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Valkyrie had never been particularly interested in getting absolutely wasted. She prefers staying in control and she’s been hit hard to see double enough to know it isn’t a pleasant experience. A few sips of pink gin at nineteen out of pure curiosity had done nothing but make her grimace and Tanith howl when she had visited and stayed over at Gordon’s. It had burned going down and it had tasted something rancid and Valkyrie swore to never drink pink gin again.
‘It doesn’t suit you anyway.’ Skulduggery had laughed when she’d told him the day after, climbing into the Bentley.
‘What does suit me then?’ Because really, he’d probably been around since before some drinks were invented and even though he couldn’t drink, per se, Valkyrie had a feeling he knew alcohol just as well as he knew finely tailored suits thanks to Ghastly.
‘Water.’
‘Skulduggery.'
He’d hummed as he’d considered her before laughing again and placing his hat gently on her head, angling it just so. If his fingers skim her cheek and her neck cranes towards a ghost of a touch, so what?
‘Whiskey.’
‘Really?’
Skulduggery only nodded and didn’t elaborate any further.
Valkyrie is twenty-one in precisely twelve hours and Tanith is determined to get her drunk.
‘Come on, it’s tradition!’ Gordon’s house (always Gordon’s house, never hers, even if she did practically live there now) welcomes them in as they walk through, Tanith throwing herself down on the couch with a great, world-suffering sigh to aid her argument.
Valkyrie was not enthused with the idea as she takes her coat off.
‘What if something comes up?’
‘Skulduggery can handle it alone.’ Tanith waved her attempt off without missing a beat and Valkyrie frowned.
‘I don’t want him to handle it alone.’ Tanith only rolled her eyes.
‘You can take one sick day by now Val, I’m pretty sure you’re owed a few.’ She leaned forward and if there was anymore mischief in her eyes, Valkyrie thought the Chesire Cat might think twice and walk away. ‘Come on, it’ll be fun.’
‘I don’t even know what I’d like to drink.’ This is a weak excuse; Valkyrie knows it and Tanith knows it as she wags her finger at her with a grin.
‘Then we drink it all until you do!'
Valkyrie groaned as she sat down next to Tanith and just knew there was no getting out of this one.
Valkyrie is turning twenty-one in four hours, and she is standing outside a pub with Tanith, certain she can already taste tomorrow’s hangover.
Tanith, for her part, was thoroughly making up for Valkyrie’s reluctance, rubbing her hands as they walked in and sat at the closest booth to the bar.
‘Clubs are overrated,’ she told Valkyrie as she cheerfully ordered two beers and slid into her seat. ‘But you’re gonna get the complete experience tonight.’
Valkyrie took a tentative sip after knocking glasses with Tanith and it…wasn’t too bad actually. So cold she couldn’t taste anything which, judging by the colour, was a bonus. It slunk down, settled heavy in her belly and she thinks this won’t be the drink to keep her going through the night.
It’s not bad though.
‘Define the complete experience.’ Tanith’s grin was wicked.
‘So many shots thrown at you, you’ll think the bartender is a Marine and dancing is a good idea.’
Valkyrie laughed and stiff shoulders began to relax.
‘No more beer,’ Valkyrie declared, downing her third pint in one hit to a delighted Tanith’s applause. ‘I can taste the creepy old racist white man in it.’
Tanith nodded sagely, her gaze a little unfocused as she slid out to head for the bar.
‘Wine.’ Tanith answered, slapping a full bottle and two glasses down on the table like an answer to all of life’s problems.
‘Uh oh.’ Valkyrie’s on the edge of tipsy but she knows trouble when she sees it.
‘Don’t uh oh me, you haven’t even tried it!’ Tanith’s measures were…intimidatingly generous.
‘I’ve seen mum try it.’ She brings the glass to her lips, sips, winces at the tartness as it goes down. ‘I’ve seen mum the morning after too.’ Another sip and it doesn’t go down any easier but that weirdly acidic burn in her throat is good in a way that Valkyrie hadn’t expected to like.
Two glasses and Valkyrie is firmly into tipsy territory.
‘Tanith?’ The th of her name is slurred as Valkyrie watches the woman pour the last of the bottle out between them, swaying slightly in her seat and stomach cramping slightly from laughing. She feels relaxed and warm and maybe this is why such a closely guarded secret is about to slip from her lips with such ease.
‘Valkyrie?’ the ie of her own name drawn out with a grin from Tanith as she pushed the glass back towards the birthday girl.
‘If I tell you something really, really stupid, promise not to laugh?’ God she sounded like she was twelve again. Tanith just raised an eyebrow.
‘Do you have to ask?’
‘I-well-the thing is-‘ A hand clapped on her shoulder and Tanith stares Valkyrie dead in the eye as she leans in. It’s slightly intimidating and Valkyrie feels a flash of sympathy for Alice if she ever tries to confess something similar to her big sister.
