Work Text:
Lan Zhan's earliest memory was sitting on the floor in his mother's room watching The Sound of Music.
He doesn't remember much of what happened in the movie, just a dance. The couple, who had been hiding their love for one another, came together to show the children a traditional dance. Lan Zhan remembered the longing in their eyes, the way they held their breath, the synchronization of their movements as if they had danced together a hundred times over.
He was sure, at that moment, that that was what love looked like, and he wanted nothing more in the world than to find something like that one day.
Days later, the scene from the movie had not left his thoughts. So, he decided to write his own story about it, as he often did when thoughts refused to leave him be. He liked to write and was often praised for it by his mother and brother.
In his story, a man was taking a stroll through the forest when he met a beautiful creature playing the dizi. The man stopped, enchanted by the music and the beauty. When the creature finished playing, he thanked the man for listening to his song, as no one had done so before, and offered to grant him a wish. The man, who fell for the creature, at first sight, asked for a dance. The creature agreed. When they finished dancing, the man asked the creature to marry him. The creature gladly accepted, and the two lived happily ever after.
After Lan Zhan had finished writing the story, he walked briskly (running was forbidden in the household) to his mother's room and showed her. When she finished reading the story, she smiled sadly at him.
"Oh, my grand romantic," she cooed as she pulled him into her lap, "your story is very sweet A-Zhan. But unfortunately, Lan's cannot marry for love."
Lan Zhan was confused. What other reason was there to marry other than love?
He would not receive an answer to that question until many years later.
---
Lan Zhan realized from a young age that his family was very different from others. Most lived in homes that fit their family of four. Lan Zhan lived in a large estate. Most had a mother, father, and maybe a sibling. Lan Zhan had an Uncle, brother, and a bunch of older people that his brother called "the elders." Most of his classmate's parents made the rules in their house. For Lan Zhan, the elders made the rules.
For the most part, Lan Zhan didn't have much to complain about. He had a large house, plenty of money, and was given great opportunities in life.
But there were times when the world he had grown up in had made his life difficult.
In high school, Lan Zhan had brought home his first boyfriend to meet his family. They were the same age and were in some of the same activities together. He was smart, funny, and kind. Lan Zhan was smitten quite early on and was shocked to hear that his feelings were returned. They had been dating for 3 months, and Lan Zhan was eager to have him meet his family.
Had he known how it would turn out, he wouldn't have done so.
Lan Huan was the first to greet them when they arrived at the estate. He smiled at the pair.
"Lan Zhan, who is this? A friend?" he asked kindly.
"No. Brother, this is my boyfriend," Lan Zhan replied.
Lan Huan's face changed suddenly, shifting into one of horror. "A-Zhan, listen you must-"
Before he could finish, however, his uncle and the elders came into the room.
"Lan Zhan, who is this?" one of the elders asked.
"This is my boyfriend."
The elder's faces grew cold. They sneered at the pair and began to murmur to one another.
"A-Zhan, did I do something wrong?" his boyfriend asked.
Lan Zhan felt perplexed and angry. Why was everyone acting like this? Did they not see how happy he was? How in love? Why were they treating his boyfriend like this?
"No, you did not do anything wrong. I am not sure why they are acting this way."
"A-Zhan," Lan Qiren chimed in, "I think it's best if your…friend leaves. We need to talk."
"Uncle-"
"A-Zhan, you best listen to him. I'll escort him out," Lan Huan said, grabbing his boyfriend's arm and leading him towards the doors.
Once the door was closed, Lan Zhan rounded on the group. "What was that? How could you treat him that way?!"
"How disgraceful," an elder hissed.
"Does he not know his place?" another added.
"Honestly Lan Qiren, how have you been raising this boy? His head is in the clouds! He must understand his duty!"
Lan Qiren sighed before bowing to the elders. "My apologies. I will talk to him"
That seemed to satisfy the group and they left the pair alone.
"Uncle, talk to me about what?"
"A-Zhan, sit." Lan Zhan did as he was told. "The Lan family has a long history of being influential. We have been world leaders, local leaders, celebrities, doctors-"
"I remember from my lessons Uncle."
Lan Qiren glared at him for interrupting. Lan Zhan was still too angry to care. "The way we have been able to stay influential for so many years is by arranging marriages."
