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Julian.
When Emma and I heard what had happen to Ty at the scholomance we immediately portaled there.
“I knew I should have never let him come here,” I tell Emma as we walk down the hall to his rooms, I hear some whispers from students hushing to their peers, rumors and gossip and things they’ve heard about what’s wrong with my brother.
“It’s not your fault Julian,” Emma squeezes my shoulder.
We reach his room, the one that I helped him move into a year ago, when I thought this was a good idea.
I knock lightly on his door and wait for a response.
“Ty?” I knock again.
Emma moves forward me and tries to open the door, it’s locked.
“Ty?” She knocks on the door louder than I did.
I pull out my Stele and start drawing on an unlocking rune.
Once I’m done the door creaks open and we’re presented with a dark room, with the curtains closed no lights on and light sobs.
I look towards the bed where he’s covered himself with the most amount of blanket I’ve ever seen.
He’s facing us but he’s not really looking at either us, he’s just quietly crying.
How could I let this happen to him.
“Ty,” I walk towards the bed to have a better view of him.
His eyes are bloodshot red with his face that is completely red and bags under his eyes, with years running down his face.
“Tell me,” I sit down next to him on the bed.
He shakes his head and sobs into his mattress.
I notice that his nails are bloody probably from picking them which is what he used to do when he was younger when he was anxious.
“Tell me Ty I can help,” I pull out a handkerchief and wipe the blood.
“I- Im so useless,” he sobs.
“I- I don’t want to breath anymore,” his voice muffles through the deep breath in.
“Don’t say that, Ty don’t say that,” I push his hair off his face.
“What happened?” I ask.
“I thought he liked me,” he says through a loud sob.
“Oh,” I say.
I look at Emma who’s already packing his things up.
“I was wrong, how could I be wrong? How could I be so dumb?” He hits his face into the pillow again and again and again.
“Stop, Ty stop,” I hold his head still.
“Who?” I ask.
He sniffles and closes his his eyes tightly.
“You don’t want to tell me who?” I ask.
For a moment I think Ty got involved with a kid here and it didn’t go as plan and I feel my heartache that these kids could hurt him that much
“He has a girlfriend, Kit has a girlfriend,” he says barely a whisper.
Emma and I both glance at each other, she gives me a soft smile and I nod at her to leave us alone for a little.
“How do you know that?” I ask.
“Magnus,” He takes sharp breaths in.
“He has a girlfriend but that doesn’t make you useless or dumb, it doesn’t make you less extraordinary than you are,” I say.
“Why can’t he want me?” He covers his face with his palms.
“It’s gonna be okay, just breath, okay, 8 seconds in 8 out,” I say.
“I don’t want to breath Julian, I don’t want to exist,” He sobs.
In this kind of situation I’ve learned that there’s nothing I can do to make him feel better nothing I can say to make him stop, and I hate that.
What I can do is stay with him until he calms down.
I lie down next to him and hug him tightly applying pressure on his shoulder while he cries into my chest.
“You’re coming to London with me for a bit are you okay with that?” I ask.
He doesn’t respond.
“Okay… where’s Irene? We’ll grab her and then leave,”
“Anush has her,” he whispers.
“Okay, we’re leaving in 30 minutes, I’m coming back,” I stand up and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me.
Emma is waiting by the door and when she see me she stands in front of me with a worried look on her face and furrowed eyebrows.
“Is he okay?” She asks.
“He will be,” I say, taking her hand.
“That was some coming out day,” she tries to joke.
I chuckle.
“Yeah,” I smile.
“So Kit, wow,” she says.
“Herondales,” I shrug.
“He really liked this Herondale though,” She adds.
“I know,” I stay quiet for a little, “we have to go get Irene, but I don’t want to leave him here alone,” I say.
“I’ll get Irene you stay with him,” Emma says.
“Thank you, he said she’s with Anush,” I say leaning down kissing her forehead.
I go back inside the room and he’s still lying on the bed but now he’s stopped crying which I think is an improvement and he’s rubbing his fingers on one of the necklaces he has on, I noticed it was a bird, a heron to be more specific, Herondale.
“He gave you that?” I ask kneeling on the floor next to his bed.
He nods.
“He told me he loved me, he told me he loved me and I messed it up, I didn’t care, I ignored him. And now- I’m an awful person,” He says.
“You’re many things but awful isn’t one of them,” I say, which I thought would make him feel a little better, it didn’t.
“Listen Ty. You don’t just tell anyone you love them I promise you that if Kit is anything like the past Herondales he still loves you, you’d be surprised how many people you can love,” I say.
“I want him to love me the way I love him,” Ty says quietly.
“You love him?” I ask.
He stays silent.
“I think I’ve always loved him, I just didn’t know, but now.... Now he probably loves her,” he says.
I look at my little brother who’s not so little anymore, my brother who’s turning 18 soon, my brother who’s heart is broken by some boy with a huge secret.
“I don’t mean to be cheesy, but love isn’t supposed to feel good all the time,”
“I know but I thought….it’s just-“ he trails off and never finishes the sentence.
“My chest feels… it hurts, and I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” He says.
“Over time you’ll feel better,” I say.
“I don’t want to forget it Jules, because I’ll never forget him,
“I know,” I say.
He stop fidgeting with the necklace and reaches under his pillow and then pulls out a letter.
“Can you throw this?” He asks handing it to me.
You don’t have to be a genius to know it’s probably a letter he was one day gonna send to Kit.
“I’ll hang on to it, you might need it again, you know later,” I take it and put it in my jackets pocket.
“You know in London there’s this place 221 Baker Street, we should go see it, it’s not the far from Blackthorn hall.” I smile trying to lighten the mood.
“Irene has never been to London, I don’t know how she’ll adapt.” He says.
“She’ll adapt fine just like you will,” I say.
“I’m gonna come back, to Scholomance.” He says.
“If that’s what you want,” I say.
“It is,” he says.