Chapter Text
A good day.
Wen Qing started her day at the Burial Mounds. No toddler hiding behind her skirts. No adult-acting-like-a-toddler chasing after the toddler hiding behind her skirts.
No. She was just peacefully eating the berries Uncle Four foraged. It is the definition of a good day for her.
Until it wasn't…
Boom!
"Ahhhhhh…."
"WEI WUXIAN!!!" Wen Qing shouted as she marched towards his den, ridiculously called Demon-Slaughtering Cave.
"Wen Qing! Help!" Wei Wuxian started as she took in his form.
He has 2 toddlers of the same age as A-Yuan clinging to his side. Twins? A boy and a girl. She mused. The boy has the color of gold as his eye. The girl has Wei Wuxian's silver. Is this Wei Wuxian's love child? But how can that be? I've never seen a girl with a golden eye at the foot of the mountain bringing these children. The boy is crying his heart out, while the girl is suspiciously silent but kept on clinging to his side.
Both toddlers are dressed in black and red robes. Surprisingly, the twins have Wei Wuxian's looks but there is something that feels off with their appearance. Not only did they look like Wei Wuxian, but there is also something that blends in it. And their hairs! One looks a bit disheveled, while the other one stays perfectly straight!
Looking at the sight in front of her, she can't help but thought that they look like a family.
"Wen Qing! Help! What do I do? They won't stop crying!" Wei Wuxian said when he finally saw Wen Qing.
Wen Qing rolled her eyes, her questions can wait until later. "Soothe them as you do with A-Yuan!"
Wei Wuxian obeyed her. He soothes them but his eyes are still wide in panic. The children calmed down but stayed fisting and clinging to Wei Wuxian.
"Right. So? Spill it out. What did you do?" Wen Qing demanded.
The children lifted their eyes and glared suspiciously at Wen Qing. Wei Wuxian clutched his chest in mock offense. "Qing-Jie, ah! Why must you blame me in this situation?? You wound me!"
Wen Qing's eyebrows twitched. "Stop your whining! What the hell happened?"
Wei Wuxian told her what happened.
After a while, Wen Qing let out a sigh and summarized his explanation. "Let me get this straight. You were trying to make yourself the master of that demonic amulet. And when you finally thought you made it, an explosion happened and these children are now in front of you?"
Wei Wuxian nodded obediently. Others would have found it adorable, but not Wen Qing. Her I-have-a-little-brother sense is acting up, therefore she is already immune to it.
Wen Qing sighed and asked him to list down the requirements so she could take a look at them.
Wei Wuxian managed to get a blank talisman while the toddlers are still clinging to him. He listed down all the requirements he sought for the Stygian Tiger Amulet to be his and his alone.
Obedient…Filial…Connected to me…Sentient...
The more Wen Qing reads, the closer her brows met. She closed her eyes and placed two fingers at her temple, massaging it. She opened it only to glare at Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian cowered at her gaze looking like he was about to be scolded. Unconsciously, he held the toddlers closer. The children happily obliged and hugged him tighter.
"What…do you really want to make?" Wen Qing started. Patience, Wen Qing. You've dealt with this idiot for more than a month already. You've also cut his body open. Patience…
Wei Wuxian looked at her confused. "A tool with only me as its Master?"
Wen Qing sharply glared at him. "Bullshit! These requirements clearly fill that of a child! The twins are your demonic Amulet! It did not take you as its master! It takes you as it's MOTHER!"
It did not take you as its master! It takes you as it's MOTHER!
It did not take you as its master! It takes you as it's MOTHER!
It did not take you as its master! It takes you as it's MOTHER!
"A what, now????!!!!"
"Niang~!!!" Both twins exclaimed.
Wei Wuxian walks at the Burial Mounds with children clinging to his legs.
Seriously! I am going to cry! Why does it look like Granny and Auntie Three are about to burst out laughing???
"Xian-gege!" A-Yuan shouted.
Oh, crap! I'll have three children now? Wasn't A-Yuan sleeping earlier?? Why did you wake so early A-Yuan, ahhh!
It really isn't early. A-Yuan just had a nap earlier and woke up after 2 hours.
"Xian-gege! Are these my siblings???" A-Yuan happily exclaimed as he scooted over to look at the twins who pasted themselves at Wei Wuxian's legs.
"Si-Siblings? A-Yuan, ah, wh-where did you get that? What siblings?" Wei Wuxian stammered.
