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Crying, tears, wet. That's all he knew at that moment.
Middle school, getting relentlessly bullied everyday, getting told to kill yourself, getting burned by Kacchan’s quirk ow- it hurts so much please stop please I’m begging-
Rooftops, shoes off, sobbing. That's how anyone who came upon Izuku would find him. Town between the decision to keep living and the welcoming thought of death brought about by one’s own hand. This thought was not one of his own, but one cemented into his head by many years of bullying and harassment for something he could never control. His own best friend left him and became an enabler of the worst kind. One who not only stands idly by, but engages in the very act as well.
Izuku (Deku- quirkless useless Deku who doesn't deserve to live) can’t bring himself to sit on the edge yet. He sits on the hard concrete roof of his middle school with his shoes off, hair knotted from his incessant pulling at it and eyes bloodshot from crying as he contemplates his life up until this moment. He can’t just leave his mom, he cannot do that to her. But what if she was better off without him? Before the shame of having a quirkless child and the many bills that came along after Izuku’s father left. Did you know his mother used to sing? One day, while she thought she was home alone he heard her singing. She never did that when he was around. But what about All Might? He put his trust in Izuku to be his successor, he can’t just let that go. Unless, he could. He knew there were more qualified people for the job and knew he was not a good fit. All Might probably wouldn’t even notice a quirkless waste of space like him going missing. Izuku was looking for a reason not to do it, but there was none. He couldn’t think of one possible thing that would keep him from it. It would be as easy as-
Kacchan.
Kacchan had told him to. He can’t ruin Kacchan’s hero career like that by following through. Kacchan must still care for him right? It's okay, he thinks, Kacchan will be a great and successful hero no matter when a useless Deku like him does. He tries to bask in the false comfort of a future for someone he barely knows now.
Izuku doesn’t know what to do. Curling up into a ball, poorly containing sobs of desperation, Desperation for comfort, family, friends, just something.
Footsteps.
He heard someone coming up to the roof. However, at this point he was beyond caring. He was a quirkless nobody who wasn’t worth saving so no one would even try. He wouldn’t let himself give in to the part of him that desperately wants to be saved. He wants it so bad but he knows he can’t have it. He doesn’t deserve it. Izuku had many fantasies about what it would be like to be saved by someone. To be told he mattered and that his life was worth living. He did know however, that he couldn’t live off approval from others and he had to do this himself. He was beyond saving and he knew that. Middle school told him that. He had to do this and he had to do it now. He was going to do it his way and his way only. He stood up and walked over to the edge. He remembered when All Might left him on that roof many weeks ago and how close he was to doing it then. He probably would have if he wasn’t scared of ruining Kacchan’s hero career by taking his words to heart on the very day he uttered them.
He thought over his life and how much he truly did. From his time in preschool all the way through middle school he went through his life step by step. He thought back to the day at the river and how everything went downhill then. He would give anything to have a quirk and to reverse that day at the river. He thought about his mother apologizing to him after he was diagnosed quirkless and how his dreams were crushed again and again but he kept getting up and trying again. He couldn’t try anymore.
The door opened. It was Kacchan.
Midoriya Izuku was stunned. Of all the people to walk onto Aldera Middle School’s roof it had to be him. Kacchan found him sobbing, shoes off, on the edge of a roof. There were no excuses to be made, there was nothing to be said, Kacchan knew why he was up here and there was no disputing it no matter how much he tried. Kacchan was probably just coming up here to get a break from all of the so called “extras” and here he found his childhood friend turned victim about to join many other quirkless people in becoming a statistic rather than a human being.
They made eye contact. In that brief moment it felt like so much was said and eons had passed before they broke it. Kacchan swiftly turned around. Leaving Izuku there to get it over with. He just left him. Left him up on the roof about to commit an irreversible act. Izuku couldn’t take it. He laughed. And then he cried. And then laughed some more. Kacchan found him on the roof. Of course he did. He deserves this. Kacchan really doesn’t care about him anymore. All of this mental strain and thought for nothing. He truly was worthless if not even Kacchan cared for him anymore.
Izuku was too cowardly to follow through. Sure he had been closed many times before, but he really almost did it before he was interrupted. He went home that day and his mom wondered why he was home so late. He said he went to the mall with one of his “friends” and forgot to text. She believed him without question. Whether that was out of negligence or out of a want for her son to have any friends was up for debate.
