Work Text:
So, I figured I'd use the situation we're currently in for a short story shipping Kenny and Wendy (the pandemic, I mean). I mean, there's no easier way to write a story than to write shit that you're living through, am I right?
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. This is also not a political story, but I do request that you get the vaccine if you haven't yet. I'm someone who's more at risk if we get an even worse variant than the Delta variant.
The blond man in the orange coat walked up to the cashier at the Walmart. It was his former best friend's girlfriend, a girl in a pink beret with the same kind of mask on her face that he had. The woman looked around and was relieved that the only one of the customers who that was wearing a mask was the only one at her cash register. Wendy had been dealing with these idiots all week, and she was getting sick of it. Sure, she was vaccinated, but her dad still caught COVID and died despite being vaccinated due to there being a new variant that was easier to catch, though people were still less likely to get hospitalized and even die after getting vaccinated. She didn't want to even take any chances with the virus damaging her lungs however.
The blond man was still poor, only being a McDonald's employee, so he walked up to her register with a bag of bread and a Pepsi: Zero Sugar because this author's a soda addict and has to reference it at a store scene. The bag of bread being for his family so they could have bread sandwiches and not go hungry tonight. The soda was a treat for himself because he liked to be able to spend his own money on himself every once in a while.
"Oh, hey, Kenny," Wendy greeted. She couldn't recognize his face due to the mask. What she recognized him by was his own attire, which had never seemed to change in all the years she's known him, an orange parka.
"Hey, Wendy," Kenny replied, his voice muffled. His face had actually been completely visible ever since he'd turned 13 due to his head increasing slightly in size, which made it easier to hear him, however the mask seemed to have the same effect on his voice as the hood used to.
"I mean this when I say it, Kenny, thank you for wearing the mask!"
"Trust me, I don't want to catch COVID again..." Kenny replied.
"Wait, you caught COVID?" Wendy questioned. "Well, I'm glad you survived!" She scanned his bag of bread.
Sure, let's go with that... Kenny thought.
"I had to break up with stupid Stan because he wouldn't wear the damn mask or get vaccinated," Wendy explained. "Apparently, he believes all the stupid shit FOX News has been saying. Seriously, I hate FOX News. They're on the same network as Family Guy, and we all know how the creators of this show feel about that show..."
"Yeah, it's dumb," Kenny agreed as Wendy scanned his Pepsi: Zero Sugar.
"Know what? As thanks, I'll pay for this for you, Kenny," Wendy said.
"Are - Are you sure?" Kenny asked, actually surprised by this.
"Yeah, I mean we've been friends for a long time, and you're not acting like any of these morons I've been dealing with lately - and it's actually really cheap stuff anyway, so no harm, no foul."
"Well..." Kenny paused. "Tell you what, maybe I can take you to where I work tonight and get you some food on the house?"
"Kenny McCormick, are you asking me out on a date?"
"Why not? You just told me you're single now," Kenny joked.
"Alright, I'd love to," Wendy said.
"Great," Kenny said. "Well, I'll get this home to my family now. Wish I could bring home enough free food from work for four other people, but my boss will cut off my nutsack if I did that."
"Okay, bye, Kenny."
Kenny left the store and then as soon as he got outside, he began coughing and fell over unconscious because unbeknownst to him, he had the Delta Variant of COVID-19. He didn't end up in the hospital however because he landed in front of a middle-aged driver's vehicle and they ran over his head, splattering his brains all over the place.
Thankfully, Kenny woke up on the same day, at the time he had to leave for work, and the bag of bread and soda he got was in his bed too so his family would have something to eat and he could drink his soda on the way to his job/date.
Things went well for Kenny and Wendy that night.
For anyone that's worried about Wendy in this scenario. Kenny was wearing the mask, so he didn't spread any droplets over to Wendy. And when Kenny wakes up after dying, my assumption is that any illness he had is immediately gone, like how his body heals if he's killed violently. And if you're going to assume his family had the Delta Variant so he'll just catch it again. I've read that the vaccine is still effective against it, so I'll just say they didn't catch it from him because they were among the lucky ones.