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Yamato found him. It took a damn long time because Yamato had to make his way back from his mission with Anko and Sai to the smoking crater where Konoha used to be. Then he had to scream for a while since he’d built or repaired most of the village (Kakashi was laying low for medical evaluation and he still heard Yamato yelling about repair efforts and regrowth projects). Then Yamato presumably had to hear what had happened to the village. Then he had to hear what had happened to Kakashi. It wasn’t common to die and come back, even in a world ruled by ninjas and ninjutsu.
“Hey, Tenzo,” he said when Yamato walked into his tent. Kakashi had changed clothes and cleaned himself up since he had brought Naruto back to the village. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, which wasn’t a very normal position for a man who liked to lounge as much as he did. Especially considering that it was four in the morning.
“I got your location from Rin,” Yamato said before Kakashi could ask. “Guy’s still looking for you.”
“You went to Guy first?” Kakashi said.
“No, he asked me where you were,” Yamato said. “I told him I didn’t know, but to ask me again in twenty minutes. Rin said that you—”
“So I have twenty minutes to convince you not to tell him where I am?” Kakashi said, sounding thoughtful. “I like this challenge. Sounds sexy.”
“It’s not a challenge,” Yamato said. He pulled the clipboard from behind his back, sending a brick of paperwork flapping. “You’re going to explain what you did and I’m going to listen to you and decide if you’re fit for active duty.”
“Ohhhhh this isn’t a conjugal visit.” Kakashi’s shoulders drooped and he hung his head, a posture of abject disappointment.
Yamato took a slow breath in, eyes raised to the ceiling. “No. This is incredibly impersonal.”
Kakashi’s head snapped up at that. “Oh?”
Yamato walked over to sit on the camp bed that looked as though no one had cracked open the sheets to sleep in it since it had been set up. He raised a pencil in his bandaged right hand and read off the first question on the sheet: “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your current emotional state. One is depressed, five is baseline, and ten is highly emotional. You can specify elated, enraged, nervous, et cetera on that last one.”
“This is such a shitty rating system,” Kakashi said. “They haven’t changed those forms since the Third Great Shinobi War.”
Yamato’s lips tightened. He flipped through the rest of the pages, skimming the questions. “They all seem to be self-assessment based, so I’m going to leave it with you,” he said. He lay the clipboard down on the thin pillow at the head of the bed, placed the pencil on top of it, and rose.
“What?” Kakashi said. He had his hands pressed to the ground, fingers sinking into the dirt floor of the tent. “What’s the matter?”
Yamato gave a short bow, almost a mere dip of his head. “I’ll be back in half an hour to pick these forms up. With Guy. Be sure to sign and date at the end of the packet.” He left the tent.
Kakashi had excellent hearing, so he caught the sound of Yamato inhaling sharply, then breathing out just as quickly. He listened to the man’s footsteps pad away. He glanced at the packet of papers left on his bed. He looked back where Yamato had left.
When Yamato came back a half-hour later on the dot, Kakashi was still sitting where Yamato had left him. “Tenzo,” Kakashi said.
Yamato aimed a flat look at the clipboard. “You didn’t fill it out.”
“Could you tell me what’s wrong?”
“You died.”
Kakashi wasn’t moving but somehow he became even more frozen. “Yes. I did.”
“And why did you do that?” Yamato said. He asked in the way of someone who already knew the answer. He was still staring at the clipboard rather than Kakashi.
“Overused chakra,” Kakashi said.
“How often have you been told about your tendency to overuse chakra?” Yamato said.
“Uh.”
“I’ve been there for the most recent check-ups with Rin,” Yamato said. “She’s warned you every single time. She sounds tired of the routine, which suggests to me that she’s been telling you this since you got the Sharingan. When you were eleven.”
Kakashi’s hands twitched on his knees at the mention of Obito’s gift. “I guess she—”
“So it’s been well over a decade and a half,” Yamato continued. “You’ve been hearing about it for that long. Am I right?”
“Yes,” Kakashi said.
“And yet it’s what you died of.”
Kakashi turned so that his hidden eye was towards Yamato. “Yes.”
There was a long silence. Yamato was probably waiting for him to make eye contact but Kakashi kept his dual-purpose forehead protector and eyepatch turned stubbornly toward the man.
“You frustrate me on a deep, personal level that I’m uncomfortable with, Kakashi-senpai.”
