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Growing up and growing old
Shinsou couldn’t believe how far he had come.
Things changed around him. For the better.
Those things changed him.
Those things definitely changed him for the better.
Aizawa liked to tease him about his character development.
Things had changed between them too. Almost from the minute Shinsou came into his home, officially becoming Aizawa’s foster kid - and now, adoptive son - he realised the differences between Aizawa the teacher (more similar to Eraserhead) and Aizawa the man. Man who became his father.
Though it had taken time, a few breakdowns, and lots of personal work (and therapy), Shinsou felt good. Probably the best he ever had.
It was a shame that his third year at UA was coming to a close.
That’s why there was a tinge of sadness lingering in the air around him as he sat in the common room with his friends.
For someone who had been subjected to so much change, uprooting, relocating, new people he never let himself grow attached to, Shinsou felt a subtle sense of dread at the looming end of year.
He didn’t want to move away. People were talking about flatting together, but why would he want to move out when he only just gained a family? He had been able to avoid living in the dorms with the other students (though he was sure it would have been nice if he had wanted to be there) for that very reason. Instead, Aizawa and Yamada gained a larger apartment in the teachers’ dorms so he and Eri could have their own rooms.
He didn’t want his new friends - the first real friends he had ever made - to move off either. But that was entirely selfish and he would never say it out loud. Not even to himself.
He didn’t want this to be the last time they sat together in front of the common room television, dimmed lights and smells of Satou’s baking mixing with Yaomomo’s tea of the day in the warm air.
He was none the wiser about growing older. While the rest of his friends at least seem to be prepared to take the dive into adulthood, Shinsou lingered looking up at the diving board stairs. He physically could take the next step, but he was hesitating.
It made his chest clench as others took their jump, and he wished them the best for their success.
Midoriya and Uraraka were cuddled up on his left, curled up against the same faded yellow couch he was sinking into. Tsu and Momo were sitting on the floor in front of him, Shouto and Sero sitting across from them. Bakugou and Kirishima cuddled up on a single seater chair (in a surprising public display of affection for Bakugou), while Mina was pestering Denki on his right. A few others were drifting around the room, Satou and Tokoyami seemed to be on their way to join the tea table.
The only thing more surprising about Shinsou turning into a social butterfly was how much he enjoyed being around people.
The only thing more surprising than that was how he acquired a boyfriend.
The gay part wasn’t a surprise. Shinsou was, deep down beneath the focus he poured into training and school work, aware of his preferences.
The fact that his boyfriend was Kaminari surprised some people, but only because of Kaminari’s history as a prolific flirt who would hit on any girl that spoke to him. Being attracted to Kaminari was not a surprise to Shinsou at all, but his quirky, kind personality and warm affection was a pleasant surprise.
The fact that they had now been together for ten whole months was a pleasant surprise.
Shinsou nuzzled into Kaminari’s neck. Kaminari distracted himself from Mina’s vibrant, onomatopoeic conversation to peck a quick kiss on Shinsou’s forehead. His hand continued to gently caress Shinsou’s hip in a comforting motion. Silent reassurance.
Shinsou took pride in how hard he was to read. After years of bottling things up, it made sense he would be second only to Aizawa in hiding himself. Kaminari was immune to this, along with all of Shinsou’s other bullshit.
He had no doubt that Kaminari could register his anxiety like a change of temperature. He could feel Shinsou’s panic incoming before Shinsou himself even realised he was about to have a meltdown. He guessed Shinsou would be on the spectrum before they had that conversation. He registered his likes and dislikes, his special interest, and his triggers without Shinsou ever having to explain himself.
Shinsou was a little (see: a lot) slower when it came to people. And doing people things. But Kaminari loved talking, and he had no problem telling Shinsou what he wanted to know, or what he wanted to hear, as many times as they needed to.
Shinsou unfocused from the conversations happening around him (too much noise) and wrapped one arm around Kaminari’s middle. Kaminari’s other hand found him immediately and laced their fingers together like a zip. He is safe.
Kaminari is his safe place. In a different way to Aizawa and Yamada. Shinsou only hopes it will stay that way.
Satou offered some cupcakes around the room. Big ones in blue wrappers, done up with a pile of piped white frosting. Shinsou wanted one, but politely declined because he didn’t want to move. They found a place on the tea table before Satou took a seat on the floor and accepted one of the teas Momo was busy pouring into little bone china teacups.
