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Ritsuka was familiar with heights. There had been times when he’d be transported a thousand miles above the ground, relying on his servants to soften his fall and survive. Alternatively, he had enough mana to cast a spell that could strengthen his body to be a bit more durable.
In other words, the feeling of his heart dropping was irrational at best, so why exactly was he so nervous?
“Husband, what happens now?”
Morgan le Fay, former monarch of Camelot and now servant-turned (self-proclaimed) wife, tugged at Ritsuka’s shirtsleeves. She was currently wearing a black turtleneck and jeans at Ritsuka’s behest to enjoy this halcyon moment before the next mission, although she was ready to wear her normal attire with a flick of her finger should she choose to do so.
Ritsuka stared at the great expanse before him- metal handlebars and a belt to keep him safe from the absolute horror that was the rollercoaster they were riding in this makeshift amusement park they recreated with the simulator in Chaldea.
He gulped.
“Well, we drop.”
Morgan squinted her eyes.
“You said this would be thrilling, and yet I’ve seen greater heights in my castle. How would falling be any thrilling when I, as a servant, am capable of jumping higher distances and-”
Ritsuka was only able to hear the clanging of metal as the rollercoaster dropped like a plastic bag of vegetable soup from the third floor. In an instant of realization, he found two reasons that pointed to him being so tense at the moment.
The first reason was that, despite the belts and handlebars there to keep him safe, they were also what strapped him into the ride. Essentially, they reminded him that he was bound to the terror of the rollercoaster, letting him experience the adrenaline rush of “anything could fall apart at any second and I wouldn’t be able to save myself”. The horror of rollercoasters was, after all, the tiny doubt that spreads like dread.
The second reason was the fear that Morgan probably wouldn’t enjoy the ride as much as he wished she would. She was hard to read, and Ritsuka figured that perhaps she only tagged along for his own benefit and not her own.
The second reason vanished immediately, however, when the ringing in Ritsuka’s ears died and he realized that half of the noises he was hearing from the twist and turns were Morgan’s constant screaming in abject horror, shouting “LET ME OUT!” and “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CONTRAPTION?!” only to be replied with the wind howling.
“What the hell…” Morgan covered her face as they walked out of the coaster. “I was so confident that it wouldn’t affect me, and yet the experience spoke for itself. I had the power to keep myself from getting hurt after falling from any height, but that… thing was able to bring me fear regardless. How? Answer me, husband!”
Ritsuka shrugged his shoulders.
“Maybe it’s just a psychological thing where depending on man-made things to keep you safe made you feel as vulnerable as the people who were wearing them? That’s what I think.”
Morgan pursed her lips.
“P-perhaps you are correct! There’s no way I would have a fear of heights, after all.” Her frown turned into a twisted smile. “I do not doubt that Altria would most likely feel the same horror if she tried it. In fact, she might be even more scared than I, am I right?”
Ritsuka laughed nervously, seeing as the sadism was letting Morgan calm down.
He’d rather not let her know that Altria had a tendency of taking off the belts and standing on the coaster itself like a woman possessed. Sometimes, she’d even bring an assault rifle to snipe unwanted servants from afar atop the rollercoaster, now there was a mess.
“So what next, husband? What do you suggest we partake in?” Morgan was back to her usual cold smirk, and it relieved Ritsuka to see her loosening up. Her aura had gone from this stuck-up and rigid queen into something more akin to a young woman hiding her excitement.
“Well, there’s a drop tower over there…” Ritsuka pointed at the huge-ish tower with a ring over it. “It only lasts for a minute, but it’s one hell of an experience-”
Morgan pushed Ritsuka’s arm down, her face becoming grim and fierce.
“No more of those rides!”
Ritsuka snickered. Well, there's fun to be had whenever one’s partner reveals a side of themselves unexpected but welcome. That was one extra button to push, he snickered mischievously. She raised an eyebrow over this unseen joke at her expense.
“There’s a merry-go-round over there, let’s go for it.” Ritsuka took her hand and guided her to their destination.
Morgan’s pulse quickened and her blood turned icy cold when she saw that it was another of those “thrill-rides”, but she calmed a bit when Ritsuka put a hand over her shoulder as they strapped in.
“It won’t be as bad.”
Morgan looked at the contraption: a tower in the middle that rose and spun around some chairs. It reminded her of the drop tower she saw (and avoided) earlier, but Ritsuka reassured her that the circular motion did well to disguise the feeling of rising and falling. Morgan was, understandably, still not fully convinced until she experienced it for herself. The contraption was virtually throwing its riders away, only being held securely by the seats, so it was still reminiscent of the coaster from earlier in some regard.
