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He’d seen her every time he closed his eyes for the past week.
Her dark blonde hair falling around their faces as she leaned over to kiss him, her sleepy bedroom eyes that never failed to suck him in until he forgot what he was doing, her mouth that was made for sin although she used it like an angel, and that body that just didn’t quit.
He remembered how she stuttered around everyone except him. When she was with him, she forgot: Forgot to be nervous, forgot to watch her every word so she wouldn’t draw attention to herself. She just let herself be when she was with him and it always made him feel on top of the world.
God damn, he hadn’t consciously thought of her in a year or more, but he still missed her something fierce. It was an ache in his chest that was more tangible than the one in his wrist. Leaving Tara was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. It was definitely one of the stupidest. Only going to work for Wolfram & Hart in the first place topped it.
Lindsey turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Why now? Why had she been crowding his thoughts and dreams like this?
He brought his left hand up and looked at the Fleur de Lis bracelet he’d worn every day since she gave it to him on his 21st birthday. A blinding pain shot through him just as he touched one of the charms and he knew. He knew without a shadow of a doubt what it meant.
Tara was dead. His beautiful, golden girl was gone and he never took the opportunity to make amends. He’d never have the chance now.
When the pain subsided and he could breathe again, Lindsey blinked the tears from his eyes. He looked at the bracelet again and there, below it, on the inside of his wrist, was a perfect Fleur de Lis. It was gold and blue, the same shades as Tara’s hair and eyes. Inside it were the words, Je t’aime.
Lindsey sniffled and didn’t bother to wipe away the fresh wave of tears. She told him when she gave him the bracelet that she’d be with him always, even if they weren’t together anymore. At the time, he thought they’d never be apart. He’d been so young and idealistic. If only he’d held onto that foolish boy, he might not be here now. His soul would be a hell of a lot cleaner, that’s for sure. And maybe Tara would still be alive.
When he left her to take the job with W&H, he’d vowed to keep her off their radar. He didn’t want them to use her against him. He’d succeeded. In doing so, though, he’d sacrificed knowing anything about her life after they parted ways. Now that it was too late… he’d have to do some careful research to see if he could find out what happened. His plans for Angel could wait.
Pressing a reverent, regretful kiss to her mark on his wrist, he whispered brokenly, “Je t’aime, aussi, ma jeune fille d’or. Pour toujours et un jour. Pour toujours et un jour.”
-30-