Chapter Text
“It looks great,” Jimin’s mom said when they stepped inside the house that belonged to their new neighbors. His small hand was held by his father’s bigger one, stopping him from being able to look around as much as he wanted to. He tried pulling to get away as it was his first time in this house. The grumpy old couple who lived there before had never invited them in. Years of curiosity were waiting to get loose. Or maybe not years, but in Jimin's head, it was an eternity.
“Stop, Jimin,” his father told him. “Say hello first and then you may ask if you can look around.”
Jimin looked up at his dad before he noticed the two other grown-ups standing in the hall. The urge to get free wasn’t as strong as before, and while he took a step closer to his father’s legs he mumbled a “hello”.
“Hello, you’re Jimin, right?”
The other man smiled at him when Jimin nodded. He was a bit shy when it came to strangers but as long as they were nice he didn’t mind.
“We have a son too,” the woman said and looked around. “Yoongi, come down here and say hello.”
Jimin heard footsteps running on the ceiling over him and small thuds when he saw a boy rushing down the stairs. He stopped at the foot of them and watched the guest.
“This is Jimin, and his mother Misook and father Junghoon,” the woman said and gestured him to come forward for a proper greeting.
Yoongi was taller than Jimin but had the same black hair. He didn’t seem to be shy at all. He greeted his parents politely and gave Jimin a quick look. Then he saw it, the thing that would make Yoongi the coolest person he had ever seen. He had a hoodie with spiderman on, the superhero that at the moment Jimin was completely crazy about.
It wasn’t an ordinary hoodie with a spiderman picture on it as Jimin had himself at home, no, the print made the hoodie look like a jacket that was covering a spiderman suit underneath as if it was being ripped open. Jimin had never seen anything like it before.
It was with big eyes he took a step in front of his father to get a closer look.
“Dad, it’s spiderman,” he said and pointed while throwing a quick look at Junghoon.
“Ah look at that,” his father said. “Yoongi, you like spiderman?”
Yoongi looked down at his hoodie. “Yeah, he’s cool, I have a big poster in my room too.”
“You do?” The shyness slipped away as excitement took over.
“Yoongi, why don’t you show Jimin your room,” Yoongi’s mother said. “And we’ll be down here if you need us.”
Jimin looked up at his parents as asking them for permission.
“It’s okay, go and have fun,” Misook said and ruffled his hair.
Yoongi was already halfway up the stairs when he turned and waited for the other. Jimin hurried after him, making the stairs a fun game by climbing it on all fours.
While getting up the stairs Jimin looked around. There were a few boxes in the corridor, a clear sign that they hadn’t yet moved in properly.
“Mom said I could make a fort with all the boxes when we have unpacked everything,” Yoongi said when noticing Jimin staring.
Jimin perked up. “Can I be here when you do that?”
Yoongi shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
When he disappeared into one of the rooms Jimin followed quickly, he couldn’t wait to see that spiderman poster so he ran the last few steps.
Jimin looked around, noticing it was a big boy’s room. The bed wasn’t a kid's bed he had at home. It had one colored sheet, the types Jimin only saw in his parent's bedroom. And Yoongi also had a few shelves with movies, his stereo, and a few CDs.
The spiderman poster was above his bed, and next to it there was a big poster with a guy screaming into a microphone. There were toys in different places in the room, but they were neatly put on different shelves or the window frame.
“I have magazines with spiderman if you like him,” Yoongi said and walked to his dresser to open it. “My dad gave them to me, they are really old. I have some other superheroes too.”
They were old, so old the paper was a bit yellow when Jimin took one to open. He got on his knees to place the magazine on the floor, looking at the pictures. It was a bit different from the spiderman he was used to seeing but it was still cool.
“You can borrow it to read if you want to,” Yoongi said and gave him two others.
Jimin looked at him and then at the magazine again. “I can’t read.”
Yoongi sat down opposite him. “How old are you?”
“Five,” Jimin told him proudly. “How old are you?”
“Seven,” Yoongi said and opened another magazine.
“Can you read?”
Yoongi snorted. “Of course, that’s the first thing they’ll teach you in school. And counting.”
Jimin smiled. “I can write my name.”
Yoongi looked at him, narrowing his eyes a bit.
“I can show you,” Jimin said, very eager to impress his new friend.
Without so much of a word Yoongi got up to gather a paper and a pen and gave it to Jimin. He had practiced writing his name many times so it wasn’t that hard, but he tried to make it as fancy as he could. When he was done he proudly looked at it, because if he would say so himself, it was one of the nicest ones he had written.
Yoongi took the paper from him and looked closely at it. “If you want to you can borrow the magazines and look at the pictures, or practicing reading if you want to.”
“Can I?”
Yoongi got up from the floor and went over to his noticeboard where he had some painted pictures. He nailed the paper with Jimin’s name on the board and looked at it.
“Yeah, you can.”
***
When Jimin was seven years he and Yoongi had the routine to spend most of their days together. Yoongi usually followed Jimin to and from school, and they did stop on their way to the playground to climb the climbing wall almost every day. Yoongi who had grown taller didn’t struggle with the wall, as Jimin had trouble with a few steps. But when they had both gotten to the top they could hide in the little space up there. It was almost like a treehouse, and there was a slide for them to go down. Sometimes they read magazines or sometimes they played games or competed about who could climb the fastest or who could hit the trashcan with stones they found in the sand. When it should take them ten minutes to go home it often took them an hour, and more often than not Jimin’s parents came to get them if they stayed too late.
One day when they were walking home from school, Jimin had his backpack with pokemon on it. It had been an early birthday present from his grandparents and he had happily been prancing around with it on his back, even on recess.
Usually, Jimin left his bag in the sand while they climbed the wall, not caring much about it. But this bag needed to go up there with them so it wouldn’t get destroyed or even worse, stolen. Also, Jimin really wanted to show it to Yoongi up close.
“I can put it on my back,” Yoongi said and threw his own bag over the wall first, knowing that Jimin’s needed extra care.
Jimin gave it to him, trusting that Yoongi was the perfect person to keep it safe.
While he struggled with the wall Yoongi climbed up without trouble. He sat patiently while Jimin crawled up, then giving his bag back to him.