"Arranging marriages?"
"Yes. The elders find us matches from well-off families, ones that can benefit ours, and arrange marriages to secure an alliance. All of the Lan children must obey this rule if they want what's best for the family."
Lan Zhan sat stunned. Arranged marriages. It seemed unfathomable to him. His head hurt and his chest felt tight. "But father married for love."
"And he was driven into the grave because of it," his uncle responded, his voice sounding hollow and sad. "The elders were furious when they heard he had eloped with your mother. They made sure he was working constantly to keep them apart, as punishment for what he did. Being left alone with this family caused your mother to seclude herself, and the constant work led your father to his death."
Lan Zhan closed his eyes and choked back the tears. Talking about his parents still hurt. "You never married uncle," he said eventually.
Lan Qiren smiled sadly. "I was meant to, but my intended ran away before we could. The elders thought it best that I did not marry after that to avoid scandal. I always wonder what happened to her. I hope she is in a better place…" he was silent for a second, before clearing his throat. "But you see, we cannot marry for love Lan Zhan. The elders will find a match for you one day. It is what is best for the family."
Lan Zhan's eyes stung. He wanted to protest, to scream, to refuse. But he loved his family, and they were all that he had. Did he ever really have a choice?
"I understand uncle," he said, before standing and leaving the room.
"He's a romantic you know," he heard Lan Huan say as he walked away. "This will not be easy for him."
"He must learn how to push it down," Lan Qiren responded. "There is no room for romantics in this family. I do not wish to see what happened to my brother happen to him."
That night, Lan Zhan called his boyfriend and broke up with him. He didn't give an explanation why, just that they couldn't be together. He listened as the man he thought he loved called him a cold, heartless bastard before hanging up.
Lan Zhan laid on his bed. He felt tears roll down his cheeks, but he did not cry. His uncle's words kept repeating in his head. He must learn how to push it down. He closed his eyes and steeled himself to be the cold, heartless bastard his ex thought him to be.
---
As much as he tried, it was not easy to stifle the romantic in him. In college, he met all kinds of exciting, handsome, wonderful men that he felt himself falling for. But every time they asked him on a date or invited him back to their room, his uncle's words rang in his head. Push it down, push it down, push it down.
He turned to writing as a means to escape his inner torment. He would think of the men he wished he could be with and would write entire novels of their dream life together. By the end of his sophomore year, his dorm was filled with stacks of notebooks.
"You should consider publishing these," his friend Mianmian said as she flipped through one of the notebooks.
"Do you think anyone would read them?"
"I would."
"You are only reading them because you are hiding out in my dorm room yet again because you got into a fight with your girlfriend and you do not want to deal with it."
A notebook collided with the back of his head, causing him to yelp.
"I'm serious, asshole. You're fucking talented and you know it. Look, my cousin's father owns a publishing company. If you want I can help you type one of these stories up and I can send it in."
Lan Zhan considered it. He remembered how much joy his stories brought to his mother. If he could bring that joy to someone else, then wouldn't it be worth it? He had yet to choose a major as well and had enjoyed his creative writing class last spring.
But, these stories were personal and very embarrassing in hindsight. What if one of the men realized he was writing about them? He didn't change much of their characteristics.
Mianmian seemed to sense his worry, as she said, "if you're worried about someone finding out, write under a pseudonym."
"…You think people will like them?"
"Yes! Of course, they will! Come on, which one is your favorite?"
Lan Zhan pointed to a stack that read Fire on Fire.
"Really? You just had to pick the longest one, huh? Alright, let's get to work."
It took them a few weeks to type up the large stack-up notebooks, but their work paid off. Lan Zhan was signed onto Lanling Publishing almost instantly and began his romance novelist career.
---
However, like most good things, they must come to an end. While Lan Zhan enjoyed his post-graduate life of writing novels, being single, and meeting up with Mianmian to hear about her latest failed relationship, he knew that it couldn't last.
He stared at the text from his Uncle informing him about an upcoming family dinner. He was no fool. They rarely had dinner with the elders. He knew what they were meeting for.
They had found Lan Zhan a husband.
"His name is Su She," one of the elders said. "He is the founder of Moling Su Co., an up-and-coming corporation that has some fairly close connections with other big corporations. Marrying him will give us an into many families."