“Man,” Satou sighed, leaning back on his hands. “This is bitter-sweet, isn’t it?”
“It’s exciting though!” Hagakure must be somewhere in the room now too, so presumably Ojirou was not far off either.
“Exciting indeed.” Iida placed a couple of trays of some kind of food (Shinsou didn’t want to turn his head away from Denki’s neck to see what exact kind of food it might be).
“But bitter-sweet nonetheless.” Shinsou liked Iida. He liked everyone at this stage, even Bakugou (even before he milded out) but Iida was one of the special few he grew to care for.
“It’s sad we are all moving out of the dorms, but we will stay in touch, right? All of us.” Midoriya mumbled and Uraraka hummed in agreement.
“Yea, good luck getting rid of Deku. His friendship is like an STD.” Bakugou snorted.
“Terminal friendship.” Shouto mumbled into his teacup.
“Yea, but I don’t see any of you looking for a cure either. So enjoy being stuck with me.”
Shinsou felt like he should smile, but didn’t force it since his face was obscured from prying eyes anyway.
Kaminari and Mina’s conversation had faded out. He glanced up to see Kaminari’s eyes on him. His hand was still caressing his hip. He had gone to stop but Shinsou had made a soft noise that caused Kaminari to resume the firm but gentle semi-circles against the fabric of Shinsou’s black mock-denim jeans.
While he was interested in what everyone was doing, he knew it all already. So he focused on fiddling with Denki’s fingers as everyone started to list off their upcoming jobs, moves, internships, holidays, further schooling … he was glad Kaminari was staying quiet.
Kaminari pulled their entwined fingers to his face and kissed the back of Shinsou’s hand.
“Babe?”
Shinsou blinked, eyes refocusing to look at Denki. He recognised worry, or concern of some form at least, in the topaz eyes. Usually he wouldn’t (see: couldn’t) do eye contact, but Kaminari had boyfriend privileges.
“Uraraka asked you a question.”
Shinsou blinked again and squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel every set of eyes in the room honing in on him, like big cats gauging how weak their prey would be before striking.
“I uhh, just asked what your plans are. You haven’t said much. No pressure! I was just wondering…” She babbled. There was the first strike.
Shinsou tended to have a delayed response in conversation. His brain processed things a bit differently, so it took him a moment longer than the average person to formulate a response. The polar opposite of Kaminari, who sometimes spoke without thinking and had zero filter between his brain and mouth.
“I have no idea.” He finally answered. Blunt, honest, and one tiny fraction ashamed. Not that his deep voice would give way to any little uncertainties.
“Really?” Iida questioned. “Do you have an agency lined up? Or somewhere that you want to apply to?” Easy for him to say, he is going back to Hosu. To the firm his older brother started. Carrying on the family name and the hero name he inherited were always the cards he was playing with.
“I,” Shinsou repeated. “Have no idea.”
“Hey, who even needs to have an idea right now?” Kaminari piped up, taking the focus off Shinsou (which he was beyond grateful for).
“I for one haven’t had an idea in years. Just follow the bees and have a good time.”
Shinsou huffed against Kaminari’s shoulder and hid his face again.
Someone protested a bit, Jirou teasing Kaminari could also be heard. Someone else told Iida not to pressure Shinsou in a hushed voice. Not hushed enough that Shinsou couldn’t pick up on it, though.
Kaminari gave Shinsou a light squeeze.
“You alright?” He whispered against Shinsou’s hairline.
“I will be.” He replied.
“I think we should talk with everyone. Mingle a bit. You can stay in my room tonight so come back when you get tired of socialising.”
Shinsou squeezed back and let Kaminari go, watching him stand and move over to Shouji who had somehow managed to get in with a couple of crates of beer. Shinsou briefly wondered if Shouji was able to use his huge stature and covered face to avoid being ID’d and purchase it himself, before shifting back on the couch and slouching towards Uraraka and Midoriya.
Shouto joined them at some stage. He was moving painfully far away, and it made Shinsou want to hug him. At least he wasn’t moving for another couple of months.
Tsu would be going to a coastguard agency. Shinsou hates the beach, sand sticks to everything. He enjoyed her sitting at his side, hoping the next time he saw her that she wouldn’t track sand and sticky beach germs with her.
