Work Text:
There you are…my angel! Its dawn but I think the sun is still shinning in your eyes! Every day I walk down this stairs just to see your radiant smile. If lucky enough to hear you singing along with your friends and you play that guitar huh. I envy that guitar you know? I wish I can say “Hi, I’m Hokuto Matsumura, can I be your friend, too?” ahh! Hokuto! Come on you can do it. But no I can’t … I can hear my loud sigh. Yes that’s all I can do… admiring you from afar… I got it! Yes Taiga Kyomoto I like you since forever! But no one knows except my poor and aching heart. Hmmm. It’s time to go home Matsumura. Slowly, I drag myself away from you, my angel. I can hear my loud sigh again. I pass by from your circle, my step are fast but careful not to bump anyone. But, I’m the luckiest person this day... my butt kisses the concrete walk way and I can hear the “Ouch!” slipping from my mouth. And that guy who says “sorry” too. I don’t look around, its scares me if someone look at me with pity. I try to push myself up but someone’s soft hand hold my other arm and help me up.
“Are you alright?” he says. A pretty face with equally pretty eyes looks at me with concern. I think heaven’s gate just open and angels sing for us.
The guy waves his right hand in front of me. And I come back from dreaming... Hokuto you idiot! Where is your tongue? Pull yourself up will you? I scold myself for spacing out.
“Uhmm. Y-yes I’m fine!” I find my stuttering voice.
“Do you want me to bring you to infirmary? Are you hu-” I can see real worries from his eyes but...
“No! I’m okay! Thank you!” I answer cutting him mid-way.
“Oh! O-okay,” he says.
“Thank you!” I says full of gratitude.
He smile and walk back to his friends. I turn my heel and continue my walk towards home. I can feel my smile peeling my face. Ah! My angel! He talks and smiles sweet in front of me. I don’t even think that situation was embarrassing. All I can feel was pure happiness. Finally! Those years of looking at you from a distance come to an end. It’s a brief encounter but too precious to forget. I believe in miracle now.
Oh Matsumura Hokuto!
You’re idiot!
But lucky!
I will surely write this on my journal later before I sleep.
***************************************************
Another day of falling in love so deeply to you!
Good morning Taiga! How are you today? Thank you for the help you gave me yesterday. Stupid Hokuto! Picture of him won’t answer now!
I stare at his picture on my wall, smiling like idiot. It will horrify anyone if they find this thing out.
“I’m heading to school Taiga! See you there!”
8:45 am
Wednesday first class…
“Thanks God! Not late! That’s close though.”
I heard him murmuring, maybe, talking to himself. I command my eyes to stay focus on the book that I’m reading, though I can’t even understand it. It scares me that my heart will come out and kiss him right there and then, if I let my eyeball wonder to his glowing face. Calm down heart! You need to survive to pass this subject. Passing a history class is a piece of cake to me though! I’m a consistent dean’s list after all. But if we talk about love life, I’ll dig deep to have that courage to confess or to befriend my crush. But sorry… it never ever comes to my mind… confess? What is it?
“Excuse me…” hear him talk but not lifting from my reading cause I’m not sure if he’s talking to me so…“Matsumura?” he calls my name! My name comes out like a beautiful melody from his cute mouth. “Hey! Hokuto!” he says again with given name now! Oh my good Lord! Are you playing with my feelings now?
“Y-yes?” I ask face fully mask with my poker face.
“Can I borrow your notes? I forgot to list down the last lesson that we’ve discussed last week.” He says with pleading eyes. Oh no! Don’t do that angel! My heart can’t take it.
“A second…” I answer. Where the hell is my notebook? My hands were shaking while flipping all the notebooks in my bag. There it goes! “Here!” I answer short and hand him my notebook.
“Thanks! Can I borrow this until tomorrow?” he ask full of hope for me to say yes.
I look at him with straight face “No problem!”
“Yay! Thank you!” he squeak.
The bell rang and our instructor greets us with test papers results. I can feel someone sink on his sit.
