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Aleksander hurried along the long hallway. He was eager to give the flowers to Alina and see her reaction. He frowned, mentally scolding himself. This was a strategic move, nothing more. There really was no reason to feel like a giddy teenager about it.
He rounded a corner and finally came face to face with the Sun Summoner.
“There you are,” he said, smiling at her. Alina turned and frowned, opening her mouth to speak, but she didn’t get further than that.
Something hit her. He didn’t see what it was, it happened too fast. What he did see was a thin line of blood on her neck and the surprised look on her face.
She coughed and spit out the tiniest bit of blood, then she collapsed. He dropped the flowers, catching her as she went down. He lowered her gently the rest of the way to the ground.
“Healer,” he screamed, a detached part of his brain registering the panic in his own voice. No, no, no, no, no. This can’t be happening. He locked eyes with her, willing her to stay with him, to stay alive.
He lifted his hand from her neck and it came away bloody. A red pool was forming below her, so much blood, too much blood, way too much blood. “Healer,” he screamed again, looking up, but he was only met with useless stares, no Grisha healer in sight.
He looked down to find that Alina’s eyes were closed. She didn’t seem to be breathing any longer. The pool of blood had tripled in size, spreading all around them. The detached part of his mind noted that it was way too much blood for her to possibly have a chance to survive, even with the help of a healer.
“No, no, no, no, no, please no. Stay with me, Alina.” He noted how broken his voice sounded, but couldn’t have cared less. It didn’t matter if he shattered the carefully constructed image of the unmovable General. It didn’t matter if people saw him as weak. If Alina died, nothing mattered.
Finally, one of the healers appeared, kneeling down beside her. Aleksander made himself let go of her, sitting back. His glance fell to the floor again. So much blood. She didn’t stand a chance. Stop it, he told himself. He ran his hand through his hair, realizing belatedly that it was covered in blood.
The healer looked up, softly shaking her head at him. Aleksander collapsed against the wall behind him. It was like his chest was suddenly in a vice, he couldn’t breath, couldn’t move. No. Not again. Not like this. Not her.
Cold fury rose up inside him and he clung to the feeling gratefully. It was much better than the all-encompassing grief, the emptiness, the horror of being alone again.
Alina hurried down another hallway filled with people, feeling anxious. The exchange hadn’t gone according to plan and now she wasn’t sure if Marie was already walking around, pretending to be her. Maybe it would be best if she just hid somewhere? She couldn’t risk people seeing two Sun Summoners at the fête, after all.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of screams. She turned in the direction of the noise. Several people came running past her from that direction. Right on their heels came billowing tendrils of shadow, shooting outwards in all directions, seemingly without a specific purpose.
Alina started walking towards the origin of the shadows, a bad feeling settling in the pit of her stomach.
“General?” she called out, only at the last moment remembering not to call him Aleksander in public.
She rounded a corner and her breath caught in her throat. There was Aleksander, kneeling on the ground, shadows pouring out of him. She couldn’t see his face clearly, but what she could see almost made her step falter. He looked almost inhuman, his features contorted by grief and anger.
There was a body at his feet and a giant pool of blood. Alina swallowed, but continued her slow walk towards him. She called her light almost instinctively. It brightened the hallway all around her, making it easy to cross the distance to where Aleksander was kneeling.
She knelt down beside him. He turned to her, but there was no sign of recognition on his face. His eyes were entirely black. There were black tendrils moving like veins up his throat, spreading over his face.
Alina’s first instinct was to run like the others had, but she fought it down. This was Aleksander and he was obviously in need of help.
Shadows were still spilling from his body at an alarming rate, but there was a small frown forming on his face now as he looked at her.
“Aleksander,” she said softly so as not to startle him, “Tell me how I can help.”
She lifted her right hand, cupping his cheek. Where her hand touched his skin, the black tendrils retreated.
His frown deepened. “Alina?” he croaked out, a broken, desperate sound.
She lifted her other hand to his face as well, watching as the tendrils vanished from his skin. The light around them brightened at the contact, the shadows dissipating.
“What happened?” she asked him, her voice still soft like she was talking to a spooked animal.
He reached out, slowly, hesitantly, as if she were some mirage that could disappear on him any moment. He brushed the tips of his fingers along her cheek, looking at her with an expression of absolute shock, and budding hope.
“Alina,” he whispered, sounding like he was trying to convince himself that she was really there. “You died,” he choked out and she could feel him trembling, with sorrow or with rage, she wasn’t sure.
Alina turned away from him, taking in the body on the floor. It was a woman. A woman wearing her face. Marie. Young, innocent Marie. She had been so full of life. And now she was dead because of her. Alina closed her eyes for a moment, fighting down her guilt and grief. This was not the time. She had to help Aleksander.
She suddenly realized what had happened. He had mistaken Marie for her and she had been killed in front of him. He had lost control of his shadows because he had thought that she was dead.
