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It was not a clear night. They lay and sat on towels lain over the sand. The subdued roar of the sea lapped the shore, the delicate light blurred on its surface.
Through the scattered clouds in the sky, they watched for shooting stars. They had yet to see any. Mu Qing sat up and sipped scalding tea from an insulated flask. It was overly sweet, though artificially, from packets of sweetener pocketed from coffee shops and cafes.
He lay down next to Xie Lian, who was quite content in the cool air, but seeing Mu Qing shiver he huddled closer. Mu Qing could pretend it made a difference, that their joint body heat could push away the cold but he knew in his heart that it was no barrier against its bite.
“I think I saw one.” Xie Lian cautiously tried.
“Where are you looking?” Mu Qing kept the shivering tremor out of his voice.
“Right above.”
Mu Qing was reminded of a case study he had read; participants were asked to watch a point of light in the dark and judge how far it had moved. All answers varied, all had seen movement. But there had been no movement at all. Just the mind projecting its wishes. Intently Mu Qing kept his watch, hoping to be fooled.
“I saw one.” He whispered. Though he was sure he hadn’t.
“Quick, make a wish.” Xie Lian coaxed.
But it was a wish that could never come true. A wish on an imaginary shooting star. Or a wish on burning space debris, either way he was a fool. Xie Lian didn’t love him. Would never love him. Yet Mu Qing clung close trying to will away the cold night. But the gulf that parted Xie Lian’s heart from his was as vast and impenetrable as the heavens above.
Mu Qing shivered some more. Xie Lian shuffled closer, until they were pressed together. Mu Qing shook within; his whole heart fighting in a tiny cage unable to escape. He placed his hand on his chest hoping to steady the rhythm to no avail.
He knew he should cut off their friendship to terminate the torment, but the thought of the loss was something he couldn’t bear. So, he held his feelings in his chest and let them rip him apart, burn him out. Hopefully, Xie Lian would only think it was a reaction to the cold.
Clouds had taken over the sky, leaving only a few tiny pricks of stars to peek through the gaps.
“Oh, how disappointing.” Xie Lian sighed. “It was the last night we could view them.” He paused. “There’s always next time, if you’ll accompany me again that is.” He laughed lightly.
Mu Qing sat up. “Of course, I’d come again. When have I ever ducked out of plans?”
Xie Lian sat up to meet his eyes. “You were shivering, I thought you would prefer something else.” The hand he placed on the towel was a hair's breadth away from Mu Qing’s own. Mu Qing watched the narrowed space. Xie Lian followed his eyeline, and unexpectedly he closed the gap. The tips of their fingers nudged together. “Maybe you would rather spend time with someone else. Rather than me.”
“Xie Lian. Don’t make me say it.”
Between a gasp of broken breath Xie Lian tried. “What?”
Mu Qing was quite sure he wasn’t breathing at all; his heart had stopped and time stood frozen with fear. “Don’t make me end our friendship. Don’t make me tell you.” He said it all to their touching fingers. “I love you.”
He couldn’t bring himself to look at Xie Lian; the weight of the dread was too much.
Xie Lian’s hand left his own, then he felt it on his cheek. “Look at me, Mu Qing.” Xie Lian brought himself closer; his eyes on his lips and closer still. The kiss was filled with tenderness, and all the longed-for affection. “I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Meanwhile, a meteor shower made a lightshow above the clouds.