Lan Zhan took a deep breath. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear their reasoning for giving him away to someone. He just wanted them to tell him a name and place to meet the man and let him go home so he could cry into his pillow.
Lan Huan nudged him. Oh, he had been quiet for too long.
"I understand. Where and when shall I meet him?" Lan Zhan asked evenly.
He ignored the pitying looks his uncle and brother gave him.
He met Su She several days later at a restaurant. If Lan Zhan could use one word to describe Su She, it would be phony. He acted like an emperor despite only having just entered high society. His clothes were ostentatious, letting everyone know that he had money. And the way he spoke was as if he thought himself to be the most interesting man in the world, and therefore why would Lan Zhan not want to be with him.
Occasionally, perhaps when he needed a second to breathe between his endless stream of chatter, he would ask Lan Zhan questions. He asked Lan Zhan what he did, what his interests were, what his family was like.
Upon hearing that he was a novelist, Su She scoffed.
"A novelist. What kind of career is that? Anyone can write something and get published."
Lan Zhan glared, causing the other man to gulp. He laughed awkwardly before continuing to talk about himself. It took a great amount of willpower for Lan Zhan to not shatter the glass in his hand out of anger.
Thankfully, although not soon enough, the date came to an end. Lan Zhan was left standing outside the restaurant waiting for an Uber as his date drove away. He had not been offered a ride home, only given a quick peck and told how exciting it must be to be able to marry him, and that the next time they met he would show Lan Zhan around the company. In a way, Lan Zhan was grateful that he didn't have to spend another second with his fiancé (oh god, he was getting married to this man). But at the same time, it was date etiquette 101 to offer your date a ride home.
Instead of going home, Lan Zhan showed up at Mianmian's doorstep with a bottle of tequila. The two spent the night taking shots as Lan Zhan lamented his engagement to the literal worst man on earth.
"We can run away you know," Mianmian said, resting her head on Lan Zhan's shoulder. The two were sitting on her balcony, the fairy light emitting a soft glow as they looked out over the city. It would be a tad chilly were there not currently alcohol burning through their veins. "We could buy an apartment in some city somewhere. We could be 'Will and Grace' except we'd both be gay!"
"I would like nothing more," Lan Zhan replied.
"…but?"
"…but."
"Ah…but."
Mianmian wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. She continued to hold him as he cried.
---
Lan Zhan looked from his phone to the sign. It read Lotus Dance Company. This was the place. Lan Zhan sighed and made his way up the stairs.
He was exhausted. Never in his life did he think wedding planning would be so draining. It was always something new he had to do or look at or taste or listen to. He had to try on suits, pick a venue, pick a band, taste cakes, choose a photographer, and so on.
And now, he was being sent to study ballroom dancing for the reception. His fiancé already knew ballroom dancing and didn't want to take time out of his very busy schedule as the CEO of a corporation (his words, not Lan Zhan's) to do something so frivolous. So Lan Zhan went to the lessons alone.
He opened the door to the reception area and was greeted by a pretty girl in a purple leotard and a purple, sheer skirt.
"Hello," she said in a sweet voice. "What can I do for you?"
"Hello. My name is Lan Zhan. I am scheduled to take ballroom classes."
The girl turned to the computer and typed in a few things before smiling. "Ah yes. We have you down. Why don't you take a seat? A-Ying is just finishing up a class and will be with you once he's finished. Would you like some tea while you wait?"
Lan Zhan nodded. "Yes please."
She went into a back room as Lan Zhan sat down and returned a few minutes later with a mug of green tea.
"My name is Jiang Yanli, by the way. My family owns this dance company. You'll be working with one of my brothers. Have you ever taken dance lessons before?"
Lan Zhan shook his head. Jiang Yanli smiled kindly.
"I could tell. You seem a bit nervous. That's alright though. A-Ying is a very patient teacher. Much better than A-Cheng. Why did you decide to take dance lessons?"
"It's for my wedding reception."
"Oh, you're engaged! You must be so excited!"
Lan Zhan didn't mean to, but he grimaced.
"Ah, I see. It's like that then," she said a bit sadly. She reminded Lan Zhan much of his older brother. She was kind and seemed very genuine. "Well, we can't help you with that, but we teach you to dance!"
