Work Text:
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me
Yoongi can’t recall exactly when he started to work at the restaurant. There have been so many nights serving the most strange characters and witnessing so many heartfelt moments, the raven-haired man’s started to consider the place his second home, even with the questionable flashy yellow tablecloths chosen by Hoseok.
The thing is, he’s been feeling it's time to try something new. Perhaps apply for the producer’s position he’s been dreaming about since he made his first mixtape in an all too shady software that may or may not have installed a virus on his brother’s computer. However, just the thought of one day leaving the place makes his heart feel so heavy as if it’s going to sink and get stuck on the bottom of the ocean.
Yoongi can’t explain why he feels that way, he knows Hoseok wouldn’t get mad or hurt and would show him nothing but support to pursue his dream job. He also knows he’d be always welcome on his favorite spot, back at the last table beside the window, where he usually sits by the end of the day, thinking about everything and nothing special at the same time.
Perhaps, Yoongi got used to the place’s routine. Got used to the smooth dark wood of the tables and chairs, with the hideous yellow tablecloths, with the small succulents placed at every single table, with the chime of the doorbell that whenever it had rang made his bones rattle with a feeling he didn’t dare to put a name. Maybe, it’s the idea of trying something new that makes him so restless, after all, Yoongi’s not the type of person who likes to venture out of his comfort zone, always relying on what he can control or anticipate, worrying too much about the possible bad outcomes.
Sensing that his train of thoughts wouldn’t get him anywhere and that Hoseok is glancing at him with a pensive look he usually gets when he thinks Yoongi isn’t paying attention, he decides to check if the customers need anything.
🔔
It's Yoongi's night off, and unsurprisingly he's at Hoseok's restaurant, right at his favorite spot. As he absentmindedly stares out the window, he feels someone approaching and sitting on the seat in front of him. He decides to not acknowledge the newcomer, aware it’s Jungkook, a regular customer and a friend of his and Hoseok.
“Hey hyung! You’ve been sitting here for so long that I’ve started to think we’re part of the furniture!” Jungkook flashes him a toothy grin. Although Jungkook is only messing with him, the remark hits a particularly weird and sensitive spot in Yoongi’s heart. "I suppose you don't need my help with your songs, considering you have a natural talent for comedy", the older man remarks with an all too obvious fake smile.
"Nooo! I’m sorry Yoongi-hyung, it’s just you were looking so down sitting here, and you know I don't like to see you sad!" Jungkook pouts.
Feeling overwhelmed with all the attention and concern, Yoongi mumbles he is fine and resumes their discussion about Kook’s songs. The younger man's dream is to become a singer, and he is one of the few people who knows about Yoongi’s desire to work with music. The pair’s always debating their latest discoveries, which genres are more challenging to produce, and of course encouraging each other in their respective fields.
For that reason, Yoongi decides to share with Jungkook how he’s been feeling kind of stuck in life and how he has even considered applying to a position as a producer on this alternative label that manages small but promising artists. Even though it’s a pretty small label it still catches Yoongi’s attention for its experimental productions. Maybe with someone else’s opinion, he can give up for good on this idea and accept his place is right there in the restaurant with its hideous yellow tablecloths.
Jungkook gets all excited the moment he hears about Yoongi's idea and encourages him to take a chance. He concludes with tears on his eyes that his friend has always been an inspiration to him and he would always support Yoongi no matter what decision he would make.
Yoongi is dumbfounded by his friend's reaction. However, he is not all surprised. Jungkook and Hoseok have always supported and encouraged him, even through the moments he had felt insecure and unable to create something he considered good enough. Yoongi is once again confronted with the conclusion that he is his biggest and strict judge.
Soon enough, Hoseok joins them and the three of them spend the rest of the night chatting and making fun of each other. When the time to close the restaurant comes, Jungkook bids his goodbye, but not before making Yoongi promise him he’d consider applying to the producer’s position.
🔔
A couple of weeks go by, and Yoongi is determined to follow his dream, but he still finds himself stalling. The idea of leaving the restaurant once more made his heart heavy.
Hoseok finds Yoongi, once again, sitting by the window with a wistful look on his face. He sits in front of his best friend smiling but with a sad look on his eyes.
Yoongi wonders what might be bothering his best friend. “Yoongi-hyung, I know why you’re still here, and it’s not because of me. Don’t you think it’s time for you to move on?”
Caught off-guard, Yoongi protests, “Seok-ah, I don’t know what you’re talking about! And if this is about me acting all grumpy, it’s because you have banned caffeine! You can’t expect me to be a functional human being without coffee!”