‘However bad it is, we’re gonna get so goddamn drunk neither of us will remember this conversation.’ That hand squeezed. ‘Was it murder?’ Valkyrie shakes her head and words, once so free flowing are stuck in her throat like sticky honey. Tanith pouts, then perks up. ‘A barfight? Or was it-‘
‘IthinkIfancySkulduggery.’
It comes out in one big rush and suddenly Valkyrie finds her cheeks flaming red and goes about emptying that last glass with gusto. Tanith only stared at her, blinking. It would’ve been funny, if Valkyrie wasn’t currently wishing for Billy-Ray to appear and swallow her into the earth and leave her there, what was she thinking, she-
‘Finally!’
‘…Finally?’
Another few blinks refocuses an unsteady gaze and Tanith’s eyes are warm and sympathetic and-and-
‘Are you…laughing?’
‘No.’ Tanith sounds like she’s choking and her shoulders are shaking. ‘Yes.’
Valkyrie leans back, crosses her arms and does her best to look intimidating as Tanith howls. This is a difficult feat for one to achieve, when one is looking somewhere over the intended targets shoulder and is swaying and sliding in one’s seat.
‘Explain.’ She demands when Tanith’s howls go quiet, only she slurs the word and that was a really annoying side effect. Tanith went to take a drink and frowned at the empty glass.
‘Priorities first. More wine?’
Yes, her silly, stupid drunken monkey brain said.
‘No.’ She wants to sound annoyed, she really does, but it just isn’t happening when Tanith’s grinning so freely and her stomach is warm and coiling and she feels so languid and relaxed. Valkyrie thinks of the burn she had liked going down and is talking before she can quite register what a terrible idea it is, a ghost of a memory from years ago giving her the idea.
‘Whiskey?’
Tanith’s eyes shoot up and that grin turns wicked again.
‘Detective Cain, you are a wonderful influence.’
And when she returns with two glasses of mellow-honey liquid, Valkyrie thinks, stupidly, that it looks like Skulduggery’s voice sounds. It licks at the lips of the glass as the girls clink glasses.
‘What are we toasting?’
‘…the fifty quid Ghastly now owes me?’
Ah. That does explain Tanith’s delight. Valkyrie sighed and raised her glass to her lips.
‘To the fifty quid Ghastly owes you,’ she grumbles and promptly chokes because god, that burned. There’s peat and smoke and a weird chemical taste in front of all that which Valkyrie suspects more expensive whiskeys don’t have and-
She thinks this might be what kissing Skulduggery would be like – heat, burning her mouth and leaving a trail of warmth dripping down her spine. Valkyrie chokes again and Tanith claps her on the back a few times which absolutely does not help.
‘That’s rough,’ she croaks out hoarsely and Tanith nods in agreement, grimacing as she takes a sip herself.
‘Not the best. Knocking it back in one like an absolute barbarian doesn’t help either mind you.’ Tanith leans forward on the sticky table and her face turns serious. It’d be impressive if she wasn’t swaying like she was in genuine danger of becoming very well acquainted with the floor. ‘So. Skulduggery. How long?’
Valkyrie shrugged and stared into her glass, the liquid inside hypnotically swirling a little as she tilted it this way and that. If she were a lesser woman, Tanith would be filing away the slow dopey half-smile that slid onto Valkyrie’s face as she thought.
And she absolutely was a lesser woman at this moment.
‘I don’t know. It just…crept up.’ A pause and Tanith eggs her on with a bobbing nod. ‘I can walk into a room and don’t even have to ask him to follow. I can punch someone and he’s following it up with a kick without asking why. And god, don’t tell the idiot this but he’s actually funny and sweeter than he lets on – did you know the asshole spent a week figuring out my Starbucks order instead of working a case?’ A thought occurs and Valkyrie looks up, frown forming and smile sliding off. ‘Hang on. What was the bet with Ghastly?’
‘Whether you’d realise that you like him like him before you’re fifty or not. Ghastly figured you were both too oblivious for anything to happen quickly.’ Tanith saluted her with a quickly dwindling glass and Valkyrie thinks that this woman could drink a Faceless One under the table. ‘I disagreed, respectfully.’
‘Any other bets I should know about?’
‘Dexter owes me another thirty quid if you kiss before you hit thirty.’ Valkyrie groaned and her head hit the table with a rather audible thump. Tanith was relentless. ‘China owes me the same if he kisses you before you’re thirty.’ Even drunk as she was, the pride in Tanith’s voice was tangible. ‘They all seem to forget that you’ve fought gods and lived out of sheer spite.’
‘China?!’ Valkyrie raises her head in disbelief as Tanith nods. ‘Bloody hell, how obvious am I?’
‘You’re just as bad as each other.’ Tanith tries to reassure her. Valkyrie for her part groans again and considers if paying Billy-Ray to assassinate her was a valid way to go. ‘He’s equally oblivious if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘I appreciate the attempt at damage control Tanith but literally everybody else knows.’
