, would always mess with the notes but he'd get it in a little while. Mashiho plays his electric guitar, and he mastered the notes perfectly so he'd just look after Junkyu's keyboard mess ups. Yoshi had his part memorized and aced, so he'd usually monitor their parts before and after their practice as a whole band.
And Hyunsuk? He always pay attention to Jihoon's drum techniques and gets all shock in every little thing the man does.
"You can do that? What? Do it again!" Hyunsuk's eyes narrowed down to his right where Jihoon is playing with his sticks. They're done for the night, and wants to rest for minutes before taking off. Jihoon laughed loudly when Hyunsuk's eyes widened while watching him spin the sticks in an average speed.
"That's an easy thing, hyung. Here, try it." Jihoon took Hyunsuk's palm, opening up before putting his drumstick while smiling at the guy.
"Look."
Jihoon reached for Hyunsuk's fingers, let them have the stick and slowly demonstrating the spinning part while chuckling. His eyes are on the stick, and not minding the cold hand on his grip. He enjoys teaching Hyunsuk a trick, but he doesn't see the way the guy's face heating up because of his sudden touch.
"I-I get it already, Jihoon-ah." Slowly taking his hand away from Jihoon's grip, Hyunsuk pursed his lips before not meeting the younger guy's eyes.
Jihoon tilted his head to the side, confused with the man's reaction. He laughed when he realized that Hyunsuk is blushing over something he know nothing about. "What's with that face, hyung? Are you trying to be a tomato or what?"
"Shut up, stupid."
"Make me." Good thing Jihoon watched a lot of dramas, and memorized the most romantic scenes he'd always wanted to try to tease Hyunsuk. He smirked to Hyunsuk's direction, confidently.
Only for Hyunsuk to reach for his drumsticks, brows raising as if he's waiting for Jihoon to challenge him. "I'll make you shut up by messing up with your set. Try me, Jihoon."
"Yah! That's cheating!"
They teased each other all night, not minding the stares from their confused bandmates. Their prying eyes left the sight before sighing, and Yoshi heard Junkyu's words while cleaning his keyboard with a smile creeping on his lips.
"We'll do good in the competition overtomorrow," Junkyu whispered to himself before tapping the brush he used to dust away his keyboard. He saw Yoshi looking at him curiously, but he just smiled at the guy before nodding. "We'll do good, Yoshi. Jihoon isn't nervous anymore. Look at him."
Yoshi watched the two guys laughing over the sudden bang of the drum enveloped the scene. He couldn't help but to nod and says,
"He's not nervous in the first place, anyway."
Jihoon just found a way to cope up with the nervousness through keeping the one that gives him that feeling; Hyunsuk.
The day before the competition, Jihoon and Hyunsuk decided to stay the night over the studio to check the sound system. Well, that's the only excuse Jihoon come up to be with Hyunsuk after weeks of practicing—because guess what?
"Jihoon-ah, if you ever feel nervous tomorrow, Hold my hand."
Because despite mastering every drums he had ever seen in his life, he'd always find Hyunsuk to have him teach him. Despite having the sharpest hearing in the team, he'd always scoot closer to Hyunsuk side to ask if he heard what note Mashiho sang. Despite playing a lot of times in front of the crowd, he'd still want Hyunsuk to watch after him while he plays his drums. Or despite being known for his cleanliness, he'd always ask for Hyunsuk's help to clean the studio just to stay behind.
In its shortest terms, he had lowered everything he have ever known for that one certain thing.
For that one person that wears mostly denim jackets everyday.
"Hyung, I'm not nervous. I think you're the one that is nervous," Jihoon took his hand while grinning when he felt how cold the guy's hand. "See? You're the one who's nervous."
Hyunsuk shrugs, and this time, he didn't take his hand from Jihoon's grip. "I'm not nervous at all."
"Then why is—"
"I'm excited, Jihoon-ah. I can feel my heart is preparing to explode tomorrow right on the stage," the smaller guy gestures an exploding thing while chuckling. Jihoon watched him, hand playing Hyunsuk's.
"I'm happy I could still play for everyone."
Jihoon couldn't help but to trail his eyes on Hyunsuk's features while pressing the man's palm to warm the other hand.
Hyunsuk smiled at his blue electric guitar, eyes sparkling in happiness.
For Jihoon, it's another sight to compare with the stars around them, once again.
"Because I don't think I can be anything other than being a musician," Hyunsuk finally gazed to the man beside him, eyes admiring the younger man. "That's why as long as I can, I'd want to showcase my work as a musician and make the crowd remember me as if they'd want for more of me. For more from me, and my music. You know?"
"We're all gonna die. No one's gonna remember us, but anyone can acknowledge us in seconds or even minutes. I want people to realize that living once is a blessing in disguise,"
Jihoon knew he'd have those words stuck in his mind forever.
"That in a limited time, we can have the rest of the world for us. In that one life, there will always be that one moment you'd feel like you're the only thing that mattered, and will always matter."
Hyunsuk met Jihoon's eyes with his lips forming a proud smile as if it was a facade of something Jihoon didn't know.
"Because there will always be a place for you to shine in that one life."