A-Yuan looked at him thinking as if he has grown another head. "Weren't you telling me that you'll give me siblings once you've planted and watered them? Xian-gege, did you harvested them already? What are their names?"
That's right. I told A-Yuan I planted them. Yes, no harm in telling A-Yuan! He is just a kid after all. Wait, a name? Holy fuck. They do not have a name yet. Come on Wei Wuxian…Think!
Wei Wuxian blurted out, "The girl is named Yin, Wei Yin. The boy is named Hu, Wei Hu." Crap, I don't know what to name them! Since they are my Yin Hu Fu, Wei Yin and Wei Hu are good names, right?
The twins preened at their names. In turn, they hugged Wei Wuxian's head tighter.
Out of the blue, Wen Qing's voice rang. "Wei Wuxian! Go, buy some radishes! We have to give your kids some nutrients." She eyed the three kids surrounding Wei Wuxian.
"Wen Qing! Why not potatoes? Potatoes are better!"
"Radishes! You'll come back with radishes! Or else…" She threatened him with her needles.
"Okay! Okay! Radishes, it is!" But I'll still ask for potatoes.
"Come pick these three kids up first! I can't go on the town with them clinging to me!"
When Wen Qing crouches down and goes to pick up A-Yuan, the child fisted the robes of Wei Yin. "No, Auntie Qing! I'll go with Xian-gege."
"A-Yuan, you can't. Stay here first, until you Xian-gege return, okay?"
"Nooo." Tears are threatening to fall from his eyes.
While the twins are not saying anything, they are visibly hugging Wei Wuxian's legs tighter.
Wen Qing looked up from where she was crouching. "Looks like you're going to town with these kids."
"What? No!!! What if I lost them?" Wei Wuxian said slightly panicked.
Wen Qing did not reply but told the kids, "Hold on to each other so you will not be lost."
The three kids nodded at her and waved a hand.
Wen Qing stands up. "Go on, now."
Wei Wuxian wanted to protest but one look from Wen Qing made him shut up. Wen Qing went back to her hut.
"Alright kids, let's go. Behave and hold on to me tightly. A-Yin, you look like you are about to topple over. Come, let me carry you. You two, hold on tightly to my legs."
"A-Niang, where are we going?"
"We are going to town, Xiao-Hu. And can you call me Baba, instead of A-Niang? If not, just gege."
"Noo… A-Niang is A-Niang."
"A-Yin, don't you nod. Haah, fine, fine. Call me A-Niang, if you want. Okay? Stop wobbling your lips Xiao-Hu."
"They are calling you A-Niang, Xian-gege? Can I call you that too?"
"You too, A-Yuan?"
"Please?"
"Okay. Okay. Hold that tears. Let's go."
Wei Wuxian was bargaining to the potato vendor when A-Yuan caught sight of toys. He lets go of Wei Wuxian's legs and made way to the store. Unfortunately, he was short and he lost his way due to the people walking left and right.
Xiao-Hu noticed his Yuan-gege lets go of his A-Niang's legs. He followed him closely and held his arms. They were both lost until they've caught a flash of white. A-Yuan remembered that his Xian-gege always told him that white means safety so A-Yuan dragged Xiao-Hu there.
The white-robed cultivator stops walking and looks down at his legs when he felt that something, or rather someone, was attached to it.
A-Yuan felt that they stopped walking. He looks up to ask why but he feels threatened with the way the man looks at him, so he cried. Loudly.
Xiao-Hu does not know why his Yuan-gege started crying. He just kept on clinging to the white-robed man while sucking at his thumb. This man has the same aura as my sister!
The white-robed cultivator does not know what to do. He kept on standing there looking lost. Minutes have probably passed because the villagers already circled on him while gossiping.
"Where is the guardian of that child? His crying woke me up!"
"Look, look! That guy is definitely the father! The crying child has his nose. While the one clinging to him has his eyes and hair!"
"He must be new to fatherhood. He doesn't know how to comfort babes."
"Aish! Where is the mother anyway? If you do not know how to comfort them, call their mother, boy!"
The white-robed cultivator is slightly panicked. He was now thinking back on what could've happened that these kids managed to attach themselves on his legs. "I- I am not their father…"
"How can you not be their father? You look like them! Quick! Where is your wife??"
