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Sungjae placed his tray of dirty dishes on its designated area, sorting the bowls, utensils and the tray, which will later be collected by the dishwasher. He checked his watch stating he still have 30 minutes to spare before he returns to his military training. As he always did when he have spare time, he heads to his room.
Being promoted to his new ranking, Sergeant, comes with a perk: the freedom to use their mobile phones. Though they cannot bring it outside their rooms during their training, they are allowed to use it on their free time (lunch, during the night before lights off, and weekends). It helped them a lot to contact their friends and families outside, since they cannot accept visitors because of the pandemic.
For Sungjae, the messages he received frequently were from his mom and BTOB's group chat. His mom usually sends him a message at night, just asking how his day. The group chat with his members were always noisy, just sending random messages from time to time, but since four of the members are meeting up recently for the comeback, it has gone quiet.
Except today.
And Sungjae knew right there and then, something happened.
Ignoring the kakaotalk notifications, he unlocked his phone and clicked the green icon with a white capital letter N in the middle. With just a few click, he found it. Taking the #1 spot of the trending news. Joy and Crush's dating news. Moreover, it was confirmed by both agencies.
Sungjae sat on his bed and let himself fall back, closing his eyes as he his back met the mattress, memories of her last year flashing right in front of his eyes. The promise that they made on his birthday before the enlistment, the tight hug they shared before he got off the van at the day of his enlistment, the phone calls...
It was where it all began. The phone calls.
When Sungjae was still on the lower ranks, they are allowed to make only one phone call every weekend. His family and members knew that Sooyoung will be the first person in Sungjae's list to call once he got the privilege to do so, then his mom the following week and the members the week after next. Thus calling Sooyoung every two weeks, and that is if she's available, and more often than not, she was busy. Sungjae understood that. He's just frustrated of the only means of communication that they have, and that he couldn't do anything about it.
Being busy was not an issue for the both of them, prior to his enlistment. Sungjae believed that having no time for each other was the lamest reason for falling out of a relationship. Both of them are from a busy kpop group, but he made sure to go wherever she was for her schedule if he's free, calls her every night when both of their schedules were packed, and they both plan a vacation for the both of them to some peaceful city if their rest period matched.
It annoyed him that he couldn't do anything of those now. It scared him that he could lose Sooyoung just as everybody had predicted because of time.
Maybe it helped that he was at the edge of his mind every night thinking that he's losing Sooyoung, because when Sooyoung told him that they needed a break, Sungjae felt numb and accepted her decision. That surprised his members, his family and even Red Velvet members, saying how could he easily let Sooyoung go, or why didn't he fight for their relationship? If only they saw the forced smile she gave to him and the sad eyes that met his eager ones, they would know. He's not making her happy anymore and he'll do anything just to make her happy, even if it meant letting her go, because Sooyoung deserves happiness.
"Sooyoung-ah. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? You're here now, so I'm okay."
"I know five months have passed, but I'm still Sungjae. I know when you're not okay and I hope you still know that you can be honest with me.
"I'll ask you once again, Sooyoung-ah. Are you okay? Are we okay?"
"I'm sorry, oppa. I'm really sorry. I'm trying to be fine, but I think I depended on you so much that when you left, I felt lost and weak. It's like I don't know myself anymore besides being Joy of Red Velvet. Every calls from you that I missed messed me up and made me lose focus, and then I realized, I can't be like this. I need to find myself. I need to find MY own happiness.
"I'm sorry, Sungjae oppa, but let's break up."
"I understand, Sooyoung-ah. All I want is to make you happy and I failed you. I won't stop you, Sooyoungie. Go and find your happiness. Once you find it, don't let it go."
Months after that night, they kept in touch... as friends. After all, they were friends to begin with. Though Sungjae wished deep inside that this could lead them back to what they were before. He's willing to wait. No matter how long, he's willing to wait for her until she finds her happiness, in whatever form. Sooyoung could find a hobby, a place or someone that makes her happy, and Sungjae would still wait. He didn't think he could ever love someone other than Sooyoung. In the midst of their WGM stint, he knew he found someone he didn't know he was looking for.
He said he would wait, but it was harder than he thought when Sooyoung did find her happiness, someone that was not him.
Even before the news, he knew about her and Crush, or as Sooyoung called him, Hyoseob. When Sooyoung asked to meet up with him during his last vacation, he thought the day has finally come, that they'll be getting back together, his patience has paid off, but he was wrong.
The moment Sungjae saw her walking towards the cafe where they agreed to meet up, he knew it's not going the way he expected. She's different, he noted as she sat across him. The spark in her eyes were back, there was a visible glow all over her beautiful face, and the genuine smile that he already knew was not because of him. She asked him how he was, the members, his family. He knew Sooyoung was stalling.
”I'm happy you're happy." Sungjae commented, helping her out to break whatever it was to him, making sure that the smile plastered on his cracked lips reached his eyes. Never knew being an actor as well would be useful at a situation like this. God knows how much he wanted to genuinely smile at her, to let her know that he was happy for her because he was. But that he's hurting too.
"It's Hyoseob oppa." Sooyoung answered the unspoken question, her eyes glittering at the thought of the man. Seeing the confusion on Sungjae's face, she told him it was Crush's real name. Once again, Sungjae plastered the genuine happiness face for Sooyoung.
"You know I wish you always happiness. I'm really happy for you."
Sooyoung left after receiving a phone call from Crush, and that's the last time she ever heard of her. Except when he congratulated her on their comeback.
The first bell rang for the afternoon military training reminding them that they have 10 minutes left, bringing him back to the present time. Sungjae opened his private social media and the first thing that welcomed him were the messages of Sooyoung and Crush to their fans shared online. He couldn't help wonder as he read both of it. Sungjae and Sooyoung decided to not reveal their relationship publicly in order to protect Sooyoung from the netizens but now he wonders if things would have been different had they announced their relationship. Sighing, it's no use to think about what ifs, Sungjae thought as he replaced the phone in his drawer, locking it, and left the room after fixing his hair and shirt.
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