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“Do you think you could be happy without me in your life?” you ask. Your voice is empty, cold, a mere whisper into the air as you stare at the wall ahead of you. Natasha sighs, looking at your side profile.
“No, because you’re my happiness. You’re my light, my hope, my inspiration,” she answers, her voice just as quiet. It’s light, it’s filled with all of the emotions you can’t let yourself feel.
“Promise?” Your voice cracks. Natasha inhales sharply as you turn to look at her, your eyes red and filling with tears.
“I promise, my love.”
•••
Bullets fly past you, some piercing the wood surrounding you. The off-brand Ikea desk was the only thing you could flip over fast enough for cover, but it’s not enough.
It would be easier if they used hollow points, but this is HYDRA. Full metal jackets only, they might be through-and-through, but they cut through armor and cover much better.
You only have two mags left, twelve rounds each. There’s at least forty HYDRA agents on-base.
You’re not getting out of this one.
It’s okay, you’re not afraid of death. You signed up for it the moment you joined S.H.I.E.L.D., solidified it when you accepted Fury’s proposal to join the Avengers Initiative.
Death is the one promise no one can break.
Dying, on the other hand? You always thought you’d have her with you, maybe she’d comfort you, whisper promises until you ran out of blood. Or you die with a promise to love her in whatever beyond awaits on your tongue.
You’d give anything to see her face one last time, hear her voice, feel her lips on your forehead, hands in yours, anything.
You feel the wood next to your head splinter before your brain can process the sound. It doesn’t hit you, but it’s enough to kick you back into action.
Barely giving yourself the chance to take a deep breath, you jump up from your barely-there cover, firing off a couple rounds.
Two agents go down.
Thirty-eight left .
The entourage goes silent, the clicking sounds of guns reloading replacing the gunshots. Running up the hallway and sliding up to a wall, you manage to count six guys, the others are gone - or at least out of sight for now.
“Where’d your friends go?” you call out, none of them respond. “That’s what I thought you’d say…”
Suddenly the men scream, the sound of bodies hitting the tile floor make you flinch.
Someone else is here .
A painfully familiar voice calls out your name, and you’re not sure if you want to sigh in relief or cry yourself to unconsciousness.
“I’m here! I’m over here,” you answer. You quickly put the safety on your gun, dropping it to the ground before ripping your vest off.
“Hey, hey, I’m here,” your redheaded heartbreaker says. You almost want to laugh at how easy it is for you to relax, just from hearing her voice.
“Why are you here, Nat?” you ask, voice full of more emotion than you’ve felt since she left.
“I know you’re not afraid of death, but dying is your worst nightmare,” she says quietly. Natasha walks closer, enough to pull you into her arms. Against your better judgment, you let her. Before you can say something that’ll only end in more heartbreak, she speaks up. “I lied.”
“It’s kind of your thing,” you say with a sad laugh. “You’re a spy.”
“No, I lied to you. You’re still my happiness, I thought I could find a new happiness, but you’re it for me.”
It’s everything you’ve ever wanted to hear from her, everything you never thought she’d say, but here it is.
“I love you,” she says against your lips, her forehead touching yours.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“I love you, to-”
She cuts you off with a kiss, and you know she means it this time.
•••
“If you walk out right now, if you kick me out of your life, will you be happy?” you ask; empty voice, numb facial expression, slouched posture, emotionless eyes.
“Yes.” It’s simple, unfeeling yet filled with everything else you don’t want to feel. It’s fact, not fiction.
Despite a life of lies, she’s never fictitious with you.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Some promises are made already broken.