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Steve is happy.
He really is.
He likes where things are heading in his life despite the uncertainty he holds for when Project Rebirth finally happens. He likes the fact that he finally gets to serve his country like he always wanted even with his fucked up medical records. He likes that people like Peggy Carter and Dr. Erskine are giving him a chance to prove himself; that he was more than what his physical appearance says about him.
But most importantly, he likes where things are headed with him and Y/n. Hell -- he loves it!
They weren't official, no, they haven't gotten that far yet. But it doesn't matter. He thinks that this certain courting stage in their relationship might just be the best out there (even though this is the first time he's gone through one considering the furthest he's ever gotten with girls are the failed double dates Bucky kept insisting on him).
They had to keep a straight, stoic face while in exercise, of course, but that doesn't stop them from sneaking a few smiles here and there. If they were especially lucky, they'd be able to sneak out towards their little spot where it all started and would just stargaze in peace. At times they'd talk about anything and everything and if Y/n would allow it, Steve would grab her hand or wrap an arm around her shoulder.
It was bliss really.
Speaking of those lucky nights, well, Steve supposes tonight is one of those nights. They were once again perched on the log and there were the stars again, shining their brightest and prettiest as if they too were celebrating upon the chance of affection the two soldiers were able to claim.
It was special today, he decides. Y/n felt comfortable enough to lean slightly on Steve, her head dipped down to rest on his shoulder and though he knew that she was being cautious with him, he was glad that she was coming to him for comfort and trusted him to be able to provide it. It made him feel considerably better than before about himself and made him feel less inadequate just because he wasn't like the other guys with their girl.
Was she his girl? Does she want to be his girl? It feels like she is and even more so when they do couple stuff like this. But was this it? Does she want to take things further or does she want things to stay as is? Not that Steve would ever force her. As mentioned, he's happy with the way things are and even if they didn't reach that certain level in their relationship, at least he had a chance and wouldn't hold it against her if she decides he's not cut out for it. He will respect whatever decision she makes regardless of her choice.
"Steve?"
He snapped out of his thoughts when he hears her voice call his name and his eyes instantly fell on hers. They were wide and curious; probably questioning what kind of thoughts had him so tight in their grip that he lost touch with reality. Along with the general inquisitive nature of her expression, he could see hints of concern in her irises and he almost melts at the fact that she worries even with little things like him spacing out for a moment.
He feels her hand grab his; squeezing as if she was already comforting him from the slightly overwhelming feeling of the whirlwind of his thoughts even when she had no idea of what was bugging him at the moment. And he was grateful. Maybe even in awe of how acutely aware she is when he changes demeanors no matter how subtle they were.
Steve intertwines their fingers as he grasps her hand back to show his gratitude at her gesture.
The peery expression doesn't leave her face and it only increases as she tilts her head at him and he knows then that it was a silent request for him to spill it.
But he doesn't know if he could. Or if he's ready to. Or if she's ready to hear it. Was he? Was she? Were they? God, Steve's going nuts with all these unasked and unanswered questions and if he was honest, he's half-tempted to just blurt it out and get it over with.
He isn't going to do that though. He knows that's not how one does these things and he isn't going to trek the path just to find out what will happen if he did.
"Hey," Y/n started, her unoccupied hand reaching out to his cheek to make him face her again when he subconsciously looked away as he gets lost in his thoughts again. "You don't have to tell me what's been eatin' at ya if you're not ready. I'll understand, I promise. Though it is concerning me a bit considering how faraway that look in your eyes get." she tells him.
Steve could kiss this woman. And he probably would if he wasn't so damn scared of how she'll react to it. He wonders what he did to deserve such kindness and understanding from her. Did he save a whole damn village in his past life? He thinks he probably would never know but he isn't going to complain.
Instead, he lifts their joined hands until her knuckles were just right in front of his lips before starting to plant soft, lingering kisses on each and every one. Y/n was surprised but didn't pull her hand away, her cheeks burning into that familiar flushed state but her gaze was unwavering; still fixed on him. And was he hallucinating or is that sparkle he sees in her eyes?
When her grip on his hand tightened into a more determined and reassuring grip, it was then that Steve decided he was going to take the leap. Some may think [twice] about the fall and the impact of it that might crush anyone into smithereens (especially him but he wasn't going to entertain that thought any longer) and he might fear it too but he'll be damned if he lets another moment pass without trying to at least once to give the thought of a relationship with her a chance. And besides, live or die: she's worth it.
He straightens up in his seat, still gripping her hand as he sports a resolute but fond expression; eyes locked on hers.
"...I was thinking about us," he started after a rather large breath as means of preparation though it did nothing to reduce his nerves.
Steve eyes her as soon as he said that, observing her features and gauging if he made her uncomfortable in any way. What would he have done if he did anyway? A bunch of backpedaling, probably. And they'll cease to ever touch upon the subject again. No, Steve, stop it! He admonishes himself for thinking such negative thoughts when all he needed at the moment were positive ones along with an open mind. This could end up in so many ways and he has to be ready for any of them.