“It’s nice,” Yoongi said. “I saw you wearing it all day.”
Jimin smiled. “If you open it it's shiny on the inside.”
He opened up the big pocket and the inside reflected the sunlight. Yoongi put his hands over his face.
“It’s too shiny, it hurts.” He laughed, his gums showing while he turned to his own backpack.
“Your bag is boring.”
Yoongi tilted his head. “I have the coolest bag, it’s my favorite band.”
He pointed to the name on the front of the backpack.
“Yeah but it has no pictures,” Jimin stated.
Yoongi rolled his eyes and the next second he pulled out a blue little device. It had a screen with two round buttons and another that looked like a plus with arrows on it. Jimin’s curiosity spiked.
“What’s that?”
“It's a Gameboy,” Yoongi said and crawled over to sit next to him. “I bought it yesterday with the money I have been saving doing extra chores. My mum helped me with most of the money but I finally was able to buy it.”
“What does it do?”
“You play games on it,” Yoongi explained. “And I think you’re gonna like this.”
Yoongi turned it on and a few seconds later Jimin could see the word pokemon over the screen.
“You can play pokemon-games?”
Yoongi nodded. “I played all night yesterday. Do you wanna try?”
Jimin took it carefully in his hands when Yoongi handed him the Gameboy.
“You’re gonna move with these,” he said and made sure that Jimin got it right.
Jimin had seen pokemon games before, so it wasn’t anything new to him. But he didn’t know he could play it like this. His legs shook with excitement as he had trouble keeping them still.
Yoongi smiled. “Careful so you won’t drop it, Jimin.”
The last thing he wanted to do was destroy it, so he stilled at once.
“I actually had to sneak it with me today because my mom told me I couldn’t bring it to school, but I wanted you to try it.”
For at least half an hour Jimin sat there playing Yoongi’s Gameboy while the other sat next to him explaining what he should do. Yoongi had the greatest patience as Jimin kept failing and needed to do things over and over again. But the other was letting him figure it out on his own until Jimin asked for help.
“I want one too,” he said when Yoongi mentioned that they should probably go back home and took the Gameboy back.
That second he could hear his dad calling out his name.
“Jimin, time to go home.”
Yoongi grabbed the boys' backpacks while they took the slide down to the ground.
“You can always wish for one on your birthday,” Yoongi said and greeted Junghoon.
“Dad, I want a Gameboy for my birthday,” was the first thing Jimin told Junghoon. “And I want to play Pokemon on it.”
His father hummed as an answer, knowing that this wasn’t the last he would hear about it.
The three of them walked the short walk back to their houses and Yoongi followed Jimin up to his door while his dad went inside.
“Can I play tomorrow again?”
Yoongi nodded. “Yes, but mom will probably be mad at me for taking it to school so you probably will need to come over after dinner.”
“Can I come over right now?”
Yoongi laughed. “You can come over whenever you want.”
***
Maybe Jimin took the coming over whenever he wanted too literally, but Yoongi didn’t seem to mind. Because when Jimin was ten years old he could probably count all the days he hadn’t been over at Yoongi’s on one hand. Usually, they played on their Gameboys. They loved to buy new games together and try them out, lying on Yoongi’s bed shoulder to shoulder for hours. It had always been the two of them. Of course, while they both were in school they had other friends, but at home, they stuck together.
Jimin never thought about the possibility that it would be anyone else but the two of them, and when the older started middle school he didn’t think too much about it. Yoongi would only be in another part of the building with new classmates, nothing else would be different. So the one day Jimin came over, as usual, everything seemed to be the same. Yoongi’s mother opened the door and welcomed him inside.
“Hi, Jiminie,” she said with a smile. “Yoongi is in his room.”
Jimin nodded and kicked his shoes off, then headed towards the stairs.
“Wait a sec,” she interrupted him. “Yoongi have a couple of friends over. They’re up there playing video games, and I’m sure they don’t mind that you play with them if you ask politely, alright?”
Jimin looked at her for a second, the words were foreign to him. Yoongi had never had a friend over, certainly not two. It wasn’t that he wanted Yoongi by himself, but the thought of sharing him was a bit new. Anticipation bubbled inside his belly as he walked up the stairs. He reached Yoongi’s closed door, which was the second thing that wasn’t normal that day. Yoongi’s door was always opened when Jimin entered, and he was always the one who closed it before joining Yoongi on the bed with his Gameboy.
He could hear voices from inside. They were loud, and Jimin could hear one use a swear word. Jimin wasn’t fond of those words, but he ignored them. It was easy to open the door without too much noise, and when he did he saw the three boys sitting on the floor with their backs leaning against the side of the bed. They all had their back towards him, not noticing the newcomer.
They were playing video games. Jimin knew that Yoongi had a couple, but he didn’t recognize this one. But at the same time, they always played on their Gameboys so he wasn’t sure about Yoongi’s other games.
When Jimin closed the door the three looked back at him.
“Hi,” Yoongi said with a low voice before he turned to the television again.
The two others threw Jimin a look but didn’t say anything. He mumbled a hi and stood still for a few seconds figuring out what he would do. Then he decided to take a seat on the small chest that stood against the wall. That way he would be turned to the boys but at the same time be able to see the TV. By now the three of them had gone back to their game as if they had forgotten that he was there. Except for the one look one of the friends threw at him while sitting down.
For a few minutes Jimin sat there watching the boys having fun without acknowledging him, but it was okay because Jimin didn’t know much about the game anyway. He didn’t want to get in the way and was fine just looking.
“What game is this?”
The curiosity took over when Jimin raised the question. He looked at the three boys again waiting for them to answer, and while Yoongi didn’t even throw him a look, his friends answered instead. “It’s new.”
It wasn’t a real answer. But Jimin took what he could get so he decided that it was enough. It looked fun, with the three of them running over the same course with different characters trying to be the one getting to the finish line first. One of the characters was a dog with sunglasses who could fly and Jimin thought he looked fun to play.
Ask politely, Yoongi’s mother had told him.
“Can I try, please?”
Jimin expected Yoongi to lean forward handing him the last control, inviting him to play along. Because that was what Yoongi did. He took care of Jimin and always made sure he knew how to play and made him a place to sit.
