Work Text:
PART ONE
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CC: It is 2018 and you are on exchange in Rome Italy
God fucking damn it why does my alarm always have to go off during my favourite dreams. Literally was back at family Christmas last year eating roast potatoes god I miss my mums roast potatoes how I would kill to have them right now. Fuck shit idiot how have I wasted 30 minutes laying in bed thinking about roast potatoes!
"Oi y/n hurry up would you it is 7:30 we need to leave in ten minutes" that's Costanza my host sister how I hate being in the same class as her. We are so different she is popular and just follows what everyone else is doing a bit of a sheep if you ask me. And here I am with short shaggy hair black nail polish platform docs brown cords and the coolest woolen jumper you have ever seen. Everyone expects me to hang out with her and her friends so it makes making friends at school really hard.
"I'm ready Costa lets go!"
"Ugh y/n why do you never wear the bracelets I gave you at least then you might fit in a little"
"Costa I have my own style you have yours and I really do appreciate the bracelets but that doesn't mean me not wearing them makes me uncool or anything - you know that right?"
"I know Mum just keeps wanting me to get you to fit in more."
"Well I would really appreciate if you just stayed out of it!" This is the part I regret I rolled my eyes...extremely intensely and then ran off ahead. This would have been fine if I had friends to run and join. But as you can guess I didn't. I am in my host sisters class and because of that no one wants to be friends with me other than her friends who I definitely do not want to be friends with.
When I make it to school I check in - it is really weird here you have to scan your student pass at the start of the day to show that you were at school on time even though they still do the roll. Then head to class I sit at my desk..the one next to Costanza and sit through French latin and French history. The worst subjects to ever possibly exist for me an English speaker who can only speak a little bit of Italian. How on earth can I learn French and latin in Italian when I am not even fluent in Italian. That is besides the point though during our fifteen minute lunch break we were listening to the top 50 songs on the Italian charts. Rank 3 was this song called Torna A Casa - although I couldn't entirely understand the words yet I could pick up words here and there but the song itself was beautiful to listen to. I have never felt this drawn to a song before. But by the time it is finished I can't even remember the title of the song let alone the lyrics to google it. And I doubt Costanza would be willing to help me work it out.
The song has never left my head everywhere I go anything I think it is there constantly. Interrupting my every thought. Oh I - quindi Marlena torna casa che non voglio aspettare - need water. But to remember the title is beyond me.
PART ONE
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CC: It is 2018 and you are on exchange in Rome Italy
God fucking damn it why does my alarm always have to go off during my favourite dreams. Literally was back at family Christmas last year eating roast potatoes god I miss my mums roast potatoes how I would kill to have them right now. Fuck shit idiot how have I wasted 30 minutes laying in bed thinking about roast potatoes!
"Oi y/n hurry up would you, it is 7:30 we need to leave in ten minutes" that's Costanza my host sister how I hate being in the same class as her. We are so different she is popular and just follows what everyone else is doing a bit of a sheep if you ask me. And here I am with short shaggy hair black nail polish platform docs brown cords and the coolest woollen jumper you have ever seen. Everyone expects me to hang out with her and her friends so it makes making friends at school really hard.
"I'm ready Costa lets go!"
"Ugh y/n why do you never wear the bracelets I gave you at least then you might fit in a little"
"Costa I have my own style you have yours and I really do appreciate the bracelets but that doesn't mean me not wearing them makes me uncool or anything - you know that right?"
"I know Mum just keeps wanting me to get you to fit in more."
"Well, I would appreciate it if you just stayed out of it!" This is the part I regret I rolled my eyes...extremely intensely and then ran off ahead. This would have been fine if I had friends to run and join. But as you can guess I didn't. I am in my host sisters class and because of that, no one wants to be friends with me other than her friends who I definitely do not want to be friends with.
When I make it to school I check-in - it is really weird here you have to scan your student pass at the start of the day to show that you were at school on time even though they still do the roll. Then head to class I sit at my desk..the one next to Costanza and sit through French Latin and French history. The worst subjects to ever possibly exist for me an English speaker who can only speak a little bit of Italian. How on earth can I learn French and Latin in Italian when I am not even fluent in Italian. That is beside the point though during our fifteen-minute lunch break we were listening to the top 50 songs on the Italian charts. Rank 3 was this song called Torna A Casa - although I couldn't entirely understand the words yet I could pick up words here and there but the song itself was beautiful to listen to. I have never felt this drawn to a song before. But by the time it is finished, I can't even remember the title of the song let alone the lyrics to google it. And I doubt Costanza would be willing to help me work it out.
