Chapter Text
Riza misses Roy more than she thought she would.
Her father valued his work over her, it’s the reality she’s come to accept. Their large mansion had never seemed too big until her mom died and now, with her friend gone.
Riza has been too busy to be lonely most of her life. There was her studies, cooking meals, doing the laundry, cleaning the upstairs, the downstrias, the attic, the basement, the garden, helping out the neighbors when they came knocking. She lived too different of a lifestyle than the girls she tried to connect with at school. It left her down on her luck in the friendship department until someone only a few years older than her literally moved into her house.
Her father took Roy Mustang on as an apprentice the second it became obvious that Riza would never be able to master alchemy. It stung, for a while. She wished he would spend just a little more time with her, wait a couple more weeks before giving up on her for good. She chastised herself for having such thoughts. Her father was a dedicated, hardworking man and didn’t have time to watch over someone who couldn’t even learn the basics of alchemy. She didn’t have the right to be upset. It reminds her of the pitiful look her mother gave her as she neared the end.
Having Roy (Mister Mustang is too formal, please call me Roy) around was a welcome change. They didn’t see each other a lot at first, he remained in the study with her father while she skittered around the house, trying not to evoke the wrath of her father. When they finally crossed paths for more than a few seconds, it was in the kitchen.
She dropped a plate and had been staring at it blankly for a few moments, uncomprehending. Riza doesn’t even register him entering her space until she feels a hand on her shoulder. “May I help you with that? It’s good practice for me.” She understood what he meant a second later as he crouched down and started drawing an array around the shattered plate. “There we are, good as new. Is there anything else I can help with?” He stood back up and dusted his pants off, having to tilt his head down to look her in the eye.
It was handy, having an alchemist around.
She led him around the house, showing him the window that wouldn’t close and the broken shelf above the laundry bin. “I appreciate it, Roy.”
Their interactions were short but meaningful, to Riza at least. He’d walk with her to the grocery store on Wednesdays, pick up the dishes after dinner, sit down with her and help fold the laundry. It made her feel bad at first. It was stupid for her to get overwhelmed by household duties and she should not be asking help from a guest, but it made her days just a little bit better. Roy became someone she could talk to or sit in companionable silence with while doing their own tasks. They brought their textbooks and study materials to the grand table so they could work side by side for hours.
Sometimes, they would go days without seeing each other, both too wrapped up in their own lives. Other times she wouldn’t be alone for the entire day. It was something that Riza cherished. She got to know more people around her hometown in those two years than she did in her whole life. They would get stopped while walking down the main road and somebody would ask for them to come over so Roy could fix whatever was broken with his alchemy.
It became something of an inside joke in their community. Roy would prance around, waiting for someone to come to him in need of assistance. He walked away with a self assured smirk that charmed their small town.
It made her laugh and laugh every time.
He even helped her with her school work sometimes, which her father never did! Most of the time it was equations and sciences that he could help in, effectively useless in other subjects. Riza took great pleasure in educating him on classic literature.
This time though, it was a bit different. She had to learn to dance.
Now, Riza was a very coordinated and balanced young woman but it seemed that her skills did not outweigh her two left feet. She was humiliated in her classes and decided it would be better to try to figure it out at home and come back prepared. When would she ever need to know how to dance anyways?
She locked herself up in her room and looked at the printed instructions for what felt like hours. She tried to practice quietly, but apparently took one too many tumbles because she eventually heard a knock at her door. “Miss Riza, is everything alright in there? Did you fall?” The bruises on her legs said yes so she rolled down her pants more and stood again. His muffled tone continued through her closed door, devolving into worried muttering so she swung it open the next second.
“Nothing to worry about Roy, I’m just working on something for class,” she assured. His face turned to one of surprise.
“Can I ask what you’re doing?” She weighed her options. On one hand, he would definitely laugh at her because he’s a huge jerk who’s good at everything. On the other hand, he’s a huge jerk who’s good at everything and could probably figure out the steps better than her, if he already doesn’t know how to dance. Gah, she must have hit her head since asking Roy about this seems like a good idea.