Iida turned his focus from the tea table to lean against the couch and talk up to them. Aoyama draped himself over the back of the couch.
They didn’t do cliques, but the original squads stayed tight.
He could hear Denki and Sero riling Bakugou up while Mina cackled and Kirishima tried and failed as a peacemaker.
Maybe some things never changed. Maybe they never will.
People filed out of the room sporadically. Most not alone. Many in pairs. All back to their dorms. Some were already complaining about packing.
Talk of packing made Shinsou wince. Boxes and trash bags gave him anxiety, churning up memories of relocating while he was being flicked around the system.
Deku and Uraraka could probably sense he was a bit off.
A bit more off than normal.
Kaminari came back and dropped next to him, one arm landing over Shinsou’s shoulders and the other one waving Sero off.
Kaminari made smalltalk with them until they eventually retreated to the stairway.
He and Kaminari were the last in the common room. Shinsou hadn’t moved off the faded yellow couch since he had arrived.
Kaminari pulled him into a proper hug, one that pulled him tight and warm and made the rest of the world vanish for a few seconds. Shinsou took a deep, slow inhale of Kaminari’s shampoo (green apple) before sighing.
They sat in silence. The only sound was of the electricity (see: Shinsou can hear every light, electronic appliance, and ventilation system in every room) and Kaminari’s fingers against the fabric of Shinsou’s sweater.
Kaminari’s exhale outweighed Shinsou’s silence.
“My room?” He smiled.
Shinsou liked that Kaminari never expected a verbal response.
He took Kaminari’s hand as he stood up, and they slowly walked upstairs.
Always a gentleman, Kaminari opened the door and ushered him in. Shinsou sat down and took one of Kaminari’s ostentatious cushions and hugged onto it, watching as Kaminari closed the door and threw his jacket and shoes off haphazardly before joining him on the bed.
“Hi.” Kaminari said softly. “What’s up, buttercup?”
“I don’t know.”
“Isn’t that your phrase of the day?” Kaminari chuckled.
“I’m guessing you do know.” He said after a few moments. “Would you like to talk to me? Or would you like me to distract you.”
Shinsou shuffled. “I think I’d like to talk.”
“Okay.”
Kaminari laid back on the bed, folding his hands behind his head. Shinsou liked looking at Kaminari’s arms. He also liked stealing gazes at the patch of skin that revealed when his shirt rode up.
“I’m ready when you are. Do you want me to problem solve, or do you just need me to listen to you?”
“I … don’t know.”
“Okay. We’ll see where this goes. Take your time and tell me whatever you need to.”
Shinsou fiddled with the loose strands of the pillow, mentally planning what to say.
“I don’t like change.”
Denki hummed.
“I don’t like change, and I’ve been really … comfortable. For the last two years. For the first time in my life. And now all my friends are moving on to the next thing. I don’t want to have to move out. I like living with Aizawa and Yamada. And Eri. And I like being with you.”
“Is this why you’ve been shutting down on me when I try to talk about the future?”
Shinsou thought for a moment. “Yes. I don’t want to hold you back if you want to go. But I’m not ready.”
Kaminari’s hand caressed Shinsou’s thigh.
“You don’t have to change anything just yet. Other than graduating, I mean. Your grades are way too good for them to let you repeat a year.”
Shinsou huffed and Kaminari continued.
“You finish school. I’ve applied for a few things but honestly, I haven’t been thinking too hard. I just wanna get an entry level hero or sidekick role, whatever I can get, wherever you are. So if you’re staying here, I’ll focus on the applications I’ve been putting in for agencies in this city. So just focus on you and what you want out of life, yea? I’m not going anywhere.”
Shinsou looked at him.
“That makes me feel better.”
“I’m glad. Once I have some actual income, think of all the cute ass dates I can take you on. Fingers crossed someone nearby likes me enough, huh?”
Shinsou chuckled weakly, feeling his shoulders relax.
They were silent again.
“What does Aizawa think?” Kaminari finally asked. “Have you spoken to him about this stuff?”
“I don’t want to disappoint him. He’s been training me and I don’t want him to think it was all for nothing …” Shinsou worried his bottom lip with his teeth.
“Mind if I try to be a voice of logic here for a moment?”
“Go for it.”
“Aizawa literally adopted you. You’re not just some kid he trained because he saw potential in. You’re more than your potential. He cares about you. And if you need some time, I know for sure he will be supportive of you. No matter what.”