The song has never left my head everywhere I go anything I think it is there constantly. Interrupting my every thought. Oh I - quindi Marlena torna casa che non voglio aspettare - need water. But to remember the title is beyond me.
PART TWO
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cc: After school, you decide to approach your mum and ask if there is any possibility of taking different classes when your sister's class have French and Latin
"Elisabetta would I be able to speak to you for a second"
"Of course y/n what's going on is everything alright?"
"Yeah but - you know how Costa's class has French and Latin lessons?"
"Yep?"
"I was wondering if there is any possibility of me not taking them because I have no idea what is going on - perhaps I could join another class or just have those periods off. I don't know but just something so I don't have to sit through them."
"Of course I will see what I can do I will contact your school in the morning!"
"Thank you so much!"
I am so happy I just found out from Betta that my school is letting me join the year above when Costa's class has French and Latin. That way I get to do chem and bio instead! Betta said that students from the other class will come and get me so I don't get lost. I honestly am just hoping I can make friends in that class now that there is no expectation for me to be friends with anyone in particular in the class.
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French lesson has just started and no one has come to collect me. I am going to be stuck in this confusing class forever - I barely speak Italian let alone French. Io non capisce francese. I am stuck next to Costa in French doing absolutely nothing. Prof. Lambert has started calling the roll and the little hope I had left drains out of me like a pressure hose. Costa leans over and whispers in my ear.
"Guess you are stuck with me then" but right then right when all I wanted to do was punch her - when obviously I wouldn't because I don't want to be kicked off of exchange but if I could with no repercussions I would. There is a knock at the door. My heart skips not just a beat but ten beats. The prof opens the door and it is a boy - Gian Carlo. That is what he introduces himself as, as he walks me to his classroom.
He opens the door to his room and we walk. The Prof. instructs me to take a seat and I do. Laying my books on my desk I look across to my left and smile at the girl next to me and continue unpacking.
"Hey I am Vic what's your name?" drifts over to me from the girl I smiled at.
PART THREE
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"I am um y/n it's nice to meet you" I send a shy smile her way.
"Hey y/n would you like to introduce yourself to the class"
"Hi everyone I am y/n I am on exchange from Australia I am 16 and my host sister is in the year below it's nice to meet you all!"
"Does anyone have any questions for y/n?"
A boy at the back who seems not quite sure of himself raises his hand.
"Dam, what would you like to ask?"
"I just wanted to say I like your outfit today it's really cool"
Vic leans over and whispers to me
"I agree you look really cool with this outfit"
My face slowly morphs into a tomato and Vic giggles.
I don't remember much of that class only that a group of people asked if I wanted to hang out this afternoon and get gelato together. Vic said they'd meet me at the gate. Friends, I might actually be making friends! For the first time on exchange so far I feel truly happy! When I return to Costa's class everyone asks me how it was. Obviously, I said they were nice and my plans for this arvo. Costa just rolls her eyes at me and tells me I need to be home by 5 because her mum wants to teach me how to make pizza.
When class finished Costa just leaves - no goodbye just walking out unburdened by my presence. Normally this would leave me feeling shaken, stressed, anxious. Knowing I am getting gelato doesn't give me time to feel hurt all I feel is happiness.
Standing at the gate feels like forever. An hour. A month. A year. Maybe they aren't coming. Maybe I made it all up. Maybe I was never invited for gelato. Maybe everything today was a dream a wish something I longed for but would never have. Then I see her blonde hair flowing as she runs down the road towards me beaming. Behind a group of people tailing all grinning and waving.
Do I now have a place I belong?
PART FOUR
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She runs up to me beaming. In one swift motion, I am spun around and introduced to everyone in the group. There is Leo, Eleonora, Sara, Giulia and Francesco. None as pretty as Victoria but all as cool. They link my arms with them and together we walk into the centre of Rome, arms linked. The whole way they are asking me questions. Interested in me as a person. They are teaching me Italian too. It turns into a game they point at something I make up an Italian word for it, they laugh then tell me the name. I then practice and any time I see another one I point and give the name they told me.
I belong.
I no longer am the tail of the group. I am not a burden. If I don't understand they take turns translating. They all wait excitedly to see how I react to what they were talking about.
Soon enough - maybe even too soon. We make it to the gelateria. Everyone runs in to order and I hang back. Unsure of both what to order and how to order. Vic comes over and gives me a nudge and rests her chin on my shoulder. She whispers in my ear
"We can share two double scoops if you would like that way you can try more flavours. You have to try pistacchio and cioccolato - you can pick the other two flavours!"
"Can you surprise me? I have never had Italian Gelato before so I wouldn't know what flavours are good."
