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Renjun leaves home with only a suitcase and the second-hand Camry he bought with his hard-earned savings. He bids goodbye to his friends and family and drives away, no destination in mind other than west.
Something about turning 21 made him feel exceptionally old and yet so naïve. For how big the world was, Renjun had seen so little. The urge to explore, to experience life on his own, had clawed at his heart until his only option was to leave the comfort of his hometown and take to the road.
The first couple days are the happiest Renjun’s felt in forever. He basks in his newfound freedom, barely stopping to eat or rest as exhilaration courses through him, pushing him to keep driving. Coastal shores and salty winds transform into dense forests and winding rivers, and he knows for sure he’s truly left home.
Renjun doesn’t use the GPS on his phone, choosing to let the roads decide his journey for him, but the sudden change from English to French on the road signs lets him know he’s in Québec. He drives slower, more cautiously now that he’s in unfamiliar territory. He spends nearly a week meandering between little towns dotted along the southern border of the province, brushing up on his (admittedly) rusty French and sight-seeing to his heart’s content.
He expects to feel homesick, to fear the unfamiliarity, but what comes instead is hyperawareness of the silence occupying the corners of his car. He’d been so eager to get away that he’d never thought he’d feel lonely, but now there’s a part of him that longs for someone to share this experience with.
So he does.
☼
Renjun picks Haechan off the side of the road some 200 kilometres east of Montreal. Renjun barely has time to slow down before Haechan yanks open the car door, asks “You headed west?”, and hops in before Renjun can even finish nodding yes.
Renjun quickly realizes Haechan’s probably one of the most talkative people he’s ever met. For every piece of information Haechan offers up about himself, he manages to coax out details about Renjun as well. Renjun learns that he’s studying computer engineering at McGill, that he’s the oldest of many younger siblings, and that he and his friends went on a bender out east before Haechan lost them and decided to hitchhike back to Montreal himself.
In turn, Renjun tells Haechan about his travels thus far, about his hometown, about his dreams and aspirations. Haechan is a good listener, sharp and witty with his commentary, and he and Renjun fall into an easy rhythm, bantering and poking fun at each other with no real malice.
Renjun has always preferred quieter company, so he’s surprised at how well he and Haechan get along. So well, in fact, that Renjun barely has the forethought to consider stranger danger before he accepts Haechan’s invitation to crash at his place for the night.
One night in Montreal turns into four, and time flies by with Haechan playing tour guide by day and drinking buddy by night. He’s flirty and generous with his affections, casually throwing an arm around Renjun’s shoulders and kissing him when he’s drunk, and Renjun can’t help but bask in the attention after being alone for so long. Renjun is reminded of the sun, the way people’s attention seems to gravitate towards Haechan, the merest implication of his presence lighting up any room.
Renjun finds himself being drawn in as well, but the urge to keep travelling keeps him afloat. On the morning of his fifth day, he tells Haechan he’s leaving, and he’s sent off with nothing more than a kiss and a “Stay safe, cutie”.
Renjun knows he’ll meet a lot of different people in his lifetime, but he already knows he’ll never be able to forget Haechan.
☼
Ontario is busy enough to keep Renjun’s loneliness at bay for a while, and it isn’t until he’s wandering through the streets of downtown Toronto one night that he gets to really talk to someone again.
His name is Chenle, and Renjun finds him puking into a garbage can outside a noisy bar. He’s 19 and newly legal but looks even younger, and Renjun can’t help but feel a little protective of him. He rubs circles into Chenle’s back as they exchange introductions through Chenle’s bouts of nausea. Renjun is just about ready to adopt him when he learns Chenle speaks Mandarin as well.
Despite Chenle’s current predicament, he seems ecstatic to converse in his mother tongue, chatting happily about his old life in China while Renjun escorts him into the passenger seat of his car. They drive around the city aimlessly, the crisp night air sobering Chenle up as he sticks his head out the window.
They chat easily in Mandarin before slipping into a comfortable silence, and just when Renjun’s about to ask for Chenle’s address to bring him home, a sigh escapes the younger boy’s mouth.
“I miss Shanghai.”
It’s barely audible over the rush of the wind, but the words are like a beacon for Renjun’s heart. He feels homesick for the first time since he left, and he strains his ears as Chenle continues to talk, words directed at Renjun but head still poking out the window.
“I never wanted to come here, you know. Not here, specifically, but like–,” he waves his hand in a vague motion, "away from home. My parents sent me here.” He leans his head on the windowsill, an edge of bitterness colouring his voice. “I hate finance, and I hate learning in another language. I know this is selfish to say, but I wish my parents didn’t have so much money. Then they couldn’t have sent me away.”
There’s a sniffle, and Chenle quickly wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. Then there’s a humourless laugh, and Chenle leans back in his seat to look at Renjun. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I’m sorry.”