“Nice try, hyung, but you know what this is about.” Hoseok sighs while folding his hands. “This is about you not leaving this place in hopes Taehyung would come back, in hopes he would come back for you.” Yoongi didn’t want to talk about Taehyung. No, he just couldn't talk about him.
The memories of all the moments they had spent together, all those times the couple had sat on that exact same table and talked about the most mundane and silly things or about their deepest fears, everything was way too much, way too painful for Yoongi. Yoongi couldn’t bring himself to talk about the boy he trusted with his heart, but in the end, still shattered it into a million little pieces.
Pretend he didn’t remember all those moments was the only thing Yoongi could do to survive the heartbreak. Because truth be told, ever since Taehyung left him his life completely stopped. He couldn’t move on, he couldn’t leave.
How could he leave the restaurant? Leaving the place would be like leaving a part of himself. The sad truth is that a part of his heart was doomed to the place the moment Taehyung told him he had met someone else and didn't want to make Yoongi suffer.
Sensing Yoongi’s distress, Hoseok takes his friend’s hand on his in an attempt to save him from his melancholic thoughts. He knew bringing this subject would be hard to his hyung, but it was necessary. Hoseok was doing that solely for Yoongi's sake and happiness. “Hyung, I know it hurts you to talk about him, but you can’t keep waiting for the moment Taehyung will get in through that door and tell you he is sorry and had made a mistake. It breaks my heart to see the look on your face every time the doorbell chimes, but it’s never the person you’re waiting for.”
“Please, don’t get me wrong, I am not by any chance saying what you feel isn’t valid, but it’s hard for me to understand why you haven’t moved on. It’s been three years since he broke up with you.” Hoseok finishes while rubbing soothing circles on Yoongi’s pale and soft hands.
Not expecting to be confronted with his feelings Yoongi feels his breath hitching, but he knows Hoseok is right. Even though he’s tried to bottle down all his heartache, he’s still kept thinking about how deeply the break-up affected him.
Sighing in defeat, Yoongi admits to his best friend in a voice close to a whisper. “You know how I tend to second guess and overthink everything in my life, but with Taehyung, since the beginning, I felt so sure. I felt we were good for each other, not perfect. God knows there’s no such thing as perfect, but we were still good.
And after he left I completely lost my ground. I’ve started to feel so unsure, I’ve felt like I couldn’t make anything work again. Because how could I make things work? How could I be sure of anything in my life again when I was so damn wrong about the only thing that felt right to me? And to feel this way it’s scary, it’s so scary that sometimes I feel completely frozen, Seok.”
With his chest tight, Hoseok wipes the single tear that has rolled down Yoongi’s soft cheek. It’s the first time he has seen his hyung cry in the past three years.
He wishes, not for the first time, he’d pushed Yoongi to talk about his feelings, but Hoseok knows nothing good could come out of beating himself up too much. Besides, if he had done that to Yoongi, it would only have made him shut down even more.
“Hyung, I can’t promise you won’t ever feel this way again. Uncertainty is part of our life, and even though we tend to fear it, it’s something we usually experience when we try new or exciting things. So a little bit of it is the price we pay if we want to take a leap of faith” He says while squeezing Yoongi’s hand. “But I can promise you I’ll always stay right by your side, rooting for you. And I’m sure Kook feels the same way” Hoseok finishes with a smile that could rival the sun.
Yoongi knows Hoseok’s reassuring words won’t make his self-doubt and insecurities disappear like magic, but the knowledge he can count on him, whenever he gets the feeling of being stuck again is the last push he needs to finally leave the restaurant. “Seok-ah, I think you’re going to need a new waiter.” Yoongi says with a ghost of a smile.
“Hmm, I suppose you’re right. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to get someone who doesn’t complain about my tablecloths.” Hoseok quips.
“Ohh, c'mon on Seok-ah! I know you’re gonna miss me sitting here and complaining about these ugly little things.” Yoongi banters while fiddling with the hem of the cloth.
“No, I won’t, and you know why? 'Cause, you’ll come back and update Kook and me about your new job! I’ll make sure to book this exact same table once a week just so you can sit on your favorite spot.” Hoseok answers with a dimpled smile.
“So I better get going, right?” Yoongi can feel the nervousness bubbling in his stomach, but he knows there’s no turning back now.
“You’re going to be fine, hyung. Kook and I will see you here next week” Hoseok reassures him. Nodding one last time, Yoongi gets up from his seat, walks to the door and opens it. He barely registers the chime of the doorbell, too focused on the only two things he is sure of, he would always have his friends by his side and would always have a safe place at the restaurant.
fin
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