He could practically see the cogs in her brain turning and trying to decipher the reasoning behind his answer before even beginning to develop a reply. It made him smile some inwardly at the habit of hers even though it made him a teeny bit more jittery.
"And?" Y/n finally responded.
Steve gulped, "And...Well - You know I like you, don't you? A lot."
"Well I do hope so. Unless I've been misreading everything from day one and there really isn't anything in these..." she trails off and gestured to their situation and their intertwined hands. "I'd be terribly confused if you tell me we aren't actually courting. I mean - we are...aren't we? Courting, I mean." she was equally as awkward while stringing her words together and there was a worried but hopeful gleam in her eye that Steve wanted to protect in an instant.
"Yes! Yes, I mean - sorry, sorry -- yes." he cleared his throat through the course of his outburst and he vaguely hear Y/n's amused giggles amongst it. It was music to his ears no matter how sheepish it makes him.
"Yes to what Steve?" she asks softly and with a teasing grin.
There was another breath released, "Yes, I like you. I like you a lot. And yes, I am courting you. You - You do want this, don't you?" he searches her features for any sign of rejection frantically but found nothing but her ever present soft smile, which was a bit reassuring.
He thinks he could've fainted on the spot when Y/n kissed him on the cheek but was grateful to realize he only closed his eyes as it happened.
"I do Stevie. I like you too, you know? I like you a lot." She used his own words in reply with a cheeky grin which caused Steve to roll his eyes playfully at her along with a pinch to her cheek (which she bats away with a laugh). It ended with Steve's arm around her shoulders and both their hands clasped together, Y/n's head resting on him again.
He looked once more at the stars, catching a few falling ones blazing by while letting his best girl fidget around with their fingers.
He decided to shoot his shot then and take advantage of the light-hearted atmosphere, "So...we like each other.."
Y/n's grin can be felt. "Yes? What about it?" she jokingly challenges.
Steve compares their hands together from palm to fingers and hers fall short a few inches than his. "Well...I was wondering if - if you'd wanna be my girl.."
The smile fades from her face and was replaced by a shocked expression. He winces inwardly at this, scolding himself for "fucking everything up now". A few seconds encompasses them before Y/n finally found it in herself to talk again and what she asked made him perk up a little bit again.
"...You mean it?"
"Yeah...I do. I mean it, doll, I'd like to make you mine. If you'd let me.."
He willed himself to lock his blue eyes into a gaze with her again after saying that and he witnesses how her eyes close and her lips slowly pulls up into a huge smile, "Oh Steve..." she sighs in glee.
Her head began bobbing up and down into a nod, repeatedly so as she opens up her eyes and spoke words that made Steve's world light up and his worries melt away, "Yes...yes Steve. Okay."
He barely realized he was matching the beam on her lips as he willingly received the nuzzling from her on the space between his neck and jaw, relief beginning to feel his body in cool, soothing waves.
"Yeah? You'll be my best girl?" There was a good-natured disbelief in Steve's tone while simultaneously brimming with excitement as his brain processed the information and another nod from Y/n's head. He laughs; not at her but with her, joining her in her relieved state as he leans in and pressed their foreheads together.
"I'm your girl. Your best girl." she presses even more, eyes closed and grin still intact.
Steve's bottom lip made its way underneath his top set of teeth briefly as he reached his hands and cupped both sides of Y/n's face. Her irises then revealed themselves, settling on his own while holding on to his wrists.
"Can I kiss you?"
She nibbled on her lip before mumbling out her consent and Steve happily dipped his head until their lips were an inch apart. He spares one more glance up before finally tilting his head and slotting his lips with hers.
Oh my god, if this was a dream then Steve would probably commit homicide to anyone who would dare wake him up. Her lips are so soft and he could hear her breath hitch like his did. He could feel his heart starting to beat faster and if he chose to be cliché and quote some of the romance-themed books he read before, it felt as if it's indeed trying to escape his rib cage. It was exhilarating. A high he didn't expect to feel and it was almost like those hormones in high school they once talked about in high-school Science Class that makes him feel all nice and floaty.
Sadly though, the need to replenish their breaths made itself known so he had to part from her, which he did with a sounding smack. It didn't dampen his mood any though. As far as he knows, this is probably heaven. And he never want to set his feet down on the ground again.
He found himself resting his head against hers again, still coming down from basking in their new love. It was serene. In the best way possible. Until the silence was broken.
"If you've got another best girl somewhere out there before joining the army I swear I'm kicking your ass, Rogers."
There was a sudden laugh from him at Y/n's threat which she quickly follows. This - This right here, this sass she's got and the small flame that never leaves her is one of the reasons he knew he'd like to make her his. Boy does he love this side of her.
"No, no, you're my best and only girl," he reassures her with a chuckle in his voice before pecking her lips twice. It was a swear. A promise. "There's no one else out there, only you."
"I better be."
Steve's happy and he's sure he falls more for this woman everyday. And now that she's his, he vows he's going to cherish her in every way he can.