There isn’t much in the way of advice that Renjun can give to a stranger, but he places a hand on Chenle’s shoulder and says, “It’s okay. I don’t mind listening.”
Chenle seems taken aback for a moment before he settles back to his perch on the windowsill. “Thank you, ge,” he mumbles, eyes falling shut, “but I think I’m ready to go home now.”
When they get to Chenle’s apartment, the younger boy immediately passes out on the couch. Renjun finds some blankets in a random cabinet and tucks him in, heartache settling in as he realizes how jaded this boy is at such a young age. He leaves a note with his number and an invitation to call anytime on the coffee table, and does his best to shake off the heavy feeling in his chest as he leaves the building.
Renjun opens the door just as a shooting star jets across the cloudless night sky. Somehow, he knows that Chenle will be alright.
☼
As Renjun continues driving, the distance between cities becomes ever wider. There’s not much to do or see, so when he spots an advertisement for tours on a local farm, he decides to go.
There aren’t many people there, so Renjun mostly wanders off on his own. He settles down near the sheep pen, which provides a merciful respite from the odours of the rest of the farm.
He’s approached not five minutes later by a teenage boy. It’s obvious from how he’s dressed to the mud on his boots that he works here. Renjun thinks for a moment that he’s about to get told off, but instead the boy starts rambling about the sheep in the pen, of all their different nicknames and how to properly care for them.
Renjun is content to just listen, and when the boy apologizes for rambling, Renjun shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t be sorry, it’s very interesting,” he reassures, “you must really love it here.”
To his surprise, the boy shrugs half-heartedly and starts fidgeting with a rock from the ground. “It’s alright, I guess,” the boy says, eyes trained downwards, “I wouldn’t be here if I had a choice though.”
He tells Renjun about his dreams of becoming a dancer, a dream Renjun also briefly flirted with when he was younger, and Renjun feels a pang of sorrow at the hopelessness in the boy’s voice, as if he’s already given up on pursuing it. He tells Renjun about how he feels he has no opportunity, as if his fate has already been written for him, and it takes Renjun’s entire being to not kidnap this boy and personally help fulfill his dreams.
Maybe it’s because he reminds Renjun so much of his younger self, lost with no real sense of direction in his life, but he feels attached to this boy, this stranger, who seems like the younger brother Renjun never had.
They talk a little more before someone calls out, “Jisung! Get back to work!” and the boy stands up, apologizing to Renjun again before turning to leave. Renjun places a hand on his shoulder to stop him though, and asks the boy – Jisung – for his phone so he can put in his number.
“But why?” Jisung asks, peering down curiously at where Renjun is tapping away on his phone.
“So that you can update me when you become a world-famous dancer,” Renjun says, matter-of-factly, “I’ll come watch you perform.”
Jisung seems bewildered but nods, taking his phone back with a newfound determination in his eyes. Then someone calls out for him again, and he leaves for real this time, running backwards to wave at Renjun until he falls out of sight.
Renjun will get that phone call someday. He’s sure of it.
☼
The stretches of highway across the prairies are quite boring, if Renjun’s being honest. Everything blends together, and Renjun decides he’s better off heading straight to the next big city.
Maybe it’s boredom that causes him to stop when he sees a young man standing beside a car parked on the side of the highway, eyes squinting up at the phone lifted high above his head. He looks at Renjun suspiciously when he approaches but loses his hostility after realizing Renjun probably isn’t a threat.
He walks toward Renjun in a business-like manner. Renjun doesn’t even get the chance to speak before the man asks, “Can you drive me into town? There’s no service around here.”
Renjun’s taken aback but nods, quickly returning to his driver’s seat while the other man checks that his own car is locked. The stranger climbs into the seat beside him and then they’re off, speeding down the highway in a rather uncomfortable silence.
The other man is the first to break it. He apologizes for being rude and introduces himself as Jaemin. He explains how he popped his tire and how unreliable the cell service is, how he wants to get home as soon as possible so he doesn’t worry his younger siblings too much. When Renjun asks about his parents, Jaemin shakes his head and says, “Dead. They passed away in an accident years ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Renjun says, but Jaemin shakes his head again.
“It’s okay, really. I’m going to become a doctor one day, and I’ll be able to look after my family properly then.”
It’s at this that Renjun takes a good look at the man sitting next to him and sees the fatigue etched into his features. The weary expression on his face ages him immensely, even though he can’t be older than Renjun himself.
“You can sleep,” Renjun offers, “I’ll wake you up when we get into town.”
Skepticism flits across Jaemin’s face, but he agrees and reclines the seat to make himself more comfortable. Barely a minute passes before Renjun hears the telltale slow breathing of slumber, and the rest of the ride is spent in silence, broken only by the occasional snore from his companion.