“That’s your problem,” Kakashi said.
“I suppose it is,” Yamato said after a moment. “It doesn’t have to be your problem anymore.”
Kakashi’s hands moved from his knees to dangle in the bowl of his legs. He didn’t turn his face. He didn’t answer.
“Guy?” Yamato called. “You can come in.”
Immediately, an enthusiastic bowl cut poked through the crack in the tent. “Thank you, Yamato! Kakashi, my Eternal Rival!”
Kakashi rubbed the exposed side of his face with a hand. “Hey, Guy.”
“I’ll leave you,” Yamato said. His voice carried no inflection. He was gone before Guy could move out of his way. The tent flap twitched at his passage, but fell still quickly.
“Kakashi!” Guy boomed again.
“What’s up?” Kakashi said.
“There has already been most auspicious progress in planning the return of our village to its former glory!” Guy said. “I am, of course, joining the rebuilding team. Your, uh. Yamato is— He’s a major force in the rebuilding efforts.” Guy shifted uneasily. “Um. Yamato was most upset by your temporary demise. He was not clear on specifics, but how are you two—?”
“Fuckbuddies is probably the term he’d like the least,” Kakashi said. “Well, soulmates would be worse but for totally different reasons.”
Guy blinked. “So then, if he was not those, then what was he to you?”
“Roommates,” Kakashi said.
Guy nodded slowly. “Truly, your skills at keeping personal relationships a secret are unparalleled—”
“Roommates is pretty accurate,” Kakashi continued. “We shared a life.”
Guy’s face brightened to a blinding degree. “Ah! I understand.”
Kakashi leaned away from the onslaught of Guy’s delight. “Uh.”
“I’m pleased you have someone so clearly devoted to your wellbeing and happiness, beyond Medic Rin and myself and Naruto and Sakura!” Guy said, beaming. “He is able to meet you as none of us ever will. I feel an upwelling of pride for you, that you are able to invite someone to share in your suffering, in your space beyond our noble work, and in your boudoir. It is a step that I, alas, have yet to—”
“I think he just dumped me,” Kakashi said.
Guy squatted down and clapped a hand to Kakashi’s shoulder. “Nonsense! You are simply unsure of how to proceed! Find your sense of contentment and inner peace, speak with him, and all will be forgiven. The position of ‘roommate’”— Guy gave him a huge wink—“is not surrendered lightly. It can be mended, for you have the strength and moral fortitude—”
“He’s really pissed off,” Kakashi said.
“Of course he’s enraged! He nearly lost a roommate such as yourself and didn’t know it!”
“Yeah, why’d Lady Tsunade tell him about that?” Kakashi said. “I’m fine now.”
“The Hokage did not tell him,” Guy said, smile fading. “Medic Rin did.”
“Oh that asshole,” Kakashi groaned. “Why’d she do it, then?”
“She likes Yamato,” Guy said, shrugging. “She thinks that his straightforward, communicative nature is good for you. And, ah, the Hokage—”
“The fuck? He’s ex-ANBU like me, why does she think he’s straightforward and communicative?”
Guy winced gently at the curse. “I’m simply repeating what she told me. But I have seen him tackle difficult conversations with a determination I find admirable.”
“Yeah, well, I’m terrible at tough conversations,” Kakashi said. “And he didn’t even try to talk with me this time, so Rin’s full of shit.”
“She is not,” Guy said. “Yamato was most likely expecting you to speak frankly with him, perhaps apologize for dying. When you didn’t, it was a disappointment to him.”
Kakashi cocked his head to the side. “That makes sense, I guess.”
“So!” Guy clapped his hands together sharply. “You must find him and open your heart!”
“Can’t move,” Kakashi said. “Chakra exhaustion.” It wasn’t strictly true—he’d piggybacked Naruto to Konoha, after all—but it was true he didn’t feel completely steady on his feet now. He could probably recover more of his strength if he napped but it felt too much like dying all over again when he closed his eyes. If he touched anything, leaned back or lay down or pulled on a blanket, he’d be reminded or how the rubble had trapped him. The memories wouldn’t fade—the Sharingan would make sure of that—but he’d get used to them soon. Not this soon, though. He knew what would start new nightmares.
“You cannot move or you will not?” Guy said, a sly look in his eye.
“Yes,” Kakashi said.