Another groan leaves her and Valkyrie wonders if Fletcher could still open a portal to the Faceless One’s dimension. Tanith rubs her back and says perhaps the most important sentence of her life.
‘This calls for shots.’
Valkyrie Cain turned twenty-one an hour ago and celebrated it by doubling over with stomach cramps and laughter as Tanith falls over (for the fifth time) into a bouncer twice her size (she could still kick his ass) who looks down at her with a bemused sort of laugh.
‘You know,’ he says, helping her up as Valkyrie kept on howling, barely avoiding falling over herself. ‘We generally get told not to let anyone too drunk in around this time.'
Tanith thanked him for helping her up, brushed her knees off as if it would help her reclaim her dignity and pointed at Valkyrie.
‘Twenty-one. Lovesick. First night out.’
‘Oi! I am not lovesick!’ Valkyrie exclaims as the bouncer nods sympathetically. He walks them to the door and pokes his head in as they enter.
‘Bars around the corner.’ He catches Valkyrie as she stumbles into him, nearly falling herself. ‘Stay away from anything the blonde makes and if anyone asks, you’ve been here for hours.’
The salute the girls give him is more of a stumble, leaning against one another before heading straight for the blonde at the bar and you truly couldn’t blame someone for scoffing if you’d told them these two uncoordinated messes had saved the world a few times.
‘It’s the voice, isn’t it?’ It takes a second for Valkyrie’s brain to catch up with Tanith’s mouth; she was sure they’d just been laughing over Ghastly’s dire attempts at steak for Tanith half a second again.
Being the avatar of wit and creativity that she is, Valkyrie responds quite suitably.
‘Uhhhhhhhh-Come again?’
‘The voice,’ Tanith says as if she answers everything. ‘That’s what started all of-‘ She waves her hands around wildly, nearly taking out the person squashed in behind her.
‘Oh.’ Valkyrie hums as she thinks. It is admittedly a nice voice, smooth and rich and-
‘-Because honestly, when he does that swearing thing under his breath…‘ Tanith fans herself dramatically and Valkyrie sees this and her face makes some kind of smiling notion but all Valkyrie really sees is rolled up sleeves, a loose tie and a voice like the incoming tide groaning, growling her na-
‘Oh, Christ.’ Two shots go down in rapid succession, sickly sweet as her face burns like the sun and Valkyrie really is starting to miss the whiskey. ‘You’re right. You’re absolutely right.’
Tanith uses one hand to pat her hand in a ‘there-there’ kind of way and another to push two more shots towards her. The pair grimace as it goes down with a wince.
‘So, with that absolutely disgusting beverage to put our own mortality in perspective-‘
‘I’m impressed you can still use those big words.’
‘Fuck you. Anyway, we need a plan.’
‘A plan?’ Tanith nodded with all the wisdom a drunken sword-lady could muster.
‘To jump those bones of course.’ Tanith took a moment to cackle at her own joke.
Valkyrie blanched. ‘No. Absolutely not. This absolutely does not go both ways.’ She was dimly aware of Tanith ordering two more shots as her very treacherous mind drifted to thoughts of kissing and coarse murmurs against the skin of her neck and- ‘He doesn’t even feel the same and I am not ruining one of the very few stable relationships I have.’
‘Seriously? Seriously?’
‘Don’t you seriously me Tanith, I’d be-‘
‘-a rubbish detective to not notice that he absolutely does feel the same.’
Valkyrie crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. ‘I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Enlighten me.’
‘You remember the ball the Sanctuary threw the other month?’ Valkyrie remembered China pulling her into a slow dance as she congratulated her on not punching anyone for the last five minutes. It had been an extreme effort to keep up with her, to say the least.
‘Vaguely.’
‘I’m fairly certain that Skulduggery was the only man in that room not drooling over China.’ Valkyrie waved her hand dismissively.
‘He usually is. Proves nothing.’
‘No, but him forgetting his façade has eyes to give him away and checking you out all night is. I was sat right next to him, and please, please tell me that his eyes looking at places that are decidedly not your face proves nothing.’
‘You’re full of shit.’ Tanith laughed at this.
‘That man is not subtle. If he’s not looking at you – and those pants from Ghastly are fantastically tight, I can’t blame him – he’s talking about you. Oh, did you know Valkyrie did this? Valkyrie can do that too but better. If I don’t kick your ass, she will.’ Tanith waves a hand. ‘You get the idea. Man dotes on you.’
Valkyrie does her best to push down that warm glow growing in her stomach.
‘It is ridiculous how into you he is. You wouldn’t ruin anything.’ Two glasses are placed between them and filled with a very suspicious looking liquid. ‘I know you run on just…subconscious trust around each other but pay some more attention. You might be surprised.’
‘Is this step one of your grand masterplan to get me and Skulduggery together?’
