Work Text:
It was wrong.
Cube had just published the press release stating that Soojin would be leaving (G)I-DLE, and everything was chaos: social media accounts blowing up, friends and family sending them news links and asking if it was real, phones vibrating because of the calls of people who had the nerve to call them...
It was fucking wrong.
Of course, it hadn't been news for the members, they had been informed of Cube's plans of withdrawing Soojin from the group a couple of weeks earlier, but, to be fair, they expected them to change their mind because... who could conceive Idle without Soojin?
Each of them had taken the news in a different way. Yuqi and Minnie were still out of the country, so they were frustrated by the fact that they couldn't actually be there, and hug and hold their friend's hand, so they were trying to compensate it by sending her a thousand messages. Soyeon, on the other hand, had practically disappeared. Soojin didn't take it personally, as they had known each other for years and she knew Soyeon was doing the best she could. Their leader had been by her side through everything, even when she was swamped by her own individual activities, and Soojin had the suspicion that they had been many reunions held between the rapper and their bosses trying to get the best out of the situation for Soojin. But, once they were informed of the final decision, Soyeon had been spending all of her free time locked at her studio and (Soojin had no doubt about that) feeling miserable, guilty, and questioning her ability to lead their team when she hadn't been able to protect her. Miyeon, on the other hand, had become almost like a shadow for Soojin, always there. For as talkative the eldest usually was, she had retreated to a more being there in silence position. Maybe it was because the few times they had actually talked about what was going on, she ended up crying. And Shuhua... God, Shuhua.
It was so fucking wrong.
And so fucking sad.
If Soojin was offered a million dollars to describe who Shuhua was to her, she still wouldn't be able to do it. Shuhua was her best friend, her confidant, her constant companion, her weakness, and her strength. Shuhua was the weird pale Taiwanese new girl that stuck to her side when they had just met, that had that look of bewilderment and fear on her eyes, but also a fierce determination and stubbornness that Soojin had always been convinced that would either be the girl's downfall or the root of her success. Shuhua was the tired girl smiling at her in their shared dorm, telling her in a very cute, limited korean about how their teacher had complimented her on her dancing that day, and how she even might be able to debut someday, and how she hoped they would debut together, because there was no doubt in her mind that Soojin was going to debut. Shuhua was the newly christened (G)I-DLE's Shuhua, the young woman who got insanely nervous before going on stage and who was never content with her performance, who had easily enamored thousands of fans around the world with her beauty, sense of humor, and candidness. Shuhua was the timid touches in their private moments, the soft-spoken secrets told late at night, the light caress in the arm that lingered, the rapid beating of her heart, the knowing looks and sad smiles that said that she knew, they both knew, about this thing between them that they were too busy, too in the wrong careers, too afraid to pursue or even talk about.
Because, if Soojin had to describe who Shuhua was to her, probably the closest thing to the truth would be saying that she was the love of her life.
"You can't stop me, Soojin, so let. Me. Go."
Soojin sighed, the grip on the love of her life's wrist strong.
"Shu, please, think about what you're trying to do..."
"I don't need to think about anything." Shuhua looked at her right in the eyes and, God, she was gorgeous when she was angry. "If they think they can do this to you and that we will just take it, they are-"
"You are going to just take it." the dancer responded "You and the girls are going to just take it, and promote and make music as a group of five."
"You have definitely lost your mind."
Shuhua freed her arm from Soojin and covered her hands with her face, clearly frustrated.
"You're saying you want us to keep working every day to give money to these assholes, to go and make music and go to music shows and varieties and interviews, and be all like "Hi! We are (G)I-DLE!" and laugh and sing all while acting like you never existed?" she was fuming "Because you know damn well they're going to make us act like you were never one of us."
The dancer took a deep breath, trying not to show how much these words were hurting her.
"Yes, that's exactly what I want."
Shuhua looked at her in silence for a few seconds, and Soojin did her hardest to not look away. She couldn't afford to.
"Is it that easy for you?¨ she said with a venomous tone. "To just turn your back on us?"
Soojin felt like she had been hit by a bus.
"Shuhua."
From the other side of the room, leaning on the wall and so quiet that the other two girls had forgotten she was there, Miyeon looked at the Taiwanese strictly.
"I know you're hurting, probably more than I am, but that doesn't give you the right of hurting other people. Especially Soojin."
In all their years together, Soojin had only seen Miyeon act like a true strict elder to Shuhua a couple of times, and it had always warmed her heart seeing how Shuhua, who usually disregarded all formalities and traditions in that aspect, only ever really bowed her head and obeyed when Miyeon was the one chastising her.
"I'm sorry, unnie" she sat on the floor and turned to the other girl. "I'm sorry Soo. It's just that... I don't understand... I can't..."
Miyeon approached her and kissed her hair.
"I know." She took and squeezed Soojin's hand. "I'm going to leave you both to talk it out alone. I'll see you later."
Soojin watched her leave. She hated how Miyeon looked always on the verge of crying these days. She sighed. She sighed a lot, lately.
"Shuhua..."
"I'm really sorry, truly. It's just... I don't think I can do this without you. I don't think I want to."
Soojin looked at her in silence for a couple of seconds. The maknae looked broken.
Another sigh.