The smaller guy pointed at the massive picture of the crowds jumping around while on a concert; Hyunsuk smiled.
"That's our place to shine."
Blinding lights illuminating the whole stage. Well-renovated stage from the last year's battle of the bands. Crowds that consists of seniors, sophomores, and freshmen students of the university cheering loudly while limiting themselves on the fences. The loud banging of the drums of the other teams. Red massive curtain hiding the nervous faces of the other bands. The spotlight in the middle of the tussock-colored base:
That's their place to shine, Hyunsuk said.
"Let's just enjoy," Yoshi smiled at his bandmates before nodding. "I know you're waiting for me to say this, so yeah,"
"Let's play well, and enjoy the moment."
Junkyu jumps around when Yoshi said his line. Mashiho laughed when Yoshi rolled his eyes, shy about the words he had said. While Jihoon plays with his sticks apprehensively, trying to laugh with Yoshi's statement. And that didn't go unnoticed by the man wearing his all-time favorite lucky denim jacket.
So he rose his hand, reaching for the younger's cold hands that caught Jihoon off guard, only to meet Hyunsuk's reassuring smile.
"What did I told you, Jihoon-ah?" He asks, head tilted adorably.
Jihoon remembered the words Hyunsuk told him before ending their last practice.
And the younger automatically smiled when he recalls the words that somewhat saved him from everything that worries him.
Jihoon just nods at Hyunsuk.
Because how can he forget?
The different roars coming from the students greeted them when their band name were finally mentioned by the student mc. They could hear the loud shouting of their names, the chants from Yoshi's fangirls, and even the cheers from their professors. The feedback of the mic on the speakers, or the cracking of Junkyu's fingers to make sure their flexibility. They could hear everything.
Except Jihoon.
Because the only thing that he could hear right now is the words of Hyunsuk that echoes in him since the other day.
We'll make them remember us, Jihoon-ah.
Jihoon finally made up his mind.
He's going to make the crowd remember him.
He darted his gaze on the man playing his electric guitar while banging his head in the air, he sang along with Mashiho as they finally reached the bridge of the song they practiced for more than a hundred times.
Jihoon softly plays with the beats as the electric guitar noise finally took up the stage.
This is our place to shine at.
The figure of the man smiling proudly as he strums his guitar when the drums slows down; Hyunsuk fixed his stance and fixated his eyes on the man behind the drums while gripping on the mic as he sings,
Will you take a moment?
Promise me this
The place miraculously quiet down when the bridge comes in, and the only voice that engulfs the whole stage is Hyunsuk's.
His eyes are on Jihoon's.
That you'll stand by me forever
Softly tapping his foot on the bass pedal, Jihoon smiled at him.
But if, God forbid, fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye
Hyunsuk held the mic up, and eyed Mashiho before turning his gaze to the one that is incharged with the drums, smiling.
Until the smile didn't reach Hyunsuk's eyes.
If you have children someday
He finally strums his guitar softly, locking his eyes on Jihoon's, still.
When they point to the pictures
Jihoon plays with the pedal, as if it's his heartbeats when Hyunsuk looks at him, without any sign of happiness in his eyes.
Please tell them my name
That's when the bass guitar comes, the loud keyboard finally made its entrance as the song builds up along side Jihoon's cymbal sounds, and bass pedaling.
Tell them how the crowds went wild
The crowd started to roar once again.
Tell them how I hope they shine
Hyunsuk stopped their staring contest when they both decided to finally enjoy the sound of their instruments all together, as if they're all different kinds of words that perfectly rhymed to end a heartbreaking poem.
The ocean of people shouts, and sang the chorus once again. Mashiho and Hyunsuk stood there while they had their best times as guitarists which they both earned in their different times; Mashiho started playing at 8 while Hyunsuk at 10. Junkyu played with the keyboard, lips forming his most satisfied smile while banging his head with the forming melody of his band. Yoshi enjoyed the scene that he once found boring; and now, he plays the bass as if his life is depending on it.
And the base of the band, Jihoon with his drum plays, started to feel like he's about to achieve something he had never thought about before.
Not until Hyunsuk pointed out that night.
"What makes us all unhappy, you ask?" Hyunsuk tucks his hair on his ears, before unplugging his guitar from the speakers. Jihoon asked about the book he was reading, entitled 'Unhappily happy' as if they don't make sense at all.
"It's nothing but the greediness, and wanting for more than what we have now, Ji. At least for me." He chuckled, rolling up the wires. "And being unrealistic too."
"Because with that, nothing will ever be good enough for you."
He stopped moving and gazes back to Jihoon before asking,
"But what makes us all unhappier?"
Hyunsuk moved his eyes to the studio he had find as the most endearing room to be. "It's not being able to do something we love."
"So do what you love, Jihoon." The man pats Jihoon's shoulder. "So regrets won't come after you when you gets older."
Then looks to Jihoon's eyes once again with his excited ones, "and when you get to have your own family, tell your kids you did what you love and had no regrets playing."
"Tell them that you chose to be happy!" Pertaining to the competition ahead. "Because what something that people could never take from you is your happiness."
