Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Loneliness really was one of the worst feelings and it was the reason why Haruna decided to do this anyways.
Not that he was particularly lonely, he had his friends and mother after all but with his 23 years of age, well there were just other things too, things that were kinda missing. A girlfriend for example.

Hayato was the one who had told him all about that rental girlfriend stuff. The one where you would meet up with a random girl just to have a nice time once in a while.
Of course his best friend would come up with something like that and it took a bit of persuading but in the end Haruna agreed to try it out at least once.

Hayato had recommended this particular website and helped him to decide which girl to choose from all the pictures and just minutes later everything was set.

Like honestly what could go wrong? It might actually be a nice change of pace. Meeting someone new and talking with them but without all that pressure of a real date behind it.
In the end it maybe wasn't such a bad idea at all...

When the day had arrived Haruna made sure to be ready and punctual. He had to set up a meeting point and time during the registration and he didn't want to look like a fool for being late or anything.

It will be a nice day. Shiki, was the name of the girl Haruna had decided on, seemed to be fun to be around and her looks definitely appealed to Haruna with her long, curly, dark ruby hair and big blue eyes.

All that's left now was for Haruna to wait for her to show up.
He had thought about going to that nice donut cafe to talk for a little bit and maybe take her to a calm, little stroll afterwards.
Nice and simple just like Haruna, nothing too fancy but still something to look forward to.

Five minutes ticked by. Then ten and twenty but when it was half an hour past their meeting time Haruna got kinda worried.

Like being too late for a bit was fine, he normally wasn't mister right on time either but half an hour was somewhat suspicious.
Hopefully nothing had happened to that poor girl.
Maybe Haruna should contact the agency she was working for, search for her or do something else to assure Shiki was fine.

Haruna decided that it would be better to make a move instead of waiting here and doing nothing.

However before he could make a step forward someone bumped into him from behind at full force.

Haruna had always been the bigger and stronger type of guy, so the impact didn't affect him much but he swiftly turned around to grab that other person's wrist and stop them from falling over and hitting their head.

His green eyes meet with turquoise ones that were framed by glasses.

" Ah I'm very sorry-ssu! I wasn't looking" The stranger blurted out hectically.

" It's alright. Didn't even hurt" Haruna answered, pushing the other boy back on his own feet and letting go of his wrist.

What an interesting looking guy that was, with his black asymmetrical hair, those pink framed glasses, one pierced ear and an outfit to match.

" He, I'm glad then-ssu. Got distracted for a sec there. Y'know I'm actually looking for someone-ssu. We were supposed to meet but she didn't show up-ssu."

" You and I both then. I too should've met up with a girl but it seems like she will not show up anymore. What a disappointment. That agency sure is getting a complaint from me. I hope this isn't some fraud or something."

The other boy didn't answer that immediately but instead he looked at Haruna with wide eyes seemingly thinking about something."

" Waitsie, wait did you say agency? Like rental girlfriend and boyfriend agency? Say, the girl you were supposed to meet up with, what's her name?"

Haruna didn't understand why the other would ask something like that and why he suddenly seemed so shocked but he still answered.

" W-Well her name is Shiki. Why? You know her?" Haruna said looking at the boy in front of him more confused than anything.

" Ya could say that-ssu. Excuse me for asking but what's your name? " the stranger asked.

" It's Wakazato...Wakazato Haruna but what has this to do with Shiki? You know her how?"

Haruna could clearly see how the other's mind was rattling again, thinking really hard about something before it seemed to come together.

" Oh..oh...oh nosie...I mean oh wow-ssu. Seems like a mistake happened there" the boy said with a shocked undertone in his voice.

" What?" Haruna didn't understand. Mistake? What kind of mistake?

" You know the agency has both rental girl- and boyfriends to choose-ssu. There is a girl with the same name as me in our agency-ssu. I guess the new office employee accidentally booked me instead of Shiki-chan. Since the form only said the date, time and your name I didn't think much about it-ssu. Honestly I thought you were a girl-ssu. "

It took Haruna a long while to exactly grasp what was happening here. So this was Shiki? But it was not THE Shiki but a guy with the same name? How was that even possible? Haruna was too baffled to form an answer.

" I'm terribly sorry-ssu. I don't know how a mistake like that could happen-ssu. Shiki-chan's and my name are written with different kanji even but still...I'll make sure to clear that up with the agency-ssu. We are normally very serious-ssu. Of coursie I'll make sure you get a refund too-ssu"

Haruna wasn't even sure why this Shiki suddenly was bowing before him and apologizing like crazy.

" Well it's not your fault so I guess it's fine" Haruna tried to lighten the mood with a small smile.

" Still it's unacceptable-ssu. A mistake like that shouldn't happen. Honestly, it's a shame-ssu. You are totally Shiki-chan's type. She would have enjoyed spending time with you and now your day is ruined as well-ssu"

" Oh I wouldn't say that. I mean why don't you just spend time with me instead?" Haruna said without thinking.

Wait what? Did Haruna just…? What the hell was wrong with him? Shiki must think he's some crazy guy now. Who would suggest something like that to another male? Wasn't it kind of weird...

To Haruna's own surprise Shiki just smiled before breaking out in a delighted laughter.

" Wow! Honestly, that hit me by surprise-ssu. I mean you are right we are both already here and you paid in advance. Normally I don't do this with guys but I guess once is fine right? So agreed-ssu! I'll make sure to still give you the nicest time possible-ssu" Shiki said with a charming smile holding out his hand to the other but Haruna only stared at him confused.

" Oh right. Force of habit-ssu. It would probably be weird for two guys to hold hands-ssu" Shiki corrected himself, retreating his hand.

Haruna wasn't so sure if this was the best idea but they already agreed to go together, furthermore he was the one to make the suggestion in the first place, it would look stupid to back out now. Why was his mouth always faster than his brain? Honestly annoying.

" So Haruna-san, where do you want to go first?" Shiki asked, letting his head fall to one side in question.

" Oh you know...there's this nice donut cafe around here. I thought it might be a good place to have a conversation and stuff."

" Then let's go there-ssu! I'll gladly accompany you. Just lead the way-ssu"

~🍩~

In the end Shiki hadn't thought that his day would be like this.
He had prepared to have a few nice hours with some beautiful girl but instead he was stuck with this guy. Not that it was bad but it wasn't what Shiki was normally used to.

The donut shop was small but very nice and they sold some fancy drinks like milkshakes and lemonade alongside the donuts.
Haruna also seemed to be a fairly average and nice guy himself but yet Shiki felt kind of nervous.

He'd never been out with another guy like this before.
Why had he agreed to go with Haruna in the first place?

Deep down Shiki was sure he knew why but he tried to squash that thought down by taking a big gulp from his strawberry milkshake through the straw, using the coldness of the drink to refresh his mind.
He should just do what he always does with the girls too. Conversation, right? This wasn't a real date after all.

" Does it taste good?...The milkshake I mean" Haruna asked out of nowhere, the question startling Shiki for a bit.

" Uhm...yes. Yes it's really good-ssu. I never knew a place like this existed-ssu. Do you like this place a lot?" Shiki tried to keep some kind of conversation between them.

" I do a lot actually. They really have the best donuts"

" Haruna-san likes donuts a lot, huh? Are you really gonna eat them all?" Shiki asked with a smile looking at the at least 12 pieces of donuts in front of the other.

" Ooh you bet. Nothing beats donuts. They are the best!" Haruna happily exclaimed, making Shiki chuckle amused.

" So Haruna-san is a real glutton then. That's amazing-ssu! Is there anything else you like to do besides eating donuts?"

" Hm well you know I'm still a student at university although I'm 23 years old already but let's just say I had my problems in high school not really knowing what I wanted to do with my future but now I'm doing my best to become an english teacher. I know it's pretty uncool but…" Haruna waited for Shiki to agree but nothing of the sort happened.

Instead the other boy bolted out of his chair, almost knocking over his milkshake as he bent over looking at Haruna with sparkles in his eyes.

" That is….SOO MEGA AMAZING-SSU! It means that you are super good at English, right? Wow I'm soooo jealous-ssu!"

What? Haruna moved back a bit when Shiki brought their faces closer together, literally beaming at him.

" I...guess...I am…" Haruna answered irritated. No one had ever thought about his education as amazing or cool or something like that.

Haruna was just an average kind of guy who struggled hard to get through school but right now Shiki looked at him like he was the damn president or so.

" Wow I never thought I'd meet such an interesting guy today-ssu" Shiki giggled, slumping back into his chair, " tell me more about it-ssu."

Haruna would be lying if he'd say he wasn't surprised by that sudden interest but he still continued to tell Shiki more about his studies and university.

Suddenly the conversation was flowing so naturally. Though it had been pretty awkward at first. Haruna would talk and Shiki would listen, giving a few amazed comments here and there and somehow it felt like they've known each other since ages, like they were friends. It was crazy when it's only been an hour or so. Being around Shiki made Haruna's boring life feel so much more exciting already. Although they were only sitting here and eating donuts.

Speaking about that, Haruna hadn't even realized that they both were finished with their food already.

" I'm sorry I just keep talking about myself and…"

" That's quite alright. It's what we are here for after all-ssu. So is there something you wanna do next? We still have some hours left-ssu" Shiki promptly interrupted Haruna's rambling.

" Uhm...I didn't really think about that. At first I just wanted to go for a nice stroll but I guess this time I just let you decide.." Haruna mumbled quietly. Like going for a walk seemed nice...yeah...if you were with a girl...but two guys…

Shiki seemed to think really hard about it before his face lit up.

" If that's what you want then I think I know just the place-ssu. It's not far from here. I can bring us there-ssu."

Haruna swallowed down the last bit of his donut and nodded his head. Wherever Shiki would take him, he was sure that it was a fun place.

" Okay you lead the way this time…"

~🎮~

Haruna hadn't been in a place like this for such a long time and he looked around baffled before his eyes fell onto Shiki who was practically beaming.

" An arcade? Why?" Haruna asked.

" Why? Because playing games is fun of course-ssu. Don't you like being at an arcade?" Shiki asked completely in shock.

" No that's not it...I just haven't been in one for ages...but enough of me already. What about you? What else does Shiki like...I mean you gotta have more hobbies or things you are good at besides hanging around in arcades or so it seems" Haruna raised an eyebrow in question.

Shiki didn't answer immediately instead he stared into nothingness for a few seconds and Haruna could swear that he saw the light drain from his turquoise eyes in this short time.

" I don't really have anything-ssu. I just like going to karaoke and playing games a lot but I wouldn't call it things I'm good at. I mean I just turned 21 this spring so I guess as long as I can have fun and meet new people it's fine the way it is-ssu. There's no need to worry about something like special talents-ssu."

" Is that the reason why you started this job?" Haruna asked further.

" To be honest I was just tired of studying-ssu. Being a rental boyfriend you get to meet lots of different people and experience fun things-ssu. Getting paid for that doesn't seem so bad so I just went with it-ssu" Shiki shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal at all, " look there how about a round of classic DDR?"

" Dancing? Really that's what you wanna do? I don't know…" the last time Haruma had done something like that was back in high school.

Not that he was bad at it, actually back then he would beat high score after high score but now things were just different.

" Eeh?! Come on, this is gonna be fun! I mega swear-ssu! Or is Haruna-san afraid of losing?" Shiki teased.

" Tch you wish! I'll crush you in seconds" Haruna bit back annoyed. He definitely was too proud to accept defeat just like that.

" Oho? Challenge accepted-ssu" Shiki grinned devilishly. He wasn't going to lose either.

Honestly this was entirely different from what Haruna had expected this day to be like but he would be lying if he said that it wasn't fun.
After crushingly defeating Shiki at the DDR and the latter not believing it at all, whining about his pride being destroyed, they settled on trying out all kinds of different games from the classics to new ones.

Shiki was absolutely amazed by Haruna's sense of rhythm and natural talent when it came to playing Drummania and Haruna couldn't believe that a guy like Shiki could be so good at shooting zombies with a gun shaped controller.

They even went to take some stupid Purikura after Shiki pestered the other for at least half an hour and they got some fancy looking drinks from one of the vending machines, idyllie chatting about this and that.

Time was flying past so fast and Haruna couldn't believe that it had already become afternoon. The day was gone too soon for his liking.

" Honestly, can you stop looking at that? It's embarrassing" Haruna complained.

" Why? I think you look super duper cool in those photos-ssu" Shiki countered with a giggle, his eyes still focused on the stripe of Purikuras they took earlier.

Haruna released a heavy sight. This guy really was something else but meeting Shiki had been such a refreshing experience, in the end Haruna couldn't complain.

Shiki stopped in his tracks and Haruna watched how he changed direction to one of the claw machines.
What was it now?
He moved closer to see what the other was looking at. Shiki was practically glued to that machine's window.

" Oh I know that one" Haruna said as he spotted the prices inside the claw machine " isn't that this popular mascot character? What was its name again? Kumacchi, right?"

" Yep-ssu! Kumacchi is super cute! I love it so much-ssu!"

" I figured as much" Haruna giggled. It was like Shiki had totally forgotten that the head of the mascot was printed all over the shirt he was wearing today.

" Ne, can I try to get one? Those plushies are super adorable-ssu! Look at that big, round head and tiny little paws-ssu!"

" Sure go ahead" Haruna shrugged his shoulders.

Said and done but of course it wasn't as easy as that. Shiki's try ended up disastrous and he couldn't even get close to grabbing one plushie out of the machine.

" Aww what a bummer-ssu! Guess you can't help it-ssu" Shiki pouted looking longingly at the soft toys inside the machine.

Haruna was pretty sure that the other would have tried to break in that glass to get one of the Kumacchis if there weren't other people watching.

" Let me try then"

" Haruna-san you don't have to do that. We both know that those claw machines are impossible to win at-ssu. You must be super duper lucky-ssu" Shiki sighed defeated.

" Tch just let me try. Once won't hurt right?" Haruna gently shoved the other out of the way to take his spot and insert a 100 yen coin into the machine before Shiki could protest more.

The game started and Haruna could hear how Shiki was holding his breath.
He knew that it was hard but it wasn't impossible either if you concentrated high enough and managed to get the right angle with the claw.

Thirty seconds had gone too fast and now they both held their breath as they watched the claw moving down, grabbing for the plush Haruna had decided on.

Shiki's eyes grew wider and wider as the little Kumacchi was lifted into the air and brought closer to the exit chute and he held back his squeal when the claw dropped it right there and the machine lit up in colours to announce that Haruna had actually won.

" Wow Haruna-san! You are so hyper amazing-ssu!" Shiki breathed out astonished as the other bent down to obtain the prize.

" See, if you believe hard enough I think everything is possible. Here" Haruna said, holding out the soft toy towards the other.

" Eeh? You are giving that to me? But it's your price-ssu"

" And you are the one who wanted it so take it. I don't even know what I would do with it. Just see it as a thank you for today" Haruna said, practically pushing the plushie into Shiki's hands.

" Thank you? But you paid me for today. There's no need to thank me-ssu."

" Of course I know that but still I really had fun. All I've been doing for months now seemed to be sleeping, studying and eating so this day really was like a breath of fresh air for me…and I'm actually sad it's already over" Haruna mumbled out that last part extra quietly but Shiki still heard it and he tried hard to ignore the weird flutter his heart did.

" I don't even know what to say-ssu. Thank you really. It trusie was a fun day-ssu. I hope that you would consider our agency again and that you get the right Shiki next time" Shiki pressed the Kumacchi plush closer to his chest, his eyes flickering to the clock on the wall for a short second.

This really meant goodbye now right? Somehow that made Shiki feel kind of sad. It has never been like that.
This was part of his work after all. In the end it hadn't been anything more than a job.

Deep down Shiki wanted to tell Haruna that he wouldn't mind spending more time together, even without the money, going out for dinner and some drinks but he kept quiet.
Haruna would surely think he was weird if he suggested something like that.

" So...I hope you don't think I'm weird for asking that...but today...I really enjoyed it and it was lots of fun...I also think I wanna know more about you...I feel like we could really become good friends and I'm kinda not interested in meeting that other Shiki anymore instead...is it...is it okay...if I rent you again?" Haruna blurted out all of a sudden.

The suggestion took Shiki completely by surprise. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing would come out so instead he just nodded fiercely.

" T-Then next saturday! I was going to meet up with my best friend Hayato for some live action horror game and we could still need someone in our team so if you are up to it. Of course I'll make everything official and book you via the form and stuff" Haruna chided excitedly.

" Yeah I'd love to join-ssu!" Shiki answered enthusiastically.

They both decided to exchange their contact info so they'll be able to write to each other throughout the week.

" Well then I'm really looking forward to saturday" Haruna held out his fist towards the other.

" Me too! It's gonna be exciting-ssu!" Shiki answered, bumping their fists together with a smile and Haruna smiled right back.

" I see you on saturday then Shiki-kun" Haruna winked at the other before turning around to take his leave not really waiting for Shiki to answer.

Shiki was left staring after Haruna for longer than he should have.
His arms wrapped tighter around the Kumacchi plushie and he buried his nose into its soft head with a content sight.
His stomach was feeling so giddy all of a sudden and he whispered to himself.

" Byebye...Haruna...cchi…"

Chapter Text

Right now Shiki was seated in one of Tokyo's many metros.
It was Saturday, the day he'd been looking forward to ever since they said their goodbyes at the arcade.

Today they would meet again after a whole week and Shiki would be lying if he said that he wasn't excited.

He hadn't been able to close even one eye during the night, his mind coming up with thousands of scenarios on how this day could go.
It was stupid of him to feel so anxious but since last week something was slowly changing.

Shiki had been on various "fake" dates with all kinds of different girls but last time...together with Haruna...he couldn't explain what happened back then but it hadn't been the same like all the times before.
Was it because Haruna was a guy like him?
No, that couldn’t be it.

At least that's what Shiki tried to tell himself.
He moved a hand over his heart, taking in a deep breath.
It was probably nothing.
After all Shiki wasn't like that...he wasn't...after all this was just another job.

Haruna had stayed true to his word and actually booked Shiki again via the online form.
So once again he was paid to spend time with Haruna.
Though to be honest shiki would have come anyways, money or not.

Haruna would bring his best friend along too and Shiki wondered what type of guy he might be?
So far Shiki only knew that his name was Hayato and that's about it.

He needed to try hard to get along since Hayato was Haruna's best friend.
That means he was someone very important to Haruna.

If one day Shiki might become an important person in Haruna's life too? Wouldn’t that be too good to be true?

Shiki shook his head.
Thinking like that wasn't good at all.
He should concentrate on the present right now.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, signalling that a message had arrived.
Shiki looked over it and of course it was from Haruna.
They've been sending each other stupid little messages via Line the whole week long.
Sometimes it had distracted Shiki from his work greatly but he couldn't be mad.
Not when, everytime a new message arrived, he had to smile like an idiot.

This time it was Haruna telling him not to be late followed by some random looking donut sticker.
If they both had one thing in common then it was the fact that they liked to litter their messages with stickers and emoticons.
Shiki sent his reply right back followed by a "Roger that"-Kumacchi sticker.

In the end he'd been so distracted by the message he almost missed the stop he was supposed to get off at.
Shiki released a relieved sight after he managed to still get through the doors in the nick of time, annoying the people around him.

There were around ten minutes left and all he had to do now was to find the right exit.
His stomach suddenly felt all bubbly the closer he came to their designated meeting point.

Shiki tried to remember that this was a job. Nothing more, nothing less.
It was silly being that excited.
Yet he couldn't suppress the smile appearing on his lips as soon as he spotted the familiar mob of red hair.

Haruna was waving at him, smiling literally as bright as Shiki.
Shiki hurried over to the other to greet him properly.

" It's nice to see you again Haruna-san-ssu" he blurted out, almost too excited.

" Yo, Shiki. How have you been doing?"

Shiki's heart did a weird flip as a hand reached out to pet his head. Normally he would have been offended by such childish treatment but when it was Haruna, Shiki found that he didn't mind all too much.

" So that's the famous Shiki."

" Ah right. Hayato this is Shiki and Shiki this is Hayato" Haruna introduced the two boys to each other.

" It's a pleasure to meet you Hayato-san-ssu" Shiki said with a small bow.

Hayato seemed to be an average guy around their age with spiky, green hair but he was Haruna's best friend so starting this on good terms was very important.

" Wow he's super polite but it's okay to just call me Hayato y'know. Anyways, where did Haruna pick you up again?" Hayato asked curiously.

Before Shiki could form an answer, Haruna interrupted.

" Oh I met Shiki at the arcade I went to together with that rental girlfriend. We played some DDR against each other and just got along so I thought why not invite him too since you whined about needing another player."

" Totes right-ssu. Thanks for letting me come along-ssu" Shiki nodded his head in agreement.

True, they decided not to tell Hayato what had really happened yet. Haruna insisted that it would be too much of a shock for his best friend to handle all of a sudden.

" Honestly. I send you to spend some time with a nice girl and you go and pick up some guy" Hayato exclaimed with a roll of his eyes " however I hope Shiki-kun is up for the challenge. I'm not gonna lose."

Shiki flinched when Hayato put his hands on his shoulders way too forcefully looking at him dead serious.

" C-Coursie I am. Totes r-ready-ssu!"

" Stop that nonsense Hayato, you are scaring him" Haruna said with an annoyed sigh " let's better move before we are too late for the game."

A live action horror game. Shiki had never done something like that before.
He wasn't so sure if he really was up for the challenge when they got their instructions from the staff before entering.

Apparently they were no fighters and their only options left were to run and hide.
That already sounded super scary although Shiki knew that none of this was real.
The monsters or whatever it was in there wouldn't actually hurt them and were just regular humans.

All three of them were equipped with a flashlight and a small bag to store their stuff.
Hayato got the walkie-talkie to communicate with the staff should something go wrong though they were assured that cameras were installed everywhere to observe them through the journey.
Shiki was left in charge of the notepad to write down everything that might come in handy or give them some clue.
Of course they weren’t allowed to bring their personal belongings like mobilephones and wallets with them.

With a few last words from the staff they now entered the starting point of the game through a door that looked old and rusty.

There were a few stairs leading down to a small hall. The floor was flooded with ankle high muddy water, looking and smelling downright disgusting.
Shiki already regretted saying yes to join in on this.

" Great, I knew I should have brought wellies…" Haruna jokingly said.

" I don't wanna go there…" Shiki mumbled.

" Guess we gotta make it to the door on the other side," Hayato concluded.

" After you then mister team leader" Haruna suggested but Hayato instantly shook his head.

" That water looks freaking disgusting. Can't you carry me over there?"

Haruna really seemed to think about it for a few seconds.

" Hmmmm….no" and with that said he gave Hayato a firm push making the other stumble a few steps forward and right into the water.

Hayato released a terrified shriek as soon as the cold hit his ankles.

" Haruna SO FREAKING mean!"

Shiki had to giggle. Playing this live action game might be scary but maybe together with both of them it wouldn't be as bad.

Haruna turned around to face him.

" Will you be alright?"

" Uhm. I'll be fine-ssu. I can totes make it-ssu!"

Haruna smiled going in first and Shiki followed after him.
The water sure was cold and Shiki didn't want to know what it was that was floating around their feet.
Only thinking about it made him cringe inwardly.
He tried to keep close to the others.
This definitely was some other kind of date, huh?

No, it wasn't really a date.
Even if Haruna had booked him again, this was just them hanging out together.
Calling it a date when they both were guys was just awkward.

With some efforts and Haruna having to save Hayato from falling over a few times they successfully made it to the other side.

" Not sure if I wanna go there" Haruna announced reading over the big sign that said -Do not enter ! Danger ahead-.

" Well you can't anyways. It's locked" Hayato grumbled.

" Then the key surely must be here somewhere-ssu" Shiki started to look around for some clues, " maybe in the water-ssu."

" They don't expect us to search all of this for just one little key? It's not like this is just a puddle. How would we ever be able to find it?" Hayato questioned.

" If it really is in the water then I guess there must be a hint somewhere to its exact location-ssu" Shiki suggested starting to inspect that door further.

" Wow smart boy" Haruna said amused but Shiki just shook his head.

" Not really-ssu. Honestly I barely made it through high school-ssu"

" You know that there's more than one kind of smart? At least that's what I like to think"

Shiki nodded his head at Haruna's comment, not trying to feel too flattered.

" Lookie that cord leading up and away from the door-ssu. I wonder where it goes to…" Shiki mused.

" I can tell you," Hayato said, holding his flashlight up into the air, " it's a network of different lamps hanging from the ceiling"

" Means if we repair it then maybe one of the lamps will light up telling us where to exactly look for the key" Haruna concluded.

Said and done. It was fairly easy all they had to do was to connect the loosened cord. Since it was pretty high up Haruna had to tiptoe to do it and just like they expected one of the lamps lit up showing them the location of the key.

Of course this first step was made more easy so the people wouldn't give up but Shiki was sure that things would get more tricky as they moved forward and he made sure to keep close behind Haruna as they walked through that door.

" So it's a scenario like that" Hayato said as he looked around, " An asylum that got abandoned because a zombie apocalypse broke out? How cliche"

" Still mega scary-ssu" Shiki whispered.

He knew all too well that any of this wasn't real but the more they moved through the building and along those dark corridors, noting down everything that might come in handy later, solving riddles with those two, the more he got immersed into the whole game.

They once even had to run from some zombies hiding behind the curtain of some hospital bed.
In the end it was way more scary than Shiki had thought it would be and he genuinely was frightened.
He tried to hide it as best as he could though.
Shiki didn't want to appear uncool or something.
In the end all he could do was to bear through it and hope they would be out of here soon.

He wasn’t so sure if this would become his new favorite kind of date.
Shiki was used to going out with girls, having some coffee together, hanging out at cute stores, watching a movie or going to a restaurant but then again this change in routine, as scary as it was, still felt pretty refreshing.

Shiki was astonished at how calm and collected Haruna seemed to be when they searched through the library they discovered. Even Hayato was scared but Haruna wasn't affected at all or was he just trying to act brave because he noticed that Hayato was losing his nerves?

Anyways Shiki caught himself thinking that Haruna really was a cool and amazing guy and weirdly enough that thought alone made his heart beat a tick faster.

" I don't know, you really think we will find something here?" Hayato asked with a sigh.

" Well it's a library. Just keep looking. Maybe there's some clue in those books and documents" Haruna answered, flicking through one of the books.

Shiki took a closer look at the bookshelves. There were so many books here and they seemed to be so old.
His hand slid over all the different spines of the books.
There was a brown one with a very interesting title, it seemed to be like it were notes about different experiments.
Maybe there was a clue in there.

Shiki proceeded to take the book out of the shelf but before he could there was a clicking noise and his world was spinning and all of a sudden he wasn't in the library anymore.
There was only the bookshelf and a long, dark corridor.

What? Shiki didn't understand anymore. What happened? Why was he alone? Where are Haruna and Hayato?

He could hear Haruna's voice calling to him...through the wall behind the shelf?

" Shiki?! Shiki?! Can you hear me? Are you alright?"

" I'm fine-ssu! I don't know what happened-ssu!"

" Seems like you found a secret passage," this was Hayato's voice "unfortunately it doesn't turn around again! You gotta follow the way and we'll meet on the other side!"

" What?!" Shiki all but shrieked " alone?! That's impossible! I can't-ssu! It's too scary-ssu! Totes impossible-ssu!"

" There's no other choice! Don't worry we'll make sure to rejoin you again! Also remember it's just a game! Nothing in here can actually hurt you!"

Well Haruna had it easy saying that. He wasn't the one who accidentally pulled some stupid switch bringing himself into a scary, dark, long corridor all alone.

This was just Shiki's kind of luck. Why did he always have to be so nosy? If he hadn’t pulled the book out none of this would have happened.
Right now he had no other choice left. There was no other way back.
He clenched the notepad in his hand tighter before letting it slip back into his small bag.

" R-Righty! I'll try-ssu…"

" Good! Don't forget to write down everything that could be important!"

Shiki cursed under his breath. Of course that was Hayato's only worry. Honestly this was the worst experience ever.
Rental boyfriend or not, no money in the world was worth going through this.
Haruna should pay him double and then go to hell, really.

On the other hand, wasn't it Shiki's own fault? After all, he had readily agreed to tag along even when Haruna mentioned that it was a "Live Action Horror Game".
Had Shiki really been that desperate to see the other again?

No that wasn't it. Shiki couldn't allow himself to think like that.
He should focus on the task ahead and that was him all alone in a dark corridor, already scared for his life.

Shiki's feet didn't want to move but he had no other choice; he needed to go on to rejoin with Hayato and Haruna.
God he hated all of this!
Why in the world did he have to pull that book? He felt so stupid.

The corridor looked even more desolated than the rest of the building and was only dimly lit by a few small lights here and there.

Shiki cursed himself for having handed his flashlight to Haruna earlier for safe keeping.
Well there were no other options left.
He needed to move on, there was no way back.

He forced his feet to move one after the other, his steps echoing in the empty corridor.
Shiki could feel the cold shivers running down his spine the further he walked.

Hayato said to look out for other clues but in his state of mind, Shiki wasn't so sure if he could actually do that.

He followed the corridor for a while but then he had to stop his journey as he reached a dead end.
What? That couldn't be possible…

" No, no.. '' Shiki looked around trying to find something that would lead him further. This couldn't be the end of it.

There was a small hole at the bottom of the wall, barely large enough for him to squeeze through.
He tried to see where it would lead but it was pitch black inside like a long tunnel.

It was most likely Shiki's only way out of here but he didn't fancy the idea of crawling into complete darkness. Once again he cursed himself for letting go of his flashlight.

" I hate this-ssu…"

Even if he was terribly scared, he needed to be brave and go on or else he wouldn't be able to reunite with the others.
Why on earth had he agreed to tag along? Shiki should have known that it would end in a total fiasco.

Crawling into that dark small space was entirely against every instinct in Shiki's body since he wasn't even able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
How long was it? Would it really lead him somewhere or was he crawling into certain death?

Shiki stopped for a moment, taking in a deep breath, remembering himself that it was just a game and he wouldn't die or anything and he crawled in further and further.

Being surrounded by darkness in a small space was already terrifying enough but then he also heard a suspicious sound coming from...behind him making every hair on his body stand at edge.

Shiki wasn't a person to swear a lot but this game really brought out the worst in him and after almost screaming out a very indecent word he picked up his pace trying to crawl as fast as he could.
His nerves were a complete wreck and his heart was racing madly in his chest.
Something definitely was behind him!

This wasn't funny anymore! This was absolutely traumatizing!

He managed to squeeze through the other side just in time because whatever was behind him had already grabbed a hold of his ankle but he could shake it off with a forceful kick and it retreated into the darkness with a screech.

" I hate this-ssu! This game is stupid! I don't wanna do this anymore-ssu!" Shiki complained loudly as he lifted himself up.

Haruna that brick, bringing him along to such a horrible place.
No wonder that guy had no girlfriend. Who would want to date such an idiot?

Shiki thought that this must be the end of it.
Like it couldn't get any more horrible and he would be able to peacefully reunite with the others again.

He should have known that in such a game peace was never an option in the first place.
The corridor he was now in seemed to be pretty normal at first but not for long as on the other end of it a huge and bulky zombie appeared.

Deep down in his head Shiki knew that this was just a game. He knew that this zombie before him was just a normal human in a very good and realistic costume and that even if he got caught, nothing would happen. He would just get thrown out of the game.

Yet he was already so immersed in everything that he released a terrified scream, starting to run away like his life actually depended on it.

Shiki could hear the heavy footsteps behind him.
He was being chased like an innocent bunny, through corridors that were like a maze and he turned left and right and then right and left again.

He needed to find a place to hide because he knew that with his stamina he wouldn't be able to escape for long but there was literally no way to shake off his pursuer.

It even got worse when Shiki reached another dead end.
He hectically tried to find a way.
Maybe there was another hole in the wall or some sort of switch but no, this time he was completely trapped.

" No, no, no, no, no. That's not true-ssu I don't wanna die-ssu" he whimpered, crouching down, tightly shutting his eyes and putting his hands over his ears like he could block out all the awful things happening.

Shiki could still hear the footsteps drawing closer. He was done for and it all was Haruna's fault.

That was how he was gonna die. He could hear his own heartbeat drumming in his ears, his blood pulsing through his veins. He definitely was panicking.

" No I don't wanna-ssu.. "

The footsteps were so near now. Shiki felt how he was losing the last of his nerves. He was scared, absolutely terrified. He wanted to be out of here so bad.

" It's just a game-ssu. It's just a game-ssu. It's just a game…" Shiki repeated the sentence like some sort of mantra.

" Shiki-kun? Are you alright?"

Shiki was confused the first few seconds but then he carefully blinked his eyes open.

Instead of a horrible zombie, Haruna and Hayato were there, staring down at him rather irritated.

Shiki suppressed his first instinct to jump right into Haruna's arms as relieve was washing over him like a huge wave.

" Coursie I'm alright-ssu…" he said with a sniffle, hectically rubbing the tears out of his eyes and lifting himself up.
Shiki didn't want to appear like an uncool scaredy cat. He was a man after all.

" That's good news. I'm so glad you are alright and we found each other again"

Damn Shiki found it to be very difficult to be mad at Haruna when he was smiling at him like that...

" Were you able to find out anything?" Hayato asked.

" Sorry-ssu. I was too busy running away to take a closer look at the surroundings-ssu" Shiki answered bitterly, glad that he at least didn't lose the bag with the notepad because Hayato would probably have killed him.

" Running away from what?" Haruna let his head fall to one side.

Shiki didn't need to answer. As soon as Haruna had said that, the zombie that had been chasing him before appeared at the end of the corridor.

" We are done for-ssu. This is a dead end-ssu" Shiki breathed out in panic, hiding himself behind Haruna.

" Oh I wouldn't say that…" Haruna simply stated.

Before Shiki could fathom what was going on, Haruna had grabbed his hand and they were running right towards the zombie with Hayato in tie.

What were those two doing? Were they psychopaths or something for running right into danger?
Oh my god maybe the experience had made them go totally mad too?

They splitted into two groups right before the zombie, distracting him enough to be able to run past without getting caught.
Oh so Haruna and Hayato weren’t crazy, they were just acting strategically.

Still Shiki really had enough of all of this. He was scared and he wanted to get out of here so badly.

Things got even worse when they found a closet just big enough for all three of them to hide in. Great now he was confined in another dark and small space.

Shiki was squashed against a hard wooden wall, trying his best to keep quiet and control the trembling of his body. He couldn't let the others know that he was actually terrified of such a stupid game like this.

But of course Haruna noticed.
He'd always been good at noticing the little things, plus they were pretty close together in that small space so it was almost impossible to not register how Shiki's body was shaking.

Haruna felt kinda bad for putting the other in such a situation. He didn't understand why Shiki decided to come along in the first place if he was so scared of a scenario like that.

Then again this company really put a lot of effort into making the whole experience ultra realistic.
Shiki seemed to be someone who easily gets too invested in games like that, entirely forgetting that everything wasn't real in the first place.

Haruna found it hard to look into those teary turquoise eyes, clouded by fear and not feel like all of this was his fault.
He tried to remember what it was that his mother used to do when he'd been scared as a little kid.

Despite having to raise Haruna all on her own, his mother had always been warm and caring.
Maybe that was something Haruna had inherited from her after all as he didn't think twice when he wrapped his arms around Shiki's small body, hugging him as tight as possible. It always helped Haruna to calm down as a child so maybe it would help Shiki too.

Shiki was confused at first when he suddenly was pulled against Haruna's chest but he soon enough felt a hot blush creeping on his cheeks as his mind registered that Haruna was actually hugging him.

" It's alright. We'll be out of here soon. I'll protect you, promise" Haruna whispered in such a low reassuring voice, Shiki felt warm shivers running down his spine.

Was the other trying to comfort him? Shiki was at a loss for words and without knowing what to say he just rested his hands on Haruna's chest.

Haruna's body was pretty warm. That was the first thing Shiki noticed. It wasn't an unpleasant warmth though, if Shiki had to describe it calming was a good word for it.

Haruna was probably at least one if not even two heads bigger than him and although his clothes were hiding it pretty good Shiki could definitely feel those abs underneath the layers of fabric. Haruna must be pretty strong.

Shiki couldn’t explain what it was but just listening to the other's heartbeat made him feel so much calmer, putting his own heart at ease.

Haruna also smelled pretty damn amazing. Shiki felt embarrassed to admit it to himself but he definitely was lured in by that alluring scent.

If they weren't in this situation, Shiki was sure he would have been able to fall asleep in the other's arms just like that.
It was a warm and comforting hug, something Shiki hadn't received in a long while.
God he wouldn't mind staying like this forever.

" Phew I think it's clear now…" Hayato announced out of the blue.

And like that their perfect moment was over.
Hayato opened that closet door, stumbling out of their confinement, followed by Haruna and
Shiki was left with an empty feeling inside his chest.

The reality of what had just happened seemed to finally sink in with him as he carefully stepped out of the closet.
Just now they had hugged so tightly.
Shiki wasn't sure how red his whole face was but by the way his heart was beating out of rhythm, it probably was a lot.

" Are you feeling better now?" Haruna asked with a small smile.

" Y-yes totes fine-ssu! Thanks Haruna-san"

" Man drop that -san already. I'd like to believe that we are friends now so there's no need for such formalities."

Shiki decided to be brave once and he swallowed hard before phrasing his sentence.

" Then is it fine to call you...Haruna...cchi from now on?"

Haruna looked confused the first few seconds and Shiki already wanted to take his sentence back but then the other nodded his head with a smile.

" That's fine. I think I kinda like that even. Come on now. I don't think the exit is too far away. I'm sure we can do it"

Shiki didn't complain or struggle when Haruna grabbed for his hand to drag him along. He knew that it was a gesture supposed to make him feel more secure.

At this moment Shiki came to realize something about the other. Haruna was not only cool and amazing, he was also very….gentle.

Despite everything Shiki had tried to tell himself he squeezed the hand holding his own tighter…

~🧟~

How they made it out alive was still a mystery to Shiki but he was glad they did. Finally that horrendous experience was over and he visibly relaxed when the staff congratulated them on their success.

Finally they could get their stuff like phones, wallet and bags back and leave this place for good.
Hayato was totally in high spirits.

" That was such an amazing job! Shiki-kun you were so awesome!"

Shiki reciprocated the high five that was offered to him with a big smile but he wasn't prepared for the onslaught of affection that followed afterwards in the form of a hug, Hayato rubbing their cheeks together in delight.

" From now on you can bring Shiki anywhere" Hayato said, directed towards Haruna.

" Told you Shiki was special" Haruna answered with a shrug of his shoulders and a smile.

Even if it was just said casually, the small compliment made Shiki's stomach feel warmer than it should and he was sure, Hayato who was still clinging to him, could feel it too.

" Whew but now that this is over I gotta say I'm feeling pretty hungry from being so scared. We should celebrate the success by going out to eat. It's already way past dinner time anyways. I know that there's this nice Izakaya right around the corner. Please, pleeassee" Hayato pleaded and Shiki released the breath he'd been holding when he finally got freed from the hug.

" It's fine with me," Haruna said, taking a curt look at his phone, " but oh...will that be alright?"

Shiki knew what the other was hinting at although he didn't say it out loud.
The time was already over. Shiki had no obligation to stay any longer.
He wouldn't be benefiting from staying together with Haruna.

Their date, if you could even call it that, ended but when Shiki looked into those vibrant green eyes how could he be able to say no.
When Haruna looked at him so pleadingly…
At least that's what he liked to believe. It was just because Haruna silently insisted and not because Shiki actually wanted to go together with him.

``We are friends now-ssu. So of coursie I'd like to go and have dinner with you-ssu."

Shiki felt like starving anyways and the smile on Haruna's face paired with Hayato's excited squeal was definitely worth it.

~🍵~

Shiki found that it's been a long while since he last went out to have dinner with friends.

Not that Shiki had many friends to begin with. Besides having a rather loud and cheery personality he liked to keep people away from him for a reason.
Yet he couldn't deny that being in this place was pretty nice.
Sitting together while eating, drinking and talking, laughing about stupid jokes here and there.

Shiki had almost forgotten how it felt to truly connect with someone.
Talking about all and nothing at the same time.
It was much nicer than just having shallow dates with random girls.

He learned a lot about Hayato like the fact that he was studying music at the same university as Haruna but they both became friends way back in high school.

What must that be like? Having such a good friend at your side...
Shiki couldn't imagine and he was glad that he was allowed to join in on this wonderful experience.

In his head he silently thanked that new office employee for making the mistake and switching him up with Shiki-chan because if she hadn't then he would have never met Haruna in the first place.

Haruna, who was amazing, cool, warm, gentle, understanding and a lot of other things Shiki didn’t know about yet.
Someone like that being friends with him...unbelievable.

Shiki's eyes flickered towards the other.
He had to take back his comment from before...it was a miracle how someone like Haruna didn't have a girlfriend yet.

Like wouldn't every girl be mega happy to be with such a guy?
Shiki imagined that if he was a woman he would probably feel so mega lucky to have a boyfriend like Haruna.

Haruna caught him staring and Shiki quickly avoided his gaze when the other's lips formed into a small smile.
His stupid heart was racing again but this time it wasn't because he was scared.
Shiki could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.
What had he been thinking? To imagine something like that...it was absolutely weird.

Hayato was excitedly talking about something but Shiki wasn't really listening. The words just sounded like some incoherent mumbling to his ears that were filled with the sound of his madly beating heart.

Shiki did his best to shoo those stupid thoughts away and ignore that warm tingling in his stomache.

He couldn't allow something like this to happen...not again…

It had become pretty late so they finished their meals and paid their bills before heading out onto the streets again where a not so pleasant surprise awaited them.

" Well that’s unfortunate…" Hayato breathed out.

" That's strange-ssu. The weather forecast didn't say anything about rain-ssu. I didn't bring my jacket-ssu."

" But we need to keep going or we will miss the last train," Haruna explained.

" No other choice huh?" Hayato pulled the hood of his jacket over his head, " The station is not that far but we probably still will be soaked by the time we reach it. The rain is too heavy."

" Like you say there's no other choice. So we'll just run."

Shiki didn't like Haruna's idea. He'd already been running enough inside of that horror game and now that he was finally out he had to run again.
His kind of luck once more.

Shiki blinked confused when something was held over his head.

" We'll do it like that. Just keep close, no better hold on to me alright?" Haruna was holding his jacket over both their heads to shield them from the rain a bit.

Shiki still couldn't believe that a guy like Haruna actually existed although he was standing right there. Such a guy was too good to be true.

" Uhum…" Shiki scurried a bit closer, clutching his small hand into Haruna's shirt

The rain was cold but Haruna was warm and the combination of it made Shiki shiver involuntary.

" Okay let's go"

They started to run through the rain as fast as possible.
Shiki hated to rush about like that. His stamina had never been the best to begin with. It was also hard to keep up with Haruna who was taller than him and his lungs started to burn after only a few minutes, followed by the stitches in his side.

It was painful and exhausting but still Shiki felt somewhat relieved, refreshed and happy. Like a huge burden had been taken off his shoulders.

They arrived at the station in only seven minutes, hurriedly running inside.

" Oh jeez...let's never...do that...again" Hayato wheezed out.

Shiki tried to catch his breath, feeling like he was on the verge of passing out for real.

Haruna was the only one who didn't seem to be affected by their little exercise at all. Then again Shiki had felt how well built the other actually was so he was sure Haruna definitely worked out or something. No wonder he had such good stamina.

" I can't anymore-ssu" Shiki whined all out of breath, " and we still got wet anyway-ssu."

Shiki instinctively flinched when the jacket was draped over his head and Haruna drew closer into his space. So close Shiki could feel the other’s breath on his face.

Wait a second. What was happening? Shiki shut his eyes tightly. What? What? Wait what?

" You are kind of warm. Make sure you don't catch a fever alright?"

What?

Shiki blinked his eyes open, holding his breath when he was met with those beautiful green eyes again.
Haruna had connected their foreheads together with a smile.

It was a light and fleeting touch and only lasted for a few seconds before Haruna leaned up again but Shiki could still feel the redness tinting his cheeks.

What was happening here? Oh my god Shiki just totally didn’t imagine that something else might happen.
No he absolutely didn’t think that Haruna would do...do that.

Shiki was too shocked to answer. Of course Haruna only wanted to check his temperature. That was normal. Was it?
He kept staring at Haruna with wide eyes probably looking like some dumb gaping fish.

Shiki was only saved by a woman's voice through the speakers announcing for one of the trains to arrive now.

" That's our train. Better hurry before we miss it" Hayato hushed out, " thank you for today Shiki-kun. I hope we can see each other again. Come on Haruna"

" Right, thanks for coming with us. Next time let's do something that you enjoy, okay?"

Shiki nodded his head at Haruna's suggestion.

" Bye Harunacchi. Bye Hayatocchi-ssu."

With those words the other two turned around scurrying away in a hurry.

Shiki was left standing there. Still with Haruna's jacket over his head, still with a blush on his cheeks.
His fingers lightly touched over his forehead, his heart doing another funny flip.

What was that weird feeling inside of Shiki's chest...?

Chapter Text

Upon returning home the first thing Shiki did was kicking off his way too wet shoes with a sigh.

What a day it had been. It felt like so much had happened in a few hours.
Shiki managed to make two new friends all on his own.
His first real friends since middle school. It was almost hard to believe but Haruna had said so himself.

Shiki smiled, cuddling closer into Haruna's jacket he had put around his shoulders.
It was wet and smelled like rain but there was also another scent clinging to it.

Shiki recognized it instantly since he had smelled it not too long ago and although he was dripping wet and freezing Shiki felt so peaceful inside.
Why was Haruna's scent so calming to him?

A warm tingle shot all through his body and Shiki shivered, vehemently shaking his head.
Yet again he was thinking crazy things.

" Ugh...annoying…" he grumbled out as he brushed the jacket of his shoulders, " now I have to wash and dry it before returning-ssu"

He knew that no one was listening to his rambling but it was a good way to calm himself down as he stomped into the bathroom to put the piece of clothing into the washing machine.

Although Haruna had left the jacket in his care so he wouldn't get too wet in the rain, Shiki still was soaked to his bones.

He should take a warm shower and cuddle into his fluffy blankets before he catches a cold for sure. It sounded like a good plan.

Since the lights in the flat had been entirely turned off and it was awfully quiet, Shiki assumed that his roommate didn't return yet.
Hopefully that guy hasn't gotten himself into trouble again.

Ren sometimes had a really bad temper, picking fights with everyone way too easily and then it would be up to Shiki to care for his wounds again while listening to Ren complaining about how unfair the fight had been when it was his fault in the first place.

Not that Shiki minded much. Though Ren was too hot headed most of the time they had a rather close relationship, not only living together just because.

Shiki liked to think that they were friends though Ren would never admit that and things probably were much more complicated than that.

He decided to write a short message to the other before hopping into the shower and getting himself ready to hit the covers.

The day, as exciting as it was, had also been pretty exhausting and Shiki was glad to be able to retreat into his own room...

After showering and finishing his skin care Shiki changed into his Kumacchi pyjamas. Truly, it felt like heaven to finally flop into his own bed.

Shiki's room was small indeed but to him it felt super cozy.
The bed was littered with different kinds of pillows and blankets, mostly Kumacchi related.

Shiki smiled at the two large pink pillows shaped like the bear mascot's head before taking another look at his phone.

There was a message from Ren. So he ended up at Takeru's place because he once again challenged the other to video games and couldn't live with the fact of losing all the time.
It was typical for Ren but Shiki was glad that he was fine.

Shiki scrolled through his contacts, writing a short good night message to Haruna too before taking off his glasses and setting them onto his nightstand together with his phone.

He rolled onto his stomach, something fluffy and pink catching in the corner of his eyes.
Shiki reached his arm out to squeeze the soft paw of the Kumacchi plushie with two fingers.

Shiki clearly remembered the moment Haruna had won the soft toy for him at the arcade.
It has been sitting on his bed ever since, reminding Shiki of their first meeting.

Shiki carefully grabbed the plushie to bring it closer to his face, rubbing their noses together with a delightful smile before cuddling the Kumacchi against his chest.

Even with 21 he sometimes liked to sleep with a plushie in his arms.
Although other people might find that weird...

Ren actually had called him out on this habit more than once but when he was in the comfort of his own room and bed Shiki couldn't really care.

The exhaustion of this day slowly but surely washed over him and Shiki released a very big yawn, cuddling the plushie closer to his chest while drifting off to sleep.

Somehow he felt so much calmer than before…

~🎤~

It's been a month since their first meeting.
The end of June had come and soon it would be July , meaning the rainy season had started already.

One month passed by so fast and before he knew it Haruna had found a new friend.
Without noticing or realizing it Shiki became a part of his life. A part Haruna didn't want to miss anymore.

It was crazy how attached you could get to one person in such a short time but Shiki was just special in a way that Haruna couldn't explain yet.

They've been meeting up ever so often, most of the time together with Hayato, going out to have dinner, shopping, eating donuts, watching a movie and all that stuff friends would do.

Tonight was a bit different though.
Finally it was Shiki's time to decide what to do and of course the other boy had rented them a karaoke room.

Haruna didn't know a lot about Shiki but his love for singing wasn't a secret.
Sometimes Shiki would even randomly hum some melody but Haruna had never heard him actually sing a song before.

That would change tonight. Haruna tried to imagine what Shiki's singing would sound like but his mind couldn't really figure something out.
He wondered if the other was good at it.
Like he must be if he suggested going to karaoke, right?

Haruna arrived at their meeting point just in time.
This was actually a good thing about their friendship.
He always looked forward to seeing Shiki again so much that most of the time he managed to be punctual.

Haruna didn't understand what it was that made him so excited about their meetups but he guessed that they just clicked together so well that he didn't want to miss a minute of their time together.

Shiki was already there, together with Hayato, both of them talking excitedly about something.

Haruna was glad that his best friend had accepted Shiki so easily.
Then again how would anyone be able to not like Shiki with the way he smiled as soon as his eyes caught sight of Haruna.

" Harunacchi-ssu!" Shiki greeted him as enthusiastically as ever.

" Shiki, Hayato. How good to see you both."

One month wasn't such a long time but somehow Shiki had changed so much in those few weeks.
He wasn't the same guy Haruna had met back then.

It was like the closer they got the more Shiki was able to show his true brilliance and tonight, Haruna had to admit, he was sparkling more brightly than ever.

" Let's go inside-ssu. I swear it's totes amazing. I made sure to get the mega best room-ssu."

" You really are excited for this huh?" Hayato mentioned with a giggle " that makes me get all fired up too!"

Haruna nodded his head in agreement. Seeing both his friends this energetic and excited was a refreshing feeling after such a long week of university and he actually looked forward to spending some chill time together with them.

Shiki hadn't been lying when he said that he made sure to get the best room.
Haruna found the inside to be very cozy and nicely decorated, not feeling like it was just a karaoke room at all.

" So Shiki-kun, you really like to sing? It's amazing how I keep learning new stuff about you" Hayato mentioned while taking a sip of the drink he ordered beforehand.

" It's nothing special-ssu. I just always liked singing and so I went to karaoke in middle school a lot. It became like a hobby-ssu."

" I still think it's amazing just like the fact that you are working as a rental boyfriend. Can't believe you didn't tell me that when we first met. Like I'm so envious. It must be nice being able to go out with all kinds of cute girls" Hayato said, still sounding kind of offended that Shiki had kept that fact from him.

" Hmm you think? It's not all that amazing either-ssu. I mean it's not like it's a serious date and we have strict guidelines on what's allowed and what’s not-ssu.”

“ But it’s an interesting profession whatsoever though I think it would be kinda hard finding a real girlfriend with a job like that. If I was a girl I think I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to go out with other girls even if it’s just fake” Haruna joined in on their conversation.

“ Oh Haruna, the same hopeless romantic as ever. No wonder you never had a girlfriend to begin with. You know Shiki-kun there’s a lot of girls in university who’d like to go out with him but Haruna’s always like I just don’t feel that kind of special connection blabla. He’s gonna end up dying alone if he keeps that up” Hayato teased.

“ Look who’s talking if it isn’t Mister Virgin himself. I just don't wanna have this kind of shallow relationship. Yeah, it’s nice talking with those girls and stuff but none of them has that special something. I mean what’s the point in being together if you cannot connect on a deeper level?”

Oh wow.
Shiki would have never expected that Haruna had such a serious opinion when it came to relationships.
The girl who, one day might end up with him could consider herself to be very lucky because Shiki was sure that Haruna would devote himself to her a hundredth percent.
Being loved by Haruna, how nice that must be…

“ Hopeless like I said” Hayato sighed, “ Oh well I guess I’m gonna start with the singing tonight.”

Shiki felt like right now he had learned something very important about Haruna and it was almost impossible for him to concentrate on Hayato’s performance as his mind kept spinning, imagine what it would be like to have that kind of relationship with Haruna.

He hated the fact that his thoughts couldn’t shut up for one second and so he took a rather big sip of his drink.
It was tasting fruity and light, the coldness calming him down and helping him to refocus on the here and now.

It was surprising that Haruna and Hayato both weren’t all that bad at singing either and as soon as it was Shiki’s turn this really had started to feel like some sort of challenge to him.

Choosing a fitting song wasn’t hard and Shiki knew that both of his friends were looking at him in anticipation, waiting for him to start and hear what he was capable of.

Shiki closed his eyes, trying to blend out everything else and only concentrate on the music around him and his own voice flowing out of his mouth so easily.

Truly Shiki loved to sing because when he did it was like nothing else mattered in that moment.
Now it was just him and the song and for a few short minutes he could forget everything.
Even the painful memories faded away and time seemed to stand still.

Shiki always tried to put his heart into every song even if they weren’t his own and once he finished he carefully blinked his eyes open.

Haruna and Hayato were literally staring at him with large eyes and open mouths like they’ve just experienced something unbelievable.

“W-what?” Shiki asked shyly, trying to hide his embarrassment, " was it that bad or somethin'?"

Before he knew what was happening Hayato had already bolted up from the couch, practically jumping right into Shiki's face, making him shriek out in fear.

" AMAZING! Jun DEFINITELY needs to meet you!"

" Jun what? Who?" Shiki didn't understand.

" You see Hayato has this band at his university and Jun is one of the members" Haruna explained with a giggle

" And we've been searching for a vocalist since forever. I can already see it in front of me: you singing our songs. It's perfect!" Hayato was practically beaming.

" You think so? I always thought my voice was just average-ssu "

" It's not average at all. It's perfect! Oh, I know you need to join our practice at university tomorrow evening, pleeease."

" W-Well if you say so-ssu. I think I can try-ssu…" Shiki wasn't able to say no when Hayato looked so pleading.

" Perfect! I'll mail you all the details but now it's my turn again and I'm not gonna lose" Hayato said with determination, taking the microphone out of Shiki's hands to start with a new song.

To say that Shiki was baffled would have been an understatement.
He wasn't sure what had just happened as he flopped back onto the soft couch, right next to Haruna.

Singing in front of other people...him? At the university? Becoming part of a band?
Was this even real?

" Wow Shiki. You never told me that you could sing so beautifully. You really have a lot of secrets, don't you?" Haruna's voice shook Shiki out of his own thoughts and back into reality.

Instead of answering directly Shiki took his glass and smiled cheekily at the other.

" Oh you have no idea-ssu."

" Is that so?" Haruna asked intrigued. That almost sounded like a challenge and Haruna was definitely up for it, making sure to uncover all of those secrets one by one.

Shiki only shrugged his shoulders while taking a big sip of his drink.

" Oi take it easy with that stuff…" Haruna said.

" Yes, yes mom-ssu…" Shiki giggled, leaning against the other's shoulder.

Shiki wasn't sure what he would do if Haruna ever found out about him. What if he saw that side of him? The one Shiki tried so hard to hide and pretend like it didn't exist.
Could they still be friends then?

Haruna carefully leaned against him too, resting his chin on top of Shiki's head and Shiki hated himself for the fact that his heart did a weird flip because of it.

Shiki didn't want to think about all of this anymore.
He wasn't sure what would happen in the future but he knew that he didn't want to lose the friendship he had built with Hayato and Haruna.

Shiki would do anything possible to make sure that things would stay the way they were even if that meant to hide himself further…
Haruna snaked his arm around his waist and Shiki instinctively cuddled closer being so happy that Haruna didn’t seem to mind the physical contact at all but yet his heart felt torn between following his own wishes and the heavy expectations society held towards him.
Why couldn’t things be easier and why couldn’t he be normal although he tried so hard?
Shiki wasn’t sure if he would ever find the answers to that...

In the end they just spent hours singing, eating, drinking and talking all the while.
Haruna hadn't even noticed how fast time went by and suddenly dawn was already breaking.
It really was time to go home now but there was one problem…

" Man Shiki come on, it's time to get going…" Haruna tried to poke the other awake who had just decided to sleep cuddled up against his side for the past hour.

" Don't waaannaaa…" Shiki grumbled out more sleepy than anything, trying to snuggle closer into Haruna's warmth.

" Seems like in the end it still was one glass too much," Hayato giggled, leaning down to stroke some of Shiki's hair out of his face. " But surprisingly even in a state like that he still managed to break high score after high score. That’s so cool." Hayato looked amazed at the screen that displayed all their scores.

" Who knew he had such a special talent?" Haruna carefully cradled Shiki into his arms. " I'll get him home. Don't worry about it."

" Gentleman as always" Hayato snorted but he agreed with a nod of his head.

Shiki didn’t even catch half of their conversation anymore. The only thing he noticed was arms wrapping around him, pulling him up and he tried to complain but he was feeling so warm and safe that he couldn’t find the strength to voice his dismay and from this moment on his mind seemed to be going blank and everything went completely dark...

~☕~

Haruna hadn’t thought that something like this was possible as he watched a certain someone peacefully sleeping in his bed without a care in the world.
They only had returned around six in the morning and now it was almost 14 o’clock but Shiki seemed like he wanted to sleep forever.

After all, Haruna had no other choice but to take Shiki with him since back then he realized that he had no clue what Shiki’s address was.
There still were a lot of things Haruna didn't know yet…

Sure Shiki always seemed to be mega excited and hyped up, reminding Haruna of a small yapping Chihuahua that was desperate for attention, more than once but he was certain this wasn’t all.
There was more to Shiki than just this cheery overly expressive self.

One month had passed in the blink of an eye but yet Haruna knew close to nothing about the other.
Shiki seemed to avoid talking about himself, his family and past as much as possible.
Maybe there was a deeper reason behind all of this?

Haruna’s hand found it’s way into Shiki’s hair all on it’s own.
Why was the other keeping so many secrets? Weren’t they friends? Did it mean that Shiki didn’t trust him enough and why was he feeling so bothered by it?
Why was it that somehow he wanted to share such a special bond with the other?
Haruna didn’t understand himself anymore and his hand gently caressed through black hair.

Shiki’s hair was smooth and silky, unlike his own, and soft to the touch.
It also smelled really good.
Sweet like donuts but also fresh like cotton.
Haruna had noticed yesterday when the other had leaned against his shoulder and he wondered which shampoo Shiki did use?

Shiki was sleeping soundly and Haruna took the chance to take a closer look at the other’s face since he’d never seen Shiki without his glasses before.
Haruna had allowed himself the audacity to take them off for the other, so they wouldn't accidentally break while he was sleeping.

Even if Shiki’s eyes were closed now Haruna had a very vivid image of their deep turquoise color inside his head.
Shiki’s dark and long lashes only complimented his eyes' shape making them appear larger and even more sparkling.

Shiki stirred in his sleep cuddling closer into the pillow with a quiet grumble and Haruna almost couldn’t suppress the giggle that rumbled in his throat at the way Shiki’s small nose scrunched up for a few seconds before his features relaxed again.
Haruna questioned if Shiki was even aware of how cute he sometimes could be?

His hand moved from that silky black her down to the other’s cheek. Shiki’s skin was warm and soft, it’s light tone a contrast to those rosy, perfectly curved lips and black hair.
No wonder Shiki was pretty popular as a rental boyfriend. No one could argue about his beauty.

Haruna’s thumb lightly moved over one edge of Shiki’s lips. He wondered what they tasted like. Sweet or fruity? Or completely different?

Why was his stomach feeling so tingly all of a sudden? What was he thinking about?
Haruna swallowed hard, taking in a deep breath to find his composure again, sitting back up straight.

He was acting so weird all of a sudden. Haruna shook his head, trying to clear it from those funny thoughts, slowly retreating his own hand and not a second too late.
Shiki was stirring again, seeming like he would wake up any moment now.

Haruna had to smile as those turquoise eyes fluttered open.

“ Good Morning sleepyhead” he greeted.

Shiki needed a few seconds to even process being awake as his eyes flickered towards the other and then back again before they widened considerably, moving around rapidly as realization finally hit entirely.

“ What? Where?” Shiki’s voice still sounded raspy from just waking up but he was sitting up straight in milliseconds, looking at Haruna like he was a ghost.

“ My home. You were so out of it after karaoke that I volunteered to bring you home but then I realized that I have no idea where you even live so I brought you to my place instead and let you sleep in my bed since you seemed so done” Haruna explained, grabbing for Shiki’s glasses that he had placed on the nightstand and putting them on the other’s nose again. “ how are you feeling?”

“ I’m fine-ssu. My head just feels a little dull-ssu.”

“ See? That’s why I told you to be careful with that stuff. Those sweet drinks are traps. They seem to be light but they’ll actually get you drunk faster than you'd expect”

“ Thanks for the lesson mommy Harunacchi-ssu” Shiki answered sarcastically, rolling his eyes, “ but no really, thank you for taking care of me-ssu. I’m sorry that I inconvenienced you this much-ssu. You couldn’t even use your own bed. I deffo make it up to you-ssu.”

“ Don’t sweat it, that’s what friends are for, right? Using the futon once in a while isn’t so bad either. I also prepared breakfast if you are hungry and you can go take a shower. My home is your home or so they say. Though it’s just a student apartment so don’t expect too much.”

“ Harunacchi you really are too good hearted you know-ssu?

" You think? It's just common sense wanting to help your friends, you know? Wait here, I'll go and get you breakfast" Haruna stood up and left the room through a door which definitely led to the kitchen.

Shiki, now left alone, took the chance to look around further.
Truly what a nice room it was.
The walls were white but the windows were framed by light green curtains, giving the room a nice colorful touch.

One of the windows was right by the bed and as Shiki drew the curtains back to let some sunlight in he saw the windowsill and all the small plants Haruna had placed there.

So he liked not only taking care of his friends but plants too?

Shiki had to smile. Somehow this was fitting for someone like Haruna.

The rest of the room was cozy too with a fluffy carpet on the floor and a small kotatsu table in the middle of it.
There was also a sideboard with a small TV and other different shelfs with all kinds of things on them.

Shiki wondered who all those people in the pictures were. Harunas family? His friends? He was sure he could recognize Hayato as a teenager on one of them.

All in all it really was just your typical student apartment but Shiki already loved it here and he tried very hard to deny that it was because everything here smelled like Haruna.
That absolutely wasn't the case.

He grumbled annoyed hectical waving his hands above his head to get rid of those stupid thoughts.
What was wrong with him these days?
A month ago everything had been so normal, he had been so normal...

Now Haruna was turning his whole world upside down…
Shiki sighted and grabbed one of the donut shaped pillows from the bed, pressing it closer to his chest.

Of course it was smelling like Haruna too...everything here did.
Shiki couldn't help himself but to bury his nose in the pillow taking in a small but audible breath of air.

" What are you doing?" Haruna's giggling voice cut through the silence, making Shiki jump a bit.

" N-Nothing-ssu!" Shiki sputtered out trying hard not to immediately blush.
Oh God how embarrassing!
Since when had Haruna been standing there?
How much did he see?
Shiki didn't even notice him coming in again.
Oh no, Haruna must think that he's some weirdo, sniffing pillows and stuff.

But all Haruna did was to continue to smile, placing a tableau with a few dishes on the small table.

" You should really eat something. It'll make you feel better"

Shiki couldn't argue with that. His stomach was already reacting, grumbling, just from the smell of food alone.

He heaved himself out of bed on wobbly feet only now noticing that Haruna had taken the liberty to at least take his pants off for him, leaving him in his shirt and underwear.

Shiki tried not to think too much about this. It had been Haruna after all. The other would never think or do something weird.
Haruna was always nice and gentle, helping wherever he could and Shiki admired that about him the most.
He wondered if it even was possible for Haruna to get angry at all.

He sat down next to the other, onto one of the soft pillows that were placed around the small kotatsu table.

“ Can I really eat all that?” Shiki asked, looking at all the different dishes Haruna had prepared.
There was an egg with meat and toast, some rice and soup and even a salad.

“ Of course! You will need your energy for the band rehearsal”

“ Right. That was today-ssu. I still can’t believe I agreed to this-ssu. I’m feeling mega nervous now-ssu!” Shiki breathed out with a quivering voice.

“ Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you'll make it just fine. I don’t know Jun as well as Hayato but I do know that although he’s very strict he’s able to tell if someone’s talented and you definitely are. Shiki’s singing is so amazing I was truly shocked”

“ I don’t think my voice is all that special-ssu” Shiki murmured nibbling on his toast.

“ But it is. Just like you are so everything will be fine” Haruna said, sounding completely serious.

Shiki didn’t know what to answer. Did Haruna just call him special? He wasn’t able to hide the blush, creeping onto his cheeks anymore.
Why was this making him so happy?

He was sure that his heart would leap out of his chest as soon as Haruna wrapped his arms around him to give him a reassuring hug, burying his nose in Shiki’s black hair.
Shiki didn’t understand his own feelings anymore. What was Haruna doing to him?

Deep down Shiki knew that he shouldn’t allow this. Something like that...he couldn’t let it happen but when they were this close he was entirely unable to act or say something.
Instead he leaned his head against the other’s chest, secretly enjoying the contact and warmth while munching on his toast.
Shiki really hadn’t felt that content in years…

~🎵~

He hopped from one feet to the other nervously chewing on his bottom lip, one hand hovering about the doorknob.
Should he really enter?

Shiki still couldn’t believe that he was actually doing this. Inside of this room, Hayato was waiting for him, wanting him to sing in front of his bandmates.
Would he be able to do it?

A nervous wreck, that was all he was right now and Shiki wasn’t sure what he should do.
He could just leave but he had promised Hayato and he was already here. After all this room had been hard enough to find since Shiki didn’t expected the university to be that huge so leaving now would be downright stupid. He would also disappoint Hayato who took so much care of mailing him all the details and Shiki had also taken the time to return home and fresehen himself up so he would look presentable before coming here.
Leaving now would mean all those efforts were wasted.

Shiki had no other choice. Haruna had also promised to invite him to donuts if he did a good job. An opportunity to meet Haruna...Shiki couldn’t let that pass.
So he braced up, taking in a long, deep breath before sliding that door open.

“ Pardon my intrusion-ssu. My name is Iseya Shiki and I’m here to apply for the position of the vocalist-ssu!”

“ Shiki! You really came!” Hayato squealed out in delight and Shiki found himself in another hug.

“ Coursie! I promised after all-ssu.”

“ So that’s Shiki? Hayato told us that you would come” a boy that seemed to be around Shiki’s age with brown hair greeted him. “ I’m Fuyumi Jun and this is Sakaki Natsuki.”

“ Nice...to meet...you…” the other boy with light blue hair shyly greeted.

“ I’m pleased to meet you-ssu! I’m mega excited to have this opportunity-ssu! I’ll give my mega best not to disappoint you-ssu!”

“ What a loud character. Irritating”, Jun heaved a deep sight before continuing in a serious tone. “ True Hayato told us that you can sing. Though I doubt that but since you are here anyway I’ll let you listen to our song and then let’s see if you can keep up.”

Shiki nodded hectically and Hayato directed him towards a seat so he could watch and listen for now.
This was really exciting. Shiki had been to different Live Concerts before but being that close to people playing instruments in a room. That was something new for him.

Hayato also looked super cool with his guitar like he could be a real rockstar.
Shiki hadn't even heard any of their music at all but he was already amazed just by the visuals.

Hayato had told him beforehand that Jun was playing keyboard while Natsuki was their bassist and those instruments really fitted both of them.

" Are we ready?" Jun asked with that stoic tone of voice.

Hayato agreed with a cheerful "yaay!!" while Natsuki just lightly nodded his head.

Shiki was feeling anxious not knowing what to expect but when the first few tones hit his ears that uneasy emotion faded away making room for something else.

This was too good to be true.
What was Shiki experiencing right now?
He'd never heard music like this before. Something that went so deep into his heart, making him feel so hyped and excited. His eyes widened considerably.

All three of them were blessed with so much talent, not only in playing their respective instruments but also with their voices.
Could Shiki really sing alongside them? Would they accept him in the end?
He really wanted to. He wished so much for it.

So when the song ended Shiki didn’t even wait for Hayato to say something. Instead he instantly jumped out of his chair and right into Jun’s face.

“ SO HYPER AWESOME!! I WANNA SING! I WANNA SING FOR YOU TOO-SSU!!” he practically screamed making Jun stumbled back a bit.

“ A-All right..” Jun said, taken aback by the other’s excitement. “ if you can keep up that is. Those are the lyrics. You’ll be able to do it without us singing?”

“ For sure-ssu!” Shiki answered with determination, taking the sheet out of Jun’s hand, moving over to the last unattended microphone, while reading over the words.

He had to remind himself that this was just like karaoke. He’ll be able to do it and afterwards he could meet up with Haruna and tell him all about it.
Would the other be proud of him?
Shiki wanted Haruna to be, he wanted for him to smile and tell Shiki that he did a good job while patting his head.

“ Ready?” Hayato asked and Shiki fiercely nodded his head.

The music started to play and Shiki closed his eyes for a short few seconds, trying to take it in, concentrating on the feelings it initiated in him.
Yes he was able to do it. He’ll prove it to Jun. His hand clenched around the microphone.

Shiki opened his eyes and started to sing like he never did before.
Even Hayato seemed surprised by that sudden outburst.
Shiki was determined to do it.
He will join the band as the vocalist and he’ll work hard to achieve every goal they set.

The song ended almost as fast as it started and Shiki released the breath of air he didn’t know he was holding.
The whole room had gone completely silent, everyone was just staring at him.

Shiki felt the anxiousness returning. What were they thinking? Did he made it? Was he good enough?

Jun audible cleared his throat.

“ Well that wasn’t so bad...I mean for a person like you. A bit loud but I guess you have some talent. I’ll make you a trial member for now. Prove yourself good enough and you might be able to fully join one day.”

“ Isn’t that good? Welcome to HighxJoker Shiki-kun…”, Natsuki whispered out.

Shiki’s entire face suddenly lit up with sheer excitement and he released a squeaking, happy yelp.

“ Thank you for this opportunity-ssu! I promise I’ll work super mega hard from now on-ssu! I’m in your care senpais so let’s get along-ssu!” the words bubbled out of Shiki’s mouth faster than he could think and he did a deep, enthusiastic bow.

“ Shiki-kun…”, Hayato sniffled and before Shiki knew what was happening he was tackled into a hug with the other practically crying his eyes out. “ You made it!”

Shiki giggled happily, hugging Hayato right back. He really did it. Even if it was just as a trial member for now. It felt like he was floating on fluffy clouds. Like it was the first time in his life that he actually succeeded at something.
Shiki couldn’t believe it. He would work super mega hard from now on and become the best vocalist Japan has ever seen.

~🎵~

“ You did good, even better than at karaoke” Hayato said as they were walking through campus back to the station.

“ You think so? But Jun said I’m just a trial member for now-ssu”

“ It doesn’t matter. I’m sure with your talent he’ll soon make you an official. I still can’t believe it. We’re gonna be in the same band from now on” Hayato sounded both excited and delighted all at the same time.

“ Can’t believe it either-ssu. This feels too good to be true. I need to tell Harunacchi about it-ssu” Shiki answered with the biggest smile Hayato had ever seen.

“ Oooh right. How was it with Haruna this morning? He brought you to his place, didn’t he? I’m sure it was all exciting, right?” Hayato said with a suggestive undertone in his voice, leaning his head against Shiki’s shoulder.

“ W-What? D-Don’t say it like that-ssu! W-What are you t-thinking stupid H-Hayatocchi-ssu!” Shiki stammered out, his whole face turning a bright red.

“ Oi don’t blame me. Weren’t you two all snuggled up together yesterday night? Like a lovey dovey couple. Soooo cute!” Hayato teased.

“ No way in hell-ssu! Eww! Stop thinking weird stuff-ssu.” Shiki sounded downright offended.

“ Is it that weird? I mean if I was a girl I’d probably fall for Haruna too. I think I can understand why they are all swooning over him.”

“ That’s true-ssu. Harunacchi is always so kind and gentle and his smile is so warm it makes you feel at ease plus he’s also tall and strong. Every girl would fall for that-ssu.”

“ Is that so? Haruna will be so glad to hear it” Hayato giggled.

“ W-What?” Shiki didn’t understand what Hayato was hinting at but then it hit him. “ Wait, don't you dare tell him I said that-ssu!”

“ Oh look, I need to go there to reach my station. By, bye Shiki-kun. I’ll see you tomorrow” Hayato didn’t even react to Shiki’s threat and he just dashed off in the other direction with a delighted giggle.