But Yoongi’s eyes were glued to the screen, and it was like he hadn’t heard the question.
“No, it’s my game,” the boy who had answered his last question said. “Kid’s can’t play it.”
It was like an ice cube had been dropped on Jimin's back, running down his spine. Sure, he had met other kids who didn’t want to play with him, but that was in school. When that happened he could only go to other classmates and play with them, or go to a teacher and tell. But what should he do here? Going down to Yoongi’s mother and tell her that Yoongi’s friends didn’t let him play the game wasn’t that tempting. But he didn’t know how to respond in this environment, Yoongi’s house had always been very welcoming.
Then it was being called a kid. Jimin furrowed his eyebrows, he knew that he was a child, yes, but he was only two years younger than Yoongi, and he figured that these two other boys were the same age.
But Jimin was always good at being polite so he didn’t say anything and stayed quiet for a minute and just looked at them playing again. Yoongi hadn’t said a word and that confused Jimin. Because Yoongi always took care of him.
While it was quiet for a few minutes again, the boy who had talked to Jimin threw him a few looks. He whispered something to his other friend, just to have them both looking at him. Yoongi was still quiet with his eyes on the screen.
“Who are you?” one of the boys asked. Not that he sounded at all interested, but rather questioning why he was there.
“I’m Jimin,” he said and looked at Yoongi who met his eyes for a second. “I’m-“
“He lives next door,” Yoongi said quickly, looking at his friends again.
This was another thing that threw Jimin off. The two had never stated that they were friends or whatever but Jimin didn’t think that Yoongi only saw him as his neighbor. He didn’t think of Yoongi as only his neighbor.
“This is Caleb and Minho,” Yoongi said and met Jimin's eyes as he gestured to the two.
Caleb was the guy who had been talking to him, the one who owned the game. Jimin didn’t like him, and it felt like it went both ways. But if they were Yoongi’s friends then they had to be good, because Yoongi was good.
“Do you always follow Yoongi around?”
Jimin furrowed his eyebrows.
“Um, no…” he said with a low voice, not knowing where Caleb was heading. “I don’t follow him. We usually play with our Gameboys. I have the latest pokemon-game.”
Jimin hoped that this would impress the boys a bit because he had been saving for it and it was pretty popular.
The two boys shared a look, and Minho covered his mouth with one of his hands, shoulders raising a bit. Caleb looked amused.
“Yeah, pokemon is really cool,” Caleb said and huffed out a laugh.
Jimin smiled. “I like it.”
“So you play pokemon, Yoongi?” Caleb asked and turned to the other.
Jimin looked between the boys and Yoongi. He didn’t understand, Yoongi looked down at the floor while the other two laughed. Wasn’t it good that they took an interest in Jimin? But the situation made him uneasy.
“I play because Jimin wants to,” Yoongi said and shrugged. “But this is more fun.”
Jimin’s smile dropped. Yoongi didn’t like playing pokemon? But they had always done that together, and Yoongi was just as excited as Jimin when a new game came out. Had Yoongi faked it only to make Jimin happy?
Was Jimin only a nuisance to the other boy?
“Let’s play another round,” Yoongi said as if he wanted to change the subject. Caleb and Minho turned towards the television again, getting ready with their controls.
Jimin’s shoulders slumped but accepted defeat as he looked at the screen to see the other start another race. But as soon as he had leaned back on the wall Caleb turned to him.
“You should go home and play pokemon if you love it so much.”
Jimin stared at him, getting smaller under the other’s gaze. When he looked at Yoongi to see what he had to say about it the older looked away as soon as their eyes met.
Jimin got up on his feet.
“Okay,” he mumbled. “Bye.”
It was a surreal feeling when he walked out the door and down the stairs and crossed the hall to get to the front door. This house had always been welcoming, and the only times he had been asked to leave was when his parent or Yoongi’s parents told them it was getting late and he should go home, but even then Yoongi always protested and tried to get them to agree on a sleepover. But this time he hadn’t said anything.
Jimin had felt unwanted sometimes at recess in school, but never at home, and never at Yoongi’s. With fast steps, he entered his house and ran up to his room. He could hear his mother greeting him, probably wondering why he was home so early.
Jimin closed his door behind him and picked up his Gameboy to do exactly what he used to do this time of the day. Play pokemon. He couldn’t even remember the last time he played at home, and his bed felt ten times bigger when he didn’t have Yoongi next to him.
A knock on the door.
“Jiminie.”
Jimin hummed as to let Misook know he heard her.
“Why are you home so early?” she asked. “Did something happened at Yoongis?”
Jimin concentrated on the game, not looking up. “He had two friends over.”
“Oh,” his mother said and came in to sit on the side of the bed. “Did they want to play by themselves?”
“Mm.”
A hand caressed him over the head. “You know Jimin, Yoongi is growing up. If he wants to play with some friends after school then you’ll have to share him, okay? He’s in a new class now and getting new friends is a part of that. I’m sure you can play with them tomorrow if you asked nicely.”
But Jimin had asked nicely today too, but they still had told him to leave.
Jimin turned on the side, facing away from his mom, with the Gameboy close to his face. In the corner of his eyes, he could see his mother leaning to get a look at him.
“They weren’t mean to you were they?”
“No.”
Jimin didn’t know if they had been. Maybe Jimin had just been in the way. They were Yoongi’s friends, which meant they had to be good.
Misook rubbed his back. “Okay, but if they were you should tell me.”
“They weren’t.”
Jimin hoped he fooled her. The last thing he wanted was for her to know how sad he felt, and he wanted her to leave the room.
With a sigh, his wishes came true and he felt the weight on the bed disappear and footsteps out the door. Jimin’s bottom lip jutted out and tears started pressing their way forward from behind his eyes. A part of him wanted to run down and tell his mom what had happened but he didn’t want to put Yoongi in a bad situation. What would Yoongi do if Jimin blabbed about Caleb and Minho behind his back? Would he ever want to be his friend again?
***
Jimin saw Yoongi with Caleb and Minho at school the next day. And while he hoped that Yoongi would come home alone that afternoon, he wasn’t sure that would be the case.