Hyunsuk reached for his hand before holding it softly as if he'll promise his whole life with the guy he's holding onto.
"And mine is yours to enjoy, too."
No sound of cymbals could ever out sound the noise coming from his chest when he can feel at the back of his hand the heart beats of the man he'd like to have a future with.
"Tell them about me, too!—"
"Dad? Are you okay?"
The flashbacks disappeared right before his eyes when he felt a tap on his cheek, and a worried voice coming from his left.
It was his son.
Jihoon nods at him before smiling, silently praying that he didn't weirded his son out when he stared at the frame for minutes. "It's nothing, son."
"So, who is he, Dad?"
Tell your kids about me too, Jihoon-ah.
"He's... Choi Hyunsuk."
And tell them that you chose to be happy.
"He's one of my colleagues," he narrowed down his eyes to the picture before smiling sadly. "One of my closest friends."
"I haven't met him yet, have I?"
Jihoon offered him a smile before saying,
"You will."
Films, and photographs are all about the stuck memories inside a piece of plastic or small elastic paper that has its meaning in all angles where it was took. Frame by frame, wherein they were displayed inside the albums labeled as Happy Memories when after all these years, they'll eventually fade along their inks and turn to the saddest pictures a person have ever took in their life.
And the picture Jihoon have hidden on the top shelf is no exception.
Because the man in the middle of that picture wearing his lucky denim jacket, smiling while holding the trophy of the second place—is now in front of him and his son.
"Hey." Hyunsuk greets.
"Hey," he greets back. "Hyung."
The smile that he hadn't seen for years is now right on his face, looking at him in his most comforting expressions that he had memorize already.
"Good afternoon, Mister... Choi?"
The sound of the young boy interrupted the small reunion of their orbs, and Hyunsuk looked in front of him with his eyes in shock.
"What's your name?"
"Choihyun," the boy answered with manners. "Choihyun Park, mister."
The name made Hyunsuk froze, and lose his smile before darting his gaze towards Jihoon's blank expression. Jihoon pats his son's shoulder before smiling, "Go inside. You said you wanted to play an electric guitar, right?"
"Alright, Dad." Choihyun looked up to Hyunsuk before nodding politely. "Nice meeting you, mister! I'll see you inside! Bye-bye!"
And just like that, they're alone together.
"How are you?" Hyunsuk asked, smiling genuinely before sitting on the bench beside his music school. "I didn't hear anything from you when you stopped attending college, Jihoon-ah."
"I just don't want to disappoint you if you ever see me." The younger man being a straightforward person he is today, he pursed his lips while saying those words. And it confused Hyunsuk a lot.
"What do you mean?"
"When I had Choihyun at a young age, and his mother left him to my custody—that's when I realized that I just did something that might disappoint you." Jihoon shrugs before nodding unconsciously.
Hyunsuk stayed silent.
"I stopped playing drums, or making music since then. From what I have become within those months of taking care of Choihyun, I realized that I lost on the track of the music you introduced to me. I thought it will disappoint you."
"But you didn't." Hyunsuk interrupted his heavy sighs with a smile.
"You disappointed no one, Jihoon-ah." He continues. "Choihyun looks like a good kid, you raised him well despite being alone for those years. That isn't something to be disappointed about, you know?"
The smaller man pats his shoulder and reassures. "I'm so proud of you. You should know that. Even before, you did nothing but make me proud."
Jihoon wets his lips before sighing once again.
"I told Choihyun about you."
Hyunsuk stops patting Jihoon's shoulder.
"Like what you said, I'd tell my kids about you."
"Tell them about me too!" It echoes inside his head. Hyunsuk's words.
"Tell your kids about the crowd we made jump over our music!" He repeats. "Tell them that you chose to be happy with playing your music to the crowd."
"And tell your future kids, we consumed the abstract of happiness in that moment of our one life," he held Jihoon's hand as if he's sure of the bright future ahead of Jihoon.
"So we can have our next lives to choose happiness again, while you still have mine to enjoy in this life time."
The scene flashes before him, and Jihoon couldn't help but to look at the guy beside him.
Hyunsuk isn't wearing his denim jacket.
Because a lot of things has changed already.
"But I failed to tell Choihyun about the happiness part. Because yours aren't mine to enjoy until the end, right, hyung?"
The door creaking from the entrance revealed one of the students of the music school and shouts,
"Hi, Mr. Kanemoto!"
With that, Jihoon smiled at Hyunsuk before tapping the man's shoulder.
"C'mon, they're looking for you. Take care of Choihyun, hyung."
And by then, Hyunsuk watched Jihoon's back faintly get away from his sight like that one night the younger guy suddenly disappeared from his life after the battle of the bands.
He never get the chance to say his proud statement to his drums student from college years ago, Park Jihoon.
We played well back then, Jihoon-ah.
They remembered us. Just like what we planned.
I'm proud of you.
Jihoon could honestly tell that living once is a blessing in disguise, not until he realized that he could never have the same moment to happen in his next life.
He could never have the same place to shine, and shine with.
To shine with the person who wears his lucky denim jacket almost everyday.
Tragic.