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He collected his books, slung the bag over his shoulder and left the classroom. This was his daily routine now, go to school and then go home, nothing else. On his way back home, he couldn’t help thinking about how everything had changed. Not long ago, he would be very excited to meet the Gaim members after school, to practice dancing together. Not anymore, not after what I have done. He smiled bitterly.
Half a year after the Helheim invasion, Zawame city had much been back to its normal. People had come back to their daily routines, studying, working, enjoying their lives. Everyone seemed happy, as if nothing had ever happened. Yggdrasill was still running though, repairing the remaining damage; besides, it had more function other than dealing with the Inves and Overlords. Everything seemed fine.
Mitsuzane opened the door and stepped inside, just as Takatora walking down the grand stairs. “I’m home, nii-san.”, he said quietly, keeping his eyes low. He had been having difficulties looking his brother straight in the eyes, after he had almost killed him. Well, he would have actually killed Takatora, if it hadn’t been for that miracle. Takatora nii-san sure had a lot of luck.
“Mitsuzane… How is school?”, Takatora nodded, eyed his younger brother to find if there is something wrong.
“It’s okay, nii-san… I… I’m going to my room now.” Mitsuzane said as he headed toward his room after looking at his brother for approval.
“Um. Come down for dinner later, okay?”
Mitsuzane nodded.
As the door shut closed, Takatora couldn’t help but think about how his little brother had changed. Mitsuzane had never been a talkative boy, but back then he was more… lively, there had been something in his eyes that showed Takatora that his brother was still there. And he bet that Mitsuzane had been active and full of vitality as a Beat Rider.
Now Mitsuzane barely talked, barely left his room except for meals and school. Takatora hardly saw him anymore. Sometimes he could hear his brother crying in his room, but when he asked if there was something wrong, Mitsuzane always denied it and said that he was fine. Fortunately, though, Takatora hadn’t caught any sign of him doing something stupid to himself.
It had been more than half a year since the invasion, yet Mitsuzane didn’t seem to get over it. He knew that Mitsuzane had made bad decisions, and that he was still feeling guilty of what he had done in the past, but he should get over it and truly live again. Takatora had forgiven him, actually he hadn’t even blamed his brother in the first place, and he thought everyone else would too. He could see that Mitsuzane had been trying very hard to redeem himself; he was doing well at school and did everything Takatora told him to. He also heard from the hospital nurses Mitsuzane had come every day to take care of him when he had been in a coma, which made them so fond of his little brother. But the important thing was that Mitsuzane should forgive himself, learn from his mistakes and move on. He still had a long road ahead, and Takatora couldn’t stand seeing his brother stay like this forever.
Kouta was looking at him, eyes wide with disbelief. “Micchi… Why… Why are you doing this to me?” The front of his white shirt turned crimson, he collapsed, hand clutching at his wound.
Mitsuzane looked down at his hands. His fingertips were red with Kouta’s blood. “No… No… Kouta-san!” I didn’t kill him, did I? But… For what?... Mai-san!
Mai was lying on the surgical table, white cloth covering her entire body. No, this can’t be true. Mai-san… He pulled down the cloth, hands trembling. Mai’s face was as white as the cloth covering her. “You killed me, Micchi.” Mai suddenly appeared next to him, almost transparent.
“Mai-san!...”
“You killed me, Micchi!”
“No… No! I’m doing this to protect you!”
Mai smirked. The smirk looked foreign on her face. “You? Protect me? You aren’t protecting anyone! You are just protecting yourself, you selfish bastard!”
The scene changed again. Takatora, with his Armored Rider mask broken, was falling into the sea. Everything happened in slow motion. Mitsuzane could see the disappointment, accusation and hatred in his brother’s eyes. He looked at the Sonic Arrow he was holding, hand shaking. No… No… Not again…
Everything turned black and he felt himself falling.
Mitsuzane woke up with a start. He had had the same nightmare for a few times, but couldn’t stop thinking about it. There was no denying the fact that he had killed Mai-san, physically. Although she had become some kind of goddess, killing was killing nonetheless. He briefly wondered when he would be able to overcome all these guilty feelings. But then again, he shouldn’t, he should live with these forever. He deserved this.
Mitsuzane looked at the clock on the bedside drawers. It was still early in the morning. After staying in bed for a few more minutes, he decided to go for a walk, as he didn’t have school today and couldn’t go back to sleep either. Changing out of his nightclothes, Mitsuzane quietly left the house. The sky was still a little bit dark since the sun hadn’t fully risen yet. The air was fresh, and a cool breeze was blowing. There were few people on the street, which was just fine for Mitsuzane. He had never especially liked crowded places anyway.