When her feet left the ground and she was meters above it, she felt a bit of an adrenaline rush, but Ritsuka’s hand held hers and squeezed it.
“Trust me.” He whispered as the ride started to spin.
“Do you swear by it?”
“I swear by it, wife.”
Morgan wasn’t used to whenever Ritsuka called her “wife” as she mostly expected her advances to be met with neutrality or indifference. Hearing him reciprocate her definition of him was both endearing and calming.
“I’m convinced.” She finally said, softly.
A few minutes later, there was some screaming. It wasn’t out of terror, however, but out of sheer glee that Morgan herself felt like she had long forgotten. There were no amusement park contraptions in the world she ruled for thousands of years, so the exhilaration from a day of enjoyment was foreign to her.
For how long have I been blind to something as fun as this?
Ritsuka was raising his hands and howling in delight. The other servants around them who were having fun in this simulated amusement park were also overcome with joy, unable to experience this in their own lives.
Morgan resigned to her seat and followed suit, cackling as the wind blew against her hair.
So Chaldea has become this hub for all of the long-dead and cold-hearted to feel the joys of the modern day. I never knew that life could be so… wonderful.
Ritsuka’s eyes were fixated on his beautiful companion, how her cold exterior now melted into a childish laughter that he doubted the thousand years of isolation and suffering could achieve. It was apparent that the jarring nature from the monarchy to everyday life would push her to feeling emotions she was unfamiliar with, comparable to taking a plane and flying high for the first time.
If only they could afford to do so, he would have gone to a thousand different amusement parks, one for every single day, but that was only a pipe dream.
“We’ve been in the simulator for too long. We can only go on one more ride.” Ritsuka painstakingly uttered, afraid to see Morgan le Fay’s smile drop but needing to do so regardless.
Surprisingly, she took the information well and merely shrugged.
“Then what do you suggest? Perhaps something a little more… thrilling?” Morgan asked.
“Well…”
“Do you not think this is quite an anticlimax after all the rides we rode today?” Morgan sighed as the Ferris wheel whirred its massive arms to bring them to the highest point in the makeshift park.
Ritsuka shrugged.
“A Ferris wheel isn’t meant to be thrilling, it’s honestly more about the experience of being stuck with someone in a room.”
Morgan pursed her lips and looked out.
“Ah… being in an enclosed space hundreds of feet above the ground. Stuck with someone and being unable to put up a struggle or risk falling to one’s death… is this what one calls a date rape?”
Ritsuka’s face was flustered.
“N-no! It’s… you’re supposed to go in with friends and it’s not meant to be… there’s no rape involved, alright?”
“Even though one would normally be unable to run away-”
“DON’T RUIN FERRIS WHEELS FOR ME!” Ritsuka shouted before falling to his seat, causing the metal egg that carried them to shake ever slightly. Afterwards, he sighed and knocked his fingers over the glass. “It’s quiet up here, and you can see the entire park and the surrounding area, like you’re the king of the clouds.”
Morgan nodded, her own fingers touching the glass and her eyes staring out the window.
“If you wanted silence, then am I right to guess that there was something you wished to tell me?”
She knew Ritsuka so well despite having little time together. He figured it was because he was essentially going to go through the same things she had, and had already a taste of the very same horrors she faced.
He remembered the first time he saved the world. The Mage’s Association was very distrustful of him despite his selfless endeavors and he risked being arrested unless he downplayed his own involvement.
All of his achievements amounted to nothing, essentially, and all of the mind-breaking horrors he faced would be unrecognized and forgotten by the very world he saved.
“We’re almost at the end of the journey.” Ritsuka uttered, his breath frail and his eyes tired. “A few more steps before we can save the world.”
“Yes, save the world. Your world, specifically…” Morgan breathed a sigh. “Afterwhich, you risk being betrayed by the very people you saved, and you will be unknown to the world you helped revive. A normal life is impossible for you, seeing as the horrors of your own adventure would eat at you forever, and you will be watched by the other mages for the rest of your life, ready to put you to death at any time.”
“We don’t know until it happens-”
“It’s human nature to be afraid of something you could not control. Chaldea is no exception, especially you, the master of hundreds of heroic spirits and counter guardians with each having power unimaginable.” Morgan’s eyes stared into Ritsuka, burning an image in his mind of a woman who was both furious and scared for him. “I do not know for how long we can protect you, or for how long until we part, but all I know is that I find it difficult to fulfill my obligation to you.”
“Morgan…”
She looked up at the ceiling in a fit of reminiscence, her mind winding back to the kind of life she led before her death.