‘Every great battle won begins with observation of the enemy. Reconnaissance if you like.’
‘And what does Sun Tzu have in store for step two?’
‘Attack the enemy of course. Just with less-‘ Tanith threw a few mock punches, swaying into the bar as her weight shifted left and right. ‘And a little more-‘ She makes a kissing face and Valkyrie punches her in the arm, laughing.
‘It’s a sign of how absolutely wrecked I am right now that I’m inclined to listen to you.’
‘Excellent.’ Two shot glasses are picked up and knocked together. ‘To the best-laid plans!'
Valkyrie Cain has been twenty-one for all of three hours and is absolutely, utterly, completely wasted for the first time in her life. The fresh air outside the club hits them like a truck and they’re braced against a brick-wall somewhere, cars flying by and Valkyrie is absolutely craving ice cream.
‘We’re not gonna be able to walk home are we?’
‘Oh god no, I’d be disappointed if we still could Val. This is what men are for.’ Tanith fished her phone out her pocket, fumbled it and Valkyrie’s hand splays on instinct, the phone hovering just above the floor before it could smash. ‘Bloody show-off.’ Car lights pass by, and Valkyrie jerks her hand back, the phone clattering safely to the floor as Tanith grabs thin air and stumbles onto the other wall to Valkyrie’s great delight.
Tanith straightened up with her phone in hand and the look on her face, like she’d had the most brilliant idea in the world, made Valkyrie stop laughing and audibly let out a ‘Uh-oh.’
‘I haven’t even told you what I’m thinking yet.’
‘You’re smiling like Dusk watching bunnies get brutally murdered. You don’t need to tell me.’
Tanith rolled her eyes before squinting at the phone. ‘I uh- I’m struggling to see Ghastly’s number here.’
‘Tanith.’
‘So maybe, instead, you can phone the skeleton booty call and start stage one of our plan.‘
‘Tanith, no.’
‘Tanith, yes.’ And her hand is inside Valkyrie’s coat, fetching her phone out and calling Skulduggery before her brain has quite caught up with her eyes. Tanith hands the phone to a grumbling Valkyrie with a smile.
‘Oh, and put him on speaker, there’s a good girl.’
‘I hate you.’ Tanith blew her a kiss, leaning over to make sure the phone was indeed on speaker. Skulduggery answered within two rings.
‘Yes dear?’ Tanith started to swoon, falling back into the wall as a flushing Valkyrie swatted her and if she committed a murder tonight, who could blame her? (Tanith wasn’t wrong; drunk or sober, that voice was absolutely filthy and she’d take it to the grave that she had shivered when he picked up.)
‘I’m-we’re extremely drunk.’ She is, rather inconveniently, very aware of her words slurring now she’s talking to someone stone-cold sober. ‘Give us a lift home?’ A glare. ‘I wouldn’t mind if you left Tanith to crawl home but you should probably let Ghastly know too.’
‘Ahh, you’ve been put through a Tanith celebration.’ She could practically see him nodding his head, pacing up and down as he talked and damnit, it made her smile. His voice had a wonderfully coarse undertone to it over the phone and holy hell she was distracted. ‘Let me know where you are, we won’t be long.’
She told him where to find them. ‘You should probably wear your façade, it’s busy round here.’
‘Let’s hope it’s a good one then.’
‘They all are.’ Valkyrie muttered lowly, thinking of high cheekbones and sharp jawlines then flushed when she realised what she’d said.
‘What was that?’
‘Nothing.’ Tanith booed rather loudly in the background as she hurriedly covered her steps. ‘Drive safe.’
Skulduggery hummed. ‘Don’t get into any fist fights without me.’
‘No promises.’ His laugh is rich and makes her stomach flip before he hangs up and oh god, she is screwed. She relays this back to Tanith.
‘He called you dear,’ she stated this like it solved everything. ‘What are you even worried about?’
‘He always calls me that?’ Valkyrie’s tone is genuinely confused and Tanith looks to the heavens.
‘Please,’ she begs the clouds with the air of a woman that is very, very tired. ‘Please let this insanely oblivious girl get a hint before I have to beat it into her.’
The Bentley comes to a stop in front of the girls not long after and they stagger over to it.
‘Sometimes,’ Skulduggery says, opening the door and catching Valkyrie in a half-hug before her mouth becomes rather intimate with the roof of his car. ‘I find myself truly inspired by humanity. The will to create, to struggle, to love. The works of Tennyson, the art of Van Gogh.’ He takes a glance at Tanith, her phone pressed against her nose as she sways and nearly takes out a group of men walking behind her. ‘This is decidedly not one of those times.’
‘You’re just jealous you missed out on all our fun.’ Valkyrie grumbles, although she doesn’t complain about the arm around her waist guiding her to the passenger side. She definitely isn’t complaining about his façade; salt and pepper hair, his familiar cheekbones and jawline, rough stubble. Someone, she decides, is either being extremely cruel or extremely generous tonight. ‘It was a very-uh-Tanith?’
