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when jim first used grave sand, it was under strickler’s counsel.
it was a training day for the two, and he was advised to take the grave sand in order to improve his performance. he was weary, at first, about losing his identity as a human (at some point, the words blinky had offered were thrown away to make way for new ones), and could only think about how this would ruin him and his mentality. the grave sand was a risk he couldn’t afford, especially if he could gain new allies and abilities instead. it was like using steroids to compete in the olympics, even though you didn’t technically need them to win. a desperate attempt at skill more than an actual advantage in his eyes. he vowed not to use it unless absolutely necessary.
that time came a lot sooner rather than later. strickler had requested he come down for yet another training session, using the excuse that ‘he really does need all the training he can get, even if it’s not particularly favourable’. he had agreed with that sentiment, and had gone only after telling blinky, making sure he was aware of where he was going this time. past him would tell you he felt bad about the events that transpired that night, surely — he had gotten too worked up from not being able to down strickler, and his newfound mentor suggested he practice in a fluid environment outside of the sewers. a trip to a late night park here, a museum trip there, until strickler once again brought up the grave sand, siting it as a resource rather than ‘inhaling troll dust’.
he had… reluctantly accepted. he found it was the first time he had landed an actual injury on his new mentor.
his third time, he was enjoying his night out with toby. his only date in a while, he feels the need to add, and the last thing on his mind was strickler’s training or how he went about it — he just wanted to watch a movie with his best friend, maybe eat some nachos, and enjoy what they had while they still could.
claire and mary couldn’t make it that night, so it was a surprise when they were told to immediately get to claire’s house. they found that claire’s body was possessed, and morgana was piloting it into fights with strickler and blinky. they needed jim and toby to fend her off for a bit.
jim hadn’t thought much of it when he took the sand that time. it was something he knew would help with the fight regardless of if he even needed it or not, and with claire’s body possessed… well, didn’t have to use his armour or sword, and instead handle it with only the dust itself. toby looked both surprised and disappointed to see his eyes glow that menacing yellow, but he decidedly didn’t say anything.
then the fourth came along. toby had been with him again, but he found himself being… judged, it seemed like, by his boyfriend. his eyes were yellow again, but he couldn’t bring himself to see the issue in what he was doing? he was using something that gunmar refused — or didn’t need — to, giving him and his team the advantage in the battle. he just wanted to protect toby and claire.
by the time the grave sand wore off, the trollhunters had retreated back into the sewers, planning on recouping before tackling the tyrant again. he had fully planned on taking more, even stashing some away for easy access, but toby had actually gotten in the way of that — the teenager approached him.
“he-ey, jimbo. you know how we’ve been friends for, like, ever, and dating for… a year?” toby had asked him. the two were sitting on a few old tires, far enough away from the others to not be heard. jim nodded at toby, a bit weary as to what was about to happen. he didn’t like what this implied. walking up to him while he was separating the sand, staring at his eyes when he thought jim wouldn’t notice; he was about to lecture him about it.
jim nodded slowly, swallowing and looking away, and toby suddenly felt bad about this. he didn’t know how to approach the subject — he knew why jim used the grave sand and nearly understood it, but seeing his boyfriend like that… he was a completely different person. his eyes were that of a changeling’s, and his personality was filled with anger and disgust. jim’s kind and human nature were what made jim jim, and without them, he seemed like a parallel version. he could only imagine what he had gotten into with strickler alone.
each and every fight had taken a complete toll on all of them, but jim seemed to be taking it the lightest. he seemed to like the fights and mini triumphs, always finding something to challenge. his anger only carried him into battle, whereas the need to win finished it; if someone were to challenge him without the use of the powder, he’d most likely back down. this is a side of jim he’s never liked.
…but he supports him, and wants him to be happy. jim hasn’t changed outwardly outside the sand, and it seems like it’s going to stay that way. he just seems happier, now, and glad to be around the ones he’s able to more adequately protect form danger. in fact, when on the battlefield, he tends to self sacrifice for them, knowing he wont take enough damage for it to really matter. harmful habits that inevitably make him happier and the people around him safer.
which leads him to finishing what was going to be his long lecture. he’s never been a man of speaking completely from his heart, and this was one of the most complicated talks he would have to have with jim. a fight would ensue, he just knew it, and he - he doesn’t want that right now. at least they’re all relatively safe if not happy.
toby drops his hands, interlacing his fingers eoth jim’s at the side. their shoulders were touching lightly, and jim’s eyes were closed in anticipation. toby sighed into a smile. “…never mind, dude. just wanted to say i love you.”
when jim grinned lopsidedly, shoulders dropping to a more relaxed look, toby almost felt better. “i love you too, tobes. never forget that.” then, after a quick peck to his forehead, “hey, you want to go get some tacos? they’re on me.”
toby let out a quiet laugh, leaning into him. “of course, jimbo. you know me so well.”