Work Text:
Who's the person you want to thank? Someone you're most grateful to?
Who's the first person you want to apologize to?
When was the scariest moment that comes to your mind now?
What's the best luck in your life?
Are you in love with someone?
Come bring them to DanBam!
Park Saeroyi wanted to laugh hysterically at that.
I didn't have to bring them. He thought. They walked in all by themselves.
Funnily enough, the answer to all those questions have never been his first love.
Not even once.
As he sprinted out of his office building and sped down the highway, he wondered how he could've missed it.
Was he too caught up with the excuses he made?
Was he too immersed in thinking that Soo Ah was the right one for him?
He knows he should've known the first time he yelled at Yi Seo that she was, by far, the most different amongst all he'd interacted with.
He never even yelled at Soo Ah like that.
Never once did he got mad at anyone to be specific.
With Soo Ah, he always understood the shit she did and has to do.
Sure that one time she delivered that godforsaken plant from Chairman Jang, he was way beyond disappointed. Then he was insulted when she ask him to give up on his revenge — the revenge that kept him alive all these years, the sole reason why he still wanted tomorrow to come, why he still looked forward to it despite all the nasty things that came his way — and live happily with her.
He wasn't kidding when he said he'll never be happy until he's got his revenge.
Was it that time when he fell in love with Yi Seo?
When the girl called, apologizing nonstop about the bad call she made, he was quick to reassure her that it was on him because he has the last say on everything.
Petty of him to say the things he did that night, addressed to both the girl he rejected and the woman he claimed to love but he was insulted, he was hurt that of all people, it was Soo Ah who would ask him to stop, who would ask him to give up.
She's never even done anything. How could she ask me to give up when she doesn't even know what I had to go through, how much I had to give to get this far?
She was there when everything went down the drain so how could she bargain with him with a life of them together? When it wasn't something he imagined for himself?
Was it that time when he realized he loves Yi Seo?
Yi Seo, despite all the hardships they faced, never once asked him to stop.
She fought with him and for him.
Whenever they hit a particular roadblock, she would sit in one corner of their pub, thinking of ways on how to move forward.
When Chairman Jang pulled a particularly nasty trick against them, she would sit with him, ask him what his plan is — okay, more like demand to know what his plan is but that's besides the point — argue with him how impossible it would be, rub it in his face what an idealist he truly is, walking out the door then coming back, saying, let's do it.
Never. She never once discouraged him with his revenge. Never once did he hear her say let's give up, this is going nowhere, enough is enough.
She'd yell at him for his absurd ideas, get mad at his nonsense but then she'd ask him to explain why he did what he did (I'll never understand if you won't tell me. That's not how my brain works.) and with a sigh, she'd give in and say fine then proceed to look for a solution that satisfies what they both want.
She never once discouraged him with his revenge.
Saeroyi knows he's getting repetitive but the more he thought about it, the more he is amazed by that fact itself.
She was no one to him when they met. She didn't know who he is, where he's from, what he did and what he's doing.
He only gave her a snippet of what his life has been when they've gone out for drinks that New Year's night of 2016 and she came back announcing to the DanBam crew that she'll work there and help him achieve his dreams.
She intrigued him.
Why would anyone who knows absolutely nothing about him would want to help him?
Seung Kwon was different, he needed someone to give him purpose.
Hyun Yi was different, she needed someone to believe in her and treat her no differently from the others.
Geun Soo was different, he needed someone to rely on.
Yi Seo, however, is just plain bizaare.
She didn't need the money, she gets paid way better than DanBam can offer.
She didn't need a past time, from what Saeroyi heard, her gigs as Geun Soo called it was enough to keep her preoccupied.
She could've gone to college but she bet her life on him.
At that time, it didn't made sense but when she said I love you five times in a row for a whole minute, he suddenly felt guilty.
Guilty, because he isn't ready to give his heart to someone or anyone in particular for that matter.
And that's just fucking funny especially when you think about how he went around saying he likes Soo Ah — not that it was untrue.