“It’s me. I’m fine.” She started slowly stroking her thumbs over his cheeks, willing him to understand that it was really her, that she was alive.
She watched as his eyes returned to normal, as the last of the black tendrils disappeared from his skin, as the shadows stopped pouring out of him.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered, his eyes locked on hers with a bright intensity, like he was scared she would disappear if he looked away.
“You didn’t. I’m here. I’m fine.”
Something in his face changed, like he finally let himself believe what was right in front of his eyes. His arms came around her suddenly and he drew her to him desperately, like a man drowning. His grip was so tight it was almost painful. She dropped her hands from his face to embrace him in turn.
He lowered his head so that his forehead came to rest on her shoulder, against her neck. His breath came in ragged pants against her neck.
Alina brought her right hand up, drawing it slowly through his hair. “I’m here. I’m fine,” she repeated, not sure what else to tell him.
He exhaled a long breath, then he collapsed against her all of a sudden. It was lucky they were kneeling on the floor, because Alina didn’t think she would have been able to hold his weight otherwise. She gently lowered him to the floor. She held her hand in front of his mouth, feeling for his breath. He was alive, just unconscious.
Alina paced back and forth, feeling very out of place in Aleksander’s bedroom. Two healers whose names she didn’t know had moved him to his bedroom and she had tagged along, wanting to be there in case he regained consciousness. They had removed his kefta and boots. He seemed uncharacteristically small and vulnerable to her as he lay unmoving in the big bed, a far cry from the larger-than-life General she was so used to.
Ivan appeared by her side, speaking before she could even voice the question on her mind..
“They tell me he will make a full recovery. He simply needs rest.”
“Of course,” Alina replied, moving towards the door, thinking she had been dismissed. Ivan cleared his throat and she turned back towards him.
“I believe it would be beneficial if you were here when he wakes up,” he stated. So he doesn’t tear the place apart went unsaid. “There will be guards in the hallway and healers on standby. Please alert them should there be any worrying change in his condition.”
Alina nodded slowly, wondering if this was really happening. Had Ivan of all people just all but ordered her to stay in Aleksander’s bedroom?
Ivan gave her a curt nod, then walked out. Alina sat down at the foot of the large bed, at a loss what to do with herself. This was certainly not how she had imagined ending up in Aleksander’s bedroom. She yawned, only realizing now how tired she really was after the events of the evening.
She turned to look at Aleksander, wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t shown up when she did. Would he have covered the entire Little Palace in shadows? Would he have lashed out at the innocent people around him, blinded by his grief? And all of that because of her. Because he thought that she had been killed. A chill ran down her spine at the thought.
Alina must have dozed off, because the next thing she knew she was awoken by soft noises from next to her. She sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over her eyes.
Aleksander was mumbling something in his sleep. It was difficult to make out, possibly no and please. He must have kicked the bed cover away at some point during the night, it was in a pile at his feet. Even in the soft light of the bedside lamp she could see that he was in distress.
Without giving herself a chance to question her actions, she scooted over to him, gently placing a hand on his neck.
“Wake up, Aleksander. It’s just a dream,” she told him softly. His eyes shot open and there was such a look of panic and terror on his face that it made Alina’s chest hurt. His unfocussed gaze settled on her and a moment later there was recognition on his face.
“Alina?” he said, sounding more vulnerable and raw than she had ever heard him. She nodded, smiling at him. In one swift movement, he shot up from the bed and drew her into an almost bruising embrace.
“Alina,” he whispered reverently, a desperate longing in his voice. She drew her arms around him in turn. After a moment, he pulled back, visibly composing himself. She could almost see the mask of General Kirigan settling back on his features. He didn’t meet her eyes as he spoke.
“I apologize. You never should have had to see me like that.”
He sounded more controlled now, but she could still detect the undercurrent of shame and guilt in his words. She reached out, gently placing her hand on top of his, which he had folded in his lap after drawing back from her.
“I understand. You were overwhelmed.” She thought back to how he had been only hours earlier. Wild, unhinged. Like a storm that was about to tear into the place and rip it apart. His moniker had probably never fitted him better than in that moment.
“You lost control for a moment. There is nothing to be ashamed of,” she assured him.
Aleksander shook his head. “You don’t understand,” he said fervently. “What I was ready to do. What I would have done if you hadn’t appeared. The havoc I would have wrought. The lives that would have been lost. I almost destroyed everything I worked for so long, just because-”
He stopped, shaking his head. Alina thought that maybe he was being a tad overdramatic. How much havoc could he have wrought? He may be the most powerful Grisha in the world, but he was still only one man.
“Because you thought I was dead,” she completed his sentence, still a little in disbelief that it really was the thought of losing her that had caused the whole incident.
“Because I thought you were dead,” he agreed, his voice tightly controlled.