“ HAYATOCCHI DON’T YOU DARE-SSU!” Shiki screamed after the other, his whole face suddenly feeling extremely hot.
Oh god he would die due to embarrassment if Haruna ever found out that Shiki was thinking about him like that.
Hayato wouldn’t tell him, right?

Shiki grabbed his phone in his pocket. There was one new message from Ren asking him if “his stupid ass” would be home for dinner which Shiki replied with a “for sure-ssu!”.
He knew that it was just Ren’s weird way of telling him that he cared and was worried so he didn’t feel offended by the other’s hurtful words anymore.

Shiki started to type another message.

“ I passed with flying colours-ssu!😸 Where are my donuts?🍩”

And sent. Shiki giggled happily, starting to hum the melody of the song he had sang for HighxJoker while he waited for Haruna’s reply.

It was unbelievable how happy he was just at the prospect of going to eat donuts together with Haruna.
Shiki hadn’t felt like that in a long while and though he knew that it was wrong and that he should stop this before it was too late he couldn’t help himself but to stupidly smile,
feeling like there were thousands of butterflies in his stomach.

“ Shiki-kun...is that you?” a voice suddenly asked from behind.

In an instant the giddy feeling inside of him was gone, replaced by an icy coldness.
He knew that voice. He would always recognize it amongst hundreds of others.
The sound of it alone made his heart quench so painfully in his chest, it felt like he was unable to breath.

Shiki didn’t want to turn around and face what he’s been avoiding for three whole years...

Chapter Text

~🌸6 years earlier🌸~

Spring had come faster than expected and with it a new part of his life.

The cherry blossoms were in full bloom now, turning the school's ground into a beautiful pink.

High School, Shiki had thought, would be different. 

After suffering through a very dull middle school life he swore to himself that he wouldn't waste his youth anymore.

Now Shiki had just turned 16 a few day's back but so far High School didn't seem any different from Middle School at all.

It was just the same uninteresting, shallow people and the same boring classes.
Nothing to be excited about.
So much for enjoying your youth to the fullest.

Shiki aimlessly wandered through the school's building more often than he liked, still hoping he would encounter something special.

He'd never been to this part of the building before but it didn't seem to be all that different from the rest. 

It probably was a wasted effort once again and Shiki sighted defeated but then his faith was about to change.

He definitely heard some music coming from the end of the corridor.

Was someone playing an instrument?
It sounded so beautiful, Shiki couldn’t help but to go and investigate.
Who was able to create such wonderful music?

He sneaked closer towards the room the melody was coming from and to his surprise the door was slid open just a crack, enough for Shiki to look through.

There was a boy seemingly around his own age and judging from his uniform also a student of this High School.

Shiki had never seen someone playing the violin so virtuously before.

Truth been told he had never encountered anyone who was able to handle this instrument like that boy did.

Such a soft but yet so fierce melody. Like only through his music...that guy was telling a story all on his own.
Was he a genius or something?

Maybe Shiki had finally found that special something he'd been looking for.

His eyes grew wider, sparkling with excitement and his heart skipped a few beats just from looking and listening, hands clutching onto the door.

He wanted to get closer, see and listen some more. 
This music was entranching him further and further.

To Shiki's luck or dismay, his clumsy self decided to help him out a bit as he leaned forward a tad too far. 
The door he'd been holding onto was sliding open completely.
It made Shiki lose his balance falling face first into the room with a yelp. 

It startled the other boy so much that he abruptly stopped his playing with a shriek, looking at Shiki in utter shock.

" W-What? W-who are you? What are you doing here?" 

Shiki lifted himself up on his knees in milliseconds, still with the same excited sparkle in his eyes.

Though that fall did hurt and probably would leave a bruise on his forehead, he couldn't care at that moment. 

" Your playing is so MEGA AMAZING-ssu!' Shiki blurted without even thinking. " I couldn't help but listen-ssu. Are you a genius or something-ssu?" 

The other boy stumbled back a bit as soon as Shiki practically jumped onto his feet and into his face, once again forgetting everything about private space.

" Oh right! I'm Iseya Shiki from class 1-B-ssu? Nice to meet you! You wanna eat some candy? Let’s be the bestest of friends-ssu!”

“ Uh...uhm..K-Kagura Rei...class 1-A…”

And just like that it was the beginning of their very unique friendship.

~💖~

Shiki never expected for their relationship to turn out like this because it was just too good to be true.
How a friendship like theirs when they both were so different from each other could lead to such a beautiful thing.

Then again wasn’t this what love was all about?
Seeing the wonderful things in one another besides all their differences and flaws. 

For Shiki, Rei was still as amazing and stunning as back then, when they first met in that small room. 

Someone like Rei just being his friend would have been enough already but he couldn’t believe that Rei would even consider reciprocating his feelings once he confessed but here they were.

The second year of High School had started a few weeks ago and for the first time in his life Shiki looked forward to it.

High School life was supposed to be all about enjoying your youth, doing unresonable, dumb stuff while you still can, dashing towards your goals with energy, reach for the sky above and fall in love for the very first time after all.

Though Shiki’s first love was a bit different from the others, he found that he couldn’t care less when it was like this.

It was a warm spring day and they had decided to just nap on a hill, surrounded by cherry blossom trees cuddled up together.
The grass underneath Shiki’s back was feeling so soft and everything was so calm, even Rei’s heartbeat as Shiki snuggled his head closer into the other’s chest.

“ I think I wanna stay like this forever-ssu” he dreamly whispered out playing with the fingers of Rei’s hand that was holding his own.

“ That’s not possible, class will start soon” Rei answered in all seriousness with that stoic voice of his.

Shiki had to giggle heartly at that. This was so typical of Rei but it was one of the many reasons why Shiki loved him so much.

Yes Shiki was truly head over heels, on cloud nine, madly in love, for the first time in his life and it was the best feeling.

“ I love you-ssu” he breathed out quietly.

There was silence for a long time before another shy but gentle voice whispered back.

“ Me too...I...I love...you too…”

Shiki didn’t know if it was possible to burst with happiness but if it was he’d be sure that this was what would happen to him right now. 

He wished that things would stay like this forever...

~💖~

But of course Shiki should have known back then that something like happiness didn’t last and that forever was just an empty word.

It all started at the end of second year. Shiki and Rei had always been careful not to display too much affection in school or public spaces, knowing all too well that their relationship wasn’t what other’s considered normal.

Yet they were always together, practically glued to each other every waking second and over time other students in their classes started to get suspicious.

Shiki was often cornered during lunch break, being interrogated like a criminal with questions that were too personal for his own taste, the same happening to Rei over and over.

People were curious of course, wanting to know if the rumors that spread were true. If he really was one of those, how they called it, “disgusting weirdos.”

All of a sudden his school life had become like a real horror movie but it turned even worse during their third year.
It just wasn’t those interrogative questions any more.

They both were bullied in all various ways. Being called all kinds of different slurs was just the most normal and harmless thing of it all. 

Shiki often found himself being a victim to physical abuse too, even if it was just people purposely running into him and making him fall in the hallway or people making him trip, forcefully shoving him aside so he would deliberately hurt his shoulder.
One day Shiki came to school even finding his desk being smeared with awful insults.

Worst of it all was that Rei had to suffer through all of this too.
Shiki couldn’t understand. What was so wrong about their love? Wasn’t it just the same as anyone else’s?
Why did it matter so much that they both were guys? Why did people expect them to date girls?

It was the most horrible time of Shiki’s life. When he entered High School and met Rei he thought that those three years would be the best to ever happen but in the end they turned out to be a nightmare.

It was okay though, after all they still had each other, they still loved each other and that was stronger than anything else in this world. They just needed to survive this year and everything would be over after graduating.

Shiki was only 18 and not sure about the direction his life would take but he knew very well that his love for Rei was deep and real and he wouldn’t let others take that away from him so easily.

Or so Shiki had thought but just when you believe that things are already worse enough it still gets harder.
As long as everything stayed in school Shiki could live with it although everyday was torture but of course all the rumors spread and they spread not only amongst theie classmates but also the teachers hearing about it and in the end it even affected their private lives.

Shiki remembered that night very well. It’s not like he wasn’t used to fighting with his parents but this time their quarrel was different.
Of course his parents wanted to know what was going on too and they were pressing him so much that in the end Shiki told them the truth.

He would never forget their faces after that and how furious they got at him and all he did back then was storming out into the night before receiving a call from Rei, who was in tears after having a huge fight with his mother too.

Shiki remembered them just spending a cold night out at the playground, hiding underneath a slide, snuggled up closely together to share some comfort and warmth.

It was at this time that Shiki started to realize that all of this wouldn’t end once they graduated.
Even in university they’d still be seen as different and disgusting.
People would continue to put obstacles in their way just because they loved each other. Because they weren't like anybody else...

He knew Rei wanted to attend the music university here in Aomori.
Becoming a world famous violinist had always been his dream, ever since he was little but what if their relationship continued?
What if people wouldn’t accept Rei, although he was incredibly talented and all of it would be Shiki’s fault?

What if people avoided him because they thought he was abnormal...what if his dream got ruined because of their feelings for each other?
Because Shiki was in love with him… 

Those thoughts wouldn’t leave Shiki’s mind for the next months to come, spiraling him down into a very deep and dark hole and though he pretended to be fine on the outside, inside of him chaos resided.

In the end Shiki made his decision. 

It was the most painful one he’d ever made but at that time it seemed to be the only right choice…

~💔~

The day of their graduation should have been a happy one but for Shiki it was a day full of heartbreak and hurt.

“ What?”

“ You heard me-ssu. I’m breaking up with you” Shiki repeated his last sentence trying to sound firm and serious but inside his heart was shattering.

 Only looking at Rei’s hurt expression after he said that made him feel sick in his stomach.

Shiki didn’t want to do this but there was no other choice. 
He couldn’t let Rei’s dream get ruined because he was being selfish.

Even if he loved him, he needed to let go, for the sake of Rei’s future but in the end the feelings he was experiencing right now were worse than any of the bullying from the past three years.
Shiki wanted to stay with the one he loved so much.

He really wanted there to be a forever but it wasn’t possible.

“ Shiki I don’t understand...why?”

“ B-because...I’m just...I can’t just take all of this anymore-ssu.”

“ But let’s...let’s talk about this...I’m sure we…”

“ No-ssu. Don’t ever come near me again, got it? Don’t even think about contacting me either-ssu. I have nothing more to say to you.”

With those last words Shiki had turned around, running off into the other direction. He couldn’t bear to look at Rei anymore after saying such ugly things to him.
His heart was breaking and he was aching so deep inside.
He didn’t want any of this but what else was he supposed to do?

After that incident Rei really stopped contacting him. 
Of course he would, he must have been so hurt and angry too.
All Shiki did was to hurdle himself up into his room for the next few months to come, not really going outside, barely eating anything and just drowning himself into his misery, sadness and depression.

September came but instead of visiting the university Shiki had applied to his future plans drastically changed.Not like he could disappoint his parents any more. 

So two months later he was moving out from his parent’s home and away from Aomori to Tokyo after having found that guy a.k.a Ren, searching for a roommate online and he started to work as a waiter in that small cafe owned by Kamiya-san.

Three years passed in the blink of an eye but Shiki could never forget, he could never move on from those feelings. He thought that he might never stop loving Rei…

So when he got offered that job at the rental girl and boyfriend agency he agreed in a heartbeat.
Maybe this was his chance to forget.
An opportunity to be cured and become normal again.
Even if it weren’t serious dates, going out with so many different girls, he was sure it would help him to change or that was what Shiki thought…

After three years he would finally be able to let go…

~⚡Flashback Ends⚡~

Never in a million years had Shiki thought that they would meet again like that.
He didn’t want to turn around but he had no other choice.

Shiki got called out so ignoring the other now would not only be awkward but plain rude also.
All those feelings he had tried so hard to forget now came crashing down on him again. 

Three years later and Rei still looked as stunning as ever, though he changed a bit, his hair now being tied into a small ponytail and he seemed to have grown in size.

“ So it’s really you...it’s been such a long time...how you’ve been doing?”

Shiki didn’t know what to answer. 
Why was Rei talking like he was just meeting an old friend and not his ex-boyfriend.
He sounded so calm, almost relieved.

Why of all places did Rei have to be here? Shouldn’t he be studying music at the university in Aomori? Far, far away from Shiki but now he was here in Tokyo all of a sudden.
What was this cruel fate of running into each other like that in an university campus this huge?

Shiki opened his mouth to form words but he was interrupted when another man approached Rei, casually leaning against the other’s shoulder like he wanted to just doze off.

“ Rei-san, what are you doing? Are you coming?”

Shiki wasn’t able to really tell the age of this guy by his looks but he was beautiful and stunning with his long blonde hair tied into a loose ponytail and shining green eyes, tall and slender figure.
Definitely someone suited to be with Rei.

“ Ah sorry Tsuzuki-san. I’ll be there in a second just let me…”, Rei carefully tried to poke the other awake with a giggle but in the end he gave up and wrapped his arms around the guy to let him nap on his shoulder.

So that’s how it was. Shiki understood now.
It was only natural after everything he had done to Rei. 
The way he had hurt him back then.
Of course Rei would move on one day. Shiki was the only one who was stuck in place.

At first Shiki had considered it to be rude to just turn around and run but now this was exactly what he did.
Running away...like he had done three years prior. 
Avoiding everything again, knowing that Rei wouldn’t be able to follow him with this guy hogging him all for himself, entirely ignoring the other calling after him.

Shiki kept running until he reached the station and barely jumped into the train before the doors closed, angering the people around him.
He couldn’t care less at this moment though as he tried hard to squint those tears out of his eyes.

Miserable was the best way to describe Shiki’s mood and feelings as he opened the front door to their shared apartment.

Ren greeted him with a “ Woah look who finally decided to show up again” but Shiki completely ignored him, only kicking off his shoes and letting his backpack drop from his shoulders before walking past the other and into his room.
He shut the door behind himself just flopping into bed, finally being able to silently cry into his pillow.

This was unfair. 
Shiki didn’t understand it. 
Life seemed to really hate him, wanting him to suffer over and over again.
He was so sure that he’d be able to overcome everything, especially now that he was part of a real band and made such good friends but in an instant he had been thrown back three years worth of time. 

Those old wounds that slowly seemed to heal were ripped open once more and Shiki wasn’t so sure if he would be able to seal them again.

He looked at the small picture standing framed on his nightstand. It showed him with Rei back then when they were so lucky, when the world was still perfect.
Shiki hated all of this so much. He wanted to scream, cry, punch something but instead he just used his hand to knock the frame over so the picture inside wasn't visible anymore.

Ren carefully knocked at his door.
“ Yo bastard are you alright? I prepared dinner. It’s gonna turn cold if you don’t eat now.”

“ I’m fine...I just...I’m tired...I wanna sleep, please. Just put the food in the refrigerator, I’ll eat later-ssu. Just leave me be-ssu” Shiki tried to sound as normal as possible to convince Ren.

“ Hmpfh...I mean..as you wish but don’t complain afterwards, got it?”

From his voice alone, Shiki knew that Ren wasn’t really convinced and worried but the other still stepped away from the door and Shiki released a relieved breath.

 He really just wanted to sleep forever. Forget everything that happened.
Shiki grabbed that small Kumacchi plush on his bed, pressing it as close to his chest as possible.

What would Haruna say if he knew about all this? Definitely he wouldn’t want to be friends with Shiki anymore.
Nobody would want to be friends with such a disgusting weirdo.

Shiki felt so exhausted and close to a headache coming on, he didn’t want to think anymore.
If only he could see Haruna right now…

Shiki couldn’t help but to imagine what it would be like if Haruna was here with him, hugging him so tight like he always did, his warmth and scent being so comforting that Shiki could forget all about those horrible things.

As he drifted off to sleep his mind was only filled with images of Haruna and his face.

All the plans he had for today were entirely forgotten...

~💤~

Besides sleeping the entire evening until the next morning, Shiki still felt so tired when waking up.
He knew that it still must’ve been early, the sun wasn’t even up yet.

Although Shiki felt not ready to get up at all, he still managed to heave his body out of bed.
Suddenly he felt so heavy and miserable like there was a huge stone on his shoulders.
At least he did not break his glasses during sleep. Something positive, right?

Did yesterday really happen? It felt like a beautiful dream that had turned into a nightmare all too soon.
This was probably Shiki’s damn luck, running into your ex-boyfriend like that. Such things normally only happened in stupid movies.

What was Shiki supposed to do now? If Rei was at that university could he really stay in Hayato’s band?
What if he ran into the other again? Although it was a huge campus and chances were slim…
Shiki didn’t know anymore…

He proceeded into the kitchen just to be greeted by Ren already waiting for him at the small kitchen table.
That was unusual. 

Ren normally liked to sleep in so seeing him awake at such an hour startled Shiki a bit.
Suddenly he was feeling pretty guilty, this was definitely his fault.

Ren would never admit it but he’d probably been worried about Shiki all night long, the feeling robbing him of his so beloved sleep and all Shiki did was to tell him to go away.

“ Sit.” Ren simply said, “ I prepared breakfast, you gotta eat something after rejecting dinner last evening, you moron.”

Shiki did as he was told, sitting down on the empty chair.
“ Rencchi...I’m...I’m sorry-ssu…”

“ Hah? What are you talking about? I was just up early today that’s all. Whatever!....Are you fine now?”

“ I-I guess so-ssu…”

“ Then eat before you literally turn into skin and bones, dumbass...but..but..you know...if you...ever wanna like...talk…”

Shiki had to smile warmly at that.
“ Thanks Rencchi-ssu. I’m sorry I worried you-ssu.”

“ S-s-s-s-s-shut up! Worried? Like if I care, bah…just eat already!” With that said, Ren sprung up from his chair to stomp out of the kitchen after getting called out on his behavior.

Shiki had to giggle. It was so typical of his roommate to get embarrassed because of a situation like that.
He was so glad they were friends.
All in all Shiki could be happy that he had so many good friends now.

The food Ren prepared was very delicious indeed but compared to Haruna’s….wait Haruna….?

Shiki almost choked on the piece of bacon in his mouth as he remembered that they were supposed to meet up yesterday after rehearsal.
In his frenzy state of mind he completely forgot!

This was bad! Where was his phone? Ah backpack, right!
Shiki was out of his own chair in milliseconds storming into the entrance hall to search for his phone.
As expected there were a dozen missed calls and messages from Haruna.

Oh God, Shiki was such an idiot!
How could he leave the other hanging like that? Shiki needed to be awarded as “Worst Friend Ever”.
Haruna must be so mad at him right now.
Damn it all!

Shiki hastily scrolled through all the messages, swiftly writing a reply apologizing at least a dozen times, trying to explain the situation, hoping that Haruna would forgive him once he read it.

To Shiki’s surprise he didn’t wait for an answer too long. So Haruna was awake already?
He opened the message up, his heart nervously pounding in his chest, expecting to get scolded.

“ It’s fine. I was a bit worried though but I’m glad you are alright⭐. Let’s meet up at 13:00. same donut place, kay?🍩”

Shiki released the breath he was holding, pressing his phone to his chest. The heavy feeling he’d been enduring since waking up suddenly appeared to be much lighter.
Really Haruna was too good for this world.
Could a guy like him even be real? Maybe Shiki was still caught in a dream?

He replied  hurriedly before checking the rest of his messages. There was one from Hayato informing him about the next band practice and one from his agency.

Oh so he got booked for tonight?
Shiki opened up the message to read the further details.
Right, he still had work to do.

Rei here or Rei there, he shouldn’t dwell on it for too long. Their meeting was just an accident that would never ever happen again.
If Shiki wanted to move on he needed to focus on his work.

Yes, no time to be down and gloomy.
He lightly slapped his own cheeks. It was time to get things done properly!

~🍩~

When he arrived at the donut shop later, Shiki could already see Haruna waiting there for him and relief washed over his body when the other smiled and waved.

Shiki knew that it was a bad idea but he couldn’t stop his urges as he dashed forward, literally throwing himself into Haruna’s arms.

“ Harunacchi! I’m so glad to see you-ssu! You have no idea-ssu!” Shiki blurted out, cuddling into the other’s shoulder.

Haruna was taken off guard at first not knowing how to react to this and he looked down at Shiki with wide, shocked green eyes but after a few seconds his features softened and his lips twitched up into a gentle smile.

“ Wow, what did I do to deserve such an affectionate greeting? But...likewise” Haruna whispered back, wrapping his arms tightly around the other’s slender frame.

Shiki instantly was comforted by Haruna’s warmth alone and god he wished they could stay like this forever but he also knew that people would think it was awkward if they hugged each other for too long and so besides not wanting to he needed to let go after some time. 

He was still beaming up at the other though and Haruna was smiling back just as brightly.

“ I’m really happy you are alright,” Haruna said, carefully stroking some of Shiki’s hair out of his face.

Shiki’s heart, supposedly broken into pieces, still did an excited flip at the gesture. What was wrong with him? This shouldn’t be happening.

“ I’m sorry-ssu. I didn’t want to worry Harunacchi-ssu…”

“ Oi it’s alright. Things like that happen. You don’t have any idea how often I managed to just doze off in the evening because everything has been so exhausting” Haruna patted the other’s head. “ Let's go inside. You can choose anything you want today. It’s my treat.”

“ W-What? But I can pay for myself-ssu” Shiki tried to argue.

“ Don’t worry about it. I mean there’s something we need to celebrate after all. You really made it into the band so I have to congratulate you accordingly. I also promised to invite you if you suceed though with your talent it's no surprise. Not even Jun could say no to that. Shiki is truly amazing.”

Shiki tried not to feel all too happy about that comment but he was sure his cheeks were tinted a nice shade of pink.

“ A-Alrighty if it’s like that...I wanna...I wanna have the strawberry milkshake with extra cream and sprinkles and a cherry on top also the vanilla filled raspberry glazed donut and the nougat filled apple glazed one both in…”

“ Kumacchi form, right?” Haruna finished Shiki’s sentence with a giggle. “ got it. Everything for you.”

To be honest Haruna was glad that he found a friend who seemed to love going out for donuts with him day after day. 

At least Shiki looked like he enjoyed it as he took a big bite out of his donut, mumbling how good it tasted.

Getting donuts everyday was just one of Haruna’s daily habits or more like a ritual and most people found it to be pretty weird, not being able to keep up with it but not so Shiki.
He never complained like Hayato and he always ate a bunch of donuts too.

Haruna loved to just sit there and watch Shiki enjoying his food. He looked so content and cute when biting into the fluffy pastry. Sometimes Haruna had a hard time suppressing his squeal. 
Especially when they other managed to get some nougat on the tip of his nose, squinting his eyes while he tried to rub it away with a napkin.

Shiki truly was like a small, cute puppy you just wanted to hold and cuddle all the while and he couldn’t help but imagine the other with fluffy black dog ears and an equally fluffy tail, excitedly wagging back and forth.
What a perfect image. 

" Those are so delicious-ssu but they're so filling. This is bad. I have work after this-ssu. The girl wanted to visit a cafe too. I'm gonna be so full after all of this-ssu." 

" Oohh a date? So that's why you are all dressed up. Shame and here I thought you polished yourself up just for me. How disappointing…" Haruna said teasingly, clearly enjoying how Shiki's cheeks turned red and he almost choked on his milkshake.

Haruna knew that it was mean but he couldn't help wanting to mess with Shiki a little bit.

" W-w-what? S-s-stupid Harunacchi as if-ssu!" 

" Aahhh sooo mean. Breaks my heart!" Haruna exclaimed over dramatically.

Shiki grumbled into his non-existent beard, taking another huge bite from his donut, almost swallowing the whole thing.
Haruna giggled amused.

" Oh well I hope it's a cute girl at least."

" How would I know? I never get pictures of the customers but the info said that she likes Kumacchi so I guess it will be a breeze-ssu." 

" Sounds like the perfect girlfriend for you."

" Stupid Harunacchi, what are you talking about? It's just work-ssu. Besides I don't think any girl would ever look at me like that-ssu. I'm not all that special-ssu." 

Shiki almost flinched back when two hands suddenly touched his cheeks and forced him to look at the other.
Haruna's soft green eyes had turned all serious.

" That's not true at all. Shiki you are all kinds of amazing and special" Haruna's words sounded so genuine like he was saying them without a doubt. 

Shiki swallowed hard, trying to get rid of that lump in his throat but he was sure that his eyes still must look watery.

What was he feeling? Why was it that he seemed so moved by those words? His heart was drumming against his chest, the sound echoing in his own ears. Even his belly was feeling so pleasantly warm all of a sudden.

Shiki was damn sure that if there hadn't been a table between them he would have thrown himself into Haruna's arms right there again.

Why was it that just looking at Haruna made him forget all about yesterday, his heart seeming to stop aching for Rei all at once.

Shiki wanted to be closer. If Haruna would hold him all day long, how nice would that be…
So gentle and warm...but it shouldn't, it couldn't happen.
It wasn't what was normal. People expected something different from them.
Wishing for a thing like that...it was no good, weird...even disgusting.

Shiki felt like he was losing control of his own emotions.

" Like I mean you get booked so often, I'm sure every girl would be glad to be with someone like you."

Of course that's how it was. Shiki couldn't even blame Haruna for saying that, he was right after all.
It was how things were supposed to be.
Shiki couldn't argue with that but he still moved his head back so Haruna had to let go of his cheeks.

" Whatever you say-ssu" Shiki mumbled his eyes focusing down on his leftover donut. " Maybe one day-ssu." 

Shiki hated that sour feeling seething in his guts.
What was he getting so upset about? Haruna had done nothing wrong after all. 
It was just what people expected from him. Fall in love with a girl, get a girlfriend, be happy.

Shiki tried hard, really hard..but...it wasn't as easy as that. He was so sick of people telling him that over and over again.

Normally he would have dragged this out for as long as he could but right now Shiki just wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.

He practically wolfed down the rest of his food and drink all under the watch of Haruna before announcing that it was time to go now. 

Haruna seemed to be a bit irritated by the sudden change in his behaviour but he agreed anyway and they left the place together after paying for the food. 

" Well...I guess...I see you around. Good luck with work and stuff" 

Shiki felt pretty bad hearing Haruna's voice sounding so uncertain and distant.

The other probably thought that he said or did something wrong but wasn't quite sure what exactly.

It was stupid of Shiki to behave like a rotten brat…

Haruna wanted to turn around to leave but before he could make a step, Shiki reacted by grabbing the hem of his shirt, focusing Haruna's attention back onto him.

"Shiki?" Haruna looked at the smaller boy whose eyes were casted to the ground. 

" It's...I'm…" Shiki swallowed hard looking up at Haruna again. " Thanksie for inviting me out today-ssu. That made me really happy. Also thanks for being my friend Harunacchi-ssu." 

Gosh Haruna almost couldn't believe it.

Shiki's small hand clutching his shirt was shaking but his eyes were as sparkling as ever.
Haruna loved their deep turquoise colour and he wouldn't mind drowning in them for hours.

" Same. Thank you for being my friend too Shiki."

Shiki's eyes widened considerably and he took in a sharp breath when warm lips pressed against his forehead.
The touch was just fleeting but Shiki was sure he must be dreaming.
A warm hand stroked through his black hair.

" Honestly you are too cute sometimes…" Haruna whispered before turning around and leaving for real this time.

He played it cool but as soon as he was out of Shiki's sight Haruna could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks.
What had he done just now?

Which devil had ridden him to act in such a way?
Shiki might have funny ideas now.
Something definitely was wrong with him.

Haruna felt like he wasn't able to understand himself anymore...

As he walked on, his eyes settled on some cute couples here and there and he thought to himself that maybe getting a girlfriend wasn't that bad of an idea.

Shiki was left standing too shocked to move.
He tried to process what just happened.
Did Haruna really kiss his forehead right now? 
Could he be sure this wasn't a dream?

His hand travelled up to the place Haruna just touched with his lips. 
It had been such a soft touch and Shiki could still feel it linger.

Haruna did call him cute also. What was that about?

Shiki released the breath he was holding, his other hand touching his chest, right where his heart was supposed to be.

Although yesterday had been such a mess and his heart had been broken into another thousand pieces after meeting Rei again, he could swear that it was still beating madly right now.

Shiki had tried so hard to fix himself and to be normal, trying to hide this side of him but now he was feeling like his heart was mending again being pulled into a certain direction.

And while Haruna appeared to be confused by all of this, Shiki seemed to finally understand what those feelings inside of him meant...

Chapter Text

Shiki didn't know how he ended up like this but he was sure that he had never felt so warm and comfortable before.

Definitely, Haruna's hugs were special in their own way..
Shiki still wasn't sure how they came to sit on that bench, in a park he didn't recognize but who cares when they were as close as this.

Carefully he looked up, locking eyes with the other and it felt like magic was happening between them.

Shiki couldn't believe this. It was too good to be true.
He felt both so nervous and happy at the same time as soon as Haruna leaned in further, bringing their faces and thus their lips closer together.

Shiki was sure his heart would beat out of his chest any moment now, his whole body trembled when a hand gently caressed his cheek.

" H-Haru..na...cchi…" he whispered, his voice almost too shrill to his own ears.

What was happening here? Were they about to kiss? Shiki wanted it so badly and besides being nervous, his shaking hands clutched into the other's shirt.

Haruna opened his mouth to say something.
Would he confess now?

Shiki might just die of happiness but then all that came out from Haruna's mouth was the Kumacchi theme song.

What? Shiki was completely taken aback, leaning away from the other with confusion all written over his face.

The world around him was blurring, disappearing slowly.

" Harunacchi...wait...I have to tell you something-ssu!"

It was too late...

~🌙~

The next thing Shiki knew was him blinking his eyes open and looking around disoriented.
Wait...this was his room.
It had been a dream….

Shiki tried to lift himself up to put out his phone's alarm, happily vibrating and blasting the Kumacchi theme song but he found himself entangled in his own blanket, hugging his Kumacchi plush to his chest.

The ground underneath him felt pretty hard so this must be the floor.
Shiki wasn't even surprised.
Falling out of bed during the night was pretty normal for him though his back didn't like it that much.

Shiki tried his best to get rid of his blanket, struggling with kicking it off his feet.
Darn his alarm for waking him up in the middle of such a beautiful dream.

He finally lifted himself up into a sitting position, ready to get his phone but before he could the door was bursted open.

" Turn that shitty song off before I kill you!" Ren blurted out, sounding more annoyed than anything.

" Good Morning to you to Rencchi-ssu…" Shiki crawled to his nightstand on all fours, lifting his arm so his hand could grab his phone from the surface and finally turn his alarm off.

" Good? What is good this morning after getting woken up by such a shitty song. It's too early to be awake. You are like the most annoying roommate ever!" Ren turned around stomping out of the room visibly fuming.

Not that Shiki minded or felt hurt by Ren's harsh words.
The other probably had to work until very late yesterday and now he was just grumpy due to the lack of sleep.
After three years Ren's temper tantrums had become an everyday normal in Shiki's life.

Today was another busy day full of band practice and Shiki had decided to get up early. If he was late again Jun would probably make his head roll for real this time.

In the end it had turned out that the rehearsal room at the university was just for special occasions and band meetings so Shiki was saved from running into Rei again for now.

It would have been hard to explain himself to Hayato and why he couldn't stay in the band especially since the other was so happy that he joined.

Shiki also enjoyed this new experience way too much to just go and give up on it that easily.

His life suddenly had become very busy and he hadn't been able to see Haruna in two weeks. Though they had kept in contact through chats and stuff.
Maybe this was the reason for those weird dreams lately.

Shiki blushed thinking about what had just happened in his sleep.
Dreams...that was all they were.
Haruna kissing him...something like that wouldn't happen in reality.

There was no time to dwell on this any longer. Shiki needed to get ready, though he felt like he could sleep for a few more hours.

After the band practice he would have to go to work again.
It was hard balancing the band and his job as a rental boyfriend but Shiki managed somehow.
Besides, it was the same girl from last time. The one that also liked Kumacchi so much.
She'd been very nice and easy going so Shiki was sure this date would be a relaxing one as well.

His phone vibrated, signalling that a message had arrived and Shiki smiled as he read over the few words Haruna had sent him, wishing him a good morning.

Oh how Shiki wanted to see him right now….

~🎸~

Maybe in the end it was better after all. If Shiki kept himself busy enough throughout the day he wouldn't be able to think too much.

He really wanted to see Haruna but on the other hand, keeping his distance might help with those strange feelings Shiki was harbouring inside. He couldn't let himself fall any deeper than this.
It would only cause problems in the end.

The music of the instruments faded and so did Shiki's voice as he slowly blinked his eyes open.

" Well that wasn't half bad...I guess it's enough for today" Jun commented in his strict tone of voice.

Shiki stepped away from the microphone, turning around to smile sheepishly at the keyboarder.

" Woah Juncchi that almost sounded like a compliment-ssu."

" Bah, as if!" Jun snorted annoyed.

" A-Anyways" Hayato interrupted their conversation. " There's something I wanted to show you."

The other three band members watched with questioning gazes as Hayato rummaged through in his bag, pulling out a flyer and presenting it towards his friend with a " Tadah!" kind of sound.

" Huh...summer….festival…?" Natsuki said, letting his head fall to one side.

" Right at the end of this month. There will be games and food stalls, you can also buy stuff, and there'll be a huge fireworks display. I thought it would be nice doing something like that as a band."

" I refuse" was Jun's immediate answer, wiping the smile right off Hayato's face. " Too many people, too loud."

" But Juncchi, Hayatocchi is right-ssu. It will be mega fun being together with everyone-ssu" Shiki interjected trying to do his best puppy eyes.

" I said no…"

"Pleaaaaassseeeee" now Hayato was going for the same tactic and suddenly Jun was confronted with two pairs of puppy eyes, staring at him so pleadingly.

The keyboardist let out an annoyed breath of air before agreeing with a small nod of his head, resulting in Shiki and Hayato both letting out a happy squeal and hugging each other.

Jun just shook his head while Natsuki released a small giggle.
Maybe a summer festival wasn't such a bad idea…

~🎆~

Haruna's last two weeks had been a huge rollercoaster but now everything seemed to be sailing smoothly.

It was a shame Shiki had been too busy to meet up with him even once but on the other hand it had been a good opportunity for Haruna to clear his head and get things done…

Which didn't mean that he wasn't missing the other...because he did...he really did...but ever since their meeting at the donut shop Haruna had felt all sorts of weird.

It was like he didn't understand himself or his feelings anymore and he was annoyed by it.
So getting some distance between him and Shiki maybe wasn't such a bad thing.

Two weeks went by and things had changed drastically.

Haruna had never thought he would go as far as that and in such a short span of time but here he was.

Haruna looked at the other side of the road where a girl was standing waiting for the light to turn green.
She smiled and waved at him and Haruna waved back smiling just as brightly.

He should tell Hayato and Shiki about this. They were his best friends after all and deserved to know about such a huge event in his life but yet he hesitated.

Why? Haruna was sure they both would be happy for him. Wouldn't they?
They were his friends after all.
Yes, Shiki was his friend. Nothing more and nothing less.
Haruna tried to tell himself that over and over but deep inside he wasn't so convinced anymore...

~💚~

To say that Shiki was excited was a complete understatement.

Even Hayato could feel how nervous Shiki was, hopping from one foot to the other.
The guitarist couldn't quite understand why that was though.

Two and a half weeks without seeing each other.
For Shiki it had felt like an eternity and the wait was driving him insane.

All three of them had decided to meet at the station after Haruna had told them via chat that he had some exciting news to share.

Shiki wondered what news that could be if Haruna wasn't able to just tell them via phone.
Thinking about it made his anxiousness rise to another level.
It wouldn't be something bad, right?

" Shiki, Hayato...so good to see you"

The voice behind them made Shiki's lips twitch into a smile and he whirled around excitedly.

" Haru…" but the words got stuck in Shiki's throat as soon as he saw the other person on Haruna's side.
Who was that again?

" So these are Shiki and Hayato?" the girl giggled excitedly. " Haruna told me so much about you. I'm glad we are finally able to meet."

" I...I mean likewise but...eh what?" Hayato stammered out.

Shiki often acted like an oblivious idiot who ate too much sugar but he was actually not all that dim witted and pretty good at quickly analyzing situations.

Like the way Haruna's and that girl's hands were intertwined already stated the obvious.
Oh….oh…

" Well Hayato, Shiki...this is Meiko...and yeah…" Haruna tried to explain the situation by presenting them with their hands.
Shiki had already noticed and now Hayato was finally catching on too.

" Wow Haruna. I leave you alone for two weeks and that's what you do? But I guess congratulations. This is exciting news!" Hayato said with the biggest smile on his face.

So that's how it was then? A girlfriend out of the blue. What was that supposed to mean?
After Haruna had talked about relationships so seriously.
This made no sense at all…

Shiki couldn't even explain the flurry of emotions, storming through him at that news.

" Shiki?" Haruna asked, sounding at least a bit worried after the other had stayed quiet for so long, hiding his eyes behind his hair, head turned down.

" That's.." Shiki started his sentence, picking his head up and looking at the two with sparkles in his eyes and a smile to match. " mega max amazing-ssu! I'm sooo hyper happy for you two-ssu! I wanna know everything! Let's visit the cafe and celebrate-ssu!"

Well that didn't go how Haruna had expected it to…
Wasn't this reaction kinda strange? Even for someone like Shiki.
But wait...how did he imagine the other would react to this news?

They were friends so wasn't it normal for Shiki to be happy about Haruna finding love?
Why had Haruna imagined the other to be more shocked about this?

He couldn't quite figure out the answer to that, the thought not leaving his mind as they walked to the cafe Shiki had mentioned.

Shiki acted completely normal the whole time even talking to Meiko like he already considered her a friend giving recommendations on what to order.

Of course with his job Shiki probably was a natural at chatting with girls but Haruna couldn't fail to notice that something still was strange about the other.

Sure Shiki was always excited and loud but this time it seemed to be just a tick too much even for someone like him.

Haruna had often considered that maybe Shiki's energetic behavior was just a way of hiding something deep inside of him but what was he trying to hide right now?

The whole atmosphere kinda felt wrong but Haruna tried his best to ignore it and instead focused on answering all of Hayato's questions about how he and Meiko met.

The girl had always wanted to date Haruna ever since she enrolled in university but Haruna had always refused well up until now...

Shiki wondered what it was that made Haruna say yes this time. Haruna who was so serious about relationships…

" But really that's enough about the two of us. Haruna told me that you are in a band together. That must be so cool" Meiko said with enthusiasm.

" Yes, yes we are like real soulmates" Hayato announced, dramatically throwing his arms around Shiki and rubbing their cheeks together. " Whatever I would do without brilliant Shiki here."

" Soulmates? Hayatocchi soo dramatic-ssu." Shiki giggled. " Brilliant? Me? Well Hayatocchi must totes be amazing then-ssu."

Hayato sniffled quietly and Shiki expected him to break out in tears but instead the other just smiled.

" Honestly I never thought you would say that about me. I assumed Shiki-kun liked Haruna more after all you recently said tha- mfrgnrg!"

Hayato's words were interrupted as Shiki with his bare hands shoved almost the whole piece of shortcake into his mouth, not caring that he nearly choked his best friend.

Shiki's face rivaled a tomato as he glared at Hayato like he wanted to murder him straight away and Haruna had to wonder what that was about.

Shiki really was behaving more weird than ever today.

" Oh lookie at the time Hayatocchi-ssu. I'm sorry but we gotta go. Can't miss band practice or Juncchi will murder us-ssu. I'll pay the bill this time-ssu. So don't cha worry about it Harunacchi. It was very nice meeting Meiko-chan also-ssu."

Shiki blurted the words out so hastily it was hard for both Haruna and Meiko to catch on about what was going on.

Hayato tried to say something but his mouth was still stuffed with cake as he was pulled out of his chair rather harshly, Shiki dragging him along like a puppet.

" I'm sorry about that…" Haruna said as he watched Shiki stomping out of the cafe with Hayato. " I swear they are actually normal."

" It's fine. They really are some funny fellas", Meiko said, smiling, leaning against her boyfriend, " and such a cute couple."

Now it was Haruna's turn to choke on his drink.
What? Couple? Wait a second…

" I-I think you are misund-" Haruna tried to explain after recovering from his coughing fit but Meiko just kept on talking.

" Call it female intuition or whatever but I swear I could feel something really special between them. Like a deep connection. I mean they are in the same band so it must be true when they say music connects you on a deeper level. You must be blind to not see the romantic tension between them."

What? No, that was impossible.
Shiki and Hayato...in love? A couple? Such a bad joke.

Like yeah he remembered Hayato once telling him in a not so sober state of mind, that he wouldn't mind dating a guy if the chemistry was right but Shiki?
Even if it was true...they would tell him right?

Shiki with Hayato...just imagining that didn't sit right with Haruna.
What was it that he was feeling exactly...when he thought about his two best friends being in a relationship like that.
It couldn't be, right?

~⚡~

" Shiki, wait!" Hayato pleaded after finally being able to swallow down the piece of cake but still getting dragged around by the other.

Shiki stopped in his tracks at those words, not turning around towards Hayato yet.

" Shiki, are you alright?" Hayato asked, worried as the other let his head sink low.

" Coursie I am…" Shiki answered turning around to look at his friend. " Why wouldn't I be?"

" Because you basically just lied to Haruna. There is no band practice today…"

" And you almost spilled what I told you about Haruna. That's so mean Hayatocchi-ssu" Shiki spat out making the other flinch.

Even if Shiki pretended like he was fine, Hayato could see that something inside those turquoise eyes had changed.

" I'm sorry. I was just so happy that you think of me like that I totally forgot" Hayato admitted with a blush. " Ne, ne how about a movie night with lots of snacks to make it up to you? I'll buy the snacks. Is your place fine?"

" Seems good enough for me. I don't think Rencchi will mind-ssu"

So they settled on a time before saying their goodbyes to return home.

Shiki should be happy. Really, that was good news.
Haruna had found someone he loved and cherished even if it all went pretty fast and unexpected.

She was a nice and normal girl. Polite and cute, someone perfectly fitted to be with Haruna.
That's how things were supposed to be after all.

He should really be happy for his friend but yet Shiki wasn't feeling it.
Inside of him it felt like there suddenly was a big empty hole and his heart quenched painfully.

Why was he feeling like that?
Shiki had known long before that this was how things would end.
It was real life after all and not one of his stupid dreams.

He hated himself for the fact that he couldn't stop all of this, that he couldn't be normal and let his emotions take the better of him.
Shiki should have learned his lesson three years ago but it seemed like he didn't suffer enough already for his heart to take the hint.

Shiki wished he could be genuinely happy for Haruna but no matter how hard he tried to deny it, he needed to face the truth here…
...

He was in love with Haruna, although so many things had happened in the past, Shiki still couldn't stop those feelings from developing further and further.

Yes, he knew that he never stood a chance anyways but still Shiki couldn't feel happy.
He was sad, angry, jealous even, envying the girl at Haruna's side.

It were such ugly emotions that Shiki, once he returned home, was glad that Ren wasn't here to see him burst out into tears as soon as he closed the front door.
The other would have worried about him yet again.

All Shiki did was sliding down that front door, drawing his knees to his chest and bawling his eyes out like a little child.
Maybe just letting it out this once would help to get rid of those ugly feelings.

Shiki might be able to live on and pretend that he wasn't stuck in an endless loop of despair.

~🍢~

" Say, isn't this a bit much?" Ren asked his roommate and friend who was twirling in front of a mirror, looking himself over.

" Why? It's a summer festival and it's just a Yukata. The whole band decided to wear one-ssu" Shiki answered, putting his glasses back on his nose.

The day of the festival had arrived already. For Shiki it seemed like the weeks had just flown away.

He tried his best to keep himself busy with the band and his job, accepting as many date offers as possible.

Shiki's meetings with Haruna had also become a rare occurrence with him always finding new excuses as to why he didn't have any time to meet the other.

It wasn't like he didn't want to see Haruna but Shiki figured that Haruna was too occupied with his girlfriend anyways and seeing them together…

It was hard for Shiki. He tried to be happy for them but all those other emotions still wouldn't go away.

Although Meiko was always cheerful and even gave him Kumacchi candy once, honestly Shiki actually kinda liked her.
He felt like a stubborn child.

Shiki was in love with Haruna so he should be happy for the other but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

" Whatever you say.." Ren answered to his statement from before.

" Rencchi could come with me too-ssu"

" W-what? Ha you wish! Summer festival...that's something for idiots like you, not for me!"

With those last words Ren stomped off into his own room and Shiki smiled as he heard him shutting the door close.

Summer festival...the last time Shiki had visited something like that was together with Rei during high school but they had sneaked off somewhere, watching the fireworks together where no one else interrupted.

Shiki remembered Rei's dumbfounded face as he cuddled into him and that fluttering feeling as they kissed under that colourful sky.

It was a fond but also painful memory. He wished so much to be back in that moment where nothing else mattered.

Right now his life had made a turn towards the worse again but Shiki was sure that he'll be able to pull through.

Maybe this festival was a good way to forget for a while and just have fun.
Shiki was glad Hayato had convinced everyone to go.
It would be nice spending time with the band.

He hurriedly packed up the rest of his stuff. Shiki didn't want to be late. Jun would be so annoyed with him yet again…because if the keyboardist hated one thing then it was unpunctual people and sadly Shiki definitely fell into that category of humankind.

~🍡~

It was a nice festival with lots of different food and game stalls, colourful lights and cheerful people.

Shiki was glad that they came.
He had bought himself some delicious yakitori skewers as a to go snack and now all four of them wandered around looking at all the different things to do.

" I wanna try some games," Hayato suggested.

" I wanna buy that mega cute Kumacchi mask-ssu"

" You are both like children," Jun grumbled, already seeming like he didn't want to be here at all.

" But it's fine...it's a festival...after all…" Natsuki said as calmly as ever.

" Natsukicchi is right-ssu. We should make the best out of it-ssu" Shiki turned around to look at Jun not noticing how he bumped into someone while walking.

The other person turned around and Shiki wanted to apologize but as soon as he saw the face of the stranger, the words got stuck into his throat.

" You really do like bumping into people huh?" Haruna joked with a giggle.

" Wait, what are you doing here?" Hayato asked visibly confused.

" Could ask you the same question. You didn't even tell me that you wanted to visit the festival" Haruna said, raising an eyebrow.

" That's because we just figured you might be too busy plus it was supposed to be a band event and you...you are not in the band."

Shiki would be lying if he said that he wasn't surprised by Hayato's sudden boldness, especially in front of Haruna.

Even Haruna himself was taken aback by this sudden comment.
He wanted to say something but his mind couldn't come up with anything to answer so he kept his mouth shut just staring at Hayato in disbelief.

" I wouldn't mind," Meiko spoke up. " It's nice spending time with Haruna's friends too. There's so much to do at such a big festival and they say the more the merrier. Also you all look great in your Yukata. Shiki-kun, those colours really suit you."

See, that's what Shiki meant. Meiko was such a kind and good hearted girl, not even caring that her date with her boyfriend would be ruined if they stayed together.
How could anyone hate her? Why did Haruna refuse for so long to date someone like that?

Although Shiki hadn't met her that often in the past few weeks he could clearly tell that she had no bad intentions or whatsoever and was just happy she could finally be with the guy of her dreams.

But seeing her together with Haruna...he couldn't help that ugly sting of jealousy in his heart and he hated himself for it.

Meiko didn't deserve that when she hadn't done anything wrong in the first place.

" That's too nice of you-ssu. But I think Meiko-chan looks mega cute in Yukata too. Your hair accessory is super pretty-ssu."

" You think? I bought it especially for the occasion" Meiko giggled amused, cuddling closer to her boyfriend. " I wanted to look good for the date."

" But you are always beautiful," Haruna said with the most charming smile.

Shiki had to avoid his eyes not wanting to see them being all lovey dovey with each other.
The pit of his stomach was feeling so heavy and cold it was painful.
Why couldn't he just be happy for them?

" Well whatever…" Hayato said, looking at Shiki. " Like I mentioned, this was supposed to be a band event. So it was nice meeting you two but we gotta excuse ourselves...Shiki."

Hayato didn't wait for anyone to say anything. He just grabbed Shiki's hand, dragging him away from the other's and into the crowd which resulted in the latter having to let go of the remains of his yakitori, the food just dropping to the ground.

" Band event he says but there he is just leaving us standing behind." Jun huffed, annoyed. " I'm sorry about this but it was nice to see you again Haruna-san. Come on Natsuki."

Natsuki nodded his head and they both vanished into the masses of people, trying to catch up to their bandmates.

" What's up with Hayato lately? Behaving so weird…" Haruna raised an eyebrow.

" He's probably mad because you interrupted their date," Meiko responded with a giggle.

" That again? I highly doubt it"

Haruna huffed. Shiki with Hayato. That was not possible. They would tell him if it really was like that.

He couldn't understand why the thought of them being in a relationship made his insides feel like they were fuming.
What were those feelings and what were they trying to tell him?
…..

" Hayatocchi what cha doing?" Shiki asked as soon as they had stopped.

Why was his friend dragging him away like that? What was this all about?
Shiki had never experienced Hayato acting so passive-aggressively towards Haruna. The guitarist was always friendly and Shiki had expected him to joyfully agree to Meiko's plan of spending the festival together.

" It's just…" Hayato whispered and Shiki waited for him to finish his sentence but a long while of silence followed. " I want you to look back at this festival with happy memories so..."

Shiki flinched when Hayato whirled around, grabbing both of his hands with a smile.

" Let's have a lot of fun together, alright?"

" Hayatocchi…" Shiki didn't know what to say or feel at this exact moment but he nodded his head nonetheless.
" Roger-ssu! I'm mega hyped up for this! Let's make sure to watch the fireworks later-ssu!"

Hayato was right. Shiki didn't come here to be all depressed.
He was truly blessed with such a good friend and he should enjoy the time they spent together instead of being gloomy just because the guy, he had no chance with, was here together with his picture perfect girlfriend.

" Gotcha!" Hayato simply answered and from that moment on Shiki decided to just live in the here and now, focusing on what was right in front of him.

They got lots of delicious food and tried out different games, talking and laughing. Shiki even bought the Kumacchi mask he so desperately had wanted and they also managed to reunite with Jun and Natsuki, the keyboardist giving them a lecture on how it was bad manners to just leave them behind.

All the while Hayato never let go of his hand and Shiki was thankful for that small but meaningful gesture. Even if some people were staring at them, somehow the warmth radiating off from the other was giving Shiki a feeling of secureness. It was different from Haruna's warmth but it was still pleasant though Hayato's fingertips were feeling pretty rough. Probably from playing the guitar all the while.

Hayato, seemed to be aloof most of the timr but in reality he was hard working and Shiki had a lot of respect for that.
He should try to do his best from now on too.

So when the time had finally come, they made sure to find a good spot amongst the other people, sitting down on the blanket Jun had so thoughtfully brought along with him, and waited for the firework to start.

" What a nice evening it was. I really had such a good time. Thanks for coming along, Shiki" Hayato said, smiling brightly at the other.

" Thanksie for taking me with you, Hayatocchi-ssu. This was one of the bestest evenings ever."

" Man, I'm so glad I have a friend like you. Haruna may be an idiot but I'm thankful that he picked you up and brought you with him to that game back then or else we would have never met and you are also working so hard for the band" Hayato sniffled and Shiki had to giggle.

What a crybaby his friend was.

" Likewise. I never thought that one day I would have such a good friend-ssu. I will do my best for HighxJoker too-ssu" Shiki leaned his head against the other's shoulder and he could practically hear Jun rolling his eyes at them for being this sentimental.

It was okay though since Shiki knew that deep down Jun was actually feeling the same but of course he would never admit that.

Hayato snuggled into him too and Shiki closed his eyes, feeling calm and content.
Well that was until a voice ripped him right out of his comfort zone.

" I hope we are not interrupting something."

Shiki unwillingly lifted his head from Hayato's shoulder, to look up into green eyes.
Why was Haruna sounding so annoyed, though?

" Is it okay to watch the fireworks together?" Meiko asked but more towards Hayatos direction.

" Fine with me."

Somehow Shiki had the feeling that Hayato wasn't actually fine with it.
What was with this weird atmosphere all of a sudden.

" So did you enjoy the festival?" Haruna asked once they had sat down on their own blanket.

" Yeah it really was a nice evening-ssu" Shiki quietly answered, smiling to himself. " I guess Harunacchi had a lot of fun too-ssu."

Haruna didn't respond to that. Of course Shiki would have had a nice evening.
He had spotted them a few times at different stalls.
Shiki had seemed so happy, talking and laughing with Hayato, holding the other's hand all the while…

" You even got the Kumacchi mask you wanted. It's so cute" Meiko leaned against her boyfriend, hooking their arms together.

" Hehe it is. Isn't it? Kumacchi definitely is the cutest-ssu"
Shiki tapped the mask, sitting sideways on his head, with a finger and a dorky smile.

Haruna liked seeing Shiki smile so even when the fireworks started, he couldn't take his eyes off him.

What if Meiko was right? What if there was more than friendship between Hayato and Shiki…
Could Shiki be swinging that way too although he was working as a rental boyfriend?
But if they had a relationship like that...why didn't they tell Haruna?

They were friends after all and Haruna had told them about Meiko too.
Were they afraid that Haruna would think ill about them?
But Hayato should know that he wasn't like that.

If they didn't tell him it was Haruna's good right to be mad.
But was this actually the real reason that irked him so much…
Once again Haruna didn't understand himself anymore…

All he knew was that Shiki was here and he looked beautiful in his Yukata, the clothing only highlighting his slim waist and Haruna couldn't figure out why that made his heart race a bit.

Shiki shyly glanced at him but avoided his eyes as soon as Haruna noticed.

He was definitely blushing. Gosh he was so cute Haruna had no idea what to do anymore.

Shiki jumped a bit when a hand grabbed for his own, interlacing their fingers with each other.
What? Wait...that's…

Shiki tried to pull his hand away but Haruna wouldn't let him, tightening his grip further.
What was this idiot doing with his girlfriend right there?

How was Shiki supposed to react to this? Say something or keep quiet?
He decided on the second option, since number one would surely cause a lot of trouble.

Haruna's hand was big and warm, just as warm as Hayato's but it still was different.
That warmth was much more comforting and calming but it also made Shiki's whole body shiver, especially when Haruna decided to casually brush his thumb over Shiki's knuckles.

All of this couldn't be real right? There was no way Haruna would do something like that.
Not with Shiki anyways.

It must be a dream for sure. Shiki was dreaming all of this. Maybe that was the reason why Hayato was acting so bold or why they had to run into Haruna at a festival this big.

Shiki was probably still in his bed and he would wake up at any given second.
He's been dreaming stuff like this a lot recently so this would be no exception.

But if this was a dream then that meant there would be no consequences no matter what Shiki did.
If it was a dream then he wanted for it to have a good end once.

" Harunacchi…" he whispered out, looking at the other.

Haruna turned his head around.

"Yes Shiki?"

Those turquoise eyes sparkling with all the different colours of the firework mesmerized Haruna in only seconds and he wouldn't mind staring at them for hours straight.

Shiki was bewitching in so many different ways Haruna felt how his heart skipped a few beats.
Really, what kind of spell was Shiki putting him under?

He didn't flinch or react at all when Shiki fisted a hand into his shirt, bringing Haruna down on his eye level.

He had no time fathoming what was happening and the first thing he noticed were soft lips, touching his own and the faint taste of strawberries.

Shiki had to admit to himself from all of his dreams that this one surely was the best of them. Kissing under the fireworks just like back then.

It almost felt too real. Haruna's warmth and the taste of his lips.
Shiki wished that this dream never ended.

But like all things it did end but not in the way Shiki had expected when he was grabbed by both his shoulders and pushed away by no one else than Haruna himself, who's green eyes were as wide as plates as he stared at the other in utter shock and so did everyone else around them.

It took a few seconds for it to dawn on Shiki but when it finally hit him his whole face turned pale.
This wasn't a dream. This was real.
He had gone ahead and kissed Haruna just like that in front of everyone. In front of his girlfriend nonetheless.

Definitely there was panic beginning to rise in his chest. Haruna was still staring at him like he couldn't believe it.

Shiki didn't know what to do or to say and all that came out of his mouth was some incoherent babbling before he sprung up like he'd been bitten.

" I gotta...I gotta...go...I" he stammered out running off to god knows where just away from here.

" Shiki!" Hayato was up in seconds to follow his friend and so were Natsuki and Jun.

Haruna felt unable to move, too shocked from what happened.
Did Shiki really kiss him just now?
Why would he do something like that?
What had gotten into him all of a sudden?

Haruna tried to take a few steady, deep breaths, his fingers moving to rest on his lips….
…..

Of course with so many people around Hayato was quick to lose Shiki in the crowd but he wouldn't give up on searching.

Shiki didn't answer the calls or texts that Hayato sent him but that was to be expected.

It was kind of a disaster. Hayato had figured out that Shiki might just like Haruna a bit too much ever since the day of karaoke although Shiki did his best at trying to deny it.

Now that Haruna had a girlfriend Shiki had been in kind of a bad mood for weeks even if he also tried his best not to let that show.

Hayato had noticed. He'd been spending so much time together with Shiki it was impossible not to but yet there was so much that Hayato still did not know about the other.
So many secrets…

All Hayato had wanted was to spend a nice evening with the others and cheer Shiki up.
That's why he had shooed Haruna away like that because he didn't want Shiki to worry and just enjoy the time at the festival.

He should have denied their request to watch the fireworks together...now everything was chaotic…

Hayato tried to call out for Shiki again but of course he received no answer.
Just where had the other gone too?

~✨~

Shiki had always been good at hiding if he didn't want to be found.
He knew that Hayato was searching for him and he heard him call his name more than once.

He wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Shiki probably never would be.
He'd done it now. After he had tried so hard to maintain their friendship it was over.
Everything was over.
It was like back then but even worse.
In just a few seconds Shiki lost all the things that had made his life so much better in those few months.
Why couldn't he keep his feelings in check? How could he be so stupid and believe this was a dream? Who would just go and kiss people like that...

To say that Shiki was devastated would have been an understatement. If anything he definitely wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

He waited until he was sure that the air was clear before coming out from his hideout behind the trees.

Shiki wanted to get home and lock himself in for the rest of his miserable life.
He ignored the vibrating of his phone not wanting to talk to anyone and turned it off in the end.

The train was busy with people and everyone seemed to be so lively but Shiki felt so cold and empty inside that he couldn't care.
Everything was a mess right now...

Of course as soon as he arrived home he was greeted by Ren who seemed to be irritated that Shiki had returned supposedly early.

" What's up with you I thought you'll be staying away longer?"

Now that Shiki was finally away from everyone he could feel how the wall inside of him slowly grumbled down releasing all the sad feelings he tried to suppress on his way home.

Tears welled up in his eyes and before Ren knew what was happening Shiki had thrown himself into his arms crying like someone had just died.

" I ruined everything-ssu….Rencchi I ruined everything."

Chapter Text

It had been a week so far and Ren had no more idea what to do with this annoying roommate of his, hogging the couch for days and wailing into misery.

" Really don't you think it's time to go out for a bit?"

" What good would that bring-ssu?" Shiki asked in that gloomy voice of his.

" You can't stay inside forever. Listen, I did everything you wanted, got your groceries and even sent Hayato-kun away. You accidentally kissed that guy you have a crush on. So what? It's not the end of the fucking world" Ren tried really hard not to lose his temper but Shiki was really straining his patiences.

" Rencchi you don't understand-ssu. It indeed is the end of the world! What am I supposed to tell everyone-ssu?" Shiki sniffled, hugging his one liter bucket of chocolate ice cream closer to himself.

" I don’t know how about the truth?"

Ren swore to god that he was this close to just take the other and throw him out the front door or better the window, if it wasn't for the fact that Shiki displayed such a pitiful image.

Sitting on the couch in his pink Kumacchi pajamas, equally pink Kumacchi blanket thrown over his shoulders and his hair a tousled mess, shoving spoon after spoon of chocolate ice cream into his mouth.

" But what if they hate me then? What if they are disgusted? I can never see them again-ssu" Shiki whined miserably, tears welling up in his eyes and he shoved yet another spoon full of ice cream into his mouth.

" What are you talking about? You are gay, so? It's no big deal. I'm sure everyone thinks the same and if they don't then they shouldn't be your friends anyway. You are not a teenager and not in Aomori anymore"

Ren's inner voice was telling him to stay calm over and over again. Lashing out at Shiki now wouldn't help and he tried to tightly hold on to that last string of patience he had left.

" I can't-ssu. Rencchi I can't…"

" You can't stay inside forever either. You have to go to work sooner or later. You've been doing nothing but hanging around in those pajamas for a week and eating junk food. When was the last time you even showered?"

" Does that matter? Nothing matters anymore-ssu"

Ren couldn't take this. It was like Shiki literally ignored everything he said, when all Ren wanted to do was to help the other.
That last string of patience finally snapped loud and clear.

" Fine! Have it your way you little shit! As if I care, you can go and rot in some corner!" he venomously spit out at the other before turning around and stomping off.
Soon after, Shiki could hear the front door banging closed.

Of course Ren wouldn't understand. If anything Shiki was surprised that his roommate could keep his composure for a whole week before finally snapping, knowing what a bad temper Ren had.

Everything was a disaster. Shiki still couldn't believe that it happened.
Who just goes ahead and kisses someone like that, especially another guy?
How would he be able to explain this to Haruna?
It wasn't that simple and Haruna probably hated him by now and what about Meiko?

Shiki's world had been okay only a week ago but now it felt like he was starting from point zero again.

He had ignored his phone this whole week. Not wanting to see all those missed calls and texts from Hayato.
Shiki couldn't even find the strength to charge it up again.

What if Hayato knew the truth? Would he still want to be Shiki's friend? Could Shiki stay in the band?
He wasn't ready to talk with Hayato about all of this yet.
Maybe he would never be.

Sometimes blissful ignorance wasn't so bad at all.
If Shiki didn't think about it so much then it wasn't a problem, right?
He tried to focus back on the show on the TV, still munching on his ice cream.
Those one liter buckets really had become like his best friends lately and he would probably die of diabetes if he kept this up but then again who would care?

Shiki cuddled himself tighter into his blanket with a long and deep sight…

~🍦~

" I can't take this anymore!!" Hayato whined, ruffling through his own hair with an audible groan. " What are we gonna do?"

" It's been a week already but Shiki hasn't reacted to one call, you go to the mailbox as soon as you try and he didn't read his messages either."

" It's a disaster, Haruna! It's like he doesn't want to see us ever again. I even got sent away by his roommate when I tried to talk with him" Hayato took one tissue out of the box next to him to wipe away his tears and blow his nose.

Though Hayato had always been a crybaby, this week he had cried more than in one whole year.
It was more than Haruna was able to handle at this point.

Shiki, that idiot. What was this airhead thinking?
He'd worry them for days without any lifesign of him whatsoever because of something that wasn't even a big deal.

Thinking back to it, Haruna wasn't even sure if that actually had happened.
He'd been so surprised when Shiki suddenly kissed him, he didn't have time to react at all.
It hadn't been his intention to push the other away so harshly either.
Haruna was just so shocked he didn't know what to do at all.

Shiki was definitely convinced that Haruna was mad at him right now or that he was so disgusted by the kiss he didn't want to see Shiki ever again.

It wasn't true. Sure Haruna had been shocked when it happened but he wasn't disgusted or anything.
To be telling the truth, it wasn't a bad kiss at all.
If it hadn't happened so suddenly Haruna might have even enjoyed it.
Only thinking back to the moment made his stomach feel fluttery and he could still taste those lips on his own although it's been a week.

" We just gotta try again" Haruna muttered.

" But Shiki doesn't want to see us...and his roommate is super scary" Hayato sniffled, blowing his nose with another tissue.

" I think I'll be able to handle a scary roommate. We have no other choice but to try."

Hayato knew that Haruna was right. They needed to get through to Shiki somehow or they might end up never seeing each other again. Hayato definitely didn’t want that not only because Shiki was his friend and bandmate but also being without Shiki…Hayato didn’t want to imagine.

~🍕~

Shiki had tried his best to survive the day without thinking too much about what happened, distracting himself with Netflix shows and food.

Ren hadn't come back yet. He was probably still fuming and crashed into Takeru's place to let his bad temper loose there.

Shiki appreciated that. Ren trying not to murder him on the spot.
Deep down he knew that he was acting like a childish idiot but what other choice had he left?
He should really apologize to Ren later.

As of right now Shiki was waiting for his pizza delivery.
After eating nothing but cold ice cream, his stomach was feeling kinda upset so Shiki concluded that eating something warm might help with that.

He could just eat his pizza and haul himself up in his room, ready to never leave the comfort of his bed again.
Though he knew that he would have to sooner or later...

Shiki took a good glance into the mirror of the entrance area.
Ren was right.
He looked like a total mess.
Shiki had tried to tame his hair a bit by using a glittery pink Kumacchi hair clip to take his fringe and pin it to the top of his head but in reality it didn’t make any difference at all.

He hadn’t slept very well or long this past week and the bags under his eyes were proof of that.
Even his Kumacchi pajamas had seen better days and probably could use a wash
All in all Shiki was looking the same as he felt: miserable.
If anyone saw him like this…if Haruna saw him like this…

Shiki was saved from diving deeper into those thoughts when the doorbell rang out.
This must be his pizza delivery.

How lucky since Shiki already felt like he was starving though his last bucket of ice cream hadn’t been that long ago.
Maybe that's what people call “eating out of frustration”?

Well if it was just the pizza guy then Shiki didn’t care that he looked horrible. That man had probably seen worse.

He opened the front door without a care in the world but as soon as his eyes landed on the supposed delivery guy, he let out a high pitched shriek trying to slam it shut again.

Haruna wouldn’t let him though, acting in seconds and pushing his foot between the frame and the door , grabbing the knob with one hand.

“ Wait a sec!”

“ What are you doing here?” Shiki screeched, using all the strength he had to try and get that door closed. Why were Haruna and Hayato here all of a sudden? How could this happen?

“ Well you’ve been ignoring us for one week, what do you think?” Haruna pushed against the door to stop Shiki from shutting it, though it wasn’t really exhausting since the other had no strength whatsoever.

“ I don’t wanna see you go away-ssu!”

“ That’s rich Shiki-kun. Why did you open the door then?”

“ Because I thought you were the pizza delivery guy! So if you don’t have extra spicy pizza, shoo, shoo, go away-ssu!”

This guy…Haruna could hardly believe it. It was getting completely ridiculous...
Shiki was acting like a rotten child and he couldn’t understand why all of this needed to be such a big deal.
Couldn’t they just talk this out like normal adults?
Enough was enough already.

Haruna had it with that childish behavior and he pushed against the door with all his might resulting in Shiki stumbling back and letting go of the knob.

This was his chance to finally enter the apartment but all Shiki did was to turn around wanting to run away.

Haruna acted faster, grabbing the other's wrist before he could dash off.

" Not so fast Mister."

" Let go-ssu! This is trespassing-ssu!" Shiki tried to struggle free but he didn't stand a chance. How come that Haruna was this strong? " H-help-ssu! Rencchi, help-ssu!"

Shiki tried to call for his roommate until he remembered that Ren had left their home a few hours ago and it had been Shiki's fault.
He was all alone and helpless.

" Stop this already Shiki. You are acting like a child" Haruna huffed, clearly annoyed.

" Why did you come-ssu? Go away. I don't want to see you ever again-ssu!"

" Are you kidding me, right now? What kind of ridiculous temper tantrum is this?"

" You are one to talk. Harunacchi, idiot-ssu!"

They probably would have quarreled like this for the next few hours if it wasn't for the fact that Hayato finally decided to step in by starting to cry at the top of his lungs.

Shiki wasn't so sure what to do when he was suddenly tackled into a tight hug.
Even Haruna was so surprised by Hayato's action that he let go of Shiki's wrist.

" Shiki-kun" Hayato wailed. " I'm so glad you are alright! You have now idea how worried we were when you ignored every text and call. Do you really hate us now? I thought we were best friends. Please don't hate us…"

" I...I don't...h-hate Hayatocchi-ssu" Shiki stuttered out completely overwhelmed by the situation. " I thought that Hayatocchi would hate me-ssu.."

" Why would I ever do that?" Hayato all but cried in the other's ear.

" Don't you think I'm...I'm...weird or something-ssu…"

" Why would we think that?" Haruna finally joined in on the conversation after heaving a deep sight. " because apparently you are into guys?"

Shiki flinched at those words, giving himself away.
So they both realized. They found out what Shiki had been trying to hide all those years.

" Shiki...why would I ever care about something like that?" Hayato just hugged his friend even tighter. " who cares if you like boys or girls or both or whatever?"

" Hayato is right. Something like that isn't important at all. Because you are still you and we like you exactly the way you are." Haruna mustered a small smile.

Really Shiki could be such an idiot sometimes but then again it was just one of the many things that Haruna liked so much about him…

" Then you don't think I'm weird?" Shiki whispered quietly, sounding close to tears.

" Not at all! Besides if I would really think that I wouldn't be in a band with Jun or Natsuki either"

" He? What does that mean?" Shiki asked, looking at Hayato clearly confused.

" Oh so you never noticed? Well I guess it's because Jun never really talks about it and they don't show any kind of affection in front of others or in public spaces but Natsuki and Jun I think they've been a couple since high school already."

Now it was Shiki's turn to stare shocked at the other.
" What? How come they never told me? Juncchi is so mean-ssu!"

" Well I guess he just doesn't want to make a big deal out of it" Hayato giggled amused.

" You see Shiki, we don't care at all. So locking yourself away and worrying us like that was just...stuuuuuuupid!" Haruna said putting extra emphasizes into the "stupid".

Shiki didn't know how to feel. Happy? relieved?
But then again...there was still...that.

Shiki turned around in Hayato's embrace to get a better look at Haruna.

" Harunacchi...I'm sorry-ssu. Not only for worrying you but because….you know-ssu" Shiki couldn't bring himself to speak it out in full words.

" Oh...that. Don't worry about it. It's no big deal either. It just shocked me, that's all. I didn't mean to push you away so harshly either but I wondered" the cheeky grin on Haruna's face made Shiki swallow hard. " Does that mean you like me?"

" W-What? D-Definitely not-ssu! You wish, huh? It was just the whole mood of the situation and you just happened to be there...and..and..stupid Harunacchi-ssu. As if I'd ever like someone like you. Way too annoying-ssu!"

Shiki tried his best not to sound like he just got found out but he was pretty sure there was a bright red blush on his cheeks.

" Ah that hurt…" Haruna whispered out over dramatically, grabbing his own chest, trying to ignore the fact that he did this because those words actually sent a painful sting through his heart.

" You see Shiki-kun. Everything's quite alright" Hayato finally let go of the other to rub the tears out of his eyes.

" I'm still sorry-ssu. I worried you and also...Meiko-chan...she must be furious. I need to apologize too-ssu."

" It's alright...I guess it kinda was my fault too" Haruna whispered. " Ah don't worry about that she's not mad or anything. Rather she was quite delighted that her BL dreams finally came true."

" What? That's kind of...she really is a special girl-ssu." Shiki couldn't believe what he was hearing. If it was him he would have been so mad.

" Everything's alright now"

Shiki couldn't suppress his tears at those gentle words and the warm hand caressing through his black hair.

" Harunacchi…"

The other was holding out his arms towards him and Shiki didn't think twice throwing himself into the embrace with a relieved sob.

Hayato had just stopped crying but of course as soon as Shiki broke out into tears he couldn't hold himself back either and soon enough Haruna found himself with two crying boys, desperately clinging to him.

" You two…" Haruna sighted. Hayato had always been a crybaby so it wasn't a surprise but he didn't expect Shiki to break out into tears too.

It just showed how desperate Shiki must have been that whole week and how relieved he felt right now.

Haruna should have come sooner. For Shiki to suffer so much. It was painful thinking about the other torturing himself with overthinking stuff for such a long period of time.

It was Haruna's fault for treating Shiki that harshly, pushing him away like that.
Even if he had been surprised by the kiss and it almost took him two days to come to terms with the fact that Shiki actually did that, it was no excuse.
Haruna would make sure to make it up to Shiki somehow.

Besides looking back at it...it hadn't been a bad experience.
If anything that kiss had felt...pretty damn amazing.

" Man calm down you two I already said that it's alright…" Haruna tried his best to calm his crying friends down.

" Uhmmm...uhmm...I don't really mean to interrupt but...but I have a pizza delivery here and…"

Haruna flinched at the new, unfamiliar voice, wiping his head around to look at the pizza delivery guy who seemed to be overwhelmed by the situation he found.
Right, Haruna had completely forgotten to close the door once he bursted in…

" Oh that would be mine-ssu" Shiki answered with a sniffle, rubbing the tears out of his eyes with the sleeve of his pajama before letting go of Haruna to take the order.

Who knows how long that delivery guy had been standing there and how much he had witnessed.
Shiki quickly paid for his food before finally closing the door behind him.

" So.. are you hungry? I mean I ordered a family size pizza anyways-ssu" Shiki asked, holding the huge carton in his hands.

" Well, eating pizza doesn't sound so bad after all this stress" Hayato said, finally calming down as they followed Shiki into the kitchen.

" But why would you order a family size pizza just for yourself?.....Oh…"

Haruna got his answer as soon as they entered the kitchen and he saw all those empty buckets of ice cream.

