Work Text:
“What was Beomgyu to you?”
Taehyun never thought he’d have to hear those words in his entire life. The pain he felt in his chest as he remembers all of the memories he had shared with the older boy that he had come to look at so fondly. When he first met Beomgyu, and in their last moments together there was always the same glow of love in Beomgyu’s eyes. Whenever he looked at Taehyun, it was as if he fell in love over and over, the look of love and hope in Beomgyu’s eyes, even if the pain got bad, all he had was love.
Beomgyu never complained to Taehyun, but Taehyun always saw through his boyfriend's facade. Days when Beomgyu couldn’t get out of bed, he never bothered with anything he needed. He knew Taehyun was just in his office next door, but he knew the younger boy worked so hard for him, Beomgyu wanted to lessen Taehyun's burden. Though he would never be a burden, he could never be a burden in the eyes of Taehyun. He finally felt he had a purpose in life, he knew he met his soulmate even if their time together was limited.
The times Beomgyu would complain was when Taehyun wasn't paying attention to him on date nights. He could be making dinner and Beomgyu would whine and scold Taehyun for not giving him his undivided attention. The younger would laugh it off and give Beomgyu a small glance. Oftentimes, he’d spoil the older with love whenever he wasn’t busy with setting up, but there were always times where he’d do his best to multitask for the older. And Beomgyu loved it.
Not a day went by when they weren’t together, Taehyun worked from home so it was easier to care for Beomgyu, and Beomgyu couldn’t work, his parents gave him some money every now and then so he could support himself and Taehyun. The life they built together was small and cozy, but it held so much meaning. Taehyun knew it was crazy to say, but he had never felt this type of love before.
Beomgyu always said to Taehyun that they are soulmates, and when Taehyun would ask “Will you be in every other life I live?” Beomgyu would always have the same answer each time, “This is our last life, we will be in paradise together forever.” He never once faltered with the answer, and Taehyun believed him, he always would. Taehyun always looked back on his life, he thought about Beomgyu’s words, every feeling he ever had felt melancholic, and almost nostalgic. He supposed it was because he was an emotional person.. But maybe it really is because it’s his last life.
It doesn't matter to Taehyun now, even if it is his last life, he has so many years to live through. He could never forget everything he and Beomgyu had been through, the memories lived in his head and played over and over. Especially when they first met.
When they first met, Beomgyu always said it was like love at first sight but that could have also been because he had gotten no sleep (give or take, he knew Taehyun was the one.) It was a Wednesday afternoon and Taehyun had just finished his classes for the week. Before he went back to his dorm, he had decided to take a small walk around the park, something he hadn’t done since the beginning of his fourth year. That’s where he ran into Beomgyu.
He had his short hair back then, and still wore the sketchers that had fairy designs. Taehyun sat on the bench, as his breath was taken away by the prettiest boy he had ever seen. Taehyun sat on the bench and watched how the boy played with, what seemed to be, his younger brother. Taehyun felt a surge of emotions, it was a lot to take in at once, it was a melancholic type of fondness.
Ever since that day, their unspoken words and the stolen glances were a common occurrence. Beomgyu would look at Taehyun with a glint of love in his eyes, it always felt as if he and Taehyun had known each other their entire lives. Taehyun felt it too, he felt as if he had known Beomgyu for the longest time, but they had only just met. That was the start of their journey together. Ever since they got the courage to speak to each other they were inseparable.
Taehyun missed their first meetings, he missed the smile Beomgyu would give him whenever he felt sad, he missed the way Beomgyu wouldn’t let him go in the mornings when they were waking up, he missed the way Beomgyu would talk about everything he loved with such passion in his eyes. He missed Beomgyu.
But there was nothing he could do to bring him back.
“Beomgyu was..”
Taehyun thinks about their last moments together. They lie in bed as they began their dreadful morning. Taehyun knew as he saw Beomgyu wake up, that it was time to let him go. They spent the early hours reminiscing with each other, Beomgyu acted calm even if he could feel the tiredness in his eyes weighing him down every minute. He knew though, and he knew Taehyun did too, but he had to stay strong for just a little bit longer.
“ Tomorrow, will you water the garden for me?” Taehyun smiled sadly, tears falling down his cheeks as he nodded. He watched as Beomgyu smiled contently, not a worry in the world, and even if he was sad Taehyun loved Beomgyu and gave him all the happiness he had left
“ Promise me something? I need to know.” Taehyun looked down at Beomgyu and nodded. He and Beomgyu had gone through what they would do if he were to pass. The notes and voice memos would be given to his loved ones, and Taehyun would get one too when the time was right. However, Beomgyu couldn’t help but overthink his circumstances.
“Promise that when I’m gone, you never forget me. Never forget our memories, our late night talks, never forget the times we would dance together even if there was no music?” Taehyun sniffled and began to sob, nodding his head vigorously as Beomgyu finished speaking.
“I could never forget my first and only love.” Beomgyu smiled at Taehyun and left a small kiss on his lips. He sighed softly before he spoke for the final time.
“I love you Kang Taehyun, thank you for making me the happiest man in the world. I’ll be watching over you and waiting in paradise.” Beomgyu hummed and pecks Taehyuns lips one last time before relaxing in Taehyun hold.
“Be strong for me. Please be happy for me, my soulmate.” With one last smile, he closes his eyes and lays in Taehyun's arms. A minute goes by as his breath starts slowing down. Five minutes later, Taehyun lay there with Beomgyu in arms, he was sobbing as he felt the life drain out of his lover’s body.