“Taiga! Please meet me at my office later.” History class instructor says it loud and makes him sink more out of embarrassment. Our classmates look at each other’s; some whispers something that the whole class can possible hears.
“Yes sir!” he let out a soft voice that makes my knee melts.
He’s down… I want to hug him… I want to say it’s okay… you can pass that test next time. But my heart wasn’t brave enough to say it so… I tear my gaze towards him and focus on our lesson instead.
I don’t know what kind of air pollutes my mind. I find myself hiding in some corner waiting for Taiga to come out from faculty room. And I didn’t wait long, I see him, he closes the door of the room slowly. Head hang low like a defeated cub. I want to run fast and hug him. Tell him that it’s okay… tell him that I can help if he needs a hand. But a Matsumura Hokuto who’s a coward won’t do that. Never in my life have I thought.
A phone buzz cuts my agony. I open my smart phone, smarter than me I think. I read the message came from our history class instructor.
“What going o-”
Destiny really plays its part to mess up my feelings. I wonder how can I handle this kind of situation…How will I ever find my sanity in front of him? How can I ever tell him the difference between right and wrong? If all I feel is right when I see his face.
I’m waiting for him in the park, pacing back and forth. How will I start? Should I say “Hi Taiga-” No! It should be “Hi Kyomoto-” too formal. Gosh! Hokuto you’re a bunch of stupidities, how on earth you’re one of dean’s list?
“Hokuto!” someone call me out of the blue. I think my favorite song just plays right now as background music. I look around and see my angel, a smile on his face. His face is glowing even in a bright daylight. If earlier I move fast, now I can’t find my kinesthetic ability. I freeze like an ice in North Pole, maybe my jaw drop too?
“Hokuto? Oy! Matsumura!” he says, I see worry on that pretty face.
“Ah…ummh! Sensei!” I just blurt out nothing! No one would understand what the hell I’m trying to convey.
He looks at me, too early to judge how I chose my life!
“I mean, sensei told me to help you in our lesson… he said you’re struggling to get a good test result so he asked me to help you if it’s okay?” I talk fast, straight and in a long sentence. I barely talk like that, huh!
“Ahhhhh! HAHAHA! I thought of something else-” the feeling of disappointment on his voice is evident if I analyze it correct.
“HUH-?” missing all the puzzle pieces inside my brain.
“Ahh…! It’s nothing! So how this goes?” he asks instead.
“Umhh. It would be up to you, I know you’re busy with all the extra-curricular activities that you have. So I should follow your schedule instead, I think?” I assure him knowing he has rehearsals every after class, MWF in particular. Dance practice every Tuesdays and Saturdays and arts club every Thursday after lunch break. Does he just want to work on his extra-curricular activities instead; studies are not the focus at all? Where the hell could I insert the torturing? Ops! I mean tutoring.
“How about you, I mean you have school paper at your hand, or hobbies of spending time in the library later after class.” He says, worrying for something or for I know, “nothing.” So he knows that I am lazing in some corner of the library? Hmmm… Oh my good Lord! Play fair please! I wouldn’t make it to the final cut if ever!
“That’s okay. I can buy time when I need too.” I insist. The hell! I will give to Satan my soul for free just to have time with you Kyomoto Taiga.
“Okay…Friday?” He ask but anticipating a yes from me. “When rehearsal is done at 5 pm?” he continues.
I think it isn’t the best schedule. Can he even drag himself doing some extra lesson? Isn’t it too much? Should I say no and tell him some other schedule?
But…
“Matsumura, that’s the finest schedule for me…” seems he read my mask worrying eyes.
Softly I say “Hmm. Okay!” out of words again besties.
“In fact I ask Juri to move our dance practice on a Saturday afternoon so that I can take this lessons with you.” He just drops that info out of nowhere. Not knowing that it’s makes my stomach scrunch, feeling things around. Don’t be full of hope Matsumura… you don’t want to be drown from your own tears at the end… and Juri… the cool guy at school who moves smooth and fast unlike you. Here I am again looking down on my abilities because of someone else near Taiga.