He had been right, when he looked out the window after dinner, he could see the three of them outside on the empty lawn opposite Yoongi’s house. It was not strange for the kids in the neighborhood to come there and play soccer. Jimin had never seen Yoongi play before, and he was sure he’d never seen him with a ball at all. They didn’t do sports when they were together.
Jimin wanted to go out there, his whole body wanted to take him to the hall, putting on his shoes, and run out to ask if he could join them. They seemed to have fun.
Apparently, he stared too long as his mother came up behind him.
“Ah, is that Yoongi’s friends?”
Jimin nodded.
“If you go out and ask nicely I think Yoongi will let you play with them,” Misook said and smiled at him. “They seem to miss a player too so they would probably be glad to have a fourth.”
Jimin wasn’t sure that it was the case, but he chose to listen to his mom either way. He really wanted Yoongi’s friends to like him.
He went to the hall and put on his shoes and a hoodie. Except for gym class he hadn’t played soccer before. Maybe they would find it fun to teach him.
With careful steps he walked over his lawn, crossing the street to the boys. Caleb and Minho were closest to him, and Yoongi was a few meters behind, waiting for the ball to be kicked to him.
“It’s Yoongi’s tail,” Caleb said and exchange a look with Minho.
Jimin didn’t like that, but he was there to make them like him and didn’t want to start a fight, not that he would have dared to either way.
“Can I play with you, please?” he asked, standing straight and met the boys' eyes. If he asked nicely they would be nice to him too. His mom had always told him to be nice to people and then they should be nice back.
“Can you even play?” Minho asked.
Jimin bit the inside of his cheek. “I have played a bit in school in gym class, so I know the rules.”
Caleb and Minho looked at each other for a few seconds and Jimin met Yoongi’s eyes. The other boy hadn’t said anything yet, and still was standing at the other end of the lawn. Jimin didn’t think Yoongi looked like he wanted to be there either.
“It’s not gonna be a fair game if you gonna play with us,” Caleb said with a bite. “No ones gonna wanna play with someone who can’t play.”
Jimin looked between them. “But Yoongi hasn’t played a lot either, so maybe it will even out the teams?”
Now Jimin could see Yoongi perk up, looking at him when he spoke his name.
“Yeah, but Yoongi’s not a kid,” Caleb said and turned away. “Go and play with pokemon instead.”
Jimin didn’t know what he did wrong. Wasn’t he good enough to play with them?
The uneasy feeling of being unwanted hit him yet again, but bigger than the day before.
“I- okay,” he mumbled and turned away.
Yoongi had still not said anything, and when Jimin quickly looked at him while walking away he had turned his head away. It was as if he didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
In the corner of his eyes, he could see Minho whisper something to Caleb. And they both laughed quietly.
Jimin wasn’t curious at all about what it was, but when he heard one of them calling after him he stopped.
“Okay, maybe you can play with us if you do exactly what we say,” Caleb's voice could be heard.
Jimin turned around, looking at the smiles on the boys' faces. He didn’t know why they had changed their minds but Jimin wasn’t the one to question it. He wanted to play with them.
“Okay,” he said and skipped back. “What do you want me to do?”
Caleb smiled. “You can be our goalie, and we will try to score.”
Jimin nodded. He knew what a goalie did, and if that was what he needed to do then he would do it. He had watched a few games at the recess in school and mostly the person in front of the goal only needed to stop the ball with their leg or reach after it with their arms or hands. It didn’t look that difficult.
Caleb grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the goal, and it was by now Yoongi came up to them. He hadn’t said anything the whole time but now he looked worried.
“Jimin hasn’t played much,” he said with a low voice. “I can be a goalie instead.”
Caleb turned to him. “No, if he wants to play with us he needs to be able to stop a few balls.”
Jimin looked at the scene in front of him. Minho was standing with the ball under his arm while Yoongi was a bit behind them.
“I’ll start,” Caleb said and took the ball to place it on the ground. He turned it a few times in his hands before letting it fall on the grass. When he was straightening up and looked at Jimin he felt uneasy. Calebs looked mean, and when he took a few steps back he watched Jimin intently.
It wasn’t that Jimin had ever been afraid of playing ball sports, but now he didn’t want to stand in front of that goal anymore.
Without Jimin reacting, Caleb had run forwards and kicked the ball his way. Jimin didn’t have a chance to look where the ball was going as the next moment there was a painful sting against his cheek, making him lose his balance to fall backward. With a hard thud, he landed on his back, creating more bruises on his body.
He covered his cheek with his hand, and while his head was buzzing, he could hear laughter at a distance. The pain wasn’t that bad, but it was the shock that made his eyes tear up. But crying now would make him even more of a baby, so he did his best to hold them in.
With a bit of a struggle, he got up on two feet.
“Are you crying?” he heard Caleb say with a mocking voice.
Jimin straightened up, removed the hand from his face, and looked up at the boys. No way would he let them believe he couldn’t handle playing with them.
“N-no,” he said and brushed the grass off his butt.
Caleb and Minho exchange a look.
“I think he is,” Minho said to Caleb and they both swallowed another laugh.
Jimin shook his head, trying as hard as ever to let those tears stay hidden.
“I am not, it didn’t even hurt,” he lied and picked up the ball to have something to do. “I’m fine.”
Caleb looked him up and down, clearly amused by the situation. “Oh, alright, then if you’re that fine, let’s go again.”
Jimin held a strong hold on the ball, not wanting to. But if he had to do it to prove he could play with Yoongi and them, then there was no other way.
Caleb took a few steps forward to get the ball from Jimin’s grasp when a hand grasped his upper arm, pulling him back.
“Leave him alone!” Yoongi yelled and placed himself in front of Jimin, not letting Caleb near. While Minho’s face dropped Caleb furrowed his eyebrows.
“What’s your problem?”
Jimin took few steps backward. He didn’t want to cause a scene and didn’t want to be the reason Yoongi fight with his new friends.
“You are my problem,” Yoongi snarled. “You hurt him.”
Jimin had never seen Yoongi fighting and didn’t think he was capable of hurting someone else. But now he gave Caleb a hard push so the other fell to the ground. Not with the same force as Jimin, but Jimin quietly hoped that it hurt at least a little bit.