"Teach who to dance?" someone said behind her.
Lan Zhan looked behind her and almost dropped the mug in his hand. Standing there was the most gorgeous man he had seen. He had long black hair that was tied back with a red scrunchie. The baby hairs that framed his forehead curled from the sweat that was running down his face. His eyes were a beautiful shade of silver and his smile was radiant. His chiseled body was framed by a tight red tee and tight black leggings.
He was handsome, captivating, enchanting. Lan Zhan was suddenly reminded of the story he wrote his mother years ago, of a beautiful creature and an ordinary man entranced by the creature's song and appearance. How Lan Zhan felt like that man now, not worthy to listen to his melodic voice but too captivated to walk away.
"A-Ying, this is Lan Zhan. He's your private lesson."
Lan Zhan set the mug on the coffee table and went over to the man. He extended his hand. "Hello, A-Ying. It's nice to meet you."
The man flushed. It took Lan Zhan a second to realize that he probably shouldn't speak so formally to a stranger.
"Ah, haha, Lan Zhan, you can call me Wei Ying." He took Lan Zhan's hand a shook it. "Are you ready for an hour of torture Lan Zhan?" Lan Zhan grimaced, causing Wei Ying to throw his head back and laugh. "I'm just kidding! I'll go easy on you. Follow me and we'll get started."
Jiang Yanli waved goodbye and Lan Zhan bowed in thanks. He followed Wei Ying into a smaller studio and put his bag down by the door. Then, Wei Ying asked him the question he had been dreading answering since meeting him.
"So Lan Zhan, why do you want to learn to dance?"
Lan Zhan looked to the ground, shuffling his feet. "It's for my wedding."
Silence met his answer. After a while, Lan Zhan dared to look up. Wei Ying quickly plastered on a smile. It looked fake to Lan Zhan.
"Congratulations," Wei Ying said, sounding strained.
"No!" Lan Zhan quickly corrected.
Wei Ying raised an eyebrow. "No?"
Oh god. Lan Zhan could feel it. He could feel the feeling make a home in his heart. He could feel the words threatening to climb their way up his throat. He had tried so hard, for so many years, to kill this feeling. He had tried to smother it, to drown it in tears, to hang his heart. But no matter how hard he tried, he was a romantic. It was in his nature to want to love and to be loved in return. And Wei Ying, this beautiful creature, unknowingly threatened to free those feelings, threatened to allow Lan Zhan to be Lan Zhan again.
But the shadows in his mind began to engulf him. They were faceless, the only distinguishable feature about them was their glaring eyes. They whispered, Disgrace. Know your place. How have you raised him? Push it down. Push it down. PUSH IT DOWN.
Lan Zhan felt panic begin to set in. His chest felt heavy and his throat felt tight. He tried to remember the grounding technique that Mianmian taught him, and within a few seconds, he was able to breathe again.
He looked up to see Wei Ying still staring at him, looking a bit worried.
"It's…it's complicated."
Wei Ying continued to look confused. "Well," he said after a beat, "I don't know if I can help with all that, but I can at least teach you how to dance?"
Lan Zhan let out a breath. He was grateful that Wei Ying hadn't caught on to his inner turmoil. He nodded and walked over to Wei Ying.
Wei Ying began the lesson by standing next to him, describing a square that he wanted Lan Zhan to picture on the ground. He then moved his feet within that square, telling him to do the same. After tripping on his feet once or twice, Lan Zhan began to get the hang of it. Wei Ying praised him, before moving to a speaker and turning on some music. He instructed Lan Zhan to follow the beat. He was more than equipped for this, as he had spent much of his childhood playing the qugin.
"Excellent Lan Zhan! You did great today. I hope I didn't torture you too much?"
Lan Zhan couldn't help it. He smiled, "On the contrary." He had quite enjoyed his time with Wei Ying.
Wei Ying blushed. "Right. I'll see you next week Lan Zhan!"
Lan Zhan nodded and left.
---
Lan Zhan arrived at the dance studio at the same time the next week. Jiang Yanli told him to sit and brought him a mug of tea. He asked her how her lessons were going, and she seemed excited to tell him.
This time when Wei Ying came to greet him, he was followed by a gaggle of children, one of which was climbing him.