“Okay, if you say so...” I plainly mutter an answer.
“Good, please pick me up at the theater club, every Friday at 5 pm?” His face is not waiting for a “no” as an answer though.
Another answer loud and panicky,
“Okay? No! I mean yes! I will pick you up there, tomorrow!”
An amuse smile on his face. I’m wondering at the moment if he’s silently happy that I’m suffering from his presence. Gosh! Matsumura you really an idiot!
“I need to run! Arts club members are waiting… we have new members so…” He needs to cut this conversation now huh. “See you tomorrow then?” he asks. I just nod at him…My brain cells are sleeping today I think. I lost all my abilities in forming a concrete answer if he’s the one in front of me. He literally run away from me, but my dumb self just stay still for a minute looking at him running while struggling to hold all the bags of arts supplies, guitar sling on and his school back pack that an elementary student wouldn’t even use. I smirk at that sighting, I adjust my frameless glasses. I feel all the energy escapes from my body so I retire to a nearest bench. A sigh on its end, that’s it Matsumura! I think I need to bring my A+ game huh! Think on your assignment man! Not on hitting on him! Please wake up! Stop dreaming!
I ride on an unknown self confidence to our library, time to borrow some books for this, though online source are okay too. I just want to show him the importance of physical books too. It should be a smart move too. Pats myself! Good job! You’re an idiot on thinking like this!
Five minutes before 5pm standing in front of the theater club. I peek from the slightly close doors of the room. Arguing to myself, should I go in and barge out the blue or wait for him outside? AHHH! Matsumura! Pick yourself up and go inside. I forward my steps and hold the handle of the door but stop in the air-
“May I help you?” a manly voice from my back.
“Ah! I just want to pick up Kyomoto Taiga we-”
“Ah! Matsumura Hokuto,” he cut what I suppose to say, “Taiga’s boyfriend, nice meeting you! I’m Shintarou, his best friend, you can call me Shin, and we’re also best friend now.” He talks fast that makes my mouth hang open, because of shock. He drags me inside, Shin smile so wide that can tear his face anytime. I’m sensing weird scenario right now and it goes…
“Hi! Everyone!” he talk loud, clear and because of that all people inside the room look at Shin or at me? Maybe they’re thinking - who the hell is this geek? “This man here is Matsumura Hokuto! My best friend’s boyfriend!” he continues – wait what?! What did he just said? I open my lips to argue but I can’t find better words to say. I look around and see that smiles and hears that “WOOOHSss and Ohhhs!” they even congratulate me! And shake my hands and give me some hugs. Some girls in the room are giggling for what they hear from Shin. A tall guy with blue hair approaches us, wide smile like Shin.
“Congratulations! Bro! Welcome!” that man says with a wink.
“I’m sorry I am not Taiga’s-”
“Hokuto! You’re early!” a familiar voice comes from my back. I’m shock but I can’t explain further now. It’s already 5 o’clock; I can see all the members of the club gathering their thing and ready to leave any minute. I’m on the verge of crying but my tears won’t come out.
“What happened?” he asks me, a paint of worries on his face. I don’t know how to answer him, so I look at Shin and the blue hair tall mans direction which Taiga’s follows right away. “Don’t tell me they pull a prank on you?” he asks again. I don’t give an answer cause I don’t know if it’s a prank or what. I just look down and find my hands fiddling the hem of my shirt. I’m so shy to tell him myself, I can’t even argue and explain to everyone earlier. How can I tell him what just happens?
So…
“Shin…! Jesse…!” the two lifts their head and walks towards us. That tall guy name is Jesse, huh. They even jog towards us… “What’s going on?” Taiga looks at them with judging eyes.
“We never do anything that will hurt somebody!” an innocent answer from Shin’s lips. I want to smack this cute baby! But how?! He’s too cute to be hurt too.