She sighs. “I have to figure out this dance by the end of the week. I think it’s some type of ballroom? I’m not really sure, all the terminology is really confusing.” She passes him the paper she’s been learning off of without looking at him.
He hums, “I see.” Roy scans the paper before handing it back to her, a crooked smile on his face. “I’m familiar with the style, I could give you some pointers?”
Riza accepted after a moment. “Let’s make this as painless as possible,” she muttered under her breath. He must have heard her since she caught him with his face all screwed up, trying to withhold laughter. “You shut up, I’ve had a very trying day.”
His expression smoothed as he let out a chuckle. “I’m sure you have. Now, stand over there where there’s a bit more room and we can start.”
He watched her for a little bit, stood off to the side as she twirled and spun in a four step pattern. He instructed her from the doorway and didn’t approach until her third fall. “Let’s try something else,” he said. “You’re going to feel a bit unbalanced since this is a partner dance and you’re doing it alone. Is it alright if I step in?” She didn’t really know what else to do so she agreed quickly.
He stood facing her and offered a hand. She interlocked their fingers and rested her other hand on his shoulder. His other arm was hovering somewhere over her waist, but not touching. It was a little awkward, with them being about a foot apart and him having a good couple of inches on her. Her arm was extended to reach his shoulder and his hung low a couple centimeters away from her hip. Their coupled hands rested at her head level.
He cleared his throat, “Then you turn this way, step over here, and I’m going to spin you. Sound okay?” She nodded and followed him as he moved. She stuttered and stumbled, stepping on his toes multiple times and making him wince. She saw him try to remain a pillar of calm and detachment but failed.
It was a full twenty minutes later when they got everything perfect for the first time. She nearly wept with joy but settled for squeezing Roy’s hand and smiling. “Thank you.” It was over an hour he spent with her, doing nothing but helping her and ignoring his own work. She recognized that she shouldn’t be moved by that fact but she was, so she decided to make his favorite for dinner that night.
The two years that Roy Mustang spent at Hawkeye Manor with her were some of the best. The space became used and more lively than ever. Riza knew more people now as well, with all of the times she visited with Roy when they needed him. It made everything feel not so lonely.
Then, he left for the military. Her father despised his choice and refused to share the secrets of flame alchemy with him. Roy was gone the next morning after a rushed goodbye to Riza. “I’ll be back,” he said. “We’ll get in contact again.” She didn’t question the logistics of the statement, nor try to slow him down as he walked down the manor’s stairs and straight out the door without looking back.
Riza hadn’t had a lot of people in her life that she could miss.
She mourned her mother and loved her dearly, but death was something that happened and there was no use grieving for years when nothing ever changes. She wouldn’t come back and it didn’t take Riza very long to understand that fact.
But Roy on the other hand, was a living breathing person somewhere far away from her that she wished she could see again. She wished she could see him when she sat down to study alone, when she washed her and her father’s dishes, as she hung up the clean laundry.
She missed him when her father held her still and told her not to move as he drove a needle into her back over and over again, for the good of his research.
But just like with her mother, she came to accept the fact that he was gone and she would meet other friends in her life. It was so cold in the house.
It felt like a lifetime had passed by the time her father’s illness worsened. He had been sick for a while, but had similar ideologies about the doctor as he did the military. It was on one of his worse days that he barely managed to rasp, “Call Mustang.” She ran to the other room to do as told and soon received the news that Roy would be coming back in a few days.
Her father was always angry with her these days. He didn’t want her in the room and he didn’t want to hear from her. It was almost a relief when he let Roy in, though the hurt that came from it made the relief fleeting.
Roy had grown up. His back was straight and his face was serious, but his eyes remained warm. He was only able to talk with her for a few minutes before he had to go meet her father. He was up there for a few hours and she made herself busy. She found herself interrupted when a door slammed and Roy came running down the stairs. The look on his face filled her with dread and she knew what he was going to say before he got a chance to open his mouth.
Riza knew her father wasn’t getting better. She knew he was probably going to die like her mother and then she would be alone again. She sometimes goes weeks without seeing him, knocking on the door only to be told to leave whatever she’s brought at his door.
