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To know what one truly wants and to know how to achieve one's goals are two of the hardest tasks in life; and like most young adults of his age, Kazuya has needed long to figure out who he is and who he wants to be, and to find the partner who will assist him in his endeavour…
Chizuru's hand, firm and reassuring, rest gently in his; and as they stroll along the streets of Ginza and Shinjuku, Harajuku and Aoyama (Kazuya has lost count of how often they've frequented these shopping districts), Kazuya is for once proud of himself (of his own appearance, not Chizuru's!) instead of recoiling in shame or beating himself up over the fact that Chizuru is much too beautiful and much too elegant for an ugly loser like him.
"I love your eau de toilette!" she chuckles as she leaves a quick kiss on his chin, and he points out that she is flattering herself because she has chosen it for him.
The last two months have been a revelation or rather a succession of revelations—the thirty minutes of daily training (weights, elastic bands, walking) have been raised to sixty and then ninety minutes (Kazuya once thought he had no time for this, but it was a lie like many other lies he had been telling himself: of course he had those ninety minutes of free time after cutting out social media, the news, and the porn). The results of the regular exercising have been showing: his stature, his posture, and his mental health have greatly improved. Chizuru has suggested dance classes on weekends (she says she will even join him), but Kazuya doesn't feel confident enough for them yet before he has implemented all the other changes.
The epilating has hurt like hell (at least in the beginning, before he got used to it), but it was so worth it! He doesn't need to use the epilator as often as he had to use the razor, and Chizuru loves running her hands over his smooth skin…
Chizuru has also chosen all the soaps, creams, lotions, and scents for him (Kazuya didn't know there were so many skincare products, and he had been so overwhelmed by the amount of choices he was facing that he had spent days reading instead of buying). One moisturizer, one facial cream, a body lotion, and a mild soap were enough, Chizuru has claimed, and chosen the best for his needs and his budget. One trademark scent (an eau de toilette, which was weaker than a perfume) also suffices. One can always add more later (they've added a stronger scent for special occasions). Less is more and quality is better than quantity when it came to beauty products. Chizuru seems right about that, just as she has been right about everything.
She has taken care that Kazuya can follow his beauty routine religiously: she even comes over every morning and every night to make sure that he always flosses and brushes his teeth, cleans and moisturizes his skin, washes and conditions his hair, and even rinses his eyes with natural tears dropperettes. He has joked that she might as well stay overnight if she spends most of her free time at his place, and she has said that she might as well start searching for an apartment they can share. He suspects that she means exactly what she says, and he is secretly looking forward to it despite his surprise at the direction of their relationship, which has remained ambiguous despite all the touching…
Yesterday she even gifted him a peeling and a few facial masks, and he literally broke out in tears in response to her gesture.
"I thought you would judge me for being so concerned about my looks," he admitted. "I thought you would laugh at me."
"Why should I?" She looked genuinely taken aback. "As an actress, I know how much effort one needs to put into one's appearance."
He also needed a new capsule wardrobe, she said, excited at the realization that they would go shopping together. Since he wants to change his style, they'll have to declutter his wardrobe and only keep a few fish-themed cotton T-shirts he is attached to, as well as his favourite beanie and scarf, and his best pair of sneakers and jeans. This morning they bought most of the necessities: a bright trenchcoat, a buttoned shirt with a soft ruffled collar; a cashmere pullover, a linen shirt, a pair of fancy shoes, and a tailored suit. They're now searching for a nice belt, a vintage silver bracelet or necklace, and nude-coloured cotton underwear. She knows exactly what he likes since they've looked at magazines together and taken notes. She has even made him read on how to care for high-quality clothes.
No one on the streets has called Kazuya a loser today; and if anyone had, Kazuya wouldn't have cared. Some people have thrown him curious glances as though they were trying to guess his gender and sexuality (most stylish men are gay, common consensus claims). Many people also seem envious of him, for once not because of the conventionally gorgeous woman next to him but because of his bright smile and easy gait.
He wonders why it has taken him so long to figure things out… why he had never been aware of who he was although he knew how much he had been staring at Chizuru's breasts, eyes, clothes, and hair… He had memorized every of her hairdos, outfits, and accessoires without understanding how much he wanted to be like her, to look like her, to walk like her, and how little this had to do with conventional romantic love. He had wondered why a person shone so much brighter when they were out of reach, thinking that this was normal when a man loved a woman. Only when he realized that he admired her effortless elegance in her loose robe and her toeless slippers more than he desired her body in her skimpy bikini… only when he lay awake that night, dozing, imagining, and dreaming that he himself was slipping into her slippers and putting on her muumuu dress, admiring himself in front of a full-body mirror, did it hit him that not only loving Chizuru but also worshipping her, idolizing her, becoming her, was what he had been craving.
The rental girlfriend service is interested in people like him, Chizuru informs him during their short lunch break. After the hairdresser's appointment, they're going to take a photo for his application documents if he still wants to join. A little makeup will suffice, she says (but she doesn't dare to do this herself, having no previous experiences with putting makeup on a man). Instead, it will be done by an experienced makeup artist, a friend of Umi-san's. Kazuya's wallet must be crying out in pain, but Kazuya knows that he will pull this off as he will always pull things off when he truly cares.
Chizuru must have sensed it long before he did. She has explained to him the true reason for her frustrating evasion whenever he tried to confess to her. She said she had always doubted his feelings and her own feelings although she didn't know why she doubted despite all the things they had gone through together, despite knowing that they cared for each other more than for anyone else. When he broke down and confessed to her that he wanted to be like her even though he wasn't sure what being like her implied, she suddenly knew what she wanted and what he wanted, and why they had been drawn to each other…
"You know, you would look great with a pair of silver stud earrings," she cheerily tells him as they step out into the busy streets for the second part of their shopping spree. "Nothing too feminine, but nothing too masculine either. And you might need to think of what gender you'll be known as from now on, but that can wait until you're ready for it… I'll love you no matter what you choose, so don't worry about me."
What an angel she is! How much he adores her! He doesn't know how their relationship should continue, as they're still lying at Grandma and there are still Ruka-chan and Mami-chan, who will surely expose them (although those two seem positively perplexed about the recent development)… But that's another story for another day. He will confess to Grandma after the dance classes, after the transition (if there will be a transition, he doesn't know yet); and he senses that this time, Chizuru will wait for him (or for her) just as he, or she?, has waited for her. Sexual progress is overrated, true love can wait for decades—although they might not need as long as a whole decade. In two years or three, Kazuya predicts as (s)he holds on to Chizuru's hand, they will be ready.