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Domestic life was starting to become really confusing for Yelena. They were currently in Alaska, hiding out in a small cabin that Natasha had assured her was safe. It was cold at all times and constant snow fell from the bleak sky. If they needed food or other necessities the nearest town was miles away. There were no neighbors or prying eyes, it was secluded. Just them. Yelena was perfectly fine with that. She’d been in worse places and was used to being on the run. Especially since taking down the Red Room and freeing other Widows like herself. A mission that she’d thought was going to have to be done alone. That was before Natasha showed up at her hideout one morning with a sheepish smile. The rest was history. Months had passed since that day but the list of trapped Widows seemed to be endless.
Which is why they’ve been in Alaska for the last four weeks. Allegedly, there were multiple targets that needed freeing. So far, they had only found one and she was zero help in locating the others. Alaska was the perfect spot for this sort of thing, big and open. Easy to hide. It was the longest they’ve stayed in a place since beginning their mission. The closest Yelena has ever been to living the ‘domestic’ life with someone. In the mornings they’d cook breakfast together. At night take turns with dinner. They’d watch whatever staticky shows would come up on the ancient TV in the living room. Always falling asleep together on the couch, despite the fact that they both had their own rooms. Yelena knew exactly how Natasha took her coffee and would take pride in making it perfect every morning. Natasha quickly learned that Yelena hated how bitter coffee was. That she preferred green tea.
It was all very overwhelming for Yelena, but at the same time she never wanted it to end. Watching the sunrise with Natasha on their small porch, sharing a blanket. She wouldn’t trade it for the world and wanted to be as close as possible. That was the most confusing part, the feelings. The urge to take Natasha’s hand when they sat together. Or finding herself glancing at the woman’s red hair out of the corner of her eye. It was scary and she felt vulnerable. She knew what having a crush was and saw it play out on the TV shows they watched. Feelings were different for her, though. She’d been trapped in the Red Room all her life and something like this was harder to comprehend. Was she supposed to tell Natasha? Would the other girl hate her? What would kissing her feel like?
All these thoughts were keeping Yelena up at night and distracting her during missions. It was only a matter of time before she screwed something up and she absolutely didn’t want to put Natasha in any more danger than necessary. The other girl already seemed to throw her confused looks every so often after a stumble or stutter. She knew she was going to have to speak to Natasha about it. Just keep it clinical and precise. Maybe get some advice on how to make the feelings go away. There was no way Natasha was feeling any of the same emotions, Yelena knew this for certain. It was clear in the way their hands never brushed or the rare brief hug after a mission. Natasha seemed reluctant to even hold her in the first place. So the best course of action was to be honest and rip the metaphorical band-aid off. Then, she could go back to what she did best. Killing bad guys. With that thought in mind, Yelena laid down in her own bed for once. Falling into a restless sleep.
The next morning Natasha walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see Yelena already at the kitchen table. It wasn’t unusual for the younger girl to sleep in more often now. Only arising for another stakeout or the smell of bacon in the morning. She looked wide awake at the moment, though.
“You’re up early,” Natasha stated, while making her way over to the coffee pot. She smiled when she realized Yelena had already brewed some and set her mug on the counter. “Thanks for the coffee,” she added warmly. Yelena just hummed and Natasha could hear her shifting around in the wooden chair.
“I need to tell you something and I also need advice. And I need you to not freak out, please.” The tone Yelena was using made Natasha completely forget about her coffee. The blonde never sounded nervous. Natasha turned around and gently leaned back against the counter. When she made eye contact with Yelena she could sense the tension in her body.
“Spit it out. You’re sorta freaking me out and it’s only six in the morning,” Natasha joked back softly. It was quiet for a few seconds as Yelena seemed to contemplate how to begin.
“Okay, so I have...feelings for you. A crush, like on the TV shows. How do I make that go away? It is distracting me and pissing me off.” Yelena’s accent bled through heavily as she rushed her words out. It was absolutely the last thing Natasha expected to hear coming out of her mouth. “Is there perhaps a book I can read? One of those self-help ones that you always bring up,” she continued, not realizing Natasha was stunned to respond.
“You have feelings for me?” Natasha blurted out after a tense moment of silence between them. The question only made Yelena roll her eyes and scoff.
“Yes, keep up.”
Natasha cleared her throat in an attempt to have a moment to think before responding. “Okay, um, you said they’re pissing you off. Why?” Even though her heart was about to burst out of her chest, Natasha knew she needed to stay calm. Jumping to conclusions could only hurt both of them in the end. Yelena already seemed more relaxed than she had been the past few days.
“It is dangerous. I should not be yearning to hold your hand while out shooting guns and rockets. It is unproductive and you don’t wish to hold hands or kiss,” Yelena explained as if it was the most casual thing in the world. “So, how do I make it go away?” Natasha frowned at the other girl’s words. The immediate assumption from her was that her feelings would never be returned. That having any type of longing for someone was considered bad. Natasha knew that it was all the Red Rooms fault, the way Yelena experienced the world. Despite calculating the risks, Natasha found herself stepping forward hesitantly.
“What if I did want to hold hands and...kiss,” she stated softly, even though it felt childish to say in such a manner. Yelena’s head snapped up to meet her eyes with shock clearly written on her features. It made Natasha smile slightly as she pulled out the unoccupied chair and sat down next to her. “Liking someone doesn’t always have to be bad. Especially if they return your feelings. Just like the TV shows.” She placed her hand on the table, palm up, and pushed it towards Yelena. The younger girl stared for a moment before smiling and moving to gently rest her hand on top. Natasha slowly maneuvered their hands until their fingers were woven together.
Yelena continued to smile down at their hands. “I like this. We can do this everyday, yes?” It was the most hopeful Natasha had ever heard her sound.
“Of course, whatever you need.”
“Just you. I just need you,” she responded softly.
Natasha knew it was only a matter of time before they would be saying ‘I love you’.