Before he knew it, he had stood in front of the public stage where team Gaim had performed before. Now it was one of the stages for all Beat Riders. Not long ago, he had been dancing on this stage too, along with other members. He missed those old days, when Kouta-san and Mai-san and Yuuya-san were still here. They were always family to him. No, you don’t deserve to be a part of Gaim or even the Beat Riders, you traitor. He sighed.
Everyone must hate me now. What have I done anyway? I killed Mai-san, hurt Kouta-san, threw an Inves on Peco, put Rat and Chucky in danger, almost killed nii-san; I had lied to them all the time. I don’t deserve anything, after I’ve broken what I have… If only I had made different choices back then… Nii-san probably doesn’t want to see me either. He must have kicked me out if it weren’t for duty. If I were him, I wouldn’t want a traitor wandering in my house anyway… '
“I’m tired! Let’s have a rest!”
“You have only been running for five minutes. C’mon, Peco!”
“But why do we have to run? It’s Sunday, I should be getting my beauty sleep now, instead of running my ass off with you!”
“Stop complaining! You need a good health to dance!”
“I’ve never done exercises in my life, and I can dance just fine!”
Hearing no response, Peco turned to Zack. He had slowed down, almost walking now.
“Is that… Micchi?”
There was no mistake that the person sitting on the stage was Micchi. Zack started to run toward him, but Peco pulled his arm. “What are you doing?” he hissed.
“Talking to him, of course. Hey, Micchi!”
Mitsuzane wiped his head around at the call of his name to see two familiar persons rushing to his direction. He quickly got to his feet and started running. It was not until Zack and Peco were out of sight that he slowed down and came to a stop, catching his breath. It’s better this way, not to see them. He thought. He had done so much harm to them that the best thing to do now was to stay away from them. You are such a coward, running away like this. He sighed and headed home.
“Why is it raining? We can’t dance in the rain!” Rat sighed, looking through the window.
“Ne, don’t be so upset. We still have a bunch of opportunities to dance, right?” Chucky said. “Besides, I have another plan for today.”
“Huh? What is it?”
“Cleaning the garage! It’s been a long time since we last cleaned it, and the garage is getting too messy!”
“Oh no….” a few sighs were heard.
“I think it’s a good idea. We can’t dance in this weather anyway.” Zack said, folding his arm. “And if we don’t do the cleaning soon, we won’t have enough place to practice” He took off his coat “Let’s get started!”
There were a lot of trash and dust in the garage, unsurprisingly. The dancers began to clean the car, the windows, the bar island and many other things; throw away the trash and wiped the floor. It sounded simple, but after more than two hours of cleaning, everyone got tired, except for Zack and Chucky. They still seemed energetic as ever.
“It’s done! Isn’t our garage shining?” Chucky clapped her hands together, a big smile on her face. “Oh wait! One more thing!” Whines echoed in the room.
She opened the metal closet in the corner of the garage to show a mess of clothes and towels in it. They were clean though, just a bit… unorganized. “I have to do something about it.” Chucky put her hands on her hips. She took the pile of clothes out of the closet, threw it on the sofa, then sat down next to it and started to fold the clothes, one by one.
“You really don’t have to do that, Chucky.” Zack said hesitantly.
“Yeah, it will become messy eventually.”
“Nope, I’ll do it. And your job is to keep the closet organized from now on, okay?” Chucky lifted her head once then continued her work.
“Let me help you!” Rica sat next to the pile on the opposite side.
“Thanks, Rica!” Chucky smiled “And you guys…” She looked at the boys “Go watch TV or anything, your work is done for today. Thanks for cleaning the garage.”
…
The rain was pouring down heavily. Mitsuzane walked home from school, not rushing at all. He didn’t bring his umbrella, again. And now the rain was beating against his face; chilly wind blew through his now drip wet coat, making him shiver. His hands were cold and he could feel the water seeping through his school uniform. But somehow, he liked this, the cold feeling. It just seemed… right. Mitsuzane reached the mansion, pushed the grand door to step inside, but not after squeezing the water from his clothes, as much as he could, to prevent wetting the floor. He didn’t want to give the servants more jobs than they’d already had.
Nii-san isn’t home yet. He sighed. His brother had been very busy lately and Mitsuzane could see him getting thinner. All because of me. If I hadn’t done anything stupid… But I did. No returning now. He moved his feet heavily toward his room. Maybe he would skip dinner today.
…
“What’s wrong, Chucky?” Rica looked concerned. Chucky had been looking at a piece of clothing silently.