“What are you doing?” Minho protested but Yoongi only had to look at him once before the boy stepped back again.
Caleb on the other hand looked angry, getting up on his feet. “It wasn’t even that hard, and he said he was fine.”
“It doesn't matter,” Yoongi said. “It wasn’t fair, you did it on purpose.”
“I did not, how could I know that he would get it in the face,” Caleb bit back. “He should have stopped it with his hands. That’s what a goalie does.”
“But he hasn’t played that much and you shouldn’t have kicked it so hard,” Yoongi argued. “That was just mean, you wanted to scare him so he wouldn’t wanna play with us.”
Jimin looked at Yoongi. The truth dawned on him. He had wanted to play with them so badly he hadn’t even thought about that.
“Why do you care so much?” Caleb asked. “He’s annoying. Don’t you wanna hang with us?”
Yoongi shook his head. “He’s my friend, and if you’re gonna be mean to him then I don’t wanna hang out with you ever again.”
Yoongi turned to Jimin and took the ball out of his grasp. Then he walked up to Caleb and pushed the ball into his arms, making the other take a step back.
“Go,” he said. “Take your ugly ball with you.”
Minho looked at Yoongi. “Come on, Caleb. Let’s go.”
Caleb was grinding his teeth. “Thought you were cool, Yoongi. You can go and play pokemon with your baby friend if you think that’s so fun.”
Minho had already started walking away, he tried grabbing Caleb's shoulder. “Come on, Caleb, let’s just go.”
“Don’t think this means that you can hang with us at school,” Caleb cursed and let himself be dragged away. Still facing Yoongi.
“Don’t really want to,” Yoongi bit back and was about to turn to Jimin.
“Fuck you, Yoongi!” Caleb said.
Jimin winced, he knew the word and knew that he shouldn’t be saying it. But he had never been involved in an argument where somebody had said it to another. It was only the kids in school that only caused trouble that said those words sometimes. And when they did, their parents were called.
“Yeah, fuck you too,” Yoongi said back before turning them his back. This had Jimin react a second time, because never had he thought that that word could leave Yoongi’s mouth.
When they made eye contact, Jimin couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. It was because of him that Yoongi fought with his friends, and now they didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. It was because Jimin couldn’t leave them alone or stop a stupid ball.
Then it was the pain, his cheeks, and his butt. It was a relief when he let the tears escape. But as they did, he refused to stay there. So while Yoongi tried to get to him, Jimin turned around and started to run away.
“Jimin, stop,” Yoongi yelled after him. “Please wait.”
Jimin felt a hand on his underarm and was pulled back carefully.
“Don’t go.”
Jimin’s bottom lip quivered, making him scrunch his whole face up trying not to let it all out at the same time.
Yoongi hugged him, pushing Jimin’s head close to his shoulder so he could cry hidden against his sweater.
“I’m sorry your friends didn’t like me.”
“No,” Yoongi sighed. “No, Jimin, don’t be sorry. They were stupid.”
Jimin pulled back and dried his cheeks with his arms. “But I was in the way. I shouldn’t have come out to play with you. I made you lose your friends.”
Yoongi looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. “Sit down.”
Jimin did what he was told and sat on the grass with his legs crossed in front of him. Yoongi sat down opposite him. While Jimin looked down at his hands, Yoongi touched him carefully on his bad cheek, trying to see if he was alright.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Jimin nodded. “It stings a bit, but much better than it was before.”
“Good,” Yoongi said. “And please don’t think that you made me lose my friends because they weren’t even that funny to begin with. They only wanted to play boring games or soccer.”
Jimin looked at him. “Then why did you hang out with them?”
Yoongi sighed, looking at his hand for a few seconds. “It’s stupid.”
In Jimin’s eyes, Yoongi had always been perfect. He was the perfect friend, who always made the right decisions, and who always knew what was right. That was why Jimin looked up so much to Yoongi. Because he didn’t think the other could do anything wrong.
“It can’t be that stupid,” Jimin said.
“Yes, it can,” Yoongi stated. “Jimin, it’s really stupid. And I can’t believe I went along with it?”
“With what?”
Yoongi sighed again. “Like, in my class, everybody wants to be friends with Caleb and Minho. Because they always have these new things to show, like games and stuff. But they are also really good at sports. Soccer for example. But basketball and stuff too, and everybody always wants to play with them in school.”
Yoongi looked at one of the goals on the grass, plucking some straw from the lawn to throw at it, not that it went far.
“But they always choose who can play with them, and if they invite you, you’re will be popular too. And people will like to listen to what you’re saying and wants to be on your good side. It’s like you’re important.”
Jimin's head fell to the side, not hearing the problem. “That doesn't sound that stupid.”
Yoongi shook his head. “They’re mean to people, Jimin. Like they were to you.”
“Oh,” Jimin bit his lip.
“They never really bullied me,” Yoongi continued. “But they did to other people. But I didn’t know them and I thought that maybe it wasn’t that bad. Then they started talking to me and asked me if I wanted to play with them after they saw me play basketball. And it was easier to say yes than to say no because everybody wants to play with them. And it felt kind of good to be the popular one in the class. So when they wanted to come home and play video games I didn’t want to say no. But then they were mean to you asking you to go, and I just didn’t know what to say. And I didn’t dare to tell them off because then I wouldn’t be popular anymore. And that makes me so angry because I let them physically hurt you before I stopped them.”
Yoongi looked down, not reacting when Jimin took his hands in his.
“But it’s okay-” the younger said.
“No, Jimin, that’s not okay,” Yoongi cut him off and met his eyes. “Don’t ever let anybody treat you like that. Not even me. You didn’t do anything wrong, not yesterday, not today. It was them who were mean, and I should have stopped them right at the beginning. That’s what a real friend does.”
Jimin nodded. He had stopped crying a while back, but his eyes were still red and puffy.
“I’m sorry,” Yoongi added. “You’re my best friend, and I will never behave like this again. I promise.”
Jimin smiled, feeling his cheeks heating up. “I forgive you. And you’re my best friend too.”
“I’m glad we don’t have to hang with them anymore,” Yoongi said and got on two feet. “Can we play pokemon today?”
Jimin nodded. “But Yoongi, there’s one more thing.”