‘Sophisticated?’
‘Sophisticated night!’ Skulduggery looks between the two of them; Tanith looking like she’s about to throw up, Valkyrie giggling away as she falls getting into the car, slanting over towards the driver side seat to save herself.
‘Please don’t throw up on my car.’ A pause. ‘Is this what high society looks like now?’
‘Oh yes.’ Tanith nods solemnly. ‘Champagne is out and bubble-gum shots are in.’
‘Don’t forget the kamikaze shots.’
‘Oh, I wish I could.’ Tanith’s eyes glaze over as Skulduggery helps Valkyrie up and gets in the car himself. ‘I wish I could.’
‘I remember when that was a battle cry, not a drink.’ Behind them, a white van pulls up. ‘Tanith, I believe this is for you.’
‘Ah. Good luck Val. Stick to the plan. Banzai!’ And she’s off, stumbling over to her boyfriend’s van with all the coordination of a newly born puppy. In the wing mirror, Valkyrie can see Ghastly’s bemused face as he catches her and helps her into the vehicle. Skulduggery looks at her and he really isn’t used to having eyes for everyone else to see if his unguarded gentle look is anything to go by. Those eyes are frosty ice and just as piercing. Valkyrie swallowed thickly and wishes she was as drunk as she felt about ten seconds ago.
‘Any plans of world domination I should be informed of?’
‘Isn’t that how we usually stop the bad guys? They tell us their brilliant plans before they do anything and we punch them?’
‘Generally speaking, I believe so.'
‘Then no, absolutely no plans you need to know about Detective Pleasant.’ A pause. ‘For now.’
‘Of course, Detective Cain.’ He waves to Ghastly and pulls out, Dublin turning into a blur as the Bentley cruises through the streets. ‘You might want to check the glovebox.’ Valkyrie peers at him but his façade gives nothing away. She fumbles the latch a few times before it opens.
‘Oh my god.’ A tub of ice cream falls into her lap (Mint chocolate chip if you’re interested – her favourite).
‘I know.’
‘Oh my god.’
‘Sometimes my genius astounds even myself.’ He sounds very pleased with himself.
‘Skulduggery, where’s the spoon?’
‘It’s okay you can admi-the spoon?’
‘The spoon. The vessel to take the ice cream from tub to mouth. The eating utensil.’ He blinks a little bit, takes the tub as the Bentley rolls to a stop at the lights, tilting it this way and that.
‘Ah.’ He hands Valkyrie the tub back, hand rubbing his jaw a little sheepishly as her shoulders start to shake. ‘Bugger.’ The car sets off again and Valkyrie can’t help it: she bursts out laughing at his huff of dismay, hugging the tub of ice cream as she cackles. ‘In my defence, I was in a rush.’
It occurs to Valkyrie as the town centre full of pubs and nightclubs turns into corner-shops and houses that this sweet, absurd idiot had gone out of his way to stop at the shop and grab her favourite kind of ice-cream before picking her drunken self up and the laughter trails off into a soft smile.
‘Thank you,’ and her hand squeezes his over the gearstick, soft and genuine. ‘I look forward to…uh…drinking it?’
‘Not in the Bentley,’ he grumbles. ‘It’s murder getting it out the seats.’
‘Pull over then, I’m not sleeping until this tub is an empty corpse, even if I do have to drink it like a shake.’
‘How wonderfully descriptive.’ He’s immediately turning to find somewhere to park, despite the rather obvious answer of you have spoons at home. Tanith’s voice rather rudely pops up in the back of her head.
Pay some more attention. You might be surprised.
So, she does. Valkyrie rolls the window down for the air to hit her and sober her up a little as Skulduggery drives and she turns her head just so she can see him without being patently obvious. He was focused squarely on the road, face forward as he drove. But then, his eyes flicked, not over to her but up and quickly back down and Valkyrie’s eyes drift over to the rear-view mirror, angled just right to catch his face from her seat.
Which meant it was angled just right for him to catch her face if he happened to look over.
Interesting.
Valkyrie kept her eyes fixed at a point just beneath the rear-view, like she was watching the road with him and waited. When those blue eyes flicked over again, she flicked her eyes up to meet them. Eyes widen just barely in surprise, but he doesn’t move them back down to the road (and thank god it was a straight). She holds his gaze, slowly licks her lips and he clears his throat before glancing away, turning his head like he didn’t want to tear his eyes away.
She’s patient enough to wait for the eyes to flicker back again after he turns the corner and alcohol makes her brave enough to drag her teeth over her bottom lip, just grazing and he doesn’t look away but tilts his head in an oh-so-familiar way. Valkyrie’s always read it as a smile of sorts when he does this without a façade but heat that makes those cold eyes burn adds some…context.
Interesting.
