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Your sadness comes in waves. Sometimes they are forceful, sometimes they are gentle, and sometimes they never make it to your shores.
On the days your mind is weary and your heart feels heavy, you bury yourself in your own little tower and let the feelings burn you until they die out. Most days you do this unnoticed, and you were thankful to not make a fuss. But ever since Namjoon came into your life it seemed like that tower was going to crumble. God, part of you wanted it to be destroyed.
The past week hasn’t been the best. You kept on waking up with grey clouds hanging above your head that followed you around to no end. You tried to smile and laugh, do everything and anything that could erase the tightness in your chest and yet nothing worked.
Namjoon has been staying over for the past two days out of his own worry for you, although he doesn’t say it because he doesn’t want you to feel even more guarded. But you knew, though. And the thought of it made you feel guilty and selfish.
Tonight the both of you had sushi for dinner from your favorite restaurant, and you really tried to be cheerful—to be grateful that you get to enjoy such luxuries with the person you love most. But no matter how much you try, your smile can never spread wide, nor can your eyes shine the way they usually do.
“Baby, what’s been bothering you?” Namjoon asks you later that night as you both sat in front of the TV.
“It’s nothing,” you tell him quietly, forcing your eyes back on the show that was playing—something about detectives solving a crime. You can feel his gaze on you as he let out a small sigh. He’s been trying to coax you into talking to him about this, but you always avoid the question because talking about it means you will break down in front of him and you simply can’t do that. You shouldn’t. It’s not his burden to deal with. So you decided to move to your bedroom and maybe hide under the covers until you cry it all out for the night. “I should go to bed now.” You stand up to head to the bedroom, but a hand on your arm stops you.
“Please don’t shut me out.” He pleads. You look up at the ceiling, trying to make sure the tears pooling stay in your eyes.
He pulls you back onto the seat to face him. “Look at me, please.” He asks and you do. His eyes so full of concern and his thumb running over the back of your hand ever so gently you feel like you could cry at his tenderness. You were already crying now as the tears that you tried to hold back flow down your face.
“I don’t know what you’re going through right now and if you don’t feel like you can talk about it, that’s okay. If you need time alone that’s okay, too. Just say the word. But don’t pretend that you’re fine when you’re not and close yourself off. Please talk to me, baby.”
And just like that, the tower that held itself together for so long finally fell apart, and you let yourself cry freely for the first time in a long time instead of letting it happen quietly. You cling onto him and let the tides rise and tell him about the pain you’ve held in your being. He listens to you, chin on top of your head as he wraps his arms tightly around your shaking body, letting his tears for you fall. He wishes he could take it all away.
You woke up with a lighter chest the next day.