“ S-shut up-ssu! It’s been a devastating week.” suddenly Shiki started to feel all embarrassed and self conscious again, “ for you two to see me like that…I might as well die-ssu…so uncool-ssu”

" That's not true I really like that hair clip"

" Hayato is right. I think those are very cute pajamas. It suits you well" Haruna answered in all seriousness.

It was true. Shiki really looked adorable in that look.
Haruna wondered how the other managed to always look good and cute no matter what he was wearing.

" But I'm still-ssu…"

" It's alright. After all that happened it might be a good idea to just laze around all day, play games and eat pizza. I mean you never invited me to your place before"

Haruna was right. Just one more day wouldn't hurt.
Shiki was so glad that they didn't hate him and still wanted to be his friends after everything that had happened.

It felt like a heavy weight was finally lifted from his shoulders. Though there were still things he hadn’t told them yet…

Would Haruna and Hayato still want to be his friends once they knew everything?
Could Shiki really be that happy?
After all they weren't disgusted by him so maybe everything would be fine in the end.

Never before in his life had Shiki been blessed with such good friends and all he could do was watch with a smile how Haruna and Hayato both took a slice of the pizza and he giggled as they both cringed at the spiciness once they took a bit out of it.

Really Shiki should be happy. This should be enough already.
But yet his heart couldn't stop yearning for more.

His turquoise eyes settled onto Haruna who was trying to recover from the spiciness by holding his stomach and taking in deep breaths of air.

Being friends should be enough but the reality was different.
Shiki couldn't get that kiss out of his head.
He knew that it was wrong but deep down inside he wanted more.
More of Haruna…

He avoided his eyes as soon as Haruna looked at him.
If Shiki couldn't get his feelings in check then it might become troublesome again and he actually would end up ruining their friendship.
He wouldn't be able to bear it. Shiki really needed to fix this.

He thought the pizza might help with that unsettling feeling in his stomach but even as he chewed, earning himself confused looks from both of his friends since he didn’t even flinch at the spiciness, he could still sense some sort of heaviness inside of him.

Haruna was talking to Hayato about something all excitedly but Shiki couldn't concentrate on the conversation as his eyes yet again fixated onto the other.

What was the right thing to do?
The answer wasn't as easily found as Shiki had thought.

Hayato and Haruna decided to just stay over after they finished eating the pizza.
Not that Shiki minded, they could watch movies, play games and stuff but Haruna staying the whole night long?
Why was Shiki feeling very nervous all of a sudden?

The feeling only tenfold as he opened the door to his own room.
Haruna had never seen it before and Shiki was glad that besides the fact he'd been in a crisis the whole week, his room was remotely clean.

" So that's your room?" Haruna asked, looking around. " It suits you."

Besides what everyone might think, Shiki's room wasn't all that fancy or screaming pink everywhere.

There was a small desk with a laptop and some framed pictures, a few posters, mainly Kumacchi related, on the wall, a closet for clothes a small sideboard with a Tv and console, the front being decorated with various cute stickers, some shelves for storing books and stuff and of course the bed which was littered with pillows and yet again a lot of Kumacchi plushies.

It wasn't as flashy as Haruna had expected but it was nice nonetheless.

Hayato had already made himself comfortable on the bed.
Right, it wasn't the first time that the other was here.
Somehow Haruna was feeling kind of jealous all of a sudden.
It was pretty unfair of Shiki to invite Hayato over and leave him out.

" What should we do now? We could play games or watch a movie-ssu. Though I don't have any snacks besides ice cream-ssu..."

Looking into those turquoise eyes Haruna couldn't stay angry for long.
Whatever spell Shiki had him under, it made it clearly impossible to be mad at the other.

" Uh, let's play a game. I'm gonna beat you both" Hayato suggested with a grin. " We can watch a movie afterwards."

" Big talk but don't cry if you end up losing" Haruna answered amused.

Shiki had to giggle. Suddenly everything was feeling so normal again.

They settled onto playing a few different games for some time before switching to watching a movie.

After one week Shiki could finally relax. He had been so stupid thinking that Haruna and Hayato would be mad at him.
They were his friends...real friends after all.

" That was kind of sad-ssu" Shiki whispered as the end credits of the movie rolled, rubbing a single tear out of his eye.

" Well I guess you are the only one to think that" Haruna carefully shoved a snoring Hayato of himself, the latter just falling onto the bed and continuing to sleep peacefully.

" Hayatocchi must have been really tired-ssu…"

" Figures after spending a whole week crying and worrying about you."

The comment made Shiki flinch.
" I'm sorry-ssu. I was...pretty stupid-ssu."

" Yes you were" Haruna stated matter of factly. " but it's okay now. Just remember that we are your friends. You can tell us anything."

" Roger that. I'm really happy-ssu. I never had real friends before" Shiki whispered, grabbing the small Kumacchi plush on his bed and pressing it close to his chest.

" I can't believe you still have that," Haruna lightly chuckled.

" Coursie I do-ssu" Shiki sounded like only the idea of getting rid of the plush was entirely absurd. " You won it for me after all-ssu. It also reminds me of our first meeting-ssu. May sounds weird but that was one of the most enjoyable dates I ever had-ssu. I'll treasure this Kumacchi forever-ssu."

Haruna watched how Shiki was looking at the small bear plush fondly, his turquoise eyes being filled with an emotion Haruna quite couldn't understand yet.

" Not to be dramatic but that's super adorable"

Shiki was positively sure that he couldn't be any happier when Haruna wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer and he didn't wait with resting his head against the other's shoulder.

Might as well enjoy the moment because Shiki knew that it would be over too soon.

No matter how deep his love was, Haruna was far off. Shiki knew that perfectly and yet he couldn't give up on his feelings.
There was no chance in hell for them to ever be more than friends and Shiki was aware of the fact that he should be satisfied with that but it was hopeless because he still was craving more.

" Oh and only for the record. I enjoyed that day too. It was a lot of fun eating donuts and playing games at the arcade together with you but I wonder if you like guys why did you become a rental boyfriend in the first place?"

Of course Haruna would be curious about that and Shiki had to think for a while, knowing how he needed to choose his words carefully.

" Because I thought it would be easier-ssu. I was sure that if I met all kinds of different girls and went out with them, without all the pressure and expectations of a real date, I might be able to change. I guess I was wrong though. You cannot change who you are so easily-ssu."

" I for one think that you don't have to change at all."

That comment alone made Shiki's whole stomach feel all bubbly inside and he was sure that he was madly blushing.

But of course this wasn't the only thing that Haruna wanted to say.
Shiki should have known, since the other had always been pretty observant. Still Haruna's next question took him by surprise.

" Why are you so afraid that someone might find out about you being gay, though? Has it something to do with the guy in that picture? Who is he?" Haruna nodded his head in the direction of Shiki's nightstand.
Actually he didn't have to since Shiki already knew which picture Haruna was referring to.

There was silence for a very long time and Haruna started to think that he said something wrong.
His green eyes flickered towards the other who had his gaze avoided to the ground, squishing the plushie in his hands.

Haruna opened his mouth to apologize and tell Shiki to forget about it but Shiki beat him to it.

" That's my ex-boyfriend-ssu…"

So that's how it was. Haruna should have figured as much.

" Must have been a really nice relationship. You look so happy in that photo."

" Well it was...I mean Reicchi was my very first love...and I still can't let go of that time so easily-ssu."

" Guess it's that Rei's fault for breaking up with you then"

“ No Harunacchi…it was the other way round-ssu. I broke up with him. It’s just…when people started to find out…things just got complicated…I didn’t want Reicchi to suffer…so I…I…I just…” Shiki wasn’t able to talk any further as he remembered those awful moments.

How Rei had been looking at him back then. So hurt, so heartbroken…
Shiki had never wanted to hurt him but in the end he had to and he might never forgive himself for it.

All Shiki ever wanted was to apologize, begging for forgiveness but he never could and now that he had gotten the chance, he just ran away…again.

Haruna didn’t fail to notice how Shiki clutched the small plushie in his arms tighter and how the rhythm of his breathing changed so suddenly.
It was a painful memory for him. Only talking about it vaguely seemed to hurt so much.

Haruna didn’t need to hear more. Even without knowing everything a lot of things had become much clearer now.

“ Shiki…” almost instinctively Haruna pulled the smaller boy against his chest, wrapping him into a tight, comforting hug and Shiki for all he knew leaned into the touch, that reassuring warmth.

“ Do you regret it?” Haruna asked out of nowhere but Shiki didn’t need a lot of time to think about it.

“ Yes I do…and I probably will for the rest of my life-ssu.”

“But I’m sure one day Shiki-kun will meet someone very special who will help you forget. Your future boyfriend really is a lucky guy and up until then you still have Hayato and me. Oh I know just the thing…let’s do something fun tomorrow. Everyone together. We could visit the arcade again.”

Shiki couldn’t help himself as the corners of his mouth twitched up into a small smile.
If Haruna only knew…
Meiko truly was a lucky girl. Having such a gentle and kindhearted boyfriend.

Shiki wished it could be him. He wanted to be that special someone in Haruna’s life but things weren’t just as easy as that.
Not every story could be blessed with a happy ending and Shiki needed to learn to live with it. There was no “ happily ever after” for him right now.

“ Now Harunacchi is only flattering me-ssu. I’ll probably be the most annoying boyfriend ever but…thanks…I guess. I’d also love to go to the arcade with everyone-ssu.”

“ Then it’s a deal…” Haruna whispered and Shiki almost shrieked when he was suddenly pushed down, having to let go of the plushie in his arms.
Before he knew it he was laid down between Hayato and Haruna.

" What are you doing?" Shiki whispered so as to not wake Hayato who'd already been stirring in his sleep.

" What does it look like? Tucking you into bed of course. You should sleep for a bit, though it is kinda cramped with three people here."

Cramped? That initially wasn't Shiki's first problem.
Who would be able to sleep with Haruna laying down so close to you?

Haruna and his stupid prince charming smile.
Haruna, who smelled so nicely…

Shiki was sure he wouldn't be able to close one eye and he was convinced that even in the dark everyone would be able to see the bright red blush on his cheeks.

" I should shower-ssu" Shiki tried to escape from the situation.

" You can do that tomorrow. Besides you are looking very cute in those pajamas anyway"

Shiki was positively sure he would die tonight when Haruna reached out to remove the glasses from his nose and placing them on the nightstand.

Really there was no way Shiki would be able to sleep.
He squinted his eyes closed trying to block out that Haruna was right there only mere inches away, praying that the other wouldn't hear the loud and fast beating of his heart.

Even if there was still space between them, Shiki could feel the other's warmth and he was pulled in by his unique scent.
In a way it was calming.

Shiki opened one eye to look at Haruna who seemingly was sleeping all peacefully, breathing evenly.
Shiki envied him for being able to fall asleep so easily.

He carefully skittered closer, mindful to still not touch Haruna.
It was feeling warm and protected and Shiki wondered what it must be like to actually sleep all cuddled up with Haruna.
Definitely heavenly but this here was fine too.
It was already much more than Shiki could have hoped and wished for.

He'd been so nervous before but now his heart was slowly calming down and Shiki could feel the exhaustion washing over him.
The television was still on and they all were in their clothes but right now Shiki didn't mind at all as he was slowly drifting off into dreamland…

As soon as one could be sure that Shiki was definitely sleeping soundly Haruna blinked his eyes open looking at the smaller boy.
He looked peaceful sleeping like that, so close to Haruna.

In the end Shiki had started to open up. Even if it was only a bit, it was already a small step into the right direction.
Haruna was happy about that but there was also a tint of bitterness mixed into it.

Shiki probably had been through a lot. Having to break up with your first love because of all those closed minded people.
Haruna couldn't imagine what that must feel like.
No wonder Shiki was still not over it, leaving someone even though you still love them.

At that time he thought that it was for the best but now Shiki was regretting his decision.
He probably still was in love with Rei even after all those years.

Haruna didn't know what to think about that and why there was this not so good feeling in his gut.
If he could, he would make sure that Shiki never had to suffer again.

Without thinking his hand reached out to cup the other’s cheek.
Shiki's skin was smooth and clear, pleasing to touch.
No one could deny that Shiki was truly beautiful.

Shiki besides sleeping deeply made a cute kinda smacking sound, instinctively cuddling into Haruna's hand.

" Haru..na...cchi…"

Talking in his sleep was already super adorable but saying Haruna's name like that, so softly...even in dreamland Shiki was downright cute.
Haruna could hardly fathom it and he definitely could feel the heat rushing into his face.

Looking at Shiki right now, being enthralled by those rosy lips, Haruna couldn't help but to think back to that festival night a week ago.

The devil must have ridden him or something as he leaned in closer, making sure that Shiki was definitely sleeping, before overcoming that last few inches and gently pushing their lips together.

Haruna wasn’t sure how to describe these feelings when he slowly retreated. Those small sparks flying all through his body when they touched like that.
Not that Haruna hadn’t kissed other people before but with Shiki it was something different.

He was sure that he loved his girlfriend and sure he liked kissing Meiko too but it just wasn’t the same. Haruna couldn’t quite explain it. Wasn’t it weird that he craved this contact so much, that he almost wished Shiki would have woken up.
That he wanted to feel those alluring lips on his own, over and over again. Tasting that faint hint of strawberry and vanilla.

Something was definitely wrong with Haruna and it was annoying him day by day. Although they didn’t know each other for the longest of times he wasn’t able to imagine a life without Shiki in it ever again.

Instead of retreating his hand like he had intended to, Haruna only scurried closer leaving just enough space for a sheet of paper to fit between them.
It was pretty hot, cramped and not at all comfortable with his clothes still on his body but when Shiki was sleeping right next to him, Haruna found that he didn’t mind all too much.

Instead of trying to sort out the chaos in his head he noticed how all his thoughts slowly turned dull, drifting away one after the other until sleep had taken him over entirely…

~*~

The next morning came and Shiki wasn’t sure what stirred him awake in the first place but he grumbled annoyed, shutting his eyes tightly, wanting to sleep some more.
It was a small but deep chuckle, reaching his ears, that made his eyes slowly flutter open though and the first thing he was greeted with was a strong looking chest and when he looked up there were two green eyes staring at him with a mischievous glint.

Shiki tried very hard not to freak out, willing his body to stay still and his mouth to be shut but he was sure that he was madly blushing.
When did they come this close?

“ Good Morning Shiki” Haruna greeted all casually like it wasn’t a big deal but his lips moved up into one of those charming smiles and Shiki could feel his heart stop for a second right there.

“ G-G-Good…M-M-Morning-ssu…!” Shiki screeched out sounding like some rusty wheel and he tried to move away a bit but was insantley stopped by Hayato releasing a deep breath and rolling around to hug Shiki from behind, burying his face in the other’s back.

“ You are both so loud and annoying. Wanna sleep…” Hayato mumbled.

Shiki found himself being trapped between his two best friends right now, slowly but surely freaking out as he stared at Haruna wide eyed.

“ No time for that. There’s a lot to do” Haruna announced, leaning over so he could mercilessly poke Hayato’s cheek. “ Wake up you lazy dolt or I’m going to eat all your breakfast.”

In the end it took Haruna a solid 20 minutes to get his friends out of bed, just in time for Shiki to not lose his sanity, and another 40 to eat some breakfast and prepare to leave.

“ Will we see each other tonight then?” Haruna asked as they were standing in the entrance hall, him and Hayato ready to leave.

“ Of course-ssu. Seven p.m at the arcade. I’ll deffo be there-ssu!”

“ Good. I definitely need a shower and change of clothes.”

“ You and me both” Hayato said and Shiki was thinking to himself that he needed a lot more than those two things to get ready for tonight.

After all he still was a complete mess and Haruna had seen him like that. Such embarrassment wouldn’t go away that easily and Shiki promised himself that he would make up for it tonight by looking super good and presentable.

They said their goodbyes hugging each other tightly once more and Shiki waved after them until he could no longer see them.

Closing the front door behind him, he balled his hands into fists.
Right, Shiki had a lot to do before the evening arrived…

Chapter Text

Had he maybe overdone it a little bit?
Shiki wondered as he checked himself over with the front camera of his phone.

Then again after his two best friends had seen him in such a pitiful state Shiki needed to make sure to look extra good now.

How embarrassing it had been, even if Hayato and Haruna told him that it was fine, Shiki could never let such a thing happen ever again.

The nervousness was eating away at him, as he waited for his friends to arrive.
Shiki definitely needed to apologize to Meiko too.
Although Haruna had said that she wasn't mad...just kissing someone else's boyfriend was a big no-no.

Even if it wasn’t the most sincere apology because Shiki knew that, if given the chance, he would do it again in the blink of an eye.
The kiss and the feel of it had burned itself into his memories for years and years to come.

Shiki violently shook his head.
What was he thinking again? They were friends and that should already be enough...it must be enough. Because if it wasn’t then…

His thoughts were interrupted as soon as someone was putting his hands over his eyes from behind, diving Shiki's world into darkness.

" Guess who?"

Shiki couldn't help the smile spreading over his lips.

" I have no idea...who could it be-ssu? Will I get abducted by aliens now?"

" Very right and we're gonna bring you to planet Kumacchi to perform human experiments of course."

" Man Hayatocchi that's sounding actually creepy-ssu"

" Don't worry I won't let the Kumacchi aliens beam you up there. I'll just hold onto you tightly"

Shiki turned around as soon as Hayato let go of him and they both tackled each other into a hug.

" I think that won't work-ssu. We'll just both end up getting beamed up and used for experiments-ssu"

" Well at least we’ll be together"

Sometimes Shiki wished that things had turned out different, really.
If it had been Hayato...why couldn't it be Hayato…but then again it just wasn’t how feelings worked and Shiki knew that.

" I am very sorry for interrupting but…"

" I forgive you this once," Hayato said, letting go of Shiki and turning around to face Haruna like it was no big deal at all.

" That's too nice of you," Haruna answered with a snort, sounding all dramatic.

Shiki however had something else in his mind entirely as he looked at the blonde girl standing right next to Haruna and holding his hand.

He took a few steps closer before bowing down in front of her as deep as he could possibly manage while still standing.

" Meiko-chan about what happened at the festival. I'm so sorry-ssu!"

Meiko looked at him, at first confused but then her gaze softened.

" I appreciate that really but it's alright" she answered giggling with a hand in front of her mouth. " If anything I gotta thank you for making my wish come true. Too bad I couldn't snap a picture to add to my BL collection. Ah I feel like such a shameful woman now."

" I don't know if that is good or if I should be jealous" Haruna rolled his eyes.

" It’s not my fault that Shiki just looks so beautiful like the perfect guy to star in a BL Drama but don't worry I'll always love you the most '' Meiko said leaning up to give her boyfriend a kiss.

“ I’ll take it as a compliment for now-ssu…”

She was such a good girl. Gentle and sweet and even if everything had happened so fast, Shiki could tell that Haruna really liked her.

Haruna was happy and Shiki was happy that he was blessed with such good friends.
For someone like him that already was more than he could ever hope for and he should be thankful for it.

It was the first time since all of this had started that Shiki looked at them both kissing, with a small smile on his face…

The arcade on the inside was still the same as back then and Shiki couldn't help but to think about his first meeting with Haruna.
All the fun they had together…the start of their friendship...and Shiki almost ruined it because he was behaving like an idiot...

" Brings back memories, huh?" Haruna said, leaning towards him.

Shiki nodded his head. If he could go back to that time and make sure to never fall in love in the first place…

" What should we do first?" Meiko asked. " I haven't been at an arcade for so long. Let's go and get some Purikura, alright?"

" First of all let's get some tokens. We can also split up for playing games and meet again later at the bar or so" Hayato suggested.

" Sounds like a plan to me. I wanna play Drummania-ssu"

" I'll join you on that," Haruna said with a smile.

So they went ahead and got the tokens first before heading to the Drummania machines.

Of course it was an easy win for Haruna even back then Shiki had already noticed that the other's sense for rhythm was outworldly good and no matter how hard Shiki tried in the end he lost anyway.

" Not fair-ssu! Harunacchi is too good at this-ssu!"

" Right. He'd be the perfect drummer but he always refuses my invitations to join HighxJoker" Hayato whined.

" Me in a band, that wouldn't work. I'm too busy for stuff like that."

" Too bad being in a band would make you ten times sexier," Meiko giggled.

" Really now? Ouch" Haruna said in fake hurt.

" Well it's obvious I mean the musician type of guy is always popular with the girls. I may be average at singing but I'm a failure when it comes to this-ssu"

" Hold on a sec, your singing is not average at all. It's perfect" Hayato interrupted almost harshly.

" Very much agreed. Let's play another round. I'll teach you." Haruna suggested with a smile.

Shiki couldn't even protest before Haruna was right behind him, grabbing Shiki's hands, with the drumsticks, to lead him through the next play.

What? What? What? What?
What was this supposed to be?

Shiki tried to remember how to function like a proper human being and not turn into an utter mess in the span of a few seconds just because Haruna was so close.

" Here we go. It's important to keep a good watch on the notes. You gotta hit the drum at the exact right time. Make sure not to hit too hard but not too soft either. You see that's how we do it"

To be honest Shiki wasn't listening to the explanation at all.
The whole situation was too distracting, like who would be able to listen if Haruna himself was breathing right into your ear, leaning against your back with his warm hands on your own, leading you through the song.

Shiki wasn't sure if he was in heaven or hell.
It was like last night but now Haruna was even closer.
How was Shiki supposed to stay calm?

Hayato and Meiko were watching, he knew, but still Shiki couldn't stop the racing of his heart and the hotness in his cheeks.

They weren't meant to be anymore than friends but how should Shiki stop those feelings from developing further? When all it took was for Haruna to be close to make Shiki go weak in his body and his brain throwing itself out of the window.
In the end he might be a hopeless case…

" See? You did it! Total high score!"

What? Shiki hadn't even noticed the song ending, too distracted by looking at the warm hands on his own but now that he picked his head up, he was able to see all the points he scored thanks to Haruna's guidance.

" Wowzer-ssu! It's all thanks to Harunacchi!" Shiki turned his head around a bit so he could look at the other, smiling from ear to ear.

Seeing Shiki so happy, with his turquoise eyes so sparkling, Haruna couldn't help but to smile back, while trying hard not to lose himself in those orbs.
Meiko was right…Shiki really was beautiful. Haruna wouldn’t mind just looking at him silently for the next few hours.

Hayato audibly cleared his throat. Not that he wanted to ruin their moment but he noticed that Meiko had started to stare at her boyfriend rather confused, annoyed even.

Hayato just wanted to save Haruna from running into a fight with his girlfriend, right?.
That was all.
It wasn't because he was feeling some weird sting of jealousy or something. Definitely not.

" Oh right! What's next?" Haruna asked like he only now was realizing that him and Shiki weren't the only ones here and he moved a few steps away from the other.

" Huhu Harunacchi might be good at drumming but he is never gonna beat me in DDR-ssu" Shiki said with a cheeky undertone in his voice.

" You know that I totally destroyed you in that last time too. Is that supposed to be a challenge?" Haruna asked but before Shiki could answer Meiko stepped in.

" DDR sounds like a good idea. I'll be going first" she grabbed her boyfriend's hand, dragging him away to where the dance machines were located.

Shiki was left standing there, looking after them, still with a happy smile on his face.
His whole body was buzzing with sweet euphoria, his knees suddenly feeling weak.

Haruna had been so close just mere seconds ago. Shiki still could feel his warm touch linger.
Being so happy about this, he knew that he shouldn't but it was like his heart and head were telling him two different things but right now his heart was definitely winning the fight.

Hayato joined his side, at first also looking after Haruna and Meiko before he spared a sideways glance at Shiki.

" You like him," Hayato said matter-of-factly.

" Of course I like Harunacchi. We are friends after all-ssu."

" No. I mean you LIKE him."

" W-What? Hayatocchi t-that's nonsense-ssu."

" Is it now?" Hayato asked not failing to notice how Shiki stuttered, nervously chewing on his bottom lip, as if the rosy blush on his friend's cheeks already wasn't evidence enough.

" That's mega stupid-ssu. I'm not having this conversation with you-ssu" now Shiki sounded more like a stubborn child and he didn't wait for Hayato to answer, walking off without even looking back, leaving a sighting Hayato behind.

Has Hayato really seen through him so easily right now?
And if he already had then what about Meiko?
Shiki needed to be careful and get his own feelings into check.
If he didn't there would be a lot of trouble in the end...

Shiki tried his best to stay away from Haruna and get his feelings under control but it was hard when they spent the whole evening together.

The longer they were together the more Shiki could feel how his feelings grew.
After one week without any contact Shiki almost seemed like he'd been starved for Haruna's attention and the other was willing to give him what he needed even if it was just a hug or a pat on the head whenever Shiki did good at one game.
Haruna had always been the more touchy feely kind of guy but tonight it seemed to be even more.
Maybe Haruna had missed Shiki just as much as Shiki had him…

Something like that was only wishful thinking though. Shiki shouldn't get his hopes up even the slightest because if he did he would only end up getting hurt…

Time seemed to run by way too fast when one was having fun with his friends or so it seemed and Shiki couldn't believe that the clock on the wall was already nearing 10 p.m.
They played so many different games on all kinds of machines and Shiki had so much fun, laughing all the while, that time just seemed to pass in the blink of an eye.

Haruna had dragged him away from the others to get something to drink and Shiki felt kinda bad leaving the others behind, hoping that Meiko wouldn't get mad but spending time alone with Haruna, Shiki would be lying if he said that he didn't enjoy that.

He happily slurped on his strawberry flavored soda while they were walking through the arcade.
Shiki looked at all the various lights, pictures and people before he curtly glanced at Haruna, thankful that they could spend this evening together.

“ Oh wow look!” Haruna grabbed the other’s hand to pull him along to one of the claw machines. “ It’s still there!”

“ It’s still super cute-ssu,” Shiki noted, looking at the small Kumacchi plushies behind the glass, looking just like the one he already owned.

“ What? You want another one?” Haruna asked with a giggle.

“ First of all: I don’t think anyone could be so mega lucky to win at this twice-ssu. Second of all: I already have one that’s very special to me and I’ll treasure it dearly-ssu. Having another would somehow make it you know…less special and treasure worthy-ssu”

Haruna had to snort rather amused at that.
“ Cute…”

“ Eh?” Shiki tried to pretend that he didn’t hear that but the fact that Haruna was still holding his hand made it hard to not let those words affect him.

It was like that time at the festival. This reminded Shiki, he never asked Haruna why he’d been grabbing for his hand back then.
Though it probably wasn’t relevant because even if they’d been holding hands to just go and kiss someone like that…
Although Haruna had assured him that it was fine, Shiki still wanted to die out of embarrassment thinking back to that moment.
It was so mortifying but at the same time the memory made him feel fuzzy and warm.

Shiki needed to make sure something like that would never, ever happen again or else he’d be in a big serious crisis.

“ Shame. For you I would definitely have tried.”

Shiki flinched, tightly shutting his eyes when a warm forehead touched his own.
The action surprised him so much that his can of soda almost slipped out of his grasp but luckily enough Shiki was still able to grip it tighter…

He wasn’t sure anymore if Haruna was serious or just teasing him and his only strategy was to freeze in place not moving a single muscle because who knew what might happen if he did.

Yet again Shiki’s heart and head were conflicted, both wanting two totally different things, fighting each other for dominance over his body.
Luckily he was saved from his dilemma when a female voice called out to them.

“ Shiki! Haruna!”

Haruna took a few steps back, away from Shiki to turn around towards his girlfriend.
Shiki couldn’t blame Meiko for the suspicious look she was giving them. If he was in her spot he’d probably be irritated too.

“ I thought you were only getting something to drink.”

Shiki didn’t understand why Hayato sounded and looked so angry. Maybe he was mad because it sure as hell seemed like they were just third wheeling him now. Which was never Shiki’s intention to begin with…

“ Well I just wanted to take a look around. I mean it’s the place we first met…so kinda nostalgic” Haruna explained with a huff.

“ That’s no reason to-” but Hayato’s words were interrupted by Meiko suddenly speaking up.

“ Haruna, may I talk to you for a second?”

“ Well…of course…” Haruna answered, raising an eyebrow.

Meiko grabbed for the other’s arm, dragging Haruna away to somewhere they could have more privacy.

Shiki looked after them, wide eyed and with an open mouth.

“ Ah…” he turned around leaning his forehead against the cool glas of the claw machine, his face as white as a ghost. “ Oh no…that’s my fault-ssu…” Shiki stuttered out his voice quivering.

“ I’d like to disagree but yeah it’s your own fault for not getting your feelings in check,” Hayato huffed.

“ W-What? Hayatocchi this has nothing to do with-” Shiki turned towards the other to protest but Hayato abruptly cut him off.

“ Don’t lie to me so blatantly. Everyone can practically see those hearts flying all over your head. You must be blind and deaf or be called Wakazato Haruna not to notice.”

“ I-is it…that obvious?” Shiki asked in a mere whisper, gripping his can of soda tightly with two hands, looking at the tiled floor.

“ You, behaving like a lovesick puppy? As obvious as broad daylight. Your luck, that Haruna is as dumb as a loaf of bread when it comes to stuff like this…but…he isn’t…the only one…”

“ Huh? Who else is?”

“ Forget it. I’m going to the bathroom” Hayato grumbled annoyed just walking past Shiki.

“ But Hayatocchi, the toilets are in the other direction-ssu…” Shiki murmured, confused by his friend’s weird behavior…

Meanwhile Meiko and Haruna had managed to find a more secluded corner to talk.

“ So what is it that you want?”

There was a long while of silence before Meiko finally spoke up.

“ I don’t even know how I should say this…so I’ll just say it outright…Haruna…I’m breaking up with you.”

The words took Haruna by surprise and the first thing he did was choking on his drink resulting in a coughing fit before he was able to speak again.

“ Come again?”

“ You heard me…I’m breaking up with you. Seriously.” Meiko repeated not a tinge of doubt in her voice and eyes.

“ Wha…why?”

“ Because I’m tired of being only second place for you.”

“ I have literally no idea what you are talking about. I’m not cheating on you or something I mean I love you” Haruna was too shocked to even grasp what was happening right now.

“ No you don’t, I know and I believe when you say you love me but I don’t wanna be just the second best option.”

“ Now you make even less sense…”

“ Oh Haruna…”, Meiko almost felt a smile gracing over her lips as she rested her hand on Haruna’s cheek, gently stroking over it before pinching it hard, earning her a painful grunt from the other.
“ You know I don’t wish you anything bad or so. For your own sake I hope that you’ll finally start to be honest with yourself and your feelings.”

Haruna released a relieved sight when he’s cheek was finally freed.
“ I really have no clue what you are saying…”

“ Then you should try and use your brain for once. Goodbye Haruna” Meiko turned around ready to walk away before she remembered something whirling around once more. “ Almost forgot.”

The next thing Haruna noticed was another stinging pain in his cheek. He had absolutely no time to react or fathom what was happening. Wait, did Meiko just slap him?

“ That was for treating me like that and also for dramatic effect” those were Meiko’s last words before she stalked off with a huff and her head held high.

Haruna was too stunned, too shocked to even speak or move at all and all he did was standing there wide-eyed, his hand grabbing for his hurting cheek.

Meiko was ready to leave this place, not looking back once for good but she was stopped as someone spoke out to her.

“ Are you sure that is what you want?”

“ Cute. Are you worried about me?” Meiko turned around to face Hayato. “ Don’t worry. It might have been a hard decision but it was the right one. I don’t want to be with a guy who will never wholly love me. I should have known. I mean it was pretty obvious from day one. I really hope those two will figure it out someday.”

Her gaze wandered back to her now ex-boyfriend in the far distance. Shiki was already there, pressing what seemed to be a cloth to Haruna’s cheek, his lips moving at rapid speed.
Of course Meiko couldn’t hear a word he was saying but he seemed to be pretty agitated.

“ Well they are both just idiots, so it might be hard and take a good while…” Hayato concluded.

“ What about you? Will you be fine? I backed out of this but you…will you be alright…watching the person you love being so head over heels for another guy, they don’t even notice your feelings? What if those two end up in a relationship? Can you really watch them being happy with each other while you are left behind?”

Hayato flinched at those words, feeling like he just got burned.
“ Urgh. You really have a sixth sense for stuff like that, don’t you? To be honest…I worried about that too…but…but in the end…I want Shiki…to be happy…even if it isn’t me…but if Haruna dares to hurt him…he’ll regret it.”

“ Wow, big words. Hayato-kun is actually pretty adulty, huh?” Meiko giggled. “ Those two idiots can be glad to have a friend like you. I really hope that one day Hayato will be able to move on and find true love too. I mean Shiki isn’t the only good looking person around.”

“ I hope the same for you too.”

They both smiled at each other and Meiko turned around, lifting her hand as a goodbye before leaving the arcade.
Hayato knew that in the end all of this did hurt her too of course.
She never really wanted to break up with Haruna but it had been the right thing to do.
Even if you love someone sometimes you just need to let go.
Hayato admired Meiko for having this kind of strength.
He on the other hand…

“ I’m so sorry-ssu. I’m sorry-ssu. It all is my fault-ssu. I’m the worst. I’m so sorry. I’m…”

“ Shiki calm down, nothing is your fault” Haruna tried to stop Shiki from babbling absolute nonsense.

“ Buut I ruined your relationship-ssu!!” Shiki wailed out in that screeching voice of his, turquoise eyes filled with tears.

“ I said it’s not your fault. Will you believe me for once, geez” Haruna sighed.

Shiki sniffled, trying to take in steady and deep breaths to soothe his nerves.

“ I’m still-ssu…Does it hurt a lot?” Shiki carefully wiped the other’s cheek with the cloth he had drained in cold water.

“ It’s bearable. I will survive but damn this woman knows how to slap…”

“ I’m sorry-ssu. It still is red…but at least the staff could give me this…”, Shiki whispered, removing the cloth from Haruna’s cheek to place it on the small table beside them.

“ Why are you apologizing again?”

“It’s just Harunacchi…just got dumped…I’m sorry. You must be so sad and there’s nothing I can do-ssu.”

“ Oh I wouldn’t say that” Haruna smiled carefully, wiping the tears out of Shiki’s eyes, making the latter look at him. “ I’m sure you’ll find a way to cheer me up.”

Shiki was slowly breathing in and out, processing the words in his head.
Cheer Haruna up? He definitely could try at least that.
After all, he knew how bad break-ups were already…

Those green eyes looked at him, almost pleading and Shiki released the breath he was holding.

He didn’t know what cells in his brain short-circuited at the moment, or if he even had any left to begin with, but his small hands clutched into Haruna’s shirt and he pressed close, hiding his face in that broad chest.
This was a bad idea but Shiki didn’t filter the words through his head before they left his mouth and he whispered them out so quietly, Haruna almost didn’t catch it.

“ Let’s go somewhere else-ssu. Some place more privat. Where it’s just the two of us-ssu…”

Chapter Text

Hayato couldn't actually believe that this was happening right now or why it always had to be him.

He had tried to find Shiki and Haruna for the past hour, searching the whole arcade at least three times but they were gone.
Like they vanished into thin air. As if they never existed in the first place.

How could that be?
The people he considered his two best friends just left him behind like he was nothing, not even caring to write him a message or anything.
It must be a bad joke or something. Like how could anyone be that cruel?

Why had they just left without him? So they could be alone? Was Hayato just a nuisance to them? So that Shiki could comfort a heartbroken Haruna?

Hayato didn't get it. It was unfair.
What was so special about Haruna anyways that Shiki had to behave like a lovesick idiot?

Haruna didn't notice or maybe even worse, ignored Shiki's feelings and yet Shiki was following the other like a small attention seeking puppy. People probably were right when they said that love makes you blind.

If it was Hayato he would make sure that Shiki always felt happy, loved and special because Shiki was amazing in every way but Haruna was too oblivious to see and it drove Hayato mad because for him Shiki deserved to be treated like he was a precious treasure.

Well in the end maybe Shiki wasn't the only lovesick idiot here…

Hayato should have known that it would end like this. It always did.
That's what you get for having such a handsome friend like Haruna.
People would always ignore Hayato when he was beside the other.

Hayato couldn't even blame Shiki.
Haruna was tall, good looking, strong, cool, Mister picture perfect and Hayato well...he was none of those things…

So it was only natural that everyone would fall head over heels for Haruna, no matter boy or girl.

Maybe Hayato just wasn't made for love after all…

Shiki would never see him in that way…but still that's no excuse to just vanish and leave him behind, not even answering his phone or replying to messages.

Now Hayato was all alone, roaming the streets of a nightly tokyo since god knows how long, not knowing where to go or what to do.

There were no trains running anymore. Maybe he should get a taxi and just get home.
Hayato was feeling too angry and sad to even care anymore and his phone's battery was slowly dying as well.

He was miserable and just wanted to get into bed already.
So Hayato tried searching for a taxi in this unfamiliar area.

It might have been cruel faith or anything else that he wasn't able to find one but instead he was distracted from his search when he heard the faintest of meows coming from one of the side alleys.

A cat?
Hayato had always been curious by nature so he couldn't help but to follow the sound, leading him into some dirty back alley.

Sure enough after looking for a bit, he found the small cat sitting in one cardboard box all alone.

What a cute animal with its white fur adorned by brown spots and mesmerizing yellow eyes.

" Poor thing. You are probably a stray, right? Are you hungry? Too bad I don't carry any cat treats with me. How long have you been here? Are you all alone? Well you and I both. I'm also kinda lost and lonely…" Hayato slowly crouched down, carefully reaching his hand out towards the cat not wanting to scare it away.

To his own surprise the cat didn't seem to mind as it crawled out of its hiding spot, rubbing its head against Hayato's hand with a delighted purr.
What a cute animal it was. Hayato had always been fond of cats but since he and his big brother were always kinda busy they didn't own one themselves.

The cat was small and although it was a stray it seemed to be in a good, healthy shape.
Maybe someone was taking care of it? Feeding it and stuff?

" What are you doing there?"

Hayato flinched at the sudden voice, slowly turning around to be faced with a guy seemingly around his age, blue spiky hair and equally blue eyes.

The cat got so scared at Hayato suddenly jumping like that, that it hid in his carton again.

" I-I..I was just...hearing the cat meow...so I looked for it...and since it let itself get petted I thought...I'm sorry" Hayato's voice sounded high pitched like he was fearing for his life here.

" That's interesting…Champ normally never lets strangers pet him"

" Champ? Is that its name? Is it your cat?" Hayato asked, visibly relaxing feeling like this guy wasn't a thread at all.

" Well it's not mine per se but I come here from time to time feeding and playing with him", the stranger said, kneeling down beside Hayato.

The small cat came out of his hiding spot again to rub against the other's legs.

A guy who was feeding a stray cat couldn't be bad, right?
Hayato watched how the stranger pulled out some cat food from his bag, opening the can to give it to the cat, who gladly took it.

Hayato didn't really know this guy at all, nor his name but somehow his presence was oddly calming and it made Hayato feel secure.

" I never saw you around here before. I wonder how you ended up in such a spot?" the guy asked out of nowhere.

" That's a long and sad story"

" Well I have time to listen. That's unless you want to talk and if that other guy doesn't show up to put his hands onto Champ"

Somehow Hayato didn't know what it was that urged him on to tell a complete stranger about what happened but maybe getting the perspective of an outsider wasn't such a bad idea.

" Well if you really wanna listen…oh by the way my name is Hayato. Akiyama Hayato"

" I'm Taiga Takeru and it's nice to meet you. I guess Champ thinks that too…" Takeru answered watching how the small cat rubbed against Hayato's legs after finishing his meal.

It was weird how Hayato knew nothing about this guy but yet it felt like they were friends, knowing each other for a long time. Like instantly there was something special between them when all Hayato knew was his name.
Takeru…

So Hayato started with telling his story to Takeru and the other just listened carefully while they both were petting the small cat.
Maybe it was because Hayato was feeling lonely and sad and having someone to talk to was relieving in a way but suddenly Hayato felt so peaceful, like the storm inside was calming down with every word that came out of his mouth…

~🎤~

In hindsight Shiki knew that this was a bad idea and that he shouldn't have brought Haruna along with him but the other had instantly agreed to tag along and Shiki really wanted to try and cheer Haruna up.

" Do you think Hayato will be mad at us? We basically just left him there-ssu"

" Nah, he'll get over it. Though he probably will be mad for a few hours" Haruna answered, shrugging his shoulders. " But I should have known that you would choose a place like this. Not that I mind, it is nice here after all."

Shiki clenched the microphone in his hands tighter.

" Well whenever I'm sad I just like to sing my heart out-ssu. It helps to calm me down. Also the foods and drinks here are good-ssu"

Haruna had to chuckle looking at the small table in front of them. Shiki had probably ordered one of everything on the food menu.

" Also they have donuts-ssu. I thought Harunacchi would always get cheered up by donuts"

" Well can't argue about that. They are delicious indeed" Haruna answered, taking a bite out of one of them. " but it's kind of a fancy karaoke place. I never knew something like this existed. But of course you would know since you go to karaoke that often."

" I used to go more frequently in middle school-ssu. High school was a very busy time and there are not this many karaoke bars in Aomori-ssu. But ever since I came to Tokyo...there's so many different karaoke places to choose from. Most of the time I went with my colleagues from work or alone-ssu."

" But you do know that I'd go with you everytime you want so you never have to be alone"

That answer almost made Shiki choke on his drink.
Why was it that he felt so happy about it when Haruna definitely only meant it in a friendship kind of way. Shiki did his best to keep his emotions in check trying to hide his embarrassment and the rosy blush on his cheek by putting the microphone away for now and munching on one of the donuts.

All of that under the careful watch of Haruna, whose green eyes were looking him over, stopping at his face, definitely noticing that he was a blushing mess.
Shiki always felt those warm shivers running down his spine whenever Haruna looked at him like that.

Haruna didn't know why it was so enjoyable to look at a donut-eating Shiki. The way he took out one small bite of the sweet pastry after the other and hoe he was chewing and swallowing, his turquoise eyes sparkling, pupils dilating whenever the sweet glaze came in touch with his mouth.
It shouldn't make his heart beat faster…

Maybe Haruna was developing some weird fetish?
It's like Shiki was completely oblivious to the fact that he was acting very cutely while eating or was he doing it on purpose?

Shiki was very well aware that Haruna was watching him intently for a good while now and his turquoise eyes flickered towards the other ever so often.
Was this just him or did the atmosphere here suddenly become very different?

" I-It's really tasty-ssu. I think Harunacchi should try the strawberry one too-ssu" Shiki tried to change the strange mood by picking one of the strawberry flavoured donuts up and holding it out towards the other.

Haruna knew that he should be sad because his girlfriend just broke up with him but when Shiki was right there, holding out a donut while looking like a cute, lost puppy he found that he couldn't care about his ex-girlfriend anymore.
Shiki couldn't be mad at Haruna for wanting to tease him some more when he was acting as adorable as that.

So instead of just taking the donut out of Shiki's hand, he grabbed for the other's wrist, yanking him closer.

Shiki almost let out a high-pitched squeak when Haruna took a bite out of the donut, his lips touching Shiki's fingers entirely on purpose.

Haruna definitely enjoyed how the other trembled, his whole face turning completely red. For someone who works as a Rental Boyfriend it was almost funny how easily embarrassed Shiki got when people obviously flirted with him.

" Mhm.. delicious yes, yes…"

" H-Harunacchi…you idiot-ssu" Shiki stammered out putting the donuts back on the plate to grab for the tablet, hiding his face behind it, and searching for a song to sing.

Shiki was feeling like there were little bolts of electricity shooting through his body.
Damn Haruna for teasing him like that. He could still feel the lingering touch of those soft lips on his fingers and he involuntarily remembered the night of the summer festival once again.

Shiki had to admit to himself that if given the chance, he would kiss Haruna again with no regrets whatsoever because back then had felt indescribably amazing. Although it had been short and Haruna hadn't reacted at all, Shiki wouldn't ever be able to forget.
What it must feel like if Haruna actually kissed back…he couldn't imagine.

Hayato was right. Shiki really was a lovesick puppy, head over heels for a guy…that would never consider him as a potential love interest.

He knew he shouldn't be because he was well aware of how that would end but when Haruna was acting like that how was Shiki supposed to stop himself?

He thought that he had learned his lesson back then and Shiki had sworn to himself to never fall in love again, believing that he wouldn't be able to ever love again but here he was…

He wondered if Haruna was doing this on purpose? Did he find it funny to tease Shiki like that, flirting with him like it was no big deal? Had he catched on to Shiki's feelings eventually?
Although wouldn't it be kind of cruel to act like that when Haruna was aware of the other's feelings? Shiki couldn't believe that Haruna was a guy like that..

No, there was no way. Haruna couldn't know anything and even if he did, he would never return those feelings.
In the end he was probably just teasing because to him it was all games and fun but Shiki found it to be pretty mean.

Shiki wanted to call Haruna out on it but the other beat him to it, posing a question that Shiki didn't expect, coming out of Haruna's mouth at all.

" Did you go to karaoke with your ex-boyfriend too?"

Shiki swallowed hard, keeping quiet for a few seconds.
Now what brought that question on? Out of nowhere? Why was Haruna suddenly interested in stuff like that?

" Yeah we of course did-ssu. It's normal for couples to do stuff like that, isn't it? But why is that important right now?"

Shiki was right. It wasn't something out of the ordinary to do with your partner so why was Haruna so put off by the answer? It was feeling like a painful jab in his chest but Haruna couldn't understand the reason behind it. Was that jealousy? But why?

The next words left Haruna's mouth faster than he could even filter them through his brain.

" Are you still in love with him?"

Once spoken it was too late to take the question back though Haruna instantly regretted asking something so personally.

All that followed was a long silence between them and Haruna was sure that Shiki would probably never talk to him again but then the other opened his mouth.

" I…I don't…I don't…really know-ssu."

Shiki's voice sounded small, broken and choked up, nothing like his normal, energetic one and his fingers that were clutching the tablet were shaking.

Haruna felt like the worst for even asking. Why didn't he think before speaking? He really was an idiot.

After all, Haruna knew the reason why Shiki had to break up with his ex-boyfriend so it wasn't unlikely that even after three years he would still have some sort of feelings for that guy. If things had been different then maybe they would still be together now but that might mean that Haruna would have never met Shiki which, to him, sounded even worse.

He grabbed for the tablet in Shiki's hands carefully pulling it from the other's grasp to be able to look at the other.
Shiki just let it happen not putting up a fight.

Haruna had to swallow hard at those turquoise eyes swimming with so much pain, appearing glassy like their owner was trying very hard not to cry.

" Shiki…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have asked..that was insensitive of me"

" No it's alright-ssu" Shiki fiercely shook his head. "Ya know…I haven't told anyone about this yet but that day I went to the band's rehearsal for the very first time…I happened to run into Reicchi again-ssu. I don't know what he was doing there or why he was in Tokyo all of a sudden, but he was with another guy and they seemed so close-ssu. Reicchi was acting so normal like he didn't even care what had happened-ssu."

" Shiki…why didn't you tell me sooner? That must have been pretty hard for you" Haruna left everything aside right now, reaching out his arms to pull Shiki into a tight hug.

" I wonder what I felt back then seeing them together-ssu. I…just…don't…know…what to feel-ssu. All I did was run away…I really am pathetic-ssu…

" You are nothing of the sort" Haruna whispered, gently putting a hand on the other cheek. " It just happened so unexpectedly of course you didn't know how to react."

How was Haruna able to do this? Just cheering up Shiki with a few simple words and the warmth of his body, that was so comforting.

" I'm sorry Harunacchi. We are here to cheer you up-ssu. But now it's all about me again-ssu."

" Don't sweat it. I'm glad you told me" Haruna answered with a small smile. " Besides, I'm already feeling much, much better."

" I'm still sorry-ssu. You know sometimes I wish that I could just forget everything-ssu."

Turquoise eyes locked with green ones and Haruna wasn't sure what was going on with him or why his chest suddenly felt so tight when Shiki looked at him with those eyes, a small smile gracing over his lips.

" Forgetting, huh?" he whispered quietly, resulting in Shiki giving him a confused look and letting his head fall to one side.

" Harunacchi…?"

Really what has been wrong with him lately? Haruna was annoyed by the fact that he seemingly didn't understand himself anymore. Was he just delusional because Meiko had broken up with him mere hours ago or why was it that Shiki suddenly seemed much cuter than before? Whatever switch it was in his head that flipped right now, Haruna didn't want to think anymore as he leaned in closer.

It was Shiki's fault for tempting him even more when his eyes instinctively fluttered close as soon as Haruna drew nearer into his space, like he was just waiting for it, wanting it so badly.

The last of his brain flew out of the window as soon as their lips touched. Shiki flinched a bit but he soon enough relaxed, shyly but at the same time determined kissing back like he had been longing for it all this time.

The moment was over too soon for Shiki's liking and he held back a disappointed whine when Haruna withdrew from him.
Shiki knew that they shouldn't do this. It was a bad idea but yet he wanted more of those addictive kisses, more of Haruna all for himself even if it was greedy.

It took Shiki a good long moment to come down from cloud nine, the whole situation just starting to dawn on him.

Haruna had kissed him. Haruna had…

Shiki could hardly believe it. From all the things that could have happened tonight…this hadn't crossed his mind once.
At first he was sure, he must be dreaming again but this was real, right?

" W-Why?" Shiki asked almost screeching the words out, sounding like he would die of embarrassment as his whole face turned bright red.

" I just felt like doing it" Haruna answered, shrugging his shoulders like it was no big deal at all.

Except for Shiki it was. Haruna had kissed him of his own free will.
What was happening here? How should he react?
What should he do when he could feel his own heart wanting to jump out of his chest?
Why did he kiss back, probably giving Haruna all sorts of weird ideas?
What should he say now? Shiki had no idea and all he did was keep quiet, hoping that Haruna wouldn't hear the frantic beating of his heart, trying to hide his blush by holding his head low.

The silence dragged on for too long. It was more than Haruna was able to bear so he tried to lighten the mood a bit.

" You know if you keep all quiet, I might start to assume that you actually like my kisses" he said jokingly, being convinced that Shiki would come back at him with a snarky remark but nothing of the sort happened.

Instead Shiki just lifted his head slowly, shyly looking at the other.
His face was beet red but the look in those turquoise eyes, the way he was gazing at Haruna, it said more than a 1000 words ever could.

Haruna felt a warm chill running down his spine and the only thing coming to his mind was how irresistibly cute Shiki was and Haruna, for all he knew, always had a weak spot for everything small and cute.
Which fitted Shiki perfectly to be honest.

" Shit…you are adorable…" he hushed out low, his voice only a mere whisper.

Shiki knew that it was bad. He shouldn't let this continue further because if he did, he was well aware that there was no more turning back for him. Shiki wouldn't be able to be just normal friends anymore.
Yet he didn't resist when Haruna leaned in once more. Yet he did kiss back just as eagerly because in the end Shiki's heart already knew what it wanted, knowing all of those emotions too well and it was probably the reason Shiki couldn't fight this anymore.

His hands were shaking, twisting into Haruna's shirt and he thought that after the second time it would be over but Haruna only gave him enough time to catch his breath before they kissed again.

Shiki's mind was going blank, the chaos in his head finally dissolving and he could feel himself melting into the other's touch, wanting more of it, more of that comforting warmth, nice scent and strong arms holding him extra close.

Haruna's lips were soft and tasting good, sweet like the donuts they had just eaten.
Shiki didn't want to think anymore.
Warm shivers were rolling down his spine when their tongues met for the first time.

Such a deep kiss was a completely new feeling for him because not even Rei had ever kissed him like that but Shiki for all he knew enjoyed every moment of it, wishing that this would never stop, letting himself get washed away by the joy and the pleasure…

~🍹~

Hayato had never been the type to just go along with someone he just met, nor tell them his whole life story but here he was.
He had no idea what it was but somehow being with the other, made him feel so much calmer although they only knew each other for two hours or so, something about Takeru just felt so different.

After they said goodbye to Champ the cat, Takeru had asked if he wanted to come along for a drink or some stuff like that.
Hayato hadn't expected such a request at all but he had agreed without even thinking about it twice and now they were sitting in that small but cozy bar.

" I really don't get it. Like what's so special about him anyways? It's so unfair" Hayato whined, letting his head rest on the table.

" Well I don't know that Haruna guy…but some friends they are leaving you behind like that" Takeru answered matter of factly.

" Right? It's so mean! I never thought Shiki would be like that but of course who would think about me when there's Mister picture perfect boyfriend material Haruna but…come on…some best friend Shiki is…"

" Unrequited love does suck, huh?"

" Hell yeah. I'm so sorry you have to listen to me whine…" Hayato sniffled. " It's just…I never have any luck with love anyways…it really makes you feel so lonely…maybe I'm just not special enough to grab anyone's attention…"

" Well but you did catch mine, didn't you? Although we just met I for one think that Hayato-san is really cool"

What? Did Hayato hear that correctly?
He lifted his head to look at the other who was staring at him with those serious deep blue eyes.

" Not at all. I'm just average…" Hayato mumbled.

" I don't think that."

Was Hayato blushing? He had no idea what face he made right now but it must be one that managed to put a little smile on Takeru's features.

" In all honesty, being here with you is better than sitting at home and playing Beast Slayer all alone" Takeru mumbled.

Oh? Hayato just heard something so good that it made his eyes sparkle with delight.

" Wait, you play Beast Slayer too? Do you like video games?" Hayato practically bolted out, leaning over so he could be closer to Takeru's face.

" Uhm…it is kinda a hobby of mine.." Takeru answered, a bit taken aback by Hayato's sudden enthusiasm.

Wow. Hayato chuckled happily. It seems like he had managed to run into a very interesting guy.

~🍞~

The next day came and Shiki managed to wake up somewhere around three o' clock after spending the whole night awake and only returning home when the trains were operating again.

He'd been feeling delusional ever since waking up, staring into nothing while munching on his toast.

Had last night really happened or had it been a dream?
Shiki wasn't so sure anymore.

Did Haruna really kiss him? Did they really kiss? And not just like normal kissing but sharing such deep kisses…

It couldn't be true.
Shiki felt like he was in the wrong movie but it had been reality, right?

Thinking about it now made Shiki feel all embarrassed and he blushed madly leaving his toast on the plate, to slide down the chair and onto the floor, sitting there with his knees drawn to his chest and hands covering his eyes.

" Oh my gosh-ssu. This is bad. This is really bad-ssu" Shiki mumbled to himself.

Now there was no more turning back for him. Shiki wouldn't be able to ever forget that night and those passionate kisses they shared.

Back then Shiki had lost track of time but for him it had felt like an eternity.
Haruna had seemed like he never wanted to stop either but they were forced to, when one of the staff members entered the room, wanting to know if they needed anything else to drink.

It had been one of the most mortifying moments in Shiki's life and he could still feel the front desk ladies' angered gaze on them when they left the bar later that morning. He couldn't show up to that karaoke place for a good while now.

After that there was a long silence between them before Haruna had tried to apologize but Shiki told him that it was fine and nothing to worry about.

Like why would he be mad at Haruna for kissing him? If anything it was quite the opposite…
They had spent the rest of the night eating, drinking and singing different songs, while Haruna had been holding him close all the time, making Shiki feel like he was in heaven.

Shiki still couldn't believe all of this actually happened and he truly was feeling like on cloud nine.
His heart was beating like madly in his chest and Shiki rigorously shook his head trying to will the blush off his cheeks with an embarrassed squeal.

" Are you okay or are you just an idiot?"

The voice shook Shiki out of his current state and he looked up to see Ren walking into the kitchen, seemingly just having returned from grocery shopping.

" I'm fine-ssu. Totally totes fine even-ssu"

Ren just rolled his eyes, annoyed by Shiki's crazy antics. If his roommate wanted to sit under the table like some weirdo, well so be it.
At least Shiki wasn't a depressed mess anymore.
It was quite the opposite and although Ren would never admit it, he really prefered an energetic and loud Shiki, bouncing around in the flat, waking him up at five in the morning because he had no idea how to use the bathroom quietly.

" So, care to tell me what happened? You've been away the whole night long. Not that I'm really interested but.."

Shiki put his own hands on his rosy cheeks just giggling like some stupid school girl, as he gently rocked himself left and right with closed eyes.

" It's~a~secret~ssu~♡"

Ren let out an annoyed sight, rolling his eyes and wondering why he had allowed Shiki to move in with him back then.

" Whatever…at least it's something good" Ren shrugged his shoulders leaving the kitchen with those last words.

'Good' wasn't even beginning to describe it. Shiki still couldn't believe that he could really be that happy.

There was just…now…what actually meant that for him and Haruna and their relationship?

Shiki had been convinced that Haruna was interested in girls only but if this was true then why did he suddenly kiss Shiki like that?

Was it just out of curiosity? But it had been such a deep and passionate kiss. Would someone really do something like that if they only wanted to test out the waters?

Did Haruna only kiss him like that because he was heartbroken since Meiko broke up with him and Shiki was the only option for comfort he had left?

Then again Haruna could have easily hooked up with any girl if he so desired. Which girl in their right mind would ever say no to a guy like him but in the end Haruna had willingly chosen Shiki to hang out with him. Only the two of them together.

What did all of that mean? Was there any deeper meaning behind all of this?
Shiki felt so confused.
Did it mean that there was a chance for him too?
Even if it was just tiny, if it was there…Shiki would do anything to grab it.

If there was even a small hope that Haruna could reciprocate his feelings one day…no it would be too good to be true.
Shiki shouldn't lose himself in crazy fantasies like that.
Haruna would never consider him…would he?

He shouldn't get his hopes up any further..

Shiki didn't know what to think anymore but he was saved from grinding his brain on the topic any further when his phone on the table went off with another Kumacchi song, signaling that someone was calling him.

Could it be Haruna?
Shiki lifted himself up too hastily, hitting his forehead on the table edge with a painful grunt before he grabbed for his phone, taking the call without even looking.

" Hello-ssu"

" Shiki-kun. Good I could reach you" that was Jun's voice on the other end of the line.
How rare for the other to call him.

" Juncchi-ssu. What is it?"

" I need you to come to the rehearsal room at the uni as soon as possible. I have exciting news to share."

Shiki's whole face lit up in a few milliseconds.

" Exciting news? I'll be there as soon as lightning-ssu!"

Without saying any goodbye Shiki ended the call jumping up with another excited squeal, earning him another annoyed sight from Ren who had just come back to make himself some food.

Today it seemed like it would be a really good day and Shiki scurried into his own room to get himself ready to meet the others.

~🎶~

What Shiki had forgotten though was that this band didn't only consist of Jun, Natsuki and him and once he arrived at the rehearsal room he was punished with Hayato's piercing glares, reminding him that they had left their best friend behind yesterday.

" Hayatocchi I'm so sorry-ssu! We didn't mean to leave you all alone-ssu" Shiki whined, dramatically throwing his arms around the other.

" I was really shocked to find you gone. I mean you could at least have written me a message or something but you just vanished like that…some friend you are."

" I swear I'll make it up to you. I can invite Hayatocchi to dinner or we can go to the movie theaters or shopping or anything Hayatocchi wants-ssu. Only the two of us-ssu"

Hayato willed himself not to blush because for him that sounded almost like they were setting up a date.
How could he even be mad at Shiki for long when the other was looking at him with those turquoise puppy eyes?

" Fine" Hayato finally answered with a sigh. " Actually I need to thank you two because you abandoned me I was able to meet a very interesting guy."

" For reals? I wanna know more-ssu!"

Hayato would have told Shiki everything if it wasn't for Jun interrupting them by audibly clearing his throat.

" Can you discuss that later? I didn't bring you all here to chit-chat."

" Right. I'm sorry. So what's the news?" Hayato asked.

" Well it's this here" Jun presented them a flyer, laying it out on the table.

" This is..an advertisement for a concert with various bands in it-ssu. So what about it?" Shiki was confused, tilting his head to one side.

" You'd know if your brain was able to read further"

It was silent for a long time before Hayato released a shocked shriek, pointing at one of the words.

" That is…" Hayato whispered.

" Our band name in the line up-ssu" Shiki finished that sentence. " Wait does that mean?"

" Exactly. Thanks to my father knowing the host I was able to secure us a spot there." Jun said with a nod of his head.

" Meaning we'll be holding a real concert…" Hayato concluded, his eyes growing wide.

" That is…" Shiki whispered, finally letting go of Hayato. " HYPER, TERRA, GIGA AWESOME-SSU!" he practically screamed jumping out of his chair all enthusiastically, almost knocking over everything.

" It's…a great…opportunity" Natsuki said in that calm voice of his.

" True it is. To be able to perform at the stage with so many other bands is a chance we need to take. The only downside to this is…there's only one month left for practice. We really need to step up our game" Jun said, sounding very serious.

" Aahh trusie. That's really nerve-wrecking-ssu" Shiki whispered flopping back onto his chair.

" I'm gonna practice super hard and write an amazing new song to perform" Hayato sounded like he was close to crying.

" I'm counting on you Hayato. Of course I will help but there's even more" Jun presented them with an envelope. " Each one of us gets two free tickets for the show. You can decide who you want to invite so choose carefully"

" Wowsie that means we really have to make sure that it's gonna be the most mega awesome performance ever-ssu. I'm going to do my best with the new song too-ssu." Shiki suddenly sounded very determined.

" That's why I gathered you here today. I think it would be a good idea to brainstorm on what to do, which songs to perform and that stuff" Jun said looking at all of them.

" Right. It's important that we are prepared." Hayato rubbed the tears out of his eyes. " This is a huge chance so we can't blow this up."

" I'll work…extra hard," Natsuki said.

A real concert, singing in front of so many people. It really was something to be nervous about.
Shiki had never done something like that and he knew that he needed to work hard but if it was for Jun, Natsuki and Hayato he would try his best.
Their music was amazing after all and if Shiki could help it become even more vivid by lending his voice to those beautiful melodies, he would do it.

After all this band had been like a family to him ever since he joined and Shiki wasn't a person to let them down easily…

~🎫~

That afternoon Shiki was sitting in his room looking at the two tickets in his hand.

They had decided on a lot of things they wanted to do for the concert, meaning there would be a lot of practice. Shiki needed to line that up with his work and other activities.

Only one month left before the concert. He was determined to do his best so as to not disappoint the others.

Now he only needed to choose which two people he wanted to invite.
Jun had said to choose carefully but what did that even mean?

Shiki could ask Ren but the other would probably just tell him how annoying he was..

Hayato said that he was going to give the tickets to his older brother and that new guy he had met. In the end they didn't even have the time to talk about this encounter, though Shiki had been really curious about Hayato's new friend.

Shiki looked at his phone. There was a message from Haruna with a picture of some delicious looking donuts that the other got.
Haruna had asked Shiki if he wanted to visit that place together with him next time.
Of course Shiki had replied with an immediate "yes".

If Haruna wanted he would go to all the donut places in the world with him.

God, Shiki was definitely lovesick and although he had no idea how Haruna really felt, he couldn't help but to be happy, dorkily smiling to himself.

Everything that had happened still felt so surreal, making Shiki's heart rate quicken involuntarily. He was confused not knowing if there really was a chance for him or if this all meant nothing.

Should he try or not? The decision was too hard because choosing wrong could end up in another painful heartbreak for him.

He should invite Haruna to the concert.
If Shiki could give a mega awesome performance then Haruna might see how cool he is and that would win his heart over.
Shiki was confident in his singing after all.

Shiki shook his head. He shouldn't lose himself in such ridiculous fantasies.
But were they really?
Wasn't it possible that Haruna actually liked him? Just a little bit?

Like all those deep kisses and all that questioning about Rei…it was kinda suspicious.

Shiki was so confused. What should he do? What was the right decision?
If he really wanted to win Haruna over, though his chances were slim, then…

He looked at the picture on his nightstand, carefully picking it up.
It meant that he needed to let go…

Shiki glanced at the two tickets in his hand. He needed to make a decision.

Would he be able to do it? Forget the past so easily? Could he finally move on from Rei and find new love? Was that possible?

Deep down in his heart he knew that there was only one way to find out…

Chapter Text

Questionable ideas…lately Shiki found that he had a lot of them.
What had he been thinking when deciding to do this? Probably nothing at all.

His finger still hovered over that small white button, unsure if he should really push it.
Shiki’s other hand was busy with holding a small box of donuts and a pink envelope.

What if Haruna wasn't at home or if he was really busy right now?
Shiki didn't want to be a nuisance.
Maybe an unannounced visit wasn't the right way to do this but Shiki had thought that surprising the other would be cool.
Now he wasn't so sure anymore.
There were so many things he hadn't considered before…but…

Now it was too late to turn back. Shiki was already here. He needed to do this.

Taking in a deep breath he finally pushed that button, the doorbell ringing out loud and clear.
Now all that’s left to do for him was waiting.

There was some shuffling sound inside the flat and someone seemed to trip over something with a loud thud.

The voice that was hissing out cursings definitely belonged to Haruna. So he was home. That's good.

Shiki held back his amused chuckle and after a few seconds the door was opened to reveal Haruna.

The first thing Shiki noticed were those green eyes growing large at the sight of him but the next thing were the clothes Haruna was wearing.

Blue sweatpants with a yellow and green shirt, that definitely was too tight, leaving little room for Shiki's imagination.

How could someone, who presumably ate 50 donuts a day, be that well-built? What kind of black magic was Haruna using?
It was also the first time that Shiki saw the other without his signature headband on and to be honest, Haruna with his hair down looked even better.

" H-Hello-ssu" Shiki stammered out realizing that he probably should say something instead of just staring like an idiot.

Haruna smiled all softly at him, making Shiki's heart melt in an instant.
" Well that's a surprise but I'm glad to see you."

" I-I hope I'm not disturbing you or stuff-ssu. I just…I bought donuts-ssu"

" Well if you have donuts then you are more than welcomed" Haruna chuckled, stepping aside to let the other enter before closing the door behind them. " I wasn't really busy, just taking a shower. So can I get you something to drink?"

" I guess just water is fine for now-ssu” Shiki mumbled out while taking off his shoes.

How was he supposed to go on about this? Why had he even bought donuts in the first place? Shiki should have just given Haruna that ticket and leave but maybe subconsciously he had wanted to stay here longer and that's why he brought snacks like an idiot.

" So what gives me the honour? I'm guessing you're not just here to give me donuts?" Haruna asked after they've taken a seat at the small table.
He was smiling at Shiki all brightly and Shiki could feel how his heart did a weird flip at that.
If he could only will it to be still. He was sure that he'd been blushing too.
Really being in love was so annoying, Shiki had almost forgotten what it was like.

" No it's not only that-ssu" Shiki whispered out, carefully shoving the box of donuts towards Haruna before producing a small envelope out of the pocket of his plaid shirt, holding it out towards the other as well.

" What's that? It isn't my birthday or anything?" Haruna asked leaning in closer to take the envelope out of Shiki's hands, deliberately ignoring the small bolts of electricity running through his body when their fingers came in contact.
The pink colour of the paper was just so typical for Shiki, that Haruna couldn't help but to smile.

" Well you see we'll be having a real concert at the end of the month-ssu" Shiki explained while Haruna opened up the envelope to look inside. " It will be hyper giga awesomies with a full on stage and other bands and a real crowd listening to our songs-ssu. I'd be so mega glad if Harunacchi would come and listen to us-ssu."

There was a short moment of silence with Haruna looking at the ticket before he answered.

" I wouldn't miss it. Wow a real concert, that's such a big thing. Hayato must be over the moon."

" I think we all are-ssu. Imagine it happening makes me like super awesome nervousie-ssu. Like I've been racking my brain back and forth about all the possibilities. Ooh but…it's also badsie news because I'll be so busy with rehearsal and work this month I won't be able to meet Harunacchi often-ssu"

" Shame…" Haruna really seemed to be down for a few seconds before he grinned all cheekily. " That just means I will have to rent you out more often."

Shiki wasn't sure if it was possible for your head to explode due to overheating because he surely felt like his whole face must have turned a flaming red colour, that hotness in his cheeks wasn’t normal.
There was no way in hell that Haruna wasn't doing this on purpose.

Shiki tried to remember how to breathe correctly, his mind trying to tell his heart to finally shut up and not beat so loudly, the whole apartment complex was most likely able to hear.
A comment like this shouldn't make him so happy, that he was losing focus.

" Harunacchi you idiot, you do know that you don't have to pay me to spend time with you-ssu. Use your money for better things-ssu."

" Oh but being able to spend time with you…I think it's one of the best things. Worth every yen" Haruna said all casually, helping himself out with the donuts.

That's it. Shiki was sure his head would explode any second given the fact that it felt as hot as a volcano ready to erupt.
How could Haruna say such a thing so casually? Like it was no big deal when for Shiki it meant everything.

Did Haruna like him in that way or not? Shiki wasn't so sure and all he could do was to stare at the other with wide eyes and the brightest blush all over his face.

" Harunacchi…I…" Shiki tried to form a sentence as he leaned over the table. The words " I love you" were on the tip of his tongue but he bit them back. Shiki couldn't tell Haruna that. Not now.

" Yes?" Haruna asked, leaning in further.

They were so close, Shiki was able to feel the other's breath tickling his nose.
It sure seemed like Haruna was about to kiss him again and oh, how Shiki wanted that.
He was craving the touch so badly, his eyes automatically fluttered halfway close.

Just a few more inches. Shiki was anticipating it, his body slightly trembling and heart flipping madly.
If Haruna only knew…

Shiki almost choked when instead of lips there was something sweet shoved into his mouth a bit too forcefully, his eyes shooting open.
Donut?

" You should try! They are really good!" Haruna bolted out with a stupid smile on his face, before leaning back and turning his head away to munch on his own.

What? Shiki didn't understand anymore. He thought that Haruna would kiss him but what's this?

He grabbed the donut with both hands taking a bite out of it and looking at Haruna all confused.
Was it just him or did the atmosphere completely change in seconds?

Haruna tried his best to hide his blush from the other by turning entirely away.
That was way too close.
He almost ended up kissing Shiki…again.
What was wrong with him?
The last time too…why couldn't he hold himself back?
Although back then Shiki had assured him that it was fine…for Haruna to just go ahead and kiss someone like that…another guy nonetheless.
Not only this but kissing Shiki without asking for his consent FIRST thing.
Like who does that?

Even if it was okay for Shiki, to Haruna it still felt like he crossed a line he shouldn’t have.
You just don't do stuff like that. It wasn't fine or anything and now almost…again.

It was only because Shiki was acting so cute that Haruna wasn't acting like himself lately.
He'd always been easily carried away by all things and people small and cute.
That must be the reason why he was so out of it.

But was it really? Haruna wasn't so sure anymore.
Then again what was it with Shiki anyways? First kissing him and not even minding Haruna doing the same but then straight up telling him that he doesn't like him?

What was Shiki feeling for him exactly? Haruna didn't really know but Shiki's behaviour was confusing him more than anything. It was frustrating really…

" Harunacchi…?"

Well Haruna tried his best to calm himself down taking in steady breaths before turning around once more.

" It's good, isn't it?"

" Huhn…it really is-ssu" Shiki answered with a nod, eyes focusing on the donut in his hands.

Damn it, why was he looking so disappointed all of a sudden?
Haruna felt like he wasn't understanding this guy at all.

" A-Anyway a concert that's really, really amazing. I'll be starting with my new part-time job soon but I'll make sure to come, no matter what. Big promise."

" Oh? Harunacchi is working part-time?"

" Yeah I always have. My mother isn't super rich so I'll have to work too if I want to be able to afford my studies, this flat and everything. It's mostly jobs at the construction site. I took a bit of time off this summer since I had a lot of savings but now that it's September already…"

Work at the construction site? Well that explained how Haruna was able to eat donuts like a black hole and still be this well-built. So he didn’t possess a black magic book after all.

" Wowsies Harunacchi is all mega seriously mature. I never expected that-ssu" Shiki was genuinely surprised by this new information.

" What's that supposed to mean? Like what kind of image do you have of me in your head?" Haruna sounded almost offended.

" Hmm…you'd like to know-ssu" Shiki simply answered with a cheeky little grin.

" Feisty aren't we?"

" Just for you-ssu"

Haruna had to giggle at Shiki acting all cocky, even going as far as to stick his tongue out before continuing to eat his donut.

" You really are something else, huh?" Haruna reached his hand over the small table, gently patting over the other's head, not failing to notice the faint blush on Shiki's cheeks and the way his pupils slightly grew wider.
He was definitely irresistibly cute.

Gentle, warm, caring, reliable….were just a few of the words Shiki could fill his
"Reasons why Harunacchi is perfect"-notebook with.
The way they could be so playful around each other, joking around like idiots and having a few stupid ideas.
How Haruna was able to make him laugh so easily, giving Shiki the feeling like he could be himself and not needing to hide anymore.

Shiki wasn't sure which of all those things he loved the most.
If only he could tell Haruna…but then…what then? What would happen if Haruna knew? Shiki couldn't imagine.

This was most likely their last chance to spend some time together before life would get super busy and they wouldn't be able to meet up as often.

Shiki didn't want to be gloomy and rather enjoy this moment while it lasted because no one was able to tell when the next time would be.

~🍩~

Three weeks went by so fast and Haruna had tried to keep himself busy with university and work.
Not that he had any other choice. Basically all of his weekdays were like going to university and then his part time job, getting home late and falling right into bed just to repeat the same routine the next day.