A-Yuan, on the other hand, feels distressed. Therefore, he can only repeat the words he is hearing. "Die…! Die-Die! A-DIE!"
Xiao-Hu, noticing that his Yuan-gege is calling the man A-Die, also joined. He happily called the man, "A-Die!", while bouncing at his feet.
Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian stopped negotiating with the potato vendor and was about to leave. He looks down at his legs when he felt that it was light. He felt his heart was about to leap out of his chest and then panics.
A-Yuan?! Xiao-Hu?! Qing-Jieee!!! I've lost them!!! I told you!!!! Nooo! My kids!!!!
"A-YUAN!!! XIAO-HU!!! Where are you???!! XIAO-HU!!! A-YUAN!!!" Wei Wuxian even checks his sleeves to see if his kids are there.
Then, Wei Wuxian heard a child crying. He immediately went to the sound. He noticed the villager circling someone. He looks to see who that one is and promptly burst out laughing.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Lan Zhan, ah! What are you doing here at Yiling? And why are you kidnapping my children???!
He abruptly stopped his laugh when he remembered his conversation with Wen Qing earlier.
"I just have one question." Wen Qing said.
"Hm? What is it?" Wei Wuxian inquired.
"Why does the boy have a golden eye when your eyes are silver? And why is the girl so silent when you are so loud?"
"Hm? Golden eyes? Silent? It's as if you are describing Lan Zhan!"
"Lan Zhan…? Lan Wangji, Hanguang-Jun?"
"Mnn. He has these pretty golden orbs and he is so stoic! So silent!"
Wen Qing raised a brow in surprise. Then, she narrowed her eyes. She hummed, "Are you thinking of Hanguang-Jun when you are doing this to your demonic amulet?"
"Oh, yes! How did you know? Remember from one of the requirements I have, it says 'obedient'! And Lan Zhan is so obedient! Always following the rules! Fuddy-duddy."
Wen Qing huffed, amused.
Now, seeing Xiao-Hu with Lan Wangji, he can't help but blush. Are A-Yin and Xiao-Hu our lovechild then? No. No. Wei Wuxian! Stop blushing!
A-Yin looks at her A-Niang and lets out a confused noise and then glared at where he is looking at.
Wei Wuxian heard her and just smiled reassuringly at her. "Let's go get your brothers, hmm?" Gods…Even A-Yin's demeanor is the same as Lan Zhan! How am I gonna face him now??
Wei Wuxian, then, shouted at Lan Wangji. "LAN ZHAN!"
The white-robed cultivator looks at the sound of his name. Lan Wangji visibly relaxed seeing Wei Wuxian. The tightness around his shoulders, his knitted brow, and pursed lips are long forgotten. Wei Ying! You're here!... Help me, first!
A-Yuan and Xiao-Hu, hearing their A-Niang's voice, ran up to him. They both shouted, "A-NIANG!"
"A-Niang? That's the mother?"
"Doesn't that looks like a man?"
"No. No. The waist is small, the hips are a little wide. That's a girl, for sure."
"Well, if you say so. And the kids says A-Niang too, anyway."
"Out, now! Out, now! The show is over! Go, go!" Wei Wuxian said as he lets A-Yin down and goes to her brother. He picks up A-Yuan and soothes him.
Lan Wangji finally spoke up. "Wei Ying. The children…?"
"I birthed them! Look! Don't they look like me?" He crouched down to level his face with the twins, then he looks up at Lan Wangji to look at his reaction.
Lan Wangji looks like his soul has been sucked out of him. Wei Ying…? What-What about me? Wei Ying…I thought…wait…
Wei Wuxian was about to laugh at his reaction, when he heard Lan Wangji say in a small voice, "Yes, but why do they also look like…me?"
Wei Wuxian feels his laughter turn into a choke. He coughed and looked awkwardly at Lan Wangji. "A-ah. Haha. W-What are you talking about Lan Zhan? What 'look like you'? Do they? Hahaha."
Lan Wangji, oblivious to Wei Wuxian's panic, innocently says, "Yes. Look. This boy has my eyes, while this girl looks exactly like me but with silver eyes." Wei Ying! Did my erotic dream let you conceive? Is this our child?? He thought with red ears.
Wei Wuxian awkwardly laugh and did not answer Lan Wangji. He turned to A-Yuan and pointed at the toys. "A-Yuan. You like that?"
A-Yuan looks to where Wei Wuxian is pointing. Pouting, he said, "Yes."