"Ah Zizhen, hold on! You'll fall!" he adjusted Zizhen from his hip and placed him on his shoulders. The kids began to talk over one another, asking Wei Ying to carry them as well. Wei Ying laughed and told them he only had enough shoulders for one. "But maybe Lan Zhan can carry someone." Wei Ying gave Lan Zhan a mischievous smirk, and he felt his heart race.
The kids turned to look at him, before he was suddenly surrounded by them, all of them begging him at once to pick them up.
"I was joking! Kids quit bugging him." Wei Ying place Zizhen back onto the ground and made his way over to Lan Zhan. He pulled the kids off of him before pulling him up from his seat. "Sorry, Lan Zhan. I didn't think they'd listen."
"It is alright."
Wei Ying smiled at him. He turned to the kids. "Alright kids, why don't you go with Jiang-laoshi and she will take you to your parents?"
The kids whined in disappointment, but did as they were told, waving to Wei Ying and Lan Zhan as they left the room.
"Wei Ying is good with children."
"Why thank you! They're good kids. Lots of fun. They keep me on my toes that's for sure."
"Does Wei Ying want kids someday?"
Wait, what? Why did he ask that? That's the last thing you ask your dance instructor.
Wei Ying just blushed and laughed. "Ya. Ya, I'd love kids someday. What about you Lan Zhan? Do you and your…" Wei Ying's expression fell, "fiancé want kids?"
Lan Zhan shivered at the thought. One Su She was bad enough, but multiple? That was his greatest nightmare.
"No, I do not want kids with him." Lan Zhan spat.
Wei Ying chuckled. He looked almost smug. "Wow, Lan Zhan, don't get too excited will you?"
Lan Zhan glared, causing Wei Ying to outright laugh. He softened at the sound. It was impossible to be upset with this man, wasn't it?
"Come on Lan Zhan, let's get going with your lesson."
Wei Ying taught him the basics of ballroom dance. He made sure not to give him difficult choreography, as Su She was not there to choreography anything. Wei Ying stood next to him again, having him mirror the steps from beside him. Once he got the hang of it, he'd turn on some music so he could do it in tempo.
"Are you sure you've never danced before?" Wei Ying asked at the end of their lesson. "You're a natural."
"My mother was a dancer. Perhaps I inherited it from her."
"You never saw her dance?"
Lan Zhan shook his head sadly. "Only pictures. She stopped dancing when she met my father."
Wei Ying gave him a sympathetic look. He sat down next to Lan Zhan, who was packing up his bag. "My parents were competitive ballroom dancers. They were amazing. They won all kinds of titles." He paused. "They were on their way to a competition when they got into the accident that killed them."
"I am so sorry," Lan Zhan said quietly. If anyone knew the heartbreak that came with losing a parent, it was him.
Wei Ying gave him a sad smile. "Thanks. It's alright though. Uncle Jiang took me in, and they trained me to be a ballroom dancer myself. If I can't have them here with me, at least I can carry on their legacy, right?"
Lan Zhan nodded. "Wei Ying is doing a wonderful job carrying on their legacy."
"Thanks, Lan Zhan. I'm sure your parents would be proud of you too."
Would they? Is this the life they would've wanted for Lan Zhan? Trapped in a loveless engagement? Residing himself to be no more than a trophy for someone to flaunt around at parties?
"Lan Zhan, are you ok?"
He returned to himself and nodded. "I should go."
"Oh, ya, don't let me hold you up."
"Wei Ying would never. I simply did not want to take more time away from your break."
"How did you know I had a break?"
"Your sister told me."
Wei Ying smiled. "Well, I'll let you go today, but don't feel like you have to run away. I'd be happy to spend my break with you."
Lan Zhan smiled and nodded. He'd keep that in mind for next time.
---
Lan Zhan stood as still as a statue.
"Lan Zhan, loosen up, will you? I know me touching you is not the most pleasant experience, but bear with me."
"It's not that," Lan Zhan quickly corrected. It was far from that. Having Wei Ying touch him was extremely pleasant. That was the problem.
"We have to get you used to holding and leading. By the way, who is leading?"
Lan Zhan shrugged. He hadn't talked about it with Su She. Then again, he rarely talked about anything with Su She.
Wei Ying thought for a second. "Let's have you lead. Your fiancé seems like a bitch so why not mess him up?"