(He does like her, though he'd later realize that he's never loved her.)
His heart is still broken by his father's death and the only way to nurse it is his revenge.
He doesn't know how long it would take for him to get that, though he knows it's wrong of him to ask her — someone as bright as her with a future that's even brighter — to wait for him.
He was selfish enough already to hold her down and keep her with him so he can achieve his goals. He cannot allow himself to be any more selfish than that.
Remembering that night, it hurt more that he was the reason behind her tears but whenever he gets reminded by the nasty slap and busted lip she suffered from Jang Geun Won's hand, it justified the actions he took and the words he spoke.
It was bad enough for her to get hurt in the hands of others but in the hands of his enemies, because of him, Saeroyi wouldn't be able to forgive himself if a repeat of that is to ever happen again.
So as silly as it was, he listed the three obvious (and absurd) reasons why they shouldn't be together.
Age difference, his background and Geun Soo.
Don't give me those excuses. She said, not that Saeroyi ever thought she'd buy them. If you don't like me, that's just it.
The moment she turned her back, his fingers twitched to pull her back.
The moment she told him she needed a break, he was scared that that would be the end of it. Of them.
When she told him she'd quit if he and Soo Ah became a thing, he found it so unbelievable he almost laughed out loud.
He knows, deep down, that he and Soo Ah are impossible. He didn't understand at that time, why he thought that that'll never happen but now it was clear.
She is the reason why they'll never happen.
Soo Ah once said that there seems to be a lot of reasons why they would never be together and with that, he silently agreed. But he's convinced himself that he likes her that way so he assured her that the key on how their relationship would ever change lies on her hands alone.
She was comforted by it and Saeroyi was glad as always. It felt like it was his job, to always comfort her and make her feel better for the selfish ways she chose to live her life, that he does it even if what she did — or is doing — hits him hard inside.
He and Soo Ah both know that she resented him for that.
For never getting angry, for never getting mad at her, for never once blaming her, for never once resenting her and the choices she made and the sides she took.
They are both aware that she resented him for that.
So when exactly did he fell in love with Soo Ah?
Did he actually fell in love with Soo Ah?
He doesn't know if what he'd felt was his own misunderstanding of the fine lines between love and adoration.
Between infatuation and true love.
He liked her, that much is true. Even his father does.
He still likes her, that part is also true.
But has he ever loved her? Like, truly love her?
If so, then why is she not the person that came to his mind as an answer to all those questions thrown at him, albeit indirectly?
Why can't he picture his life with her by his side?
They felt the same pain. He sympathized with her as much as she did with him. They both lost someone dear but he doesn't know if that made what he felt for her deeper.
He still wants her unemployed, sure. Her unemployment became a symbolism of the fact that Jangga Co. is taken down and Chairman Jang and his family along with it. So yes, he wants her unemployed.
He just doesn't know if he wants her unemployed and together with him.
He doesn't know before but his answer is clear now.
He doesn't.
Soo Ah is comforting, a reminder of his past where his days were happy and his thoughts were filled with how life couldn't be any better.
She gives him something to reminisce.
But Yi Seo.
She's the one giving him something to look forward to.
Coz in the future he's seeing is her. Smiling at him, loving him, hugging him and kissing him.
At the end of this long and tiring race, it was Yi Seo he sees in the finish line.
It's Yi Seo and her smile and her I love you's and open arms, waiting for him.
There, in the finish line.
And even here, right now.
-----------
The talk with Geun Soo has gone exactly as he thought it'd go.
Not that he predicted the words he and him would say but the gist was pretty much the same.
When Geun Soo's expression change when he said, she's someone you can bet your life on, he already knew that the boy caught on.
She's the woman my friend loves.
I should give up even if I have feelings for her.
It's a betrayal, an awful thing to do.
When the age difference and his background excuse became more and more absurd the stronger his feelings become, this is what he held on to.
Because Saeroyi is anything but a traitor.
He might be selfish, but he wouldn't hurt someone, anyone, purposefully. Especially, knowing he can avoid it.