“All I ever wanted was to be the ruler to give my people the joys they deserved, but I lost it all along the way from circumstances I am unable to discern myself.” She spoke wistfully and regrettably. “Now, when I promise to hold onto the ones I love and keep them safe, I start thinking that perhaps I will once again lose it all beyond my control. It is the same fear of the Mage’s Association, but fulfilled in a different manner, and both of them pertain to you.”
Ritsuka bit his lip in shame. He looked down to his feet, afraid that she would see right through him when she would lower her gaze.
“I’m sorry, I never realized that I’d be hurting you by leaving my fate in the hands of others in the end away from you.”
“Of course it would!” She said forcefully, but Ritsuka didn’t want to know what expression she was making.
“But I’ve already accepted my fate. I’m saving the world of people who will no doubt breathe down my neck until the day I die… simply because it’s the right thing to do.”
Ritsuka finally looked up, his eyes dedicated, unnerving the former queen of Camelot. Her majesty could only stare in silence as their eyes met and fixated upon the other.
There was no talking him out of this, she realized.
Her cold stare formed a glimmer as her mouth began to grin.
“You are stronger than I in that regard, and I am truly blessed to have been able to spend my time with you.” She shifted her seating and moved to Ritsuka’s side, causing the ferris wheel to move out of balance.
“W-woah!” Ritsuka yelped as the contraption moved from the lack of balance.
“But as long as you are within arm’s reach…” Morgan continued, her fingers against Ritsuka’s own. “I will hold you, protect you, and love you until the end.”
Ritsuka smiled. It was a weird smile, a tad nervous from either the ride or the contact between them.
“It would be nice to think, though,” Morgan continued, “that there may be a chance we could end up this way. Us two at a real Ferris wheel, staring down at the world as if we owned it.”
“Yeah, that’s a nice thought.” Ritsuka replied, knowing full well that it was an outcome that breached the realms of impossibility. “And we could live a fairly normal life, where you and I would get jobs and go home every night… maybe we could have Baobhan Sith with us so you could dote over her. We could go to an amusement park every time something nice happens, and maybe eat somewhere expensive when we both have the money for it.”
Morgan smirked.
“You would allow yourself to give me and my daughter a normal life?”
Ritsuka nodded.
“I’d do it for any of my servants… but I might have a bit of a bias for you.”
Morgan reeled back, her surprise evident across her face as the warm, fuzzy feeling reached her cheeks. She placed her hands over her chest, feeling her servant heart beat with the same tones as a woman in love.
“What I would do to be able to see that through.” She whimpered to herself, her eyes closed and scared to drop the tears she imagined were impossible for the longest time. “What I would do for a proper family that cared, that loved, that… wanted me around.”
Morgan le Fay, the villainess of Arthurian legend, was trying to imagine a life separate from her own life, her own pains… a life where she wouldn’t amount to anything to anyone except the ones she cared about. She would be a normal, everyday person who could finally find peace in her turbulent existence. She would finally have a family.
“When we know what we want and get something else, it is painful because we keep hoping.” Morgan continued, her chest heaving. “You are giving me hope, husband. It hurts.”
She was within distance of what a normal life was like. Ritsuka was merely inches away, and yet…
She knew it wasn’t going to happen.
Ritsuka was silent, knowing full well that no words were there to dispel the truth. Mages might have had words for spells and powers unknown, but there was not a word to comfort anyone from dread.
Instead, he settled for taking Morgan’s hand with one hand, and placing her within his arms with the other hand.
The Ferris wheel had reached its destination back to the surface.
The door was open. The two stepped out.
Ritsuka finally spoke.
“If today gave you this sort of joy, then no matter what happens anymore, I’ll be happy.” He smiled, his fingers against her chin pulling her from despair and into his eyes. “My memories will never be the same. Making you happy was worth it, and I'll never forget this for the rest of my life.”
Morgan wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
“Now and forever?” She asked gingerly, softly like the whisper of wind on a cloudy day.
“Now and forever.” He replied with a smile that was trying to be strong for her.
Maybe someday it wouldn’t be impossible. Maybe things will get better in the end. Maybe… maybe Morgan will get her own happy ending eventually, just as the pitiful Altria was able to wait forever for her own happy ending in the garden of Avalon.
Morgan decided that she wanted to wait there too, after the end. Just this once, maybe there would be a place for her of her own volition and not imparted to her by the will of any other. There would be no people, no bloodlines, and no destinies: only one's desire and her capacity to receive it.
And they shared a kiss. Against the fresh breeze of the simulated night, her lips were warm, although salty from the tears she was unable to wipe away. His hands were over the base of her neck and shoulders while she was wrapping her arms over his head and pulling him closer.
Amidst the death and despair,
Amidst the heartbreak they share,
Amidst the looming sunrise
That threatened unfair,
The dream refused to meet its end
Until one met the other again.