Yoongi looked down at him, reached out a hand to help him up. “What?”
“You shouldn't have said that bad word,” Jimin said and accepted the help. “What if your parents had heard you?”
Yoongi snorted. “He said it first.”
“You shouldn’t have said it anyway.”
Yoongi chuckled. “I promise that I won’t say that word again… in a while.”
***
Yoongi held one of the two promises. By the time he was fifteen he had said the bad word at least a hundred times, still without his parents knowing it. Jimin had gotten used to it, even if he didn’t say it himself yet. But the other promise, about him standing up for his friend when he needed it, was never broken. And Jimin knew that Yoongi had done pretty well for himself in his class without needing to be friends with Caleb and Minho. He had a few friends that even Jimin had met and he was always welcome to hang with them if they were at Yoongi’s. Jimin liked them, and by now, three years later, he considered them his friends too.
Jimin had started middle school a year earlier, and that meant that he and Yoongi could walk home together again as their days ended at the same time. This, Jimin thought, was the best part of starting middle school.
They had grown out of stopping at the playground to climb the wall, but instead opted for going home to Yoongi after school, and often spend their afternoons doing their homework on Yoongi’s bed. This particular day Jimin didn’t have homework, but he took one of Yoongi’s magazines and sat down on the bed to read while Yoongi doing his work.
While Jimin sat leaning against the wall at the foot of the bed, Yoongi build a backrest with all his pillows and sat down while placing his legs over Jimin’s knees. This was how they usually spend the time, and if Jimin needed help with anything, he only tickled Yoongi under his feet. But when Jimin didn’t have homework, like today, he let Yoongi’s feet rest peacefully on his knees while he used them as a table.
While Jimin waited until Yoongi was done, he had almost finished the whole magazine. When Yoongi closed his books with a sigh Jimin looked up at him, watching as the other put his homework back into his bag.
“Done for today?”
The older nodded and leaned his head back on the pillows.
Jimin closed his magazine to start playing drums on Yoongi’s legs, getting the other's attention. They usually played video games after homework, and Jimin wanted to get started.
Yoongi raised his head and looked at him. With his bag still on his lap, he threw a look inside it. With one hesitant movement, he pulled a small photo from the bag and handed it over to the younger.
It was a girl in Yoongi’s age in the picture, smiling at the camera. It was one of those annual photos you took in school, with the ugly blue backdrop.
“Who is this?” Jimin asked.
He couldn’t remember ever seeing her anywhere, and Yoongi had never had any friends who were girls over before.
Yoongi straightened up a bit, a smile playing on his lips, even if he tried to hide it.
“Her name is Minji,” Yoongi said. “She’s in my class.”
Jimin kept looking at the photo, he had no idea why Yoongi was showing him this.
“Okay,” he answered.
“She’s my girlfriend.”
At these words, Jimin halted. Yoongi had a girlfriend? Since when?
It wasn’t that it was anything bad about it, he just hadn’t thought about the possibility that Yoongi was interested in having a girlfriend. It was only the older teenagers who wanted to have girlfriends and boyfriends. The ones who were in high school.
“Why do you have a girlfriend?”
Yoongi rolled his eyes and took the picture back, looking at it himself. Jimin crawled over the bed to sit right beside him, also looking at it.
“That’s a stupid question,” Yoongi said.
Jimin furrowed his eyebrows. “But I didn’t even know you wanted a girlfriend.”
“It just happened.”
Jimin couldn’t figure out how getting a girlfriend could ever just happen. But if Yoongi was happy with it, so was Jimin.
“She’s cute though,” Jimin said and nodded at the picture. “I like her hair.”
Yoongi smiled. “Yeah, I think so too.”
It went silent for a moment before Jimin raised his eyebrows, looking at the other.
“Have you kissed?” He whispered the question, holding back a giggle.
Yoongi’s cheeks got a hint of a red but he nodded as if the was the most normal question Jimin could ever have asked.
The younger scrunched his nose. “Ew.”
The older slapped him on the arm, laughing. “You’re such a kid, that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do.”
“Then I will never get a girlfriend.”
Yoongi turned towards him, tackled him down on the bed, and tickled him. “Oh, you say that now. But soon you’re gonna be jealous that I have kissed a girl and not you.”
Jimin squealed, trying to get away. “Never.”
***
It wouldn’t be Jimin’s turn for a first kiss until two years later. He was fifteen and had started his first year in high school. Subin began talking to him the first week, and she had confessed another month later. She was pretty, and Jimin liked her. She didn’t think much about what other people thought of her, and when she told Jimin that she liked him, she didn’t pressure him to respond directly. After a few days of talking to Yoongi, Jimin knew he wanted to give her a chance.
Their first date was a movie. Subin had told Jimin about one she wanted to see, so he thought it would be perfect. Afterward, they took a walk in the nearby park, and when sitting down at a bench she had leaned forward in the absolute right moment, and then their lips had pressed together.
It was weird.
No, Jimin liked it. But he also expected more. Subin’s lips were soft and she smelled like perfume. Jimin wasn’t sure about what to do with his hands so he awkwardly held them on his lap.
When Subin pulled away they smiled at each other, got up, and continued their walk.
Everything had been romantic, the setting and the build-up. But wasn’t there suppose to be butterflies in the stomach when you had a crush?
Jimin had thought that they would show up when he kissed her, but their absence was still clear. Could it be that he’d built up this moment so much in his head that he was bound to get disappointed? That this was all it was. Maybe Jimin just had seen too many romantic movies or read too many fanfics about his favorite band members.
After he followed her home Jimin took the fastest way to the old playground near his house. For a few years, he and Yoongi hadn’t spent any time there as it was for kids, but now it was the perfect place to talk undisturbed. Later at night, all the children had gone home so he and Yoongi found a safe place to share their thought without their parents being in the next room.
The wall seemed smaller, even if Jimin knew he was the one growing up. The climb up was no longer a struggle. When he came up to the top he pulled out his phone to send a text to Yoongi.
The older had known that Jimin was out with Subin, and they had already decided to meet up. So when he sent the text it didn’t take many minutes before he could hear someone started climbing underneath him.