However, there are some things that has to be done.
And he did say he was selfish, right?
Too bad for Geun Soo that the only thing — person — he ever acted selfish up on is also his object of affection.
He's young, he'll get over it in no time.
He knows right from the start that he didn't have a chance. That everything he did and still doing are just petty attempts at taking revenge on someone that has something he badly wants and whom he knew he can never win against.
"I'm doing it right now.
The betrayal.
The awful thing to do."
At Geun Soo's confused, pleading look, Saeroyi thought,
I feel sorry for you. But I feel more sorry for myself. For it took me years to give in and there's no way I'm giving it up.
Giving up, be it my revenge against your family or Yi Seo, is never an option.
"You can curse at me all you want. If you want to punch me, I'd let you."
For those are the only things I can offer you as consolation for your feelings that I hurt.
He left as soon as he said, I like Yi Seo. And maybe it's because he's selfish or maybe it's because he's petty, either way he informed the nurse's station to only let Yi Seo's family and authorized people in.
Saeroyi wouldn't let anyone or anything interrupt this talk of theirs that was way long overdue.
-----------
Her back was turned on him as she finished putting the necklace around her neck.
Feeling his presence, she turned and suddenly, her whole face lit up and her mouth curled up the biggest smile he's ever seen.
"Oh, Daepyonim!" She called, voice overflowing with delight. Her eyes in sync with it. "Look, I told you it'd look pret—"
"How could you say that?"
Despite how her face was glowing right now, the conversation Saeroyi accidentally heard that evening has plagued him from his trip to the office and back here in the hospital.
"De?" She asked, confused. "What're you—"
He closed the distance between them in long, confident strides and enveloped her in his arms without any hesitation, hearing her breath hitched at the suddenness of his actions.
"You just don't know how much you mean to me, do you?" He put his hand at the back of her head as he burrowed himself deeper, inhaling her scent. "That was definitely my fault. I'm sorry."
"Daepyonim, what are you talking about?"
Saeroyi's mind is racing. There's about a billion words he wanted to say but his mouth ain't just spouting them up. He held her even tighter instead, rubbing a hand on her hair.
Suddenly, the questions for the event came crashing back at him.
Who's the person you want to thank?
"Thank you."
Who's the first person you want to apologize to?
"I'm sorry."
"Daepyonim, what's wro—"
When was the scariest moment that comes to your mind now?
"You don't know how much it scared me, when you fainted like that. I just — I don't know what to do. I couldn't think."
"Daepyonim..."
What's the best luck in your life?
He pulled back and held her face in both hands, staring right into her eyes. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I really am lucky, you've got to know that."
Are you in love with someone?
Yes. "I love you."
He expected her to smile wider than what she greeted him with earlier.
Expected her to hug him, kiss his cheek — or his lips, be smug about how she knew he'd fall for her eventually.
He expected her to say I love you back like she always does.
But when did Yi Seo ever acted the way you expected her to?
So instead of all those, she looked down and the next he knew, Saeroyi heard a sniff.
He forced her to look back up to him and there it is, the waterworks.
"You're crying?" He wiped her tears, not bothering to hide his surprise and amusement, "Why the hell are you crying?"
"Because you're so stupid!"
He couldn't help but bark out a laugh at that and he pulled her into his arms once more.
A few moments later and her sniffs became silent. Just them hugging each other in the middle of her hospital room.
"I'm really happy." She murmured. And a smile broke out of Saeroyi's face as he replied, "Me, too."
"Please tell me this is not a dream." He chuckled, pulling back to pinch her cheeks to which she loudly protest then proceeded to peck her lips.
"It isn't." He replied, laughing heartily.
He stared into her eyes and suddenly he can see his own reflection in them. And he couldn't believe just how happy he looked.
He caressed her face as she gazed up on him with loving eyes.
And if they shared another kiss or two or more that night, Saeroyi couldn't be blamed.
He sure is embarrassed the next morning, though, when they were found by the DanBam crew and Yi Seo's mother cuddling with each other.