“Taiga, your driver is here!” someone from the outside shouts informing Taiga about it. So this conversation needs to be drop right now. How on earth can I manage to teach him? Thinking all the things just happens out of nowhere!
Taiga just glares dangerously to Shin and Jesse. It’s like he’s threatening them that this is not done yet! They still need to talk later. The two guys just shake it off and grin. I still can’t find my words… where the heck my brains wander?!
“Let’s go! Hokuto! Its past five already,” Taiga switch his sour face for Shin and Jesse to a sweet smile towards me. I just nod, and follow him outside.
We walk towards his car, I’m tailing him. It’s a few steps more and we can reach it.
“Please be careful on your way home Taiga!” a thin frame man shouts from the soccer field. Waving like there’s no tomorrow and a wide smile on his lips. And if I’m not mistaken, he’s Juri Tanaka the ace of the soccer team, my rival. Taiga just wave at him back and a small smile paints his lips. My Angel is smiling at somebody, or to his boyfriend? Wait a minute Shin just declare earlier that I am Taiga’s boyfriend! And don’t hear anyone disagrees about it. Lost on my thinking… Taiga ushers me inside his car. When we’re set, his driver starts the engine and drives slowly and accelerates when we are on the road.
Loud silence while on our way to his home. I can’t find anything to talk about so I keep my mouth shut! It’s a long ride but we arrive in huge house like a castle in the fairy tale after 30 minutes. I’m still in awe about what happens from earlier in the theater club but its doubles or even triples when we enter his castle- I mean their house. There are maids who are busy working something and there’s a beautiful lady talking on the phone… I don’t know who’s she talking to, but I can hear her answer sweet and loving words. He looks at our direction and smile, cutting the phone call right there and then. She gracefully walks towards me and Taiga.
“Welcome home sweetie!” She kisses Taiga on the cheeks that make him blushes, shy from gesture he receives.
“Mom!” he says with soft voice. I feel that kind of gesture is sweet but it irritates Taiga. I look away so that it will not add his shame.
“And care to introduce me to your friend?” She asks taiga but her eyes focusing on me. I make a small vow to give some respect; she’s his mother after all.
“Matsumura Hokuto, he’s my classmate in history class and he’s going to help me some class activities.” He explains lightly, but nervous. I look at her mom and smile, assuring her that Taiga is telling the truth.
“We’re working at my room mom! Can I have some snacks?” now he asks sweetly.
“Okay, baby! I will bring you some and Hokuto dear, you can stay until dinner is serve okay.” She says not even waiting what’s my answer. Like mother like son indeed!
Taiga walks ahead of me to the glamorous staircase. It looks like the stairs where Cinderella walks in, when she attends the ball of the prince palace. Taiga’s mom happily heads on to somewhere in the house, maybe kitchen to prepare snacks for us. At the end of the stairs is the second floor of the house. I see a wide space, at the center, there’s a three dimension piece of art that a simple man like me will not understand the meaning. We cross the space and pass by the lone abstract art. We stop at a door and assume its Taiga’s room. He open the door and gesture his hand for me to follow.
And I enter heaven!
Taiga’s room is all white with some paintings on the wall. Paintings are mostly lines? it’s like someone’s just splattered some black and gray paints on a white canvas. It’s beautifully arranged on the white wall. His bed is fluffy; I want to retire in there later. In both side of the bed there’s a small side tables. On the left there’s a lamp shade and an alarm clock. It’s black and white too, but if you look at it carefully, you will see a Conan icon. On the right you’ll see a picture frame which I don’t have a chance to see because Taiga flips it off from my sight. I wonder why?
There’s a sofa on his room with glass center table and with a fluffy white carpet too.
“Please make yourself comfortable, Hokuto.” He says, simply saying sit down on the sofa and wait for me. He leaves his bag on the floor the ugly but surely expensive one. He enters a door at the far end of his room, assuming it’s a dresser or comfort room, either way, should I care really? While waiting, I took my phone and check if my roommate answers my chat, he just seen it though, so he knows where I am. I keep my phone back to my bag and take all the books that I borrow from school library. I already marks the topics that taiga needs to focus on.
