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"I know how it is..."
"What?" asked Dean to Lucifer Morningstar
"Lose your friend...and not having any chance to save him. Even though, you wanted to... You still want to and you don't know how or when or why..."
"Why what?" asked Dean confused
"Why you want him back so bad and you feel like a part of you is missing..." said Lucifer really sad to a Dean who was getting him. Loosing someone that you care about so much is really a pain in the ass. Dean thought. But it was more then that. Dean didn't just loose his best friend, but someone so close to him, whom he considered as a brother, as a part of his family. He needed him and still needs him in some kinda way. And it just hurts a lot to think that, he was there for him for all this time just because... Just because he loves him... And he thought of him as someone who cares about anybody, 'about all the world'... That all he ever done, the good and the bad he ever done was for love... That love is who he is... And it just sucks because how he never noticed before that an angel, a beautiful and strongest dude with a trenchcoat, could ever think about him as a lovable person... as a role model... As the 'most caring man on Earth', 'the most selfless human being' he ever met... And he certainly met a lot of people for being an angel of the Lord... But now, he was sitting in this bar. Talking with another version of the Lucifer he knows about loosing a friend... And Dean was curious about the friend this Lucifer lost...
So he ask who he was talking about and Lucifer said...
"He was Dan. Dan Espinoza. We worked together sometimes. I was a consultant for the LAPD. And he was detective's ex husband. We kind of hated each others at first. Well, maybe as my therapist said I was jealous of him and the detective being together. But then, i just started to know him and i pranked him or teased him everytime because it was so easy to do it. And also because it was fun to watch. But I never thought that, my revenge against him, who tried to kill me after he discovered that i was the devil, would have been my last prank to him..." "Nobody ever knows when is the last time with a person that we care about... I know that for sure" Dean said with a sad look on his face. He really knew that. He's a hunter after all but also for the life he grew up with. He lost so many friends that he lost count. He lost his mother again, he lost a man who consider as his dad, Bobby, again and he would never admitted with Sam but he's sad too of Jack being God and not being around them as before... But why loosing them was different then loosing...
"And you green eyes, who you lost?" asked Lucifer suddenly
"Well, it's hard to say but...he was an angel, an angel of the Lord as he always said it, haha. He was the one who gripped me tight and raised me from perdition. He saved me... He saved me when i was in hell for keep my brother alive. He tried to protect me for Leviathans when we where in purgatory together. He tried to stop me for making bad and stupid decisions which later could kick my brother and my own ass. He helped me...he helped being myself again when i was a knight of hell, when Michael was inside of me and he left me... He left me everytime i was a jerk to him, an idiot...but he left me when the only thing I ever wanted was him, staying with me, with us, in a place that we called home because it is our home, you know?!" "I don't really know but i can understand it" "Right. Why on earth I'm talking with another version of the Devil in a bar?! This must be a joke" "I have the power of bring out human's truly desire" "Right, of course you have it" said Dean a little ironic "Green eyes, i don't know why are you being so angry with me. But i must said, I'm sorry that you lost your lover" Lover. Lover? "Wait, i never said he was my lover!" "Well, you never said he wasn't and the way you talked about him. Really sounds gay to me" " I'm not gay!" "Fine, bi or whatever. I'm bi too by the way" "No, listen you have the wrong idea. I don't like man. At all! And i don't have bi or gay feelings for my best friend. Capisce?!" "Oh, humans and their stupid guilty. Why they have to be so repressed for the things they want just because 'society doesn't want you in that way'" "I-I'm not repressed" "That is really a beautiful lie, green eyes. Well, it's not that i cared about your case so much. You are even for another dimension. And i apologize to take you away from that" "Don't worry. There were nothing from me in my world to be honest" "Again with the repression. Seriously, what was the name of the angel you lost? Maybe i can bring him back to this world" " You can't. You're the devil" "I was the devil. Now I'm the new God and my detective is my Goodness, my Mrs. G, my wife" "Hold on...what the hell are you talking about?" "Are you deaf perhaps? I said that I'm the new God..." "I get that but what you tryin to say... You can bring him back? Really?" "It's strange that you never asked it to the God of your dimension. But yes, I can. After all, i have all the powers in the world" "Thank you.. but if you really have all the power in the world. Why don't you bring back to life your friend?" "Well, we had his funeral. He would be strange that a dead man lives again. But i know he is in a good place now. And in some days, i will see him again on heaven with his lover. And i will be not sad anymore to have loose him like that..." Wow. This devil is really different for who he knows Dean. But maybe he's better then every other versions of Lucifer. "So, would you tell me the name of your angel?" "It's not my..." Lucifer broke his respond with a serious look on his face and maybe he was right. He was his angel after all. "Cas. Castiel. This is his name" "Alright then, you will see Castiel again in your dimension. Don't screw up this time" Even if Dean get what Lucifer meant, this time he wan't say anything.