Soon enough Yoongi’s dark hair was seen. A few seconds later the rest of Yoongi came over the wall and he crawled into the little space.
“So, how was it?”
Jimin smiled. “I think it was good. The movie was great.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, crossing his legs in front of him, still a small smile on his lips.
“Don’t talk about the movie, was the date good?”
Jimin nodded, looking down at his hands. They fiddled with a grass straw that gotten stuck under his shoe. It was good, except for the kiss. But it wasn’t that it was a bad kiss. But he just didn’t know how it was supposed to feel when you kissed for the first time.
“Did you kiss her?” Yoongi asked and wiggled his eyebrows. His smug smile reached his ears.
Jimin’s felt the heat on his cheeks.
“Yoongi,” he whined and threw the grass straw at him.
The older laughed quietly. Jimin knew that Yoongi had experienced a lot of kisses since his first. And now he even had a new girlfriend. It wasn’t that Jimin felt disconnected from Yoongi in any way, but he recognized that Yoongi was more mature than he was. He even looked much older. In the last years, Yoongi had gone from a short teenager with a lot of baby fat still on his face. Now, he had grown taller than Jimin, even though Jimin pointedly told him that he wasn’t that tall every time he teased him about it. His face had gone from looking like a kid to more like a young adult. And in another year, Yoongi would be an adult, and would even be able to take his driving license. Jimin sometimes wished that he could experience all Yoongi’s new stuff together with him, and not two years afterward when it wasn’t even a big deal for Yoongi anymore.
Like now, when Jimin thought his first kiss was much more embarrassing to talk about than Yoongi.
“Come on, did you?” he asked again, still a smug smile on his lips.
Jimin slapped him on the knee. “Yes, okay, we did.”
The other leaned back against the wall, showing off his gummy smile. Jimin dared to look up at him, just to get even warmer cheeks when Yoongi raised his eyebrows slightly.
“Don’t laugh at me,” Jimin told him.
Yoongi shook his head. “Why would I be laughing at you?”
The younger shrugged.
Yoongi leaned forward again and tried to meet Jimin’s eyes.
“Were there any tongue?”
Jimin groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Yoongi sniggered again. “Come on, seriously Jimin, I’m curious. How was it?”
Jimin let his hands fall to his lap again and leaned back against the wall with a sigh. “It was good, she had soft lips. It tasted like popcorn.”
“Was there any-?”
“No there was no tongue,” Jimin exclaimed and kicked the other’s leg.
Yoongi snorted but kept a smile on his lips. A silence landed between them for a few seconds and Jimin furrowed his eyebrows.
“What is it?” Yoongi asked.
Jimin fiddled with the shoelaces. “I don’t know if…”
He thought about what he was going to say. It was hard describing it. Yoongi had never told him how his first kiss was like either. But he always got the feeling that when people talked about first kisses, it was all sort of emotional rollercoaster. Jimin wasn’t sure there wasn’t any rollercoaster of any sort, except maybe his confused thoughts.
“The kiss wasn’t that big of a deal that people make it out to be,” Jimin said and shrugged.
Yoongi narrowed his eyes. “Is this you trying to play it cool? If so, please stop.”
Jimin sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. “I don’t know. There weren’t any butterflies.”
“There weren’t any what?”
Jimin gestured with his hands. “Butterflies. You know, in the stomach. Isn’t there supposed to be butterflies there?”
Yoongi stared at him for a few seconds, so long that Jimin began to think he was crazy.
“Yes, there are.”
Yoongi’s short answer caught Jimin off guard.
“There are?”
Yoongi nodded again. “Yes, I had them during my first kiss. And I have them every time I kiss someone I like for the first time.”
Jimin’s shoulders dropped, not liking that answer.
“I didn’t feel them,” he muttered. “What does that mean?”
Yoongi leaned forward to pat Jimin’s knee. “I can’t tell you what you feel, but if you feel like kissing Subin isn’t anything you want to do again, you should just tell her that and you guys can keep being friends, okay?”
It was disappointing because Jimin thought that he liked Subin, but not in the way he wanted.
“What if she gets sad?”
“It’s a possibility,” Yoongi said. “But be honest with her okay, it’s not only about your feelings, but hers too. If she gets upset you gotta respect that and keep a distance if that is what she wants, okay? It is what it is. Sometimes you just don’t klick.”
Jimin smiled weakly. “Sometimes there aren’t any butterfly-kisses?”
“Exactly,” Yoongi said. “And sometimes, there are.”
***
A year later Jimin still waited for his butterfly kiss, but even with a couple of dates with a few girls, it hadn’t happened. It wasn’t any secret that Jimin was popular in high school, and there were a lot of girls that had a crush on him. But Jimin was not that interested. It always turned out the same, after the first kiss he didn’t feel anything. Sometimes, after he talked to the girl, they agreed on a second date to still try things out but it wasn’t better. In fact, kissing someone a second time was even worse. Jimin didn’t like it at all, and he felt more and more desperate about it.
Yoongi on the other hand maybe wasn’t as popular in his grade, but he had kept girlfriends for more than a first kiss. When he was in his senior year at high school he had his third girlfriend, Hana. And this time it was different, even Jimin could tell. His two earlier had been shorter relationships where Yoongi mostly hanged out with them in school. But Hana had been introduced to his parents and spent some time at home with him. Jimin had gotten to know her as much as his other friends.
They had been together for almost a year by now and Jimin was used to her being at Yoongi’s in the afternoons, or him being over at her place. Even if he was a bit jealous that he hadn’t even found anyone like that, he was happy for his friend.
Jimin liked Hana, so much that he hoped that she and Yoongi would be together for a long time. She never babied him as Yoongi’s other girlfriend sometimes had done, and they shared similar interests. More often than not they ganged up on Yoongi in trivial discussions about music.
But as much as he liked her, he knew that his friend had some decision to make in the near future. Yoongi was a senior, and Hana too. Which meant that if they didn’t want to go to a college in the same city, they would have to face what that meant.
One afternoon Jimin went over to Yoongi after school. Hana was already there when he entered the room.
“Hi, Jimin,” she said and got up from the bed. “I was about to leave.”
“Hi, oh okay,” Jimin said and stepped aside while Hana leaned down on the bed to kiss Yoongi goodbye.