“Shall we start the lesson?” He asks without warning.
“Okay!” I softly agree.
He sits down on the floor besides me and takes the notebook on the table that I prepared for him. We start the lesson and he’s just listening to what I’m saying and carefully writing it down… trying he’s best to memorize it while understanding the importance too. It’s a surprise that explaining this kind of details to him doesn’t make me uncomfortable. But I feel uncomfortable sitting on the sofa alone. I move and transfer to where Taiga sits. It’s not close enough but I can feel the warm from his body. The natural scent he has and the smells of shampoo on his hair. Gosh Matsumura! What are you doing?! Don’t sniff someone’s smell.
“Why it’s hard to memorize, place, events and names in history? Even harder than memorizing my script on our musical plays.” He says whining. I can feel the annoyance on his voice; it’s intense that I’m afraid he’ll throw a punch on me. I’m going to answer his question but there’s a soft knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door. He’s mom appears with a tray of obviously mouth watering snacks. She put the tray on the table and reminds us to eat it all. He wink at Taiga before exiting the room and taiga groans in annoyance once again. I find it cute… this mother and son teasing really entertains me. Smile creeps out my lips and I haven’t notice that Taiga’s staring.
“Something funny?” he asks. I pull myself over and back to my normal poker face.
“None at all.” I answer quick and plain.
He nods; I see straight and serious face in him. He munches the cream puff cutely and I want to pinch his cheeks. No I want to kiss it! Cut that trail of thoughts Matsumura!
There’s a knock on the door again, but its opens after a three soft knocks. A man who looks like Taiga emerges from the door. He has a bright smile too. An elegant outfit and a shoulder length black hair, this kind of hairstyle is for idols and celebrities only. But Taiga has medium hair too. Well he’s not a celebrity yet, maybe in the near future? Who knows?
“Good evening boys!” he greets us.
“Dad! You’re early!” Taiga says not answering his dad’s greetings.
“Work ends early… and I miss my baby!” he says teasing. His parents really want him to blush in others people presence. My lips slightly hurt because I suppress my smile. Taiga looks at my direction and I’m quick enough to mask my face.
“This is H-”
“Hi! Hokuto!” he says cutting out Taiga’s suppose to be introduction and extending a hand to me. I accept the hand its soft like Taiga’s hand. A wide grin welcomes me like I’m his son too. He even joins us sitting on the fluffy carpet. Taiga has equally confused face like mine.
“Your mom told me you have a visitor, this is the first time that you bring a friend to our house,” he says with a smile. “Anyway, it’s good that you’re finally taking this seriously.” He adds referring to the notes on the table.
“You’re embarrassing me dad!” Taiga says in a small voice but firm. His dad let out a loud laugh and get up from where he is and head on to the door to exit the room.
“Dinner will be serve in a few minutes do you want to join us or I’ll tell your mom you will stay here for dinner?” he’s still teasing Taiga. No one of us answer, I’m waiting for Taiga to talk but he just looking at his father who’s still at the door with his wide smile.
“Okay, I’ll tell your nanny to bring the food for you two.” He ended and closes the door with a soft thud.
Taiga just let out a sigh, he goes back to his notes and it’s also sign for me to continue our works. We only focus on the topics he needs to retake the exam. He’s eyes are almost closing but he’s trying his best so do I.
After two hours, forty five minutes and 25 seconds we finish all what we need to review. Taiga crack his joints even his neck to let the pressure out. I find it cute… and my head messes up some imagination again. I shake up all the thoughts and arrange all the things inside my bag. As I finish all the arranging, a knock on the door again, Taiga run to the door and open it. Now an older lady together with a two younger ladies, maybe about our age or a little bit older. They are carrying trays full of food. It’s like; they have a feast in here. They put it all in the glass table, my mouth waters because of the obviously delicious food in front of me. The lady’s excuses their selves and Taiga says a short thank you.
