Work Text:
Calle’s bathing sketch was simply so uncomfortable it made you laugh. In fact, you could even say it was brilliant for the exact reason. When they had come up with it, Calle didn’t feel so sure, but after getting over the initial embarrassment – not that he had a lot of it – it was so much fun to film and watch later. After doing all kinds of body gags with Raske Menn, it was actually no trouble for him to throw his clothes away and take a bath naked in the most bizarre places.
One of the most memorable places was definitely Bergen’s aquarium, he would say now. Sometimes he even joked and told everyone it was simply dangerous and even demanded to have a stunt double in the future.
-o-
The room he was given to leave his clothes and other stuff in was fairly warm so at least he didn’t have to freeze his ass off before getting into the penguins area. Whose idea had it been again? Oh, his own. Calle shook his head in desperation. It was probably the sketch that had most real life viewers. It didn’t make him uncomfortable, though, more like worried. He didn’t only want the result to be hilarious, he wanted people do laugh during the filming as well, be it as awkward as it would be.
Some music and announcement from the speakers system got his attention. Of course. Of course they would announce it all over the general zoo area. Calle took a deep breath, set the towel around his middle and exited the so called safe zone. Stoic expression on his face, he headed towards the penguins yard and opened the gate, already feeling the familiar buzz of excitement that always filled him when performing.
He even hummed a little, trying to get his feet clean, but making them even dirtier in the process. What was decent for penguins, wasn’t definitely so for him. He usually came back from the filming looking ten times worse than before.
Everything went pretty smoothly, until he had to move deeper into the pond. He felt faint pain near his heel, but didn’t bother to stop and check what was wrong. Only after he was back in the secured room, he sat down and inspected his left calf. It had a dark black-and-blue bruise, but there was no blood anywhere, only a little pinkish spot, so he left it be and got dressed, dreaming of a nice warm shower he would take at home. Maybe even a bath.
-o-
“Aw, shit,” Calle muttered, getting out of bed next morning. He felt the painful spot on his foot and bit his lip. It hurt more than last night, though it didn’t look a lot worse. Trying not to touch his calf against anything, he limped to the kitchen and started the coffee.
He still had some time before going to film another sketches with Vegard and Bård, but of course he failed in logical thinking and wore a pair of jeans that held against his skin around his calves. He hadn’t even noticed it while driving to the office they were supposed to meet at and go over some stuff, but taking the stairs up to the third floor was a complete torture.
“Why do you look like that?” Bård wanted to know, when he saw his friend resting at the end of the stairwell.
“Oh, God, Bård. You have no idea. This Calle’s bathing was an awful idea,” the older man said, shaking his head in exasperation. “At least the one I filmed yesterday.” He cringed and ran his hand soothingly over the sore spot, limping towards his office.
Younger Ylvisåker brother followed him, eyebrow raised. “Care the elaborate? I mean, the one with horses seemed pretty extreme… what happened, someone threw a penguin at you?” he chuckled and held the door open to the other.
“If only…” Calle sighed and straightened his back. “Do we have to run around a lot today?”
Bård nodded and let the door close behind him. “Come on, what happened then?” he demanded to know, eyes sparkling as if it was the newest gossip he was about to hear and he was the biggest gossip girl. Which he probably was.
“You mustn’t laugh… oh, whatever. This one asshole of a penguin bit me,” Calle finally burst out and let himself fall into his chair, holding his foot in the air to not cause any unnecessary impact.
“It what?” Bård asked, eyes glowing manically as he pressed his hand on his mouth to silence the laugh that was trying to find its way out. “Is this real? Don’t they feed them there? Or did you perhaps remind them of food?”
“Bård, it’s not funny!” Calle exclaimed, whiny voice a bit too loud.
“I know. I’m sorry. Sorry.”
Calle sighed and tried to think of a way to make this day through. At the moment he was contemplating if asking to switch his jeans with Bård’s would sound too awkward, since the other man wore a bit more loose ones.
“Do you want to see? It even looks painful,” he suddenly asked instead, being strangely kind of proud to probably be the first person in the world to not work at a zoo but get bit by one of the penguins. At least he hadn’t heard of the similar cases in Bergen’s aquarium.
“Sure.” Bård was laughing again, not even trying to hide the fact this time around. Calle looked like a proud kid and reminded him of young Vegard; he had been so proud and boosting with confidence after crashing his bike and having to get stitches when he was seven. Scars and bruises prove you are a man, he had said then. The only difference with the current situation was that Calle was thirty seven and not just seven.
“Uh, okay.” Calle struggled to get up again, but shot a warning glance towards Bård just as he thought of helping. Holding on to the desk, he finally got onto his feet and walked around the table. The younger man was at that point pretty sure that the other was overreacting, but that made the whole thing even more hilarious, so he didn’t say anything about this.
“Don’t faint,” Calle warned and tried to roll his jeans up, but had to take a deep breath when the cloth pressed against the bite area. “I think…” he started and sighed, already regretting his offer, “hold on.”
Bård watched as Calle got rid of his belt and opened the button on his pants along with the zipper, lowering his jeans around his ankles, proudly presenting the bruised spot that had turned somewhat purple overnight.
“Oh, that looks like it could hurt,” Bård said, suddenly more serious. “Do you think it will just go away?”
“I hope so,” Calle answered and sighed, running his hands through his hair as Bård was crouching in front of him to get a better look.
It was then that Calle’s office door opened, revealing slightly flustered Vegard standing there. The older man looked at him, his brother too focused on the sight in front of his eyes.
“Guys, the fuck are you doing?” Vegard demanded, staring from one to the other.
As Calle looked around, he saw people staring in from the glass walls that surrounded the office. It must have looked pretty weird from the outside, considering people were stopping in the corridor, staring at their direction with bewilderment.
“It’s not every time you come to work and someone runs to you, saying your brother is going to give your best friend a blo-…” Vegard started, as Bård got up and covered his mouth with his hand.
“Please, don’t dare to say it. Hell, Vegard, I don’t want this image in my head,” he said hurriedly, feeling the other chuckle against the palm of his hand. “Oh, God, it’s too late.”
Even Calle managed to look properly embarrassed as he pulled his pants back up and fixed his shirt. “Sorry,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I just told Bård how this one idiot penguin bit me… do you want to see as well? No blowjobs, I promise.”
“Fuck, no. Get to work.”