A car horn blares through the gentle jazz on the radio and Valkyrie hisses as she’s slammed against the door whilst Skulduggery swerves around a car, cursing wonderfully.
‘That…might be the first time I’ve ever seen you nearly crash by accident.’
‘I was…distracted.’ His voice was subdued and wasn’t that just something? Valkyrie doesn’t quite think she’s heard his voice like this before, all quiet and bashful as he fixes his eyes very solidly on the road ahead, starting to turn into a car park.
‘Anything in particular?’ Skulduggery doesn’t answer but gloved hands grip the wheel a little tighter as the Bentley rolls to a stop. Valkyrie wrenches the tub lid off and runs a finger around the edges, melted slightly. Pops it in her mouth and closes her eyes at the flavour, the coolness, that half liquid, half frozen consistency that made ice-cream just…the best.
Skulduggery hisses out a slow breath like something particularly painful has hit him in the gut. Valkyrie opens her eyes to look at him curiously.
‘…Everything okay?’ There’s a pause and his head drops in a motion akin to defeat. He grabs the ice cream, leans back to balance it on the back seat.
‘Murder to get out the seats.’ He mutters again, like some kind of justification to her confused face before flexing his hand. Air shifts and some ice cream breaks free from the tub, floating through the air and hovering in front of Valkyrie’s mouth. She arches an eyebrow.
‘…Show off.’ Lips part and the ice cream floats forward for her to eat, Skulduggery relaxing in the seat and turning the radio up. That level of control with the air…annoyingly impressive.
‘What? Like it’s hard?’ Valkyrie has to bite her lip to swallow a very inappropriate comment and the next bite of ice-cream bobs a little uncertainly in the air before she opens her mouth.
To the next blob of ice-cream, Valkyrie turns her own hand upside down against her leg and flexes it. She knows Skulduggery can feel the air she’s manipulating pressing against his own little bubble and he wordlessly guides her through the act of control as his own little bubble grows smaller and smaller within hers, allowing her to slowly grasp the feel for this little technique without any hurry or pressure. There’s an encouraging little smile on his face as her nose wrinkles in concentration that makes everything just cosy and it’s a few seconds before she registers his own hand is palm down against the wheel again, his own bubble of air gone.
‘Look at that,’ she says with a barely restrained grin. ‘No spoon, no problem.’
‘There’s a lecture in here about responsible use of magic when drunk-‘
He is interrupted by a blob of ice cream smearing against his cheek whilst Valkyrie giggles away.
‘But I’m not one to preach such silly ideas.’ His palm is upside down again after wiping the ice cream off his face and Valkyrie realises what he’s doing just a second too late as a bit smears against her own cheek. With the breeze blowing in it is freezing and Valkyrie exclaims as much in a combination of drunken delight and rage.
Another blob of ice cream is floating through the air and she considers this an act of war, her own bubble of air crashing down around Skulduggery’s and for a moment it comically shoots between them, nearly tapping Valkyrie’s nose before nearly spoiling Skulduggery’s tie as drunken enthusiasm comes to blows with expert control.
Control wins out and Valkyrie knows she hasn’t got this absurd technique mastered enough to stop the ice cream from splattering over her nose. She does however, know how much she adores this particular flavour and it would be an absolute waste to have it smashed against her skin instead of in her mouth. Her own bubble of air around the ice-cream fades away as she shifts up, opens her mouth and eats the bullet of delicious mint and chocolate with the same smugness as a cat catching a canary.
‘Admit it,’ she says with a shit-eating grin. ‘You’re impressed.’
Skulduggery only looks at her with a tilted head and his eyes are absolutely not looking at her own.
‘What?’
‘You’ve ah…got something just-‘ His voice is a murmur and a gloved hand cups her cheek, thumb swiping away some rogue ice cream at her bottom lip with a tenderness that makes her breath catch.
‘Oh.’ Her voice is breathless. ‘Thank you.’
His hand lingers, just for a second and absurdly, Valkyrie is reminded of Tanith’s drunken advice to attack the enemy. Maybe it’s a sign that she’s a little more drunk than she realised that Valkyrie’s still inclined to listen.
Skulduggery’s hand pulls away and Valkyrie catches it, pulls just a little so he’s leaning over the gearstick.
‘Please don’t let this ruin everything.’ She prays to whatever god or goddess might be around as her other hand winds around his tie.
‘Wha-‘ She gives the tie a pull, leans in to meet him and Valkyrie Cain is softly, gently, delicately kissing Skulduggery Pleasant like a calm tide kisses the beach. His lips are cool and soft, her movements are slow and languid and for a moment time is akin to elastic, stretching, stretching…
He isn’t kissing you back.
The elastic snaps back and hell, it stings as Valkyrie starts to pull away, words rushing out her mouth.
‘Oh shit, I’m sorry, I’m drunker than I thought, I don’t know what I was-‘
Blue eyes are blinking at her and a slow smile is growing and it is Skulduggery’s turn to cut her off as he quickly, gently grips a fistful of her Nirvana shirt and pulls her back in.