Renjun doesn’t want to wake Jaemin up when they get into town, but the unfamiliarity leaves him no choice. Jaemin wakes easily, directing him to an auto shop. Jaemin thanks Renjun, asking if he can do anything in return, but Renjun declines, telling Jaemin to hurry home to his siblings.
For the first time since they’ve met, Jaemin smiles. Really, truly smiles. Gratitude is written all over his face, and instantly he looks much, much younger. It’s an excellent smile, bright and comforting, displaying a perfect row of teeth. From this smile alone, Renjun can see how Jaemin could become a great doctor someday.
Jaemin thanks Renjun again and runs off into the building. Renjun drives off, heading back onto the highway once more.
Renjun always hopes the people he meets can live happy lives, but he wishes it for Jaemin more than anyone else.
☼
The Rockies are difficult to drive through, but the Camry holds up decently. The scenery is beautiful, full of wilderness and wildlife and the clearest lakes Renjun has ever seen. Renjun hates few things more than hiking, but the views from the top make the journey more than worth the pain.
The hike down always sucks, though. He’s usually quite agile, but the strain from the hike up takes its toll as Renjun rolls over his left ankle tripping over a tree root on his way back. He tries to stand up, but a sharp pain shoots through his body and he finds himself on the ground again.
There’s no one else in sight, and with the sun starting to set, Renjun starts to panic, rummaging through his bag for anything he can use as a makeshift splint. He feels his heart pounding in his ears, the entire contents of his bag scattered around him, and he nearly jumps out of his own skin when he feels a hand settle on his shoulder.
Renjun whips his head around, sighing in relief when he sees a stranger around the same age as him. A look of concern is strewn across his very handsome face. Suddenly, there is a very different reason for the blood rushing through his ears, and Renjun becomes terribly aware of how sweaty and gross he must look.
“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” The stranger inquires, sounding nothing but genuinely worried, and Renjun swears he could fall in love right then and there. He snaps himself out of his thoughts and clears his throat before responding.
“I think I rolled over my ankle coming down this slope, but it’s not too bad.” That’s a lie, but Renjun doesn’t want to keep embarrassing himself in front of this beautiful man. He makes another attempt to get up but can’t help the face he makes as the pain shoots up his leg again. The stranger quickly wraps an arm around his waist to steady him. Renjun’s face heats up.
“I have a first aid kit in my bag, at least let me wrap your leg up before you run away,” the stranger says, amused. This makes Renjun blush deeper, but he nods and sits down to let the man inspect and bandage him up.
They make small talk as he works. The man’s name is Jeno, and he spends nearly all his weekends hiking and bouldering, which explains the chiseled arms Renjun makes an active effort not to stare at. He’s sweet and funny and insists on helping Renjun down the rest of the way, even after he finishes with Renjun’s leg.
When they get back to Renjun’s car, he thanks Jeno profusely and offers him a ride. Jeno laughs and waves him off, telling him to worry about himself. Before Renjun can say anything else, Jeno is gone, figure disappearing between the rows of parked cars surrounding them.
Renjun hasn’t had a first love yet, but imagines that when he does, they’ll be just like Jeno.
☼
Renjun’s driving through the middle of BC when he meets Mark. He gets in Renjun's car with nothing but a backpack and a guitar case, and his smile is contagious when Renjun tells him he’s headed for Vancouver.
“That’s my hometown, man, you’re gonna love it,” Mark says, fingers fiddling with the clasps on his guitar case. “Do you mind if I play a bit? I’m trying to work out some material for my next gig.”
Renjun’s never one to turn down live music, so he listens to Mark strum away at his guitar and sing, occasionally joining in when he knows the lyrics, too.
They chat whenever Mark’s fingers get tired, and Renjun is surprised at how comfortable it is. He learns that Mark is an aspiring musician, busking all around the country to try and get his name out there. He has no money though, and resorted to hitchhiking to get around the country.
He’s shy and humble when Renjun praises him, but there’s a certain charisma in the awkward charm Mark holds that’s truly captivating. Somehow, he just knows Mark will be successful one day, and he tells him just as much.
The look of surprise on Mark’s face is authentic, as if he’s never heard this before, and he mutters out a “thank you, bro, it means a lot”, before going back to lazily strumming his guitar.
They drive in relative silence for a while, the wind outside offering a backdrop to Mark’s guitar, before conversation picks up again. They exchange stories of their travels, of all the different people they’ve met, and Renjun is fascinated at how much Mark seems to truly love what he does.
He lets Mark off when they arrive in Vancouver, Renjun promising to go to Mark’s first gig in the city. Mark leaves him with a bright smile and a “see you later!”, and Renjun idly thinks that he would be as happy as Mark if he grew up here as well.
And for the first time in a long time, he thinks that he is.