" Good work today Haruna-san" one of his co-workers said, patting his shoulder and Haruna smiled, answering with a " You too."

Really he was just beat and wanted to return home as soon as possible.
Not that Haruna would ever complain. He needed the money after all and it was thanks to his mother, working her butt off day by day, that he even was able to come this far in life.

Once he finishes university and gets a proper teaching job he would make sure to repay her.

Haruna couldn't wait to crawl into bed. Tomorrow he finally had a day off, so he could sleep in and catch up on doing some chores.

Sadly enough Shiki was too busy with his own work and the band to meet up with him. Just like predicted their meetings had become very sacred these past few weeks.

His phone had one new message from Shiki who had sent him another stupid sticker. This has basically become their way of conversation in the chat, just sending each other stickers and emojis.
Hayato had wondered how they were even able to communicate like that but Shiki always got what Haruna wanted to say and vice-versa.

At least they could always call each other on video chat and talk about all and nothing.
Those little moments were what motivated Haruna to keep going and do his best.

Sometimes he wondered if it was weird that he had gotten so attached to Shiki in such a short time.
They basically knew each other for around only four months but they just clicked together so well, imagine a life without that hyper ball of energy, Haruna couldn't do it.

A week left until the day of the concert. Haruna was sure that Shiki and Hayato were already dying of anxiety but to be honest, he looked forward to it.

Haruna would finally be able to see Shiki again after such a long time and he was sure the other would practically shine on stage.

He had kept the concert ticket all the while, neatly storing it in his drawer near the bed. Haruna had made sure to get this evening off from work so he could watch his friends perform.
This was such a huge opportunity for them but Haruna…
He really missed that idiot Shiki…

Even if they were constantly writing or calling each other it wasn't the same as actually meeting.
Haruna had been thinking about Shiki every free minute, so much that his head almost hurted from it.

All of his thoughts were consumed by the other boy and he wondered if it had always been like that?
Haruna tried to keep himself busy with stuff so as to not think too much but it was especially hard on his way home from work.

Besides it being late there were still enough people and Haruna spotted a couple sitting next to each other, the girl leaning against her boyfriend's shoulder.

It made him remember the first time they went to karaoke together.
Shiki had been dozing off on his shoulder too while Haruna had tried to bring them both to his small apartment.

People had been giving them weird looks on the train. Though at that moment Haruna didn't care at all. When his eyes had settled onto Shiki's sleeping face, drooling on his shoulder all serene, Haruna knew one thing for sure: He would do just about anything to protect the other.

That feeling hadn’t changed since then but still it was different from before. It wasn’t the same protective instinct Haruna had with all of his other friends.
In all these months something about his relationship with Shiki had changed but Haruna couldn’t quite figure out what it was yet.

It wouldn’t do him any good to dwell on this for too long.
As Haruna turned on the lights in his apartment he thought that maybe one day he might just figure out what all of these new feelings meant.

Was it love? But clearly Shiki was a guy and Haruna for all he knew never felt such emotions, not even when he was in love with a girl.
So did he really like Shiki or was it something else entirely?

Haruna had no answers and he took out his phone while waiting for his pre-cooked food to heat itself up in the small microwave.
It was almost midnight. Shiki was probably asleep already considering how busy he’s been this month.

Besides that Haruna still opened his messenger app to write a short “Good Night'' message. This also had become kind of their thing over time. Haruna would always write Shiki a message before going to sleep and after waking up.
It was a way for Haruna to make sure that Shiki was doing okay, that his day had been a good one and that he’d been waking up the next morning and also he knew that Shiki secretly liked it and if it was making the other boy happy then Haruna would do it for the rest of their lives.

“ Good Job today~ Please take a good rest⭐. Can’t wait for the weekend. I miss you.”

….
Wait a second…
Haruna couldn’t send something like this…
Could he?

His finger was hovering over the send button, not sure what to do. How would Shiki react to such a message?
Wasn’t this kinda too much? What if he accidentally gave the other a wrong idea? Then again they already kissed twice…
So if anything Shiki already had a wrong idea…

But hold on Haruna wasn’t even sure if Shiki actually liked him in that way. Maybe he was just going along with the flow after all and maybe Haruna was doing the same…or maybe not.

Screw it all. Haruna really had enough of all this overthinking for today, he was tired and just wanted to wolf down his food, take a quick shower and hop into bed so in the end Haruna decided to just hit the send button and see where that takes him.

After eating and showering and trying to not think about Shiki for once Haruna could finally flop into his bed to rest but now that everything was dark and quiet his thoughts once again drifted back.

This was super annoying and Haruna grumbled, taking one of his pillows and smashing it against his face with another indignant whine.
He had thought that not being able to see Shiki would help him calm down but it was the opposite.
Haruna couldn’t remember ever feeling this anxious and all he wished for was that this week would end soon because all he wanted was to see the other again so badly….
It was all he could think of until he finally managed to fall into an uneasy slumber…

The next morning came way faster than Haruna had expected but at least he had a day off so he could do everything at a way slower pace. Like eating breakfast and writing a good morning message to Shiki, smiling as he read over the other’s reply saying that he also missed him “mega, giga, terra max”.

He would venture out later, go for a small walk and buy some groceries to fill up his fridge. Having a lazy day after all this stress maybe wasn’t such a bad idea.

Just four days left before the concert. Haruna was already thinking about what to wear and where to go after the performance. He already researched some places close to the venue for them to celebrate afterwards because Haruna was sure that his four friends would succeed, especially with Shiki as their vocalist.

There he was again. Shiki here and Shiki there. Haruna truly was under some kind of spell.
Some fresh air surely would do him some good so after finishing his breakfast Haruna got himself ready to move out.

The end of September was almost here and autumn had laid itself all over Tokyo colouring the trees in all kinds of red, yellow, orange and brown.
It was a sunny day and Haruna enjoyed the warmth on his skin.

A stroll through the nearby park, before getting his groceries, that didn’t sound so bad. He'd bet that it was beautiful there.
Haruna only wished that he wouldn't have to do it alone.
Shiki definitely would enjoy the sight of the colourful leaves too.

They would just walk side by side, talking about the most random stuff, jumping into piles of leaves and laughing all the while.
Haruna should take Shiki with him the next time before it gets too cold and all the trees lose their leaves .

The streets were as busy as always and Haruna waited at a crosswalk to go to the other side. If only he could see Shiki today…if they could be together…Haruna picked his head up to look at the other side of the road.

Wait a second…wasn’t this? Haruna squinted his eyes but there on the other side. Those clothes, those hair…
Haruna felt like his breathing and heart stopped for a short few seconds.

Why was Shiki here all of a sudden? Was this an illusion? No that couldn’t be. Haruna was sure that he was awake and that his morning tea had tasted pretty normal.
Shiki didn’t seem to notice him and Haruna wanted to call out but he was stopped as soon as a girl walked up to his friend.

Haruna got it in a second. Oh, so Shiki was working.
It was impressive…the way Shiki smiled so charmingly at his date, reaching out his hand for the girl to take.
He was pretty good at pretending and Haruna wondered if there were other things Shiki was good at faking too?

It was best not to interrupt and Haruna turned the corner, deciding to take another route to his destination.
Really he wanted to talk to the other but he needed to hold himself back. Barging in on a date would be so rude. Even if it wasn’t a real date…
Shame though because as far as Haruna could tell it had been a pretty cute girl. Fit to be with Shiki. Then again Haruna knew that Shiki just wasn’t swinging that way and in all honesty it was kind of a relief because if he did then Haruna was sure there’d be a lot of girls interested in a guy like Shiki.

Once again Haruna was thinking weird stuff but he couldn’t help it. His mind wondered what that would be like …dating Shiki for real.
What if one day Shiki found a new boyfriend? Haruna had never thought about that possibility but somehow it didn’t sit right with him just like that time when he believed that there might be more between Shiki and Hayato than plain friendship.

Though Haruna still wasn’t sure about Hayato in that aspect. What if Hayato actually liked Shiki and if they ended up together?
Somehow that made Haruna’s insides twist painfully when normally he should be happy for his friends.

All of this was so stupid…just like Shiki and his strange behaviour. Did he like Haruna or not? How was Haruna supposed to know and what would he do if Shiki actually confessed to him? Another thing Haruna hadn’t thought about yet…

Frustrating…everything has been frustrating lately.
Haruna picked a flower from the side of the road with a sight. What was the right thing to do? The next step to take?
Carefully he proceeded to rip out one petal after the other mumbling to himself.

“ He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…”

continuing until he reached the last petal.

“ He loves me…” Haruna couldn’t help the blush creeping onto his cheeks and he threw the flower away with a huff.

This was downright idiotic. Like how old was he? Twelve?
Really one would have thought that at the age of 23 he would have already figured it all out but to be honest Haruna was overwhelmed with all of these new emotions, he couldn’t quite put a name to yet.
Would he be able to understand all of this one day?

~🎵~

" But I can't sing anymore, my throat’s going to be all sore-ssu" Shiki whined, placing his head on the table he was sitting at.

" What? Are you slacking off?" Jun scolded.

" Am not-ssu. This training regime is going to kill me for suresy sure-ssu. I have to work after the rehearsal, ya knowsie?"

" Maybe taking a little break wouldn't be so bad. We've already come this far. I mean it’s only two days but we’ve figured out everything. the songs are perfect, the performance, the outfits, everything is"

Jun just sighted at Hayato's suggestion before slowly nodding his head.
" Fine"

" After all…rest is.. important too…I think it’s okay to…go easier…now" Natsuki mumbled.

" Nnnghh…I wannaaa eat donuts-ssu"

Hayato snorted amused at Shiki’s whining.
" Now you really sound like Haruna”

“ Ah Harunacchi…I miss Harunacchi-ssu…” Shiki sounded like he was close to crying.

“ Well it’s only two days…you’ll survive” Hayato sighed, brushing a hand through Shiki’s black hair.
Honestly, Haruna had no idea what a lucky guy he was.

Hayato was right. Only two days left.
Shiki gulped audibly. He was feeling pretty nervous and not only because of the concert.
After giving the first ticket to Haruna he had pondered for so long if it really was the right thing to do but in the end he did it anyway and he’d never felt so anxious in his whole live when he had left the second ticket in the care of the university's chairman, hoping that he would give it to that one specific person alongside with Shiki’s letter.

He wondered if Rei had received it by now and even more so if he actually would show up to the concert. Shiki didn’t know how else he would be able to talk to him and finally find his peace with what happened three years ago.
Shiki needed to end this properly and not run away like he’d used to. Only then would he be able to take the next step into the future.

It was risky but if there was a small chance then Shiki needed to try, even if Haruna might end up rejecting him after all. It was still better than being stuck forever but Shiki would be lying if he said that his nerves weren’t getting the better of him. Talking with Rei after such a long time, after they ended their relationship on such terms…
Shiki needed to try…apologising, talking this out…anything…for Haruna…

He carefully pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening up his conversation with Haruna once again reading over Haruna’s Good Night message from two days ago.
Haruna missed him…
Shiki had read over those few sentences at least ten times when he first received them, believing that his eyes were playing a trick on him.
Such a simple message but it had left Shiki feeling so happy and warm even now he was probably smiling like an idiot when reading over it and he pressed his phone close to his chest.
Two days left…

~🎤~

The time had come.
Haruna looked himself over in the mirror once more.
Okay not that bad, really.

Haruna made sure to get himself ready early enough so he wouldn’t be late. Normally he was always rather unpunctual but not tonight.
This was important after all and it would be good to arrive early at the venue.

Haruna checked over his belongings, wallet, key, phone and most importantly the concert ticket.
Everything there. He was ready to go out and watch his friends perform.
His heart made a little flip knowing that he would be able to see Shiki again after so long and he couldn’t help his lips twitching up into a small smile.

When he closed the door behind him Haruna was sure that tonight would be special.
Maybe this was the night that would change things forever…

Chapter Text

“ I can’t do it-ssu! It’s impossible-ssu!” Shiki was definitely panicking right now. Only a few more minutes then it would be their turn to perform.

Right out there were so many people and the stage was so huge. All those people would hear him sing and see him perform. It was impossible!
There was no way Shiki could do it and what made it even worse was that his ex-boyfriend probably was out there too.
What had Shiki been thinking?

“ Please Shiki-kun calm down,” Jun said.

“ It will be okay, I know it. You’ve been practicing so hard and you are looking great. Shiki is super amazing so I’m sure everyone will be in awe” Hayato tried to assure his best friend, placing both of his hands on Shiki’s shoulders.

Shiki tried to remember how to breathe correctly, raking in deep and steady breaths.
Hayato was right, they’ve been working their butts off for this moment.
He’d be able to do it if he just stayed calm and remembered everything.

“ Thanksies Hayatocchi. Whatever would I do without you-ssu” Shiki smiled, lightly pushing their foreheads together.

The action alone made Hayato shiver, the faintest rosy blush appearing on his cheeks.
" S-Sure that's what friends are for after all"

" Hayato is right. We've all been doing our best and your voice improved a lot this past month. So it'll be fine and if anything happens we'll be here to back you up"

" Juncchi…" Shiki sniffled, definitely moved by the words from their stoic keyboardist.

" Don't even think about hugging," Jun huffed.

" The most important thing is…to be you…and have fun. That's already good enough…I think" Natsuki let his head fall to one side.

" That's the spirit! We are not only a band but also friends so whatever happens tonight…let's enjoy ourselves" Hayato reached his arm out in front of him.

" Agreed" Jun simply answered, also reaching out his arm and placing his hand on top of Hayato's.

Natsuki nodded, doing the same as the other two, his hand finding its way on top of Jun's.

Now they all were looking at Shiki and besides the fact that he still was feeling nervous, he was also excited and giddy. Shiki wanted to go out there and show everyone what he got.
Right he'd made this a moment no one would ever forget.

He placed his hand on top of Natsuki's with an excited smile.
" Totes agreed-ssu. We got this-ssu."

Hayato nodded his head firmly once.
" Well then everyone let's do this! We are Joker…"

" Unbeatable!!" all four of them shouted out in unison.

~🎤~

Haruna hadn't been at a concert in such a long time he'd almost forgotten how crowded it could get.
So far all of the performing acts hadn't been that bad and Haruna was glad Shiki invited him to join.

Next up it was HighxJoker's turn and for some unfathomable reason Haruna was feeling nervous, like he was the one performing on stage, when he was just here in the crowd, fingers crossed and wanting to do his best cheering on his friends.

Just a few more minutes left.
Haruna couldn't wait to see Shiki again even if it was only from afar.
He was sure that the other boy would definitely shine on stage.

There was only one thing that had bothered Haruna ever since Hayato had mentioned it to him last week.

Shiki never told him that he got two tickets nor who he gave that second ticket to.
Like he wanted to keep it a secret…but why?
Haruna hadn't asked yet because he figured there might be a reason and Shiki had been very busy anyways.
If Shiki didn't want to tell him…forcing him to say it definitely wasn't right.

At first Haruna believed Shiki might have invited his roommate Ren but then why would he keep that a secret? Or didn't he give away the second ticket at all?

Honestly lately Haruna felt like he didn’t understand Shiki or what he was thinking anymore.
The other had become like one of those long, pictureless books you’d give up reading after a few sites because all the words in it were so confusing.

He hadn’t the time to dwell on this any longer though as suddenly someone bumped into him from the side.

“ Ah, pardon me. I didn’t mean to run into you like that…”

Haruna looked at the stranger with a raised eyebrow. He appeared to be around his age, though he kinda looked younger, around Hayato’s height, so pretty small, with blue eyes and black hair, that were tied into a tiny, mid-height ponytail at the back.

“ It’s alright…it’s pretty crowded here after all…” Haruna answered, shrugging his shoulders.

“ Well normally I don’t visit concerts like this, not my type of music”

“ Then why are you here?” Haruna didn’t know if he should feel annoyed by some stranger suddenly chatting to him or if he should be happy to have someone he could talk to. He didn't want to appear rude though…

“ Because I got invited by a let's say old friend of mine. His band is supposed to play next so I wanted to get a better view but people here push you around so much, very annoying…”

Now that made Haruna prick up his ear, could that possibly mean…

“ You know HighxJoker? They are friend’s of mine too. I got invited by Shiki-kun”

“ So that means you must be a dear friend to Shiki,” the stranger concluded.

“ What’s your name?” Haruna asked straightforwardly.

The other boy looked at him kinda confused, seemingly not sure if he should tell Haruna that but then he still opened his mouth.

“ It’s Kagura…Kagura Rei…”

And with just those few words everything became crystal clear to Haruna all at once. That’s the reason why Shiki never mentioned the second person at all.

Haruna appeared to be calm on the outside but inside there was a storm raging on.
Why? Why would Shiki invite his ex-boyfriend to the concert?
What was he trying to do?
Had he lost the last of his brain cells?

Unbelievable…completely irrational.
Shiki must have definitely lost his mind.
What was going on here?
Haruna had already been confused for these past weeks but now he was entirely baffled just gaping at Rei like the other was some kind of alien or that stuff.

He would have said something else but then the lights in the hall were going dark leaving only the stage lit up.
It was starting.
The curtain was rising.
There were cheers from the audience and Haruna had to pry his eyes away from Rei for now.

“ Good evening everyone-ssu. We are HighxJoker and I’m the vocalist Shiki. Did y’all had mega giga cray, cray fun tonight? Let’s hype it up even more-ssu!”

They had just been talking on the phone mere hours ago but for Haruna it still felt like he hadn’t heard Shiki’s voice in ages.
That energetic and cheerful tone, that infected everyone with such positive vibes in only seconds. How much he had missed it…

People were clapping and cheering and Haruna wasn’t able to take his eyes off Shiki for only a millisecond, completely forgetting about Rei right next to him.

Shiki looked good in a black and white checkered shirt, with a red tie and a fedora on his head.
Hayato, Jun and Natsuki were wearing matching outfits but with little alterations here and there, for example Natsuki wasn’t wearing a red tie but a bowtie instead.

Haruna could almost picture them all going shopping and Shiki excitedly running around the store choosing clothes for everyone.

He saw Shiki exchanging one last look with Hayato, then the music started and everything was like…Haruna had thought it would be.

Shiki’s presence on stage…was outworldly.
The way he sang and moved over the stage, like he’d never done anything else in his entire life.
How he was able to put people under his spell without even trying.
Though it was his first time Haruna was convinced that Shiki was born for this, like it was what he’d been meant to do from the start.
Not hiding in karaoke rooms but being out there on the stage and sparkling brighter than Haruna had ever seen.

Shiki was magnetizing and Haruna couldn’t help the mad beating of his own heart as he watched him perform like that, forgetting everything that was around them…

~💖~

" YOU WERE SO AMAZING!" Hayato cried out at the top of his lungs hugging Shiki close while bailing his eyes out.

" It was the best-ssu! I never thought singing on a big stage could be so much fun-ssu! The people were so giga hyped up and Hayatocchi was mega max cool-ssu!"

" I think we left a good impression. It's thanks to everyone working so hard. Shiki-kun really did an amazing job out there" Jun agreed with the nod of his head.

" Oh…does that mean?" Natsuki whispered.

" Yes. He's allowed to stay…at least for now"

" Did you hear that, Shiki? You are officially Jun approved now" Hayato giggled.

" BEST MEGA MAX DAY EVER-SSU! I promise I'll do my best-ssu! I'm hyper excited! I'll be able to sing the cool songs Hayatocchi composes-ssu"

Hayato had tried hard to squash his feelings down for the sake of Shiki and Haruna but when the other said stuff like that it was hard for him to keep calm and stop the frantic beating of his heart or the blush wanting to creep all over his face.

How he wished that one could just erase feelings like that but it wasn't so easy because deep down Hayato knew that he hadn't given up entirely on this love yet. Even if he didn't stand a chance because there was no way Shiki would ever see him like that…

Letting go wasn't as simple as Hayato thought it would be…would he ever be able to forget those feelings?

Hayato just really wanted to see Takeru right now…

" Let's get ready and meet up with everyone. This calls for a celebration"

Right, this reminded Shiki of something.
He let go of Hayato but was still holding the other’s hands in his own.

“ Ya go on ahead, okaysie? There’s still somethin' I need to do-ssu”

“ W-What? No, I wanna come with you”

“ That’s not possible-ssu. I’ll be there just trust me, kay?” Shiki mustered up his best smile before taking off his hat and placing it on top of Hayato’s head. “ Meanwhile, take care of it for me-ssu.”

Hayato didn’t understand what was going on but he nodded anyway, grabbing the hat with both his hands.

“ I’ll see you later, mega big promise-ssu.”

Hayato couldn’t do anything but to watch with wide eyes and a bright blush how Shiki turned around, leaving the backstage area to go to god knows where.

“ You really are too simple minded Hayato”, Jun huffed right behind him, making the other squeak out in surprise.

“ W-What?”

“ You’ll understand sooner or later…”

As soon as he was out of sight, Shiki’s feet started to run at their own accord, towards the very infamous back entry.

Would he be there? Did he get Shiki’s letter? Or did he decide not to show up after all?

Anyways it was too late to go back now.
Shiki wouldn’t run away, not anymore. He's been doing it for three whole years. Enough is enough.

His heart was beating loudly in his eardrums as he carefully opened that back door, setting foot outside into the rather chilly night.

“ And here I thought you decide to not show up in the end”

Shiki turned around to the voice, facing the person it belonged to.

“ Reicchi…”

“ It’s kinda funny that you still call me that after such a long time”

“ I can’t believe…you really came-ssu..”

“ Honestly, I considered not to, given the fact that you didn’t even manage to give me the ticket and the letter by yourself but in the end curiosity won me over. I always knew that you had a special talent. You really performed well today on stage. Being the vocalist of a band suits you but I always knew that.”

“ I’m sorry I just…didn’t know…if I’d be able to find you..in a university…this big-ssu” Shiki whispered.

Somehow he hadn’t thought the situation through at all.
What should he say to Rei after such a long time. How should he even start?

The last time they really talked to each other was when Shiki heartlessly broke up with him and ran away without any explanation... which wasn't a good base for a conversation.

“ So why did you bring me here? Knowing you it wasn’t just because you wanted to boast to me about being in a band” Rei asked, looking at Shiki so firmly like he was talking to a normal friend and not his ex-boyfriend after all.

“ I…I just…I know..that…it doesn’t matter what I say…or do…there’s no way to properly…apologize for what I did…but I…” Shiki felt that his whole body was shaking and he didn’t know what to say, his eyes casting to the ground.

“ You mean that you broke up with me without further explanation and cut off every contact whatsoever?” Rei stated the obvious, making Shiki flinch and wishing that he didn’t come here after all. “ Yes, that was very cruel of you and then I see you again three years later and you run away once more. To be honest back in high school after everything…I…I really hated you…you left me alone in such an awful place wondering for years what I did wrong…”

Shiki knew there was just no way. Of course Rei would hate him. He’d done something so horrible and then broke off every contact, running away three years long, not even thinking about ever contacting him again.

He was preparing for the worst, expecting to get hit or something when Rei stepped closer because after all he knew that he deserved it.
Shiki waited for a slap or something but in the end it never came.

Just two small hands cupping his cheeks, forcing him to look into the blue eyes of their owner.
Eyes that once were so familiar to Shiki, eyes he had loved so much but they became so distant over time.

“ It took me a while…to come to terms with all of it but in the end I understood…you did it because you wanted to protect me…because that’s what you’ve been doing from the start. Ever since you stumbled in that room like the idiot you are”

“ I…I was just afraid…that if…if you stayed with me…people might avoid you and it would ruin your dream…of becoming a professional violinist-ssu. I couldn’t…let such talent…go to waste…if I’d be responsible for shattering your dream…I knew I could never live with it-ssu. Back then I did…what I thought was the right thing to do-ssu...though the way I did it..” Shiki’s voice was shaking, cracking with every new word.

All the pain and the sadness he’s been trying to hide for three years finally broke free and it did hurt a whole lot but it also felt relieving to finally let all of this out.

“ In the end you always were a good-hearted weirdo and I could never bring myself to truly hate you although so much had happened. You know back then I wouldn’t have cared…even if my dream would have been ruined…if I could have stayed with you forever…I’d have followed you everywhere. I truly loved you and thanks to you…I’ve been able to change. I could finally open up to people. Talk to them normally. The first year after the break up was really hard on me but then I met Kei-san…”

“ Your new boyfriend?” Shiki asked, pretty sure Rei was talking about that guy he saw him with the last time but the other shook his head.

“ No. More like a teacher, good friend, someone amazing I could look up to. Spending time together with him…it made me realize that there's no sense in dwelling on the past. It’s better to live in the moment. Everything that happened…I'm sure there was a reason behind it. It was faith that our paths crossed and I don’t regret that but they were never meant to become one”

“ Reicchi you…”

“ You see Shiki-kun. There’s no need to apologize. Of course your actions have left a mark on me and I can’t forgive you just like that but I learned to live with the scar” Rei let go of the other’s face taking a step back. “ I just hope that you feel guilty about it from time to time and forget about it someday like all ordinary people do. Don’t burden yourself with the past for too long”

“ Thank you Reicchi. That’s more than I could hope for-ssu” Shiki whispered out astonished, relieved, not knowing if this was really happening.

“ There’s just one thing I wanna know…what brought this up all of a sudden? Honestly I thought you would never talk to me again”

“ Well I really felt like…I needed closure from this to be able to move on because ya know…there’s someone new I’m in love with…I think-ssu” Shiki admitted shyly.

Rei’s lips twitched up into a small smile.

“ Is that so? Then I hope you’ll be able to find true happiness with that person. I’d be very glad if you keep me updated via e-mail from time to time. Still the same as back then.”

Shiki couldn’t suppress his small giggle. Of course Rei wouldn’t change his e-mail in the past years. That was so typical of him.

“ I will-ssu. I’m mega max happy I could talk to you-ssu. Though my friends are waiting for me so…”

“ I got it. I’m also getting picked up by Kei-san soon so I guess I see you around university then” with those last words and a nod of his head Rei turned around walking off in the other direction.

It felt like there was a huge weight lifting off Shiki’s shoulders all of a sudden and he hastily rubbed the tears out of his eyes that threatened to overflow.
He did it, he went ahead and faced his past and now he was finally free from it.
Shiki couldn’t believe it. It felt so surreal after everything he’d been through these past years.

Now he could move on, now he’d be able to live in the present and face it head on…speaking of…Shiki wanted to find Haruna as quickly as possible.
He returned inside of the venue to get himself ready to meet up with his friends feeling all excited and hyped up.

Haruna had never meant to overhear all this and he was still left standing around the corner, shocked to the core.
After the concert had been over he had just wanted to talk to Rei for a bit to find out more about Shiki’s past, so he’d been following the other but before he could approach him Shiki had shown up out of nowhere.

Haruna should have turned around and walk away, letting them talking it out because he knew that eavesdropping wasn’t the right thing to do but his feet wouldn’t move, glued to the spot and only now were they able to make wobbly steps again, leading Haruna away back to the main entrance where they decided to meet up with everyone.

So this was the reason why Shiki had invited his ex-boyfriend to the concert, to talk about what happened and find closure with it because…
Someone new he was in love with…
Haruna couldn’t believe what he’d been hearing. He grabbed for his own cheeks, which suddenly felt super hot, convinced that he must be blushing madly.

No, no this was bad. What was Haruna thinking? That didn’t necessarily mean that Shiki had been referring to him because there were enough other people that could be a possible love interest for Shiki but then the way he always acted around Haruna and the kisses they shared at that night of karaoke. More so the fact that Shiki hadn’t mentioned this meeting with Rei to him even once.
What else could all of that mean?
Could that really be true?
What was he supposed to do now or to think?

“ Harunacchi!”

He turned around as soon as he heard the familiar voice.
Shiki was waving at him from a distance with the brightest smile on his face.
Haruna truly was at a loss here but when he saw the other as happy as that he couldn’t help but to open up his arms, Shiki taking the hint and jumping right into the hug with a running start and delighted squeal.

“ I missed you so giga max-ssu! How was it? Was I super cool? Did you watch-ssu?” The words were blurting out of Shiki’s mouth like I waterfall as he looked at the other with sparkling turquoise eyes and Haruna snorted amusedly, trying not to imagine those black puppy ears on Shiki’s head and a tail wagging back and forth excitedly.

“ You were the absolute coolest. I couldn’t take my eyes off for even one second. I’ve been missing you so much” Haruna only tightened their hug, burrowing his nose in black hair with a happy sigh.

Shiki was sure that he could die out of happiness right now. His heart felt like it was swelling with love and affection and he took his chance to cuddle closer into that warm chest.

“ Heh, that means I totally enchanted you-ssu” Shiki mentioned it absolutley casual with a stupid grin on his face.

“ Course you did. You always do” Haruna leaned a bit back to be able to look at the other and although Shiki tried to hide it, he could clearly see the bright red blush on his cheeks.

It was almost too adorable to resist. Haruna bit his own bottom lip to stop himself from doing something irrational again.
Someone Shiki was in love with…could that really be…

“ Nee, Shiki…” Haruna bit his lip. Should he really tell Shiki that he knew about Rei and that he heard them talking? Shiki was so happy right now…Haruna didn’t want to ruin the mood so maybe it was best to keep it to himself for now but then again he wanted to know.
Haruna was about to continue his sentence but before he could speak another word they were interrupted.

“ Shiki! Haruna!”

Really now? Haruna tried hard not to groan audibly at Hayato’s ability to ruin every special moment.

He didn’t want to let go of Shiki just yet but he had no other choice left as they both turned around to look at their friend.

Hayato was in the company of a guy Haruna hadn’t seen yet. Must have been this new friend he’d been talking about since weeks. What was his name again? Take…something.

Shiki audibly squeaked as he saw the other boy at Hayato’s side, his eyes growing wide.

“ TAKERUCCHI” he screeched out in a deafening tone of voice.

“ Shiki-san. I was so surprised seeing you in a band with Hayato-san”

“ Wait, you two know each other?” Hayato asked in utter shock.

“ Totally totes-ssu. Takerucchi is a friend of Rencchi too-ssu”

“ I wouldn’t call it friendship per se-” Takeru mumbled.

“ Man, that's so unfair and here I thought I could introduce you to my cool new friend. The world is too small” Hayato pouted. “ Oh well. Let’s wait for Jun and Natsuki to join us and oh by the way”

Shiki smiled as Hayato took the hat from his own head and placed it back on Shiki’s again.
“ Thanksie for taking care of it-ssu. Man I’m totally starving after such an exciting event-ssu”

“ Lucky for you I planned beforehand. There’s this nice Izakaya near here where we can eat and raise a glass to your success and if you want there’s another dance club just across the street if partying is what you like to do”

“Wowsies Harunacchi you did your homework-ssu” Shiki smirked leaning closer towards his friend.

“ Well maybe I’m not as dumb as you thought”

“ Dummy Harunacchi I would never think that-ssu” Shiki whispered resting against Haruna’s shoulder with a smile on his face.

“ Honestly watching you two gives me the shivers but not the pleasant ones…” a new voice mixed in with them.

Shiki turned around to give Jun a hug but he got blocked off by Jun’s hand shoving itself into his face.

“ I told you no hugging”

“ That’s so mean-ssu!” Shiki dramatically whined rubbing his nose.

Hayato snorted. That was so typical of his friends.
At first he wasn’t so sure if he would be able to do it. A whole night long with Shiki…not even noticing him because he was too busy admiring Haruna.
It sounded tiring, like something he didn’t want to do when he could just haul himself up in his room playing video games all night long….

Takeru gently nudged his side, focusing Hayato’s attention back towards his friend.

“ Shall we go?”

Hayato’s lips twitched up into a small as he exchanged looks with Takeru before he nodded firmly.

“ Uhn. As the leader of this band I declare this as a good plan, so let’s move!”

“ I’m not even part of the band, '' Haruna and Takeru both said in unison but they were completely ignored by the others.

Shiki linked his arm together with Haruna’s, snickering like some excited school girl.
Well whatever…Haruna was just glad that they were able to spend time together and he decided to leave the overthinking and ask Shiki about his ex-boyfriend and the mysterious person for another day.

~🥂~

In the end everything had turned out just like Haruna planned. They got dinner at that nice Izakaya, talking with each other and laughing all the while and now they ended up in the club right across the street.

Hayato had gone to get them some more drinks together with Takeru and even Jun and Natsuki had wandered off to somewhere which left Haruna alone at their table together with Shiki.
Not that he minded though it was quite the opposite and he couldn’t help it that his green eyes flickered towards the other boy here and there watching how he chewed on the straw of his drink.

“ It’s actually pretty nice here-ssu. Besides it being a club, it’s very clean and the music isn’t so loud that you can’t even hear your own words. The dance floor’s also nice and pretty and there isn’t a giga lightshow going on that would make you blind if you looked too long-ssu” Shiki mentioned absentmindedly.

“ Really? And here I thought you’d be one to enjoy that kind of disco vibe with ultra loud music and funky lights everywhere.”

“ Well you’d be surprised-ssu. I don’t like those disco-like nightclubs at all. Not only is it super loud but there’s a lot of weird people-ssu. I lost count of how many creepy guys I had to fend off in clubs like that ever since coming to Tokyo-ssu.”

Haruna felt something like rage bubbling up inside of him when he imagined how Shiki was pestered by a bunch of weird guys and he gritted his teeth.

“ If that ever happens again I’m gonna protect you no worries”

“ Ah, Harunacchi so reliable-ssu. But that’s what I like about you so much-ssu”

Was it okay to get closer now? Shiki wasn’t sure but then again Haruna had never been one to deny him cuddles. Just like the last time at karaoke..

Shiki carefully scooted closer not wanting to appear too obvious but Haruna had seen right through him already and Shiki suppressed a surprised shriek when an arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer into a warm body. Shiki rested his head on the other’s shoulder with a content sigh.

“ You know I’ve never seen them like that before-ssu” Shiki mentioned and Haruna followed his gaze to see what the other was looking at.

He could make out Jun and Natsuki on the dance floor, holding each other close, dancing to the rhythm of the music.

“ If Hayato hadn’t told me I wouldn’t even know that they are a couple right now. It’s kind of weird seeing Juncchi being so touchy and expressing actual emotions-ssu.”

“ To be honest I don’t even know why you’d date a guy like Jun but there must be something special about him that only Natsuki’s able to see. Well you know how they say love just doesn’t know any rules.” Haruna said, shrugging his shoulders.

“ Still I think it must be mega nicey-ssu. I mean…being in love and having a special someone-ssu.”

“ Hmm I wonder…” Haruna mused. “ So tell me what’s your ideal boyfriend like?”

Shiki wanted to answer: “ Just look into the mirror then you’d know” but of course there was no way he could ever say that out loud.

“ I-I’m not so sure-ssu. I don’t have all that much experience but I guess it would be nice to have a lot of fun together-ssu. Going on cute dates, laugh at all kinds of stupid stuff, never feeling lonely and maybe even dance together just like that-ssu”

“ Mhm…if it's that" Haruna murmured, gulping down his drink in one go and standing up all of a sudden.

Shiki almost whined at the loss of the contact but then Haruna reached his hand out towards him.

" What?"

" Shall we dance?" Haruna asked with that stupid prince charming smile of his that made Shiki instantly fall in love all over again.

" B-But I don't know how to dance-ssu…"

" That's not a problem"

Shiki was pulled out of his chair all of a sudden and brought onto the dance floor in mere seconds, despite his small protest.

Haruna was pressing him close to his own body and Shiki felt the hotness rising in his own, shivers running down his spine as a warm breath ghosted over his ear.

" Just let yourself be guided"

And just like that Shiki was suddenly whirled around the dance floor and it felt weird at first but the longer they continued, the more Shiki filtered out everything around them, only concentrating on the music and Haruna and that unsettling feeling turned into fun.

Shiki was really enjoying himself and he had no idea for how long they kept doing this or how many songs it's been. His heart was racing, breath hitched and he was sure he'd been sweating but he felt so free, so weightless all he could do was smile like an idiot when Haruna pulled him close to his chest again.

" Break time-ssu. I'm totes out of breath-ssu" Shiki huffed the words out. " Wowsies where did Harunacchi learn to dance like that?"

" My mother teached me"

" Eeeh, totes amazing-ssu. Honestly everytime I manage to find something new that fascinates me about you-ssu" Shiki had said the words completely unaware, resting his hands and head against the other's chest. " Being with Harunacchi is so mega max fun…I'm really enjoying it-ssu."

" Right back at you…"

They both looked at each other and although the lightning here was different Haruna still was able to make out that rosy blush on Shiki's cheeks and it involuntarily made his own heart beat faster, the dazzle in those turquoise eyes luring him in.

Maybe Haruna was a lost cause already. Maybe what he felt towards Shiki was love after all?
Someone that Shiki loved.. again he wondered if that really could be him?
Was that the reason Shiki didn't mind those kisses…or was he just okay with getting kissed whenever from whomever.

Honestly Haruna didn't know what to think anymore. Couldn't they just live in the moment? At least for tonight he wanted to leave all of this behind.

Shiki was holding his breath when a hand gently cupped his cheek and Haruna drew in closer.
This time he would make sure that Haruna was unable to back out of it and his hands twisted into the other's shirt to keep him close.

There were people all around them but right now it didn't matter at all as they looked at each other with half-lidded eyes.

" May I?" Haruna whispered out.

" Don't ask me that-ssu."

Shiki didn't understand why Haruna suddenly asked for his permission when he already had kissed him just like that.

'I really wish you wouldn't play with my feelings that much' Shiki thought

So it was okay to just go ahead and kiss Shiki like that? Why? Haruna didn't understand Shiki anymore.

' I really wish you would stop confusing me that much' were Haruna's last thoughts before he leaned in closing the last distance between them, gently pushing their lips together.

It was like Haruna wasn't himself lately. Just going around and randomly kissing another guy.
Never in the world had it crossed his mind that he would end up doing something like this but besides everything his mind tried to tell him about it being wrong, they weren't even a couple and Shiki was a guy nonetheless, it felt damn amazing.

Shiki seemed to think the same, given the fact that he was kissing back eagerly.
Haruna knew that they should stop this but deep down he didn't want to.
What were those new feelings he was developing?
Could he really fall in love with a guy just like that when he'd been convinced that he only liked girls almost his whole life long?

It was too much all at once and Haruna couldn't take it anymore.
He didn't want to think about anything at all so when they separated the first thing he did was to take Shiki's hand pulling him into a more secluded corner before they kissed again, much deeper and more passionate than the first time.

Shiki let it happen without putting up a fight, his arms wrapping around the other's neck and Haruna could tell that he wasn't experienced with such kisses in any way but it only added to Shiki's cuteness.

Haruna was a gentle person in general but his kisses definitely weren't.
Shiki didn't mind it though.
He was only glad that he was pushed against a wall with Haruna holding him tightly because Shiki was sure that his knees would give out otherwise. His head felt like it was spinning and his whole body was buzzing with sweet euphoria everytime their tongues touched.

It wasn't fair of Haruna to do something like that to him when they weren't even dating but Shiki couldn't help it. He wanted more of this, more of Haruna, even if it was going to break him. Shiki wished that the moment would never stop…
…

" Look, I think I got everything, let's get back before they're going to miss us," Hayato said, handing Takeru one of the glasses.

" Right that might be for the best…"

Hayato carefully made his way through the crowd of people mindful so he wouldn't spill any of his drink.
In the end this wasn't such a bad evening after all although like he had predicted Shiki was clinging to Haruna all the while.

At least he had Takeru to keep him company so he wasn't feeling so out of place…
Somehow the other boy managed to calm the storm in his head just by being there.

" It's actually pretty crowded here..I never expec-"

Hayato stopped his steps as soon as his eyes fell into one of the corners of the club, making Takeru almost bump into him from behind.

" Eh Hayato-san I almost spilled my drink" Takeru blinked confused when the other didn't answer and just kept staring.

Takeru decided to follow Hayato's gaze to see what the other was looking at and as soon as his eyes took sight of it he knew what was going on.

Honestly if Shiki and Haruna wanted to make out that badly it wasn't his place to judge them but they could at least get a room or something.

Truly Takeru only knew Haruna for a few hours but he already wasn't fond of that guy.
Not only did he play with Shiki's feelings but he was also hurting Hayato's.
Even if Haruna wasn't doing it on purpose…hurting Hayato…that was an absolute no-go for Takeru. Those two called themselves Hayato's best friends but then they completely ignored him like he wasn't existing when Hayato was the most amazing person Takeru had ever met.

" Come on…" Takeru wrapped his free arm around Hayato's shoulder, pulling him closer. " Let's go somewhere else."

Gently he pushed Hayato into another direction, focusing the other's attention away from his two best friends.
Well that was one creative way to ruin the night...
Oh well Takeru would make sure to cheer Hayato up one way or another…

Shiki had never wanted for this moment to end but the truth was, they both needed to breathe at some point and those short few seconds in between the kisses didn't help to fill his lungs with the needed oxygen at all when his head already felt like he was drifting.

Haruna separated from Shiki only as far as necessary so he could look clearly at the other.
The expression on Shiki's face made a warm shiver run down Haruna's spine. The way his cheeks were tinted red and his slightly parted lips in combination with those half lidded turquoise eyes. He looked so dazed out it was just perfect.

Shiki pushed himself away from the wall, slumping right into Haruna's arms with a sight. His whole body was still buzzing and he felt so weak in his knees.

" Oi Shiki are you alright?"

Shiki nodded as an answer.

" Just it…felt so…mega good-ssu" he whispered out.

Haruna giggled lightly. Unbelievable that Shiki would admit something like that so easily. He really was down right adorable.

Haruna knew that here and there people were staring at them but right now he couldn't care less.

The music in the club had changed to a tune more calmer, slower and romantic.
Perfectly to hold each other close while lazily dancing.

" Hey, let's take it slow and dance a bit more. You can hold onto me tightly, okay?" Haruna suggested.

For Shiki it didn't matter what they were doing for as long as he could stay as close as this.
He only nodded as an answer and it earned him a small smile from Haruna that made his whole heart skip a beat.

Shiki would have blamed the alcohol in his system but it would be a lie since he didn't drink all that much.
In the end he really was a stupid lovesick puppy and that might lead to him getting awfully hurt again but Shiki couldn't focus on that now.

Not when Haruna was so close, holding him tight, gently moving them over the dance floor to that slow tune.
Haruna who was warm and smelled so nicely, comforting Shiki in ways he couldn't understand yet.

Shiki let the side of his head rest against Haruna's chest all contently, noting with a smile that his heart wasn't the only one beating out of rhythm.
Oh, how he wished that night would never end…

~☀️~

" Ahh too bright-ssu" Shiki almost hissed when they left the club hours later.
He tried to shield his eyes from the rising sun.

" Are you a vampire or something?" Haruna snickered.

Time had been flying so fast Haruna hadn't even noticed how late or more like early it got.

" I haven't been out the whole night in such a loooong time-ssu. It was so much fun but now I'm mega beat-ssu"

It had been a night that Haruna wouldn't forget for sure.
They've been talking a lot and continuing to dance, taking breaks here and there to join their friends though Hayato had seemed pretty angry at him about something but Haruna couldn't find out what it was.

Shiki had been awfully clingy and Haruna could still feel those lingering kisses they shared.
Honestly Haruna had never thought that kissing another guy could feel that good but with Shiki…everything was so different.

Shiki could be really cute when he wanted to be close and it was adorable how embarrassed he got just from Haruna's kisses.
The way he behaved around Haruna…

Someone Shiki was in love with…was it really him?
But after tonight…what else could all of that mean? Could there really be another explanation for sich a behaviour?

What was their relationship exactly? They've already crossed a line that couldn't be described as being normal friends anymore. What did Shiki feel for him and more importantly what was it that Haruna felt for the other?

Haruna's eyes fell on Shiki who tried to adjust his vision to the sun, his back facing Haruna.

Hayato was still inside the club together with Takeru to use the bathroom so maybe that was Haruna's chance.
He needed to get some clarity because in all honesty he couldn't go on not knowing what exactly it was that he and Shiki were having.
All that thinking was just getting him nowhere and he felt frustrated to no end.

Maybe he should have filtered the words through his brain before speaking them but right now he just needed to know.

" Say Shiki…are you perhaps in love with me?"

Chapter Text

" Say Shiki…are you perhaps in love with me?"

Now the question was out in the open, hanging between them like a thick cloud and it was too late to take it back.

Shiki stood there, unmoving, not turning around, not saying anything at all.

This was his chance. He could tell Haruna how he really felt.
Finally get this off his chest and be free from all these emotions accumulating inside.

Shiki had worked so hard for this moment. Going as far as to confront his ex-boyfriend so there was a chance for him to maybe be together with Haruna in the future.

What would happen if he told Haruna now?
Was there even a way that Haruna actually returned those feelings?
Could Shiki really tell him so easily?

What if Haruna would be disgusted by it? A confession like that could be able to change their relationship forever.
What if Haruna didn't want to stay friends? And what if they stayed friends? Their friendship would never be the same again…

But if Haruna felt the same…if they ended up dating…what then?
Would it be like last time?
If people started to avoid Haruna too…or even worse. If Shiki was the one to ruin Haruna's future as an english teacher and
What would Haruna's mother say if she knew he was dating a guy?

Shiki thought he'd been over this but his mind couldn't stop to think about those possibilities as well, if everything turned out wrong again…
If he once again ended up hurting the person he loved…such pain, Shiki couldn't go through this again.

" Eeeh? What makes you think that?"

" Well I don't know…maybe all those kisses, the flirting, the way you are so clingy" Haruna wasn't sure if Shiki seriously had asked such a question right now.

" Ohhh that's right, I almost forgot that Harunacchi takes relationships really seriously-ssu. Is it so wrong of me to want to have a bit of fun?"

Fun? What was that supposed to mean? Was that all Haruna was for Shiki in the end? Just a plaything?

" I mean kissing and that stuff feels good so why not enjoy it even if there isn't something serious behind it? But considering Harunacchi's values I might have given you a false impression-ssu"

Every new word that came out of Shiki's mouth felt like it was burning his throat. This wasn't what he wanted to say. This wasn't him speaking but his unreasonable fear. It had Shiki wrapped up so tightly that he didn't know how to break free and stop it.

Shiki didn't want any of this. He couldn't even turn around to look at Haruna.
Why after everything…in the end he couldn't change and every new word coming out of his mouth did hurt like hellfire.

" I was just going with the flow-ssu. I'm absolutely not in love with you-ssu. No way in hell-ssu"

What followed were long minutes of silence.
No, this was wrong. This wasn't what Shiki wanted to say.
Why wasn't he able to speak the words he truly wanted? Why did it feel like they were stuck in his throat unable to be said out loud?

Haruna seemed to think about what to say and Shiki could hear him taking in a long breath.

" You know I heard you talking with your ex. I didn't mean to, I swear it just happened. Shiki, why didn't you tell me that there were two tickets and that you invited your ex-boyfriend too?"

" Because it is none of your business-ssu" Shiki was almost hissing the words out but Haruna could see that his body was shaking. " What even has that to do with any of this?"

" Look I'm happy for you that you finally found the strength to talk this out with him…"

But for what? It had been a useless talk. In the end Shiki was still too afraid. He couldn't change anything at all. Everything was still the same or no even worse.

Haruna tried not to be affected by what Shiki had said because in the end it shouldn't concern him at all.

Wasn't it good that Shiki wasn't in love with him?
It meant he could stop all that overthinking and wondering, now that he got the clarity he wanted but then why…why was he feeling sad and hurt by those words?
Like he had wished for a different answer.

Why did it anger him that he'd apparently only been used for Shiki's entertainment?
Things shouldn't be like that.

" Then I wonder…if it's not me…who are you in love with..?"

Of course Shiki should have known that Haruna overheard that part too. Damn Haruna for just eavesdropping on this conversation.

" T-That's…none of your business-ssu"

Somehow that answer did strike a chord inside of Haruna. He tried not to lose control over his emotions but it was hard, when Shiki didn't even have the guts to turn around and tell him all of that directly into his face.

" I see…well I'm glad we cleared this up. I was afraid you might actually have feelings for me. That'd be annoying. I mean kissing a guy was a new experience but not something I wanna do again. So we should really stop this. I have figured that I absolutely have zero interest in dating you or any guy in general."

Why did Haruna say that? He didn't want to but the words flew out of his mouth without him being able to control them. Like someone else was speaking.
This absolutely wasn't what he wanted to say.

Haruna couldn't even bear to look at Shiki as he walked past him speaking such hurtful words.

" I'll be going on ahead…"

Shiki kept quiet, letting Haruna walk away without saying or doing anything until he couldn't see him anymore.

He held his head low, eyes casted to the ground as he gripped his hurting chest.
Shiki should have known.
It was only natural that Haruna wouldn't want to date him.

It was dumb of Shiki to believe that there could be something more between them.
He knew all along and yet those words had broken something inside of him.

It snapped so loud and clear Shiki couldn't believe that nobody had heard it.
He tried to remember how to breathe correctly.
It was painful but it was a different kind of pain than the one Shiki experienced during his break up with Rei.
Different but still as ugly and as hurtful.

Shiki blinked, one time, two times, trying to stop the tears that wanted to overspill.
He'd been so stupid. He ruined everything again.

Why wasn't he able to break free from this curse? Why couldn't he leave the past behind and tell Haruna the whole truth?

Shiki had no answer to it and he aggressively tried to rub the tears out of his eyes.
He shouldn't cry. There was no reason for him to…

" Shiki…are you alright?"

He took in a few steady breaths, trying his best to muster up a smile before turning around to face Hayato.

" I'm fine-ssu. Just giga terra tired-ssu"

Hayato looked like he didn't believe that at all.

" Well you and I both. Where's Haruna?"

" He went on ahead because he wasn't feeling so good-ssu."

" I see…" Hayato exchanged a quick look with Takeru.
Something definitely felt off about this situation.
He was sure Shiki was lying to him not telling him about whatever happened while he'd been in the restroom.

If Haruna did anything to make Shiki feel sad…
They were best friends but lately Hayato felt angered by Haruna's mere presence.
How dare he hurt Shiki, not acknowledging his feelings at all…how stupid could one person be?

" C-can we go home now? I want to go to bed-ssu" Shiki asked quietly.

He'd been so afraid that his confession might change the relationship he has with Haruna to the worse but didn't those harsh words between them do the exact same thing?
Shiki's chest felt tight and painful, like it did cost him a lot of effort to even breathe.

Hayato nodded his head slowly, unsure what was going on or how he was supposed to help Shiki.
What happened while he was away?

Haruna was supposed to go home and rest but instead he stumbled around in those unfamiliar streets not knowing what to do.

He was tired and exhausted for sure but everything that had just happened left such an ugly feeling in his chest, Haruna was sure that even if he tried he wouldn't be able to rest.

Turning into one of the side alleys he stopped in his tracks, leaning against one of the building walls, arms crossing in front of his chest.

Why did Haruna say such a horrible thing? He'd been so angry at the fact that Shiki seemingly just used him for his entertainment that the words had just slipped out of his mouth.

How foolish it was of him to get so mad when he himself wasn't even sure if he actually liked Shiki in that way or if he really wanted to be together.
His words hadn't been a complete lie but he should have chosen them more carefully.

Even if Haruna hadn't seen Shiki's face at that moment, he was sure those words had left an impact and not a good one.

Like Haruna knew that not every young adult was like him, taking stuff as relationships so seriously…
Truly Shiki's words had hurt him but that wasn't a reason to get back at him like that…

In which way should he face Shiki now? Haruna thought that once they cleared this up he would be able to have some peace of mind but instead now everything got worse and his thoughts were racing.

Stupid of him to bring this up…he should have never asked…but how long would he'd been able to go on like that? Until he found a new girlfriend? Until Shiki found a boyfriend?

The person Shiki was in love with…if it wasn't him who was it then? And why did that thought not leave Haruna's mind? Why did he care so much?
What a mess he'd become…

~🖤~

In those three years they lived together Ren had learned a lot of things about Shiki.

One of them being that Shiki was pretty bad when it came to talking about his feelings, things that made him sad or unpleasant situations that happened to him.

Instead he would pretend like everything was fine, trying to behave how he always did but miserably failing at it.

Ren watched Shiki standing in front of the large mirror in his room, fixing his already perfect hair for the 5th time and trying out different kinds of makeup, various clothes strewn all around his feet while he hummed some melody all the while.

For an outsider this wouldn't look like something out of the ordinary but Ren knew better.
Shiki always did stuff like this to distract himself from whatever it was that was bothering him.

" Say, are you sure that everything is alright?" Ren asked, leaning against the doorframe.

" Coursie-ssu. Everything's fine. I'm fine-ssu"

It didn't sound genuine at all and more like Shiki was reading from a script, not being able to look at Ren whatsoever.
They've known each other for such a long time now but yet Shiki couldn't be honest with him. Aren't they supposed to be friends?

" Has this something to do with Haruna?"

The way Shiki flinched at the question, made it very obvious that Ren had hit the mark.

" N-No not at all-ssu" Shiki stuttered, nervously trying to fix his bangs.

Ren couldn't believe this guy. Shiki deserved an award for being the most annoying friend and roommate to ever exist. What should he do now? If Shiki didn't want to tell him, he couldn't force it but Ren could at least provide some distraction.

" Once you finish with work, let's go to the ramen shop and eat some extra spicy ramen. My treat" Ren suggested.

Shiki gently nodded. It sounded like a nice idea. Spicy food was always a good way to lift the mood.
He was feeling tired, not being able to sleep well these past two days.

Of course there hadn't been any "Good Morning" or "Good Night" messages from Haruna at all which made the situation worse since Shiki had always looked forward to those.
Well it was to be expected after everything that happened…

Shiki wasn't sure how to feel…mad or sad? Both?
He knew his choice of words hadn't been the wisest but Haruna coming back at him like that had felt so harsh.

It shouldn't be a surprise that Haruna wasn't interested in dating him at all but did he really need to state it like that?
So cold and heartless like Shiki didn't deserve love at all…

Shiki should have known that there hadn't been a chance for him from the very start.
It was only natural that most guys wouldn't want to be with another male but then why had Haruna acted like that? All the affection and the kisses they shared.

Was it that Haruna just used him to quench his own curiosity?
Had Shiki been nothing more than a mere guinea pig? A consolation because Haruna still wasn't over Meiko?

Shiki didn't know. Everything was confusing and his emotions were a mess. Like he was torn between still loving Haruna but also wanting to hate him though he knew that this mess was partially his fault too…

What was he supposed to do?

~💛~

It had been a week and Haruna had written at least a dozen messages on his phone but always deleted them in the end, not sending even one.

Like what was there he could say to Shiki to make the situation better?

Nothing…no words he could come up with would be able to change anything in this chaos.

He thought that going to his favorite donut place and munchin on some of his favorites would help him with coming up with some ideas and help him find the courage to actually go through with sending something but it didn't work quite as planned.

Normally Shiki would be here with him now eating his strawberry donut and drinking some equally sweet milkshake.
Haruna would watch him all the while enjoying how happy Shiki looked when biting into his food.

He never realized it before but seeing Shiki so happy and enjoying stuff that Haruna liked…it made him feel so fuzzy and warm but right now Haruna wasn't sure if they still were friends anymore.
How should they continue after such a messed up situation?

The words they threw at each other back then had been so harsh Haruna was sure that just going back to normal was absolutely impossible.

He wished that he would have chosen his words more carefully but like always Haruna's feelings had gotten the better of him but wasn't Shiki at fault too for saying something so insensitive?

Maybe a thing like this couldn't be cleared up over the phone…
But would Shiki be willing to meet with him?
Haruna heaved a deep sigh.
Instead of easier, their relationship had become an even more complicated mess than it was before.

This was no good at all but what else was Haruna supposed to do? How should he apologize when somehow it seemed like the other didn't even make an effort to contact him or say that he’s sorry too.

So Haruna had every right to be mad, well, at least a little bit, right?
Why was it always him who needed to make the first step? Thinking about how he could change the situation...just like that time when Shiki accidentally kissed him.
If it wasn't for Haruna barging into the other’s home back then, Shiki would probably still be hauled up there, with buckets of ice cream, wearing his pink Kumacchi pyjamas.

In the end everything was probably for nothing.
If Shiki didn’t want to apologize then why should Haruna care and try to find a way through this chaos?

Deep down…he knew why. After one week of thinking everything over Haruna came to the conclusion that maybe his "like" for Shiki was more than just a friendship one. Maybe that was what Meiko had meant when she told him to be honest with himself.

It would explain why he'd been so distraught ever since then, why his chest seemed to hurt so much and why he'd been feeling so mad at Shiki for saying that he'd only been all lovey-dovey because it was fun. Also Haruna, besides all that happened, missed Shiki so much and wanted to see him so badly that it was painful. It wasn't what he normally felt with friends but also not the same as with every girl he ever loved.

Maybe deep down Haruna unconsciously had wished for all these kisses to mean more.
Could it be true?
Did he really fall in love with another guy?
Was this the reason for his weird behavior lately?
Like mentioned before Haruna had been in love in the past but somehow this was different…like a complete new experience.
Haruna still was unsure if those feelings could definitely be described as “ love" plus Shiki said that he liked another guy but even so…

Well one thing Haruna knew for sure. He wouldn't find out what those feelings meant if he continued to sit around here and eat approximately 50 donuts a day.

Maybe he should come up with some sort of plan.
Haruna already knew that Shiki, besides being very cute, could also be pretty stubborn especially when he was angry so it would be hard to get through to him.

Haruna checked the contacts in his phone before he got stuck on a certain name.
Alright, here goes all or nothing…

~💙~

" Stop, stop, stop" Jun bolted out trying to sound calm but miserably failing, making Shiki flinch because he knew that this was his fault again. " Shiki, you've been delivering such a good performance at the concert but lately your voice is all over the place. I don't know what it is but honestly fix it or else I don't know how we can continue with our music like that."

Jun was brutally honest when he was angry but of course he would be.
Shiki's been messing everything up these past few days.
He couldn't really concentrate when his mind was filled with so many different things all at once and it showed in his performance.
On top of that Shiki still wasn't able to sleep accordingly.

He had tried to not be gloomy, telling himself over and over again that what had happened wasn't the end of the world.

Haruna had no interest in dating him? So what? There were a lot of other good guys out there.

Shiki shouldn't care so much but at the end of the day he did because no other guy in this world was like Haruna no matter how good they were.

He wished that the rejection didn't hurt so much that it was feeling like there was a tight knot in his chest ever since.

Shiki should have never ventured deeper. Letting Haruna get this close to him had been a big mistake.
Those feelings…from the start…Shiki should have put more effort into killing them because now there was no more turning back.

He hated that he had allowed himself to fall in love again, despising the fact that even after everything he hadn't learned his lesson.
Shiki's heart was still longing for Haruna…

" I'm sorry-ssu" Shiki tried to apologize.

" Well yeah sorry just doesn't cut it. Get yourself together Shiki-kun or else this isn't gonna work" Jun started to back up his things, signaling to everyone that the rehearsal was over.

Yet again Shiki ruined the band practice and he felt miserably guilty about it, gripping the microphone in his hands tighter.

He could see Hayato walking towards him from the corner of his eye but he only turned his head to face the other when Hayato placed a hand on his shoulder.

" Shiki-kun…"

" I'm sorry Hayatocchi. I just keep messing up-ssu" Shiki sniffled, flinching again when Jun stomped out of the door, closing it not all too gently and Natsuki rushing after him only seconds later.

" Don't worry about it. We all have our lows from time to time but we all know, Jun knows, what you are capable of. You just need some time"

Hayato hated this. Shiki looked so tired and beaten up, like some small, sad puppy, it was unbearable to watch.

He was sure that this had something to do with Haruna.
Shiki was behaving weird ever since that morning when they left the club.

Something must have happened between them while Hayato was in the restroom together with Takeru.

Did Shiki and Haruna have a fight? Was this the reason why Shiki was so out of it lately?

Knowing them both Hayato was pretty sure that it must be another stupid misunderstanding and his two best friends were to stubborn and dumb to make the first move and clear it up, assuming things that weren't even true.
Hayato needed to know what was going on but he was sure if he asked directly Shiki wouldn't answer.

Luckily he already had the perfect plan in his mind.

" You know there's this movie that I really wanted to see. Let's go to the cinema together this evening. It might be a good idea to take your mind of things for a while"

Shiki seemed to think about Hayato's suggestion before he gently nodded.

" Alrighty-ssu. You really are the bestest friend I ever had-ssu"

" Well how do they say? That's what friends are for" Hayato whispered out once more, willing himself not to blush when Shiki enveloped him in a tight hug.

Maybe it was crazy but for Hayato, Shiki really smelled goddamn amazing.

Somehow it made Hayato remember the night in the club when Takeru had pulled him close, to drag him away from the sight of his crush making out with another guy…
If Hayato was honest…Takeru smelled really good too.
He also had a very nice toned body, probably from all the boxing he did.
It was shameful to admit but Hayato wouldn't mind being pressed against that body for longer.

There really was something very weird going on with him right now and Hayato still needed time to understand it all but at the moment helping Shiki was more important, so they decided on a meeting point and time.

Once Shiki was busy with packing up his own stuff Hayato took out his phone to reply to the message he had received from Haruna a few hours prior.

~💖~

Shiki couldn't believe it. How could Hayato be so cruel? He thought they were best friends?
Why didn't Hayato tell him that HE would be here too?

Because if Shiki had known he wouldn't have come…he definitely just would have stayed home, wrapped up in his Kumacchi blanket and wailing in his own misery.

To be fair though, Haruna seemed to be just as surprised as him.
So Hayato had tricked them both into meeting up?

Unbelievable…what was he thinking? If they weren't in public Shiki would have straight up turned around and left but then again Hayato had no idea what had happened…or?

" H-Hi…" Shiki stammered out awkwardly not being able to properly look at Haruna because he knew once he locked eyes with those vibrant green orbs it would be over.

" Hey…" Haruna replied, his voice sounding really dry and distant like Shiki wasn't even there at all.

This was the worst. Something so embarrassing Shiki wanted to vanish into the ground.
After all, they hadn't talked or seen each other ever since that night two weeks ago and yet somehow Shiki’s heart made a happy little jump just at the fact that Haruna was there but what should he say?

Shiki hadn’t prepared for this at all.
The atmosphere definitely was weird because even Haruna seemed to be at a loss of how to go on from here.

So Hayato's first hunch was right. Something definitely had happened between those two.
Normally they would have been all over each other by now.

" Well I'm going to get the tickets, you two wait here, okay?"

Hayato needed to find out what it was his two friends were fighting about.
Knowing them it probably was a stupid little thing that could be easily cleared up with some talking.
Maybe if Hayato left them alone for a bit they would get the conversation started on their own…

He'd been wrong though because once he returned Hayato found them both like he had left them…standing awkwardly next to each other, looking in opposite directions, with pouting faces, afraid of crossing gazes.

Both Haruna and Shiki looked like they just wanted to get out of this situation as soon as possible.
Whatever happened, it must've been more serious than Hayato had first thought.

Haruna normally was pretty quick when it came to trying to reconcile, apologizing for any mistakes he might have made but this time something had really put him off as he appeared to be quite angry.

Well for Hayato it explained why Shiki was so out of it.
He watched how his friend gave Haruna some sideway glances here and there, Shiki's turquoise eyes looking so sad it was heartbreaking to watch but there was also some resistance in them like Shiki wanted to be mad but was miserably failing.

" I'm going to get Popcorn" Haruna announced out of nowhere, not waiting for Hayato or Shiki to reply and just stomping away towards the food counter.
This was going to be an interesting cinema visit and Hayato gulped audibly.

" Uhm so…let's get some popcorn too…well if you like" Hayato suggested and Shiki only nodded.

Shiki swallowed the lump in his throat. This was bad. Haruna definitely was mad but was it surprising after everything that Shiki had said but then again Haruna's words had also been pretty harsh so Shiki had every right to be angry too.

Right, if Haruna thought that Shiki would just give up and come back crawling on his knees then he would be up for a surprise.

Of course it still did hurt but if Haruna decided he wanted to be mad…well Shiki could play that game too…
…

" Okay Shiki if you want you can have the middle seat" Hayato announced once they found their designated seats in the cinema hall.

" No thanksie-ssu" Shiki simply said, pushing past Haruna without even looking at the other, pretending like he wasn't even there to sit down in the chair next to the corridor. " I like to have my space, ya know-ssu"

Hayato just didn't imagine that glare Shiki shot into Haruna's direction. Oh no…

" Haruna do you want…" but Hayato was cut off before he could finish his sentence.

" I'm fine right here" he hissed out unceremoniously flopping into his seat. " I don't want a certain someone screaming in my ears anyways."

" You…" Shiki was ready to snap back but Hayato interrupted.

" FINE I'LL TAKE THE MIDDLE SEAT" he bolted out so loud everyone was probably looking at him before sitting down rather violently.

Great so now both Shiki and Haruna had decided to play the "stubborn child"-game and Hayato was right in the middle of it. His luck really, plus he still had no idea what was going on.

All Hayato knew was that he could practically feel the anger radiating off those two and he shivered because of the uneasy feeling spreading inside of him.
How on earth was he supposed to concentrate on the movie like that?

Hayato deliberately had chosen a more scary movie because he had thought that if Shiki was frightened he would cling to Haruna and Haruna would find it super adorable and they both would forget about what happened easily.

Seemed like his plan had failed yet again when they even refused to sit next to each other but now Hayato was confronted with a frightened Shiki who jumped and screamed at every little scary thing.

They ended up clinging to one another and Hayato wished he didn't choose a horror movie because he wasn't good with that stuff either and he could literally feel Haruna glaring at him before rolling his eyes at their antics…

In the end Haruna wished that he had just stayed home and not listened to Hayato because it should have been obvious that his friend wanted to trick him.

At first Haruna thought that this might have been a chance to talk with Shiki but the other was definitely mad at him.
He should have figured as much considering how insensitive Haruna had been but Shiki had been merciless too and actually he was the one who started it all so Haruna also had a right to be just as angry.

They definitely weren't on good terms and it was a wonder that Shiki hadn't chugged his bucket of popcorn at him, considering that he actually had a pretty short temper when being mad.
It was fascinating how anyone could be that cute but yet so stubborn at the same time.

Though if Haruna was honest even an angry Shiki was kinda cute.
Could it really be that he had fallen in love with such a stupid guy?
Well he would never know for sure if things stayed like that.

Haruna needed to collect himself, keep calm and face Shiki properly, pushing his anger aside for now or else they might end up moving in an endless circle.

Shiki said that he wanted to go to the toilet so it would be best to wait for him there.

Haruna had been feeling uneasy ever since that day after the concert and just maybe he finally did understand why.

Even if Shiki loved someone else…
At least he should try and save their friendship because a life without Shiki…Haruna didn't want to imagine…

When Haruna arrived in front of the restrooms he sure as hell found Shiki pretty quick but not in the way he had expected.

He stopped in his tracks wondering who that stranger was, seemingly chatting up his best friend.
Haruna had never before seen that guy who very obviously was trying to flirt with Shiki.

Not that Shiki seemed to mind as he happily chatted away, smiling here and there.

Haruna shouldn't feel so miffed by the sight.
He had no right to be angry because Shiki after all was a proper adult and it was none of his business who the other wanted to date and yet there was this stinging pain in his heart, that seething heat inside Haruna couldn't control.
Was that what people called jealousy?

" Damn, I think I really love that guy"

Haruna couldn't believe his own thoughts and he wanted to turn around to walk away but then that guy reached out to touch Shiki and suddenly everything happened so fast.
Haruna had no time to think as he moved over with quick steps, instinctively grabbing Shiki and pulling him into his arms before that guy could lay a single finger on his friend.

Shiki was so surprised that he didn't react or move at all, he was literally frozen in Haruna's embrace.
What was happening?

" Eh? Who the fuck are you?" the guy asked, irritated but slightly taking a cautious step back.

Haruna was sure that he was murderously glaring at that stranger and he tried to calm himself down, mustering up an indifferent smile.

" I'm sorry but this guy still has some business with me so I'd prefer if you leave quietly"

" What? Are you crazy or something?"

" I mean right now" Haruna's voice sounded dangerously low and he was sure that he was glaring again.

It seemed to work though as the guy just clicked his tongue, walking off with a mumbled " Fuck that".

Shiki was too stunned to speak just yet and the fact that he was pressed against a warm chest didn't help all too much either.

Every fiber of his being just wanted to cuddle closer, wrap his arms around that strong back, drowning in the warmth and Haruna's calming smell although he knew that he shouldn't.
Shiki still allowed himself a few seconds of enjoyment though because he'd missed and craved for that kind of touch from the other for too long.

Was it too bold of him to assume that Haruna just had acted out of jealousy?
Oh how Shiki wished for it but yet he couldn't allow for this to go any further. After all, Haruna had made it painfully clear that he had no interest whatsoever…

" Harunacchi…what in Kumacchis name was that about?" Shiki tried his best to sound angry and annoyed, pushing himself away from the other.

" What does it look like? I just protected you from some creep, be more thankful, will you?"

" I don't need your protection-ssu. Also what are you talking about? He was nice and we were just chatting-ssu"

" Just chatting, huh? I'm pretty sure that guy had other things in mind" Haruna couldn't believe how Shiki could be so naive.

" So what? It's none of your business-ssu. I can decide for myself who I wanna be with-ssu. Why are you so angry about it?"

" Because…that guy…" truth be told Haruna had no answer for this question because basically Shiki was right.

" Newsflash for you Harunacchi-idiot-ssu" Shiki said all cockily with a pout on his face. " I can do whatever I want-ssu. If I wanna go out with that guy I will. If I wanna flirt with him I will. If I wanna kiss him guess what? I will-ssu. I don't need you to protect me or anything-ssu. Don't behave like you care about me all of a sudden. Aren't you disgusted by the fact that I want to be with another guy? Or are you just surprised that there are actually people out there who would find me loveable?"

Shiki could have gone on with this for quite some time if it wasn't for Haruna grabbing one of his shoulders and pushing him against the wall in a not so gentle manner.

" You…shut your mouth already…"

" What if I don't?" Shiki tried to be brave and stand his ground although Haruna could be pretty intimidating as he glared down at him with those green eyes but Shiki did his best to glare back.

" I'll make you…"

There was a shift in Haruna's eyes and the way he looked at Shiki. Something else was flickering in those green orbs, something that Shiki couldn't quite understand.

A warm hand rested on his cheek and suddenly the whole world around them seemed to stop for a while as Haruna drew in closer.

What was happening? Would they kiss, right here, right now? In front of all the people who probably were staring at them already?

It was something they shouldn't do but Shiki wanted it, he wanted it so badly, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.

Haruna's words had been so crushing but yet Shiki was still so madly in love.
His heart was practically hammering against his chest as he shut his eyes tightly, waiting for Haruna to overcome those last few inches.

The moment was over as soon as Shiki could hear Haruna releasing an annoyed sight, so close he could feel the other's breath on his lips.

Shiki's eyes fluttered open just to see Haruna leaning away from him, the hands on his shoulder and cheek retreating as well.

Haruna looked down at him, chewing on his bottom lip before he let a small "Tch" sound escape from his mouth.

" As if…" he murmured, turning around and walking off.

What the hell? Shiki couldn't believe this! Was Haruna even serious?
That freaking asshole playing him like that. What does he mean " As if…"?
Shiki felt his body shaking with anger and his small hands balled into fists.

" Harunacchi you idiot-ssu! You stupid brick! Go and die in some ditch-ssu! I don't want to see your stupid face ever again! I hate you Harunacchi-idiot-ssu!" Shiki practically screamed before he ran off to god-knows-where, turning the corner and almost crashing into Hayato who just returned from his call with Takeru.

" W-Woah Shiki…are you alright?" Hayato asked, concerned, his hands resting on Shiki's shoulders, stopping the other before he pumped into him.

Shiki looked at Hayato with miserable turquoise eyes.

" Hayatocchi…" he sniffled and before Hayato knew what was going on Shiki had already started to cry at the top of his lungs throwing himself into the other's arms.

" W-Wha?! Shiki? Are you hurt? What?"

" I…I…Harunacchi…he…he"

So what had Haruna done again now? Really Hayato didn't understand how anyone could be that stupid.

" Shiki what happened? I know something did…you both have been acting strange ever since that night after the concert? Did you fight? Please tell me…"

Shiki was hesitating for a bit but in the end he nodded and he started to tell Hayato the whole story from the beginning while the other was tightly holding his hands.

He told Hayato about Rei and how he had invited him to the concert, to talk to him and move on from his past and how Haruna seemed to have overheard the part of their conversation in which Shiki told his ex-boyfriend that he was in love again.

" While we waited outside the club he asked me out of nowhere if I was in love with him-ssu. I wanted to tell him, I really wanted to tell Haruna how I feel-ssu. I couldn't though…I still felt so scared…I was so afraid of what might happen if I was honest so I came up with a lie-ssu. I made it sound like I was just doing everything for fun-ssu. It wasn't right of me, ya know but then Haruna said how he had zero interest in dating any guy and specifically me and how he had just been curious. I was just used as a mere experiment-ssu."

" Shiki…that's horrible…" Hayato whispered, not believing what he was hearing.

" I know that I shouldn't have said what I said either and that it's partially my fault too-ssu. But did he really need to be that harsh? I thought Harunacchi must hate me now but then it seemed like he was really jealous of that guy talking to me. I thought he was going to kiss me but he didn't-ssu. I don't understand Harunacchi at all. Why does he always play with me like that? It's not fair and now I told him that I hate him. I'm really the worst-ssu. Maybe Harunacchi is right and I'm not loveable at all-ssu."