“Rica, what should we do with this?” The others turned around to look at her. She raised it up to reveal a hoodie, a Gaim hoodie. And there was only one person in Gaim wearing a hoodie.
“Throw it away! What else?” Peco nearly shouted.
The garage was silent. “Actually, guys…” Zack said “I met Micchi yesterday. And…” He paused.
“Did he say anything?” Chucky asked, the hoodie still in her hands.
“No, he ran away when I called. But… I was thinking… Maybe we can invite him to join us again?”
Everyone became quiet, nothing but the sound of the rain beating against the window was heard.
“No, we can’t. He betrayed us all. I don’t want to see that traitor again, ever!”
“But that was in the past. I believe everyone deserves a second chance.”
“His sins cannot be forgiven and he can’t be given another chance. I don’t care if he lives the rest of his life alone! That bastard deserves that! And what if he betrays us again?” Peco stood up. “And then because of your decision we will be put in danger like the last time!”
Zack diverted his eyes. Peco was partly right. What Micchi had done couldn’t be easily forgiven, but he believed that kid could redeem himself, to come back to the carefree dancer they used to know.
“He ran away.” Chucky’s voice was small. “That means he isn’t ready to come back yet. Besides, even if he agreed to dance with us again, it would be awkward for all of us, don’t you think? I think we still need some more time to… settle this.”
Zack sighed. It would be awkward, with Micchi not wanting to see them and the dancers not really eager to have him back either. I guess it can’t be helped. “Well, you’re right. This is not the right time, maybe we should wait.”
“But anyway, we should keep this, just in case.” Chucky said and folded the hoodie neatly.
Zack sighed, but this time let out a small smile. It wasn’t time yet, but at least there was a sign.
Takatora frowned. His brother hadn’t come down for breakfast yet. It would be time for school soon. Or maybe he had left already? He went to the front door. His brother’s shoes were still there. Did he sleep in? But Mitsuzane doesn’t usually oversleep; he always wakes up early, even earlier than me. He knocked at the door “Mitsuzane?” No response. He knocked again “Mitsuzane? It’s me.” No one answered. He turned the doorknob. The door was locked. Takatora started to get panic. He rummaged through his suitcase to find the master key and quickly opened the door.
Mitsuzane was sleeping on bed, still breathing. He sighed in relief. “Mitsuzane! Wake up! You’ll be late. Mitsuzane!” He called. His brother didn’t even stir. Takatora grab his shoulder to shake him but stopped right away. Mitsuzane’s body was burning up. He had come down with a fever. What should I do now? Do I need to bring him to the hospital? He tried to recall what their mother used to do when he or Mitsuzane got sick. That had been nearly fifteen years ago. Maybe I can handle it myself. I’ll call a doctor if he doesn’t get better.
He went to the bathroom to find a towel and soaked it with water, then placed it on his brother’s forehead. His hand stopped at Mitsuzane’s cheek, caressing it. It worried Takatora that his brother was sick, although Mitsuzane got sick quite often as a child. You should take better care of yourself, Mitsuzane. He sighed.
He had called Mitsuzane’s school for a day off and wondered if he could stay at home too. Just for today, besides I can finish the work here to. So it was decided. Takatora called his secretary to announce his absence. He sat at Mitsuzane’s desk, started reading and signing some documents and didn’t forget to look over his brother every few minutes.
“Nii-san…”
“Huh?” Takatora rushed to the bed “What is it, Mitsuzane?” Did his brother wake up? Mitsuzane’s eyes were still closed. He put a hand on Mitsuzane’s forehead. Still hot. So he was sleep talking then, as there wasn’t any sign of him being conscious at all.
“Nii-san… I’m sorry…” Tears started running down Mitsuzane’s cheek. Takatora quickly wiped them away. Don’t cry. What are you dreaming about, Mitsuzane?
“I’m sorry… Nii-san… Don’t leave… I’m sorry…” His eyes were half opened, looking at nothing; tears continued to stream down.
Takatora hugged him close “Okay, I know… I’m here… I won’t leave… Go back to sleep.” Mitsuzane slowly closed his eyes. Takatora sighed, put his brother back to bed. Mitsuzane must still be haunted by that time, particularly the time when he was Zangetsu Shin. Now Takatora was more worried about his mental state than his health. He didn’t know when Mitsuzane would break down.
When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing but a blur. His head was spinning. He tried to sit up but failed terribly, his hands felt like jelly. He couldn’t even think straight. Suddenly a pair of cool hands grabbed his shoulders. “Mitsuzane, can you hear me?” Everything slowly became clear. The first thing he saw was Takatora’s worried face. “Nii-san” his voice came out more like a whisper. He wiped his head around to find the clock, which made him dizzy for few seconds. It was nearly six in the evening. Why did he sleep so much? And why was his brother home? He should be at work now.