Things started looking up after that. He got into UA and gained some semblance of control over All Might’s quirk. He was able to leave his mom after the dorms were instituted to lessen the burden of bills on her and made his mark on UA and many others, he had friends and his relationship with Kacchan began to improve. However, they never talked of that day up on the roof. Things weren’t perfect, but they were better.
Then, things began to go downhill. When it comes to Izuku, the good can only last so long.
One day Mineta came up to him. Now, Izuku did not like Mineta, considering how creepy he is, but he could never hate anyone, so he would hear what he had to say.
“Izuku, I like you a lot.” Mineta blurted out.
“Mineta, I'm sorry but I do not feel the same way. You’re a great guy but just not for me I’m sorry.”
“Oh so are you straight then?”
“... No…”
Mineta stormed away and Izuku was sure that was the end of it. He had no idea why Mineta confessed to him. But the next day in class Mineta goes up to the front of the room and tells everyone, “Midoriya is gay, Midoriya is gay.” This attempt to out him was malicious in intent and an attempt to turn the class against him. However, an unlikely suspect stood up for him.
Bakugou Katsuki stood up, walked up to the front of the class, and grabbed Mineta by the shirt collar.
“What is it to you, you little grape fuck? What are you homophopic? Oh boo hoo. Guess what guys? I’m gay too! It's not a big deal, asshole. What were you trying to pull you little shit?” Bakugou yelled in his face.
Aizawa was alerted by the yelling and walked into the classroom. “What the hell is going on this early in the morning? Bakugou, why, per say, are you yelling and strangling Mineta?”
Bakugou turned to Aizawa, “This fucker was outing Deku!”
Aizawa turned to the class, “Is this true?”
“Yes Sensei.” Said the rest of Class 1-A in order to protect their resident sunshine.
“Mineta. Nezu. Now.” Said Aizawa.
That somehow reached everyone in the school by lunch time, enough time for one Monoma Neito to decide to harass Izuku about it. This became a constant in Izuku’s everyday life, reminding him of middle school. But this time, he had friends to back him up. Uraraka, Todoroki, and surprisingly even Kacchan helped him out. But still, it was a reminder that nowhere was safe and he was a target for bullying everywhere he went.
The pressure of trying to understand All Might’s quirk was also starting to get to him and the intense training he was put through without break was a lot for anyone to handle. The quirk was taking a toll on his body. The incessant attacks from Shigaraki also made him feel like the danger he was putting the class in was all his fault. He had no idea how to stop it and felt hopeless.
The one good thing about this time is that he and Kacchan were beginning to repair their relationship in a meaningful way. After Ground Beta they began to become friends again, and maybe even more if time allowed. But it was beginning to be too much for Izuku, he was beginning to slip into his old habits from middle school and it was not good for Izuku at all.
It all came to a head one day with Monoma that set him off. He was harassing Izuku again, and without his friends to protect him, Monoma went too far.
“Nobody could ever love someone like you! Why don’t you just go jump off a roof before you cause even more damage!”
Izuku shattered. It was middle school, nothing changed. Bakugou came running but it was too late, Izuku was gone. After Bakugou gave Momona a few punches he looked around for Deku, but couldn’t find him before class started. He went to class, but Izuku wasn’t there. He went all day without even a glimpse of Deku. Then, after classes ended for the day, it hit him. That day in middle school. It was the same. Bakugou took off running.
Cold, windy, wet. That's how Izuku felt. He felt numb and everything all at the same time. He was back on the roof, shoes off, crying just like middle school. Except this time, no one was there to stop him. He was going to do it.
Footsteps. Hurried footsteps.
Not again, Izuku thought. He didn't want anyone to stop him this time.
Kacchan. It was Kacchan. Again.
“DEKU DON”T YOU FUCKING DARE.” Kacchan yelled from the entrance.
The only thing Izuku could do was to keep on sobbing. He thought Kacchan would just leave him there again. He couldn’t comprehend it.
“Hey, hey, hey you’re okay it's okay.” Kacchan said unusually gently.
Izuku couldn’t respond. Kacchan just hugged him and rocked him back and forth until he calmed down.
“I love you so much it’s okay you’re safe now I’ll never let you go it’s okay.”
“Thank you- thank you Kacchan. I love you too”
Things once again got better after that. And they stayed that way. For once in Izuku’s life, he got to be happy.