‘This is what was distracting me earlier.’ He whispers, a gloved thumb dragging over her lip as he spoke before pressing those cool lips back against hers and this, this is what a perfect jigsaw feels like upon completion, two pieces fitting together just right, slotting into spaces designed exclusively for one another. It’s one chaste kiss after another as he pulls away, breathes out a questioning ‘Is this alright?’ before Valkyrie answers yes, yes with lips slotting back against his in that unhurried, indulgent pace.
An eternity could pass and it still wouldn’t be enough she thinks, pressing just a little closer into him for more of this sweet, captivating embrace.
And then she shifts again, gearstick pressing into her stomach as her teeth accidentally graze over his bottom lip and Valkyrie can feel the growl at the back of his throat from the contact.
It’s incredible, how quickly one noise can shift honeyed innocence into something so full of heat and need. The noise shoots straight down her spine, pools in her stomach like lava settling at the base of a volcano and she’s positively growling right back as she moves with a surprising amount of coordination to straddle him in the driver’s seat as he tilts the seat back seamlessly to accompany the both of them. It’s a tight fit, pressed between the roof of the car and him but Valkyrie really couldn’t give a shit about being cramped as she slides her arms either side of his head.
She doesn’t have time to wonder when he’d slipped his gloves off when he ever so gently fists one of those hands in her hair to pull her back from kissing him again as she leans down. For a second, all one can hear is heavy breathing and Skulduggery is gazing at her with a heady mixture of affection and heat.
‘Take a picture,’ she bites with no teeth. ‘It’ll last longer.’ A lazy little smirk slides onto his façade at her words and heat coils in her stomach.
‘Don’t tempt me.’ The smirk disappears, replaced by the smallest of frowns and Valkyrie has the inane urge to press her lips against that crease to kiss it away. ‘You’re…rather drunk.’
‘I know. It’s quite delightful. You should ask China for a liver to go with that façade.’ He barks out a short laugh at Valkyrie’s waggling eyebrows as she settles against him, but that damned hand in her hair has just enough pressure to keep her from his lips. Her voice is a little quieter when she speaks again, a hand playing with his hat from behind his head. ‘I’m not just kissing you because I’m drunk idiot.’
‘Of course you’re not, I’m irresistible.’ And Skulduggery’s words are in his usual even tone, witty words flying out on a whim, but Valkyrie sees how his shoulders relax just a little from relief. ‘You never stood a chance.’
‘Careful now,’ and Valkyrie might not be able to kiss him, but she can certainly loosen his tie and pop a shirt button to drag a nail down his chest, looking at him through dark eyelashes that she knows look fantastic. That hitch in his breath is delicious. ‘That’s not a game you’re likely to win.’
Skulduggery shakes his head and Valkyrie is reminded of a wet dog shaking itself dry before he looks at her again.
‘I…I don’t wish to-‘It’s adorable really, watching him stammer and drop his head back in frustration as Valkyrie pops another button to drag her nails down a little more. ‘Take advantage…of you being-fucking hell, that’s distracting.’
That delightful voice swearing chips away at the last of Valkyrie’s dwindling restraint and she’s closing that miniscule distance between them. When her lips meet his again it isn’t a slow, sweet thing; it’s full of heat and need, teeth biting at his bottom lip and dragging out before surging back in to meet him again and he responds in kind, leaning up in the seat and circling her waist with his arm to pull her closer.
‘You say stop and-‘ He leaves the sentence in the air against her neck before nipping at it with his teeth.
‘I know.’ She groans, tilting her head back and Valkyries hands are sliding under his shirt, over his collarbones and-
She can feel Skulduggery physically freeze as his façade fades away beneath Valkyrie’s hand.
‘Ah.’ Is that hesitation in his voice? Uncertainty? This certainly is a night for new experiences. ‘Bugger.’
Valkyrie for her part, pushes him back down against the seat with a wicked sort of grin as he lets out a surprised sort of noise.
‘What, you think that’s gonna stop me?’ She rolls her eyes before dropping lower, planting slow, soft kisses over his clavicles. From the noise he makes at this, it is a credit to Skulduggery that he only indulges in this for a minute or so before gripping her shoulders and pushing her back. His head is tilted back and Valkyrie thinks his eyes might be closed if he still had them.
Well. She hoped they would be anyway.
‘As loathe as I am to stop you-‘
‘Then don’t.’
‘-I have absolutely no money and I’ll have to pay for parking soon.’
‘You really think parking attendants are gonna be around at this time?’ Valkyrie complains as she dislodges herself back into the passenger seat.
‘I think that the camera behind us, unfortunately, has my license plate in clear view.’ And he really did sound annoyed, as if the camera had committed some great personal crime against them.
‘Ah.’ Her words echo Skulduggery’s earlier ones as she cranes her head out of the window. ‘Bugger.’