“You had a fever. I’ve called to school so just rest for today.” Takatora’s voice was low, cutting him from his thoughts. “How do you feel?”
“I’m fine.” He said more like a reflex. He was fine after all, taking in that he was still living and breathing and well, considering the state that his brother had been in a few months ago, he was much better. “Thank you, nii-san.” Mitsuzane raised his eyes to look at Takatora, but quickly lowered them down.
“No problem.” He looked around the room, finding something to say. “So, just take a shower. I’ll bring dinner for you later.”
“You don’t need to do that. I can come to the dining room.”
“Are you sure?” Takatora raised an eyebrow. “Well, that’s okay if you want to… Um… I’ll leave now.” He left, shutting the door behind him.
The dining room was silent, with nothing more than the sound of forks clattering against plates. Takatora was the one to break the silence, as always “How do you feel now?”
Mitsuzane said quietly “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me nii-san.”
Yes I have to and I want to worry about you. Takatora wanted to say but just nodded. This would be the end of their conversation.
“Why did you come home so soon today?” Mitsuzane asked before he himself realized it. He still felt a bit light-headed.
“I didn’t go to work, because you were sick.” Takatora said as-a-matter-of-factly.
Mitsuzane poked at his food. So nii-san stayed home because of me. He didn’t think he deserved it, his brother’s care. “Thank you, nii-san, for… taking care of me. But… you didn’t have to do that. I could handle it myself.”
“Can you?” Takatora raised an eyebrow. He wanted to whack his brother on the head for saying such a stupid thing. They were brothers after all, and brothers take care of each other, right? “Mitsuzane… Listen, I want to take care of you, not because I’m forced to or anything, but because you’re my brother. No matter what happened, you still are.”
Mitsuzane continued looking at his plate, his hands unmoving. Takatora sighed. Sometimes he just wanted to hit Mitsuzane straight in the head so that such stupid thoughts would go away. Really.
“I want to take care of you, not because I’m forced to or anything, but because you’re my brother. No matter what happened, you still are.”
Nii-san doesn’t hate me. He doesn’t hate me. He was overcome with guilt, to think that Takatora didn’t hate him after all the sins he had committed. He has done so much for me. And what have I done for him? Absolutely nothing. Takatora had tried to start conversations, but his answers had always been as short as possible. Nii-san is trying to make things better, everyone is. And I’m here, avoided responsibility, not being able to face what I’ve done. He wished he hadn’t existed, so that he wouldn’t have hurt anyone. He had actually thought about stupid things; but then again, that would be merciful. He had to live to pay for what he had done. There was only one way to go now. And what’s the point of running away? What’s done is done. I can’t hide forever, can I? Nothing will be completed if I stay like this. So stop cowering and take the responsibility, Mitsuzane.
“Can you go to school to day?” Takatora eyed his brother worriedly. He still looked pale, and Takatora wouldn’t mind if Mitsuzane wanted another day off. There were more important things now than keeping good grades at school though.
“Yes, nii-san.”
It didn’t take him long to notice that his brother had stopped eating, fork rested against the plate.
“Is something wrong? Do you want to eat something else?”
“Ah… No… This is fine.”
The room went silent again. Mitsuzane fidgeted with his thoughts. Say it, Mitsuzane. Say it!
“… Nii-san?”
Takatora’s eyes widened a bit “Huh?”
“Uh… How are things at Yggdrasill, nii-san?” Mitsuzane could feel his heart pounding against his ribs; his hand trembled a little for some reasons he didn’t even know.
This may be the longest conversation for months. “Everything is going on pretty well. Some damages still need to be repaired though.”
Mitsuzane nodded, looking at his plate. Takatora looked at him expectantly.
“Uh… Can I… Is there anything… I can help you with?”
Takatora seemed surprised that his brother was the one to ask. He was silent for a few seconds.
Getting no response, Mitsuzane quickly added, “But… I mean… If you don’t want to… It’s fine… I’m just asking…” His voice died down.
“Ah no! I mean… of course there are things that you can help. There’s always a place for you in the company. But right now you need to focus on your study; I’ll ask if I need your help, okay?”
Takatora could see his brother’s eyes lighting up a little bit and let out a small smile. Mitsuzane nodded, finishing his meal.
As Takatora leaving home for work, he couldn’t help smiling. Maybe, his little brother was coming back after all.