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Even humanity’s strongest soldier had his weak points, especially after the death of Commander Erwin. Gruesome scenes of his late comrades’ deaths filled his thoughts, often resulting in insomnia. He would complete paperwork and read books each night, trying anything to push the memories far back into his mind.
That’s when you came in. You had always had a small crush on the Captain, but you knew nothing would come of it, especially when he and Erwin were in a relationship with each other. It didn’t hurt you; all you ever wanted was for him to be happy in any capacity. He gave his all for his soldiers, often damaging his own mental and physical health as a result.
Since Erwin’s death, you would help support him in any way you could. Sometimes late at night you would walk to his room and hand him some tea. If you caught him sleeping, you would drape a blanket across his body. Small things that he would never look more upon, but probably appreciated.
Tonight was no different; it was around two in the morning. You were in the kitchen, preparing a cup of hot tea for Captain Levi. A window was open, letting in a small breeze that brushed your hair against your neck. You poured the liquid into a teacup, blowing on it gently to relinquish the steam from gusting into your face. The night was chilly, perfect for a hot cup of black tea; Levi’s favorite.
After finishing up in the kitchen, you made your way to his office, softly knocking on the door.
“Come in,” you heard him muffle from the other side. You open the door, making sure to use your free hand to shut it as quietly as possible.
You walked over to him, setting down the teacup on his desk. He twisted around in his chair, reaching for the tea. “Thank you, L/N.” You froze up, shock coursing through your body. He never once thanked you for the late-night tea you would give him. I guess there was a first in everything, especially from Levi.
“You’re welcome, Captain,” you uttered out, giving him a small smile. “I’ll leave you alone now.” You turned around, taking a step back to head out the door.
“Wait,” was all he replied. You tilt your head back at him, confused.
“What’s wrong? Is the tea not good? I thought I added en-”
“You can stay for a while. If you want,” he replied. You faced him, your eyes widening in surprise.
“Are you sure?”
He tsked, annoyed by your question. “Why would I have asked if I wasn’t? Just sit down.” He rolled his eyes as if this was something that should be so self-explanatory. You took a seat across from him, wondering why this one time he wanted you. You fiddled with your fingers in your lap, not really knowing what to do or say.
“So uh-”
“Are you the one wrapping me in blankets at night?” he asked, looking you dead in the eyes as he sipped the tea.
“Uh. . . yeah. When I bring you tea and see you’re asleep. . . I’ll sometimes put a blanket over you so you won’t catch a cold.”
“I don’t catch colds.” The air felt tighter at that moment. Almost forgetting to breathe, you deeply inhale, trying to have this conversation end as soon as possible.
“I’m sorry. I won’t do that anymore,” you respond, your eyes darting to a random spot on the wooden desk.
“It’s fine.” He took another sip of the black tea. The room was so quiet you could hear him quietly gulp down the liquid. “Why do you even come by to bring me tea anyways, L/N?”
“I know you enjoy black tea.”
“And? I have it in the morning. What would warrant you to bring me some late at night? You should be asleep.”
“You should be also. I know tea helps with sleeping. I just thought- I just thought maybe you would appreciate some. I know you struggle with insomnia.”
His eyes widened with surprise. “Yeah,” he replies, looking down at the teacup as he rubs his thumb over the top of it.
“I sometimes struggle with it myself. After all the deaths. . . it’s hard not to feel guilty.”
“No one is forcing you to stay here. You should leave.” You tilt your head up, looking at him with confusion.
“I want to stay.”
“You don’t have to prove anything by doing so.”
“Why are you telling me this?” You lock focus on his eyes, trying to read what he means in his gaze.
“I know how you grew up, Y/N. You have a nice life at home, you should go back to it.”
“Do. . . do you find my service disappointing or unsatisfactory, Captain?”
He sighs, setting down the teacup onto his lap. “Is that what it sounds like I’m saying?”
You nod, looking down out of embarrassment. “You’ve only been here for a few years, you can move back home and forget this life. You should do just that.”
“I’m still failing to understand why my home life is important to my service,” you respond, leaning in.
“I don’t want you to continue serving and suffering, damn it. You’re capable, beyond capable. If you weren’t, you would’ve died long ago. I can’t see someone else I care about getting injured because of my incompetence.”
You gasp slightly, completely surprised by his confession. “Cap-”
“Levi.”
“Levi,” you continue, “you’re the strongest soldier around, you’re far from incompetent.”
“I’m not. If I was, no one I cared about would have died. . . all of my subordinates wouldn’t have died. Erwin wouldn’t have died. . .”
“Levi. . .” you place a hand on his lower thigh, “one person cannot take down every single titan. There will be deaths we can’t control. Erwin’s death was not in vain, nor were any of the rest. We all respect you, the fallen would still say the same thing. You’re far from incompetent. All of us think so.”
Levi shook his head, failing to meet your earnest gaze. “I should’ve been able to save them all. I continue to let friends and colleagues die under my command.”
You sigh, placing your own teacup on the nearby desk. You walk closer to him before you kneel down and hug him tightly. You could hear his breath hitch in disbelief, though he made no move to push you off of him, he also didn’t make a move to embrace you back.
Silence enveloped the both of you again. Though the silence was awkward for you, unbeknownst to you, Levi was comfortable; silent happiness. After a minute of hugging him, you began to pull away, understanding that the hug was most likely unwanted from the short, hard-to-read captain. “Sorry. . . I probably shouldn’t have hugged you.”
Before you could fully pull your arms away from his back, you felt strong hands keep you in place. You looked down, noticing that his arms were now around your body, placing his hands on the small of your back. “Please just stay like this with me,” you heard him say softly.
You move your head, looking into his eyes with shock. “Levi-”
“Please,” was all he replied with, desperation in his voice. You never saw Captain in this light before, such vulnerability shown by him was foreign to you. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, excited that you were someone he felt comfortable enough to express himself towards. You may have known each other professionally for the past two years, but now you felt something much more blossoming right at this second.
“I’ll stay as long as you need.”