"Shushu... don't say that." she crouched before her and took her hands "You made a choice when you were just a teenager. You packed your bags and moved to another country, alone, without speaking the language, to follow your dreams. And you made it. Hey." Soojin took Shuhua's chin, and gently made her look at her while forcing a smile, "You made it. You are part of one of the biggest girl groups, who broke records from the start, and is followed by thousands and thousands of people."
"We did this with you" the other responded, with just a thread of voice. "We did all that with you. Idle is six. Not one, not three, not seventeen, and definitely not five. Idle is six."
"And we will always be." Soojin cleaned a rebel tear that had escaped the youngest's eye. "It's just that... well, we can't always get what we want, I guess."
That seemed to enrage again the Taiwanese, who got up suddenly.
"That's bullshit. That´s the most fucking bullshit I have ever heard you say. 'We can't always get what we want'? What the fuck?!"
"Shuhua..."
"No! Don't treat me like I'm some idiot child because, even if you don't ever say it, I know damn well all the things you wanted that you couldn't get because of your career!"
Soojin stepped forward, trying to calm her, but Shuhua seemed to be on a roll.
"All of the times your school friends made plans and you couldn't go because you had to practice! All of the moments you couldn't enjoy with your family because we had to go to some stupid photoshoot! Your father's birthday because we were in America or god knows where doing promotion!"
"You think I don't know that?!"
That shut up Shuhua, who stared at her, very still.
"You think I haven't thought of each of every one of these things a thousand times over since all of this started?!"
"I know you have, so why are you acting like you haven't?" Soojin exhaled slowly, trying to get some control over herself.
"Because I can't lose it, I can't fall apart. And, most of all, I can't let you fall apart."
In two short steps, she planted herself in front of the other girl and took her face between her hands.
"So please, please. I'm begging you. Stay strong, for me. With me."
Shuhua stared at her for what felt like hours and, finally, pouted.
"That's not fair," she said, "you know that I would do anything for you." Soojin let out a little laugh, relieved.
"Okay."
"But you have to do something for me too."
The oldest looked at her and, from the bottom of her heart, responded.
"Anything"
"Promise me that you're not going to forget about me."
Soojin put a strand of Shuhua's hair behind the maknae's ear, realizing how close together they were.
"You silly, silly woman." She said in her sweetest voice. "You really think I could ever forget about you? There is no scandal, no agency powerful enough to make me forget about you."
Shuhua's eyes got a little bit bigger, and a little "oh" escaped her mouth. And at that moment, Soojin made a choice.
"As you said, there is a lot of things I wanted but never got. Time with my family, experiences with my friends." the Korean set her jaw, determined. "Being with someone I love."
The thing between Shuhua and Soojin is that they had always known about their feelings for each other, but they had never talked about it, not really. Why bother? It's not like something could ever happen between them, considering their lives and careers. They were members of a kpop girl group, they weren't supposed to date each other.
Well.
Fuck that.
She was no longer part of a kpop group, some people had already made sure of that.
"Kissing the person I love, that's something I always wanted but never could get." she continued. "Telling them how beautiful they look every day. Dreaming about them every night and telling them the next day."
"Soo..."
"Maybe what I wanted most of all is just telling you how unbelievable in love with you I am."
There, she had said it. And it had felt so good.
Shuhua was looking at her, her brow a bit furrowed and her mouth slightly open. She was so fucking adorable that Soojin wanted to take a photo of her. She would have, had it been any other moment.
"Soo, what are you-"
"And this doesn't have to mean anything." the older was quick to interrupt. "Because you are still Idle's Shuhua, and you have now much more to lose because of this than I do. But in the middle of all of this fucked up situation, I just wanted it to be something good. And I love you. And just the fact of saying that to you, of being finally brave enough to say that to you makes all of this a little more bearable. I love you. I lo-"
She couldn't finish the sentence because a pair of lips crashed with her own. She wasn't expecting Shuhua to kiss her, but she rapidly responded to the kiss with all of her. If heaven existed, it could be found in the way Shuhua's hands pushed her neck and back, bringing them as close as possible together, and in Shuhua's peachy scent engulfing her.
"I love you too, JinJin. So much."
Soojin let out a laugh, probably the first genuine one in a long time. She didn't know why, because it wasn't as if the youngest's feelings were a mystery to her, but she felt so relieved.
"If I thought telling you that I love you was good, is actually nothing compared to how good it feels to hear you say that you love me."
"Then I will say it to you every day." Kiss. "Twice a day at least" Kiss. "Probably more often than that." Kiss. "For the rest of our lives."
The dancer let herself indulge in a couple more of those short kisses before stopping the eager Taiwanese.
"Are you sure? Because this will still be hard, and we will still have to hide it, and-"
"I don't care." Shuhua interrupted her. "I never cared about that."
Shuhua looked at her, serious, and Soojin felt, not for the first time, that she would move mountains and fight armies for those two beautiful black eyes.
"Seo Soojin, All I want in the world is to be able to perform on a stage next to you, and apparently we can't do that anymore." she said bitterly "But being able to step off the stage and go into your arms? That is way more than I ever had let myself dream of."
They just stayed in silence for a few seconds, basking in the feeling of being embraced by the other.
"Can you say it again?"
Shuhua didn't even have to ask what she was talking about.
"I love you."
And maybe everything was fucked up, and for sure she was going to have difficult times ahead, but in that moment, hearing the woman she loved say that she loved her back, Soojin couldn't ask for anything more.