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Ludwig doesn’t think he’s ever been more afraid for his life than he was right now. Father had always told him not to start any fights or get into any type of trouble. Sometimes Father would say it was for the sake of his future. Other times, he would name one prime person to never follow: his older brother Gilbert.
“Ludwig Beilschmidt.” The door opened and Principal Sinjer walked through the door. He took a seat at his desk and sighed. “I never thought I’d see you in here.”
Ludwig didn’t reply. He didn’t think he could, quite honestly. His insides were a mush of nerves and anxiety, but from the Principal’s face, none of that was seen.
“So why are you here, son?” Principal Sinjer said as he straightened up. He leaned forward as if eager to hear what Ludwig had to say.
“I… punched somebody,” Ludwig finally responded. His voice cracked and petered out to a whisper, causing Principal Sinjer’s eyebrows to raise.
“Are you afraid? What are you afraid for?” Principal Sinjer let out a light laugh. “Fighting isn’t a good thing, but you seem terrified!”
“Did you… call Father?”
Principal Sinjer sighed. “I did. He was busy and said he’d send someone over.” Principal Sinjer was quiet for a moment. “You know… it’s not like you’re going to be sent to jail. You’ll be suspended for a few days and will be back by the end of the week.”
Ludwig flinched at the man’s words. Father was busy at work so that meant-
There was a knock at the door. The secretary announced that someone was here for Ludwig, all with a look of contempt on her face.
“Let them in,” Principal Sinjer waved.
Through the doors came Ludwig’s second feared arrival, clad in dark clothes and sleep mussed hair.
“You…” Principal Sinjer looked on in shock as Gilbert crossed the room and collapsed on the cushion next to Ludwig.
Ludwig tuned out the next exchange. He was more afraid for his wellbeing right now. Father threatened that if he ever caused trouble, he would be shipped away to a bootcamp in a far off country. Ludwig thought of himself as resourceful and knew that if he had to survive at bootcamp, he could probably figure out how. But the things he heard of kids sent away from home, never to be seen again frightened him. He didn’t want to leave his friends or family.
But most of all, he didn’t want to be a disappointment.
“Ludwig!”
Ludwig snapped out of his reprieve to two pairs of eyes staring at him.
“Yes,” he responded in his strongest voice.
“Let’s go.” And with that, Gilbert rose from the chair and walked from the room.
Ludwig looked at Principal Sinjer for answers but the man was shaking his head, laughing to himself. When Ludwig rose from his seat, Principal Sinjer looked at Ludwig and said, “If he gives you any trouble, you can always come to me, alright, son?”
Ludwig didn’t know what else to do besides nod and leave. He silently followed Gilbert out to the car. They buckled up and began the relatively short ride home.
There was a nice tune playing from the radio. It calmed Ludwig enough to ask the question that had been bothering him since they left.
“Why are you here?”
A pale eyebrow rose and a small grin graced Gilbert’s face.
“What do you mean?”
“Where is Father?”
“Busy.” The grin receded into a frown.
“Why are we heading home so soon? Principal Sinjer didn’t even ask for my side of the story or anything.”
“He said he didn’t need to,” Gilbert laughed. “You know, I asked him why he decided to suspend you instead of, I don’t know, finding out why you decked a kid, but he said he figured you needed time to adjust .”
“Adjust? To what?”
“Me, kiddo.” Gilbert pulled the car up to their house and shut the car off. With the car parked and the keys out of the ignition, Gilbert turned and rested his elbow on the middle console and grinned. Ludwig’s eyes were onced again drawn to the silver ring piercing his brother's nose. He once again wondered where he got it from.
“Why?” Ludwig asked, though he knew full well why. He had enough people giving him grief over it. “You’re-”
“An ex-convict,” Gilbert shrugged. “That’s all that people see. Well, whatever. They aren’t cool enough to hang out with me anyway.”
Gilbert got out of the car, but seemed to realize something and turned around.
“Hey, I know you’re a big boy now and all, but you wanna go get some ice cream?”
Ludwig blinked for a few moments.
“But… I punched someone.”
“So?”
“Shouldn’t you… discipline me?”
Gilbert leaned back inside the car, hand outstretched. Ludwig closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. A hand placed itself on his head.
“Hey.” Ludwig opened his eyes to his brother’s concerned face. “Lud, did you think I was gonna hit you?”
“Yes,” Ludwig replied, breathless. His heart was beating so hard that he was sure everyone in their neighborhood could hear it.
Gilbert leaned closer and placed both hands on his cheeks.
“Lud… does he hit you?”
Ludwig’s eyes widened. “No!”
“Are you sure? You’re not lying are you?”
“I’m not!”
Gilbert stared at him for a moment.
“Then why were you afraid?” Ludwig didn’t reply. “Lud, you know I’d never hurt you, right?”
“Yes.” Ludwig felt tears well up in his eyes. He tried to fight them down, but when he was enveloped in a hug, a few spilled out. As Gilbert rubbed his back, the tears flowed faster and he wrapped his arms around Gilbert’s neck.
“You’re not mad?” Ludwig asked, his words slightly muffled by Gilbert’s tee.
Gilbert’s chest rumbled as he laughed. “Of course not. I don’t have any right to be mad at you for hitting someone.”
Once his cries had subsided to sniffling, Gilbert pulled back and looked at Ludwig. He ruffled the boy’s hair. A few seconds passed as he appeared to be thinking something over.
“We haven’t really had the chance to talk since I got back. How about we buy some ingredients to make spaghettieis and talk some? You can tell me about the kid you punched in the face.”
Ludwig felt much lighter than he had in a long time. Was it because of the cry? He hasn’t cried that much since… since Gilbert left.
Father, his teachers, kids from school would laugh whenever someone mentioned Gilbert, his criminal brother. They would accuse him of all kinds of things and after a while, Ludwig wondered if those things were true. He forgot about the boy who he used to follow around and play games with. Who would sneak cookies from the kitchen to share with him.
Gilbert has been gone for about three years. Prison doesn’t seem to have changed him.
“Give me 5 minutes then we’ll go to the store, okay?”
Ludwig nodded in response. Gilbert ruffled his hair again and left.
His mother passed away five years ago. Father nor Gilbert were ever the same. Father became cold and distant. Gilbert did too, but he never cut Ludwig out of his life. That is, until he got into trouble he couldn’t get out of.
But he was back now. Gilbert was back home. He was both immensely relieved and full of anxiety. The pressure, the pressure of being the perfect child, of not being a disappointment had only grown more since Gilbert returned. But he also had his big brother back after three long years.