“I shall carry you, my Eternal Rival! For your love is strong and youthful, and you must—”
“No,” Kakashi said, but it was useless. Guy wasn’t going to be interrupted again. He hauled Kakashi upright by the armpits, then ducked under Kakashi’s torso and dragged him into a fireman’s carry.
“Onward!” Guy bellowed. Kakashi groaned as they took off.
Guy deposited Kakashi at the edge of the forest. Yamato barely had time to turn from where he’d been inspecting the treeline before Guy blurred away, leaving Kakashi with his knees tucked up, his back against a tree, and his arms wrapped over his stomach.
“Yo,” Kakashi said.
Yamato nodded at him and turned to look out over the empty pit where Konoha had once been. There were tents everywhere around the edges, fires flickering and a green glow emanating from a few tents that indicated where medical procedures were underway. They’d left the wrecked bowl of Konoha empty, though. It would be easier for Yamato to start building again from scratch, and if no one got comfortable in the empty spaces, all the better. Not having to shift refugees took out one step of rebuilding.
“So, Guy gave me some relationship advice,” Kakashi said when it was clear Yamato wouldn’t be initiating this chat.
“Did he.”
“He told me I’d kinda fucked up.”
“Did you.”
“Could we try this whole conversation again? No paperwork?”
“Mm.”
Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, fingers catching at the knots, the armored backs of his gloves tangling. He gave up and dropped his hand again with a sigh. “I’m sorry I died.”
Yamato’s shoulders shifted slightly under his vest, a slow roll of discomfort. “Yes. Well.”
“In my defense, I—”
“You should stop there,” Yamato told him. “It’s going to go downhill if you start giving me justifications. The protection of the Hidden Leaf is paramount, I won’t deny that. I have no experience fighting Pain and I cannot imagine their strength if a single one was able to do this.” He waved vaguely at the absent Leaf Village. “However. I have held you in high esteem—I don’t think you know how high—for a very long time and seeing that you are not infallible is. Difficult. For me.”
Kakashi looked at the stiff set of Yamato’s shoulders. He followed the loose, empty line of his arms hanging by his sides. “Hey. Tenzo. C’mere.”
Yamato turned to look back at him. The grey, pre-dawn flashed off his faceplate, then his features were in shadow. Kakashi had good night vision but it was hard to parse his expression. Yamato was delightfully difficult to read on a regular day; now it was almost impossible to see anything in those black eyes.
Kakashi held a hand out and waggled his fingers. “C’mere.”
Yamato moved until he was standing over him.
Kakashi rolled his eye. “Sit down.”
“I don’t—”
“What d’you think I’m gonna do? You wound me.”
Yamato sat. He stretched his legs out straight in front of him and crossed his ankles, then crossed his arms over his chest. The tree trunk behind the two of them shifted into something more comfortable. Kakashi draped his arm over Yamato’s shoulder, feeling the way the man radiated stillness and warmth.
Kakashi was experiencing pins-and-needles numbness to the wrist by the time he spoke up again. “I don’t forget I’m human, but usually I know can get away with. I underestimated my opponent, though. I keep thinking what I’d have done differently but honestly, I can’t see what it’d be. I lost.” He felt Yamato tense up, breathing uneven, and he moved from a passive draping arm to sliding a comforting hand up and down Yamato’s bicep. “But I’m alive right now, yeah?”
Yamato shifted, drooping slightly so he could rest his head in the space under Kakashi’s chin. “You are, yes.” The hard metal edge of his faceplate dug into Kakashi’s collar bone.
“I try not to think about it,” Kakashi admitted. “I’d never get anything done if I remembered I’m already getting close to jonin life expectancy average.”
“Stop,” Yamato said.
“Oh, are we having a moment?” Kakashi asked, twisting to try and get a look at Yamato’s face.
“No,” Yamato said. “You’re depressing me. And making me more concerned about your mental health.”
Kakashi moved his hand up to ruffle Yamato’s dark, greasy hair. “Sorry, Tenzo.”
Yamato sighed. “I did sign up for this.”
“Well, no,” Kakashi said. “You definitely didn’t sign up for this specifically. Because this rebirth thing is weird.”
“I signed up for you,” Yamato said. “I should expect the outrageous.”
Kakashi couldn’t hold back a grin. “True.”
“You’re lucky,” Yamato said.