Hayato instinctively tightening his grip around Shiki's hands.
Something like that…it was impossible.

He couldn't understand how Haruna was too blind to see just how special Shiki was. How he mesmerized Hayato day by day.
Why wasn't Haruna able to finally be honest with himself?

Well Hayato was one to talk when he wasn't honest with his own feelings either…knowing that one day he might regret it.

" Shiki…" he whispered out softly.

Shiki lifted his head to look at Hayato but the last thing he saw was the other leaning up and before he knew it there was this soft, warm feeling spreading over his lips.

It took Shiki's brain a few seconds to realize what was happening.
Hayato was…kissing…him? But why?

Did it really matter though? After everything maybe it was okay to just go with the flow? It wasn't like Shiki had anything to lose and maybe in the end that was why he decided to kiss back…

Chapter Text

No, no, no, no this was all wrong.
What was Haruna doing?
He shouldn't run away like that.

Stopping in his tracks Haruna released a long and deep sigh, gripping his own hair tightly.

Why had he acted so jealous like that guy had tried to hit on his boyfriend? When Shiki and him weren't even…

At that moment it had been like some sort of switch that flipped in his head.
Honestly Haruna didn't want Shiki to get touched like this by anyone but him…and why did Shiki's words hurt so much inside his chest?

To top it all Haruna had almost kissed Shiki again...
Like he really wanted to and he would have if he didn't manage to snap out of it in time.
So didn't that mean that he really was in love after all?
In the end wasn't this the only logical answer?

Haruna violently shook his head.
It was no good.
He couldn't leave things just like that.

No matter if Shiki hated him now and was in love with someone else.
Haruna needed to talk to him, try to at least save their friendship like he initally had planned to do.

Haruna turned on his heels faster than he could think. He needed to get back as soon as possible.

~🧡~

What was happening? Shiki's brain still couldn't keep up with it.
Was he really kissing his best friend right now or was this just another of his crazy dreams?

Of all things that could have happened today, this had never crossed Shiki's mind even once.

Why would Hayato do such a thing out of the blue?
But at this moment was it really important? Did he actually need a reason?

Shiki decided to keep the questions for later, letting his mind drift away as he kissed back shyly.
It was feeling good…good…but yet not the same. It was not like all those kisses he had shared with Haruna.
Not that it mattered though, nothing did anymore.

It felt like a whole eternity before Hayato finally leaned back and it took Shiki at least another solid five minutes to come back into reality and process what had just happened.

" Hayatocchi-ssu…" he whispered, shyly
looking into those brown eyes.

" Never say stuff like that again, got it? You are the most loveable person I've ever met. There's not a single thing I wouldn't love about you. I don't know how it happened, maybe it all started when we first met or that time at karaoke…I have no clue but I do know that I..I really love you ever since…so don't say you are not loveable or other crazy things like that."

Shiki was too stunned to be able to speak.
Did Hayato just confess to him out of nowhere?
Was that even possible?

His best friend was in love with him and Shiki hadn't even noticed.
How stupid could he be?
Had Shiki really been so obsessed with Haruna that he was oblivious to Hayato's feelings all the time?

Doing something so horrible to his friend…Shiki suddenly felt very guilty about it.
If he only had known about Hayato's feelings sooner than…well…it wouldn't have changed anything.

Shiki's heart had long decided on what or better who it wanted.
Even after everything that had happened recently…Shiki still wasn't able to give up on this love so easily.

Truly, his heart belonged to one person only. Even if Haruna didn't want him…Shiki still hadn't learned his lesson.

" Hayatocchi…I'm…" Shiki started but he was stopped from talking further by Hayato gently pressing a finger to his lips.

" I know already…you don't need to say it. I just…wanted to really tell you…"

" I'm sorry-ssu…"

" For what?" Hayato asked with a small smile. " We don't choose who we fall in love with. It just happens and sometimes it isn't easy but that doesn't mean that it isn't beautiful"

There was a long silence as Shiki tried to process everything that had happened, thinking about what would be next.

" What am I supposed to do?"

Hayato sighed, almost annoyed before reaching out and lightly smacking the other's forehead.

" Isn't that obvious? Tell Haruna how you really feel, you idiot. You need to be honest with him. Even if it's scary, even if he rejects you. He deserves to know the truth. If you don't tell him you might end up regretting it sooner or later"

" But what if everything goes wrong-ssu? What if he doesn't want to see me anymore-ssu" Shiki whispered.

" I highly doubt it. Haruna isn't like that. I think he'll be happy because you were honest with him but if that unlikely case really happens…well you still have me. I'll always be your best friend"

" Hayatocchi…I'm so sorry-ssu. I don't deserve to have a friend like you-ssu" Shiki sniffed.

" Now you are talking nonsense again. I told you there's no need to be sorry. Don't worry about it" a small smile graced over Hayato's lips when the phone in his pocket vibrated, signalling that a message from Takeru had arrived. " I'll be fine, promise. Let's go, I can help you with thinking about how to approach Haruna and what to say" Hayato held out his hand for Shiki to take and the other smiled back at him brightly.

" Thank you Hayatocchi-ssu. You really are the bestest friend anyone could ask for-ssu"

~🖤~

This was unbelievable. Had Haruna really just seen that or had his eyes been playing tricks on him?

He was walking, god knows where to, just to get away from the scene as far as possible.
Could that be really happening?

All Haruna wanted to do was to apologize but what he found when he returned wasn't what he expected.

Why were his two best friends kissing each other?
Haruna had never turned around and walked away faster in his entire life after witnessing a scene like that.
Luckily these two hadn't noticed him at all.

Shiki and Hayato…kissing…why?
Was this just another one of Shiki's "fun" moments or…?

What if Meiko had been right all along?
The guy Shiki was in love with…could it be Hayato after all?

Like it wouldn't be all too weird, they both got along pretty well and spent an awful lot of time together.

But then why would Shiki flirt with Haruna all the while?
What kind of cruel game was it that Shiki was playing?
How could anyone be so reckless?

Haruna didn't understand it anymore but seeing them like that…his heart felt awfully shattered. Such an ugly feeling…Haruna wasn't used to it.

Since when has Shiki become so important to him?
Haruna didn't want this.
He wasn't anything but a mere pawn in this game and Haruna was sick of playing along.

His thoughts were a chaos in his head and he didn't notice how he bumped into someone when turning the corner until it was already too late.

" Woopsie I'm very sorry"

Haruna didn't answer immediately but instead he looked the girl that just ran into him, over.

Well if Shiki could live his life this recklessly then why shouldn't Haruna too? Feelings? Commitment? Nothing of that mattered anymore.
All he wanted was to forget that these past months ever happened…
....

To say that Shiki was nervous was probably the understatement of the year as he stood in front of Haruna's front door a few hours after the whole cinema disaster.

It had become pretty late but Hayato was right.
Shiki needed to clear this up and he needed to be honest and all of this couldn't wait any longer because he wouldn't be able to live another day like that.

How would Haruna react to his confession?
Shiki had no clue.
Yet it was important to do this.
Haruna deserved the whole truth even if Shiki was frightened not knowing what would happen after.

Shiki had spent hours together with Hayato, thinking about what to say before he decided to come here, hoping that Haruna would be here and that he was willing to talk.

There was no more turning back now.
Shiki would go through with this.
He took in a deep breath of air, holding it in, his finger pressing the doorbell.

Shiki waited…and waited…so long that it became difficult to hold his breath and he released it audibly, not wanting to suffocate.

Wasn't Haruna at home after all?
That was odd like where else would he go?

Shiki carefully grabbed the door handle, trying to see if it would open.
Surprisingly the door was actually unlocked and he pushed against it.
Had Haruna forgotten to lock it? How careless could one person be?

Inside the flat it was suspiciously quiet.
Maybe Haruna really wasn't here..but his shoes were there but there were other shoes as well that Shiki didn't recognize.
A visitor? At such an hour? Then again Shiki was here too.
What was going on? Would it be better to leave? No, now that he was already here it would be stupid to turn back.

Shiki quietly took off his own shoes, placing them neatly beside the others before stepping in further.

" Harunacchi?" Shiki asked in a whisper before opening the door that separated the entrance and kitchen area from the living room.

It was only mere seconds before he regretted his decision though. He should have turned back.

Shiki should have already learned that faith was a cruel thing and something like happiness was just an empty promise.

Haruna, sitting on the couch was definitely startled, surprised and shocked at the fact that Shiki was suddenly standing in his living room and he looked at Shiki like he was a ghost and so was the girl in Haruna's lap who seemingly had just made out with him mere seconds ago only stopping when they both noticed Shiki's presence.

Shiki most certainly had just run into a scene he shouldn't have witnessed.

" I…I'm…" Shiki stuttered out, averting his eyes.

His whole body was shaking, small hands balling into fists but this time it wasn't anger but a different emotion taking a hold of him.

" Sorry…I..interrupted-ssu…" he pressed the words out in a hushed breath of air, whirling around to get out of here as fast as possible.

" Shiki!" Haruna's voice called out and all Shiki could hear was the girl shrieking.
He guessed it was because Haruna had thrown her off him very unceremoniously.

Shiki didn't care anymore he just wanted to get away but of course Haruna was fast, grabbing for his arm before he was able to properly put on his shoes again.

" Shiki, wait! This isn't what it looks like!"

" Let go" Shiki simply said, not turning around and not looking at Haruna at all.

" Come on Shiki that's…"

" I said...let go" Shiki's voice sounded distant but firm as he turned around to face Haruna.

The look in those turquoise eyes made a cold shiver run down Haruna's spine and he automatically released the grip he had on Shiki's arm.

" Don't touch me ever again-ssu" were the last words Haruna heard out of Shiki's mouth before the other had put on his shoes and left his home in a hurry.

Haruna was frozen to the spot.
He definitely thought Shiki would be angry but the look in those eyes, swimming with tears and such pain, Shiki's whole face contorted in pure agony…Haruna had never seen anything like that and it shocked him to the core, making him unable to act.

Why was Shiki looking at him like that? Why was he here in the first place?

All of this had been a huge mistake.
What had Haruna been thinking?
Bringing home some random girl wasn't anything like him at all.

He thought that it would be good to get some distraction but it hadn't felt right from the start. It was the same as with Meiko back then. It wasn't fair of him to use those girls because he couldn't deal with his own feelings.

Kissing some girl…it was wrong.
Nothing like those kisses he shared with Shiki which had felt so good and so right.

Haruna should stop denying it…deep down he already knew how he really felt.
Yet this time around it was him who had acted impulsively like a rotten brat and now Shiki was…

" Really wow. Way to ruin the mood you big doofus."

" I'm sorry…did you get hurt?" Haruna asked the girl joining his side.

" Luckily not but how harsh of you to throw me off like that…but oh I think I do understand. It is kinda interesting" the girl giggled while putting on the glasses she held in her hand. " You going for a look alike instead of the one you really want…that's so funny it's almost cute."

Haruna twitched nervously, his face blushing a deep red at getting called out like that.

She was right though her black hair was definitely longer, it basically was the same cut and her glasses were the same pink frame and those turquoise eyes just like Shiki's.
Now that Haruna thought about it, even her whole personality was kinda like Shiki's as well.

" Hmm…that didn't go as I expected but if you still want to have fun sometime just call me up" the girl said while putting on her own shoes and grabbing for her small Kumacchi pouch in the corner before she left only mere minutes after Shiki.

Haruna was left alone standing there, unmoving for the next few minutes, until he finally slammed his front door shut and hit his head against it so hard it actually did hurt.

He was such a stupid idiot.
What had he done?
He ruined everything but for what?
Because he'd been angered that Shiki only used him?
Because he couldn't cope with the fact that Shiki seemingly was in love with Hayato while he couldn't be honest with his own feelings?
Honestly Haruna was such a childish idiot…

He sighed deeply.
Shiki's hurt expression would not leave his mind for a long time to come.
Why would Shiki look like that just because he saw Haruna, a guy he seemingly wasn't interested in, with a girl?
Wasn't it kind of weird?
Haruna didn't understand it at all.
It was not logical.

He knew that they direly needed to talk but in a state like this Shiki would definitely refuse to see him.
Maybe it was better to wait for tomorrow until everything had settled down though Haruna was sure he wouldn't be able to close one eye tonight…

~💚~

" What exactly are you planning to do?" Ren asked his roommate, watching how Shiki randomly threw stuff into a suitcase.

" What does it look like? I need to get away from here for a few days-ssu. I can't take this anymore-ssu"

" Take what?"

Instead of answering Shiki continued to randomly pack his suitcase.
He couldn't stay here one more night. Enough is enough. He wouldn't let Haruna trample on his heart anymore.

Hayato had said to be honest but what good would that bring?
When Haruna had made it painfully clear that he didn't care about Shiki at all, shattering his heart into pieces over and over again. Like he wasn't worth anything.

Shiki had just been toyed with all this time. Haruna was like poison and Shiki needed to get him out of his system once and for all but he wouldn't be able to do that if he stayed here any longer.

" There's just a few things I really need to think about-ssu…" Shiki finally said, closing the lid of his suitcase.

" You know that I can't stop you…but..but…I'll be worried…if you just go away like that…" Ren's words got quieter at the end of his sentence.

" Rencchi…"

"S-s-shut up alright!" Ren spluttered out but before he knew it Shiki had already hugged him tightly.

" Thank you Rencchi. I'm so happy you are my friend. I promise I will be back and then I'll tell you everything-ssu. Meanwhile watch over my stuff pwease-ssu"

" R-r-right I will do…man let go you are super annoying"

Shiki couldn't help but to smile a bit before he pushed himself away grabbing the handle of his suitcase.

He had already decided where he wanted to go.
It's been a long time but Shiki decided that it might be the best place to think.
He looked back at his room, the small Kumacchi plush still sitting in his bed.
Shiki turned away, trying to ignore the painful stinging in his chest.
He wouldn't need it anymore…

~💛~

As predicted Haruna hadn't been able to sleep at all this past night, only dozing off from time to time and now he was here standing right in front of Shiki's home.

He didn't know what would happen or if Shiki wanted to talk with him at all but Haruna made a huge mistake and he needed to try and apologize, mustering up all of his courage and finally be honest with himself and his feelings, asking for Shiki to do the same.

Haruna pressed the doorbell and it didn't take long for the door to be opened.

" Oh…I guess you must be Haruna, right?" Ren said all matter of factly.

" And you must be Ren then. Shiki told me a lot about you. Speaking of him…is he here?"

Ren kept silent for a while before he answered.

" I'm sorry…he's not here at least not anymore. I think he left Tokyo yesterday night considering that he packed up some stuff" Ren sighed as he saw Haruna's shocked face. " Yeah, his other friends reacted like that too. They are in his room if you wanna talk to them" Ren opened the door further, stepping aside to let Haruna in.

" Thank you"

What did he mean his other friends and what was that about Shiki leaving town? It couldn't be true.
Shiki wouldn't leave like that. He wouldn't…

Haruna's heart was racing as he walked towards Shiki's room with quick steps.
It wasn't true!

He slammed the door open stepping inside just to be greeted by Jun and Natsuki staring at him but there was no Shiki at all.
No it must be a lie!

" YOU!"

Haruna had no time to prepare and although Hayato was a lot smaller and weaker than him, the advantage of surprise was on his side, helping him to push Haruna against the wall with the force of his whole body.

" You have some nerve showing up here" Hayato practically growled, tightly grabbing the other's collar with a fist, his eyes glaring murderously. " It's all your fault! He's gone and everything is your fault!"

Haruna could feel how Hayato was shaking with rage and he didn't try to struggle or defend himself when a fist came in contact with his face hitting him one time, two times, three times he prepared for the fourth but it never came.

" Hayato stop it!" Takeru said calmly but firmly, having grabbed the other's arm to prevent him from hitting Haruna any further.

" Shiki is…Shiki is…" Hayato huffed out, he was still shaking but his eyes filled with tears.
He let go of Haruna to throw himself into Takeru's arms crying against the other's shoulder.

" I…I don't understand this…" Haruna pressed out with some difficulty, holding his hurting cheeks.

It was his luck that Hayato wasn't all that strong or he might have ended up bloody and with a dislocated jaw.
Still it was painful and Haruna was sure it would definitely bruise.

" We were worried when Shiki didn't show up to rehearsal this morning, not answering any messages or calls, so we came here just to find out that apparently he had left town last night," Jun explained.

" A lot of his stuff is gone too…" Natsuki noted.

" He's gone and no one knows WHEN or IF he will be back and it's your fault!" Hayato hiccuped, looking as miserable as he was probably feeling.

" How's that my fault?" Haruna still didn't understand it. Shiki's gone? To where?

Hayato couldn't take this anymore. Normally he wouldn't have said anything because this was a thing between Shiki and Haruna but enough was enough already.

" Don't you get it you stupid asshole? Shiki loves you, he always has but all you ever do is playing with his feelings and sending him mixed signals"

Haruna looked at Hayato like the other just said something unbelievable. That must be another lie.

" He loves…what? But he said that…" Haruna's brain seemed to be short circuiting at the moment.

" That was a lie you dumbass" Hayato was this close to just going and hitting Haruna again if it wasn't for Takeru still holding him close. " He did all that stuff because he loves you and even if he didn't it was already painfully obvious to everyone but you. Just the way Shiki always looked at you screamed -I love you- all over."

" But…but I-I saw you two yesterday…I thought Shiki…loves you and not" Haruna couldn't believe it.

" T-That kiss…I was the one initiating it because to..to be honest…I love Shiki too and I wanted…to tell him but he doesn't return those feelings because he loves you but what does that mean you saw?…perverted stalker" Hayato stammered out seemingly embarrassed to admit what had happened yesterday and was that just him or did Takeru's grip around him tighten some more?

Haruna couldn't believe what he was hearing as his face turned ghostly white.
Wait…Shiki loved…him?
He staggered a few steps back flopping down onto the soft bed, his green eyes as big as plates.

If that's true.. then it would explain so much.
So this was the reason why Shiki reacted the way he did yesterday. Why he seemed so hurt by Haruna's actions.

Oh God, Haruna truly was such an idiot. He made a bigger mistake than he initially had thought.
Doing a thing like that…he was the worst kind of person really.

" Look, I don't know what it is with you but you gotta stop this. If you don't want to be with Shiki, okay but you gotta tell him that calm and clear and not in a state of anger. Shiki deserves that you are honest with him and vice versa. You both need to face your feelings openly" Hayato released the breath he was holding, rubbing the tears out of his eyes.

" Man I do think I really love him" Haruna said with such certainty in his voice, he was sure that everyone in the room was looking at him now.

" Then tell him that you stupid idiot. I told Shiki the same but it seems like he didn't listen to my advice either" Hayato huffed annoyed.

Haruna flinched knowing very well that this was his fault.
So that was why Shiki had visited him yesterday…

He carefully grabbed the small Kumacchi plush still sitting on the bed, the one that Haruna had won for Shiki at their first meeting and looked at it closely before pressing it tightly to his chest.

God, what had Haruna done? He behaved like such an idiot and now Shiki…

" I'm going to bring him back," Haruna whispered.

" How? We don't even know where he went…" Hayato said, his voice still laced with sadness.

" His hometown…Aomori…but that's all I know" Ren barged in on their conversation, finally entering the room. " What a ruckus right in the morning."

" Then that's where I'll start," Haruna announced, springing up from the bed.

" But where exactly? Aomori city is big…" Jun said.

" And we have no idea where Shiki's parents live or which places he would go…" Hayato mumbled.

Haruna seemed to think for a while.
" But I might know someone who does…"

~💗~

Haruna hadn't thought that he would come back here again but those desperate times called for desperate measures. Haruna wasn't even sure if he would be here in the first place but he couldn't think of any other way to get in contact.
It took him a good hour to finally find the person he was looking for after asking countless students, teachers and other university staff but here he was now.
Down on his knees asking for something unbelievable.

" You want me to do what?" Rei asked not believing what he was hearing and that there was the guy he recently met at the concert, on his knees, begging him for something like that.

" I need you to come with me to Aomori. You are Shiki's ex-boyfriend, right? You both grew up there so you certainly know the places he would go to" Haruna explained once again.

" Well there are a few places that come to my mind right away. I still don't understand though. Shiki went back? Why?" Rei wasn't sure what this was all about.

He never thought that one of Shiki's new friends would ever search for him at university, requesting something odd like that.

" It's my fault. I did something I shouldn't have and now Shiki's gone and I need to find him and apologize properly, bring him back home but I have no clue where to start"

" First of all…stand up. I don't need you sliding around on your knees. Your name…it's Haruna, right? Why would you do that for Shiki? Why would you go this far for a friend?" Rei asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

This time Haruna didn't hesitate one second.
" Because I love him."

The look on Rei's face changed from stoic to surprised before he lifted a hand in front of his mouth and smiled.

So that's how it was? Had Haruna been the guy Shiki was referring to when he told Rei that he was in love again?
If that was the case…

Rei sighted before returning to his stoic expression.

" All right Haruna-san. I'll come with you and help to bring Shiki back but just because that guy's an absolute idiot and even after all those years I can't help but to worry…plus Shiki has a habit of bringing himself into dangerous situations so it would be best to find him soon"

" Thank you Rei" Haruna felt like there was a heavy stone lifted from his heart.
" Just you wait, Iseya Shiki. I'm coming and I'm going to bring you back to where you belong."

Chapter Text

Somehow this was a strange situation.
Haruna had thought about it a lot in these past hours.

Was he really on his way to a city he didn't know to get back the guy he was in love with?
And the most weird thing about it: Did he really take along said guy's ex-boyfriend?

Like who would do something like that?
It was just idiotic in so many ways but Haruna knew very well that he had a lot of stupid ideas more often than he liked to admit but sometimes those that sounded the dumbest actually were the best ones, right?

Like Hayato's idea for him to try out that rental girl-and-boyfriend website. At first it had sounded absolute ridiculous and stupid to Haruna but in the end it turned out to be one of the best ideas Hayato ever had.

It was only because of that small stupid idea that Haruna had been able to meet Shiki.
It was the best thing that had ever happened to Haruna and he…well he fucking ruined it.

But…Haruna would make sure to fix it…somehow…or so he hoped because to be honest he had no idea what to do once they found Shiki.

How could he express his feelings in a good way? What were the right words to say? Would Shiki even believe him?
Haruna had no clue and yet he needed to try.

Rei wasn't of much help so far since Haruna found that he actually was kind of the quiet type of guy which made this three hour long train ride pretty awkward.

They were practically strangers to one another but now they were on a mission together to find and bring home a lost puppy better known as Shiki.

It was odd that Rei had agreed to come with Haruna so easily and he wondered why Rei would do such a thing for his ex-boyfriend?

Could it be that there were still feelings of love involved in this?
Haruna didn't know.
Rei wasn't really easy to read, kinda like Jun but with a less bad temper.

Haruna remembered that time he had accidentally eavesdropped on Shiki's and Rei's conversation and it seemed like the latter was already over their relationship.

" Uhm…uhm…so what will be first once we arrive? His parents' home?"

Rei's blue eyes shifted from the window towards Haruna.

" Definitely not. That's probably the last place Shiki would go to" Rei explained.

It sounded like Shiki's relationship with his parents wasn't really a good one.
Haruna didn't know. Shiki never really talked about his parents or family in general and maybe that was the reason.

Rei seemed to know a lot about Shiki that Haruna doesn't.
It was a given though since he knew Shiki much longer but yet it somehow made Haruna feel jealous.
How annoying it was. Maybe it would have been better not to take Rei along but then he would have been completely lost.
Oh well Haruna would make sure to learn more about Shiki, more than anyone else…

He still couldn't believe the words Hayato had been telling him.
So all this time Shiki had been in love with him?
Why did he never tell Haruna and how come Haruna never noticed?
Was he really that stupid? (A.n.: yes Haruna you are)
Or did he ignore it on purpose? Somehow hadn't he already know from the start…

Of course Shiki wouldn't tell him just like that after everything that happened in his past and probably believing that Haruna was interested in girls only.

Which he was, yes, but Shiki…it was different.
Before Haruna would have never thought he could have feelings like that for another guy…but…
Maybe he was bisexual after all? Who knows?
Right now it wasn't important and all Haruna knew was that he loved Shiki and that he would make this right somehow.

" Shin-Aomori" the speaker of the train announced.

" It's time to get off," Rei said, his stoic voice and expression yet again reminding Haruna of Jun and he tried not to giggle amused.

" Yeah I know that…" Haruna mumbled, packing up his stuff.

So this was the place Shiki grew up in. They were here finally.
For an unfathomable reason Haruna's heart was racing.
Haruna had no plan what they would do from here on and he could only trust Rei to lead the way. A guy he almost didn't know…

The first thing he did once they left the train was to shiver as an icy wind hit him directly.

" Damn that's cold" Haruna stuttered out, fastening the scarf around his neck.

" Well what do you expect? We are far up north and it's october" Rei sighed like he was already thinking that Haruna was a complete idiot…

Which wasn't so far off actually.

" We'll be taking the bus from here and then walk for a bit."

" Where are we going?" Haruna asked Tagging alongside Rei in this unfamiliar but fascinating place.

" To the only person Shiki would go to."

" Who's that?"

Haruna's question was left unanswered with Rei just smiling at him mysteriously and he decided to leave it at that and nit ask any further.

Truth be told Rei was kind of a weird guy himself and Haruna wasn't sure if it was the best idea to take him along but in the end he had no other choice left.
Rei was his only chance at finding Shiki fast without having to spend weeks in an unfamiliar city.

While they drove with the bus Haruna decided to just look out the window, pressing his nose against the cold glass.

Aomori truly was an interesting city.
It was different from Tokyo but beautiful in its own way.

Haruna had seen the city in pictures here and there but he never actually visited before.

Even the people seemed so different from those in Tokyo, sometimes speaking words that Haruna couldn't understand.

Then this must be the famous tsugaru dialect Haruna had heard about in school. Very fascinating but also concerning like how was Haruna able to communicate?

" Don't worry about it" Rei seemed to notice his concern. " not everyone here speaks in dialect and even if they do, most are capable of understanding and replying in standard japanese."

" Can Shiki speak like that too?"

" He grew up here. Of course he's able to and so am I" Rei rolled his eyes like he was annoyed.

Wow, Shiki really was full of surprises. Haruna couldn't wait to see him again. He wanted to talk to Shiki so badly, bring him back home although he had no idea how to do it.
He gripped his own chest tightly. No matter what. He would definitely figure it out.

They drove for a good while before Rei told him that they were getting off at the next station.

Haruna still had no idea where they were headed to, but it seemed like a more quiet area of the city with lots of small but cute family houses, parks and some convenience stores here and there.

Rei maneuvered them through the streets with determination knowing exactly where they had to go.
Which of course he would, he grew up here after all and Haruna followed quietly. He had no other choice but to entirely trust Rei on this.

They walked for a bit, maybe around 15 minutes, before Rei stopped in front of a house.
It was small but looked cozy from the outside with a nice equally tiny but beautiful garden.

" Here we are"

" And who lives here?" Haruna asked, reading the sign on the door that said "Iseya".

So one of Shiki's relatives?
But Rei said that Shiki wouldn't go to his parents.
Who could it be then?

" Oh you'll see but if anyone knows where Shiki might have went to then it's her" Rei didn't hesitate to press the doorbell like it was no big deal.

They waited for a bit but soon enough the door was opened revealing an old lady who at first looked at them confused but soon enough smiled when her eyes settled onto Rei.

Haruna instantly noticed that they were the same turquoise colour as Shiki's.
Was this old lady perhaps his grandmother?

Rei confirmed his first hunch when he smiled back at the old lady just as brightly.

" Granny long time no see"

" Oh Rei, how long has it been? Look at you all grown up and beautiful" Shiki's grandmother said cupping Rei's cheeks with her hands to look him over before hugging him tight. " I missed seeing you around. What brings you here and who's that handsome young man at your side? A new boyfriend?"

" What? No way in hell" Rei said, as if the thought alone was absurd. '' He's an acquaintance of mine and a friend of Shiki."

" My name's Wakazato Haruna. It's nice meeting you" Haruna said, bowing deeply once.

" A friend of Shiki? From Tokyo? How very exciting. Shiki never told me that he found new friends."

Haruna didn't know what it was but this old lady definitely was a good woman. Something about her whole presence seemed so warm and reassuring Haruna couldn't help but to feel safe.

Maybe that's just how grandmothers were supposed to be?
Haruna didn't know since he never met his own.

" Granny this is important" Rei gently grabbed her shoulders, pushing himself away from Shiki's grandmother to look her in the eyes. " Has Shiki been here recently?"

" Oh dear, yes. He arrived yesterday in the middle of the night. He seemed to be very distraught and frozen to the bones as he walked all the way from the train station to here. I was so surprised to see him but of course he's my precious Shiki so I let him inside and take a warm bath, cooking up some stew at three in the morning. He didn't talk to me about what happened but he seemed so sad. He just went to bed after and left the house about two hours ago. Oh Rei, whatever happened to him?"

" It's a long story, granny."

" And I'm old and have time to listen. You two must be cold too so please come in and I'll make some tea."

Rei shared a small glance with Haruna who nodded in agreement.
There was no sense in running around aimlessly anyways but maybe Shiki's grandmother could give them a hint as to where Shiki vanished too.

Also if Haruna's mother teached him anything then it was that refusing tea from old people was downright rude…

The house inside was just as cozy as it appeared from the outside.
Haruna couldn't help but to look around maybe a bit too much while Shiki's grandmother prepared some tea and snacks.

Strawberry tea, she had said, because it was Shiki's favorite.
Haruna smiled at that simple fact because it was so typical of Shiki.

He looked at all the different pictures on the walls and on the cupboards.

There was one picture in particular, in a beautiful golden frame, that instantly catched Haruna's attention.

It was bad to be nosy, he knew, but he was too curious and he carefully picked it up from its place to have a closer look.

" Your parents didn't teach you any manners did they? Don't just touch other people's stuff" Rei scolded him with a scowl on his face but then he stepped closer. " That's Shiki's family. His mother, father, older sister and that baby in her arms is Shiki himself. That's such an old photo."

Up until now Haruna hadn't even been aware of the fact that Shiki had siblings. An older sister?
There was so much that Haruna didn't know yet, so much Shiki was still hiding.

When Rei had told him that Shiki would "never visit his parents"...did that mean they weren't on good terms?

It was weird…in that photo they just looked like your typical happy picture perfect family but obviously there was more behind it. What might have happened between them?

Well looking at Shiki's mother up close, at least one of Haruna's questions was answered.
Shiki definitely inherited all that beauty from her, especially those stunning turquoise eyes.

" It's a nice picture, isn't it? I've been treasuring it for all these years"

" I'm sorry I didn't mean to snoop around" Haruna apologized to Shiki's grandmother who had entered the living room again, a tray with tea and snacks in her hand.

" It's alright. Photos are there to be looked at after all. Please have a seat and tell me what happened to my grandson that he would come visit me in the middle of the night."

Haruna wasn't sure how he should explain everything.
He had no clue what the relationship of Shiki and his grandmother was and how much she knew about her own grandson.

Luckily once they were seated on the couch Rei took that decision from him.

" You know granny, I would call it love sickness. It appears that Shiki suffers from a broken heart" Rei explained, risking a sideways glance at Haruna who visibly flinched, taking a big sip from his tea.

" Oh dear, that can be hard to take but I wonder why he didn't tell me? Then again Shiki always tries to solve everything on his own. Even back then when he was still in love with you. He always seemed to be so lonely. I tried my best to help him besides his parents' protest but this grandson of mine really worries me sometimes."

So that's how it was.
Shiki's grandmother knew about everything that happened in the past…

She was probably the only family member Shiki could turn to and all that idiot did was to worry that old lady...

Honestly, Shiki really could be a dumbass from time to time and yes he was cute but also pretty stubborn and yet Haruna loved him.
He loved him so much…

" I'm going to bring him back," Haruna announced out of nowhere. " So you don't have to worry anymore. I'm going to protect Shiki"

Shiki's grandmother at first looked surprised but then she smiled warmly.

" I can tell that Shiki is really important to you, more than anyone else."

Haruna faintly blushed at that. It was the truth though. Maybe he should start by not only being honest to himself but also to the people around him.

" H-How did you notice?"

" I see it in your eyes everytime you talk about him. Young love is so beautiful."

Haruna almost choked on his own tea, coughing madly while Rei only giggled.
Had he been seen through so easily? Did his feelings really become that obvious?

" Well don't worry about it granny. I'm sure Haruna-san will take good care of Shiki from now on" Rei mentioned it like it was nothing out of the ordinary. " But first we gotta find him. Did Shiki mention anything that could lead us to where he'd been going to?"

" I tried to ask him but he didn't really want to tell me. All he said was he's going to a place where everything went downhill but I don't know what he means by that"

Rei seemed to think about it for a few minutes before slowly there was a hint of realization in his eyes.

" I think I might know where that place could be"

" Where?" Haruna instantly asked like he wanted to spring up and go at any given second.

" I'll show you..but if I'm mistaken…"

" Just come back here. He has to show up again sooner or later" Granny suggested.

" It seems like a plan to me" Rei looked at Haruna who nodded, finishing his tea and stuffing himself full with snacks.

These really were the best cookies he's ever eaten in his life.
Maybe that was the magic of a grandmother?

" I'm awl hiw on sugaaw now, sow towally weady wo gow" Haruna announced his mouth still stuffed full with cookies.

" You are unbelievably rude," Rei complained, resisting the urge to smack the other's head. " Do you have any manners at all?"

" It's totally fine,'' Shiki's grandmother answered with a laugh. " Please Haruna-san bring my grandson back to me"

Haruna swallowed the last piece of cookies.

" Totally will do. I won't give up until this mission is successfully completed. I- I love him after all"

Admitting it like that in front of other people was still a bit embarrassing but Haruna didn't want to hesitate anymore.
Now that his feelings were clear to him, he didn't want to wait any longer.
He wanted to see Shiki as soon as possible.

Although there still was a chance that Shiki might reject him, Haruna needed to try.

Rei nodded his head, finishing his own tea.

" Very well…we'll take our leave then"

They said their goodbye to grandmother Iseya to continue their way on this, to Haruna, so unfamiliar streets.

" What a nice old lady"

" She's the only family member supportive of Shiki…well her and his sister. You know Shiki's parents were always pretty busy with work and stuff so he spent most of his childhood days with his grandmother. I think it's fair to say that she raised him sometimes more than his own parents did" Rei explained.

" I see…I never knew that. I wanna meet his sister too one day"

" If Shiki lets you, why not? But be warned they're a bit too much alike from time to time and it can be a lot to handle"

Haruna had to smile at that. Maybe Shiki's sister had been kind of a role model for him in his childhood?

" I really wanna see him…"

" And what are you gonna say?"

" I'm not really sure. I guess I'll just be going with the flow" Haruna answered.

" If Shiki ends up saying yes, then I hope you are prepared. Things might have changed a bit but there still will be social stigma all around you…"

" I don't care. I won't let that ruin anything because I really love Shiki you know"

" That's all I needed to hear"

Haruna could understand the concern. Of course Rei would be worried about Shiki because what would happen if Haruna decided to back out of it after all…

Well he wouldn't. Haruna couldn't give a care in the world what others might say or think.
He'd make sure that Shiki was happy and felt loved.
The other should never experience pain like that again.
Haruna would make it right…somehow.

" Well let's see according to granny…and thinking about it…there might only be two places that Shiki's at…first being the highschool…but I highly doubt it…I mean why would he go back there? This place is a living hell. The second option however…"

" Where's the second option at?" Haruna asked, hoping that he would get an answer this time.

" The playground near my parents home…we used to hang out there a lot. Spent one whole night there after our parents found out about us. That was a huge fight. I tell you…"

Haruna couldn't imagine. Seeing Shiki's parents in the picture, they appeared to be so normal but maybe that was the problem.
Shiki with his eccentric style and sexual preference might not be normal enough for his parents liking.

What would Haruna's own mother say once he told her? Would she be disappointed too? Angry at him?

Then again Haruna's mother had always been supportive of him and his decisions so he was sure that, even if it might be a shock for her in the beginning, she would understand sooner or later.
At least Haruna hoped for it…

Rei led him through all kinds of different streets and Haruna wished he would have more time to explore everything since he was curious by nature.

Maybe one day he would be able to come back together with Shiki and see more of this city. Like Shiki showing him all his favorite places and stuff…

They stopped at one conbini to buy some snacks since it was already getting close to sunset before boarding another bus.

What would happen once they found Shiki?
Haruna tried to play it cool but on the inside he really started to worry.

After all Shiki went so far away, all on his own, without telling anyone.
Which meant he really didn't want to see a single soul, least of all Haruna.

Haruna needed to make this right. There was no other way. He wouldn't leave without Shiki but what if the other decided to run away again?

Haruna would follow him to the end of the earth and then?
He didn't know…

The place they left the bus appeared to be a very fancy neighbourhood with lots of big beautiful houses, some of them appearing to be real villas and very clean beautiful streets.

" And you used to live here?" Haruna asked astounded.

" Yes I did"

" So your family is kinda rich or somethin'?"

" You could say that. But what has that to do with Shiki?" Rei asked, irritated.

" Nothing actually but I want to know more about you too. Like aren't we kinda friends or something?"

Rei at first looked kinda stunned before he clicked his tongue.
" Really both you and Shiki are just idiots but I guess that's why you are clicking together so well. Come on now. It's not far"

Rei guided them through some alleys, down a main street and then through another labyrinth of back alleys before they finally arrived at their destination.

There was a small park with an equally small playground.
Some nice trees and benches, a neat gravel path, flower beds, a slide, some swings and a small sandbox.
It seemed to be a well looked after place but that was to be expected in a fancy neighbourhood like this.

Haruna's green eyes flickered around and sure enough he found the one person he desired to see the most…

Shiki was sitting on one of the swings, head held low, like he was really thinking about something.

Haruna's heart was racing just at the fact of seeing the other but he held back his first impulse to run towards Shiki and tackle him into a hug.

Shiki looked so sad but also beautiful in the light of the setting sun.
Haruna was starting to feel nervous. He really hadn't thought that through.
This was going to be a disaster for sure…

" Well there he is. Now the rest is up to you"

" You are not coming along?" Haruna asked almost panicked, his eyes shifting towards Rei.

" I brought you to him, like promised. This is a thing between the two of you. I'm going to visit my family and with family I mean dog but if you need anything just call me. Good Luck"

Rei gave him a reassuring push into Shiki's direction.
Well he was right..this was between Haruna and Shiki…and Haruna needed to act.

" Thank you Rei" he took in a deep breath of air before he slowly approached the other.
Haruna's feet felt so wobbly he feared he might trip over them. The beating of his own heart was echoing in his ears.

Shiki didn't seem to notice Haruna's presence at all since he kept sitting quietly, his turquoise eyes casted to the ground.

Haruna moved as silent as possible until he was right in front of the other but even then Shiki didn't seem to notice.

He carefully placed his hands left and right on the swing chains just above Shiki's own.

" I finally found you…"

Turquoise eyes moved up to look at him…

Chapter Text

Shiki at first looked utterly confused when Haruna was right before him but then his expression changed to a shocked one.
This wasn't right.
Haruna of all people couldn't be here.

This absolutely wasn't real.
Maybe the cold out here was confusing Shiki's mind and he was starting to see things or worse he might have already frozen to death and this was the other side. Would be typical for Shiki that Haruna was there.

" Shiki…?"

Shiki looked into the green eyes of that obviously fake Haruna because there was no way he was actually here.
Or was there? After all Shiki didn't feel dead or like his mind was confused.

Shiki didn't know what to say and he quietly moved, standing up, forcing Haruna to take a step back.
This couldn't be reality.

" Shiki?" Haruna asked again. Now it was his turn to be confused. What was going on?

Shiki put his hands on the other's chest. Well that felt pretty real.
Could it be?
Shiki frantically moved his hands around Haruna's upper body.

Haruna was irritated at first but then it seemed to click in his mind.

" Shiki you idiot, I am real"

It was unbelievable. How could that be?
Why was Haruna here all of a sudden?
Shiki looked at the other with big turquoise eyes opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

" Shiki…I'm…"

Everything happened so fast Haruna almost wasn't able to keep up.

Shiki yelped before he turned right and started to run off and Haruna was left staring at an empty spot for a few seconds before his brain finally catched up to what was happening.

" Wha-? Wait!" He instantly followed the other, chasing Shiki around the playground like some kids immersed in a game of tag.

Lucky enough Shiki wasn't blessed with a lot of stamina so it was pretty easy for Haruna to catch up, wrapping his arms around the other's waist and stopping him from running.

" Hold it right there"

" Let me go-ssu!" Shiki shrieked, thrashing about, trying to break free.
Haruna had always been stronger though so in the end it was to no avail.

" Why are you even here? Idiot Harunacchi-ssu!"

Haruna let Shiki have his little temper tantrum holding him tight while the other screamed and struggled.
It was only a matter of time until he would wear himself out if he continued like that and really after a few minutes he went limp in Haruna's arms, breathing heavily.

" You finished now?"

" S-Shut it-ssu! I-I don't get it…what are you doing here?"

Haruna let go of the other. Shiki was standing right before him but he didn't turn around to face Haruna, arms crossed in front of his chest like a stubborn child.

" I was worried when I heard that you were gone. Ren told me you went back to Aomori so I came looking for you" Haruna explained.

" How did you even find me in a city this big?"

"Let's say I had help from someone who knows you pretty well"

" Reicchi-ssu…" Shiki concluded and Haruna noticed how he started to look around.

" He's not here anymore. Said he wanted to visit his family and stuff…but Shiki…I am.." where should Haruna start? What were the right words to say?

" Why did you come?" Shiki asked out of the blue.

" Like I said I was worried about you and…and also…I need to tell you something…"

Shiki turned around and although he tried to keep his eyes casted to the ground Haruna could see the hurt in them and he also noticed how the other's hands were trembling.

" I have nothing to say to you-ssu" Shiki mumbled, his fingers digging into his arms. " Honestly…what is up with you? Teaming up with my ex and travelling all the way to find me when you could just have stayed in Tokyo and enjoyed yourself-ssu. I think you totally lost it-ssu"

" Yeah…it's a bit crazy, isn't it?" Haruna answered after a few moments of silence. " You are right. I think I have completely lost it. All I've ever been was a huge idiot. From the beginning I hurt you over and over just because I couldn't be honest with myself. I know no matter what I say I can't make this right but from now on I want to be honest. I made a huge mistake when I brought that girl home with me"

" What has this to do with that? You are making no sense-ssu…" Shiki couldn't understand what Haruna was trying to say.

" It's just…I saw you together with Hayato…after the movie. I know it's stupid…but I got awfully jealous…I don't want other people to touch you like that but instead of being honest and confront you I acted so childish…I'm sorry"

Jealous? Of Hayato? Why? Shiki didn't understand. His brain wasn't able to catch up to this. What was Haruna saying?

" Harunacchi…what? What does that mean?"

" Don't you know that?"

It was now or never. Haruna needed to say those three little words. No more lies, no more hiding and living in denial.

" Shiki…I…" Haruna took in a deep breath, trying to calm down his nerves. Shiki was looking at him with those beautiful turquoise eyes. " I…I love…you"

Silence.

It was all that followed after Haruna's confession.
Shiki was standing there, frozen to the spot, staring at the other with wide eyes, his brain needing time to process the words.

They finally seemed to hit home when Shiki let his head hang low, hiding his eyes behind his fringe.

" Oi…Shiki?" Haruna asked carefully when he noticed how the other's shoulders were shaking.
What kind of reaction was that?

Once Shiki raised his head again, Haruna took in an audible gasp, seeing those big tears rolling down the other's cheeks.
Shiki tried hard to control his sobbing but it came out anyway.

" What? What? Shiki?! Ah..eh..w-what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did I say something offensive? P-please calm down" Haruna sputtered out waving his arms around in panic not knowing what to do.

" Harunacchi…" Shiki coaxed out. " That's just a cruel joke-ssu"

" I'm not joking. I'm dead serious here" Haruna instantly replied.

" That can't be-ssu"

" Goddamnit Shiki…I wouldn't joke about something like this, don't be an idiot" Haruna couldn't take it anymore as he engulfed the other into a hug, pressing Shiki as close to his body as possible without hurting him. " When I say I love you then I mean it."

It couldn't be true. Shiki was sure that he must be dreaming but everything around him felt so real.

All Shiki could hear was Haruna's heartbeat as he was pushed tightly against the other's chest, the alluring warmth and scent of Haruna making him feel so comfortable and content, forgetting about anything else.
Even when hugging Shiki so tight Haruna was so gentle, it was the first thing that Shiki had noticed back then and Shiki he was..

There was no hope for him anymore.

Shiki had come here because he thought he could forget but the truth was no matter how hard he tried Shiki was already addicted.

Those feelings of love were there and they wouldn't just vanish and in all honesty Shiki didn't want them too.

Even if it did hurt as long as it was Haruna Shiki could take a little pain.
As long as he was held as close as this, Shiki would be able to survive.
His small hands clutched into the other's jacket like Shiki's life depended on it.

Haruna had been honest with him and he deserved to hear the truth from Shiki too.

" I'm…sorry-ssu" Shiki sniffled out, cuddling closer into Haruna's chest.
" Harunacchi…the morning after the concert…the truth is…I've been lying-ssu. I didn't do all that just because I thought it was funsies…it's…you…know-ssu…"

Speaking the words out for real was harder than Shiki could have imagined. His cheeks that have felt so cold due to the weather and his tears, were now suddenly burning hot and he assumed bright red.
Why couldn't he just say it out loud?

" Yeah I know," Haruna whispered, nuzzling his nose into Shiki's soft hair. " Hayato told me"

Damn that Hayato for not being able to keep a secret.
So now Haruna knew…but he still was here…and he said that he loved Shiki too.
Everything seemed to be perfect except it really wasn't.

" What I said back then-ssu…I'm sorry-ssu but I…I was so afraid…of what might happen-ssu. What if everything turns out wrong again? I tried to leave my fear behind but I couldn't…truth be told…I still can't-ssu. I'm not able to jump into a new relationship like that. I just wouldn't be able to handle another heartbreak-ssu"

" That's alright. I don't need your answer immediately. I know I did a lot of things that hurt you and even if it was unconsciously it still left a bitter mark. I will prove to you that I'm serious about this. I'll show you that no matter what happens I'll always be by your side, loving you unconditionally. I'm okay with waiting until you are able to give me a proper answer however long it will take."

Shiki was too stunned to speak. What was Haruna saying? Shiki was sure that he must be dreaming. Something like this couldn't be real.

The tears he had tried so hard to stop were overflowing once more but this time they weren't of a sad nature.

Shiki's heart was leaping madly in his chest as he looked up into green eyes that stared at him so gentle and loving, a warm hand resting on his cheek.

" Harunacchi…I think you have totes lost it-ssu" Shiki whispered out but there was a small smile on his lips.

" It's because I love you so much, '' Haruna answered, bending down to kiss away those tears from the other's cheek. " And I will prove it to you over and over for all the years to come"

Shiki's heartbeat was getting worrisomely erratic when lips touched his own.
It was tasting salty due to his tears but it was so soft and warm, making sparks fly all around in Shiki's body.

His hands finally let go of Haruna's jacket to wrap his arms around the other's neck.

Haruna's hand was still resting on Shiki's cheek, thumb lovingly stroking over it while his other arm was wrapped around Shiki's waist holding him tightly and Haruna almost smiled into the kiss when he noticed how Shiki was tiptoeing to deepen the kiss further.
It was such a simple gesture but it made goosebumps roll over Haruna's skin. He wanted, no he needed to be close.

The air around was cold but right here between them it felt so warm and pleasant. Shiki and Haruna both agreed in their minds that from all the kisses they shared, this was their favorite one.

A shame that the moment needed to end sooner or later but even if they wanted neither Shiki nor Haruna could keep this up forever no matter how good it felt.

After they separated, Shiki was looking at Haruna with those big round eyes, bright red blush on his cheeks and lips so rosy and plumb, kissable a hundred percent, Haruna almost couldn't take it.

Shiki was so cute Haruna wanted to kiss him again and again but he knew that he shouldn't overdo it.

Leaving Shiki enough time to process and think about everything was important too. Haruna didn't want to overwhelm him or make Shiki feel pressured to give his answer as soon as possible.

" Let's take it slow alright?" Haruna said with a small smile not being able to resist giving a light peck to Shiki's nose, connecting their foreheads together.
" In the meantime we'll just start with a date or two."

" Dummy Harunacchi what makes you so confident to think that I'll go out with you?" Shiki had that cheeky grin on his face and mischievous glint in his eyes that made Haruna's heart skip a beat and he knew that Shiki wouldn't like the answer.

" Uhm..you know…with being honest and all…I'll have another confession to make" Haruna started to mumble awkwardly taking a few steps back. " Before I came here I was thinking a lot about what might happen and what I should do if you refuse to see me and I…I went on the website of your agency again…"

Shiki raised an eyebrow looking at Haruna who was uncomfortably shifting from one foot to the other.

" W-well I rented you out again for the day after tomorrow so…"

" You did what? Harunacchi you idiot-ssu" Shiki grumbled. " What kind of date is that?"

Shiki had no clue about it since he didn't look at his phone at all today. People requesting him had become a rare occurrence lately since he refused most of them after coming to terms with being in love with Haruna.

" Look man I'm sorry but I couldn't think of any other way to get in touch with you if you didn't want to see me…I know it's idiotic…" Haruna admitted shyly.

Shiki turned his back towards the other, crossing his arms in front of his chest and picking up his nose with an offended "Hmpf"- sound.

" I totes refuse to fulfill your request stuuuupid Harunacchi"

" Can you really? You know the agency wrote that they sent you the request but they couldn't guarantee that you would show up since you've been refusing a lot of requests lately and your popularity has dropped immensely according to the rating on your profile page. If you say no again don't you risk getting fired sooner or later? Can you really afford that?" Haruna asked curiously.

Shiki whirled around with an indignant yelp, looking at Haruna shocked and angry at the same time.

" What are you? A crazy stalker or somethin'?" Shiki hissed clearly angered, his fists hitting against Haruna's chest rapidly but leaving the other unfazed as Shiki had no strength whatsoever.
" Harunacchi you jerk-ssu! Talking all high and mighty how much you love me but you can't even ask me out properly?"

" I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Haruna shrieked, catching Shiki's fists with both of his hands to stop the other from hitting him over and over. Shiki tried to struggle, huffing angrily but Haruna was way too strong for him to put up much of a fight. " I know it isn't ideal but I was desperate and I'm here right now so please Shiki will you go on a date with me?"

" It doesn't count if you already rented me-ssu"

" Shiki please…"

Shiki was hit with big, green puppy eyes, the invisible sparkles flying all around Haruna, looking so pleading, as he silently whined.

How should Shiki resist such a pitiful image? It was an impossible thing to do.

Shiki sighted defeated. There was no helping it. Haruna wouldn't give up anyways.

" All righty right I'm going with you-ssu…" Shiki mumbled.

Haruna's whole mood changed in the span of a few milliseconds and he squealed happily engulfing the other in a tight hug.

" I promise it will be the best day ever!!"

" Alrighty-ssu! B-but it's too late…to go back to Tokyo today-ssu" Shiki said looking up into the sky, the first stars were showing already. " Where do you stay tonight?"

" You see that's another thing I didn't plan through ahahaha" Haruna admitted with a chuckle. " but I'm sure I'll find something."

" Or you could just come with me to my grannys home-ssu. She's a nice lady so I'm sure she doesn't mind-ssu"

" Oh I know. Rei introduced me to her" Haruna explained with a smile. " He was convinced she's the only person knowing where you've gone to and right he was. I'd really love to stay there."

" I see he did that-ssu. I guess I have to thank Reicchi later-ssu"

" You and me both…" Haruna agreed in a whisper before he seemed to remember something. " Oh right. Here you go."

Shiki looked confused when Haruna took off the scarf from his neck and carefully wrapped it around Shiki's own.

" I just thought you looked kinda cold but I guess that might help" Haruna was smiling so brightly Shiki felt almost blinded by it and he huffed with a red blush on his cheeks.

The scarf definitely was a bit too big for Shiki but it still was warm, soft and smelled like Haruna all over.
Shiki wouldn't complain about that…

" Thanksie-ssu"

" Now we are all ready to go," Haruna hummed, taking the other's hand in his own and pulling Shiki along with him.

To be honest Shiki had never felt this happy before…

" Jeez I thought they were not gonna make it…" Rei whispered out once the other two were far enough away. " My whole back is hurting"

He carefully lifted himself up from behind the bushes he had been hiding in, picking some leaves out of his hair.

Rei really had intended to go and visit his parents home but then he'd been worried about those two and he decided to stay hidden.
In the end it seemed like he didn't have to worry at all though.

Haruna and Shiki were both making steps into the right direction and maybe the way was still long but Rei was pretty sure that they would figure it out together.

He watched how those two vanished into the distance, holding hands and Rei had to gently smile.

" Aaahh I really wanna go and see Alto right now…"

~🏡~

Of course returning to Shiki's grandmother's home was followed by a loud ruckus with granny smothering her grandson in hugs and kisses to the cheeks because she's been worried so much and thanking Haruna at least a dozen of times offering them even more snacks and hot chocolate which Haruna of course would never decline.

Of course Shiki did protest a lot not wanting his grandmother to get that overly excited and Haruna had to giggle hearing them both arguing in dialect with each other though he didn't even understand half of it.

They truly were a lively family after all and after a lot of food and a nice, warm shower Haruna was totally ready to hit the covers because this day had already been exhausting enough but not without Shiki's grandmother deciding to show him some more family pictures embarrassing her own grandson even further before she let them retreat for the night.

" I can't believe this woman-ssu. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that-ssu" Shiki sighted once they finally made it to the second floor.

" Oh no I found it very refreshing actually. You sound cute speaking with your grandmother and you were an adorable child"

" Why did she have to show you those photos? How embarrassing-ssu!" Shiki complained and Haruna chuckled lightly.

Shiki led them into a room at the far end of the corridor.

" This is where I used to play when I was younger-ssu."

Haruna looked around the room. It seemed like Shiki's granny had left everything as it was back when Shiki was still a child.
There were a lot of toys on different shelves and a small table with packages of crayons on top of it. Some cute pictures on the wall and a small baby blue sofa.

" But the real cool hangout is up there-ssu" Shiki pointed towards a ladder that led up into an extra space. " I'll show you-ssu"

Haruna followed Shiki up there without any second thoughts.
Shiki seemed to be very eager to show Haruna the "cool hangout".

As he expected it was some small extra space people might use for storing things but Shiki had turned it into a sleeping spot, with a futon and lots of different blankets, pillows and plushies, mostly Kumacchis of course.

There was a string of fairy lights, illuminating one side of the room while on the other side there was a window.
Some of Shiki's childhood drawings were plastered onto the wall.

Haruna had to smile as he looked closer at one of the drawings showing a Kumacchi, together with a boy, which Haruna assumed must be Shiki, fighting some alien monsters.

" I used to be up here all the time-ssu," Shiki explained. " but I never brought anyone with me."

" Understandable..it's a bit cramped" Haruna noted.

Of course Shiki was small so it wasn't much of a problem for him but Haruna with his size felt like he wouldn't even be able to turn around or sit upright in this compromised space.

" Well your own fault for being sooo mega tall-ssu" Shiki giggled, wrapping himself into one of the blankets. " I think it's a mega nice place-ssu. I like looking out the window at the stars and you can easily get away from people-ssu"

" People…like your parents?" Haruna asked carefully, voice a mere whisper.

There was a short moment of silence with Shiki seeming to think about what to say before he opened his mouth again.

" Ya know I just never was good enough for them…not that they were here all that much-ssu. When they found out about my relationship with Reicchi everything got worse-ssu. I haven't really contacted them a lot ever since moving to Tokyo cause I know they would never accept me no matter what I do-ssu…" Shiki shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal.

Haruna couldn't imagine that. His mother had always been one of the most, if not the most, important person in his life and not seeing or talking to her seemed to be something so impossible to him.

Yet there were other people out there who's relationships with their parents weren't that good.
It was sad to think about it but…

" Doesn't matter…you have me now" Haruna said smiling warmly as he pulled the blanket over Shiki's head too.

" Seems like it-ssu" Shiki couldn't help but to smile back.

He looked so irresistibly cute in those pink Kumacchi pajamas, wrapped in a green blanket.
Haruna wanted to kiss him so badly but he didn't want to rush things. After all, he promised Shiki that he would give him all the time he needed.

Luckily enough Shiki took that decision from him as he leaned forward, ever so gently pushing their lips together.

It probably was the softest and most innocent kiss Haruna has ever received but yet it made little fireworks explode all in his stomach.

Once Shiki retreated there was a bright red blush on his cheeks.
God Haruna's heart felt like exploding being confronted with this much cuteness. It was hard to take.
Unbelievable but Haruna was truly head over heels in love.

Shiki carefully removed the glasses from his nose, placing them in a safe spot so they wouldn't accidentally break over night before he flopped down onto the futon.

Right, that made Haruna wonder about something.

" Say, where am I supposed to sleep?"

Haruna was glad that although he didn't plan on where to stay, he still had brought some fresh clothes and pajamas in his backpack just in case the search for Shiki might take longer.

However he was relieved that they had managed to find Shiki so soon and that they were here together now.

" I-It's okay if you stay here with me-ssu" Shiki whispered shyly. Not like they hadn't slept in the same bed before but now with both their feelings out in the open it felt even more embarrassing.

Haruna didn't need to be told that twice as he laid down next to Shiki and pulling him into his arms without any shame.

" I'd love to stay with you…forever"

" Harunacchi…stop saying nonsense-ssu" Shiki mumbled trying to ignore the fact that he was used like a big teddy bear and still wrapped into his blanket like some burrito.

" Can't help it when you are this cute," Haruna whispered, hugging the other tightly to his body.

Shiki wanted to argue some more but being this close to Haruna his brain seemed to be unable to think straight or form normal sentences.

If something like heaven exists then Shiki was sure he found it right here in Haruna's arms.
It was almost scary feeling that content, protected and at ease. Like there was nothing to worry about and all of his problems were so far away.
The effect Haruna had on Shiki…it was like a miracle.

Haruna gently stroked his back and Shiki couldn't help but to purr quietly.
It was downright comfortable like this and as Shiki slowly but surely drifted off to sleep he thought that he wouldn't mind feeling as happy as right now for the rest of his life…

~🚄~

The next morning they both decided to leave for Tokyo early but not without saying their goodbyes to Shiki's grandmother after she prepared them a huge breakfast and some lunch for the trip.

Shiki and Haruna both promised to visit again soon and after a few hours it was almost noon when they finally sat in the train back home.

Shiki had been kind of tired and grumpy since the morning but now he was peacefully sleeping, head resting on Haruna's shoulder and drooling on his shirt.

Haruna didn't mind it though as he held the other's hand all the time, smiling gently.
He really made it, he had succeeded in bringing Shiki back home.
Hayato would be overjoyed.
Yet there was still that other thing..

Haruna had been thinking a lot about tomorrow and what kind of date would be a good one even writing Rei a message to ask about stuff that Shiki enjoyed a lot.

After all, Haruna needed to make sure that Shiki slowly but surely started to trust him more, making him see that Haruna was dead serious and wouldn't throw their relationship away just like that because of what others might think.

Haruna would make Shiki see that it didn't matter at all as long as they loved each other and help him to finally forget about the past.

Of course it must have been hard for Shiki too.
Not being accepted by his parents and bullied by other people just because of who he fell in love with.
It was no wonder he had tried to hide his sexuality when they first met, hoping that he could change somehow.

Haruna and Hayato probably were the first people after his grandmother and sister who accepted Shiki for who he is.

Haruna would give it his all so Shiki's scars could finally heal and he might consider starting a relationship with Haruna for real.

No matter how long it would take…

Chapter Text

Why exactly was he doing this and was anything happening right now even real?

Shiki wasn't so sure about it although two days had already passed. It was still unbelievable.
Everything felt like a huge dream ever since returning to Tokyo.

Like was Shiki really here at the station? Was he actually going on a date?
A real one?
With none other than Wakazato Haruna?
And the most shocking thing of it all, did that said guy really confess to him two days ago and was now determined to win Shiki over for real?

Then again wasn't Shiki already head over heels and would have said "yes" in a heartbeat if it wasn't for his own insecurities?

Something like that happening to someone like Shiki sounded so ridiculous…he was convinced that if he closed his eyes for too long he might wake up and everything would have been just a dream.

Shiki wondered what it was that Haruna had planned for today.
The other had been sounding so mysterious yesterday on the phone that Shiki wasn't able to fathom what it could be that Haruna wanted to do.

He nervously stepped from one foot to the other chewing on his bottom lip.
It was stupid getting so worked up over a date.
After all Shiki had gone out with other people before…but…it's always been…fake.
It never was real or serious and that was the slight difference, making everything so nerve-wracking.

Shiki had been taking all the precautions possible, even waking up super early to make himself look good because he was sure that he might die if he ended up embarrassing himself today.

Because a guy like Haruna…Shiki couldn't imagine why Mister Picture Perfect would love someone like him.
Shiki needed to play it cool today or else Haruna might reconsider his decision.

Speaking of the other, hadn't they agreed to meet at twelve?
A court glance at his phone told Shiki that it was already 11:58 and no Haruna in sight.
If Haruna was going to run late, Shiki wouldn't forgive him for sure.

Shiki's eyes flickered around the station, there were a lot of different people but not the one he desired to see…

" Found you"

Shiki almost shrieked, jumping a bit at the sudden voice.

" Sorry did that scare you?"

Before Shiki could turn around, he was hugged from behind and snuggled like a big plush toy.

" Ah I missed you…" Haruna whispered delightedly.

Shiki felt his heart make an excited jolt and he turned to face Haruna.

" I almost thought Harunacchi wouldn't make it-ssu"

" But here I am. Right on time. Never would miss a date with you. You are looking really beautiful today too"

Shiki could have stayed in the embrace for all eternity, smiling to himself because obviously Haruna noticed his efforts to make himself look good but he was sure that people might start to stare at them if they hugged any longer and he took a few steps back.

" So where are we goin'?"

" Oh, you'll see" Haruna had that mysterious smile on his face which made Shiki wonder if this really was a good idea.

But then again it was Haruna so how bad could it possibly be?

A date with Haruna…Shiki probably had pinched himself a dozen times already not believing that it was true.

Shiki had decided to simply ignore the fact that Haruna had actually rented him out for today and rather enjoy what was about to happen because even if he had been angry about it at first this was different because there were feelings involved…because they loved each other.

They had to board a pretty cramped train and Haruna instinctively wrapped an arm around Shiki's waist to keep him close and protect him from getting squashed by other people.

It was such a gentlemanly thing to do, typical of Haruna and Shiki decided to just close his eyes and blend out the world around them, listening to Haruna's heart that was beating just as madly as his own.

Seemingly Haruna was nervous too and maybe Shiki hadn't been the only one to worry about today, laying in bed wide awake because his nerves got the best of him.
Only that small thought made Shiki smile for a bit.

When they arrived at their initial destination Shiki was too shocked to speak at first not knowing if Haruna was serious or if this was a joke.

" We are goin' there…?" Shiki asked, his voice sounding so quiet and stunned.

" Well I thought you'd like an amusement park since there's lots of stuff to do and it's a beautiful autumn day. I got us some tickets. Just gotta board the park's train to go there and…Shiki?"

Shiki looked at him with eyes as big as plates like he couldn't believe what was going on and he was frozen to his spot.

"Shiki?" Haruna asked again.

" That is…AMAZING-ssu!" Shiki screeched out all of a sudden, startling Haruna for a few seconds. " So hyper cool-ssu! I wanna go! I wanna go-ssu! Let's ride all the rollercoasters and visit the haunted house! So mega terrifying-ssu! Oh we should also try winning somethin' at the shooting booths and I wanna eat cotton candy, ice cream, churros and all the other stuffsies-ssu! Do you think they have a Kumacchi gift shop? Can we visit? Buy all the mega cool stuff-ssu!"

Shiki was babbling on and on all excitedly, his turquoise eyes literally sparkling as he spoke without taking in a breath of air.

It was so cute that Haruna couldn't help himself and he giggled amused.
That seemed to pull Shiki back into the here and now, cutting off his rambling all of a sudden.

" S-sorry-ssu. I was just…" Shiki mumbled awkwardly, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red.
How embarrassing and uncool of him to get so excited. Like some child.

" Sorry? What for?" Haruna asked, taking the other's small hands in his own. " I'm really happy that you like the idea and seeing you all excited…suuuuper adorable"

Shiki took in a sharp breath of air when Haruna bent forward to place a soft kiss on his forehead.

" H-Harunacchi…we are in public-ssu"

But the other only shrugged his shoulders.
" So what? Who cares about people when I'm here with you? I love you and it's okay for the world to know that. So let's go and enjoy ourselves, right?"

Words like those…Shiki didn't know how he should answer such honesty and he could only nod his head.
Haruna really was serious about his feelings, saying that he loves Shiki without any doubt in his voice.

Ever since that moment at the playground Shiki had wanted to say it.
Telling Haruna " I love you too" but he hadn't managed to get the words out just yet even if he tried, it wasn't that easy and Shiki only hoped that Haruna would wait just a bit longer until Shiki was ready to give his answer.

He was pulled along by Haruna's warm hand, tightly holding onto his own like Haruna didn't want to let go ever again.

If Shiki had to describe how he felt right now then he would say that it was like floating on fluffy clouds and a small smile was spreading over his lips.
There was no way that this day couldn't turn out to be perfect.

From riding all kinds of different roller coasters, to water rides, to the merry go round and bumper cars Haruna just joined Shiki on every attraction that he wanted to try, enjoying the other's happy smile, company and excited sparkling eyes more than the actual rides.

However Haruna's absolute favorite must have been the Haunted Mansion.
Not because he liked scary stuff, god forbid quite the opposite but having a frightened Shiki tightly clutching to him while wandering through the dark, well Haruna certainly wouldn't complain.

Without even noticing it, time flew by so fast that it was getting close to sunset and they both leisurely strolled through the park, hand in hand, Shiki munching on what must have been his third cotton candy of the day.

Seemingly Shiki liked sweet snacks just as much as he liked spicy dishes and it kinda was a weird combination but the more Haruna thought about it he started to realize that it kinda fitted Shiki's personality.

" Ooff I think I'm so max full now. I can't eat anymore-ssu"

" Figures. I've never seen anyone eating such a huge amount of cotton candy. You never gonna sleep with that much sugar" Haruna watched how Shiki threw the leftover stick into the next bin before joining his side again.

" Pfft are ya my mom or something? M-maybe I don't wanna sleep at all-ssu"

Because going to sleep would mean that the day would officially end and Shiki…didn't want it to…not yet anyways.

Saying their goodbyes would also mean that Shiki needed to let go of Haruna's hand and he didn't want that either.
Even if it was just a simple gesture it gave Shiki all the reassurance he needed.

" Alright, alright…whatever you say" Haruna giggled, handing the small gray cat plushie he won earlier back to Shiki.

" Harunacchi is amazing-ssu. I've never won anything at those shooting booths like ever-ssu. I'm going to treasure Neko-chan just as much as Kumacchi-ssu" Shiki mumbled, cuddling the cat close to his chest.

" Oh I think I'm just lucky when it comes to stuff like that. Speaking of Kumacchi, how about a gift shop next?"

Shiki lightly nodded his head and together they entered the next shop that crossed their path.

There were a lot of things to see. Plush dolls, keychains, mugs, hair bands, everything you would expect to find in a shop like this.

Shiki of course started to zoom around excitedly looking at all the cool things to buy and Haruna watched him with a smile before his attention drifted off to something else.

Keychains with small, fluffy dogs as pendants that reminded Haruna awfully of Shiki.
Maybe he should buy one and gift it to the other or keep it himself so he has something to remind him of Shiki.

" Ne, ne Harunacchi" Shiki tapped the other's shoulder from behind. " What do ya think? Does it suit me?"

Haruna turned around at first confused what Shiki was talking about until his eyes caught sight of the soft, furry, puppy ears on the other's head and he took in a very audible gasp of air.

It felt like he'd got struck by an arrow right through the heart and Haruna had to turn away, holding his chest, biting his own lips and trying to control his frantic heartbeat, as his cheeks flushed a dark red.

" Harunacchi?"

The sight was way too adorable to look at and too much for Haruna's poor heart to take.
He might as well die now being confronted with something so irresistibly cute.
How should he handle this with decency?

" I-it…s-suits…you..perfectly"

Damnit Haruna was feeling like he'd develop another weird fetish.

" Is that so? Might as well keep them then-ssu"

Haruna tried to remember how to breathe correctly and not behave like an idiot…except he was exactly that…a lovestruck idiot and the headband with puppy ears sitting on Shiki's black hair…well that didn't help easing his idiotness at all.

" Let's buy it then, alright?" Haruna whispered. " You know I wanted to visit the ferris wheel before the sun vanishes."

"Going there during sunset is very cliche-ssu" Shiki said in that cheeky voice of his.

" You don't want to?"

" N-no…I'd…love to-ssu" Shiki mumbled and Haruna didn't fail to notice that faint blush on his cheeks.

Haruna was glad that he did listen to Rei's advice after all.

" Although Shiki likes to deny it, he absolutely loves doing the typical romantic stuff like taking long walks through parks, sharing ice cream, and looking at the stars. Stuff like that." Is what Rei had written.

Going on the ferris wheel during sunset together also seemed to be one of those things.

" But let me get something for Hayatocchi first or else he'll never forgive me-ssu"

" Welp you did worry him a big deal…again"

Shiki flinched at that. It was the truth though. Hayato had almost crashed in the front door of the flat as soon as he heard that Shiki had returned and he'd been crying buckets, hugging Shiki so tightly that Shiki was unable to breath.

He still felt bad for worrying his best friend so much. Hayato must have believed that Shiki just left him behind but he would never do that.
Hayato was important to Shiki too and so was the band and Shiki would never give that up easily.

" But Hayato wasn't the only one worrying…"

" I'm sorry-ssu" Shiki whispered looking all pitifully at Haruna.

Honestly, who could stay mad when Shiki looked like that, especially with those puppy ears on his head.

Haruna just was a weak man when it came to all things cute.
How was he supposed to restrain himself when Shiki acted well…like Shiki.

" H-Harunacchi…t-there's.. people-ssu" Shiki mumbled when the other drew in closer wrapping him in a tight hug.

" And I told you before so what? I love you and I don't care what others think about that."

Shiki was sure that Haruna had definitely lost his mind.
Doing something like that…not caring what might happen.
Why was it that Haruna didn't seem to be concerned at all?

Shiki hated that he was the only one who couldn't move on, who was still insecure.

Although when Haruna carefully pushed their lips together Shiki's heart definitely knew what it wanted so why couldn't his mind cooperate?
How long would he be stuck in this endless loop? Could he ever break out of it?
Shiki had no answers…

~🎡~

" Woah, it's super mega amazing. Looksie how small everyonesie is-ssu!"

Haruna had to chuckle at that.
It was so adorable how excited Shiki could get from something as simple as riding on a ferris wheel, looking outside the window with his nose pressed against the cold glass.

" I'm glad you like it" Haruna said.

" Thanksie for taking me with you-ssu" Shiki answered focusing his attention back towards the other.

What a beautiful day it had been.
Shiki couldn't remember ever feeling that joyful and excited and it was all thanks to Haruna.

All the good stuff they ate and the different attractions.
Shiki wouldn't forget any of it.
The stuffed cat toy that Haruna won for him and the small bag of gifts they bought were sitting idylle across them, memories of a perfect date.

" Don't thank me I love spending time with you after all"

Shiki decided to slide closer, restings his head against Haruna's shoulder with a content sight.

The action alone caught Haruna by surprise and he flinched but then wrapped an arm around the other's waist.

Haruna really hadn't expected for Shiki to suddenly go all cuddly on him.
Not that he minded though, if anything it was a nice feeling but having Shiki that close, still wearing those puppy ears on his head, yes he actually bought them and did not take them off ever since, it was dangerous.

Like Haruna had to resist the urge to just hold Shiki closer, kiss him and tell him over and over how much he loved him because he was afraid that he might overdo it and scare the other instead.

In all honesty Lovesick Idiot was most likely the best term to describe Haruna's constitution at the moment.

If only Shiki would tell him that he wanted to be his boyfriend for real.
Haruna would be in heaven but what if in the end Shiki refused him after all?

Haruna wanted to be with him and he had no idea what he would do if he couldn't be with Shiki anymore.
He gotta make this work somehow…
Such strong feelings not even Haruna was used to them yet.

" Hmm...next time…I think I wanna go somewhere even more exciting-ssu" Shiki mumbled to himself.

" Next time, huh? Does that mean I passed the test?" Haruna asked with an amused grin.

" Dummy Harunacchi this is not university-ssu"

" Luckily it isn't. This semester is still quiet as of now but I'm sure it'll get hectic pretty soon but it won't be long" Haruna released a long and deep breath. "Next year around this time I'll already teach little kids for real. Seems so surreal."