“Let’s eat before you go home.” He sits back again and start digging.
We eat in silence, occasionally I glance at him but he didn’t even tear his gaze from the food in front of him. We finish all the food and drink our juice to its last drop.
It’s time to go home! Why it feels sad now? I said thank you and good bye to his parents and exit the house. Before I enter the car I give a last glance to their castle. It’s more beautiful now that the lights are on. I still can’t believe that I am the “first friend” who has a chance to see it and even enters Taiga’s room and spend time with him. I smile of that thought. Opening the car’s door and settle in. I give my address to the driver and he enters it on the screen in front him. It’s a short ride home, or maybe my mind just wanders around and haven’t notice anything.
I lay on my bed after cleaning up my body and never forget my skin care routine. That’s a day for me and I hope Taiga too. A smile paints the corner of my lips and sleeps takes over.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
I press the alarm clock with force and I groan in annoyance but I need to get up. It’s another day again, time to get up Matsumura!
Eye squints and saw a white longs sleeve shirt hang in front of my dresser. I stretch my body and drag myself to the bathroom to wash up. After I dry and style my hair, a white towel hanging low on my torso, underneath is black underwear from D&G. I take steps to the white shirt, examine it and I notice there’s a black pants too. I put it on and it fits perfectly. I look at the mirror and smile at myself… “Good morning handsome!” I say complimenting ourselves sometimes wouldn’t hurt anybody though. Oh I need to brush my teeth before going down stairs… I take the black tooth brush; beside it is a pink one, an ample amount of toothpaste run to the bristle. I start brushing my teeth when…
“Hokuto! Honey! Please hurry preparing there!” a sweet shouts from down stair. “Breakfast is almost done! Brush your teeth and come down here!” he added. My mouth is full because of brushing and bubbles from the toothpaste too. I let out a muffled answer “Yes~~!”
And I hear nothing, and its scares me so…I rush down stair… gladly I land my two feet safe in front of our kitchen. In front of me a blonde man wearing white long sleeve shirt too and an apron. His hairstyle is cute, it make him younger than his actual age. His busy decorating the food on the lunch box and in the side is two bowls for breakfast. I never notice he looks at me…
“Hoku! Hurry up its almost time! This is your first day at work and you need to be there on time!” he said. “And that…” He added pointing on my toothbrush still on my mouth. I give him a shy smile and run to the lavatory near the bathroom for guest. I wipe the excess water and bubbles in the side of my mouth and go back to the kitchen. He’s facing the dishes need to be arrange, contemplating if he’ll do it now or later. I encourage myself to come closer and a little more encouragement and ordered my arms to wrap a hug on this beautiful man. I rest my chin on his shoulder and crawls my two arms on his waist. I close my eyes and sniff the scent of shampoo on blonde hair. I hear him sigh in contentment and feel the smile on his face. We stay like that for a bit.
“Honey! You’re going to be late.” He cut my comfort.
“Comfortable…” I say like a child and never let him go nor listen to him.
But yes I need to go… I pull myself from the hug and take my sit on the bar chair in our island kitchen. He put the bowl of oatmeal top with sliced fruits like strawberries, bananas, and other berries. A small cup of cappuccino with a heart design on top. How can I eat and drink all of this? They are cute and I don’t want to ruin it. Like this man in front of me now… I stare at him…
“What?” he asks confuse. “You don’t like the food?” he adds still confuse. I shake my head and… “I love it… thank you!” I told him with a smile. I see a pink blush on his cheeks and a shy smile too. I look at his eyes, and he look at me too. We mirror each other eyes. I still can’t forget the first time seeing that sparkling eyes of him… beautiful like Milky Way. That face full of kindness and the love that he give me until now never change.
“I LOVE YOU!” we utter in unison.
We burst into laughter and that’s the most beautiful sound I want to hear every day.