He was happy. For all this time and after all he'd been trough. He was finally happy to return to his dimension and have Cas back. Like last time ago. And when Lucifer get him to the bunker. To his home. Cas, and Sam and Dean home. He was filled with joy and exiteness. Only that, when he was there. He find nobody waiting for him...
Sam was gone and apparently he took every Dean objects from his room. Maybe he thought that he was dead. That it was pointless searching for him because he's Dean Winchester after all. And when he searched to his secret laptop, he found out that Sam was living that apple pie life that Dean could never have. He was happy for his brother, he was proud of him, marrying Eileen and have a kid who share his name, and he knew now that if Dean came again in his life they will start to hunt again and never end this pathetic and sad life they were trapped to. So, he decide to stay dead. And keeping a low profile. But what he was disappointed the most was not meeting Cas again as that Lucifer said to him. But as always why believe in the Devil's words?
So, some years pass and he was living his dream, being the owner of a bar, and singing karaoke for his customers every saturday nights. Check on Sam trough internet and find out that his child was really a genius. Like Sammy. And even though he never stop to think about Cas, he keep on spending the nights with some random girls and some random boys too. He was really repressed after all. But he never fall in love with someone. And he never felt attached to someone. And then, that night came...
It was a Thursday night, it was raining outsides, really strong and Dean was thinking of close the bar earlier. And when all the customers were gone and Dean was doing the inventory, one person decide to open the door and click the bell from the bartender table. Dean was already put in hell whoever decide to click that bell. And with his surprise, he wanted that that person would not going to hell at all.
"Hello Dean" "Cas, you-you're alive!?" "It seems so. But i don't know how" Dean didn't need any other explainations and took Cas body against his. Holding him. Hugging him. Like he was scared he would disappear again and that was just a dream. An hallucination of his mind. But it wasn't. Cas hug Dean back. And it was real, he could feel the warm of his body, the touch of it. He could feel him again and with that, all the feelings he buried inside himself were coming out in a second. And then, in that moment Dean realize, as before, that the reason he couldn't love anybody else, he couldn't even fall for them was because he was and he is always and still in love with Cas. And nobody or anything could change that. "I missed you, Cas. You don't know how much i missed you" Dean said still holding Cas "Dean, I'm sorry if I cause you pain. But i had that the Empty take me, so i could save you. You mean too much for me" "I know. You mean too much for me too" "Dean..." said Cas surprised for Dean confession "Cas, just don't leave me again okay? I can't survive another time without you" "Dean, why you can't survive without me? I'm not so special to you..." Dean break the hug for a moment and with a sudden rage were growing inside his heart, he said "You! After all that time we were together. You never figure it out how I feel about you!? How special and precious you are to me!? That i would rather die then being in a life without you!!?" "Dean, what are you saying..." "That i need you stupid angel of the Lord! I need you in my life as the oxygen! I need you to stay here with me, and never leave me again! I need you to be in our home together! I need you Cas because... because i fucking love you!!" And that was it. He just said it because he was mad at him again. Because he doesn't know. He doesn't know how much he loves him. And Cas, who's eyes were sparkling with joy and happy tears, said "Dean...you love me?" "Why you just heard that part?" said Dean still a little bit mad at him. "Because i never thought that you..." "Listen, your confession was wonderful, okay? Man, i was crying every time I heard that on my laptop. And the way you describe me, the way you think of me because you love me. Seriously, it's amazing because I'm the one who is not worthing of you, okay?!" "Dean, you worth everything. Even me, even my love for you. And I will never stop to tell you how much you mean to me and to the whole world" Damit, he's really good with words. "Cas, you really think so high of me?" "You deserve it" Damn. "Well, aren't you good at flirting Cas?!" "I don't understand what that means" "Yeah" said Dean licking his lips and seal their confessions with a beautiful kiss. And from that moment Dean and Cas Winchester were living in the bunker together, married with just wearing their rings, and be so happy as they never were before...