That's right Haruna's dream was to be an english teacher someday and Shiki thought that this was something really wonderful but what if Shiki ruined that dream for him?

What would people say once they were a couple?
How could Haruna be so calm about this?

Shiki's brain still couldn't wrap itself around the fact that someone like Haruna would actually be in love with him and his heart surely skipped a beat when the other pulled him closer.

It was like that time when they first went to Karaoke together.
Back then Haruna was holding him like this too and it must have been the moment that Shiki slowly started to fall in love besides his best efforts not to.

Secretly Shiki had always been grateful for that secretary at the agency who messed everything up because if they hadn't then Shiki might have never met Haruna.

" Let's see…how about next time we visited an aquarium or something?" Haruna mused, already seeming to plan out their next date.

" Only if Harunacchi asks me out properly this time-ssu" Shiki huffed with a pout on his face.
Although Shiki had decided not to be angry about the fact that this was actually a rental date he still couldn't help but to tease Haruna a bit.

It surprised him when Haruna actually let go to face him and take Shiki's hands in his own with a rather serious expression on his face.

" Yeah I should do that right." Haruna really seemed to think about his next words carefully. " I'm really sorry but I think I can't rent you out anymore. Because I truly want Shiki to become my real boyfriend. No more agency or money involved. So Shiki…uhm…well…I was wondering if you…you would like to…you know…go out with me and stuff?"

Shiki couldn't believe it.
Did Haruna really just say that?
It was more than Shiki could have hoped or wished for.
Truly beautiful and perfect and his cheeks turned a deep shade of red.

Shiki willed himself not to cry out of sheer happiness and he looked at Haruna whose green eyes were shimmering in the light of the setting sun, waiting for Shiki's answer with that pleading and yet nervous look on his face.

The ferris wheel was moving again and Shiki knew that they would be back down on the ground soon but right now they still were the only people in this gondola.

Honestly Shiki was the one wearing the puppy ears here but he still leaned up, his arms wrapping around Haruna's neck.

" Good boy-ssu" Shiki whispered out, close to Haruna's lips. " Also yes...I'd love to-ssu."

Shiki overcame that last few inches still separating their lips, deciding for himself that for the next few minutes there were no more words needed and Haruna complied with his wish eagerly.

Kissing Haruna must have been the best feeling in the world because Shiki couldn't imagine anything better and he didn't mind when he got pulled in even closer and they deepened the kiss further.

As long as they were up here Shiki didn't want to think and only enjoy this fleeting moment…however long it would take

~🌊~

Much to both their dismay every day had to end sooner or later and it was time to leave the park and go home but not without getting some more ice cream and taking cute photos at the booth to take with them.

Haruna, like the gentleman he was, had insisted on bringing Shiki home although the other had told him there was no need to.

It had already gotten dark, but it was a clear night with lots of stars to see.
They were walking on a small path with a slope on the right side. Down there an equally small stream was flowing along.

Shiki was humming happily, looking at the small Purikura sheet with the set of pictures they've taken. Another lovely memory.

Haruna was still holding his hand tightly as they walked side by side, the shopping bag with the gifts and Shiki's new cat plush inside in his other hand.

" You like them?" Haruna asked with a small smile, reffering to the photos in Shiki's hand.

" Uh-hu, they are mega adorbsie-ssu. I'll treasure them forever. It's a nice memory of a perfect day-ssu"

Haruna could swear that he saw the stars reflecting in those beautiful turquoise eyes.
If such simple things as taking Purikura could make Shiki this happy then Haruna wouldn't mind doing it over and over.

A perfect day, huh?
Haruna had to agree to that though back in the ferris wheel he had wished for the ride to never end.
He would have stayed up there all eternity long if that meant he could have kissed Shiki over and over.

Speaking of that…
" Nee Shiki…" Haruna stopped in his tracks which automatically made the other stop too.

Like one more couldn't hurt right?
Shiki's eyes instinctively fluttered closed when Haruna drew in closer into his space.

They were so close to kissing but the weather decided that it wasn't the right time now as a strong gust of wind hit them, blowing the Purikura sheet right out of Shiki's hand and whirling it into the small stream underneath them.

" Nosies the photos-ssu" Shiki almost shrieked but Haruna acted without hesitating, letting the shopping bag drop to the ground.

" I'll get them back!"

Shiki watched in horror how Haruna slid down the slope and right into the ice cold knee deep water, wading through it to try and reach the sheet before it drifted too far away.

Haruna was able to retrieve it just in time, smiling triumphantly but of course he hadn't counted in the fact that Shiki was still there and just like him Shiki was predestined to do something inherently stupid.

" HARUNACCHI!"

Haruna had only enough time to whirl around and see Shiki running down the slope unable to stop in his tracks and screeching as he stumbled into the water crashing right into Haruna with full force.

They both ended up falling with a scream, splashing water everywhere and it took them a few seconds to recover from that.

Shiki was the first one to react, having landed right on top of Haruna and now lifting himself up into a sitting position with a yelp, his glasses pushed up on his head but luckily not broken.

" Harunacchi!!" Shiki all but screeched in that high-pitched voice of his.

Haruna's world had been spinning for the first few seconds but now he was able to lift himself up with a painful groan. He'd somehow magically still managed to hold onto the photos.

" Ow, ow, ow, ow…"

" I'm sorry-ssu! Are you hurt somewhere? I didn't mean to but what if Harunacchi had drowned? Don't do that ever again-ssu. I'm so sorry-ssu!" Shiki spluttered out hectically.

" Shiki you dummy how would I be able to drown in knee deep water" Besides the fact that his back and head hurt like he'd been run over by a truck Haruna still had to chuckle. " But hey I got the photos back"

Haruna handed the small sheet over to Shiki with a smile.

" Still you shouldn't have done that-ssu. What if you got seriously hurt?" Shiki's voice sounded truly worried but then there was a hand on his cheek and lips on his own and his whole body instantly relaxed and his eyes fell close.

Shiki was freezing and they both were drenched from head to toe but Haruna's lips were soft and warm, making Shiki's body buzz with electricity.

" You really are too cute," Haruna said once they separated, fixing Shiki's glasses by putting them back onto his nose and readjusting the puppy ears on his head.

Shiki wanted to reply but when another cold wind hit them, he had to shiver and sneeze.
The cutest one Haruna had ever heard.

" We better get out of here and home before you catch a cold."

" Juncchi's goin' to kill me if I can't come to band practice-ssu"

" Won't let him do that, '' Haruna whispered gently pushing their foreheads together and they both giggled.

" Harunacchi should come to our practice one day-ssu. I'm sure you'd like it-ssu"

" If it's for you I might consider it. I love you Shiki"

"S-Stop b-being embarrassing-ssu" Shiki whispered, hiding his bright red face behind his hands.

Haruna had to laugh at that.
After everything that happened today, right now was the time that Shiki decided to be shy?

" Harunacchi you idiot" Shiki grumbled but in his mind he started to think that having a relationship with this guy might not be so bad at all…

~🌡~

" Honestly I can't believe you" Jun sighed annoyed as he looked at the thermometer in his hand, the small display reading "38°C" and then back at Shiki. " Why would you go out and play in the water at night in october? How idiotic can you be? Of course you'll catch a cold."

" We didn't play-ssu. It was an accident-ssu" Shiki coaxed out his voice sounding awfully hoarse.

Jun let out another annoyed sight replacing the wet towel on Shiki's forehead with a new, cooler one.
" I guess that means band practice is canceled for some time."

" I'm sorry Juncchi-ssu" Shiki sniffled, grabbing a tissue from his nightstand to dramatically blow his nose.

" Well nothing you can do. I bought some things from the store. Let's nurse you back to health first…both of you."

Shiki almost let an appreciative purr escape from his lips when two arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a warm chest.

Seems like Haruna had woken up from his nap but he still looked miserable. Coughing and sniffling before burying his nose in Shiki's hair.

" I feel like the worst" Haruna whispered out his voice just as raspy as Shiki's.

" That's because you are sick" Jun concluded matter of factly. " You both managed to catch a cold simultaneously like the idiots you are."

" Well at least that means we can spent more time together and cuddle"

Jun rolled his eyes at Haruna's statement but Shiki just snuggled closer with a small nod, ready to go and nap for some more safely protected in Haruna's strong arms.

Boyfriends, huh? Somehow lately Shiki really liked the sound of it…

Chapter Text

Days were passing by them one after the other and life became pretty uneventful, just normal, nothing out of the ordinary happening and honestly Haruna liked it that way.

The streets at this time of the year were always bustling with people, colorful lights on every window and the sweetest smells in the air.

Haruna couldn't believe that Christmas was right around the corner and a new year would start soon. Where did time go? Has it really been over half a year that he met Shiki?

In those weeks people wished for a lot of stuff but for Haruna there was only one thing he truly wanted…

About two months and four official dates later and still no answer from Shiki…

Even if it was frustrating from time to time Haruna promised that he would wait and he would keep waiting for as long as it might take, not wanting to pressure Shiki into something he wasn't 100 percent sure about…

Even so, Haruna felt like they already made some small progress although Shiki wasn't quite there yet.

At least Shiki wasn't afraid of holding his hand in public anymore and he'd also gotten bolder over time like stealing little kisses from Haruna when no one was watching. A small gesture that always made Haruna's heart skip a few beats.

He smiled happily when someone tapped his shoulder from behind and turned around just to have Shiki falling right into his arms.

Haruna of course hugged back, he always did, taking in a deep breath of air.
Maybe it was just him but lately Shiki smelled especially sweet.
Could it be that he was using a new shampoo or something?

" What's up with you today?" Haruna asked with a giggle as he noticed how Shiki snuggled closer into the embrace.

Shiki looked up at him with the cutest pout.
" I'm just mega happy to see you-ssu. Is that so wrongsie?"

" Not at all. I'm also happy"

Today wasn't an official date but more like them meeting up to go shopping because Shiki insisted on buying new clothes before the end of this year because how should he start a new one without having something fresh to wear?

Although it has been a quiet time things still have changed in the past two months. For example Haruna had followed Shiki's invitation to visit the band practice once.

In the end it hadn't stayed at one time though and now Haruna was there occasionally, playing drums and just enjoying being able to spend more time with Shiki.

He wasn't an official member yet even if Jun would probably let him join in a heartbeat but it was up to Haruna to decide that.

Not that it wasn't fun, Haruna enjoyed being able to play drums, learn more and more about music every time and the biggest pro: hearing Shiki sing quite often but how would he be able to do it all together with his studies?
This was his last semester after all and Haruna was set on not failing this time and getting his degree.

Today though Haruna didn't want to worry about that and enjoy the time he had together with Shiki. Once his final exams would draw near they wouldn't be able to meet quite as often. " So what's your plan for today?"

" Ah I already know just the shops I want to visit-ssu" Shiki's eyes were sparkling as he said that. " But first I'm like mega thirsty-ssu. Can we get somethin' to drink-ssu?"

Haruna smiled dorkily at the way Shiki seemed so excited but as soon as he mentioned wanting something to drink Shiki's voice got all whiney.

Others might have considered those irregular mood swings as annoying but Haruna didn't think that at all.
It was just part of Shiki's personality and Haruna loved every bit about him.

" Mhh I saw a vending machine right around the corner when I got here. Just wait, I'll get you something."

Shiki opened his mouth to argue but before he could get a word out Haruna had already turned on his heels and walked away.

Truth be told, sometimes it felt like it was too much. Everything that Shiki wanted, Haruna would make sure to get it for him.

Shiki was sure he didn't deserve to be spoiled by the other this much.
Haruna being so caring and considerate when all Shiki did was make him wait for an answer.

It's been two months, yes he knew, but yet Shiki couldn't come to terms with his own feelings.
Sure, he loved Haruna and one part of him really wanted to tell the other that and be in a relationship with him but there was still this other part too…

Shiki tried hard to ignore this little voice inside of him that stopped him from doing what his heart desired but it would always resurface in those quiet moments whispering right into his ear.

" Here you go"

A can of cocoa was dangled in front of his face and Haruna smiled down at him.
Shiki had been so distracted he didn't notice the other coming back at all.

Taking the can out of Haruna's hand, Shiki noticed that it was pleasantly warm, the feeling spreading through his cold fingertips.

" Uhm…I wasn't really sure but I thought you might like cocoa. I hope it's alright?"

Being honest, Shiki might have prefered a hot tea instead but there was no way he was going to tell Haruna that when the other looked at him with those expectant green eyes going to such great lengths for him and so he nodded instead.
" It's perfect, thanksies-ssu."

Shiki carefully leaned against Haruna, soughing out the pleasant warmth that was so much needed in this cold weather and Haruna of course was happy to provide, wrapping an arm around the other's waist.

There might be people staring at them already but Shiki tried to block the world around them out for now.
This time of the year was supposed to be for lovers after all and he wanted to enjoy it even if what they had was…well what actually was their current relationship?

Shiki wasn't so sure anymore but when he was reassured by Haruna's warmth like that all of those thoughts seemed to drift away…

" Not to ruin the mood or anything." Haruna's voice registered in his ears. " But what's the first shop? I'm just curious."

Shiki giggled, leaning back to be able to look at the other and he answered with a cheeky grin. " Oh you'll see-ssu. It's around here but it's a secret-ssu."

God, Haruna resisted the urge to go ahead and cuddle Shiki like he was some small puppy.
Honestly, he couldn't remember ever being so madly in love.
Shiki really had him under some kind of weird spell and when small fingers wrapped around his own Haruna was positively sure that he never wanted to break free from this magic ever again…

Maybe this was also the reason why Haruna didn't seem annoyed at all, willingly trotting behind Shiki through the store, while the other searched out clothes to try on, babbling on about how cool this and that looked.

Haruna enjoyed every second they spent together not minding that Shiki handed all those clothes over to him because Haruna had larger arms after all meaning he could carry more stuff.

Shiki seemed to be entirely in his element here looking so excited and happy and when Shiki was happy then Haruna was too. Simple as that.
If only they could be real boyfriends…

Shiki seemed to be having a lot of fun trying on all kinds of different clothes, twirling around in front of the big mirror and asking Haruna about his opinion before vanishing behind the curtain of the fitting room again.

" So, so how does this look?" Shiki asked as he presented the next piece of clothing.
Another one of approximately ten pullovers.

" Uhm…well it suits you…"

Shiki pouted like he wasn't really satisfied with the answer. " Harunacchi, you've been saying that about everything-ssu. Worst shopping assistant ever-ssu"

Fashion really had never been Haruna's cup of tea. He just bought what he thought looked good and was actually bad at matching up clothes or figuring out what might suit other people.

" Well you just look good in everything" Haruna graciously tried to save the situation.

" What awful excuse is that" Shiki mumbled but he still blushed the nicest shade of pink, suddenly feeling very self-concious.

Haruna had always found it to be quite adorable how easily embarrased Shiki could get when reciving a simple compliment.
Wasn't it fascinating how Haruna seemed to find more and more loveable Shiki-things day by day being pretty sure he could fill a whole notebook with them.

Shiki moved his eyes left and right, making sure the air was clean before he took the few steps separating them forward, leaning up and ever so lightly pushing their lips together in a soft and short kiss.

It took Haruna by surprise and all he could do was to stare at the other, his own cheeks now turning a good shade of red once they separated.
Wasn't it ridiculous how such a small action made his heart flutter madly?

When Shiki looked at him with those round, turquoise eyes, how was Haruna supposed to stop himself from wanting more?

He couldn't resist engulfing Shiki in a tight hug although the other protested with a small huff.

" Harunacchi…w-what…t-to tight" Shiki tried to push himself away but Haruna wouldn't let him.

Instead he was putting on his best puppy eyes. " I wanna kiss again" Haruna whined dramatically. " Is it bad?"

Shiki couldn't actually believe it and he tried his best to pout and withstand Haruna's pleading gaze but it was almost impossible.

He tried to think. The staff's been busy and probably will be for a while and there weren't a lot of customers yet but if anyone saw them…unless…

Haruna thought that Shiki might refuse when the other made a few cautious steps back but he was surprised when his hand was grabbed and he was pulled along behind the curtains of the fitting room.

Shiki was looking at him, his whole face red, an embarrassed glint in those turquoise eyes.
" O-Okay here's finesy-ssu…"

Unbelievable, this guy…all of a sudden Haruna wasn't sure if this was happening or if he was daydreaming.

In the end did it matter though?
Real or not Haruna would take the offer and not miss his chance.

They've been kissing a lot of times already but Shiki still acted all awkward and shy, once their lips touched.
His small, trembling hands clutching tightly into Haruna's shirt as he tried to keep up with what was happening.

Haruna felt like he could melt away at any given second noticing how the other acted so adorably.
Truly Shiki was a clumsy kisser but it was just another thing for Haruna to add to his endless pile of "Cute-Shiki-things" and he wished they could do this forever.

Haruna also couldn't care less that they were literally making out in the goddamn fitting room of some random store like they were some stupid hormon-driven teenagers.

It didn't matter, not when they were together like this, all the kisses they shared only making Haruna's head spin and his heart race like it would jump right out of his chest any moment now.

Such intense feelings were something so new for Haruna as he never before had thought that it was possible to love someone this much but Shiki was special. He's always been and if he decided to become Haruna's boyfriend for real…well that would be too good to be true…

" Ha..runa…cchi…" Shiki tried to speak up between kisses but Haruna wouldn't let him.
He didn't want, no, didn't need words right now.
Haruna was sure he was holding Shiki too close, too tightly, it might even hurt the other but how could he stop himself when Shiki was intoxicating all of his senses turning him into a lovesick maniac, a side of himself Haruna still had to get used to yet.

If it wasn't for the sudden voices indicating that other people had come to the fitting room area Haruna might have continued this for hours straight because truth be told he would never get enough of Shiki.

Shiki tried his best to pout at Haruna as soon as he could finally catch his breath again.
Maybe Haruna had overdone it this time but Shiki with his whole face beet red, eyes trying to look angry but failing and rosy lips…
Well Haruna couldn't deny that it was a sight to behold making him want to continue even though there were other people but for both their sakes he didn't.

Shiki opened his mouth and Haruna prepared to get scolded but it wasn't anything like that.

" Geez Harunacchi you idiot-ssu. At least let me pay for the stuff I wanna get-ssu. We can…still go…to your place afterwards-ssu…"

Haruna felt entirely baffled by what he was hearing and Shiki almost couldn't believe his own words.
Did he really say that?
It must sound like he was super desperate. Why did he suggest something like that? Such an offer kinda sounded like…
Did his granny never teach him anything about being careful with stuff like that?

But maybe it was because he trusted Haruna, knowing all too well that the other would never do anything Shiki didn't want or take advantage of him like that. Haruna wasn't that type of guy.

Haruna seemed to think about it long and hard. An offer like that surely sounded inviting but he didn't want for Shiki to get a wrong impression because Haruna wanted the other to know that he was serious about this and not just fooling around.

Haruna smiled warmly, placing another soft kiss on Shiki's forehead.
" Didn't you want to go and eat spicy ramen after this? You were looking forward to it so much, right? So let's do it. I'll wait for you outside."

With that said Haruna left the fitting room making sure the air was clean before he did so.
To their luck all the store employees had been pretty busy so no one noticed a thing.
Not even Haruna soiling the floor of the fitting room with his shoes but Shiki didn't even gave him enough time to remove those.

Haruna blushed a good shade of red as the full realization of what just happened sank into him.
God, how desperate could he be but then Shiki...he also had…
Maybe it would be best for Haruna to wait outside and calm down the frantic beating of his heart.

Now there were more people inside the store and Haruna listened to their conversations as he made his way towards the exit.

" That dress looks so cute!"

" But quite expensive. Can't forget I need to buy a christmas present for my boyfriend too."

Those few words made Haruna halt in his steps as suddenly he was hit with another entirely new realization.
Christmas was just around the corner and…well technically they weren't a couple but…shouldn't he buy something for Shiki too?
Why had he never thought about that before? How could he forget something this important?
A present for Shiki…why was Haruna suddenly feeling so nervous about it like inside he was screaming with panic.
What would be a good thing to buy?
If it was for Shiki it needed to be something special…

" Harunacchi?" Shiki's voice registered in his head.

Haruna tried to calm down, after all there was still time to go and buy something. Maybe it was a good idea to ask Hayato for help.
Haruna was sure that his best friend would want to buy something for Takeru too so they could help each other out.

Haruna slowly turned around mustering up a small smile.

" Finished already?"

" Yep-ssu!" Shiki giggled, presenting his huge shopping bag with a triumphant grin.

" Looks heavy. Let me take care of that" Haruna didn't hesitate to take the bag full of clothes into his own hands.

" Mou…" Shiki couldn't do anything against it but pout with a small red blush on his cheeks.

Sometimes Haruna was really going overboard with the "Gentleman" but Shiki knew that he didn't mean anything bad by it because in the end it was only Haruna's way of showing affection. Affection Shiki didn't deserve…

Shiki knew that he should return the favor and yet he was still so torn apart.
What would be the right thing to do? Would he ever be able to give an answer to Haruna?
How long would the other wait before realizing that Shiki was a lost cause…

It wasn't like Haruna couldn't get any other person he wanted.
Shiki was pretty sure every girl on this planet would be glad to be with Wakazato Haruna but yet Haruna only had eyes for Shiki, turning down everyone who tried to get close.
Shiki was sure that Haruna completley had lost his mind like why would he want to be with Shiki when there were so many other persons who would be a better fit?

Shiki remembered that time when they visited a small bakery and Haruna was approached by those very cute looking girls but he politely refused their offer to hang out because he was already on a date with Shiki.

It was beyond Shiki how Haruna so willingly could turn down anyone just because of him, like nothing about Shiki was special and Haruna might be better off with some cute girl but here they were.

That guy had actually fallen in love with Shiki of all people.
It still sounded like some sort of fairytale to believe that Haruna would choose him over all other humans on this planet when Shiki couldn't even be straightforward with his own feelings…

Well at least he could try and return all the kindness he receives and if it was only a little bit.
" Harunacchi, let's go and get some donuts as a snack before going to the next store. I'm actually starving-ssu"

" Honestly I'd love to do that" Haruna smiled when he felt Shiki's small hand wrapping around his own, squeezing it lightly.

Yes, there was no answer from Shiki yet but to Haruna it felt like they were already moving into the right direction even if it was a slow process.
Haruna would keep trying and trying, one step at a time until Shiki was ready to give him his answer wholeheartedly…

~🎁~

Hayato had seen a lot of things in his life including Haruna being in total distress, but right now it seemed to be even worse than it had been back then at the university entrance exams.

There weren't a lot of things that made Haruna go into panic mode but Shiki seemed to have that power over his best friend, much to Hayato's dismay.

" Come on Haruna, it's not that bad."

" No, no, no, no you don't understand Hayato. It is D-I-S-A-S-T-R-O-U-S. Don't make me spell it out again" Haruna answered dead serious, putting his hands on the other's shoulders.

" There's still time," Hayato sighed. " I'm sure you will find a present"

" You still don't get it. It's not just a present. It can't just be any present. It needs to be perfect and special. It can't be just anything. I've been trying FOR A WEEK BUT THERE'S NOTHING OR ALL TOO MUCH!" Haruna practically whined out the last part of the sentence, starting to shake Hayato back and forth.

How could it be that finding the perfect present for your crush was such a difficult task? Everytime Haruna thought he found the one thing he started second guessing, deciding in the end that it wasn't good enough.

Sure he could have just gotten something Kumacchi related but it was too obvious. For Shiki it needed to be more special.
Only seven more days until Christmas and if Haruna didn't manage to find something perfect then…oh god…what if Shiki would never become his boyfriend? What if he totally blew this up?

How was he supposed to not totally freak out? This was a big, serious crisis!

" O-okay g-g-got it! Got it! I-I'll help. I'll help! But please s-stop shaking me" Hayato wailed feeling like he would get nauseous if Haruna kept that crazy behavior up.

It wasn't the first time that Hayato experienced Haruna being in love but somehow this was different than all the other times before.

Hayato had always believed that Haruna was a lucky guy having someone as awesome as Shiki being in love with him but maybe it was the other way around.
Having a person being as devoted to you as Haruna was to Shiki…it must be nice…

He released a long and deep breath trying to will the picture of a certain blue haired guy, appearing in his head, away.
Why was it that Takeru was surfacing in his mind more often than he liked these days?

" Thank you Hayato," Haruna interrupted his train of thoughts. " I'm sure together we'll find the perfect present for Shiki"

Jun had just quietly listened in on the conversation, shaking his head at their crazy antics. Like why did they always have to make such a drama right before practice?
" Speaking about Shiki. He's late again."

" Didn't he have to work before practice? I guess the date's just taking a bit longer. This shortly before Christmas a lot of people might feel lonely so I assume getting requests is more frequent" Hayato mused, letting his head fall to one side. " Lucky him, meeting all of those cute girls."

Haruna swallowed down the annoyed huff wanting to escape his throat.
Really he knew that none of it was real, just pretended with that nothing ever actually happen and Shiki didn't like girls in that way but it still made him feel jealous.

It was irrational of him to feel this way when it was just a job but Haruna couldn't help himself wishing that Shiki would give the profession up.

Of course there was no way that Haruna could ever ask that of Shiki. The other needed a job after all and it wasn't for Haruna to decide what Shiki wanted to do.

Suddenly the door to the rehearsal room swung open too forcefully, revealing a distraught Shiki who looked like he just ran a whole marathon.

" I'm sorry! I'm so sorry-ssu! It took longer than expected-ssu! I'm sorry-ssu! Please don't kill me-ssu!" Shiki blurted out, stumbling into the room. " I'll get to singing right away-ssu!"

" Not like that. Sit down first and get yourself together" Jun said in that stoic voice of his. " there's no need to get all hectic."

" I'll get you some water" Haruna offered like the gentleman he's always been, leaving the room but not without pressing a short kiss to Shiki's cheek on the way out.

Not that Shiki minded it much since the other's already knew about their special kind of relationship so all he did was to blush a little bit while taking a seat next to Hayato.

His best friend seemed to be staring into nothing but then he whispered with a sigh: " Must be nice…I mean having a boyfriend who's caring so much about you."

" Well to be honest, sometimes it can be a bit too much-ssu. Harunacchi is way too nice.. when he isn't even my boyfriend-ssu."

" You still didn't give an answer?"

Shiki was shaking his head at Hayato's question but he dared not to look at his friend, very well aware of the fact that Hayato was judging him with his eyes only.

It wasn't like Shiki knew already.
A decision, an answer to give to Haruna was long overdue but Shiki couldn't bring himself to do it so easily.

Whatever kind of relationship they had now it was convenient, with no pressure or anything but as soon as Shiki would answer Haruna's question all of it would change.
Moving out of the comfort zone that Shiki created in these past two months…it was a scary thing to do.
What if something went wrong again?

" Sorry to interrupt and as much as I'm interested in Shiki's love life…which I am absolutely not…there's more important things to discuss. The year will come to an end soon which also means the band competition is drawing near" Jun tried to sound not too annoyed.

Shiki wasn't really mad about the change of topic though. " The band whatsie?"

" Competition. Takes place every year on December 31st. All kinds of bands get to perform" Hayato explained. " It's kinda like a big new year's concert and at the end, the crowd votes for the best band. You can win lots of money and if you are super lucky you might get noticed by an agency."

" Playing there…would be a…huge chance…but we never performed before…" Natsuki admitted.

" Well because we didn't have Shiki up until now but this year is different."

" Still it's not enough". Jun interrupted Hayato's enthusiasm. " True, we have improved ever since Shiki joined but still our sound is lacking that special something…"

" Like..the…drums…you mean?" Natsuki asked, letting his head fall to one side.

" I hate to admit it but Jun is right. Everytime Haruna was with us at practice the whole music was something else like a entirely different level" Hayato mumbled with a sigh.

Jun nodded his head: " And besides him being just as idiotic as Shiki, Haruna seems to have a special talent for the drums. I mean look how much he learned in just two months without even being present all the time."

Shiki tried his best not to be offended by what he just heard. " What ya mean as idiotic as Shiki? Juncchi, so mean-ssu!"

" But Haruna…hasn't joined…the band…officially" Natsuki interjected.

Hayato released another deep sigh: " We can't ask that of him. So should we apply with the four members we have now?"

" We wouldn't stand a chance. Not like that" Jun was sounding very serious as he tried to think about their possibilities.

" Aaaaa that's badsie-ssu! It would be mega hyper cool to perform-ssu. Even if we wouldn't win singing in front of so many people...hyper amazing-ssu! But truesie we probably wouldn't be good enough like that-ssu" Shiki whined.

" Then I'll just do it"

Never in his life had Shiki whipped around his head this fast, it was a wonder he didn't experience whiplash.

Haruna was standing there all casually in the doorframe, a bottle of water in his hand.

Shiki looked at him entirely shocked but he wasn't the only one as Jun and Hayato both literally jumped up from their chairs and chanted in unison: " YOU WHAT?"

" Well if I become an official member then it won't be a problem to join the competition, right? So I'll do it" Haruna explained again calmly.

" But Harunacchi…" now it was Shiki's turn to move out of his chair. " I know you are busy-ssu. You really don't have to do it-ssu."

Haruna released a small chuckle moving closer towards the other

" Don't worry. I'll manage" he pressed the bottle of water into Shiki's hands." You know the first time I saw you singing on the stage it really was magical. Only seeing you from the crowd…you were sparkling so much. I wondered what it must feel like from up there being so close? I'm sure it's all kinds of amazing."

Hayato tried hard not to click his tongue but he surely rolled his eyes at the comment.
A lovesick Haruna was annoyingly sentimental, such an awful flatterer but Shiki was entirely into it judging by the fact that his cheeks instantly turned red.

God how Hayato wished those two would finally stop beating around the bush and give him some peace of mind.

He really hoped him and Takeru would never end up like that…

Hayato quickly shook his head. What was he thinking again? It wasn't anything like that…

" You're really gonna do it?" Jun asked again, still disbelieving.

" I already said I would. Just prepare the appliance form or whatever weird entrance ceremony there is for next time and I'll do it" Haruna sounded serious, not joking at all.

" You're not gonna stay?" Shiki asked, almost disappointed.

" Sadly I still have part-time work to do but I'll see you soon" Haruna answered, grabbing his bag and smiling at the other.
" You just give your best and we're gonna crush it at the competition."

" Harunacchi…thanksie really-ssu" Shiki whispered. " You are the best-ssu"

" You don't need to thank me…I love you after all"

It was almost unfair how easily Haruna was able to say that, in front of everyone else.
Shiki wanted to say it back, he wanted so badly but no matter how much he tried, the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. It was like a blockage, like a curse, dooming him to never say it.

" Dummy, I know that-ssu"

Shiki hated the fact that he could clearly see the crushed expression in Haruna's green eyes although the other was still smiling.
He couldn't understand how Haruna was still so patient when all that Shiki did was leave him hanging in the air.
How much longer before Haruna would finally give up and get tired of this?

Shiki feared the day, despising himself for not being able to give a proper answer and he couldn't stand to watch Haruna's sad smile before the other pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, saying his goodbyes to the other three too.

Shiki couldn't bring himself to look up, waiting for Haruna to leave through the door before he released a long sight, gripping the water bottle in his hands tighter.

Natsuki exchanged a long glance with Jun who at first seemed to be resistant but nodded in the end.

" Fine…" he murmured before raising his voice again. " Shiki?"

The mention of his name made Shiki look up again, focusing his attention onto Jun.

" You. Me. Talk. Now"
Jun couldn't believe he was actually doing this but Natsuki was right.
They couldn't let this go on.
It wasn't helping anyone.

Hayato was even more surprised than Shiki at first bolting out a loud "What?" but Natsuki was right there, gently but still firmly pulling the other along with him.

" We gonna get…some warm…snacks…for everyone"

" What? No! I wanna stay!" Hayato tried to protest but Natsuki gave him one serious look that made him instantly go silent.

Natsuki was always calm and gentle but he could be persistent when he wanted something and Hayato knew not to mess with him in a state like that.

Jun waited until those two had left the room before continuing: " Sit."

Shiki shivered but he did as he was told.
What was this about?
Did Jun want to throw him out of the band?
No, that couldn't be after all they just talked about the competition.
Maybe he was angry about something? Did Shiki make another mistake?

His heart was racing and Shiki was feeling nervous but he tried his best to stay calm and not freak out entirely.

The words that came out of Jun's mouth weren't like anything that Shiki ever expected to hear.

" I will ask this straight away. Do you love Haruna?"

Shiki blinked. One time, two times, his brain tried to process what he just heard.
After all Shiki expected a lot of things but this hasn't been one of them.

What was he supposed to answer?
Of course Jun already knew about his feelings and everything else so there was no reason to deny it or talk himself out of it.

" Coursie I do-ssu. But Juncchi you already know that-ssu."

" Do I?" Jun challenged. " If you love him then why don't you tell him? Why don't you want to be with him?"

It was a legitimate question to ask although Shiki was aware that Jun also knew the answer to that…

" I-it's not..that I don't want to…but…but.."

" Yeah I know, your ex-boyfriend and stuff" Jun interrupted harshly.

" Then why do you ask?" Shiki dared to question.

" Because I'm tired of it. Everyone is tired of it. This guy just literally joined a band because of you goddammit. How long do you think this can go on before Haruna is the one getting tired of it all?"

Shiki didn't answer because he knew that Jun basically was right.
How long until Haruna would give up on him?
And all because Shiki couldn't tell the other how he really felt.
Would he end up losing Haruna too? The thought alone made his heart quench painfully.

" I…I don't know…what to do anymore-ssu"

" If you love him and want to be with him you gotta tell Haruna that" Jun suggested like it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

" But what…what if it all goes wrong? I know Harunacchi wants to be with me but…"

" Well it's just something you will never know until you try" Jun sighed. " but I know that if this goes on like that you will sooner or later lose Haruna for sure but if you tell him now there is a chance that everything will be okay in the end"

Of course Shiki knew that Jun was right about that too, he was always right about everything.

" But if I start a relationship with Harunacchi and we eventually end up breaking up then it might hurt even more-ssu."

" I won't say you are wrong but I gotta break it to you. This is life and sometimes it hurts an awful lot but that doesn't mean you should never try" Jun said, leaning back in his chair. " I know that a lot of horrible things happened in the past but you shouldn't dwell on it for so long. Those things are over and done and all you can do now is learn from them and try to be better because if you never try again then you will never know what might happen and you'll be stuck for the rest of your life."

" How did you know?" Shiki asked." I mean…that Natsukicchi is that one person-ssu. You two have been together for so longsies-ssu"

" To tell you the truth…I don't know. I have no idea if Natsuki really is the person I want to spent the rest of my life with but I do know that I…I…really love him…and I will do anything to make it work out although I don't know what the future holds and maybe we'll go separate ways one day but I still think it's better to live in the moment. Don't think to much about what tomorrow might bring. Right now all I want is to just wake up beside Natsuki every morning…if possible for the rest of my life but...who knows so I'll just enjoy every moment. Wait why am I even telling you that?"

Wow. For once in his life Shiki was entirely speechless.
All this time he never realized how deeply in love Jun actually was but to tell the truth wasn't Shiki the same?

Didn't he want to be with Haruna preferably for the rest of their lives? Wasn't he so deeply in love that every second without Haruna felt painful? Like he couldn't breath anymore without the other by his side?

Jun was right with every word he said.
Haruna was always so warm, gentle, kind and he did all those things for Shiki without even complaining once.

Shiki would also do everything to make sure they could stay together and actually he knew that Haruna would do the same.

Nobody knows what might happen in the future but one thing was for sure: Haruna wasn't Rei.
Shiki couldn't believe that Jun had to tell him all of that for him to finally understand and solve the puzzle in his head.

" So what will you do?" Jun asked after long minutes of silence.

" I…" Shiki's hand found its way to his chest, clenching his t-shirt tightly. " I'm going to tell him right now" he declared, his turquoise eyes looking directly at Jun.

" Very well then. You are excused for today's practice"

It was all Shiki needed to hear and he hurriedly grabbed for his stuff, putting on his scarf and coat before he turned around to Jun again.

" Juncchi…thanksie-ssu"

" Don't mention it. Also if something goes wrong…god, I can't believe I'm saying this…don't forget you still have us. No matter what happens we'll always be your friends. I'm sure Natsuki and Hayato feel the same."

Shiki had to smile. Of course how could he forget that…no matter what life would throw at him…this time he wasn't alone anymore.

" I'll never forget that-ssu" Shiki whispered, shouldering his backpack and storming out of the room, surprising Hayato and Natsuki who were just about to return after having bought some snacks for everyone but Shiki had no time to stop in his tracks.

" Shiki?! Where are you going?!" Hayato yelled after him.

Shiki didn't turn around but he answered anyway: " I'm going to tell him-ssu!"

Natsuki smiled at that answer looking through the open door at Jun who was still sitting in his chair and he nodded in approval, his lips forming silent words like: " Good job" and Jun released a long breath before the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile.

Shiki knew that it was not too late. If he hurried then he would be able to catch up to Haruna.
If the other was going to his part time job than that means was about to take the bus.

He stumbled out of the building just to be surprised by small snowflakes whirling around him, covering the world in a layer of white.

" Snow?" Shiki whispered out but he couldn't dwell on it too long. If Haruna boarded the bus then Shiki would have lost his chance.
He needed to tell him right now.
Shiki's eyes flickered to his right side.

The bus station was in this direction, right?
Shiki started to run again and he kept running even as his body started to protest at the sudden unexpected workout session.

His legs were feeling heavy and lungs were burning like fire but Shiki couldn't give up, he just couldn't stop and really soon enough he could make out that mob of orange hair in the distance. Just a bit more.

" HARUNACCHI!" Shiki all but screamed, mobilizing the last of his powers.

Haruna stopped in his tracks. Did he just hear that correctly? It couldn't be.
He turned around agonizingly slowly and suddenly another body crashed right into him, falling in his arms with such force that Haruna almost lost his balance.

" Shiki?!" Haruna screeched out in utter surprise, instantly recognizing the other just by his black hair.

" Harunacchi…Harunacchi…" Shiki huffed out in short desperate breaths, sounding like he had just run a whole marathon as he cuddled into the other's chest, trying to calm his elaborated breathing and erratic heartbeat.

" Oi, oi calm down" Haruna whispered out, certainly noticing how Shiki's chest heaved rapidly. " Are you alright? Did anything happen?" Haruna's arms instinctively wrapped around Shiki's waist.

It took Shiki another few seconds to regain his composure but then he leaned back so he would be able to look into those vibrant green eyes shimmering with surprise, confusion, worry but also so much warmth like Haruna was looking at something really precious to him.

How could Shiki not have realized it sooner?
" I'm so gladsie I still managed to catch up to you-ssu" Shiki's voice still sounded kinda breathless but he continued anyway. " I have to tell you something-ssu. Super mega urgent. Can't wait for another second-ssu. Harunacchi…I…I…I've finally found my answer-ssu."

And all of a sudden Haruna's whole world seemed to stop right at that second…

Chapter Text

Haruna had gone completely silent just staring into Shiki's turquoise eyes that flamed with determination.

His answer?
What would be Shiki's answer?
Haruna felt like his heart would beat out of his chest if Shiki kept quiet any longer but finally the other opened his mouth to speak..

" You know Harunacchi…I've been thinking lots-ssu. It's really not that easy…"

Haruna gulped audibly. That didn't sound so good at all.
Had Shiki decided not to be with him in the end?

Haruna looked at the other, suddenly feeling a wave of anxiousness and dizziness hit him and he tried to focus, trying to ignore the heavy pile of stones that seemingly had formed in his stomach.

He wasn't sure what to say or how to react but his mind was reeling playing out dozens of different scenarios as to how this could go and it made Haruna feel almost nauseous but then suddenly there were warm hands grabbing his own.

The action alone made Haruna snap out of it and he first looked at their connected fingers before big, green eyes wandered upwards.
Shiki was…smiling…

This was the moment now. Shiki had made his resolution. There was no turning back.
He would say it although he had no idea how but he was sure Haruna would understand.

" Do you remember the first time we met? It may sound mega cheesy but even back then…I think I already knew that Harunacchi was a special person-ssu. From the moment I first saw you I've always had this feeling in my stomach-ssu. At first it was barely noticeable but then we became friends and all the time we spent together, everything we've been through…I slowly started to realize that I wanted so much more than friendship though I tried so hard to deny it-ssu…"

Shiki was squeezing Haruna's hands lightly and Haruna almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was this really happening?
Haruna needed to tell Shiki too…

" Shiki…honestly it's the same for me. I think from that moment you bumped into me…I've started to fall for you slowly but surely. However I tried to deny it for so long, telling myself over and over that it couldn't be. I never felt something like this for another guy…actually for no one ever before you appeared in my life…but my actions caused you so much hurt and I'm so sorry like I really am the worst kind of person"

"Nosie-ssu" Shiki immediately answered, vigorously shaking his head. " Harunacchi isn't a bad person at all-ssu. Definitely you are the opposite and you've always been so kind and gentle to me ever since-ssu. A lot of things happened but it isn't anyone's fault and it's in the past already-ssu. Right now I'm still afraid of what might happen because I never want to hurt someone so precious to me ever again but more than that I really wanna be with you and that's why…"

Shiki took in a deep breath, mentally preparing for what he was going to say next. It was now or never.
" Harunacchi…I love…you…please be my boyfriend-ssu"

Silence. Nothing but silence was filling the air and Haruna stared at him with eyes so big it was a miracle they hadn't fallen out yet.

Shiki was slightly trembling, not only because of the cold but also he was feeling nervous looking at Haruna with a bright red blush on his face. Why wasn't the other saying anything? Why was he looking at Shiki like that?
Did Shiki say something weird?

Then all of a sudden Haruna broke out into heartfelt laughter.

Shiki released the breath he'd been holding.
What in the actual name of Kumacchi?
Now Shiki couldn't believe it.
He'd just been pouring his heart out towards Haruna and that was the others reaction?
Was he just mocking Shiki now?
This was so unbelievable.

" S-Stupid H-Harunacchi…w-what's so funny about that?" Shiki stammered out with an indignant huff, pouting the best he could.
Was Haruna really serious right now?

" Sorry, sorry…it's just…" Haruna said after he calmed down and suddenly Shiki found himself in a warm hug. " Is that really happening? I surely must be dreaming."

Shiki huffed annoyed yet again, leaning back so he could look at Haruna. His hands reached up and before Haruna knew it Shiki was pinching both of his cheeks hard.

" Harunacchi you idiot-ssu! This is absolutely totes not a dream-ssu" Shiki grumbled trying his best to look angry.

" Owuch, Owuch, Owuch! O-Okay, I got it! I got it!" Haruna winched out in pain and he released a relieved breath when Shiki finally let go of his cheeks. " This is really happening. Unbelievable…oh god Shiki…I love you. I love you so much! Be my boyfriend please"

" Yes I'd love to!" They both simultaneously blurted out, after Haruna realized that he hadn't answered Shiki's question earlier either.

They both looked at each other before breaking out into a delighted giggle.

" Man I can't believe this…can you even imagine how happy I am right now?" Haruna gently whispered, one of his hands finding its way on Shiki's cheek.

The snowfall had become stronger, white and big flakes of snow whirling all around them, tangling themselves into Shiki's hair, contrasting perfectly with its black color before slowly melting away.
His turquoise eyes sparkled beautifully in the dim light of the streetlamps and a bright red blush had spread itself all over Shiki's cheeks but he smiled so happily.

Haruna had never before seen someone so beautiful and cute. His heart was hammering against his chest rapidly and he sure as hell was smiling like a dorky idiot.
How could it be that Haruna deserved someone like Shiki? Really was it okay to be that lucky in life?

" Uhhmmm…I think I kinda can imagine-ssu" Shiki answered his hands clenching into Haruna's coat. " because I'm so mega happy too-ssu."

Haruna wasted no time when Shiki leaned up and their lips met into the most loving kiss ever and Haruna's arm instinctively wrapped around Shiki's waist tighter wanting to hold him as close as possible.

Around them it was cold and windy but right here it was so warm and cozy Shiki wanted to stay like this forever. Even after they separated, Shiki only nuzzled closer into Haruna's comforting warmth. The scent of the other making him feel so calm.

" Mouu I wanna stay like this forever-ssu" Shiki whined in a whisper.

" Truly…right now I don't wanna go to work at all"

" Nopsie not gonna happen-ssu" Shiki breathed out now his hands found their way onto Haruna's cheeks as he gently pushed their foreheads together. " You gonna give it your all-ssu. There will be a lot of work now that you officially joined the band too-ssu. But I believe in you. I'm gonna cheer Harunacchi on-ssu"

" That's all I ever need. Let's do our best together. Speaking about the others. You wanna tell them about it?"

" Tomorrow when everyone's gathered for Hotpot at Juncchi's and Natsukicchi's home. Hayatocchi will kill us if we keep this a secret for more than 24 hours-ssu."

Haruna let an amused chuckle escape from his lips.
" You are right. Tomorrow it is then. I'll be working mega hard from now on!" Haruna declared peppering Shiki's cheek with small kisses making the other giggle.

" Harunacchi…that tickles-ssu"

" Can't help it because you are so cute"

Shiki wanted to answer but just in that moment the bus drove past them.

" Ah I'm going to be super late!" Haruna realized in shock.

" Give it your mega best-ssu" Shiki declared, surprising even himself when he leaned up to place a small kiss on Haruna's lips.

" Uhum I definitely will!"

Shiki watched how Haruna turned around to run after the bus reaching the station just in time to board it but not without turning around once again and waving at Shiki who waved back smiling like an idiot waiting until he couldn't see the bus anymore before turning around himself.

What had just happened?
Shiki grabbed his burning hot cheeks in shock.
This was not a dream, right?
Shiki really went and did it and now Wakazato Haruna was officially his boyfriend. Like for real?

Haruna was…his boyfriend.
Shiki finally released the happy squeal he'd been holding in for too long, shaking his head in disbelief.

They were really dating, they actually were and Shiki besides everything he'd been worried about before, was feeling so ridiculously happy that he couldn't help himself but to smile all the while, humming happy melodies.

It felt like drifting on fluffy clouds, so surreal yet so wonderful and Shiki was sure he annoyed everyone with his behavior on his commute home but he couldn't care any less when the best thing ever had just happened to him.

" I'm hoo~o~me~ssu~" Shiki announced, no more like sing-songed as he practically danced through the door of their shared apartment.

" What happened to you?" Ren greeted him right at the entrance with a raised eyebrow.

" Ohhh…" Shiki hummed as he was getting rid of his shoes and coat. " Just the best thing ever-ssu"

" What is that supposed to mean?" Ren asked seemingly annoyed but then another boy stuck his head out of the kitchen.

" Finally lucky in love, eh?" Rei suggested it all casually.
Normally Shiki would have been surprised seeing the other here but ever after the Halloween Party they had Rei was staying at their home pretty often.

At first Shiki had felt awkward suddenly seeing his ex-boyfriend this frequently but it got easier after time also Rei seemed to be much more interested in Ren than in Shiki anyways.

Shiki had introduced them at the party to one another and Ren had been as foul-mouthed as ever but Rei had gotten back at him pretty swiftly and it even had surprised Shiki because whenever did Rei get that bold?

Interestingly enough Ren seemed pretty intrigued by the boy who didn't give two cents about his short-tempered personality and they both got along surprisingly well.

" I can't believe it-ssu! I'm actually dating Harunacchi-ssu!" Shiki squealed once again like a lovesick schoolgirl and Ren rolled his eyes.

" Oh my god go to bed, are you high on sugar or something?"

" Nosies-ssu" Shiki whispered, coming way too close for Ren's liking. " I'm high on l~o~v~e-ssu♡. But don't worry about it. I'm sure Rencchi will be lucky in love pretty soon too. Isn't that right Reicchi?"

Shiki absolutely enjoyed how Ren's whole face suddenly lit up a bright red and he could hear Rei audibly clearing his throat.

" S-S-shut up!" Ren barked ready to go and hit Shiki but the other was faster dancing around him with an amused giggle to retreat into the safety of his room but not without noticing the light rosy blush on Rei's face too.

Honestly Shiki was feeling like he was on top of the world as he threw himself onto his bed with another delighted squeal, grabbing the Kumacchi plushie Haruna had won for him and rolling around in bed giggling like and idiot only ever stopping when the vibration of his phone signaled that a message had just arrived…

~🥘~

" Are you ready for it?"

" Ready for what exactly-ssu?" Shiki asked Haruna with a raised eyebrow. " Everyone won't be shocked by the news. If it wasn't for Jun talking sense into me we probably wouldn't be here today like that-ssu. Hayatocchi might start crying though-ssu…"

Haruna squeezed Shiki's hand that he was holding tighter.
" You are right about that. I have to thank Jun for it" Haruna whispered, finally pressing the small doorbell.

It didn't take long for Jun to open the door.
" Oh that's surprising. I didn't expect you two coming together" Jun was quick to observe though as his eyes fell on their connected hands. " Oh I see. Thank god finally. Come on in."

He opened the door further so they both could enter the flat.

" Pfft is that all you have to say?" Shiki asked Jun with a pout as the latter closed the door behind them.

" Well it's been long overdue anyway…"

" Thank you Jun. Shiki told me about it…" Haruna interrupted their conversation and Shiki snuggled into his side with a purr.

" Don't thank me. Shiki is pretty dumb so it's only natural that he needs a push in the right direction more than once."

" Oi what's that supposed to-" Shiki wanted to argue but they were interrupted by a new voice.

" Shiki? Haruna?" Hayato was looking at both of them with large brown eyes, seemingly processing the picture before him.

" Hayatocchi…" Shiki whispered.

Of course he said that Hayato would probably cry but there were other things Shiki had been worried about.
After all he knew how Hayato felt for him and now announcing that he was officially dating Haruna…it was like punching Hayato right in the face. Even if his friend had said that it was okay…

Hayato's facial expression changed as soon as he started to realize and he instantly started to cry, like Shiki had predicted, hugging them both tightly while wailing like a child.

" Oh my god! Is it true? It really is! I am so happy for both of you! This is so wonderful! Since when?" Hayato sniffed.

" Well since yesterday…" Haruna answered truthfully, awkwardly trying to pat Hayato's head while Shiki was still clinging to him too.

Of course Hayato would make a ruckus about it but Shiki didn't expect him to get this emotional.
" Hayatocchi I'm sorry-ssu"

" Sorry? What for? I told you that it's fine. I mean…from the start…if it was against Haruna…I knew I wouldn't stand a chance. Oh well but I'm over it so I'm really happy for you two" Hayato tried his best to rub the tears out of his eyes and smile.

Shiki wanted to say something but Haruna beat him to it.

" That's not true. I think you are all sorts of amazing."

" Harunacchi is right-ssu. Hayatocchi is super duper cool!" Shiki agreed wholeheartedly.

" Right, right. Enough you three. Discuss that during dinner. I already prepared everything and you all are here. I just need to set the table" Jun interrupted their little conversation.

" Oh, I'll help! I'll help-ssu" Shiki announced, finally taking off his shoes and coat to swoosh into the kitchen right past Jun.

It wasn't Shiki's first time here but Jun felt annoyed that the other was already behaving like he was right at home.
Anyways Jun decided, for the sake of the evening, to let it slide for now and just follow behind with a long sight leaving Haruna and Hayato to themselves.

There were so many things prepared like meat and different veggies, noodles and fishcakes to go along into the hotpot and everything was sliced up perfectly bite sized and placed neatly into beautiful bowls and trays.

" Wooah Juncchi you prepared all of that yourself? You are so mega amazing-ssu!"

" W-Well Natsuki helped a bit. I also made all kinds of different sauces to go with the ingredients and soup base. Believe it or not, I've never been the best cook but sometimes, you also learn from life's hardships" Jun casually said, lifting up one of the trays.

" What's that supposed to mean again?" Shiki let his head fall to one side in question.

" Do you really think you were the only one who had it tough when you came out? My father kicked me right out of the house as soon as he found out about me and Natsuki. I've been living with his family ever since and once we started university we both got part-time jobs to be able to afford this small flat. Although I reconciled with my father I'm still grateful for all the things I've learned."

That's right. Shiki had never really thought about that but it must have been hard for his two friends too.
Both Jun and Natsuki were always working hard, with university, the band and part time jobs but they never even once complained and look where they are now.

Shiki would work hard too and make them all super proud but what surprised him more was that Jun had just opened up to him like that.
Didn't that mean that the other considered him to be a good friend?

" Juncchi…"

" Be careful with carrying those trays. If they fall, I'll never forgive you" Jun said like nothing had ever happened and Shiki smiled to himself.

Oh well it was something, wasn't it? Shiki wondered if one day he might live together with Haruna too?
Of course it was too early to think about that yet when they were only dating for around 24 hours, Shiki knew that but he couldn't help to imagine.

Everyone had already gathered in the living room, sitting on the floor around the kotatsu.
Haruna was talking with Natsuki and even Takeru was there after getting invited by Hayato and Jun saying that he didn't mind.

Shiki was glad that Hayato seemingly found another really good friend and he watched with a small smile how they both interacted with each other.

" I also prepared some tea for everyone and we have different kinds of soda too if you prefer that" Jun announced once everything was on the table and he and Shiki had taken a seat next to their respective boyfriends.

" Right. I think it's time for a toast anyways. We gotta celebrate Haruna officially joining the band and also him and Shiki finally becoming a couple for real. In this aspect I will-" Hayato was quickly interrupted by Jun speaking up.

" Please spare us with your nonsense speech nobody wants to hear anyways" Jun grumbled turning on the portable gas stove to get their soup boiling. " But since you mentioned it, of course I prepared the form for Haruna-san to fill out and sign to make it all official."

" Only that? Man I really thought I had to go through some crazy entrance ceremony thing or something. How boring" Haruna retorted.

" Ugh believe me that form is pure torture I had to fill it out too-ssu" Shiki shivered, thinking back to that time with horror as he hooked his arm with Haruna's cuddling close. " There's so many rules and paragraphs and other complicated stuff written in there and not even one picture. My head started hurting mega much just from reading-ssu."

" Well let's…keep the formalities for…later and first enjoy…the good food" Natsuki suggested which earned him an eager nod from Hayato.

" I agree, even if Jun interrupted the heartfelt speech I have prepared…"

Shiki giggled amused.
" I wanna hear it-ssu. I bet it's hyper cool-ssu."

" Of course. Please listen up everyone" Hayato audibly cleared his throat.

" Are you really gonna do it?" Takeru asked with a raised eyebrow and Hayato nodded.

" Oh yes, just watch and listen. We are all gathered here today…"

" Please don't" Jun groaned, putting his hands over his ears.

" This sounds like a wedding," Haruna noted with a snort.

" Wedding?" Natsuki let his head fall to one side.

Shiki just shook his head with a small laugh, listening to Hayato talking nonsense about true friendship and love, his eyes shifting to Jun who looked like he wanted to die before they settled onto his boyfriend.

Haruna seemed to be as confused as everyone else by Hayato's speech and Shiki cuddled into his side, smiling contentedly when an arm leisurely wrapped around his waist.

All of this was a new experience for Shiki.
During middle school all he ever did was go to karaoke and his high school days had been only about Rei ever since first class.

Getting invited to someone's home, drinking and eating hotpot together. For the first time in his life Shiki had found true friendship. People who accepted him the way he is although they sometimes seemed annoyed by his behavior. Shiki knew better and he watched them, putting different ingredients into the Hotpot while discussing the upcoming live show and how they were going to exchange christmas presents at the band practice on the 23rd, Hayato telling Takeru that he got the coolest gift for him before he squealed in delight at the good tasting meat.

All the while there was this small smile on Shiki's face, that no matter how hard he tried wouldn't vanish and he sipped his pleasantly warm tea from the mug that looked so fancy, Shiki handled it with utter care because he was sure Jun would never forgive him if he broke it.

It was such a nice atmosphere, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and Shiki was surrounded by people who genuinely cared about him.
Jun had been right…he wasn't alone anymore.
He had friends now…

" Here say aah. It's super delicious" Haruna's voice registered in his head.

Friends and so much more.
How was it possible that Shiki was not only blessed with such amazing friends but also the most loving boyfriend ever?

Did he really deserve all this genuine happiness?
It kinda felt like some Christmas miracle had happened to him all of a sudden and he silently thanked whatever greater power was out there before complying with Haruna's wish, opening his mouth to let himself get fed.
Haruna had been right. This really was delicious meat.

Shiki prepared himself for another piece of meat as soon as he swallowed the first one but all he got was the most gentle kiss ever. Not that Shiki minded or complained because this was even better than the meat.

Showing this kind affection in front of everyone else wasn't something Shiki was used to yet and it felt a bit embarrassing although he knew that his friends didn't really mind.

Jun scolded them as soon as they separated but then complained even more when Natsuki tried to mirror Haruna's actions.
Hayato started to whine about how unfair it was that they were all so lovey dovey with each other while he was still single, dramatically throwing himself into Takeru's arms who was seemingly overwhelmed by the situation.
Of course Haruna had to tease Hayato about it too and everything turned pretty chaotic once again with everyone talking all over each other.

It was alright though because Shiki was sure it wouldn't be them if it wasn't at least a little bit of chaos and he managed to hit the jackpot by almost knocking over the whole hotpot when he got too excited about Takeru telling them about his boxing career.

Luckily Natsuki, who was always so quiet, acted fast, surprising everyone with his rapide reaction by not only saving Jun from getting bathed in piping hot soup but also their whole dinner, earning him Shiki's full admiration as a "hero" for the rest of the evening.

Jun of course kept scolding Shiki for his irrational behavior and he got teased by Hayato and Haruna nonetheless but besides that Shiki felt truly happy like he never had before in his whole life and they continued to eat and talk and sharing some fruit as dessert at the end but best of it all was that he could be close to Haruna the whole time enjoying being held closely and forgetting all about time at the moment…
…

" Oi Shiki wake up you lazy blop" Haruna gently whispered, carefully poking his boyfriend's cheek who had decided that sleeping on the tatami mat underneath the kotatsu was apparently a good idea. " You can't just sleep there."

But Shiki seemed to have a whole different idea about it, only grumbling and trying to curl himself up further.
Haruna sighed of course he should have known that letting Shiki lay down wasn't a good idea, now he would never get him awake again and Jun would get extra annoyed and…

" It's okay. Just let him sleep like that. You can stay overnight"

Haruna couldn't believe that such words were coming out of Jun's mouth but he nodded curtly, watching his sleeping boyfriend.

" I'll get…you…pillows. Luckily…we turned on…the kotatsu heater…of course Hayato and Takeru…can stay too…"

Natsuki left the room as soon as he appeared again carrying a whole pile of pillows with him, handing some of them over to Haruna.

" Might not be…the best place…to sleep…though…"

Well Natsuki was probably right about that but if Shiki wanted to sleep on the Tatami mat then so be it, huh?
Really this guy was like a kid sometimes. Stuffing himself full and then going right to sleep…but Haruna loved him nonetheless, if anything things like that even added to Shiki's cuteness.

Haruna ever so carefully tried to wedge one of the pillows underneath Shiki's head without waking his boyfriend up.
It proved to be kind of a difficult task as Haruna somehow managed to get his hand in between Shiki's cheek and the floor, lifting his head up with one arm and trying to get the pillow into the little space he created with his other free hand.

Magically, Haruna managed to do it and he sighed relieved, turning around to place his own pillow onto the floor.
It wasn't going to be a very comfortable night but at least they were together. It was all that counted…

Haruna was ready to just lay down but when he faced his boyfriend again, Shiki was looking at him, though still sleepily, his eyes not even half way open but definitely awake.

" I'm sorry did I wake you up?" Haruna whispered his hand softly combing through black hair but Shiki only shook his head lightly, releasing an audible breath while closing his eyes once again and cuddling into his pillow with a small smile.

" I'm so mega glad-ssu. I thought everything was just a dreamsie but Harunacchi is still thersie-ssu" the words were merely breathed out in a hush whisper.

Haruna felt like his heart stopped for a few beats right there and he sure as hell was blushing but he couldn't help the dorky smile forming on his lips.
God, had he ever been so madly in love before? Haruna wasn't able to handle such strong feelings, so much happiness all at once it was just too much.

" C-course I am…it's not a dream and…I love you" Haruna wasn't sure if Shiki had even heard this as he seemed to be fast asleep already again but Haruna still needed to say it.
He would make sure to tell Shiki, day after day after day for as long as they were together which Haruna hoped would be forever.

He carefully removed the pink glasses from Shiki's nose, placing them on the table.
Well they definitely created a mess but they would take care of that tomorrow.

Haruna exchanged a small look with Hayato who just nodded before he immersed himself back into the game he and Takeru were playing on their handheld consoles.

Knowing both of them they probably would do this for the rest of the night.
It was like the gamers secret super power but Haruna could easily ditch an all-nighter if it meant he was able to cuddle with Shiki all night long.

He removed the seating pillow underneath him and laid down slowly, slipping underneath the kotatsu blanket as far as it was possible before resting his head on the pillow Natsuki so generously gave him.
It sure as hell wasn't all that comfortable but it was warm and Haruna found that he didn't mind at all as soon as he had Shiki pulled into a tight hug, the sweet smell of his boyfriend wafting around his nose, calming his whole body down.

Haruna had told Shiki that these last 24 hours weren't a dream but if they were…then he wished to never wake up again because he was pretty sure that's how heaven must feel like….and he smiled as he slowly drifted off to sleep…
…

Hayato had been indulging in this game for another four hours after he quietly said goodnight to Haruna and he had no idea how late it was but a curt glance out of the window told him that dawn was already here.

Just like Shiki and Haruna, Jun and Natsuki were probably fast asleep in their room and Takeru was the only one besides him still awake as they had played together online all this time, exchanging a few words here and there.

Normally Hayato would have been irritated by the lack of conversation but with Takeru it was different. The silence between them didn't bother Hayato at all, honestly it was kind of refreshing.

Besides that it still had gotten super late and Hayato couldn't stop the big yawn coming out from his mouth all of a sudden.

" Are you tired?" Takeru asked.

" Seems like it huh?" Hayato answered, putting the handheld console down on the table. " I can already hear Jun scolding me for staying up all night again."

" Shall I bring you home then?"

" It might be for the best. I mean who can sleep in a place like that. Well, except for those two…" Hayato risked a look over the table at his two sleeping friends.

In the end even Hayato had to admit that those two kinda fitted together perfectly as he watched them peacefully slumbering, cuddled up all tightly, drooling at each other and Shiki mumbling something about a cute Kumacchi in his sleep while grinning like an idiot.

Hayato couldn't help it as he grabbed his phone to take a picture as evidence because he was sure as hell going to tease those two for it later.

" But I think it's good the way it is. They seem happy after all" Takeru mumbled more to himself than Hayato.

" Well how do they say…every Jack will find his Jill. It is a bit sad though. I mean I am happy for them and stuff but now I'm the only single left in this band but honestly not surprised. Seems like I'm predestined to be the third or more like fifth wheel after all" Hayato released a pitiful sight.

" That's not true at all! I'm sure you will find your special someone very soon! After all, Hayato-san is really amazing and…" Takeru instantly replied without even thinking but stopped himself as soon as he realized. " w-well…I mean…"

Hayato blinked confused the first few seconds but then giggled as he glanced at the other sideways, instantly noticing the red blush on Takeru's cheeks and how he nervously fiddled with his thumbs, his blue eyes suddenly fixated on the table.

His special someone, huh? Did a person like that truly exist and why was it that everytime Hayato looked at Takeru for longer that he felt like he had already found them?

The hand resting on Hayato's upper tight clenched into the fabric of his jeans and he nervously chewed on his bottom lip before deciding that it would be alright.

Takeru flinched for the shortest of seconds as soon as he felt Hayato's head resting on his shoulder and he tried to remember how to breathe again.

" E-eh? Hayato-san? Didn't you want to go home?"

" Just for a bit" Hayato whispered, his hand shyly grabbing Takeru's to squeeze it lightly. " you know I just wondered how those two could be able to sleep like that but to tell the truth I feel like I'd be able to fall asleep just like this too…surprisingly comfortable…"

There was no answer from Takeru, just silence between them but Hayato smiled when he felt an arm carefully wrapping around his waist and his brown eyes focused on the world outside the window.
It seemed to be getting closer to morning with every passing second but right now it was snowing once again.

He almost forgot but Christmas would be here in a few days and while they sat in silence like that Hayato caught himself wishing that his own Christmas miracle would happen very soon…

Chapter Text

Haruna was sure that not even on his first day at university he had felt this nervous as he did right now.
His eyes wandered from his reflection in the mirror to his small calendar on the wall.

December 24th…the day had really come.
Haruna once more inspected the neatly packed present in his bag.
In the end, with the help of Hayato, he'd been able to find something suitable and all Haruna could hope for was that Shiki would like it.

It was probably ridiculous to feel so anxious about something so trivial but for Haruna it really wasn't.
Although he'd been in relationships before…this was the first time he wasn't alone at Christmas and they had decided to go on a date together because that’s just what couples do on this special day, right?

Haruna tried to tell himself that it would be alright, everything would go smoothly and Shiki would like the present.
He decided to look himself over in the mirror once more because he really should leave the apartment or else he might be late.
Not that it would make any difference because knowing Shiki, the other would be late too at least by ten minutes but Haruna didn't mind at all.

On the contrary, it was pretty adorable how Shiki would come running into his arms, out of breath and apologizing for being late again but to him everything that Shiki did was endlessly cute.
Well yes truth be told Haruna had been able to catch himself the most adorable boyfriend ever.

He still couldn't believe it though it's now been a week.
If anyone had told him something like that would happen a year ago he would have thought they were crazy.

Before meeting Shiki Haruna was sure that it would be impossible for him to ever fall in love with another guy but apparently Haruna still had a lot to learn about himself.
Shiki had shown Haruna a side of himself he didn’t know because Haruna couldn't remember ever being that deeply in love before.

Packing up the last of his stuff and finally exiting his small flat, Haruna had to smile involuntarily.
If somehow possible he would make sure they could stay together forever and as he watched all the other couples on the train his anxiousness slowly turned into excitement.

Haruna really wanted to see Shiki right now.
Go and eat donuts together, watch all the different Christmas lights and enjoy a nice movie at the theater after that.
At least that's what they had planned to do.

In the end Haruna had managed to arrive at the station in time although he knew that Shiki probably wasn't there yet.
Haruna himself was notoriously running late to almost everything, except dates with Shiki but his boyfriend was even worse.
It was like Shiki had no concept of time whatsoever but as mentioned before Haruna didn't mind.

About ten minutes later he could finally see the figure of his boyfriend in the distance, rushing into his direction and instantly there was a smile on Haruna's face.

He reached out his arms and just as always Shiki jumped right into them with the delightest squeal of " Harunacchi!" that Haruna had ever heard.

" I'm mega giga sorry for being late again-ssu! But Ren didn't wake me up on time as he promised. So mean-ssu! And then I couldn't decide what to wear and when I was out it was already so late but then I saw this hyper cute dog I had to pet and there was this old lady needing help with directions and we both got lost in the end and when I finally arrived at the train station all trains were totes late-ssu!"

It was a miracle how Shiki could talk that much without even breathing in between but it always was like that.
As soon as they were together Shiki would start talking like a waterfall.
Sometimes Haruna really had a hard time keeping up with all of it but Shiki quite literally seemed to sparkle with excitement telling Haruna all those things and so Haruna had decided to just let Shiki have those moments.
After all, it was just one of Shiki's many quirks that Haruna loved so much.

Haruna lightly patted the other's head that was adorned by the pink bear-shaped ear muffs Shiki had gotten as a Christmas present from Jun.

" Wow, it seems like you already had a pretty eventful day, huh?"

" Ya have no idea-ssu! I was so hyper stressed I couldn't even eat breakfast-ssu! I'm mega starving! Oh but seeing Harunacchi is totes worth it-ssu!"

" But still I can't have you hungry like that. Let's go get some donuts. I'm sure they have a lot of festive specials at my favorite place."

" I knew Harunacchi would say that-ssu!" Shiki giggled, cuddling closer into Haruna’s warm chest.

Shiki loved spending time with Haruna, he really did.
Even just getting donuts became like some sort of sacred special event and talking with Haruna felt so natural, like they've known each other forever and Shiki was so madly in love, if he could wish for anything than he wanted to be together with Haruna forever.

Yet there was something, a minor inconvenience that Shiki always got reminded of whenever they were outside together and he murderously glared at the girl talking to, excuse her, his boyfriend who was at the counter of the shop to get them some donuts.

It's not like Shiki hadn't already known how popular Haruna was but ever since they were a couple, Shiki seemed to notice it more often.

There was literally nowhere they could go without Haruna getting stared at by some girls, talking about how cool he was behind their backs or worse even chatting directly with him like the girl now.

Shiki knew that he shouldn't feel the way he did when he was sure that Haruna truly loved him but he couldn't help being annoyed and jealous and he hated that ugly feeling seething in his stomach. It was just like back then with Meiko…

It was alright. Shiki told himself over and over doing his best to muster up a smile when Haruna walked over, taking a seat next to him with a tray full of donuts.

" Ta-dah! I made sure to only get the best of the best. Look at this one it looks like a little snowmen. Here you gotta try!"

Haruna was holding the donut out towards him and Shiki did his best to quench down the ugly feeling, taking a hearty bite out of the sweet pastry.

After all they were here together so Shiki wanted to enjoy being with Haruna and having a little christmas date because he knew although Haruna was done with his university exams the next few days would be hectic with preparing for the band competition.
Jun had been nagging him about this ever since and Shiki promised to work extra hard so he might as well enjoy his last day of freedom before Jun's strict training regime starts.

"Hhmm it's deliciousie-ssu" Shiki mumbled with his mouth stuffed full and he heard Haruna chuckle which made his own heart skip a beat as he carefully leaned his head against the other's shoulder.

Shiki didn't have a lot of fond memories when it came to Christmas and most of his happy ones revolved around his grandmother or Rei but he was sure that together with Haruna there would be a lot more beautiful moments to follow and he would make sure to treasure them all and capture them just like this one.

“ Oh righty, right let’s take pictures-ssu!” Shiki pulled out his phone to snap a photo of the different donuts before deciding that it was selfie time.

Of course Haruna didn’t mind and he readily posed together with his boyfriend for a cute picture. Not that they already had taken at least a thousand of those but Haruna knew that Shiki loved doing stuff like that so he didn’t complain and they both finished their donuts while talking about all and nothing before deciding to move on leaving the donut place hand in hand.
Even when they weren't doing anything out of the ordinary for Shiki it always felt like it was something special.
Just walking around town, looking at different Christmas lights while holding hands was enough for Shiki to feel so happy, he was sure he might explode if someone were to prick him with a needle now just like a balloon.

" Lookie at this Harunacchi-ssu" Shiki announced, pulling the other into the direction of some shop's window.

" Eeh what's that? You wanna buy one after eating all those donuts?" Haruna grinned amused as he looked at all the different cakes on display but Shiki didn't seem to listen at all.

" Christmas cake~♪ Christmas cake~♪" the other singsonged not having noticed Haruna's words at all.

Shiki was such an airhead from time to time but like said Haruna loved even that about him and he didn’t refuse and just followed his boyfriend inside of the small shop with a light chuckle.

It was so adorable how Shiki could get excited about something as trivial as cake, pointing at approximately five of them at once and babbling on about how delicious and cute they all looked without even stopping once.

“ Alright, Alright, I got it” Haruna knew that it would be a hassle to carry a cake around with them especially at the movies but how could he ever say no when Shiki was behaving like that “ you can choose whichever you want so we can eat it later at my place.”

“ Realsies?”

“ Totes realsies-ssu” Haruna tried to imitate Shiki’s way of speaking, ruffling a hand through black hair before placing a soft kiss to the other’s forehead.

" Mou Harunacchi-ssu" Shiki did his best to pout because first of all it was embarrassing plus there were so many people here and secondly how dare Haruna treat him like some small child?
Although Shiki knew that the bright red blush on his cheeks probably gave him away he tried to look as angry as possible but Haruna was smiling at him nonetheless.

Shiki gave up with a sight, turning back towards the different cakes, leaving Haruna to himself for now.

What would be a good cake to buy? There were so many and they all were different but looked equally as delicious.
Should he go for something classic with strawberries? Or how about a cake that was more on the extravagant side? Would Haruna prefer something fruity or did he like it more chocolaty?
Questions over questions. Maybe Shiki should go with the rose and lavender cake? Or would one with a specific character be better?

It was just too much to choose from and Shiki carefully looked over all the cakes with sparkling eyes.
Maybe just going with the classic would be his best option and he finally decided on the cake that he wanted.

The staff at the store carefully packed up the cake after Shiki told them which one he was going to take and he paid for it.
They could eat it later together at Haruna’s place while drinking warm tea and exchanging their presents, cuddled up in a soft blanket.

For Shiki that sounded like the perfect plan and way to spent his Christmas Eve after so many years of being alone, merely even celebrating and often only getting some KFC food to watch a stupid Christmas movie with Ren at home.
Not that Shiki didn’t like doing that but being with someone you love on this special day, definitely was better, no offense to Ren.

It was probably one of the best day’s Shiki had ever experienced and he turned around humming happily to see what his boyfriend had been up to and honestly the moment his turquoise eyes caught sight of Haruna he wished that he hadn’t looked at all.