It’s exhausting. Emotionally, constantly being shot down when she tried to reconcile their relationship. And physically, she puts a lot of work into taking care of the two of them and the house.
She just never really processed that he was going to die in this house with her and she would have to figure out what to do next. She thinks she still loves him but she’s not quite sure. She hasn’t been able to stop flinching when she sees him after the tattooing. This isn’t the kind of love she reads about in her books. It’s painful and broken and she almost wishes she didn’t care for him.
But she does.
And now Roy is in front of her, watching her worriedly and reaching out before snatching his hands back. “I’m sorry, Miss Riza.” He’s never stopped calling her that. It took her two weeks to get him to stop calling her Miss Hawkeye and they never moved on from there.
It was familiar. It was warm. The house seemed to brighten up just a little bit.
“I am too.”
Roy ended up helping her with the funeral arrangements. She was too out of it to argue and he insisted. It was after the few people that had gathered left when she moved to get his attention. “I want to show you his research.” Roy’s head jerked up from where it was bowed and met her gaze. He had told her about his career path, his aspirations. He wanted to help people, leave the world better than how he found it. She doesn't know much about alchemy, but Amestris practically runs off it and Riza is sure that he’ll find a way to help people with her father’s research. “Let's go to the study.”
He asked her if she was sure five times while they walked. “I know he didn’t want me to have it. Well, he didn’t want the military to have it.”
“It’s not his to keep or give anymore. He entrusted it to me and I can do what I choose with it. Sharing his research with you is what I want to do, so stop worrying.” He smiled at her for the first time that day.
“Of course, Miss Riza.”
He looked awfully confused when she sat him down on the sofa and left the room. She slipped off all of her upper layers and carefully wrapped her jacket around her chest before going back to the room.
She sat in front with her back facing him, showing the detailed array in her skin. “He said that it was too dangerous to just have lying around. This is what he came up with.” She couldn’t help but feel bitter. This isn’t something she wanted. She couldn’t go swimming or wear her favorite summer dresses. And now, she was sitting with Roy basically topless.
Roy stayed silent behind her which did not help calm her nerves. It was only when she started shaking just slightly that he stood up. “Let’s get you more comfortable then, if you still want to do this,” he said with a tight smile. His hands were drawn up in white knuckled fists and his eyes were dark and mirthy.
He looked angry.
But not at her. Never at her.
They got settled on the couch. He was writing the array down and muttering to himself as he went. They took a few breaks, got some lunch, but for the most part they spent hours in that room. “May I?” he asked, fingertips just grazing the hair covering the last part of the tattoo on her neck. She hummed her assent and he gently tucked her hair behind her ear.
When he finished, he stood and cracked his knuckles while Riza put her jacket back on. He was appreciative, she knew. Having this information could change the course of his career in every way he wanted. He didn’t seem happy with the way he obtained her father’s research though.
Riza tried to block out the memories of lying face down in her father’s study, and biting down on a towel to keep from screaming. She remembers the heat and the pain and thinking I don’t want this. She knew Roy was grateful for everything her father taught him but did not agree with his lifestyle. His views on the military. How he treated Riza. It was almost reassuring to have Roy angry for her. It made something click in her head that this was a thing she could be upset about.
She felt extremely guilty for not being sad about her father’s death. She felt obligated to let him put his research onto her. She didn’t consider all of the consequences, she had been young. She got muscle spasms and flinched when people got near her back. She knew she had been shivering and shaking the majority of the time Roy looked at her back, and was glad to see that he seemed more upset with the circumstances than with her.
He kept watching her after they finished up and started walking towards the door of the study. She didn’t realize he had stopped a few steps behind her until she opened the door. He had that ‘I’m going to apologize for something that isn’t my fault’ look on his face and Riza stopped him before he could start. “Don’t. Please don’t say anything.”
His expression shifted to one of understanding and he walked up until he was just a few inches away. He held his arms open and she got the message.
Her arms came up around his neck and his wrapped around her waist. One of his hands came up to her neck and she dropped her head on his shoulder.
She lost track of how long they remained there.