Jimin looked away, a bit embarrassed with what he saw. Then Hana turned to him and hugged him goodbye. After the door closed a silence filled the room.
Yoongi laid back on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Jimin sensed that it was something bothering him. Hana had also seemed a bit off, even if he couldn’t tell what it was.
“How are you?” he asked.
He sighed. “Well, you know the university I want to go to?”
Jimin nodded, knowing that the university Yoongi was talking about was on the other side of the country. When he had first heard that Yoongi wanted to move away for college he hadn’t thought much about it, because he felt like it was far away in the future. But the closer they got, the more Jimin tried to ignore the fact that Yoongi was gonna leave.
“Yes. Did you tell her about it?”
Yoongi sat up and leaned against the wall. “Yeah, I did. But she wants to stay nearby and go to college here.”
“Are you guys gonna break up?”
Yoongi bit his lip. “I don’t want to, I really don’t. I want to try long-distance, but how often does that work out? And for what, four years until we both finished with school?”
“What does she say about that?”
“She doesn't want to talk about it,” Yoongi mumbled. “That’s why she left. But we’ll have to soon. I don’t want to break up with her.”
Jimin nodded, looking down at his hands. “I will miss you.”
Yoongi looked at him, a smile growing on his face. “I will miss you too. But we will always be friends. I’m not gonna lose you, right?”
Jimin shook his head. “No, but it doesn't mean that I won’t miss you like crazy when you’re gone.”
Jimin swallowed the lump in his throat, knowing he couldn’t possibly start crying about this right now. It was still a few months before Yoongi would leave. There was still time for them to hang out.
“This makes me kind of happy that I don’t have a girlfriend,” Jimin chuckled, trying to release the tension in the room. “I don’t have to worry about stuff like this.”
“That’s because you’re not a senior,” Yoongi said and snorted. “And you focus too much on getting a girlfriend. Try to not think about it and it will happen.”
Jimin slapped him on his knee. “It’s easy for you to say when you haven’t kissed girl after girl just to realize you didn’t like it.”
Yoongi shrugged and looked at his phone.
“Maybe you just don’t like girls,” he joked and made himself comfortable on the bed.
“I like girls,” Jimin snapped back.
Yoongi met his eyes. There was a couple of seconds with total silence in the room. He looked perplexed as if he didn’t understand why Jimin reacted the way he did. But Jimin didn’t look away, making sure that his friend understood that he very much liked girls.
“Okay,” Yoongi said. “Of course, you know best.”
Jimin nodded, relaxing a bit.
He liked girls, he was sure of that. Repeatedly, he was gonna tell himself those exact words for years to come. Before he dared to explore that part of him that was still hidden behind the denial. But he wasn’t ready for that yet.
***
It wasn’t without tears that Yoongi and his family left the house only about a year later. They had packed their car full with their belongings while another truck had left ahead of them. Jimin stood in the empty room that used to be Yoongi’s with the other next to him. They were holding hands, as they did when they needed to comfort one another. They both needed it. Jimin lost his best friend, and Yoongi, he lost his best friend and the home, where he had most of his memories as a child.
Yoongi was the one who was losing the most this day, but Jimin seemed the saddest. Not that the older wasn’t sad, but he had another part of his life he would explore, going to university and meeting new people and getting to know a new city. Jimin would live on just like before, but now, he couldn’t go over to Yoongi’s after school or talk to him over the climbing wall during the nights. His life would be the same but at the same time totally different. He felt like he would lose a part of himself with Yoongi.
They didn’t say much when they stared at the empty walls and unusual clean window. Jimin could notice that all the marks on the wall, that had been caused by Jimin and Yoongi playing too much or did something recklessly, had been covered and painted over. All the little details in Yoongi’s room that made it his were now gone and Jimin couldn’t believe that he would miss an ugly mark after he and Yoongi played spiderman as kids.
“We will talk on the phone every day,” Yoongi said but didn’t look at Jimin.
The younger hummed, still with his hand in the others.
“And I’ll tell you how uni is,” he continued, his voice a little thick as he tried to keep his head up.
“And I tell you how life here is,” Jimin said with a low voice, not even trying to hold back. “Without you.”
He added the last with a whisper, and with that Yoongi turned towards him. They locked eyes for the first time since they entered the room together.
“Jiminie,” Yoongi whispered, with a pleading look on his face. The tears were glittering in the corner of his eyes, and he did everything he could to not lose his grip on the situation.
“Yoongi,” Jimin said back, a tear already started to roll down his cheek.
“You can’t make this harder for me than it already is,” he took a deep breath. “I can’t leave if you’re gonna be like this.”
“Then don’t leave,” Jimin sniffed, a full flood of tears running down his cheeks. His throat hurt because of all the hulking. He didn’t care that his crying was loud by now, it didn’t matter if their parents heard them because they all knew how much they meant for each other.
“You don’t mean that.”
Jimin shook his head. Of course, he didn’t mean that, how could he stop his friend from starting his life.
“I wish I meant it,” he said instead. “I wish I could be selfish but I won't, I promise.”
Yoongi took a few steps, closing the distance between them, and engulfed him in a hug. Then they stood there, in silence. They didn’t need to say goodbye, this was their way of ending their life together as next-door friends, now, they would be long-distanced friends instead. And they needed to learn how to deal with that.
When ready they walked out from the room, the house, and onto the driveway. They left the house for the last time together. Jimin promised himself that no matter who moved in there he would never go inside again.
At the driveway stood their parent, weakly smiling at them when they came hand in hand. They knew how tough this had to be for the boys and when Yoongi hugged Jimin for the last time before stepping into the car no one said a word. Jimin's parents stayed quiet in the background. Only lifting their hand as a silent goodbye when the car slowly left the driveway. Jimin looked after it, trying for as long as he could see the silhouette of Yoongi in the back seat. But when he was too far away the shadow blended in with all the other things. Jimin knew that his friend was gone. He turned and ran back to his house, relieved that his parents didn’t call after him. He wanted to be alone because he would have to get used to it.
When he felt the most down, he would always go to Yoongi, and now was one of those moments he would have leaned on his friend for support. Yet another thing he would have to get used to not doing.