His chest was heaving, he was crying so much that he could even breathe. Beomgyu hated when he cried, he always wanted for Taehyun to be happy. And yeah, maybe Taehyun was happy for the older, Beomgyu was finally at peace, and wasn’t suffering like he used to. The pain and sorrow, however, came in abundance compared to the happiness. He didn’t want to live a life without Beomgyu in it. He knew Beomgyu’s demise was inevitable, but now that he’s truly gone it doesn’t even feel real to him.
He held onto Beomgyu for what felt like hours. Eventually finding the courage to tell Beomgyu’s family. He called them over so they could see him before the paramedics came and took him to the morgue. Upon arrival, Beomgyu’s mom sobbed as she saw her son laying there on the bed, lifeless. His father tried his best to be strong for everyone, but there was no stopping the tears escaping his eyes as he saw the son that he raised, dead on the bed.
And while Beomgyu’s parents grieved the loss of their son, Taehyun was occupied with Beomgyu’s younger brother, keeping him away from the master bedroom where his parents spent their last moments with their eldest son.
“Where's Bear hyung?” The five year old asked, playing with the legos Taehyun left out for him. Taehyun bites his lip to hold his tears back before he speaks.
“Well, Bear hyung was in a lot of pain. So, he took a trip to a special place where he won’t feel bad anymore. I don’t know when he’ll be back, but you wanna know what he told me to tell you before he left? ” The child nods, looking up at Taehyun expectantly. Taehyun gave the child a sad smile, pulling him closer.
(“Also, before I go. Tell Jaeseok something.” Taehyun nods, looking down at Beomgyu waiting for the older man to speak.
“Tell him ‘Hyung loves him so very much, and that while I’m gone he should take care of Mom, Dad, and his Cherry Hyung because Bear Hyung said so.’” Taehyun nods, tears falling from his eyes as he heard what the older had to say, promising him that he would relay the message.
“And Please take care of Jaeseok for me, Tyunnie. Tell him everyday, that I’ll always love him, okay? I know I already said it in the voice messages for him and everyone else, but please make sure he knows that I will always love him to the moon and back. ” Beomgyu smiles as he feels Taehyun nod .)
“He said that he loved you very very much! But you have to take care of mom and dad, as well as cherry hyung.” Jaeseok nodded determinedly and wiggled out of Taehyun’s grasp, he then gathered up all the legos and put them back in the box.
“When Bear Hyung comes back, he’ll be so proud of me for taking care of everyone! right, Cherry Hyung?” He looked up at Taehyun expectantly, closing the lid to the lego container. Taehyun let out a small tear before chuckling sadly.
“He’ll be so proud of you.” Taehyun’s voice cracked mid sentence, but the child didn’t seem to notice. He was sad with what had happened, but he had to remain strong in front of Jaeseok, it’s what Beomgyu would have wanted.
“ He was always proud of you…” He whispers as he distracts Jaeseok from the paramedics coming in to retrieve Beomgyu’s body from the bedroom.
“It’s hard to say, honestly..”
Taehyun didn't know what to do with himself after that. Ever since Beomgyu had passed, he spent most of his time with Beomgyu’s family, especially Jaeseok. Taehyun helped the child tie his shoes, read, and how to count to 100. Every time the child succeeded at something he would always bring up his brother.
“I’ll show Bear hyung everything I've learned! ” Was always the phrase that tugged at Taehyun’s heart strings. The child was so naive and so gullible, it physically hurt Taehyun to hear those words come from Jaeseok. Though there was nothing he could do, the concept of death wasn't something a child understood and something he wouldn’t understand for years. As much as it hurt Taehyun, all he could do was be there for the child as he grew up.
Years later Taehyun found himself looking through old letters he and Beomgyu would send to each other whenever they were in disagreement. He was supposed to be looking for what Beomgyu had sent Jaeseok when he was younger, but of course he had gotten sidetracked and began rummaging through old memories that they made together.
Letter after letter, Taehyun felt his heart swell up with happiness, eventually he realized he had to dig up Beomgyu’s voice memo for future Jaeseok. The young boy had finally been getting married, and Taehyun wanted to do something special. For Jaeseok, but instead he found something much more valuable to himself.
‘Kang Taehyun.’ Was all the file was named. He was hesitant to open it at first, but he almost broke down into tears as he saw what was inside the file.
“Hey Taehyun, if you’re seeing this it means I’m gone.” Beomgyu clears his throat. “I don’t know when you’ll find this tape, but I do know you’ll still be heartbroken over my passing.” Beomgyu chuckles sadly as he looks into the camera.
“I love you so much, and I know I didn’t have to make you this video, but I want you to always remember my voice and what I looked like. You are my entire world and I hope you are still loving your life with happiness, even if I’m gone.” Beomgyu makes a heart at the camera before blowing a kiss.
“And don’t forget, this is your last life..”
Then the camera shuts off
Under the video file was an audio recording of Beomgyu singing their wedding song. Taehyun never felt more loved than he did now.
“Even if the time we had was short. Your brother always has a special place in my heart, and even if you never got to see him again he always loved you with his whole heart, to the moon and back he would say” Taehyun chuckles sadly as he looks down at the table, holding back his tears before speaking again.
“But to me he was a blessing.” Taehyun looked up at Jaeseok and his bride with a wide smile.
“To me, Choi Beomgyu was home.”