Really now couldn’t he leave the other alone for five seconds without Haruna getting involved with some girl fawning over him?
So annoying and Shiki very visibly pouted, like he knew Haruna was ridiculously handsome but couldn’t they just have one moment of peace?
It was like his boyfriend was some sort of girl magnet and worst of it all Haruna didn’t seem to mind the attention at all.

Shiki tried to tell himself that it was alright and getting jealous was just because it wasn't like Haruna belonged to him or anything plus they were only dating for such a short amount of time.
Haruna loved him, Shiki was sure of that and yet it irked him greatly how his boyfriend acted so casually when most definitely that girl was outright flirting with him.
Sometimes Shiki really wished that Haruna would stop with that Mister-Nice-Guy-behavior and actually brush those girls off but it wasn't the way that Haruna worked.

Shiki knew that, telling himself over and over that it was okay but he still couldn't stop the painful jab of jealousy and it all only got worse when that girl had the audacity to lean in closer into Haruna's space.

Enough was enough already. Shiki wouldn't let that continue and he huffed angrily stomping towards his boyfriend.

" It sounds like a nice idea but actually I am..alre-" Haruna's sentence was interrupted suddenly when he felt how someone grabbed his arm. " Eh? Shiki?"

If a glance could kill Shiki was sure that both of them would be dead on the floor now and all he did was to release another indignant huff before pulling Haruna along with him, out of the shop and away from that girl who seemed to be slightly confused by Shiki's sudden interference.

Haruna however was even more confused by all of it, not understanding why Shiki acted like that, pulling him away without a word and gripping his arm so tightly that it was actually painful.

" Man Shiki stop that" Haruna tried but it seems like the other wasn't listening at all. " ouch you are hurting me damn."

Those words seemed to do the trick as Shiki abruptly stopped in his tracks letting go of his boyfriend.

Finally snapping out of it Shiki took in a deep breath of air.
What had he been doing? Did he really just let his jealousy get the best of him?

Haruna was still looking at him irritated and Shiki couldn't stand to keep his eyes on Haruna for too long and he averted them to the ground.
How could he have acted so childish? But...but it's Haruna's fault for being so oblivious and stupid.

A warm hand came in contact with his cheek but Shiki didn't look up at all.

" Say Shiki are you alright?"

Shiki avoided the question entirely, asking his own one instead.

" Has Harunacchi always been that popular with girls?"

" Me? Hmm as far as I remember it only ever started in High School. You know teenagers and stuff but why the sudden question?"

" Then you must have had a lot of girlfriends-ssu"

" Well it's only been three so far but Shiki what's with that all of a sudden?"

Haruna was right. Honestly, what was Shiki doing?
Asking stuff like that when they were on a date together. How uncalled for.

" You are right-ssu. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry for asking such unnecessary stuff-ssu. Forget about it."

The hand on Shiki's cheek moved lower grabbing his own and there were a few moments of silence before Haruna sighted loud and clear, making Shiki flinch.

" Let's just go home alright?"

Shiki didn't refuse nor did Haruna wait for his answer either as he led them back to the train station.

This was bad. Very bad.
Shiki cursed himself for saying such stupid stuff.
How could Shiki let his jealousy get so out of hand?

Of course Haruna would be angry now. Shiki had totally ruined their perfect day because he'd been so petty. Anyone would be mad.

What should Shiki do now? Haruna wasn't even looking at him nor did he speak any word on the train ride home and although he was hugging Shiki tight, Shiki was sure that he must be fuming inside.

Shiki needed to apologize and set this right.
He should say something but his brain wouldn't come up with the right words and all he could do was tagging alongside the other in silence, letting his anxiety eat away at him.
Not that Haruna would have let him escape anyways with the way he was holding onto Shiki's hand so tightly only letting go when they finally were inside his apartment and he had the door closed behind him.

Why couldn't Shiki bring himself to say something? How could he just stand there and watch Haruna taking off his scarf and hanging it up, letting him take the bag with the cake out of Shiki's hand and storing it onto the sideboard.

Inside of the apartment it was warm but Shiki still was trembling but it wasn't because he felt cold.

Haruna released yet another sight and that was it for Shiki. The wall was finally tumbling down, he'd been holding out way too long.

" Would you like to have cake first or should we start with tea to war-" and another time the words got stuck in Haruna's throat as he registered the smallest of sobs coming from well there was only one other person besides him here. What?

Haruna's green eyes grew wide at the sight of his boyfriend standing there with his whole body trembling, hands tightly clutched into his coat, small drops of tears streaming down his face, biting his own lips to try and control his sobbing, looking so miserable Haruna was overwhelmed not knowing how to react.

" Eeeeh? W-What's wrong? Did you buy the wrong cake or something?"

" I'm sorry Harunacchi. I ruined everything-ssu" Shiki hiccuped trying very hard not to completely lose it.

" Ruined? You didn't ruin anything. What are you talking about?" Haruna didn't understand but he still carefully wrapped his arms around the other's waist and Shiki's small shaking hands tightly gripped his jacket.

What was going on all of a sudden? Did Haruna make a mistake or something? Honestly he had no idea but Haruna did know that he couldn’t bear to see Shiki cry.

“ Harunacchi I’m sorry-ssu. I…I didn’t mean to get jealous-ssu” Shiki blurted out all of a sudden. “ I know Harunacchi loves me-ssu. B-but when I see Harunacchi with all the cute girls I can’t help it. I know it’s bad and I really hate it. It’s like there’s this ugly pitch black pile of mud in my stomach-ssu. I don’t like it and I know I have no right to be jealous but it just happens-ssu.”

Shiki hiccuped and sobbed the words out like a waterfall and Haruna hadn’t expected anything like that nor had he thought that Shiki would blurt out his feelings without a second thought but in the end that explained a lot and he was so glad that Shiki seemingly felt secure enough to talk with him about such stuff as well.

“ Shiki…” Haruna whispered out but as soon as Shiki picked his head up to answer something, Haruna took his chance, pushing their lips together in a deep kiss and now it was Shiki’s time to be utterly confused.

Haruna pulled back slowly and he was met with two turquoise eyes staring at him widely and though they still were wet and shining with tears that seemed to have stopped Shiki’s frantic crying.

Maybe Haruna’s next words would sound like something only a crazy person would say but it’s just how things were. After all, Shiki had been honest with him too and Haruna truly was madly in love and maybe it was something to worry about but he didn’t care, not in this moment anyways.

“ Shiki you dummy, you are worrying too much. What are you talking about? You are jealous?…If you ask me, that’s totally okay. Please get jealous of everyone who comes near me. It’s fine if you want to monopolize me, if you want me to be yours alone. I don’t mind even if that pile of mud gets bigger just take it and smear yourself with it from your toes to the tips of your hair because I’ll love you no matter what and honestly it’s the same for me. I don’t want people coming near you. If possible I want you to be mine alone.”

Wow…just wow. If Shiki hadn’t been speechless before he sure as hell was now and that was some kind of achievement considering that he normally talked a mile per minute but Haruna just had that power over him.

He looked into those deep green orbs too stunned to say anything but there wasn’t even an ounce of doubt in those eyes and Shiki could hardly believe it.

Like really how lucky could he get? How much happiness did he deserve?
Shiki was glad…so glad because of all the people in the world, he’d fallen in love with Haruna and not only that but he was loved by said guy just as much.

Shiki’s lips twitched up into a relieved smile and he carefully pushed his glasses up his nose to rub the tears out of his eyes.

“ Harunacchi…I…” Shiki took in a deep breath of air, adjusting his glasses before he threw himself right into the other’s arms with a squeal. “ I’m so hyper giga terra happy-ssu! I love you so mega mega hyper much-ssu! I thought Harunacchi was super mad and hated me now-ssu!”

“ What? Why would I ever be mad at you?”

“ Because you were sighting sooo ultra much and you wanted to go home instead of the movies and you were hyper quiet-ssu! I thought you were furious-ssu.”

“ I wasn’t furious at all you dummy. I just…when I touched your cheek and hands you were super cold because although I told you, you still forgot to bring gloves and I didn’t want you to freeze so I thought it would be better to go home. I even tried to warm you up in the train like wasn’t that obvious?”

“ Stupid Harunacchi how would that be obvious-ssu!” Shiki argued.

“ It is!' Your one brain cell just isn’t bright enough to keep up!”

“ Oh look who’s talking-ssu!”

They both visibly pouted but it only lasted for a few seconds before they simultaneously broke out into delighted giggles.

“ Maah what a stupid misunderstanding” Haruna whispered gently rubbing their noses together.

“ Totes stupid-ssu!” Shiki wholeheartedly agreed.

“ Also I just thought you might prefer if it was just the two of us. I mean we can still watch a movie here and the cinema doesn’t run away so…”

“ Yes I wanna have cuddles and cake-ssu!” Shiki whined dramatically.

“ Right. A movie, tea, cuddles and cake sounds good enough to me. So don’t be a crybaby, okay? Honestly I’m starting to think that Hayato is rubbing off on you too much”

“ Aaahh shut up stupid Harunacchi-ssu” Shiki grumbled but he finally started to take off his scarf, shoes and other stuff.

" Well I'll prepare the tea and cake and you can make yourself comfortable"

But Shiki only shook his head at the suggestion.

" Nosie I wanna help too-ssu"

Not that Haruna minded and so they both started to prepare what they would need together and Haruna smiled as Shiki leaned against his shoulder watching how he poured them some tea and once they had finished preparing everything they made their way over to the small couch.

Haruna placed the two cups of tea on the couch table while Shiki had been in charge of carrying the cake.

" Uwwaah it looks soo hyper cute-ssu" Shiki squeaked out in delight at the sight before him.

Of course Haruna knew exactly what Shiki was talking about.
Truth be told it was the first time that Haruna had a christmas tree in his flat ever since moving out of his mom's place and it was a rather small one but Shiki had insisted on getting it like he was the one actually living here.

The tree was standing in one corner and they had bought all kinds of stuff for it and decorated it yesterday.
Now the branches were full with all sorts of, mainly pink and different Kumacchi and Donut ornaments and a string of fairy lights illuminate the tree in a warm yellowish color.

" Only because you helped with it" Haruna noted, letting himself flop onto the couch with Shiki following his example. " it definitely has that kind of Shiki vibe"

" And is that a bad thingie?"

“ Absolutely not”

Shiki chuckled happily and was very ready to just snuggle up and enjoy his cake but Haruna seemed to have other things in mind.

“ That reminds me before we get too comfortable….wait here for a sec…” Haruna stood up trying not to get swayed by Shiki whining after him like a small puppy as he moved back to the entrance area to get what he’d been carrying around all day out of his bag before returning to the other.

“ I-It took some time to f-find something so I…I h-hope you will like it” Haruna stuttered out like an idiot. Goddamnit what was he getting nervous for all of a sudden?
“ M-Merry Christmas…I- I guess and stuff…”

Shiki looked all awestruck at the package that was held out to him.

“ But Harunacchi you didn’t have to-ssu” Shiki whispered with a blush appearing on his cheeks as he took the present out of Haruna’s hand. It was small indeed but just from looking at it Shiki could tell that it must be something very valuable.

“ What are you babbling on about? Of course I had to, you are my boyfriend after all.”

Only Haruna calling him like that made the inside of Shiki’s stomach feel all giddy and he ever so carefully started to rip the packaging open to see what’s inside.

It was another small box in a golden color and with a little Kumacchi imprinted on it. Shiki had seen that before…could that be?
He proceeded to carefully open the lid of the box and truly…Shiki’s turquoise eyes widened in surprise.

“ You know at first I didn’t really want to buy something Kumacchi related because I thought it was just too plain but Hayato told me that when he once went shopping with you, you were totally adoring it so I thought why not?” Haruna admitted shyly, scratching the back of his head.

“ But Harunacchi that must have cost a fortune-ssu” Shiki breathed stunned by the gift as he gently picked the wristwatch out of its box to take a closer look.
It was silver and had cute Kumacchi shaped bear ears. The clock-face was green and showed the numbers in black colors.

“ Don’t exaggerate, it wasn't that expensive. I do hope it fits though since your wrists are so slim” Haruna mused, taking Shiki’s free hand in his own, breathing a light kiss to the inside of Shiki’s wrist making his boyfriend flinch.
Like it was such a simple gesture but it still made Shiki feel all squeamish but in a good way.

“ May I?”

Shiki nodded at the question and with a bright red blush handed the watch over to Haruna who attentively put it around the other’s wrist.

“ Thank God it fits perfectly. You like it?”

Shiki looked at the watch around his wrist and nodded his head excitedly.

“ Uhn! It’s perfect! So cute-ssu! Thanksies Harunacchi-ssu!”

“ Well at least this way you’ll never be late to our dates ever again!” Haruna chuckled cheekily.

“ Whaaat? Stupid Harunacchi-ssu!” Shiki complained, sticking his tongue out towards the other but then he smiled. “ I guess it’s Harunacchi’s turn now. Wait here for a sec…”

Shiki was up in the blink of an eye to retrieve the present he had neatly stored in his backpack and he almost jumped back onto the couch, nearly crashing into Haruna before holding it out towards his boyfriend with sparkling eyes.

“ This one’s for Harunacchi-ssu! Mega Merry Christmas-ssu!”

“ Oh I wonder what that could be” Haruna said, taking the present with both hands.

“ You’ll only find out if you open it, hehe”

Haruna did as he was told and just like Shiki before he was confronted with a small box after ripping away the paper and he let his head fall to one side in confusion but as soon as he removed the lid he understood.

“ That is…”

“ Yep-ssu! I mean I’m sure you have a dozen of those already but I designed this one totally myself so it is absolutely unique there isn’t a second one like it anywhere in this world-ssu” Shiki explained, nervously playing with his thumbs.

Haruna took the headband in his hand to take a closer look at it.
It was dark green with a small pink stripe in the middle going all the way around and there was a little donut at the side.
Yeah that definitely looked like something Shiki would design and Haruna’s lips twitched into a smile.

“ Thank you Shiki. That really is amazing!” Haruna did his best to fit the headband over his head and in his hair but without a mirror it was a difficult task of course.
Today Haruna hadn’t been wearing his headband since he had protected his head from the cold by wearing a hat.

“ So how do I look?”

Shiki giggled amused.

“ It’s a complete mess-ssu. Waitsie let me help you-ssu” Shiki shuffled closer his hands finding their way into Haruna’s hair to make that so-called mess look presentable.

Not that Haruna minded, if anything that felt pretty nice and it also gave him a chance to look closer at Shiki’s face catching every little movement.
His sparkling turquoise eyes that shifted around to make sure everything was in place and his small nose scrunching up when it didn’t work out as he imagined, tip of tongue peeking out between his lips because he was concentrating really hard to tame Haruna’s messy hair.

“ Looksie now it’s perfect-ssu” Shiki smiled triumphantly but before he could move his hands out of Haruna’s hair the other had already leaned forward and Shiki suddenly felt soft lips on his own.

Oh jeez, it was moments like those that made Shiki just want to melt and his eyes automatically fluttered close.
Shiki wouldn't mind if they'd just kiss all night long and Haruna seemed to silently agree because he only left them enough time to catch their breaths before kissing Shiki again, pulling him even closer and into his lap.

Shiki was sure if it had been anyone else he wouldn't have liked it but since it was Haruna he didn't care all too much.
The closer they were the better and he trusted Haruna so blindly that his mind felt completely at ease.
Shiki knew that his boyfriend would never hurt him consciously and yes maybe all of this was crazy and maybe their obsession with each other was unhealthy in a way but no matter what Shiki wouldn't want to change a thing about it.

Once they separated Shiki felt breathless, lightheaded and weightless, a blissful warmth spreading all over his body making even his fingertips and tiptoes tingle .

" I swear that's the mega bestest christmas ever-ssu"

" Is that so? But we haven't even had cake yet"

It was true. Haruna's words made Shiki remember their initial plan that now sounded even more alluring and he instantly rubbed against the other with a delighted purr.

" Cuddle me-ssu!" he practically whined.

" Needy aren't we?" Haruna said mockingly but of course he complied with Shiki's wish or should he rather say demand?

They found a position comfortable enough for both of them to leisurely snuggle and Shiki to be able to hold his mug with the tea and sip it, being surprised at the fact that it was strawberry flavored.

Of course only Haruna would be that thoughtful, tucking them in a warm couch blanket and just turning on some random Netflix christmas movie.

Shiki felt almost ashamed to admit it but getting pampered like that was way too nice and he definitely could get used to it so he didn't protest at all when Haruna decided to feed him with the cake.

Although Shiki had decided on going with a classic one it really was delicious and both their slices were gone in mere minutes.
Maybe a second one would have been nice but they both just felt too content to move and break the magical atmosphere between them.

Shiki was dozing off here and there and Haruna's hand combing through his black hair in a calming, monotonous motion didn't help all too much with keeping him awake.

If anyone would ask Shiki to describe happiness right now then sure as hell this would be it.
He couldn't imagine anything better than this and his eyes shifted from the TV screen to Haruna with his new headband and then to his own new wristwatch.

Truly Shiki had never felt so content and secure in his life and Haruna was so warm and gentle that it was a miracle how he survived the whole movie without entirely falling into dreamland.

Once the end credits rolled Haruna shifted for a bit in a long while earning him a disapproving noise from Shiki.

" Come on Shiki you can't sleep here and I love cuddling with you and stuff but my body feels awfully stiff."

" But it's giga late I don't wanna go home-ssu"

" Then just stay here" Haruna suggested without a single doubt. " I'm sure I can borrow you some of my clothes."

" Not necessary-ssu. I brought everything with me. Toothbrush, pajamas, underwear, new clothes-ssu" Shiki looked up at the other with a grin.

" Wait, you did?" Haruna asked, stunned but then smiled. " Did you actually plan for this to happen?"

" Uhm…w-well…" Shiki suddenly acted all shy. " of course I intended to ask…b-but I kinda don't want to go home tonight…it's because Rencchi will be there with Reicchi…and honestly I have no idea what their relationship is…don't misunderstand I really don't care but…I just don't wanna be alone at home with those two being all lovey dovey-ssu. Honestly I never thought Rencchi could be like that-ssu. So if you don't mind-ssu."

" Why would I ever mind? You can stay here for as long as you wish. If you like you can use the bathroom first and I clean this here up"

" Harunacchi such a gentleman-ssu"

" Only for you”

They both giggled but Shiki still followed Haruna’s suggestion, although reluctant, because it was warm and comfortable but well they needed to get themselves ready for bed and besides they could still cuddle more later.

So it happened that Shiki decided to vanish into the bathroom after finishing the rest of his, by now cold tea and Haruna got rid of the mess they created and about half an hour later they switched their roles.

Shiki had decided to flop into bed already while waiting for Haruna to finish. Not only was it more softthere but it also smelled like Haruna and it made the time that the other was away at least a bit more bearable.

He rolled around back onto his side, his eyes falling on his new watch that he had securely stored on the nightstand and a smile grazed over Shiki’s lips.
The lights of the small christmas tree were still illuminating the room and Shiki looked at the sparkling ornaments.

It was the first time in many years that Shiki had been able to truly enjoy Christmas again. Ever since his parents had found out about him and Rei back then most of his Christmases had been horrible ones but today was different.
Shiki took one of the donut shaped pillows to squeeze the life out of it.

On the windowsill by the bed there was a photo in a nice frame and Shiki had looked at it for a while now.
It showed a younger Haruna with a woman, presumably his mother.

Shiki wondered what Haruna’s mother would think once she found out about them? Would she get mad and never talk to Haruna again…all because of Shiki?
Like how would he react if his son who’s only ever been dating girls now suddenly showed up with a guy?
Shiki wondered if Haruna’s mother had liked Haruna’s ex-girlfriends at all? If she’d been happy he had found a cute girl like Meiko and was sad when they broke up?

Three ex-girlfriends…Shiki grumbled annoyed because he was feeling jealous of two girls he never met and although he didn’t wish anything bad to Meiko he’d be fine if he never ever had to see her face again.
Now that he had the official permission he wouldn’t let another girl come close to his Harunacchi ever again that’s for sure.

“ What are you doing there?”

Shiki felt how the mattress next to him moved, indicating that Haruna had come back from the bathroom.

“ Oh I just think that this is a nice photo-ssu” Shiki turned around to face his boyfriend who now was wearing a comfy shirt and dark blue sweatpants and Shiki was very glad that he didn’t brought his very embarrassing pink Kumacchi pajamas with him but decided on a normal black and pink Kumacchi shirt and a pair of pink sport shorts.

“ You think? That was about three years ago when I had just turned 20. Mom decided to make a huge deal out of it. So annoying” Haruna explained and he put his new headband right next to Shiki’s watch on the nightstand. “ So you wanna stay in bed? Should I...you know…?”

Shiki would have grumbled annoyed if it wasn’t for the fact that he knew Haruna was trying his best not to overwhelm him and stuff but weren’t they a couple now? So this much was fine really.

“ Don’t be stupid Harunacchi-ssu. This is your bed after all. Stop being so nice-ssu. If anything I should be the one to move but I…” Shiki decided that it was enough of talking and he threw the pillow to somewhere, holding out his arms and putting on his best puppy eyes.

“ I’m sorry I can’t help it” Haruna whispered and he willingly lay down as well pulling Shiki into his arms who immediately cuddled into him with a happy little squeal. “ After all, I don't ever want to hurt you again.”

“ And I told ya a million times that it’s alrighty-ssu. It’s in the past already…lookie” Shiki took it upon himself to take one of Haruna’s hands and move it to his chest where his heart was beating. “ ya feel that? All mended now-ssu.”

“ Pfft you are impossible” Haruna gently shook his head but he was smiling dorkily.

“ But ya love me-ssu.”

“ I love you so much no words could describe that.”

“ Harunacchi so cheesy, ewww!”

“ Bah we both know you like it!”

They both simultaneously broke out in delighted laughter before kissing once again, short and sweet but for them it was perfect.

“ Are you comfortable like that?” Haruna asked, making sure that his boyfriend would be able to sleep soundly.

“ More than that. It’s giga terra perfect-ssu” Shiki released a small sight, contently cuddling into the other’s chest.
If anyone asked him he could get used to sleeping like that every night and he delightly purred when a hand calmly stroked over his back.
Today had been pretty eventful after all and Shiki let his turquoise eyes fall close having no trouble with slowly but surely drifting off into dreamland while being surrounded by Haruna’s warmth and comforting scent feeling like he definitely was the luckiest human in this whole universe…

~⭐~

The next morning came and Shiki was woken up by a familiar sound slowly registering in his brain.
The doorbell? At this hour? It still seemed to be way too early to even think about being awake and Shiki tried to ignore the noise but whoever was disturbing their peace seemed to not be wanting to give up too easily as the sound continued and continued…

Shiki unwillingly blinked his eyes open, not wanting to get up at all because there was no better place on earth than right here in Haruna’s arms but if he stayed like this then the annoying doorbell would probably never stop.

He shifted a bit and Haruna released a low grumble.

“ Let it be…probably…just the postman…” he breathed out followed by a big yawn.

“ But it might be important-ssu…” Shiki argued and besides Haruna’s protest he managed to get up somehow and trotted towards the sliding door that led into the kitchen and entrance area.
Shiki opened it and closed it carefully behind him. The noise of the doorbell started to give him a headache as he took the last few steps towards the entrance door.

“ Yes, Yes I’m coming-ssu” he grumbled out not thinking twice as he opened the door. “ Good Morning-ssu…eehh?”

Shiki wasn’t greeted by a postman in uniform but a middle aged woman with wavy strawberry blonde hair who looked at him just as confused as he looked at her.

Shiki recognized that face. He had seen it yesterday. The photo on Haruna’s windowsill and all of a sudden he was wide awake as realization finally sank in.

“ Well as far as I know you are definitely not my son. So I wonder who you might be?” the woman asked with a curious undertone in her voice.

This was bad...really, really bad…

Chapter Text

Shiki was too baffled to speak for the longest of seconds.
Like what should he answer now?

This was Haruna's mother right before him, coming to visit her son just to meet another guy she didn't know.

How could the situation at hand not look wrong?
Why didn't Shiki listen to Haruna and just ignored the doorbell?

" I…I'm…" Shiki's mind wouldn't come up with any words but luckily he was soon enough saved by his boyfriend showing up.

Haruna stumbled into their direction hurriedly as if the reaper was right behind him, probably having jumping out of bed in milliseconds as soon as he heard his mother's voice and now shoving Shiki behind himself with a panicked shriek.

" M-Mom! I'm..I'm so sorry I totally forgot!"

Haruna's mother seemed to be baffled by her son's reaction, blinking a few times before she answered.

" Forgetting about your old mother, huh? How unfair of you…but…" she leaned to the side to be able to look at Shiki with a smile " care to explain to me?"

Shiki shyly looked at the women in front of him too, nervously chewing on his bottom lip. Haruna's mother didn't seem very old to be honest, if Shiki must have guessed probably in her early forties.
Just like her son she was pretty tall and her strawberry blonde long hair was slightly curly and, in Shiki's opinion, stunningly beautiful. Unlike Haruna she also was very fashionable with her makeup on point perfectly complementing her face and outfit.

" W-Well t-that's Shiki..he is…" Haruna felt a small hand clutching into the back of his shirt.

Shiki was right. It probably wasn't the smartest idea to confront his mother with this news first thing.
Maybe Haruna should wait for a better opportunity because he wasn't really sure what reaction he might get.

" A friend of mine. We are in the same band together."

" What? You in a band? How come I don't know. First you forget about our shopping date and now you don't even tell your mother things anymore. Poor me…"

The way Haruna's mother acted was so melodramatic that it kinda reminded Shiki of himself when he tried to behave like he was angry.

Well maybe this woman wasn't so bad at all.
She seemed to be nice and genuine, fun to hang around with and a youthful spirit.
Also she had the same gentle green eyes as Haruna.
Which oddly enough felt very calming and comforting to Shiki.

" I-It's nice…meeting you-ssu" Shiki squeaked out shyly behind Haruna's back cautiously looking at the woman in front of him.

" Very nice meeting you too Shiki-kun. I'm almost surprised Haruna was able to find another friend besides Hayato. Nothing against him really. Hee's a cute little bean sprout but some variety here and there isn't a bad thing once in a while. Still I'm a bit confused, it seems like I missed out on so much that happened in my son's life lately…"

Oh dear if Haruna's mother only knew but just letting the bomb drop like that wouldn't be very wise.
After all Shiki didn't want to be the reason Haruna was fighting with his mother though there probably wouldn't be any way around this sooner or later...

" I'll explain everything later, alright? Why don't you come in? I'll be ready in five minutes I swear"

Shiki only had enough time to grab his backpack before Haruna shoved him into the bathroom, slamming the door behind them shut.

" Mooouu I totally forgot she was coming over!" Haruna sighed as soon as they were alone " Shiki I'm so sorry…"

" It's alrighty-ssu. Your mother seems to be a nice person-ssu. I was just a bit shocked the first few seconds because I didn't expect for your mother to be there-ssu. I just mega hope she doesn't think something is wrong. Better for me to just get dressed and leave so you two can enjoy going shopping-ssu"

" Knowing her I'm pretty sure she won't think anything weird. I mean of course I love my mother buuut I really wanna spend more time with you"

A small chuckle escaped Shiki's lips as Haruna clinged to him like a small child squishing Shiki against his chest.

" But we'll see each other again at tonight's band practice-ssu. Will you be there?"

" Of course I will. I'm a full member of the band now"

Shiki still couldn't believe it actually had happened. Haruna joined the band just like that…although he already had enough to do with university and all of his part time jobs.
He still did it…for Shiki nonetheless and he would be lying if he said that this fact didn't make him happy, enjoying how they both now apparently shared the same dream.
Shiki only hoped that Haruna won't regret his decision sooner or later.

Well Shiki would do his best to support him in any way.
Haruna was such an amazing person and it still felt surreal that someone like this really was Shiki's boyfriend.

It was unbelievable but they actually were a couple now and Shiki felt like the happiest person on earth but honestly sometimes Haruna really was too oblivious for his own good.

Shiki shrieked embarrassed, turning around with a big, red blush as soon as Haruna proceeded to take off his own shirt.

“ What? It's not like you’ve never seen me shirtless before” Haruna had to chuckle amused at Shiki suddenly acting all shy.

God yes Shiki very clearly remembered that hot august day they spent at the beach and him trying very hard to act normal towards seeing Haruna in nothing more than his swimming trunks, not wanting to be too obvious or upset Meiko. Shiki had been hiding in the shade of an umbrella most of the day because he had been sure he would die of overheat if he didn’t and it definitely wouldn't only be partially the sun's fault.

“ W-Well i-it’s totally different now-ssu!” Shiki grumbled annoyed, actually not believing that even back then Haruna had been entirely oblivious to his feelings…or had he?

However there was no reason to dwell on it for any longer because it was in the past and Shiki started to rummage through his backpack to distract himself and not, of course only accidentally, peek at his boyfriend.

Haruna’s mother was waiting for her son and Shiki didn’t want to be the reason why she had to wait any longer.

So Shiki made sure they both would hurry up and get ready, ordering Haruna to turn around and not to look as he was getting changed.
Shiki was sure he would die out of embarrassment if Haruna even got only one glimpse of his naked body.
He definitely wasn't ready for that, not yet anyways.

Not that Shiki worried because he knew that he could trust Haruna and that the other would never just cross a line that Shiki didn't want him too, patiently waiting for Shiki to be ready to make the next step.

Yet he still made sure to get dressed as fast as possible and only ten minutes later they both were ready to move out.

Shiki would just return home and relax before going to the rehearsal.
It sounded like a good idea but he also hated the fact that he had to say goodbye to Haruna even if it only was for a few hours.

As they stood there in front of Haruna's entrance door Shiki was unsure how to behave exactly with Haruna's mother right next to her son and his eyes scanned over his boyfriend seemingly as lost as him.

" Uhm…" Shiki mustered up a small smile, feeling a bit happy about the fact that Haruna was actually wearing the headband Shiki gifted him and that it suited him so well.

Of course the watch Shiki received was tightly fit around his wrist too. He would wear it from today on every day, day after day after day until he grew super old because it was the first gift he ever received from his boyfriend. So it was extra special and precious.

" I guess I see you around-ssu" Shiki said his goodbye, not sounding so happy at all.

He turned on his heels ready to walk away but before Shiki could make a proper step someone grabbed his arm, yanking him back.

" Ah-uh. I don't think so. You are coming with us today."

Shiki was met with a pair of green eyes, just as Haruna's but yet somehow different and he couldn't believe that those words had just come out of Haruna's mother's mouth.

Even Haruna seemed as baffled as him at the sudden suggestion but they both were unable to really argue and Shiki just shyly nodded his head.

What?

~👕~

What was happening?

Shiki had no idea how often he had questioned himself that in the past hour.

Everything seemed so unreal and he wasn't even sure how he ended up in this store but here he was.

On a shopping trip with Haruna and hos mother who seemingly enjoyed herself way too much as she rummaged through the clothing racks picking out different stuff here and there.

" What do you think? Pink or light turquoise?" she asked, holding out two different pullovers.

" How would I know? Is the color that important?" Haruna mumbled, being forced to carry all the clothes his mother had picked out so far.

" Eeeh? Of course it's important! It'll end up looking weird if I choose the wrong one. It's a shame my son has no taste at all. What's Shiki-kuns opinion?"

" Aah? M-my opinion? W-well…I-" Shiki couldn't remember anyone ever asking him for advice on clothes before and he took a good while looking at both pullovers and Haruna's mother. " most mega definitely it's the light turquoise one-ssu. I knowsie you might prefer pink but this kind of pink doesn't fit your skin tone at allsie-ssu. It might look weird in the end-ssu"

The words had left Shiki's mouth faster than he could think and they only ever hit home when he registered the confused stare Haruna's mother gave him and he visibly flinched.

" O-of c-coursie y-you can w-wear whatever you w-want-ssu" he blurted out embarrassed.

Oh God why could he never learn to keep his mouth shut or at least filter his words through his brain before speaking?
Was it really so hard to use more than half of his brain cell for once?

Haruna's mother took another look at the two pullovers in her hand before she nodded approvingly.

" You know what…you are right"

Shiki was baffled at first not sure if he had heard that correctly but a warm hand grabbed his own and he looked up into green eyes.

" You seem to have a good eye for fashion, huh?" Haruna's mother smiled genuinely.

That was Impossible, right?
How come that Haruna and his mother were those kind of nice people you only ever knew from movies?
They both just were too perfect like could such a family even exist?

" Uhm I'd say I have a bit of knowledge 'bout it-ssu. Actually I think I saw a pair of jeans that would fit perfectly with the pullover-ssu."

" Really? Oh I wanna see please show me"

What was happening here?

Haruna could hardly believe it as he was cold-heartedly left behind by his own mother and his boyfriend, both of them searching through different clothing racks together, pulling out piece after piece, discussing whether or not it was a good choice.

Did Shiki and his mother just find their shared passion? Were they like the new fashion best friends now?
How did that happen? In the matter of seconds Haruna was entirely forgotten.

But in the end wasn't it a good thing that they both seemingly got along pretty well?
That was a good start, right?
After all, sooner or later they would need to tell Haruna's mother about their relationship…

Haruna was used to his mother normally respecting and accepting his decisions as long as they weren't hurting himself or anyone…but this here it was something different.

What should he do if his mother wouldn't accept them? If she wasn't supportive?

As Haruna watched those two so peacefully searching through clothes and idylle chatting away, he decided to send a small prayer to the heavens that everything would work out fine in the end.

Some time passed and Haruna's mother finally seemed to have found enough clothes that she wanted to try on and of course Haruna and Shiki both waited in front of the fitting rooms for her to be finished with everything.

" I'm sorry about this…" Haruna whispered quietly, carefully hooking their index fingers together, not wanting to be too obvious but the gesture still earned him a little smile from Shiki.

" Don't be-ssu. Ya knowsie I like shopping…for myself…or other people-ssu. Also your mother is mega nice. Hard to believe she is like twice our age-ssu. She also reminds me a lotsie of you. With a mother like that it's no wonder you turned out to be such a fine gentleman" Shiki had to chuckle being sure that Haruna would come back at him with a snark reply but…

" God…I really wanna kiss you…"

…Well…that was…unexpected and it made Shiki blush a good shade of red.

" Uhm…I mean…your mother's busy and no one's around-ssu. So…" Shiki mumbled shyly, slightly leaning against the other.

Haruna didn't need to be told that twice as he gently put his hand on Shiki's burning hot cheek, forcing the other's head intp his direction.

Shiki really shouldn't feel so embarrassed.
Small bolts of electricity cursed through Shiki's body the second their lips touched and he could swear that his heart forgot how to function accordingly, skipping a few beats before hammering against his chest like madly.

Honestly if he could just do nothing but to kiss Haruna for the rest of his life, Shiki would willingly do so.

Shiki knew that he was crazily in love, quite literally obsessed with Haruna but he didn't mind.

Maybe this was the reason why Shiki wanted for Haruna's mother to like him and he was glad that they seemingly got along well but what would happen if she knew the truth?

Shiki could only hope that some kind of miracle would happen and that he and Haruna could stay together for the rest of their hopefully long lives.
It was everything that Shiki had ever hoped for…

~🛍~

" Are you sure that's not too heavy?" Haruna asked his mother who was carrying at least four bags full of clothes after she was finally finished with her shopping tour

" Naa not at all. I'll be fine. I am a strong woman"

" I'm sorry again that I totally forgot about the shopping and that it was this short-lived…band practice will be soon…but I'll visit you next week, promise"

" Still can't believe my son actually joined a band. That's so totally unlike you" Haruna's mother chuckled delightedly.

" He totally did-ssu! And he's really mega good at it too-ssu" Shiki jumped in on the conversation.

" Is that so? Well I'm glad Haruna found something he can enjoy but I'll definitely take you up on that visit next week. Speaking about it Shiki-kun should come too."

" M-Me?" Shiki asked, confused not sure why Haruna's mother would exactly invite him of all people?

" Yes, of course. Then I can show you all the embarrassing baby pictures of my son. I'm really glad to see that Haruna is doing so well…but Haruna…" Haruna's mother turned around to face her son properly " I don't understand why you would hide such a cute boyfriend just like that."

Haruna sounded like he was choking on nothing while Shiki released a squeak like someone was murdering him and all that followed was a long and awkward silence with Haruna's mother just staring at them.

" So…you know?" Haruna finally mumbled after what seemed like an eternity.

" Of course I know. You are my son. I know how you behave when you are in love, the way you look at that person with such fondness. It's as obvious as broad daylight. Also a guy I don't know opening the door, seemingly having stayed overnight? Very suspicious. Oh also I saw you two kissing while trying on clothes. I mean you couldn't get more obvious than that"

God Shiki felt like he wanted to die out of embarrassment. Haruna's mother knew everything…she saw everything…
His world suddenly felt like it was spinning…

Haruna noticed how Shiki had started to slightly tremble, eyes casted to the ground and Haruna carefully wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling Shiki closer to his body, to reassure him.
The cat was out of the bag now anyways so there was no use in trying to hide anything anymore.

" Mum…before you say anything…please let me.." Haruna needed to make this clear. No matter if she was getting mad or not. He wouldn't give up on Shiki. Not now, not ever.

" Oh…I have a lot to say" his mother just interrupted her own son "Haruna I'm really disappointed in you…"

Shiki knew that this was his fault.
They would fight with each other all because of him. Shiki was the reason their family would be ruined..
He could not let that happen…he needed to do something.

" I'm so-" Shiki wanted to apologize, say something to lighten the mood but Haruna's mother beat him to it.

" How dare you not tell me about this sooner? That's so unfair! I'm your mother, don't I deserve to know about such big events happening in your life?"

This was unlike everything Shiki had ever expected to hear.
That was what she was angry about? Really?

" So…you are not mad?" Haruna questioned.

" Mad? Why would I be mad?" Haruna's mother asked " tell me, Haruna, are you happy?"

" Of course I am! The happiest I've ever been!"

" Then that's all I need to hear. It's all that matters"

Haruna should have known. Of course his mother wouldn't be angry. She's never been a person like that.
Although she had raised him all by herself, struggling a lot from time to time his mother had always been understanding and caring and maybe Haruna inherited exactly that from her.

" Thank you mom, really…you see Shiki everything's alright…eh Shiki?" Haruna might have expected that his boyfriend would be at a loss for words but he wasn't prepared for Shiki to stand there frozen to the spot with big silent droplets of tears rolling down his cheeks.

" Oh…oh my…" Haruna's mother seemed to be surprised at first but her voice shook Shiki out of his unmoving state.

" Ah…sorry-ssu" he hiccuped trying his hardest to rub those annoying tears away.

Haruna's mother gently smiled, apparently already having a good idea about the things Shiki might have gone through, everything he had worried about and for the moment she let her shopping bags drop to the ground.

" Sorry? What for?" she asked, her voice quiet and soothing, as she took Shiki's hands in her own " If anything I have to thank you. Thank you Shiki-kun for making my son happy"

" Mrs. Wakazato-ssu…"

" Eh, calling me just Kaori is fine too, you know? I definitely want you both to come over for dinner next week, alright? I'm also very happy because all of this means that I have two beautiful sons now and I want to celebrate that with both of you"

Shiki didn't know what to say or how to feel.
Confused? Happy? Shocked? Relieved?

How could it be that a family like Haruna and his mother existed and that they just accepted him so willingly?
Did Shiki really deserve such happiness?

He had no answer but he didn't hesitate to hug back when Haruna's mother pulled him into her chest and he cried like a little child.

Haruna released the breath he'd been holding in and exchanged a look with his mother before they both smiled and Haruna just joined in on the hug, burying his nose in Shiki's hair with a relieved sight.
From now on everything will be just fine…

~🎸~

One week went by too fast and before Haruna knew it there was only one day left until their big live.

It was their last day of practice and they all had given their best so far.
Especially Shiki who had gone beyond himself, seemingly more hyped up than ever after the encounter with Haruna's mother.

Haruna couldn't remember ever seeing anyone so excited but yet so nervous before as he watched his other bandmates from behind his drums.

Jun and Hayato were heatly discussing tomorrow and the performance.
Natsuki seemed to be very calm about everything but Haruna already knew him well enough to know that he probably still was as nervous as everyone else.

It's been an eventful week with all the practice but although Haruna hated being busy all the time somehow this right here was different and he didn't mind at all.

Being together with everyone and playing music…it was fun.
Something Haruna would have never expected and maybe being in a band, reaching for a certain goal together with everyone, it wasn't so bad at all.

Even playing the drums was enjoyable and Haruna wanted to learn so much more with the help of Jun.

A small smile graced over his lips as he twirled the drumstick in his hand.
Besides everything seeming so hectic…it still felt kind of…peaceful.

" Harunaaacchiii" Shiki's whining voice registered in his brain and before he had the chance to even look up, said person graciously flopped into his lap.
Well so much for being peaceful.

Haruna was glad he had decided to move away from the drumset during their small break or else Shiki would probably have stumbled over the whole thing without even caring.

His boyfriend could be a real klutz sometimes but Haruna still found that to be one of Shiki's cute points unlike the three broken plates in his kitchen that now had to put away their existence in the trash.

" Juncchi is SO mean! Save me-ssu!"

Haruna just snorted amused, his arms almost instinctively wrapping around Shiki's small body.

" Is that so?" Haruna questioned before his head moved to look at Jun "please Jun I'd prefer if you leave Shiki alone for now" he said with a mocking undertone earning him an eye roll from Jun.

" There you have it-ssu" Shiki said, sticking his tongue out towards Jun.

The latter seemed to be very ready to lash out at him and only got stopped by Natsuki wrapping his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly from behind.

Shiki had gotten a lot more cheeky and bolder ever since Haruna had joined the band going as far as to having a face off with Jun who was more annoyed than ever.

" Thanksie Harunacchi-ssu! You totally saved me. I love you mega max-ssu"

" What? Impossible because I love you even more mega max" Haruna answered with a giggle.

" Nooo I love you giga terra mega max more-ssu!"

" It feels like…this room…has gotten so…much more…lively lately…" Natsuki noted quietly, nuzzling his nose into Jun's hair with a content sight.

" Annoyingly so…" Jun rolled his eyes again watching how Shiki and Haruna discussed who loves who more and sharing little kisses here and there.

Hayato on the other hand looked at the scene with a small but bittersweet smile.
Of course he was happy for his friends and all that stuff but then again being surrounded by couples felt kind of lonely.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and Hayato was sure it must have been a message from Takeru.
After all, they've been spending an awful lot of time together lately because being with Takeru was better than watching Haruna and Shiki acting all lovey dovey.

Yes, it was a good thing that they both were happy but like mentioned before it came with a bittersweet aftertaste for Hayato.

Even if his feelings had changed over time and he found a new love interest the memories were still there and they still hurt.

Hayato had done his best to be supportive, urging them both to be honest with their feelings and now?
He was just the same. Not able to speak out loud what he truly was feeling inside…

Takeru would be there tomorrow too in the crowd and he would watch Hayato perform and that alone somehow made Hayato even more nervous than anything else.
Like could he really be cool enough? Was he someone worth to be looked at?

" Hayatocchi!"

Shiki's shrill voice and the arms wrapping around his neck almost strangling him shook Hayato right out of his thoughts.

" Let's get donuts together-ssu!"

" Naa, pass. I'm busy today" Hayato simply answered, wiggling himself out of Shiki's grasp because even without seeing it, he was sure Haruna was shooting him a nasty look again. He always did that whenever Shiki came too close.

Like Hayato was sure Haruna knew that actually there was nothing but friendship between him and Shiki anymore and his frightening stare only happened unintentionally but it still gave Hayato the shivers every time and he didn't want for their relationship to get weird so he did his best to ignore Shiki's whining and rather concentrate on the gaming session he had planned for tonight…

~🥁~

" Honestly I feel like I might die-ssu"

" That still doesn't give you the right to squeeze me like that" Jun huffed annoyed trying to shove Shiki off himself.

" Just gotta stay focused and do what we always do. Even if we don't win the competition I'm sure people will remember us" Hayato said as he was flaming with determination " we'll end this year with a blast"

" Just as Hayatocchi says-ssu! I'm so mega hyped up-ssu!" Shiki all but screamed into Jun's ear jumping around like a bouncing ball.

Haruna would have laughed but now that they really were here the whole situation just dawned on him.
He would be right on the stage in a few minutes, a whole bunch of people watching him and if he slipped up even once…oh my god…

" Are you…nervous?" Natsuki besides him asked.

" Would be lying if I said I wasn't. How can you stay so calm?" Haruna gave the other a sideway glance.

" I assure you…I'm not…calm…at all. No matter how…often you perform…that nervousness will never…really go…away. But Haruna…you worked…so hard…and improved so much…I'm sure it…will be fine. The most important thing is…to have fun…and enjoy it…"

Haruna had to giggle at that. It sounded like something Shiki would definitely say. Speaking about his boyfriend…more than nervous…somehow Haruna also felt kind of excited because after all he would be on the stage together with Shiki and in the end that was all that counted.

Besides that Haruna was also still able to somewhat hide behind his drums while the others were out there right on the front.

Haruna smiled when Shiki bounced right into his arms with a shrill sound of “Harunacchi-ssu!” that made Jun groan audibly but for Haruna it sounded like music.

“ Let’s do our best together-ssu!”

Right, Haruna didn’t need to do this alone…and only that helped him with finding an inner calmness.

He would definitely do his best out there.

Chapter Text

The light on the stage was bright and much warmer than Haruna had expected, it was hot and blinding even when he was seated behind his drums.

The crowd seemed to be just one big mass but Haruna knew that somewhere in there, all their friends and his mother were cheering them on so he would do his best.
Although he felt nervous and had no idea what to do.
He should just play like he always did at the rehearsals, hoping that it would be good enough.
Making a mistake wasn't an option because if he slipped up then the whole band would too.
Talking about a lot of pressure…

Shiki’s voice echoed in his ears, cheerful and bright, right that was his cue to begin. There was no turning back now and Haruna gripped his drumsticks tighter.
Just do it like always…

From the moment he played the first beat it seemed like time flew past him without noticing.

Haruna had no construct of anything around him anymore.
The only thing in his head was the music, the cheering and Shiki's voice as he concentrated on his drums and although he was seated it felt dazzling, like floating.
Yes, it was bright and hot but being up here together with everyone was so much fun.

Even though it was strenuous and he hadn't sweated like this in a long time, it still felt like a magical moment.

Haruna decided that he wanted to do this, he wanted to experience exactly that feeling for the rest of his life…together with everyone…

~🎆~

" What a bummer-ssu…" Shiki whined.

The performances of every band were over and the winners were announced.

" It doesn't matter. You all did very well tonight. We'll just win it next year" Jun nodded his head in appreciation.

" Juncchi…" Shiki sniffled, tackling the other in a hug while crying his heart out and Hayato, of course, followed soon after because even if he tried to act cool he still was a big crybaby.

Jun's face looked like he wanted to murder someone, trying to shake his friends off but Natsuki, at that moment, decided that maybe a group hug wasn't such a bad idea at all.

Honestly such a lively bunch of people.
Although Haruna should feel exhausted somehow he couldn't hold back the buzzing euphoria that cursed through his body.

Everything had ended so fast Haruna couldn't believe it was over already.
It had felt only like the blink of an eye with nothing in his head besides the music, Shiki's voice and his own drums playing.

Jun whined even more annoyed when Haruna decided to join in on the group hugging fun but in the end he released a long breath, visibly relaxing.

" Haruna-san you did very well tonight although it was your first live performance. I must say I'm genuinely surprised. You are a quick learner after all."

" Harunacchi has been super mega amazing-ssu!" Shiki squeaked euphorically, turning around so he could hug his own boyfriend.

It was hot and they both were sweaty but Shiki didn't mind it at all.
If anything this condition only made Haruna's calming scent more noticeable and Shiki liked exactly that.

After all the excitement of the live concert, it was the best way to calm down.
Inside of his head there was a mess, always a chaos.
Shiki's thoughts were all over the place more often than he liked but one hug from Haruna and suddenly there was silence.

Maybe it was the reason why Shiki found himself staying over at his boyfriend's place more often these days.
His mind just felt at ease being so close to Haruna, like he could breathe and sleep more easily.

It was egoistic in a way but Shiki was sure that Haruna would understand.
His boyfriend was always supportive and gentle.
Shiki was truly blessed to have Haruna around.

" I love you-ssu" Shiki murmured so quietly only Haruna was able to hear but before the other could answer they were interrupted by a different, new voice.

" Excuse me. HighxJoker, right?"

" Yes…that's our band's name" Hayato answered, moving away from hugging Jun and taking a few steps closer to the mysterious man.

Shiki had never seen someone like that before.
He was dressed in a suit, with long hair, tied into a ponytail.
What could a guy like this probably want from them?

"It's nice meeting you. I'm a producer working at 315 Production. We are a relatively new company and scouting all kinds of different talents right now. The president really liked your band's performance. So we’d be honored if you’d visit us next month for another audition.”

There was absolute silence with everyone just staring at the business card the man was holding out towards Hayato.

“ U-us? R-Really?” Hayato shrieked out seemingly not sure if he was dreaming or not.

“ I’d be glad if you accept”

“ O-of course! We’ll be there! We’ll definitely be there!” Hayato hastily answered, taking the card out of the man’s hand almost too hectically.

The Producer smiled at the young man before his attention was grabbed by another group of three young guys walking by and he vanished without another word.

Speechless, was a good way to describe the current situation.
Hayato was just standing there, clutching the card with both his hands tightly, still not sure if that really just happened.
Even Jun seemed to be out of worfs for once in his life.

Shiki was the first one to find his voice again.

" Oh my gosh! That's so cool! Hyper exciting-ssu!" he jumped around Hayato like a bouncing ball out of control before hugging the other tight and squishing their cheeks together.

" It's amazing. Such a huge opportunity. We gotta prepare thoroughly" Jun noted still in disbelief.

" But Juncchi we just finished the concert-ssu! Let's take a break for once and celebrate-ssu"

" That's right. Let's freshen up and go out for a bit. I'm sure everyone's waiting" Haruna nodded in agreement.

" I guess that's okay for tonight" Jun mumbled more to himself than anyone "but then we'll need to start practicing again. I'll make plans right away."

Hayato smiled all brightly, looking at the card in his hand.
They made it…they really made it…
He never felt so proud of himself before.
Wait until he tells Takeru about this…

~🎆~

Shiki thought that he might have never felt this hyped up in his whole life as he looked in the mirror of the small bathroom.
A little bit of freshening up before rejoining with the others because honestly he didn't want to look like a mess.

They've decided to visit this small restaurant with good foods and drinks to celebrate before the year ends for real.

Shiki looked at the Kumacchi watch around his wrist.
He's basically been wearing it everyday, only ever taking it off for showering or sleeping.
Well there were still a few hours left until midnight.

A new year together with Haruna. God, Shiki was already so excited for it because there was no better way to end this old year than being right in his boyfriend's arms.

Shiki checked himself over in the mirror once again adjusting the small cat hair clips he had received from Haruna's mother after the concert.

She had been so proud of them both, hugging them tightly and decided those hair clips would fit Shiki way better as she took them out of her own hair to place them in Shiki's instead.

It still baffled Shiki that Haruna's mother was this nice and supportive but in the end it explained why Haruna turned out to be such a perfect human being.

Shiki wondered if his boyfriend did even realize how lucky he was to be blessed with such a parent.
He couldn't remember when the last time was he properly talked to his own mother or even saw her…and being this close with Haruna's mother it made him realize how much he missed it…

In the end Shiki decided not to dwell on this for too long and rejoin Haruna and the others for some good food and drinks because they definitely deserved that after their successful live performance.

Upon exiting the bathroom Shiki very quickly caught sight of everyone already sitting around one of the tables but his boyfriend…well he wasn't there.

Shiki spotted him near the restaurant's bar probably wanting to get some drinks for everyone but of course it was always the same..like had Shiki really expected anything different?

Haruna couldn't be left alone or get separated from the rest of the group without getting chatted up by some random girl.

Shiki literally couldn't even turn around without it happening and he was very glad his eyes weren't able to shoot pink lasers like Superhero Kumacchis did or else his boyfriend and that girl would be a mere pile of ashes by now.

From this distance Shiki wasn't able to hear what they were talking about but he sure as hell hoped Haruna at least was able to see that angry pout on his face.

Shiki knew that he had nothing to worry about but it still irked him, how casually they just talked with each other and how Haruna didn't seem uncomfortable at all.

Yet Shiki tried not to act out of impulse, standing still although the tips of his fingers were prickling like he wanted to do something, claiming what was his and knowing all too well that Haruna didn't mind it.

Shiki had become pretty good at holding himself back and not doing anything stupid out of nowhere…well that was until the girl tried to touch his boyfriend.

He'd never been blessed with a lot of stamina but at that moment it took Shiki approximately 0.2 seconds to zoom into the scene, stumble graciously halfway and fall right into his boyfriend's arms with a shriek of "Harunacchi!".
The action not only startled Shiki himself but also that girl.

Luckily Haruna wasn't fazed at all, always expecting the unexpected ever since dating Shiki and just as graciously as Shiki fell into his arms he managed to catch him, tightly wrapping an arm around his boyfriend's waist.

" Well hello there beautiful"

Haruna definitely enjoyed how Shiki looked at him with turquoise eyes as big as plates and a flaming red blush to match.

" S-shut up-ssu" Shiki tried to sound angry but it was hard not getting lost in those deep green eyes and charming smile.

He felt so stupid for the way his heart suddenly beat out of rhythm.
Such an insignificant action shouldn't make him feel like that but when it was Haruna…Shiki couldn't help it.

Shiki would have stared into those eyes like a frightened deer for all the hours to come if it wasn't for someone very audibly clearing their throat.

That's right Shiki had almost forgotten the reason why he had stumbled so majestically into his boyfriend's arms and as soon as he remembered his whole face darkened and he let out a quiet but annoyed huff.

" Excuse me but we were in the middle of talking"

Shiki wished, like really badly, that looks could kill someone because he was sure that this girl would drop dead with the angry gaze he was shooting at her.

" And so what? Who cares-ssu" he said with a cocky undertone in his voice.
Shiki wouldn't back down.
He made that mistake once and he swore to never let it happen again.

Shiki didn't see Haruna's reaction as he had turned to face his obvious enemy but he was sure that the other must be shocked considering the way his whole body stiffened.

" What? How rude. Who do you think you are?" the girl huffed angrily but then decided to turn her attention back towards Haruna " hey let's get out of here. Don't mind him"

For Shiki things were happening in slow motion though it must have been a matter of milliseconds.
His eyes only registered her hand reaching out to try and touch his boyfriend's arm.
Oh no, she wouldn't!

In the short amount of time Shiki's brain hadn't enough time to think about a decent plan and instead he reacted completely on impulse.

He swiftly turned around in Haruna's arms, pushing his boyfriend a step back and crashed their lips together almost too violently.

Haruna surely was surprised by the action at first but he soon enough relaxed, kissing back gently.

Shiki didn't know for how long they kissed. Seconds or minutes but as soon as they separated, Haruna was staring at him with wide eyes, seemingly confused at the sudden show of affection.

His boyfriend wasn't the only one though and Shiki would be lying if he'd say he didn't enjoy that shocked and somewhat embarrassed look on that girl's face like she just witnessed something unbelievable.

Shiki looked at her all triumphantly, cheekily sticking out his tongue, which resulted in her releasing an indignant huff and turning around to walk away but not without showing him her middle finger.

Yeah better for her to sod off and leave them alone. Shiki watched with sharp eyes how she trotted off and he hissed like a cat being very sure that if he'd been a real one his ears would definitely have been drawn back and tail all puffed out.

Shiki kept in fighting mode only getting ripped out of it when he was hugged tightly from behind.

The amused sounding voice of his boyfriend reached his ear.

" Honestly what was that about?"

It was only now that Shiki started to realize what had just happened.
Did he really go ahead and let his jealousy get the best of him almost starting a fight with some random girl?
Had he really kissed Haruna in front of all those people?
Oh God everyone must've been staring at them…

" I-I'm sorry-ssu" Shiki whispered, turning around in the embrace so he could hide his face against Haruna's chest.
This was truly so mortifying. How could he be so stupid?

" Were you a jelly little bean again?"

Shiki couldn't understand why Haruna sounded so amused by this.

" I just…don't like…people…touching what's minesie-ssu…" Shiki mumbled into the other's chest.

He expected for Haruna to scold him or be mad but nothing of the sort happened.
Instead there was a fleeting kiss placed on his forehead, leaving Shiki entirely confused.

" You are so cute. If you always get jealous like that, I might end up being too happy, you know?"

What? Did Shiki hear that correctly? Haruna was…happy?
He blinked slowly…one time, two times before a little euphoric smile appeared on his lips.

" Righty-ssu. Man, that made me really hungry. I wanna eat like a ton of Yakiniku-ssu!"

" Of course. Let me just get the drinks and then rejoin the others"

Shiki purred appreciatively when Haruna's hand patted over his head.

“ Do you always have to make such a ruckus?” Jun scolded his two friends as soon as they had joined them at the table.

“ It’s not my faultsie-ssu”

“ Well I’ll let it slide” Jun sighted “ but only because you did good today”

“ That’s right. We have a lot to celebrate! Can you believe it? A real audition! It’s the start of something big! I’m feeling it!” Hayato was full of joy and flaming with determination.

Shiki knew that this band meant the whole world to his best friend and honestly for him it was the same.

Not only were they his best friends but also like his family and Shiki would always do his best for them.
Being together with everyone was so much fun, clinking glasses, celebrating their success, talking, eating good stuff and being close to the person Shiki loved the most.

If anyone asked Shiki things could go on just like this forever and they definitely should do stuff like that all the time.

Hours always seemed to fly past Shiki whenever they were having fun together and he’d been eating and drinking a lot, cuddling up to Haruna and listening to the other’s conversations just so he could barge in at the worst possible moment, mouth stuffed full with food.

“ Jeez, can't you at least show some moderation?” Jun scolded him rolling his eyes but all Shiki did was to shake his head clinging to Haruna like he wanted to say “Protect me” because he knew that surely Jun wasn’t up for starting another discussion with Haruna.

Hayato giggled amused while looking at his phone.

“ I guess tonight it’s okay to go overboard. After all there’s not a lot of time left before the new year starts”

That was true. The watch around Shiki’s wrist already showed that it was 22:30.

“ Uugghh I definitely wanna have a new year’s kiss-ssu!” Shiki whined suddenly, resting his head against the table with a sight.

“ Oi don’t pretend like I’m not here” Haruna sounded amused, putting a hand on Shiki’s back and gently stroking over it.

That resulted in Shiki releasing a content sight before lifting himself up to wrap his arms around Haruna’s neck.

“ But I wanna have lots of kisseses and cuddles-ssu”

“ Oh I’m sure we’ll make that work…” Haruna confidently answered, smothering Shiki’s whole face with kisses.

“ Man, get a room you two” Hayato rolled his eyes at his two friends being head over heels for each other “ honestly I’m glad Takeru is coming to pick me up soon because ain't no one want to see that”

“ Oooh so that’s what Hayatocchi has planned-ssu”

“ Well of course. There’s no better way to spend New Year's than playing video games!”

“ Pffft mega giga booorrriiiinng-ssu! But I guess when you and your boyfriend are both nerds it's kinda fitting…”

Hayato almost choked on his drink, as a dark red blush was creeping onto his face.

“ He-He-He’s n-not…T-Takeru…is not…oi what do you mean nerd?”

“ Eeeeh really? And here I thought Hayatocchi was going to finally confess this new year’s eve-ssu”

“ Ugh…i-it’s n-not like…I didn’t think…a-about it..b-but…it’s not t-that easy…” Hayato mumbled shyly.

“ Whaaat? After you kept nagging me about being honest and confessing to Harunacchi all the time. Hayatocchi I’m giga shocked-ssu”

It definitely wasn’t news to anyone here at the table that Hayato was crushing on Takeru pretty hard but Shiki found it unbelievable that his best friend, although seeming to be so confident talking about feelings, suddenly was so shy when it came to being honest with his own.

As if Takeru had heard them, it was at this moment that the blue haired boy decided to show up at the entrance of the restaurant.
His eyes looking around probably in search of Hayato, said guy just seemingly melting into his own chair as he caught sight of the other.

“ Now, now Hayatocchi. That’s your chance-ssu!” Shiki said with full determination before lowering his voice
“ don’t forget you always told me to confess to Harunacchi and be honest and now see where that got me. If you don't do it now you might end up regretting it-ssu”

There was long silence and Hayato’s brain seemed to be trying very hard to think of what he should or should not do now.

“ You know what Shiki…you are right” Hayato suddenly declared out of nowhere and he downed the rest of his drink in one big gulp, releasing a refreshed sight before standing up.

“ Woah, woah, woah here we go” Shiki whispered watching how his best friend walked over to Takeru.

Shiki had expected that Hayato would wait until both of them were somewhere more private but everything turned out entirely different.

Takeru lifted his hand, probably to say “Hi” but the words never made it out of his mouth because Hayato crashed their lips together as soon as he was close enough.

Now it was Shiki’s turn to choke on his drink while he could hear Haruna’s surprised “ Heeee?” and Jun’s indigent huff. Even Natsuki released a small shocked squeal but the one that must have been shocked the most was definitely Takeru himself.

After they separated he was staring at Hayato with the biggest eyes Shiki had ever seen someone make and a blush so bright it was even visible from afar.

Hayato started to say something and although none of them could hear what it was they all held their breaths simultaneously because the thick air of nervousness was just unbearable right now.

It took some time but then finally Takeru nodded his head saying something back and Hayato practically jumped into the other’s arms with what seemed to be an excited and relieved squeal before they both left the place smiling and hand in hand.

“ Seems like…we don’t…have to worry…at all…” Natsuki stated after all of them started to breathe normally again the tension finally evaporated into thin air.

“ You can bet on it” Haruna chuckled.

“ Great another couple of annoying lovebirds” Jun sighed displeased, rolling his eyes.

“ But it’s alright-ssu. This is hyper wonderful-ssu. I think it’s nice…if there’s a lot of happy people around-ssu” Shiki smiled, his sparkling turquoise eyes settling onto Haruna who looked at him just as brightly, lovingly putting a hand on his cheek.

“ Totally true. Ne, let’s get out of here too. Actually there’s another place I wanted to visit”

“ I’d love to come with you-ssu” Shiki willingly agreed.

“ I’m in on that. We’ve been spending enough time here and I don’t want this year ending with us sitting in some random restaurant” Jun joined in, lightly grabbing Natsuki's hand “you are excused for tomorrow but the day after that I’ll see you both at practice again. We gotta work a lot if we want to make a good impression at the audition”

“ But we’ve already been working so mega hard max-ssu!” Shiki instantly whined “ Juncchi you are so strict! So mean-ssu!"

Haruna giggled at his boyfriend acting like a little child again.
Shiki would always complain about having so much to do but in the end he would still work very hard and seriously.
Haruna truly admired him for that and he tried his best to console poor Shiki by pressing him close to his chest and somehow he noticed how the other instantly seemed to be breathing a lot calmer…

~🌠~

If you had told Shiki about all of this a few months ago, he wouldn’t have believed it.

A miracle…it was truly a miracle how his whole life had changed in such a short amount of time.

Not so long ago Shiki had believed that he would just continue living the way he had always done for years.
Hiding who he really was, alone and without any bigger purpose in life.

Who would have thought that Shiki would end up being the main vocalist of a young aspiring band, finding friends that accepted him for who he was, actually enjoying spending time with him and not only that.
He also found the most amazing person in the universe after he had already given up on love but here he was.

It sounded too unbelievable to be true and sometimes Shiki was still convinced that he must be dreaming because how could anyone get this lucky in life?

Of course Shiki knew all of this might have never happened if it wasn’t for that one fateful encounter back in spring and he thanked all those higher powers everyday for making something like this happen.

Honestly for the first time in his life Shiki felt like he had found the place he belonged too and he smiled all giddy, squeezing the hand that was holding his own tighter, diverting Haruna’s attention towards him.

“ Everything okay with you?”

“ Uhm. I was just thinking…I’ve never been to this park before. It’s huge-ssu”

“ Yeah I just came across it recently when searching for good dating spots online”

“ Ewww Harunacchi you hopeless romantic-ssu. So cheesy” Shiki couldn’t help but to tease.

“ Don’t pretend as if you don’t like it” Haruna answered with an amused snort
“ honestly I wasn’t really sure if it’s a good idea because I figured you might want to watch a fireworks show but…”

“ Nopsie it’s absolutely perfect-ssu. I’d rather be here together with you than at those crowded places with lots of people. It’s so peaceful-ssu”

Shiki could understand why this was supposed to be a good dating spot.
It was a beautiful place even in winter and there was still snow on the ground covering everything in a small layer of white.

Shiki definitely loved it here and he loved that it mainly was the two of them with the occasional people crossing their path here and there.

" You know there is this pond in the middle of the park with a bridge running over it. I wanted to see that with my own eyes"

" Oh I wanna see it too-ssu! I wanna see it-ssu!"

Haruna loved how excited Shiki got even about such trivial things.

" Okay…but…" Haruna took a long pause, grinning mischievously and enjoying how Shiki looked at him all confused before he continued his sentence " last one there has to pay the next dinner!"

Shiki's brain needed a few seconds to realize what happened and that Haruna had just started to run away leaving him behind.

" Harunacchi!" Shiki shrieked in utter shock and his feet started to move on their own " wait Harunacchi!"

" Nope try to catch up and get me if you can!"

What was this all of a sudden?
Like how old were they? Racing against each other like grade schoolers.
Everyone seeing them must definitely think they've lost it but Shiki couldn't care less.

He hated running for sure and he already was feeling the upcoming stinging in his side and the way his heartbeat quickened, making his breathing irregularly but…it also felt so relieving.

Like there was nothing to worry about.
The physical activity made all of Shiki's thoughts disappear for the moment and he was only concentrating on keeping up with Haruna.

Of course Shiki had never stood any chance against his boyfriend.
He's never been blessed with a lot of stamina plus Haruna's legs definitely were longer.

It was no surprise that Haruna arrived on the bridge first, behaving like he didn't just run half a marathon or at least that's what it felt like for Shiki.

Shiki soon followed after his boyfriend but he felt more like he would be dying soon with the way his whole side hurt and he gripped the bridge's railing tightly for support because if he didn't Shiki was sure he might just have fainted from exhaustion.

" Heh, seems like I won"

It took Shiki a solid five minutes to get his breathing to a level, to be able to speak and answer something again.

" Ha…runa…cchi…so unfair…ssu. Ye know…I ne..va stood…a chance-ssu" he puffed out in short breaths.

" Hmm maybe…still looking forward to that dinner"

Shiki tried to pout angrily but for Haruna it just looked unbearably cute like a small angry kitten.

" Harunacchi…you idiot-ssu" Shiki complained but he relaxed pretty soon when Haruna hugged him tightly, though he still tried his best to look angry.

" Awww don't hate me" Haruna said with an amused giggle.

" Welp…you are forgiven…but only once and only because this place is beautiful-ssu" Shiki answered with a smile looking at their reflection in the water.

" Thank God I would've hated to go into the new year with you being mad at me"

" Lucky you made it just in time" Shiki looked at his wristwatch " there's just three minutes left-ssu. It's been such an mega exciting year and soo mega many things changed-ssu"

" I think it's been the best year because I was able to meet you"

Maybe that was just Haruna's imagination but Shiki pressed closer into his chest and Haruna smiled involuntarily.

" Mega same-ssu" Shiki mumbled " I'm gladsie the agency messed up this one time-ssu"

" And I'm glad Hayato persuaded me to try this agency out. One day we should really thank him for that"

" Heeh you know somehow this sounds like the plot of an icky soap opera-ssu"

Haruna had to grin at that.

" Then luckily this soap opera is a real one, huh?"

Shiki nodded his head.
Even if it was a dream, he never wanted to wake up again.
Right now everything in his life seemed so perfect that it actually made him feel a bit afraid from time to time.
Could Shiki really be that happy and content?
What if he wasn’t careful enough…what if things were going to slip right out of his hands because he messed something up?

No, Shiki wouldn’t let that happen. Not again. He promised to himself that this time he would fight for what was important to him, for the people who were important to him.
His hands clenched tighter into Haruna’s coat.
Yes, that was something like his own resolution for this coming year.

“ Are you really feeling alright?” Haruna’s gentle voice registered in his ear and Shiki looked up into confused but beautiful green eyes.

" Course I am-ssu. I'm just excited what the new year will bring-ssu"

" Welp if we pass the audition then it definitely will bring lots of work. Will you be able to handle that and your job?"

" Oh about that…I was thinking of quitting the Rental Boyfriend agency-ssu" Shiki shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't something special. " I'm pretty sure I can find something else, maybe that little cafe I used to work at-ssu."

" What? I mean…it's your decision but why so suddenly?" Haruna was confused, always thinking that Shiki actually enjoyed working at his current job.

" Uhm you see…it isn't the first time I thought about it…but I…I really want to give my all for the band-ssu. I want HighxJoker to succeed. Everyday together with everyone is so much funsies-ssu. So I wanna work extra hard and now we are this close to a real breakthrough-ssu. I really, really, realsie love HighxJoker. It's the mega best-ssu! So I'll do everything to make this dream…our dream come true-ssu!" Shiki declared determined but then all of a sudden he grinned cheekily " also it seems like Harunacchi is getting very jealous everytime I go out with girls-ssu"

Haruna's whole body suddenly jerked to attention upon hearing this.

" Wha-? I absolutely don't…" but his reaction and bright red blush were definitely giving Haruna away. There was no reason to deny it.
" urgh…fine…maybe…only maybe…a teensie tiny little bit…" Haruna grumbled.

" Eeeh, so Harunacchi actually gets jealous too?"

" Course I do…is it so wrong to want you all for myself?" Haruna always did his best to be kind and considerate with everyone but when they came too close to his boyfriend it was hard not to be bothered
" I've been hurting you so much…it's still haunting me day after day…I want you to be happy…I love you so much…so if I ever do anything that upsets you…OUCH!"

Haruna couldn't believe it.
Did Shiki just pinched his cheeks, interrupting his heartfelt speech?

" Shut up stupid Harunacchi-ssu" Shiki almost hissed out, looking at the other with a pout and Haruna wanted to argue back but then his boyfriend put his hands on both his cheeks, making Haruna hold his breath.

" You are talking weird nonsense-ssu. I thought Harunacchi already knows that I want to be his and I'm so, so mega happy you are actually getting jealous because of me-ssu. You know I decided for myself that I want to live in the present…so don't ever think about what happened before…because right at this moment…I think I am the mega happiest person on this planet and it's all because of you-ssu. Oh also just for the record…I love you too. Mega, giga, terra too-ssu."

Haruna released the breath he was holding looking at Shiki and his cute pouting face with the even cuter red blush on his cheeks.

That came out of nowhere and for the first few seconds Haruna felt like he'd been hit by a truck but then he smiled gently and warmly.

The kind of smile which made Shiki's stomach flutter, heart pound and knee's feel so weak, he was afraid he might forget how to stand.

Shiki really was a fool in love and the last of his thoughts flew out his brain as soon as their lips met, only being able to concentrate on how amazing it felt and he wished they could stay in the moment forever.

They only ever separated when the noises of fireworks blowing off reached their ears and Shiki looked at the display of colors reflecting on the surface of the water before his eyes moved up.

" What? Noooo!! I totally missed doing the countdown-ssu!" he shrieked out with a horrifying look onto his wristwatch.

It took Haruna a second to catch up but soon enough he bursted out into laughter.

" Really? That's what you are worried about?"

" Harunacchi you idiot-ssu! You don't understand how important it is! So mean-ssu!" Shiki complained in frustration, his small fists hitting against the other's chest " now I have to wait another 365 days to do it again-ssu!"

" Guess we'll just wait together then" Haruna giggled, taking his boyfriend's hands into his own " that means Happy New Year darling"

Shiki was left with no time to be embarrassed about the pet name when Haruna kissed him again.
This time more fierce, passionate and deeper.
Shiki was glad that Haruna decided to hug him tight or else this time his legs might have given out for real and he tried to remember how to breathe.

It was those kinds of kisses that made his skin prickle and stomach feel hot like melting, turning his brain into a complete mess.

Such a thing it should be scary, losing yourself entirely in someone else but when it was Haruna Shiki didn't mind at all.
He loved and trusted his boyfriend blindly and if anything this felt so right and so good Shiki only wanted more of it.
Feeling those electric bolts cursing through his body.

He was left breathless, like he could barely handle feeling this much bliss all at once and of course Haruna noticed. He always did and it made his own body feeling like it was flooded with a pleasant warmth.

" I wanna go home-ssu" Shiki whined in a hush whisper as soon as they both left each other enough space to breathe.

There was no way Haruna could say no to such an offer because in the end he was only a simple man and he nodded his head gently.

" Of course…all you want…" he whispered warmly into the other's ear, making Shiki shiver involuntarily, smiling at the fact that his boyfriend actually seemed to already consider Haruna's apartment his home.

Honestly if Shiki was the happiest person on earth then Haruna must have truly been blessed.
Looking into those deep turquoise eyes, seeing the reflection of fireworks in them, Haruna thought that he definitely would do anything to keep this guy at his side forever…

~☀️~

The next day came soon. Almost too soon for Haruna's liking as he slowly blinked his green eyes open.