“How can you be sure of anything?” Shinsou asked. “Nothing is certain.”
“Nothing except death and taxes. And that Aizawa loves you. I love you too, y’know.” Kaminari took his hand and squeezed it.
Shinsou squeezed back.
“I love you too.” He breathed.
Kaminari sat up.
“Call Aizawa now.”
“Why now?”
“So you can relax, and we can get all snuggly without all this anxiety hanging over you.”
“What if he’s busy?”
“Then we will call again later.” Kaminari was already hunting for Shinsou’s phone.
“What if he … is disappointed. In me.”
“Then you explain how you feel, with words, and make sure he understands.”
Kaminari forced Shinsou’s mobile into his hand, gave him a kiss on the cheek, then sat back.
“I’m assuming you don’t need me to step out while you talk?”
“No. I need to let him know that I’ll sleep here, anyway. I don’t think he is on patrol until later tonight anyway. Probably still at home …”
Shinsou scrolled his contacts.
It still made him feel warm inside having a Dad saved into his phone. It was even better knowing that Dad is Aizawa. The first adult to really give a shit about him.
Aizawa sounded tired when he answered. This was normal.
“Hi, dad.” Shinsou said hesitantly.
“Hi, Toshi. What time are you coming home?”
“I’m spending the night with Denki.”
Shinsou heard him repeat that, followed by Yamada yelling something along the lines of ‘tell him no hanky panky.’
“I’m assuming you heard that. I don’t want to repeat it.” Aizawa huffed.
“Yea. I got it.”
“That all?”
“No.”
“What do you need?”
Shinsou mentally prepared himself.
“I’m scared.” He admitted decisively.
“Why are you scared, Toshi?” Aizawa’s voice was soft.
“Because everyone is moving and going to new jobs, and I’m not ready.”
“That’s a valid thing to be scared by. I think you are ready, actually. But you don’t have to be ready until you want to be ready. If that makes sense.”
“Can I stay with you?” Shinsou hid the desperation in that question.
“Hitoshi.” Aizawa sighed. Shinsou imagined he was pinching the bridge of his nose and looking irritated.
Here it comes.
“Hitoshi, kid, we have been over this. You aren’t staying with me. You live here. This isn't a foster home. This isn’t your home until you finish school. This is your home. Period. And frankly, I am more than happy for you to continue living here. As long as you need, as long as you want, as long as you choose to. We can talk about your future when you’re ready, but in the meantime just focus on remembering that you’re not going anywhere. And even when you do find something you want to do, you can continue staying here. Don’t think about moving out until you really want to. Besides, the city is expensive. So is living, in general. We have a nice home. It’s logical. Especially when you have a family who all love you staying with them.”
Shinsou was glad that he put Aizawa on speakerphone so he wouldn’t have to repeat anything to Kaminari after.
He may or may not be crying.
Shinsou rushed to rub his eyes with the back of his hand, holding in a sniffle.
“Love you, dad.” He whispered.
“Love you too, Toshi. Don’t stress, okay? We can talk when you’re ready. One step at a time. It isn’t logical to panic.”
“Okay.”
“Are you still panicking?”
“No.”
“Is there anything else, or do you want to go back to Kaminari now?”
“I … feel better. Thank you.”
“You’re okay, Toshi. Text me when you’re coming home. I’m on patrol but I should get home around 3am before Hizashi goes to his radioshow. Eri wants to make breakfast so if you see smoke from the teachers’ dorms, don’t be alarmed.”
Hitoshi chuckled as Eri protested in the background.
“Noted.”
“See you tomorrow. Don’t stress.”
“See you tomorrow, dad.”
“Have a good night, son.”
Aizawa hung up, leaving Shinsou to cradle his phone.
He cast a smile to Kaminari, who also looked more relaxed.
“There you go.” Kaminari poked him.
“You’re fine. Now. Come cuddle.”
Shinsou took a deep breath, and with that, one small step.
He moved into Kaminari’s arms, nice and close so their noses brushed.
He didn’t need to take that jump into adulthood just yet.
Whatever adulthood was.
He would find his way eventually, in his own time. For now, he was comfortable right here. With his amazing family and lovely boyfriend.
Shinsou hates change. But he knew he would be okay.
Shinsou can’t believe how far he has come.