"Hahahaha. Okay, let's go."
Lan Wangji noticed that Wei Wuxian is not going to answer his question anymore so he dropped the subject. He saw that Wei Wuxian did not buy his toys. "Why did you not buy it?"
"Buying and asking aren't the same things."
"Which one do you want?" Lan Wangji asked A-Yuan.
A-Yuan warily looked at him.
"The toys. Which one do you want?"
A-Yuan pointed at the butterfly. Lan Wangji bought it. He also bought one of each toy he saw and gave them to Wei Wuxian and the other kids.
"Aish. Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian shook his head fondly. "Come, come. Let me take you to dinner."
"Mn."
Xiao-Hu and A-Yuan happily scooted over to Lan Wangji, when their order has come.
"Tsk. Xiao-Hu. A-Yuan. Get over here, so you won’t dirty his white robes.
Xiao-Hu protested cutely, "…but Niang…" He pouted at Lan Wangji.
A-Yuan just hugged Lan Wangji tighter.
A-Yin narrowed his eyes at Lan Wangji. At least, she wasn't glaring at me anymore. Lan Wangji thought.
Wei Wuxian sighed. He was about to scold them again but Lan Wangji interjected. "Let them be. It's fine." I can't resist that pout, Wei Ying! He just looks like you! I can't help it.
A-Yin looked at her A-Niang. "A-Niang, who is this?"
And because she is her mother's daughter, "Is he our father?" She asked, faintly smirking. Smirking.
Wei Wuxian turned wide-eyed at his A-Yin and then narrowed it playfully. Lan Wangji said nothing but his red ears gave him away.
Wei Wuxian coughed and said, "A-Yin, Xiao-Hu, A-Yuan. This is Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji."
Lan Wangji nodded at them.
"Lan Zhan, this is Wei Yin, Wei Hu, and Wen Yuan."
The three clumsily bowed at him when Wei Wuxian spontaneously thought them how to respond.
At this point, they started eating.
"I like you. I like you, too." A-Yuan mumbled while he was playing with his butterfly.
"Goodness, A-Yuan! Where did you even learn that? I like you. I like you, too. Pft."
"Speech is forbidden while dining." Lan Wangji said. A-Yuan looked at him confused.
"Do not talk while eating." He said again gently. A-Yuan nodded and continued to eat quietly.
"How did you do that? He never listens to me when I say so." Wei Wuxian complained.
"Speech is forbidden while dining. You, too."
"Lan Zhan, ah, Lan Zhan. You really haven't changed." Wei Wuxian said, smiling fondly.
A-Yin and Xiao-Hu however never stop mumbling.
Lan Wangji tried to reprimand them but they only look at him with their puppy eyes and continued to converse quietly. Wei Wuxian tried not to laugh at him.
Wei Wuxian interjected, "Alright, alright. Eat first, my babies. Continue your talk later."
The twins look at him and puppy-eyed. "Nope. That won't work at me."
"Niang~"
"Wei Yin. Wei Hu."
"Okay." They said and reluctantly goes back to eating quietly.
After they eat, Lan Wangji said gloomily. "Congratulations on your marriage."
"Ma-…? Marriage? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA What marriage are you talking about Lan Zhan? HAHAHAHAHA I am not married. And if I am you will surely be there." With me. And we will bow together, three times. Wait…no! Stop that!
"You are not married?" I have a chance?
"Of course not! Why would you think so?"
"You have kids."
Wei Wuxian stared at him. "Pft. Okay. Okay. I will tell you now why they look like me and why they also look like you."
Lan Wangji looks at him intently.
"It's like this-"
He was cut off by a burning talisman Wei Wuxian took inside his robes.
"The Burial Mounds!!!
Kids, come on! We need to go back."
Wei Wuxian picked up the closest kid next to him and it is A-Yin. "Come. Xiao-Hu. A-Yuan. Follow me."
"Where is your sword?" Lan Wangji asked after he paid for their meals.
"Don't know! I forgot it! And how can I ride a sword with three kids clinging to me?"
"Come. I'll carry all of you."
Lan Wangji took A-Yuan and Wei Wuxian took Xiao-Hu. He adjusted the twins on his hips, while Lan Wangji unsheathed his sword.
Lan Wangji hopped on his sword and gently guide Wei Wuxian. He supported Wei Wuxian's slim waist mid-air.