"Of course! I will be back in a sec - actually come in and you can hear me order. Maybe after I have taken you for gelato enough you will pick up on how to order!"
Her hand brushes mine and grabs hold. Blood rushes through my body heat rising from the hand she holds almost as if she, herself, is pushing heat through my body. My cheeks go red and a smile is forced across my face (although I was already smiling). My ears are on fire and I am handed gelato. How did I manage to miss her ordering god damn it?
Outside Leo is waving to us from a bench. We run over.
"Ok, so where do we want to go?" Eleonora really likes planning things.
"How about we take y/n to somewhere pretty to sit like"
"Let's take them to the church steps!"
We stand up to walk Vic and I sharing our icecreams - when her arm swings around my shoulder.
Is this just normal teenage behaviour in Italy? Or is this something? All I know is that she makes me feel goddamn nervous!
PART FIVE
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Cc: the group of friends have finished their gelato and have gathered to depart and go home
"Ciao!!" Giulia goes round to every single one of us and customarily kisses both of our cheeks. This is followed by everyone. But when Vic gets to me she pauses.
"Do you know how to get home from here? If not I am happy to walk you back!"
"No I don't that would be really helpful"
"Well, I am more than happy to help" Vic leans forward and kisses my cheek although not in a customary way just once on my left cheek which I am never going to wash.
"You are staying with Costa right?"
"Yeah!"
"Easy, she lives two houses away from me"
"Wait so we are like neighbours?"
"Yeah! When we get back do you want to see if you can come over after dinner and watch a movie with me?"
"I would love that so much!"
Victoria's hand finds its way into mine and the whole way home is a blur. Victoria pointing out landmarks and cool buildings. Showing me where people she knows live. Soon enough we have halted outside the door to the house I am staying at. Victoria's hands are now on my shoulders.
"Ok, so the plan is you go in and ask if you can watch a movie with me tonight. If you can I can come and get you! Just message me if you can! Wait I don't think you have my number."
I pass her my phone and she puts it in - before kissing my cheeks and disappearing into the wind.
My heart hums drumming so fast the rhythm is indistinguishable. My cheeks flush and I gallop up the stairs to our apartment and ring the bell.
"My goodness, you look a bit red are you ok? Is everything alright?"
PART SIX
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Cc: you have come inside and asked Betta if you can go to Vic's tonight
01/10/2018
You are never going to guess what happened - VIC ASKED ME OVER. Tonight!!!! To watch a movie - I don't think you understand I am literally dying. No, not figuratively literally. Everyone said before I left that they want pictures of my "Italian Boy". But I think I have an "Italian Girl". I know I know chances are she isn't interested, it being Italy and all. But let me just fantasise for one minute, please! What if she kisses me under the fireworks on New Years or she invites me on her family's Christmas holiday. Or she takes me to the Christmas markets. Or whatever we sit next to the fountain eating roasted chestnuts. What if she holds me tight or chooses me first in PE. What if she moves home with me. Ok, maybe my imagination is going a bit too far now. But hey point is what if this is something. Whatever it is I would melt just to be friends with her.
"Y/n dinner is ready!". I join my host family for dinner but by join I mean I sit next to them. Mentally I am elsewhere dreaming up cheesy escapades and running through fields. Costa nudges me.
"Oi, you seem a bit off with the fairies tonight what's caught your tongue? You're usually talking 10000km/minute."
I nudge her back
"Nothing just thinking about what my mum said on the phone today."
"What did she say"
"Oh um nothing much just to say hi to everyone for her"
After dinner, Costa follows me back to my room.
"That's not really what you were thinking about is it. You like Vic don't you. I could see you were gay from a mile away"
"That isn't true at all" I scream as I run out of the house.
I halt and stand at the front door texting Vic that I am ready.
PART SEVEN
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Cc: waiting at my door for Vic to arrive
3,9,14 minutes pass and there is no sight of Vic. None at all - zip, zero, zilch. Then I hear it a door clicks and I hear the drawl of a skateboard coming down the path. My heart is pounding my pupils dilate and past me walks a Nonna with a granny trolley. She isn't coming. I mean why would she come? Why would she want to catch up with an idiot like me? I am so deep inside my head that I don't hear Vic's skateboard - or her panting. She grabs my shoulders and my head jolts up bonking her on the chin. She bursts into laughter.
"Come on y/n let's go to mine!"
And just like that, I am on my way to her house.
Inside it becomes very apparent why she took so long. Her couch area has been made into a fort she grabs me a hot chocolate. And we sit and watch. We nuzzle up together to keep warm. Perhaps the Italian winter isn't going to be too awful after all.