The room was dimly lit and he wondered what the actual time was.
If anything Haruna would have enjoyed staying in bed forever and a smile grazed over his lips as he looked at Shiki still sleeping all snuggled up close to him and contently using his arm as a pillow.

They've been staying up way too late, the memories of yesterday night making Haruna feel all giddy and warm inside.

Shiki was sleeping so peacefully, Haruna decided that it was okay to let him stay like this for a bit longer.

Meanwhile he could prepare some breakfast, check over his mail and that stuff.

Haruna managed to carefully free his arm from underneath Shiki's head, switching it out with a pillow instead.
His boyfriend only released a whine of dissatisfaction before he snuggled into the pillow.

It was amazing how Shiki managed to sleep so deeply that he probably wouldn't even notice a bomb exploding next to him.

Haruna lifted himself up and off the bed, turning around once more only to place a gentle kiss on Shiki's forehead before searching for a new shirt and some sweatpants to wear.

He should look into his mailbox first and then prepare food before waking Shiki up so he quietly made his way into the kitchen, closing the door slowly behind him.

Turning on the light in the corridor-like room, Haruna went straight to the small entrance area to put on some shoes, leaving his apartment to check his mailbox outside in the hall.

It was still very quiet and Haruna assumed that most of his neighbors must still be asleep as well.
Probably because the majority of them were around Haruna's age and university students too but unlike them, Haruna really wasn't the type for "party hard".
Why should he be when instead he could spend the night cuddling and kissing the most beautiful boy in the universe?
Sounded so much better than any alcohol, dancing, loud music and all that stuff.

Haruna opened his own mailbox while humming happily.
Of course there was a lot of advertisement papers, unnecessary stuff and Haruna decided that one of his new year's resolutions should definitely be to empty his mailbox more frequently, but then there was something else.

A letter, which was rare since Haruna seldomly received those and if he did it mostly were bills for gas or electricity.
He looked at the address of the one who sent this letter to him.
Wait that couldn't be? Could it be?

Haruna had never before ripped open a letter as fast as this, taking out the neatly folded paper and unfolding it in only mere seconds.

It took him some time to read over every word carefully to make sure he was able to correctly understand but with every new sentence his eyes grew wider.

Could this really be true?

Chapter Text

" Harunacchi? Oi, Harunacchi?"

Haruna only ever reacted when Shiki snapped his fingers right in front of the other's face.

" Ah? Eh? What?"

"What's with you? Are you sick or somethin'? You haven't eaten your donut at all-ssu"

" Oh don't worry. I'm fine. Sorry for spacing out I’ve just…"

Haruna had to avoid his gaze because he couldn't bear to look at Shiki's confused but also worried eyes.

It's been a week since the letter had arrived but Haruna hadn't told anyone about it.
The only person that knew was his mother but he had pleaded with her not to say anything to anyone and although reluctant she had complied with his wish.

Of course Haruna knew that he needed to tell Shiki. After all this wasn’t just anything…his decision would change a lot of things but Haruna had decided to go through with it, so it was important that they talked about this

But…how?
How do you tell your boyfriend about such a life changing event?
Like Haruna had tried to speak up about it but somehow it never felt like it was the right time…this wasn’t as easy as he thought.

Shiki looked at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow.
Something with Haruna was definitely wrong.
Ever since the day after New Year's eve his boyfriend hadn't been the same at all.

Haruna constantly seemed so distracted.
Shiki had stopped counting all the times he had captured his boyfriend spacing out.
He always seemed to be lost in his thoughts.
What bothered Haruna so much that he would even leave his donuts untouched?

Shiki knew that maybe it would be best to just confront Haruna.
They should really talk about it but what if…what if…Haruna’s strange behavior was because of him?
Did Shiki make a mistake? What if Haruna was super mad at him?

For the past week Shiki had tried hard to think about what mistake he could have made, his head already hurting from thinking so much but he couldn’t come up with anything…
How the hell was he supposed to deal with this situation?

~~💚❤️~~

Hayato was sure that he had never seen Shiki in a state like this.
Absolutely unenergetic, quiet, just sitting there head resting on the table and sighting at least five times per minute.

" You know this could be easily solved if you two just talked with each other” Jun huffed, clearly fed up with Shiki’s behavior.

" It's impossible-ssu! What if everything is my fault?"

" Then it’s even more important to talk about it"

" Honestly I hardly can believe it" Hayato joined in on the conversation " I mean Haruna is so in love with you he wouldn't even mind if you ate his last donut"

" But just asking him what’s wrong…I possibly can’t-ssu…" Shiki whined out, tapping the box of donuts he bought with a finger.

He hoped that if he brought a gift, like some sort of peace offering, then maybe Haruna wouldn't be mad anymore because right now Shiki was convinced that he must have made a grave mistake although he had no clue what it could be.
Nothing could explain Haruna’s weird behavior.

" What should I do? What to do?" Shiki mused more to himself than anyone.

Hayato tried not to let an annoyed sight escape from his throat. Of course he knew all relationships had their flaws and no one was perfect but seriously Haruna and Shiki both definitely needed to work on their communication skills.

If they couldn't figure this out then there would be a lot of misunderstandings in the future.
Bottling everything up wouldn't help anyone and it might get even worse…

" For one last time…If you don’t talk with Haruna the-”

But Jun had to interrupt his sentences as the door to their rehearsal room swung open revealing said orange haired boy they had just talked about.

The whole room went entirely silent and everyone looked at Haruna like they saw a ghost, which didn't go unnoticed.

" What?" Haruna asked, closing the door behind him " did I interrupt something?"

" Aah nopsie-ssu" Shiki stood up to greet his boyfriend, who willingly engulfed him in a tight hug. " I'm glad Harunacchi is here-ssu. You knowsie I brought donuts for yousie-ssu."

" Did you?" Haruna asked, burying his nose into black hair, taking in a deep breath of air, “ Hnn I missed you…”

This was not fair. Shiki always tried his best and Haruna loved him so much but yet Haruna was having secrets.

He needed to tell his boyfriend about the letter and his decision but Haruna knew…that it would hurt Shiki…
Although Haruna promised to never hurt him again…he would…

Haruna felt torn between needing to be honest and not wanting to hurt his boyfriend but there was no way around it.

" That's kind of funny" Haruna stated, moving a few steps back while rummaging through his bag " because I bought you your favorite spicy chips too"

Haruna was pretty sure he heard Hayato releasing a muffled, frustrated scream, sounding like he’d love to slap them both across the face hard.

Of course his best friend knew that something was wrong, although Haruna hadn't told him either but still he wished that Hayato would stop caring so much about Shiki's and his relationship and start focusing on his own.
Why did he always have to be so nosy?

" Eeeh? That's so cool-ssu! Mega max thank you-ssu!" Shiki blurted out in the same energetic voice he always did, taking the bag of chips out of Haruna's hand " now I'm so hyped up-ssu! I'll practice mega hard-ssu!"

"Good because there’s still a lot to do before the audition" Jun said matter of factly.

" It's no problem at all. I'm sure as long as it's the five of us we'll be able to do it!" Hayato sounded so enthusiastic.

" Righty-ssu! We're gonna make it-ssu! Everyone will be mega max stunned-ssu!" Shiki instantly joined in on Hayato's burning enthusiasm.

" We'll be…fine…huh?" Natsuki didn't sound excited at all but everyone knew that he was just as hyped up as everyone.

" I'm agreeing with Hayato. As long as we are all together, there's a good chance we'll make it" Jun nodded his head to underline his statement but of course Shiki was so moved by his words that Jun soon enough found himself crushed into one of the other’s euphoric hugs.

"Juncchi, I'm so megaa happy-ssu!"

And while Jun tried to struggle and free himself Haruna felt like he couldn’t take it any longer. Hearing them all being so enthusiastic, knowing that everyone was expecting him to be there…when in reality…
It wasn’t a good time now either and absolutely not what Haruna had planned to do but the longer Haruna waited…the harder it would get…this was his chance.

"Guys…I have to tell you something important…"

The room went entirely quiet in the span of two seconds and Haruna knew that all eyes were now fixated on him.

" I'm sorry…but…I..I won't be with you at the audition…" Haruna breathed out the words so quietly he wasn't so sure if everyone had heard him but judging from Shiki, staring at him with wide turquoise eyes and crumbling the chips bag in his hands Haruna was sure they understood.

" You what?" Hayato asked, confused.

Haruna tried to find the right words to explain it. The best way would be to be honest, right?

" Do you remember when I applied for that internship at the university in America last year in spring? They never answered so I had just dismissed it as not being accepted but then a week ago I received a letter…"

"Course I remember you’d been all excited about that. And so what? What answer?" Hayato sounded like he knew what was coming now.

" I got…accepted. I know it’s sudden and I really don't want to leave you hanging but I made my decision…starting from february I'll be attending university in America"

There was silence for what seemed like the longest minutes Haruna had ever experienced in his whole life.
Of course he had expected something like that after all this wasn’t like some everyday announcement. This was huge and it would change everything.

Hayato was the first one to find his voice again.
" What? Like I mean…that's cool b-but…unexpected…but…how long for?"

" One year for now…but if I do well they might extend my stay…"

" So basically what you are trying to say is…you are going away and you wanna leave the band?" Jun concluded.

" It’s not like I want to..but if I'm not here then what’s the meaning in me being a member, right? Don’t misunderstand. I like you really, all of you and it’s fun making music with everyone…but even so…I need to think about the future too and this is a huge chance I can’t miss…I hope you understand…" Haruna explained.

" Of course I do after all, pursuing a teaching career is much more secure than trying to become a famous musician…like no one knows what’ll happen at the audition…so I’ll understand your point but Haruna…anyways…" Jun wasn't able to finish his sentence though as he was interrupted by the banging sound of the door being shut behind them.

Haruna should have known this would happen.
Actually this hadn’t been going as he had planned.
He had wanted to tell Shiki first. Tell him when it was just the two of them but now he had dropped the bomb in front of everyone like Shiki wasn’t more important to him than anyone else…

Of course he would get mad, this was only natural. Like if it was Haruna in his place, he would be angry and confused too, needing time to stomach everything.

Announcing his departure like Haruna did was probably the worst thing he could have done and Shiki had every right to be mad but even so Haruna couldn’t leave him like that.

He exchanged a short look with Hayato before leaving the rehearsal room. This day definitely couldn’t get any worse…

~🌧️~

What? What was happening?

Shiki didn’t understand. He didn’t understand at all.
What had Haruna been saying? Was this a joke or something?
Did Shiki’s ears play tricks on him?
What did his boyfriend mean? Going to America?
What was he talking about?
Shiki was confused, not knowing what to think or how to exactly feel…

He had been wandering around the building aimlessly not knowing what to do before finally finding an empty bathroom.
Maybe all of this was some weird dream?

Shiki left the bag of chips on the counter before taking off his pink glasses to splash his face with a lot of cold water hoping that it would wake him up but nothing of the sort happened.
This was real…totally real. He wasn’t dreaming at all.

Did Haruna really make such a huge decision and didn’t tell Shiki anything about it?
Worst of all he just dropped the news to everyone like it wasn’t something special.
Like he was just going on a weekend trip or something.

What was Shiki supposed to feel? Anger? Sadness? Hurt? Confusion? There was such a whirlwind of emotions inside of him right now, it was hard to handle even for a normally energetic person like Shiki.

It couldn’t be true.
Shiki had no idea what to do and he grabbed for the bag of chips, ripping it open and stuffing hands full into his mouth hoping the spiciness would numb his feelings.

Shiki wondered how he should react in front of Haruna now?
What was the right thing to do?

“ Shiki, what are you doing?”

Well he definitely needed an answer this instant because his boyfriend had found him, now standing right in front of Shiki and looking rather confused.

His brain couldn’t come up with what to say. It felt completely empty and all Shiki could do was to stare at Haruna in silence for a good while.
Shiki’s mind was blank and his feelings were all over the place. This wasn’t good.
He couldn’t deal with that right now.

Instead of answering to his boyfriend, Shiki rushed right past him but he was stopped by Haruna grabbing his hand.

“ Shiki, wait. I know you are mad…but…”

“ Mad? I’m not sure you understand Harunacchi-ssu. I don’t even know what to feel right now-ssu. This is just…so much…all at once-ssu…”

“ Let’s talk about it, okay?”

“ I can’t-ssu. Not now anyways…in fact I’m not even sure I’ll be able to look at you right now-ssu”

Those words, although Haruna had expected them, somehow, they still felt like a stab through his heart but how could he complain or say anything about it when he knew that Shiki was definitely hurt too. More than Haruna would ever be.

Shiki saw his chance when Haruna slowly let go of his hand and he hurriedly rushed out of the bathroom.
In this moment he just couldn’t deal with reality and he needed some time and space to get a clear thought, sort out his emotions before he ended up in a complete breakdown because his eyes sure felt watery and his chest was painfully tight.

He didn’t know how he managed to find back to the rehearsal room and he knew that everyone was staring at him but all Shiki did was to press out a broken “sorry-ssu” before grabbing his backpack and leaving the room as soon as he entered before Hayato could even say something.

Jun, Natsuki and Hayato were too stunned to speak and it didn’t get any better when Haruna entered the room only mere minutes after Shiki doing the same as the other did before: mumbling some half-assed “sorry” before grabbing his bag and leaving in a matter of seconds.

“ Honestly…sometimes I can’t understand…how their relationship lasts longer than a week” Jun said after another few seconds of silence.

“ Well they both might be idiots…but..their love for each other is genuine after all” Hayato whispered.

“ Don’t think about it, Hayato. It’s not your problem. There’s nothing you can do about it” Jun warned seriously.

“ I have to agree…with Jun…this time…they really gonna…figure it out…on their own” Natsuki agreed.

“ I know that…”

But yet Hayato couldn’t help it. They were his best friends and they were both suffering now, in ways that Hayato couldn’t even start to imagine.

He knew that Jun and Natsuki were right. Hayato shouldn’t interfere, it was neither his time nor place to do so but there must be something, anything that Hayato could do to help them.
Sure Haruna and Shiki were idiots…but Hayato would be lying if he said that he wasn’t a little bit of an idiot as well and so, if it was for his friends, he might just end up doing the stupidest thing…

~📱~

It’s been three whole days. Three days since Haruna had dropped that bomb and completely screwed up everything.

Days that were filled with nothing but anxiousness for him. At first Haruna had tried to contact Shiki but all of his messages hadn't been read, ignored entirely and Haruna wasn’t sure what to do.

He didn’t want to be too pushy because he knew that Shiki needed time but there were only eleven days left before his departure and his boyfriend was acting like Haruna wasn’t existing at all.

That means if they still were boyfriends…
Haruna had no idea what he should think as he was sitting in the metro, scrolling through all the messages he wrote and listening to music, trying his best to block out the other people around him.

What if Shiki was so angry at him…he didn’t want to see Haruna anymore? It would be the worst that could happen.
Haruna didn’t want it to end like that…in fact he didn’t want to end it at all because there was only one thing that he was sure of…he loved Shiki and he would forever do…no matter how far or long they were apart. He desperately wanted to stay with the other, even if it was childish.

But was Shiki thinking the same?
Haruna knew that the decision he made would change a lot of things and he didn’t make it lightheartedly but what else was he supposed to do?

Maybe he should have asked Shiki about his opinion first, discuss all of this with him but Haruna had to choose his answer fast so there just hadn’t been any time left and he was sure that no matter what Shiki would have said, it wouldn’t have changed Haruna’s mind on going.

This was something Haruna needed to do. A huge chance that would help him so much in the future, definitely guaranteeing him a good job at some super elite school. A stable job with a likewise stable pay.

Haruna owed at least that much to his mother after everything she did. Working her ass off day and night so Haruna could have the best life and education possible.
He wouldn’t screw this up, not this time, even if it meant leaving his boyfriend behind…even if he didn’t know if Shiki would wait for him…

God, Haruna wanted to see him so badly, talk to him, hold him…if only Shiki would answer.
It wasn’t like Haruna was going to America all willingly and full of excitement as if it was easy for him to leave everything he had here behind.

Quite the opposite. Ever since meeting Shiki and joining the band…all his days had been so much fun.
Haruna loved making music with everyone and he loved playing the drums but he couldn’t just go and run after some crazy dream.
A fantasie that might never become true and yet he would miss it, all those days full of fun and unconcern…and more than anything he would miss Shiki…

In fact…he was even missing him right now, so badly it felt like he didn’t know how to breathe.
Should Haruna just go to Shiki’s home and try to see him?
What if the other turned him down?
But shouldn’t he at least try?
After all their time was running out…oh if Shiki would only call him…

Haruna almost jumped out of his chair when the phone in his hand suddenly vibrated like crazy but he freaked out even more when he saw the callers name and yet, besides feeling anxious, he picked up in like seconds and then there was Shiki’s voice right in his ears through the headphones he was wearing.

“ Harunacchi, come over tomorrow at four-ssu. Got it?”

“ Shiki…”

but the other had already hung up on him again.
Well this definitely had been a clear statement.
Shiki was finally able to talk about it but Haruna wasn’t even sure what he should say, yet he knew that he needed to go.
It was important for them to talk about…the future and make their own decision where to go from here. Whatever that might mean…but Haruna knew that he wouldn't give up easily.

~🐼~

Most definitely Haruna had never felt this nervous in his entire life.
Standing in front of Shiki's door he stepped from one foot on the other.

Haruna had stayed up almost all night, thinking about what to say and what Shiki might answer.
With this little sleep, Haruna sure hoped he wouldn't screw this up by saying something unnecessarily stupid and upset Shiki further.

His heart was beating like crazy and Haruna swallowed hard, fixing his hair once more before finally pressing the doorbell button.

It took a good while before the door finally opened, or at least it felt like that for Haruna, and there Shiki was looking as perfect as Haruna remembered.

" Shiki…"

Instead of receiving an answer, the other quite literally threw himself at Haruna and before he knew what was happening, Shiki kissed him like they haven't seen each other in ages.
Well three whole days definitely felt like eternity for Haruna and he didn't know how he would survive a whole year but for now he kissed back just as passionately, pressing Shiki as close to his chest as physically possible.

Neither of them caring, that they were still in the hallway and everyone could see them.
All Haruna cared about right now was this beautiful boyfriend of his.

Haruna really hated to do this but he had no other choice.
His heart hurted like it was burning, looking at Shiki after they separated.
The other seemed so close to tears, his turquoise eyes casted down and a light red blush on his cheeks.

" Ah…come in-ssu" Shiki said like he had actually forgotten about that for a second, carefully grabbing Haruna's hand to pull him inside and closing the door behind them.

Shiki had no clue what he was hoping to achieve with this.
Maybe it was a stupid idea to call Haruna in the first place but Hayato was right when he told Shiki that they couldn't stay like this.
Haruna and him needed to talk.
Real talk this time but the problem was Shiki was really bad when it came to exactly that.

But he knew for sure that giving up just like that wasn't an option.

" Oh, aren't you thirsty? I'll get you some tea-ssu"

Haruna was left standing in the hallway with no idea where he should start.
Choosing his words wisely was crucial but Haruna wasn't really good at that.

For now he decided to follow Shiki in the kitchen, after getting rid of his shoes and jacket.

His boyfriend was very meticulously preparing tea, not even looking up when Haruna entered.

" It's so quiet…is Ren not here?"

" Nopsie-ssu. I sent him out with Reicchi-ssu"

" Doesn't that feel kind of weird? I mean your roommate going out with your ex?"

Shiki shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't that big of a deal.
" Honestly? At first it really was mega weird-ssu. Having Rei around so often felt hyper strange but I got used to it-ssu. Now I don't really care what their relationship is-ssu."

What were they doing right now? Haruna felt like such an idiot. Why were they talking about Ren and Rei when there were definitely more important things to discuss.

The problem though stayed the same: Where should Haruna start?

He didn't know what to say, not even when Shiki handed him his tea, avoiding looking directly into his eyes and they sat down on the comfy sofa.

It was quiet for a good while, the only sound being Shiki sipping his tea.

“ Shiki…I’m sorry…” Haruna tried to start.

“ Sorry? What for? For going away to America? For the fact you kept this a secret from me all this time? Or the way you revealed it?” Shiki stated with a voice that was void of any emotion.

Haruna did his best not to flinch while being accused of all that.
“ Uhm..well…I guess all of the above? B-But…you know…this is just such a huge chance…I…”

“ Harunacchi, I’m not that dumb-ssu” Shiki interrupted. “ Course I know that this is a mega huge chance-ssu. You’d be the dumb one not to take the opportunity-ssu. I…I just wish you told me sooner-ssu. I thought…we…were boyfriends and stuff…but you told it to me…like I was just like the others-ssu. Not special at all-ssu. That kind of hurt-ssu.”

If the situation hadn’t been as serious as it was right now Haruna would have probably laughed at Shiki for even believing on second that he wasn’t the most important thing in Haruna’s life but when his boyfriend looked so sad, clenching his cup of tea very tightly, with small tears appearing in the corners of those beautiful turquoise eyes then all Haruna could do was to try and reassure him.

“ Nee Shiki…” Haruna whispered in that deep calming voice of his, placing his own cup of tea aside before carefully removing Shiki’s own out of the other’s grasp.

Shiki wasn’t resisting getting pulled into a tight hug because after all those always had been his favorites. The ones where it felt like Haruna was completely engulfing him, Shiki not even minding if he would get crushed as long as it was Haruna.

Haruna who’s scent, heartbeat and warmth was so comforting and calming. How was he supposed to survive without his boyfriend for a whole year?
Shiki was unable to answer…but…this was important for Haruna so…

“ I’m sorry really about everything…believe me when I say I didn’t make this decision lightly…but…I need to go…yet I still want you to know that I love you. I always will and nothing could change that. No matter how long or far we are apart. You’ll always be the most important person in my life, you do understand?”

“ Course I do-ssu” Shiki whispered quietly, snuggling closer into Haruna’s warmth hiding his face in the other’s chest “ I knowsie…you need to do what you need to do-ssu. I know this is important for Harunacchi-ssu. I was just so shocked to hear it…because I believed Harunacchi wanted us to be successful as a band together-ssu”

“ I know the band is very important to you and I enjoyed the time together with everyone. Of course I also want you to succeed together with HighxJoker but Shiki…that’s your dream, not mine.” Haruna made it sound like he was convinced of it but in reality he really wasn’t.

“ And both our dreams are important to us-ssu. As boyfriends we should support each other right? But it’s just…I’m…I’m gonna mega…miss you-ssu”

Shiki wanted to say so many other, different things. Begging for Haruna not to go, to not just leave him all alone here and tell him how hurt he was for the fact that he had truly believed they both shared the same dream.

How could Shiki have been so wrong and misunderstood Haruna all this time?
And yet he didn’t say anything because after all becoming an english teacher was Haruna’s dream and back then Shiki swore to himself that he would never again be the reason why the dream of the person he loved the most might get destroyed.
He wouldn’t make the same mistakes he made with Rei. Not again.

“ Me too. I’ll miss you lots but I promise we’ll video chat every single day and I’ll visit as often as possible. I love you so, so much and you’ll see the year will be over so soon. I just hope that you’ll wait for me too? Will you Shiki?”

Of course Shiki would. He would wait all eternity if it was for Haruna. There was no way he could ever give up so easily.
But was what Haruna said really true? Would he come back to him? What if he found someone else while being abroad?

Maybe it was stupid of Shiki to think this way but like Haruna was very handsome, gentle, with a great personality though a bit dim-witted but still…Shiki was sure most girls at the american university would fall totally in love with his boyfriend and Shiki wouldn’t be there to fend them off so what if…

No, that was really stupid. Shiki needed to trust Haruna. His boyfriend wouldn’t do something like that. No matter how far they were apart.

“ Stupid Harunacchi. Of course I’ll wait-ssu. I love you all mega max too-ssu. So you gotta give it your hyper best and I’ll cheer you on like all hyper hyper super mega cheer-ssu” Shiki concluded and though his words sounded genuine and serious and there didn’t seem to be any doubt in those turquoise eyes Shiki deep down was feeling the polar opposite of what he showed.

He’s always been good at acting. Hiding those emotions, shoving them down into the darkest corner because he wanted for Haruna to be able to leave without any regrets.

“ And here I was worried you might want to break up with me after hearing the truth” Haruna sighed.

“ Whaaat? I’ll never do that-ssu. Harunacchi you are sooooo stuuuupid-ssu”

“ And you are sooooo cuuuute-ssu” Haruna answered with a grin trying to imitate Shiki’s way of speaking.

" Are you mocking me now?" Shiki tried to sound angry but his pout was too cute for Harunato to really take it seriously.

" No I would never"'

Truth be told Haruna would miss Shiki. He would do a lot and if it was him then Haruna didn't want to go at all but this wasn't about what he wanted or not, this was something going way deeper and Haruna wouldn't disappoint his mother after everything she's done…

Haruna was truly blessed that Shiki didn't intend to leave him because after all this would be a huge change in their daily lives but Haruna was sure together they would pull through it too.

He smiled gently, placing soft kisses all over Shiki’s face knowing that his boyfriend was annoyed by it but Haruna couldn’t care less when Shiki squirmed with a small adorable yelp.

" H-Harunacchi not there…it tickles-ssu" Shiki stuttered out, trying to shield the backside of his ear from Haruna's affectionate kisses.

" Mh is that so?"

Shiki shuddered as the breath of hot air hit his ear.
What was it with Haruna and that deep voice of his?
So calming, yet so exciting at the same time. How unfair.

There was no way Shiki could resist this like no one could and he was unable to do anything but twitch and release soft, little mewls that should sound like complaints but they definitely didn’t because Haruna wasn’t intending to stop this at all.

“ S-Seriously…s-stop-ssu” Shiki pressed out breathlessly trying his best to shove Haruna off. This was too much for him to handle…

Luckily this finally seemed to do the trick as Haruna let go Shiki’s ear, who in turn released a relieved breath.

“ Sorry…I just…” Haruna stopped his sentence to look at his boyfriend. Shiki with the bright red blush on his cheeks, the glassy, dreamy looking turquoise eyes and breathing heavily.
God he really was just picture perfect and Haruna swallowed hard, doing his best to will every weird thought that tried to pop up in his mind away.

“ Shiki, honestly…I’m sorry”
But the other just shook his head.

“ Harunacchi, you are apologizing too much-ssu. Since we'll be separated soonsie I don't want to spend those last days all gloomy-ssu"

What was that weird grin on Shiki's face? Haruna had never seen that before and his green eyes grew wide when Shiki crawled into his lap wrapping his arms around Haruna's neck.

" Nee Harunacchi, I think since you are leaving soon we should do lots of crazy things together-ssu" Shiki's voice got quieter and lower with every word, sounding so suggestive, Haruna had to swallow hard again.

What? Haruna wasn't sure if his eyes could grow any wider as he looked at his boyfriend, still grinning down on him cunningly, a playful glint in his eyes.

Did Shiki just…suggest…that…to him?
Could that be…?

Wait a second…Haruna tried to remember how to think straight because suddenly there were 1000 thoughts in his head all at once.

It's not like Haruna didn't want to…after all they both were adults and loved each other so it was just normal but this was…sudden.
He never expected Shiki to suggest something like this out of the blue.
Shiki who always seemed so innocent…well obviously not so much…but Haruna really hadn't any experience with this sort of thing…but…

The fact that Shiki pressed closer into him, catapulted Haruna right out of his thoughts and back into reality.
Right, he needed to answer.
Just play it cool and stuff…

" Yes I'd love to do that" Haruna tried to sound confident but he was actually freaking out.
Surely his heart would leap right out of his chest when Shiki leaned even closer and he swallowed hard. It was hot and suffocating yet exciting.
What was he supposed to do? What do you do in this situation?

Were they really going to do this?
Haruna shivered when Shiki's hot breath was right at his ear.

" Righty-ssu. Let's do it-ssu. Let's…order four dozen of donuts-ssu"

Wait, what?

In only seconds Haruna felt his soul leave his body.
This was what Shiki meant when he suggested something crazy? How could Haruna be fooled like that?
Of course it was Shiki so what had he expected?

Haruna had been a complete nervous wreck for nothing.

" Harunacchi?" Shiki looked at him slightly confused, not understanding why his boyfriend seemed like a whole world had broken down.

Haruna released a long and deep breath, before smiling genuinely.

" Alright…let's do that…it sounds nice"

Shiki shrieked when he was pushed down and buried underneath Haruna like a soft toy.

" Harunacchi…too heavy…gonna get squashed…ssu" Shiki complained but gave up very soon with a defeated sight, knowing he wouldn’t get through to his boyfriend anyways.
Besides he knew that no matter what, Haruna would never hurt him deliberately.

Anyways it actually was nice. Being so close. Feeling Haruna nuzzling his nose closer into the crook of Shiki's neck and being wrapped up completely.
Like a warm, good smelling blanket.

Shiki grinned to himself thinking about a blanket-Haruna.
It was better than any Kumacchi soft toy anyway.

" I love you so much, you know?"

God, Shiki wanted to melt. He wanted to stay like this forever and not think about what will happen in the near future.
If only there was a magic spell to keep Haruna here.

Shiki couldn't do it. Acting selfish and making everything harder than it already was.
He desperately wanted for Haruna to stay but there was no way Shiki could ever tell Haruna that.
So he did his best to squash down all those egoistic feelings.

~🍩~

In the end they actually ended up getting tons of donuts much to Haruna's pleasure.
Even after all this time Shiki was still impressed with how much Haruna could eat in one go but he promised himself not to fall behind although after the ten-ished donut or so Shiki could feel his stomach rebelling against all that sugar so he decided to admit defeat, losing count of how many donuts Haruna had already wolfed down.
It really was one impressive ability.

They decided to watch random shows on TV and drink lots of soda while talking about all and nothing.
All the while cuddled up closely together and Shiki had never felt so calm and protected in his whole life although the bitter thought of "having to say goodbye" still lingered.
Yet he could feel his eyes and body becoming heavier with every passing minute…

Haruna wasn't even surprised anymore. After all, being used as a bed replacement had already become second nature to him.
It was just one of the many dangers when cuddling with Shiki.
He looked at his boyfriend, totally carefree dozing on his chest, mumbling something about Kumacchi in his sleep.

Haruna grinned to himself. Sometimes Shiki behaved like a little child. Eating until he was completely stuffed and then falling right asleep. Shiki's shirt had slipped up a little bit revealing his belly, slightly bloated from all the delicious donuts.

Releasing a long breath of air, Haruna decided for himself, that Shiki definitely was the cutest, though also an idiot but he was Haruna's idiot and that was all that ever mattered.

Haruna smiled warmly but yet so bittersweet.
If he was honest with himself…he didn't want to go at all.
If it was him…he would just stay here forever, together with his Shiki. They'd go to band practice together and visit the donuts shop after and Haruna would finish his studies and eventually work as an english teacher at least until they had their big breakthrough with the band. If HighxJoker could become really famous that would be awesome. it would be everything Haruna could dream of and yet what a stupid dream it was.

It was so simple in his thoughts but so impossible for him in reality.
Taking such a risk, hoping that it would work out somehow. Who couldn’t guarantee they’d ever be good enough to actually earn money with music?
Nothing was secure about this…
He couldn't let his family down, disappointing his mother, after everything…

Everyone else would have been excited at such a huge opportunity, like how many young people dreamed of living abroad but for Haruna it felt sour.
If only he could just go with the flow, decide things ona whim like this idiot peacefully sleeping on his chest. Just hoping that everything would work out.

Giving up his job as Rental boyfriend just like that…Haruna never understood how Shiki could do that. He was so carefree when it came to such stuff and while Haruna pretended to be the same, deep down he was always worried about the future.

Haruna definitely admired Shiki for that attitude and it was one of the many reasons why he loved him so much...

Releasing a deep sigh, Haruna decided that now was not the time to think about this.It wouldn’t get him anywhere.

He knew that it was going to be an uncomfortable night on the couch and he probably wouldn't be able to walk straight tomorrow.
Shiki would definitely apologize a hundred times and whine why Haruna didn't wake him up but how could he when Shiki looked so peaceful, happy and cute?

Sure it was cramped and Haruna could already feel his back and legs complaining, yet he burrowed his nose into black hair with a happy sight.

Yes it was uncomfortable but for him it still felt so perfect…

Chapter Text

Just like that, the days went on.
Shiki wasn't good with goodbyes and he tried his best to pretend like there wouldn't be one coming very soon.
Every free minute they could spare they spent glued to each other like Shiki was afraid that Haruna would vanish if he wasn't careful enough.

He tried so hard not to show how he was actually feeling, pretending to be happy and in as high spirits as ever.
But how often did Shiki find himself all alone in his room, lying in bed, blanket pulled all over his head and silently crying.

No Shiki wasn't alright and he wished so hard that all of this would be a bad dream and he'd wake up soon but days kept passing by one after the other drawing him closer to the inevitable end and he never woke up.

Deep down there were so many things Shiki wanted to tell Haruna but how could he?
It was another one of those nights, where he would lay in bed for hours unable to sleep.

Tossing and turning around until his eyes caught sight of the framed picture on his nightstand.
Shiki had replaced the old one long ago. Now instead of high school him together with Rei, it was a picture of Haruna and him at the amusement park.
Their first official date, well kinda…at least one of the last dates Shiki had as a rental boyfriend.

Life would surely start to change now depending on how well they did at the audition…without Haruna…a life without Haruna…

Shiki wished that he could stop time but it was working mercilessly against him with every tick and tack of the clock.
He grabbed for the picture to hold it tightly towards his chest.
Ahh how much Shiki wished to wake up already…

~*~

The day was close now, so close Shiki could feel it creeping up onto him like a large, scary, shadow.
It was night already and tomorrow would be Haruna's full last day before he'd be flying off the day after.
Everything was ready, all documents and papers needed filled out and all the stuff essential for the school was bought.
The only thing left for tomorrow was to pack up some necessities and then he'd be off.

Shiki felt nauseous because of it but he tried his very best to squash it down.
He didn't want to make it any harder for Haruna or cause a problem because he was acting selfish.
Although he was sure that his boyfriend might have already noticed, why wasn’t Haruna saying anything?

Shiki had to remember that it wasn't a goodbye forever.
Haruna would be back and they would still be together like nothing ever happened.
But would they really?
There were so many 'what if's' in Shiki's head, so many things he wanted to say, it felt like exploding at any second now.

All he could do was to look at the sleeping face of his boyfriend, envying him for being able to sleep so peacefully.
Shiki hasn't slept well in what felt like ages. Especially not alone.
He was already so used to being together with Haruna, it was kind of scary.

Shiki sworn himself to never get attached to a person like that ever again but here he was.
Unable to do or say anything besides cuddling closer into Haruna's warm chest, trying to ignore how painful everything felt.

“ I don’t know what to do…so unfair-ssu. I’m gonna miss you so much-ssu….” Shiki whispered more to himself than anyone else.

No matter how much he wished for it, this wasn’t a bad dream he would wake up from, so all Shiki could do was to try and escape into the real dreamland, hoping that at least there they would be together…

It probably took at least half an hour for Shiki to finally fall fully asleep, breathing soft and evenly against the skin on Haruna’s collarbone, who slowly blinked his green eyes open.

Of course it wasn’t fair, from the start it hadn’t been and Haruna didn’t want any of this but he had made his decision although it was the hardest one so far.
If it was him he’ll just stay right here forever, together with everyone, together with Shiki.

Haruna wanted to be part of the band, he wanted to continue playing the drums. If they could succeed and HighxJoker became famous…Haruna wanted to be there for it.
It was strange how not so long ago he’d thought his ultimate dream would be to become a reliable English teacher but now things have changed.

Yet this chance he got…it was once in a lifetime, it would guarantee him to have a great future but a career in music…well not so much although Haruna wanted it but how in the world could he be able to possibly disappoint the only family he had left?
He couldn’t just tell his mother that he didn’t want to be a teacher anymore but a musician instead.
It was impossible.

No, Haruna really didn’t want to leave but…
“ You dummy…me too…I’ll miss you so much…I don’t wanna go…”

Haruna sighted quietly, hugging the other tighter to himself. Was it even possible for a goodbye to hurt this much…?

~*~

There was only one day left. Haruna's last official day in Tokyo before flying off to New York tomorrow.

At the moment he wasn’t really sure how to feel it was a mixture of many emotions such as excitement, nervousness, curiosity but also bittersweet sadness.
There was just so much to process it all at once Haruna was really glad about the fact he had to pack up everything he would need for the first few weeks because it distracted him from thinking too much.

His mother had also decided to come over to help and was now making dinner in the kitchen.

Truth be told it was hectic to search through everything, stacks of clothes strewn across his bed but yet it was better than overthinking stuff.

Haruna debated with himself if he should really throw that green shirt into his suitcase, after all he would surely buy a stack of new clothes sooner or later and was this t-shirt really worth it?

Lately it seemed like Haruna had to make a lot of difficult decisions and he decided that this one could wait as he let the shirt drop onto the bed again.
Right now there were more important things than clothes.
Haruna kneeled down to search through one of the boxes he always had stored underneath his bed, containing random stuff but maybe there was still something in there he would need.

“ Oohhh…that’s…” he whispered more to himself than anyone grabbing both of the long wooden sticks with a hand.

The first drumsticks he ever bought, together with Jun and Shiki.
His boyfriend had been even more excited than himself, zooming around the music store like a hyperactive puppy.

Haruna smiled, remembering the moment, it felt like so long ago when in fact it actually wasn’t.

Well Haruna definitely wouldn’t need those drumsticks in America.
It felt wrong leaving them behind but what other choice did he have left?

He really wanted to learn more about playing the drums. Improve his skills and play together with everyone because it was the first time in his life that Haruna had actual fun learning something, being committed to playing drums.

Something like commitment has been a word to actually scare Haruna in the past but now it wasn’t so much anymore.
That however was the fault of a very special kind of guy.
Haruna left the drumsticks on the side for now to grab one of the pictures standing on the windowsill by his bed.

Yes he’d definitely need that. Haruna remembered that day of their first official date like it had only happened yesterday. The scene of how they took that picture in front of the ferris wheel, still vivid in his head.

Haruna also remembered how they lost that sheet of purikura and how that led to both of them landing in the water and getting the worst colds they ever had.

It was funny how they actually didn’t know each other for that long but still, it seemed like they’ve already gone through so many things together, experiencing various things.
For Haruna it seemed like an eternity, like they’ve known each other for years.

Yet everyday, every moment they spent together it felt like Haruna was falling in love all over again and he couldn’t stop to find more and more loveable “Shiki-things” with every minute they spent together.

Pressing the framed photo close to his chest he exhaled a long and deep sight.

“ Urgh I really don’t wanna go…” Haruna whispered quietly, not noticing that his words were overheard…

~*~

Shiki wasn’t sure how many hours it’s been. How long had he been lying on his bed, in the darkness of his room, staring at the screen of his phone, scrolling through Haruna’s messages, not having replied to the latest one yet.

“Are you coming to the airport?”

It was the day. This exact day, the one that Shiki called “ The day of doom”.
He knew that he should get himself ready, rush to the airport and bid his boyfriend a warm goodbye, wishing him luck and that stuff but it felt like he was being dragged down by an invisible weight, making him unable to move.

He had no idea how to answer such a message. It’s not like Shiki had promised Haruna he would come. He successfully managed to “maybe” his way around it until this day.
Seeing his boyfriend off was most likely the normal thing to do but if he did that, then the reality would really start hitting in.

Maybe Shiki should find some stupid excuse, knowing that Haruna would forgive him.
Yet his mind was blank. His finger hovered over the screen not knowing what to do.
This was the worst thing to ever happen in his life …

~*~

Why was he not answering?
Haruna didn’t understand. Although Shiki had read the message hours ago.
Why was he ignoring him now of all times?

Not long now and Haruna would be gone for a long time and Shiki was doing what exactly?
It’s not like he had forced Shiki to come and he would understand if he didn’t want to…but not write anything at all…?
That was just so cruel…

“ What is it Haruna darling, are you fine?” his mother asked.

“ I’m fine…really” Haruna mumbled back letting his phone sink back into the pocket of his jacket with a sight.

His mother raised a confused eyebrow.

“ Is Shiki-kun not coming?”

“ Well how would I know?”

“ Oh my I hope nothing bad happened…”

Haruna hadn’t really thought about that but Shiki had read all his messages so he must be fine right?
Maybe he should try and call? Then again wouldn’t the other just ignore his call…if he couldn’t even bring himself to reply to texts?

“ I don’t really know…” Haruna mused for a bit but then he had an idea, swiftly retrieving the phone from his pocket. “ but I know someone who might.”

~*~

Hayato was surprised when the phone in his bag vibrated suddenly. He’d just arrived at their rehearsal room, along with Takeru, now trying to get ready to practice together with Jun and Natsuki.

He hurried to get his phone out of his bag and his eyes grew even wider as he saw who exactly was calling him.

“ Huh? Haruna? What’s wrong?” Hayato asked as soon as he picked up. “ I thought you’re already at the airport. Or is this like a goodbye call because you actually will miss me more than you like to admit?” Hayato tried to add it as a little joke.

“ Haha very funny, Hayato”, Haruna on the other end of the line snorted, “ No really I am at the airport…I just…is Shiki with you?”

“ No, not at all. I thought he’d be with you” Hayato raised a curious eyebrow.

“ Well he isn’t. I wonder…do you know where he might be? He’s not been replying to my texts either”

“ Hum we were only talking on the phone a few hours prior” Hayato answered truthfully, “ I might have an idea though…”

“ Huh? What?”

But before Haruna could ask anything more Hayato had already ended the call.
Shiki, that idiot.

His eyes settled onto Jun who already seemed like he knew what was coming.

“ Sorry Jun I know you told me not to but I can’t…maybe you are right…maybe i’m a little bit dumb”

Jun sighed pretty annoyed but then nodded his head.

“ I guess it’s fine to skip practice but only this once. We’ll meet each other at the airport then. Honestly those two are annoying.”

Hayato had to smile lightly.

Jun tried not to show it too much but in the end he was also caring about those two.
Especially when it came to Shiki, who with his annoying, too bright personality, had somehow managed to become an important person in Jun’s life after all.

Right now Shiki needed their help more than anything. Hayato was determined to not let it end just like that.
It was time to talk some sense into that stupid best friend of his.

“ You’ll help me too?” Hayato asked his own boyfriend who had decided to join their practice today.

Takeru nodded his head slightly.
“ Of course, just tell me…what to do”

~*~

Deep down Shiki knew that he had to move or at least answer all of Haruna’s messages but then again what good would it bring.
It was too late anyways.

His boyfriend was gone and it was the worst feeling Shiki ever experienced but he couldn’t change anything about it.

Shiki hadn’t managed to be brave enough and tell Haruna how he really felt let alone see him go.
If there’s an award for worst boyfriend ever Shiki was pretty sure he deserved it.

All he could do now was to hope that Haruna would forgive him and things would turn out the way he hoped for them to and he threw his blanket all over his head trying to block out everything.

It was hard…too hard for Shiki to bear and he could feel those tears welling up in his eyes after he looked at Haruna’s last message, his hand instinctively grabbing for his hurting chest.

He didn’t know what to do anymore. It was hurting to let Haruna go but what if Shiki went to see him off?
Wouldn’t it be even worse? Like actually watching Haruna leave. Then everything would be too real and Shiki didn’t know how to handle that.

The first few tears started to stream down his cheeks but Shiki had no time to wail in his misery for too long when he heard voices out in the hallway.

“Wait, you can’t go in…”

There was a loud ruckus outside and then the door to his room was swung open forcefully and before Shiki could react someone pulled the blanket away from his body and suddenly he was met with Hayato’s face.

Shiki opened his mouth to say something but Hayato was faster, grabbing the other’s arm with both his hands and forcefully pulling him up.

Shiki was left with no other choice but to get dragged along.

“ We are going” Hayato announced unceremoniously.

“ Going? Where?”

“ The airport of course”

Shiki halted in his steps, making Hayato stop in his tracks too and turning around to look at the other.

“ Impossible-ssu…” Shiki whispered quietly, eyes casted to the ground.

“ No, I won't accept this!”

Shiki almost flinched at Hayato, suddenly raising his voice like that.

“ You are not telling me you’ll just let Haruna go like that?! I won’t accept that!”

Shiki bit his lip.

“ Don’t pretend like you understand-ssu! It’s none of your business anyways” Shiki hissed back.

“ But it is! You are my best friend and Haruna too! You think I’ll just stand there and watch you both ruin your relationship? When I can see each day how you love each other so much…”

“ But there’s nothing I can do-ssu. It won’t change anything-ssu. Besides, it's Harunacchis dream. I don’t want to make it hard for him by acting selfish-ssu”

“ If Haruna really wants to go, he’ll go anyway but Shiki, he still deserves you to be honest with your feelings. I mean it’s love so isn’t it okay to be at least a bit selfish? I’m sure Haruna thinks the same too. Don’t be stupid and just give yourself and feelings up because you are afraid you might hurt Haruna”

Shiki knew deep down that Hayato was right. Not being honest with what he wanted and hiding his true feelings…Shiki had done that a lot in the past and look where that had brought him and Rei in the end…

What would happen if Shiki also loses Haruna. He couldn’t let that happen…

“ Hey I mean it might not be much but y’know I’ll always be right behind you. I’ll cheer you on. I’m sure Haruna will understand your feelings because he truly loves you. Stop being so afraid. I told you so many times before…” Hayato whispered, lightly connecting their foreheads together.

That was right.
After all, if Haruna really loved him, he would understand, right?
Like Shiki could never be sure but he tried to convince himself that Haruna did actually love him although it seemed so impossible.

Haruna who was so amazing, who probably could be with every person he desired. That guy chose someone like Shiki to be with. It sounded like a bad joke but, no, it was true and Shiki would fight to keep Haruna by his side preferably forever because if they continued like this…they might end up going their separate ways and for Shiki that sounded horrible. A life without Haruna…impossible.

He finally needed to be honest and leave those fears behind.
Shiki wasn’t alone anymore. He had friends now that supported him and liked him just the way he was.
It was so dumb of Shiki for being so afraid, feeling like he could do nothing when in fact it was up to him to change something.

Why did Hayato had to tell him that over and over before he finally understood?

“ Honestly I’m such an idiot-ssu”

“ Yes you are. You both are but that’s why you have me. I’ll make up for that braincell you both miss.”

Normally Shiki would have been offended but in a way Hayato was right and Shiki just had to giggle at the other’s comment.

“ Hayatocchi really is the coolest-ssu” he whispered quietly.

“ Mou now you are just making up stuff”

Hayato didn’t sound all too convinced but in the end he also broke out in a small giggle and Shiki was very ready to squeeze the life out of his best friend if it wasn’t for someone very audibly clearing his throat.

Ugh right, how could Shiki have forgotten that Takeru was still there too. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to get all chummy with his best friend when said friend's boyfriend was right there.

Hayato looked even more guilty than himself, moving a few steps back.

“ Okay let’s go”

“ But we’ll never make it in time-ssu” Shiki said with a nervous look on the clock at his bedroom wall “ Harunacchi will be long gone before we even arrive at the airport.”

“ That’s not a problem at all. We can still make it. You’ll drive with me on the motorbike…”

“ and I’ll be right behind you with the taxi. Like this you’ll surely make it in time! Genius!” Hayato completed the sentence Takeru had started, his eyes sparkling as he looked back at his boyfriend. “ I love you, you know?”

“ O-of c-course I know…” Takeru whispered back quietly, suddenly his cheeks becoming all red.

Shiki had to giggle while quietly watching them. Wasn’t it cute that his best friend finally found love? For one reason or another Shiki felt really happy and bubbly about it.

“ Man let’s go! Let’s go! Don’t waste precious time” Hayato spluttered out giving Shiki a firm push from behind.

That was right Shiki had to go and save his own love now.

~*~*~*~

Now this was it.
There was no turning back anymore. Once Haruna would be through security control he’d be gone.

He should have been excited about it, like there was a big adventure waiting for him but yet he couldn’t feel it.
It was more like some dark cloud thickly hanging over him.

He only wished he would have gotten one last chance to say goodbye but Shiki seemingly didn’t feel the same.

No, that was not it. Haruna needed to understand that it was hard for Shiki too. Although his boyfriend had said all that stuff about supporting him and that it was okay, Haruna was sure it was not as easy as Shiki made it out to be.

Maybe if it was him, Haruna would have done the same.
His heart was clenching painfully thinking about the fact that his boyfriend was sitting at home and very likely cried his heart out and Haruna wasn’t there.

He couldn’t comfort Shiki the way he wanted to, telling him that everything would be okay. Not only now but for a long time to come.
That was the worst part about it…

Yet wasn’t it kind of cruel for Shiki to not even answer his messages?
Haruna felt torn between being angry and the pain of leaving the other behind.

It would be so easy if he just could stay here but he needed to think about the future too.
He could do nothing but to go through with it.

“ Well…” Haruna whispered quietly “ I guess I’ll be going now” saying goodbye to his own mother was also a thing Haruna had never thought to be this difficult. Better not to make this all heart wrenching too.

He was ready to turn around and walk off but his mother grabbed for his arm, hindering him from moving away.

“ Haruna…”

“ Yes? What is it?”

The expression in his mother’s eyes seemed so sad but yet at the same time all too gentle.

“ You know back then, 23 years ago when I found out I was pregnant I felt so anxious. I mean I wasn’t even a proper adult and suddenly I was supposed to take care of a little baby? That sounded so impossible. I remember the day you were born like it was just yesterday. The first time I held you in my arms I already knew that I’d love you unconditionally and I’d do anything to make sure you can be happy…”

“ Well I see but what has that to do with anything?” Haruna was seemingly confused by the sudden storytelling of his mother not understanding why it was important right now.

“ You were really small when you were just born and the first few months were a struggle. I thought so many times you might just die from starvation since you almost threw up all the time whenever I tried to feed you and you were crying non-stop. I probably was the worst mother ever…”

“ That’s not true at all” Haruna instantly protested, still not sure why his mother was telling him all that.
Warm hands gently laid themselves on his cheeks and they both looked at each other.

Haruna had always loved looking into those comforting eyes as a little kid.
Although his mother had struggled so much, she’d always been doing her best.

“ Maybe that’s true” his mother giggled. “ After all, you still turned out pretty big and healthy. I guess what I’m trying to say is…you might think you owe me something for all those things I’ve done but that’s not true at all. I’m your mother and I love you unconditionally. Haruna all I want for you is to be happy. It doesn’t matter to me what you decided to do with your life. I’ll always support you and I will always be proud of you. It’s not so bad to follow your heart from time to time.”

Haruna blinked, seemingly confused. Did he understand that right? Was his mother just giving him permission to not go to America? And how come she had to tell him all that in the form of some sob story?
Could he really do it just like that?
His mother had said it right?

“ So Haruna, what is it that you want to do?” his mother asked again with a smile.

Haruna knew exactly what he wanted and he released a long and deep breath before hugging his mother so tight, he probably was squeezing the air out of her.

“Thank you really…”, he whispered quietly, “ and I’m sorry mom but can you take that back?” Haruna asked after he let go of her, pushing the small suitcase that was supposed to be his carry-on luggage in front of him “ I gotta go now and find my boyfriend…”

“ Of course I will leave everything to me, you just go and be with the one you love, alright? And don’t forget I’m always proud of you” his mother smiled brightly.

~*~*~*~

Shiki couldn’t remember ever having felt this distraught and stressed once in his life.

Has the airport always been that big? How were you supposed to find someone here?
What if Haruna was already through security control? His flight would be taking off soon so it wouldn’t be a surprise.

Shiki wouldn’t be able to reach him then unless he did something very illegal that surely sent him to jail.

Worst of all Shiki forgot his phone at home so there was no way of reaching Haruna.
Hayato had tried calling him several times but he didn’t answer at all.

They decided to split up for the search.
Shiki’s heart was hammering so loudly in his own ears he couldn’t even hear the people bustling all around him.

What if he couldn’t tell Haruna how he truly felt?
Shiki couldn’t forgive himself for being so stupid and now his time was running out…

“Shiki!” Hayato came rushing towards him “ no luck either, huh?”

Shiki shook his head in desperation.
“ It’s impossible-ssu. This airport’s too big and he’s probably long past security-ssu”

Shiki knew it was too late.
Jun, Natsuki and Takeru also came running towards them but no sight of Haruna whatsoever.

“ I’m sorry…” was the first thing Jun said, his eyes falling onto the board displaying the flights and Shiki followed his gaze with absolute defeat in his eyes.

It was too late. Shiki had to face reality...
His boyfriend was gone and he wouldn’t be back for quite some time and Shiki had no chance of properly saying goodbye and telling Haruna his true feelings.

“ God I’ve been so stupid-ssu…” Shiki whispered quietly, letting his head hang low.
He perfectly knew that there was no point in crying but yet his eyes still felt wet, threatening to spill over at any given second.

“ No, no…” Hayato started one last desperate attempt to reach Haruna on his phone but of course it was futile.

The other had most likely already turned it on flight mode and Hayato had to face defeat too.
There was absolutely nothing he could do for his best friend anymore.

Well not absolutely nothing. He still could try and console the other.
Hayato wasn’t thinking twice before pulling Shiki into a tight hug.

“ I’m sorry Shiki-kun. I’m sorry…I tried…I really tried…”

“ What? It’s not your fault. If anything I gotta thanksie you-ssu…”

Hayato tried to believe that but he could feel the others wet tears soaking the fabric of his shirt as Shiki leaned against his shoulder, hiding his face there.

It didn’t help in making Hayato not feel guilty. He should have intervened way sooner. Those two were his best friends after all. If only he’d said something earlier…

“ Well…I mean Haruna’s not gone forever…he’ll be back one day…and I’m sure he’ll listen to you even then…and…and you can still call him once he’s settled down in America…and…” Hayato tried to say something, anything that would lighten the mood but he wasn’t sure if it was actually working.
All he could do was hold Shiki tightly and not try to start crying himself.

“ I can’t believe it…Harunacchi is gone-ssu” Shiki whispered out with that choked up voice of his.

“ Well…he might be gone…but we won’t forget him…” Hayato added, sounding absolutely serious.

….

“ I’d prefer if you don’t talk like I’ve actually died…”

“ Ah, it's like I still can hear his voice. Like he’s right there…” Hayato whispered.

“ That’s because I am right here you idiot”

It took a few seconds to dawn onto Hayato before he lifted his head up, the first thing he noticed was Jun and Natsuki looking like they just saw a ghost before his eyes settled onto the person who had spoken up.

“ HARUNA?!” he blurted out in shock, so loud, everyone was probably looking at them and letting go of Shiki who turned around so fast it was a wonder he didn’t experience whiplash.

“ Well at least you remember my name, huh?” Haruna said half-jokingly.

“ B-But…w-what? How? Huh?” Hayato stammered out.

“ Let’s just say…sudden change of plans…”

“ Are you even serious? I tried to reach you like a gazillion times and now…you are here…what?” Hayato sounded disbelieving, as if Haruna wasn’t actually there and he was talking to a ghost.

“ Oh it seems like I forgot to turn my phone back from flight mode”

“ You are unbelievable…”

This wasn’t like anything Hayato had ever expected to happen and he wasn’t sure what to do exactly.
His head moved to his left side, looking at Shiki who had been surprisingly quiet up until now, hiding his eyes behind his hair.
Maybe he was frozen due to the shock. Should Hayato say something?

Haruna was obviously thinking the same, moving a few steps closer to his boyfriend and trying to get a look at his face.

“ Shiki…?”

Hayato saw the slap coming before it even happened but Haruna wasn’t smart enough to dodge in time.

From the sound of it, that must have hurt pretty badly and Hayato hoped Shiki would never get this mad at him in his life.

He avoided his eyes not wanting to look at Haruna, who was looking shocked, holding his hurting, red cheek.

“ Ouch. Shiki, are you serious? That hurt you-” but Haruna stopped his rambling as soon as he could get a glimpse of his boyfriend’s face.

Instead of mad Shiki’s eyes looked so hurt, glistening with tears rolling down his cheeks and biting his lip to probably muffle his sobs.
His hand was shaking and still lifted ready to slap again if needed.

Haruna could understand. He had deserved that.

“ Shiki…” the other didn’t put up a struggle when Haruna pulled him into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“ I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

“ Stupid Harunacchi…I hate you..I totes hate you-ssu”

“ I know…I know…” Haruna whispered with a sight, burying his nose in black hair, tightening his grip around Shiki’s waist who silently cried into his shoulder, gripping Haruna’s jacket so tightly, like he was holding on for dear life.

Shiki must have felt the worst this past few weeks and Haruna had done his best to ignore it, like the idiot he was and now all that sadness, anger and frustration was finally flowing out of Shiki.

Honestly Haruna wouldn’t have been surprised if he got hit again but Shiki seemed too exhausted, too caught up in his own feelings to even think about it.

Haruna exchanged a short look with Hayato, thanking him silently, knowing all too well that it was because of his best friend that Shiki was even here in the first place.

Hayato only smiled shortly, giving Haruna a thumbs up.

“ Maa…all that running and searching made me kinda hungry and thirsty…I’ll guess we just try and get food from somewhere” Hayato said very casually, taking his boyfriend’s hand and knowing that all of his friends would most definitely get the hint.

Hayato fulfilled his task and brought his friends together. The rest was up to Shiki and Haruna now.

“ I definitely agree with Hayato. You two are excused for today but I expect to see you both tomorrow at band practice. Natsuki we are leaving” Jun noted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Haruna smiled lightly. That was so typical of Jun, telling Haruna that he still wanted him to be in the band although Haruna was the one to quit.

His friends all took their leaves and Haruna was left with Shiki still crying into his shoulder.

It was okay though. Haruna would stay right here, for as long as Shiki needed.
He wouldn’t go anywhere, not anymore.

People were most definitely staring at them but Haruna didn’t mind.
As long as they were together.

It must have been five minutes or so until Shiki had finally calmed down, slowly moving his head up to look at Haruna.

Even with his eyes all red from crying and black hair a tousled mess, Haruna couldn’t help but to think that Shiki was definitely the most beautiful human being he had ever seen.

Haruna, as gentle as always, let his hand rest on the other’s cheek, still feeling wet from the tears Shiki had spilled because of him.

Yet again Haruna made his boyfriend cry and he released a long, exhausted breath.
Honestly if anyone was an idiot then it must have been him for sure.

“ I don’t understand-ssu. Why are you suddenly…?” Shiki asked so timidly and quietly, like he was actually afraid of the answer.

Haruna knew that there were a lot of things they needed to talk about but the airport, with all the people bustling around them, wasn’t really the place for that.

“ Let’s go somewhere else first, okay?” Haruna suggested, placing a soft kiss to Shiki’s forehead who nodded in agreement.

~*~*~

Shiki was unsure what to say or where to even start although he had time to think about it after a whole long train ride.

Everything felt so unreal. The sound of the small waves, the sand crunching under his shoes, Haruna’s warm hand holding his own.
Maybe Shiki was dreaming and he would wake up at any second now and Haruna would be gone.

His eyes wandered over the water towards Rainbow Bridge. The sun had already started to set and soon it would be gone.

Shiki remembered his first days in Tokyo and how Odaiba Beach had been one of the very first places he visited.
How funny of Haruna to choose this place out of all the places. Like he had a sixth sense for this stuff.

“ I think here’s a good spot…” Haruna mumbled, stopping in his tracks which resulted in Shiki almost running into him.

Here it was quiet with not a lot of people due to the fact that it was actually still too cold for a visit at the beach.

Haruna had turned around to face him, never letting go of Shiki’s hand and Shiki tried hard to think about how he should start.

“ Shiki…look, I’m…” Haruna tried to start but was cut off immediately.

“ Don’t tell me you are sorry or that-ssu. Honestly, I don’t get it. You seemed so sure about going but now you are here. It’s like I’m dreaming-ssu.”

“ Believe me when I say that I don’t get it either. All this time, for so many years now…I was sure that being an English teacher is everything I wanted and I was ready to do anything for it”

“ Harunacchi…” this was Shiki’s chance. He needed to tell the other how he really felt. It was time to stop with all the pretending.

They were boyfriends after all so if Haruna really loved him then he would be ready to hear and accept Shiki’s raw, unfiltered feelings.
Shiki wouldn’t hesitate anymore as he carefully took the other’s hands in his own. They both looked at each other, long and intently.

“ Truthsie is…I never really wanted you…to go in the first place but I…I couldn’t bring myself to say that-ssu. So I pretended like I wouldn’t mind…but...in reality when you told us that you were leaving…I felt so hurt…still I knew being an english teacher was your dream and I just couldn’t be selfish and tell you that I don’t want you to go and make it hard for you-ssu”

Haruna had to gently smile at that. It was typical for Shiki…always thinking about anyone else first no matter how often Haruna had told him that it was okay to be selfish from time to time.

“ I didn’t want to ruin your dream by acting spoiled-ssu. However since you are my boyfriend…I figured I should be honest with you. If you really wanna go I won’t stop you…but I don’t know how to deal with that because I love you and I don’t want you to leave-ssu. I’m sorry…I should have said those words sooner…”

Taking in a deep breath of air Haruna tried very hard to sort out the chaos of words in his head, carefully squeezing Shiki’s small hands in his own. In the end Haruna had already made his decision so it shouldn’t be that hard.

“ Shiki, there's nothing to apologize for, really. I’m glad you told me how you really feel and I…I owe you an apology too. It’s not like I was completely unaware of your real feelings regarding me going abroad but I tried my best to ignore it because I was too afraid to talk about it properly. That wasn’t right of me…as your boyfriend I shouldn’t have dismissed your feelings like that. I failed you and I’m sorry I acted like an idiot.”

“ Huh…I guess we both messed up big timesy-ssu” Shiki mused the statement making Haruna chuckle delighted and wrapping the other in a tight hug.

“ Stupid isn’t it? And once again if it wasn’t for Hayato helping out. Honestly, here I am supposed to be older. We really do owe Hayato something…”

“ We do, huh? But Harunacchi, what will you do now? After all, you missed your flight-ssu. I want you to know that although I don’t want you to leave…I won’t stop you-ssu. Even if I want to..I can’t be that selfish and ruin your dream but what I said back then is still true…no matter how long you are gone…I’ll wait for you…I always will-ssu.”

Haruna’s lips twitched up into an almost amused smile because how come that Shiki was this cute without even trying and why did Haruna deserve to have such an amazing boyfriend?

“ Ooohh about that…” Haruna shrugged his shoulders like it wasn’t special, “ you know this past few weeks I thought a lot about what I want my future to be like and as I mentioned being an english teacher had always been my dream…at least that’s what I thought but in reality it really wasn’t. It was just something I felt like I needed to do because I thought I owed it to my mother to become a responsible adult. I just forced myself to believe that it was my dream but then on that fateful day in spring I met you. Life’s never been the same since then. We became friends and then even boyfriends and because of you I joined HighxJoker.”

“ And although it’s been a really rough journey from time to time I wouldn’t change anything about it-ssu” Shiki interjected with absolute determination in his voice, pushing himself away from the other to be able to look into Haruna’s eyes.

“ You know what? Me neither. Believe it or not but because of you I’ve learned so many new things and I was able to find sides of myself I didn’t even know existed until then. So when I think about the future now, it doesn't matter if it’s two years or five or ten years from now…all I can see is you. I don’t want to spend a life without you anymore even if it’s just for a short period of time I don’t want to be apart from you Shiki. Took me long enough to realize but I love you, I really, really, really do and I want to be together with you and make music together with everyone else as HighxJoker. I want to keep going and pursue that dream until we are old men. I want my future to be like that. Together with you…”

“ Harunacchi…does that mean you…?”

“ I’m not going anywhere from now on. I love you Shiki and if you want us too I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of our lives together and creating music with everyone.”

And all of a sudden it felt like there was such a heavy weight lifted off from Shiki’s shoulders that he wasn’t sure how he should react or what he was supposed to say.

Did Haruna mean that? Like how could that be? Why did Shiki deserve to be that happy? After everything that happened in the past, wasn’t it almost ridiculous for him to get a fairytale ending like that?

“ Stupid Harunacchi” he mumbled, hiding his eyes behind his arm, “ of course I want that. I love you too-ssu. Giga, mega, terra, max-ssu.”

It was too much for Shiki to handle. All that sadness, anxiety, the anger and suddenly he was feeling so happy, like he might explode if he started to feel too content.

“ What is it?” Haruna asked after Shiki had been quiet for way too long because this wasn’t like his boyfriend at all.
Shiki and quiet those two things normally didn’t go together.

“ I-I don’t know I just…” Shiki stammered out, still hiding his eyes behind his arms.

Haruna raised a suspicious eyebrow.

“ Say, are you crying?” he asked with a cheeky undertone in his voice.

“ W-What? Not at all-ssu. Don’t talk nonsense-ssu”

Haruna tried to get a better look at Shiki’s face but the other would just doge by moving in another direction and hinder Haruna from taking a peek at Shiki’s eyes.
They played that stupid game for what seemed like minutes until Haruna decided it was enough of moving around in circles.
So he just grabbed Shiki’s arm, moving it away from the other’s face knowing all too well that Shiki was too weak to put up a fight.

His boyfriend’s cheeks were tinted entirely red and Shiki looked at Haruna with turquoise eyes as big as plates, like he was completely caught off guard and just as Haruna had thought they were glistening with wet tears.

“ Nope. Not crying. Absolutely not” Haruna noted matter-of-factly.

“ S-Shut it. Don’t mock me-ssu. I…I don’t know…I’m just so, so, giga happy…I…”

Haruna didn’t answer, instead he engulfed Shiki into a tight hug.

“ Me too. Maybe I already said it too often but Shiki I love you.”

“ There’s no way you could say that often enoughsie-ssu. You know I love you too-ssu.”

They both simultaneously broke out into delighted giggles before Haruna let go of the other to reach out his hand.
“ Let’s go home.”

“ Yes-ssu” Shiki didn’t hesitate to take the offered hand and they both started to walk back together.

“ I guess from now on life’s going to become a bit different, with the audition and everything…” Haruna mused as he watched the setting sun.

“ Truesie-ssu. But honestly I’m not afraid at all because I know we’ll be together-ssu.”

“ That’s right but I guess if we succeed then it’ll get pretty stressful and we won’t have a lot of time for ourselves”

“ Can’t be helped-ssu. I meansie if you wanna be successful you gotta work hard-ssu”

“ Welp then I just have to rent you again to spend time with you” Haruna noted with a grin and Shiki snorted, almost offended.

“ Ya know I don’t do that anymore-ssu. Also I am your boyfriend already” Shiki stopped in his tracks, forcing Haruna to do the same and turn back to look at the other “ you don’t have to rent me out in fact you didn’t have to from the start because ever since that day at the arcade my heart has already been yours-ssu.”

It was probably the most cheesy thing to say but Shiki looked so firm about it Haruna didn’t dare to poke fun at him for that.
Instead he moved his free hand to let it rest on Shiki’s cheek, blowing a soft kiss to the other’s forehead.

“ That’s literally so cute. I’m a happy man to be able to take you home with me…speaking of that…” Haruna heaved a heavy sigh, “ I hope mom’s been able to get my checked-in suitcase back like I’m not joking if I say all my clothes are in there…”

Shiki released a blissful laugh, smiling from ear to ear.

“ Can’t be helped-ssu. We just gotta buy you new clothes then-ssu. Not a bad thing if you ask me because your choice of clothes isn’t very fashionable at all so leave it to me-ssu”

“ Wha-? Why you?” Haruna pouted though he wasn’t seriously offended, “ take that”

Shiki squeaked surprised when Haruna mercilessly started to poke his sides, trying to squirm away but Haruna wouldn’t let him get that far.

“ N-No..s-stop…H-Harunacchi….tickles…ssu” Shiki breathed out between shrill squeaks and giggles.

“ That’s what you get for being mean”

“ I’m sowwy…I-I’m sowwy…Harunacchi…s-stop”
“ Fine…but only because you apologized” Haruna said, stopping his attack and catching Shiki in his arms who slumbed against his chest all out of breath.

“ Harunacchi…you are such an idiot-ssu” Shiki complained half-heartedly.

“ Well so are you but we still love each other, right?”

“ Righty-right-ssu.”

They looked at each other long and earnestly, losing themselves in the other’s eyes before Haruna leaned in closer and Shiki instinctively let his eyes flutter close.

It was a kiss all warm and tenderly, making both their stomachs flutter but right here and right now under the setting sun it was the most perfect moment ever.

Maybe that they had met on that day in spring hadn’t been what people called faith and it was just a stupid accident because an employee slipped up but whatever it was that brought them together in the end, neither Shiki nor Haruna would ever wish to change anything about it...

~*~*~*~*~2 years later~*~*~*~*~

Haruna released a long and deep breath after his feet were finally touching solid ground again.
He’d never loved boarding an airplane having to be crammed into that enclosed space, especially not for 12 hours straight but luckily it was finally over.

“ Glad you are back, eh?” Yusuke asked with a small grin.

“ It’s just been a long month. I mean it was cool seeing all these things together with you but being back in Japan I kinda missed it…”

“ I’m pretty sure that’s not the only thing you missed” Ryu said like it wasn’t something out of the ordinary.

He was right though. After all one month had been a long time but there was nothing either of them could have done, it was work after all.
These last two years their lives had changed a lot.

Not too long ago HighxJoker was just your typical university band but now they were idols and people were crazy about them, paying to buy their CD’s and see them in various live settings.

There were also lots of other different idol groups at their office called 315 Productions and everyone was getting along well with each other like Haruna had been able to make so many new friends and now management has decided to send some idols of different units abroad together for a new series of CD’s including brand new songs..
Never in a million years had Haruna thought that of all the HighxJoker members he would be the one chosen to do that but here he was.

After one month of work in America he was finally back and god was he desperate to get out of that airport and home because he knew that those two were already waiting for him there.

Of course now that Haruna wasn’t just some random guy anymore he needed to be more careful about running around in public often wearing glasses, hats and that stuff because he didn’t want to cause a commotion and he was really glad that their Producer had organized a private transfer.

Truly Haruna liked the fans of HighxJoker because he knew it was only because of them that he could live the life he’d always dreamed of but after such a long flight he only wanted to be home and not put up with those fangirls.

Yusuke and Ryu were walking ahead, talking about something so none of them noticed how Haruna was suddenly grabbed from behind and pulled away behind some pillar in mid-walk.

Not even Haruna noticed until it was too late but he wasn’t afraid or anything, not even surprised because after all this time he’s already been awfully used to stuff like that happening because Shiki always did something unexpected.

“ Wow really now?” Haruna chuckled after they broke their kiss “ that’s what you decided to do?”

“ Of course Harunacchi I missed you too and I love you so much-ssu” Shiki answered pouting, “ so mean-ssu”

“ I’m sorry honey. Of course I missed you I just never thought you’d actually come to the airport”

“ Sure did. I mean Kencchi said I shouldn’t but…”

“ You didn’t listen…again” Haruna released a small laugh. Of course that was just like Shiki and it was one of the many, many reasons why Haruna loved his boyfriend so much.

Even two years later he was still utterly head-over-heels, it almost was ridiculous. A lot of things had changed in the past two years but not their love for each other, if anything it just had gotten so much stronger over time.

“ Well what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t just sit around at home and wait for you to come back-ssu. I haven’t seen you in sooooo long I thought I’d die-ssu. But I made sure no one saw me-ssu.”

Haruna released another breath, pushing the other against his chest, mindful not to squash the small animal in Shiki’s arms as he did so.
Finally, he was home again. Right where he belonged and though they had phoned each other like all the time Haruna had felt so lonely this past month and obviously Shiki had been just the same.

“ God I missed you…I missed you so much. I love you so so so much. I’ll never leave again” Haruna whispered, smothering Shiki’s face with lots of kisses smiling brightly when the small animal between them released a dissatisfied bark, “ of course I missed you too Kuma-chan” Haruna moved his hands to stroke through the white and brown spotted fluffy fur of the little dog in Shiki’s arms.

It’s been about half a year ago when they had decided to adopt a puppy together and of course Shiki had to name the little ball of fur Kumacchi but then again they both fitted together perfectly.

Kuma-chan, as Haruna liked to call her, was just as energetic as Shiki, running around and barking the whole day. It was almost surprising she’d been this quiet and well-behaved up until now.

“ So how was America? I wanna know everything-ssu! You gotta tell me everything-ssu! So many things happened-ssu. I have to tell you everything-ssu! But oh you must be tired-ssu. You wanna get home? It must have been so cool being abroad-ssu! I wonder if they send me too? What do you think? I wanna go to another country too-ssu!”

There he was going again talking without even breathing in between. Haruna knew that most people probably found Shiki’s high energy levels to be very annoying and irritating but Haruna loved exactly that about Shiki and also in those last two years Haruna learned how to shut the other up pretty quick if he got out of hand a tad too much.

Shiki was rambling on about foreign countries but Haruna didn’t really listen. Instead he just pulled his boyfriend closer, pushing their lips together ever so softly because he knew that this was the only way to rescue Shiki from suffocating because he forgot to breathe in between sentences.

Truly in only two years a lot of things had changed and never would Haruna have thought that his life would be like this but one thing would never change and that was their love for each other.
Shiki may have started out as a kind of Rental boyfriend for Haruna but in the end Haruna managed to snatch that boyfriend’s heart and he would never let go of it ever again…