A heavy silence settled between them. After a long moment, Alina cleared her throat.
“Ivan said it’s important that you rest, so I’ll - um - I guess I’ll go.”
There was a flash of something in his eyes - fear? panic? - then he had himself back under control. Alina stood up, walking towards the door.
“Wait,” he called after her. A plea rather than a command. Alina turned around.
“I do not wish to impose on you any more than I already have, but if you would consider it, maybe you could stay here for the rest of the night.” He regarded her, waiting for her reaction. Alina just stared at him, dumbfounded.
“Just to sleep,” he added quickly. “Of course, I completely understand if you do not wish to be close to me at this time, after what you saw today.” He broke their eye contact at those last words as if he could not bear to look at her.
Alina was struck again by how small he looked. More like a young, innocent boy than the commander of the Second Army. She realized that she had been staring at him for quite a while without providing an answer. She saw how tense he was, seemingly bracing himself for her rejection.
“I’ll just go and change into something more comfortable,” she told him quickly before she lost her nerve. She was still in her full evening attire, which was already crinkled from her earlier nap.
Aleksander exhaled a long breath. “Yes, of course. I will do the same,” he said, sounding relieved.
Alina all but fled from his bedchamber, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. Had he really invited her to spend the night with him? It seemed like a very intimate gesture when all they had done so far was kiss.
She undressed quickly, washed her face and removed the pins from her hair. She put on her night dress and a robe. Then she stood in her chamber, taking a couple of deep breaths. So much had happened in such a short time. To be fair, she had considered that the night might end with her in Aleksander’s bed. Although she never would have imagined it like this.
She decided to go back to him quickly before she changed her mind and just went to sleep in her own bed. She found him in the War Room. Even though he had changed into his night clothes as well, he looked a bit more like himself, more collected, more in control.
“Thank you,” he said solemnly. “I don’t think I would have gotten much sleep tonight if I couldn’t have seen with my own eyes that you are safe.”
Alina smiled, wondering why her heart was thumping so wildly in her chest. Why was she so nervous, when all they would do was sleep?
Aleksander seemed uncharacteristically hesitant, unsure of himself. They looked at each other for a long moment, in a silence that was not exactly awkward, yet a far cry from being comfortable. It was charged with something that Alina couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Aleksander cleared his throat. “Well,” he said, “Follow me.”
He quickly walked past her into his bedchamber, leaving the door open behind him. After a moment’s hesitation, Alina followed him. He extinguished the lamp on the bedside table, immersing the room in almost complete darkness. She heard rather than saw him pull back the covers and lie down on one side of the big bed.
Alina shrugged off her robe, then created a tiny sphere of light to help her find the chair in the corner on which she gently placed the garment. She turned around to face Aleksander, who was lying on his side, facing towards her. She couldn’t read the expression on his face.
Alina quickly let the small sphere of light vanish, and climbed under the covers with him, turning her back to him. There was still a considerable distance between them. He didn’t move to close it.
Feeling bold, Alina scooted backwards until she felt his solid warm presence behind her. His arm came around her immediately, drawing her even closer, bringing her flush against him.
Alina tried to relax, but her treacherous heart apparently didn’t get the message that she was trying to sleep and thundered away in her chest. She wondered if she was going to get any sleep at all like this. It didn’t seem very likely.
They lay like this for long minutes, giving Alina a chance to calm down, her breathing getting more even. She was almost ready to drift off to sleep when she felt Aleksander’s arm around her tighten. She was instantly hyper-aware of his presence behind her once more and realized with a start that he was trembling slightly.
His breathing came in quick gasps and she recognized the pattern. It was the sound of somebody trying to keep themselves from crying, from making any noise betraying their state of mind. She couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life he had led, what he had endured, that even in this intimate moment he couldn’t show weakness. If she was honest with herself, it stung a little that he didn’t trust her enough to let go.
Alina came to a decision. She turned in his arms, until she was lying on her back. She felt him tense at her movement. She scooted up a little higher on the bed, then drew her left arm around him, waiting. He froze in place, hovering slightly above her. She heard him draw in a sharp breath, then he slowly lowered his head until it was resting against her chest. Alina drew her other arm around him, holding him close.
His ear was close to her heart and she was sure he could hear how her heart had picked up speed again. He stayed very still and silent. After a long moment, she felt the tension slowly bleed out of him. She wondered when somebody had last held him like this. She couldn’t imagine who would dare.
His breathing evened out slowly. Alina moved her left hand up and started drawing it through his hair in slow soothing movements. It felt incredibly soft to her touch. She was surprised by a sudden feeling of wetness against her chest and realized that he was crying. He hadn’t made a sound. She leaned down slightly to place a soft kiss to the top of his head.
They fell asleep like this, him cradled in her arms, listening to the reassuring beat of her heart, her holding him like he was delicate, precious, worthy of her protection.