‘Indeed.’ And then the driver seat is adjusted forwards, the gloves are back on and the Bentley is roaring to life.
‘I don’t mind it, you know.’ Skulduggery tilts his head towards her (as if he hasn’t been stealing obvious glances every half-minute at her) as Valkyrie speaks. ‘Kissing you without the façade. If that’s what made you stop.’
Skulduggery’s voice is warm and genuine when he speaks again.
‘Thank you. Truly.’ A passing streetlight illuminates him in the comfortable silence and he should look terrifying, a skeleton cast in dark shadows and soft light but he just looks…familiar. Like home.
‘Is there…I don’t know, anything we need to talk about? After-well. You know.’ Valkyrie found herself laughing a little with Skulduggery at this and yes communication has never quite been her strong suit but she’s trying alright?
‘I…don’t know.’ He’s rubbing his jaw again and Valkyrie is filing it away as some new little tick that tells her he’s unsure even as some humour enters his voice. ‘This was…not how I was expecting this night to go.’
‘Blame Tanith. She encouraged it.’ His skull tilts to her curiously.
‘Oh?’
‘Everyone and their mother has money on whether we’d kiss before I turned fifty or not apparently.’
‘I don’t suppose we don’t see any of these winnings?’
‘Shockingly, no.’
‘That’s a shame. I was quite looking forward to living out a life of luxury built upon sinful deeds.’
‘Oh, I’m sinful now, am I?’ Valkyrie crossed her arms. ‘That’s just lovely, that is.’
‘Delightfully so, Detective Cain.’ A pause and then that bashful tone again. ‘I daresay I haven’t been kissed like that in a few centuries.’
’Not too shabby yourself, Detective Pleasant.’
The Bentley rolls to a stop outside of Gordon’s house and Valkyrie sighs as the engine stops. Skulduggery turns to look at her, waiting patiently and she appreciates that he knows her well enough to recognise when she’s seriously gathering her thoughts.
‘I’m…incredibly worried about ruining things between us with-you know.’ She admits and he nods in understanding and Valkyrie hates this part, hates the awkward vulnerability and soul-bearing honesty. ‘If you want to just…forget about tonight-carry on like we used-‘
‘No.’ He shakes his head as he cuts her off. ‘No, I don’t.’ It’s a comfort that he sounds just as uncertain as she feels, now all the impulsiveness has passed. His fingers tap against the wheel of the Bentley, a gentle thing betraying his thoughts.
‘Right. Good.’ The silence was…deafening and Valkyrie shook her head against its oppression with a huff of laughter. ‘I’m terrible at feelings. Communication.’
‘That makes two of us.’ And there’s an amused lilt to Skulduggery’s voice as he speaks. ‘Thankfully, we are incredibly mature adults capable of personal growth and exploration and-why are you laughing at me Valkyrie?'
She points at his tie and there is, indeed, a little blotch of ice cream stained into it. His skull slowly inclines down, takes in the stain and his shoulders begin to shake, a small chuckle escaping before growing into a laugh and the two of them are off, an infectious cycle of laughter and pointing for a good few minutes that leaves Valkyrie’s stomach cramped.
‘Yes,’ she agrees as they calm down. ‘Very mature.’ And just like that the awkwardness is gone as a more comfortable silence draws in.
‘We can…take things slowly.’ Skulduggery offers after a little, the two of them leaning their heads against their seats. His fingers beat a slightly more rapid beat against the wheel. ‘Feel out how…all this fits into-how we are.’ This isn’t the smooth, quick-witted skeleton those who would end the world face. This is uncertainty, this is fear and excitement and horrible, terrible honesty. ‘We…this doesn’t have to be figured right now. Tonight.’
Valkyrie nods.
‘In that case…’ She leans over, swipes his hat off his head and places it on her own as she gets out the car, tilting it on a little angle as she leans through the window. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Detective Pleasant.’
There’s no witty retort, just a hesitant nod and that rhythmic beating against the steering wheel. And that’s…okay. This is foreign land, uncharted territory and Valkyrie can extend him the same patience he’s offered her so willingly, knows him well enough to understand his lack of reply isn’t an insult. Patience has never been a strong suit of hers in any other relationships but god knows Valkyrie’s willing to make an exception in this case so she gives him a gentle smile and walks away.
As she comes to the door, a cold, smooth hand grips her and spins her around. She doesn’t have time to register the face, only lips pressing gently against her own as another cool hand cups her cheek.
‘Happy birthday, Valkyrie.’ And she barely has time to give Skulduggery a breathy thanks with her heart hammering in her chest before he’s walking back towards the Bentley, hands in his pockets and façade already fading.
In the morning, Tanith will wake up to two messages on her phone. The first is a picture, of Valkyrie in bed with a familiar hat perched on her head, tilted to cover her eyes. The second, a message.
Call those bets in. All of them. You’re welcome.