“Yeah, I know, you put up with a lot from—”
“I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m telling you that the fact you’re alive is a matter of bizarre luck,” Yamato said. He sat up on his knees, glaring into Kakashi’s good eye. “Don’t rely on that again.”
Kakashi cocked his head. “I never rely on luck.”
“Yes, I know." Yamato buried his face in his hands. "I know that.”
“So what’s the problem?” Kakashi asked, mystified.
Yamato didn’t take his hands away. “I don’t know. I’m just scared. For you.”
“This is what we do,” Kakashi said. “We’re shinobi.”
“Yes. But I don’t like it when you seem this resigned to losing.”
“I wasn’t resigned. I did everything I possibly could to live, and then suddenly I had to save Choji so he could get intel to Lady Tsunade and living wasn’t as important.”
“Goddammit,” Yamato breathed, so quietly that there was no way Kakashi was meant to hear him sound that sad.
“What?” Kakashi said. “I’m saying the wrong things but they’re true. And you know they’re true, you’d have done the same.”
Yamato took his hands away and glared. “You’re so fucking devoted to Konoha.”
Hearing Yamato swear was a rare and shining event to be treasured. Right now, though Kakashi was simply bewildered. “Uhhh, yeah? I am?”
“You’re the ideal ninja,” Yamato said.
“Thank you? I mean, that’s arguable but…” Kakashi shook his head, clearing away the compliment. “I thought you were mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at myself,” Yamato said. “I’ll get over it.” He leaned in, yanked Kakashi’s mask down, and kissed Kakashi before Kakashi knew what was happening. It wasn’t a conversational kiss, the give-and-take, checking-in sort of thing that Yamato usually did after Kakashi returned from a life-threatening mission. This was an angry kiss. Yamato didn’t care what Kakashi had to say right now. He had something to communicate and it was furious. His fingers sank into Kakashi’s tangled up mess of hair, his bandaged right hand a bit more gingerly than his intact left, and there was no tongue but there was a lot of pressure and heat and silence. Kakashi hung on to Yamato’s shoulders and waited him out. He tried to push back, test what was happening, but Yamato just twisted his fingers into Kakashi’s hair even tighter and kept pressing forward until Kakashi hit the tree. Yamato was up on his knees at that point and Kakashi was ten seconds from getting a major crick in his neck, so he dragged two fingers against the spot under Yamato’s ear that was ticklish as hell.
Yamato pulled back with a yelp.
“You wanna continue this somewhere more comfortable?” Kakashi said, waggling his eyebrow as he caught his breath.
“I have work to do,” Yamato said. “Starting in…” he glanced toward the eastern horizon. “Mm. Roughly an hour.”
“Did you sleep at all?” Kakashi asked. He tugged his mask back into place.
Yamato shook his head, focused on the faint light behind the mountains.
“Me either,” Kakashi said.
“Yes, I saw as much when I showed up at an unreasonable hour hoping to check on you without having to deal with you,” Yamato said dryly.
“Why wouldn’t you want to deal with me?” Kakashi said. “I’m so easy. To deal with, I mean.”
The corner of Yamato’s mouth twitched before he could bite his lip and hold it still. He huffed, either a sigh or a laugh, Kakashi couldn’t be sure which. “In truth, I’m still processing the fact that you aren’t immortal.”
“Seriously?”
“I’ve seen you in action. No matter how bad things get, you always manage something. The fact that you didn’t, that you couldn’t this time… It’s hard to imagine.” Yamato settled back on his heels, still gazing towards the sunrise. “I’ll get over this last little piece of hero-worship, I suppose.”
“You think I’m a hero,” Kakashi hummed, full of teasing mockery. “You think I’m amazing. You think I can do anything.”
Yamato looked at him, black eyes serious. “Of course I do.”
Kakashi smiled behind the mask. “You aren’t far off.”
“You know, I initially thought Naruto did this?” Yamato said, gesturing towards the crater with his bad hand. “He hit nine tails as I was running over and I didn’t know what to think. Nothing worked to stop him. The First Hokage’s necklace is broken. The only one who has a hope of controlling him now is you.”
Kakashi nodded, his smile slipping away. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“I’ll help you,” Yamato said. “If I can.”
“C’mere,” Kakashi said.
They watched the sun rise and spread its light over the carvings of the five Hokage, staring with blind pride over the ruin of Konoha, until they had to go to work.