Her hand reaches for mine. We sit fingers intertwined. Slowly my head bends down to her shoulder. Then it falls into her lap. Her hands stroke my hair. I lay watching her eyes flutter hearing her heart race. Maybe she does feel the same way about me after all.
At 10 pm I have to break the news that is best that I head home. My host mum would kill me otherwise it is a school night too. I wish I could stay there with her. This time when we say goodbye I initiate the customary cheek kisses. But she adds an uncustomary forehead kiss. I giggle and run outside the whole way home I am warm. Head to toe even though I forgot my jacket at her house.
PART EIGHT
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My class had Latin again today - meaning I get to go to Vic's class.
There is a knock at my door and it is Vic. Grinning she tells my teacher she is here to collect me for Latin. What my teacher doesn't hear is that when we get into the hallway Vic shoves me and says "I guess since you left your jacket at mine you are forced to come over again tonight."
In her class, she is all I can think about. My homesickness floats to the back of my mind and no longer seems worth worrying about. Front and centre is trying to work out if Vic likes me.
After school, she takes me back to hers for lunch. Her mum has cooked us some pasta. I eat my way through two bowls...what I was hungry. But then IT happens.
We are sitting on her bed listening to music She asks what I like - and I answer honestly.
"There is this song by an Italian band that doesn't have a very Italian name kind of like a ballad with mention of someone called Marlena." Vic's mouth has dropped open.
"Do you know the band?"
"It is Måneskin and the song you are thinking of is torna a casa." Vic puts it on and we dance. Hands around my waist my arms on her shoulders. We kiss. First soft - so soft you might mistake it as passing wind. But soon passionate. Never have I felt so right in a situation.
Having to cut the evening short is hard. But something she whispered to me on the way out changes everything.
"Do you know who the members of Måneskin are?"
PART NINE
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Måneskin that is the band's name! I have been listening to torna a casa on repeat. But who are the band members? The way Vic said it had me racing. One has to be someone I would be shocked by. Perhaps a teacher. Or even someone in my host family's extended family.
It didn't take long for my interest to take over. I googled.
Damiano David
Thomas Raggi
Ethan Torchio
VICTORIA DE ANGELIS
VIC IS A MEMBER OF MÅNESKIN! My heart is racing so fast. I like someone in my favourite band...and...and she likes me back? My mind is racing so fast I ask my host Mum if I can leave for a walk. I run through the streets of Rome. Giddy. The biggest grin ever on my face. Occasionally swapped for a face of shock. After what felt like hours I had calmed down and returned to my room.
Hey Vic! I gave in and googled the band members of Måneskin and I must say I was shocked. But wouldn't put it past you to have such a secret talent. I just wanted to say that I don't want things to change between us because of this. If you ever need to chat to someone about the craziness it must be to be in your position I am always here. I just wanted to say thank you for making me feel so welcome in both your class and home. I'd love to catch up again soon ❤️❤️ y/n
Send...just send it, come on you can do it!
Delivered.
At this point, all I can do is turn my phone off and wait. Was that too assertive? Should I have said something in person instead? I just don't want anything to change. And I refuse to let it affect me. I like her for her not her achievements. I am proud of her.
PART TEN
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Haha, yep that is me. Thank you for responding so well - if you want you can come to our practice tomorrow night the guys are all really lovely and I reckon you'd get along well with them! Also wanna walk to school together xx Vic
Of course, I can meet you outside my house at half-past seven?
Easy see you then xx sleep well
Vic sent me kisses. VIC sent me kisses. VIC sent ME kisses. I literally can not believe this I just want to pull her into an alleyway and kiss her I want to lie with her and cuddle. I want us to be one, not two. I want us to be a whole.
"Vic! How was your sleep last night?"
"I slept well, how was yours?"
"It was a bit cold but other than that - I slept pretty well"
Vic takes a jumper out of her bag and hands it to me.
"Guess you better where this tonight then."
A jumper. It smells just like her. It smells like home. Not my home but a home. It makes me feel warm, tingly and safe.
I feel the heat rise through me as my ears go red. Vic and I keep looking at each other and looking away and looking back. As we walk past an alleyway I am about to pull her in but I freeze up. I guess this one is going to take a while to work up.
"Hey, do you mind if we go down this alleyway just want to have a quick smoke?"
"Yeah, of course!"
"Do you want one y/n?"
"No, I am good for now - thank you though."
We stand there as she smokes. We both are cold. I can feel us getting closer together. Soon we are huddling together like penguins. Head now resting on her shoulder as we sit against the wall. Man, I want to reach up and kiss her cheek.