Lan Zhan couldn't help it. He threw his head back and laughed.
Wei Ying stared at him in awe for a second, before laughing himself, his face red. "There we go. You see? You're much more relaxed now. Guess all I needed to do was insult your fiancé to get you there."
"Please feel free to use that method again," Lan Zhan said, still chuckling.
"I'll keep that in mind. Now, here's how this is going to work…"
Wei Ying guided him through the motions of the dance, going as slowly as possible, and ignoring the few times that Lan Zhan stepped on his feet.
It took Lan Zhan a bit longer to learn the steps this time. He was constantly distracted by the feeling of Wei Ying's hand in his, of how small his waist was, of the heat radiating off of his body.
Eventually, though, he figured it out.
"Lan Zhan, you're a natural at this," Wei Ying said, looking into his eyes and giving him a sunny smile.
He felt his ears warm and looked away shyly. "It's because I have a good teacher."
Wei Ying chuckled. "True. Care to join me on my break?"
Lan Zhan nodded. "I'd like that."
It wasn't until Lan Zhan was about to leave that he noticed they hadn't let go of each other's hands.
---
At the two-month mark, Lan Zhan had learned enough to be able to execute a flawless performance at his wedding.
However, he continued to take lessons, unwilling to stop seeing Wei Ying.
Wei Ying must have felt the same, as he did not mention that his wedding dance was choreographed and finished. Instead, he began to choreograph other dances.
It was fun and liberating. It was what Lan Zhan imagined dance to be in all those romance movies he saw as a kid. He hadn't felt this light since his engagement had been announced.
Lan Zhan fell to the ground in a thud at the end of their lesson, sweating and panting. When Wei Ying had realized how quickly Lan Zhan picked up on choreography, he didn't hold back.
Wei Ying let out a breathless chuckle before following suit, sitting next to Lan Zhan and leaning against his side.
Once the pair had practiced holding, a barrier had dropped between them. Touches came easily and naturally for the two of them. They had a connection that Lan Zhan had been searching and longing for his entire life.
To put it simply, he was in love with Wei Ying.
But he could never have Wei Ying.
Lan Zhan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The emotions were clawing at him again, threatening to tear him open. Push it down, push it down, push it down, he thought to himself, repeating it over and over again like a prayer.
"Hey Lan Zhan," Wei Ying said suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. "I want to try some choreo to a different song. You down?"
Lan Zhan couldn't help but groan. "Was this the so-called torture you were telling me about when I started?"
Wei Ying laughed. "Yup! Just be glad you managed to avoid it for this long. Come on, I really want to dance with you! Please?"
Lan Zhan's heart felt like it was going to burst. He sighed in resignation. He could never say no to Wei Ying. Why did he try to? "Fine."
"Yay!" Wei Ying stood and grabbed Lan Zhan's hands to help him to his feet. He then went over to his phone and loaded up a song.
The two got into position, Wei Ying taking the lead, and began moving seamlessly with the music, fully in sync with one another's steps.
My mother said I'm too romantic
She said, "You're dancing in the movies"
I almost started to believe her
Then I saw you and I knew
It didn't matter that they had never rehearsed the dance before. Where Wei Ying moved, Lan Zhan followed, like a sunflower seeking out the sun. It was designed by nature itself.
Maybe it's 'cause I got a little bit older
Maybe it's all that I've been through
I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder
And how I see myself with you
"Lan Zhan, can I ask you something?" Wei Ying asked after pulling him up from a dip.
"Mn."
"When you told me you were getting married, you said it was complicated."
"…mn"
"Why?"
He took a deep breath. "It is an arranged marriage by our families. I am not…fond of the man."
"You mean you don't love him?"
Lan Zhan looked into Wei Ying's shining silver eyes. "No. I do not love him." Wei Ying sucked in a breath. He continued. "It is what is expected of me. It's what my family wants. It's for my family's reputation."
Wei Ying took a shaky breath. "But it's not what you want." Lan Zhan stayed silent. He couldn't answer that. "Have you ever thought of…not doing it?"
Lan Zhan's eyes widened. His hand tightened around Wei Ying's.
I don't say a word
But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know
There you go, saving me from out of the cold
"Yes," he said quietly, as if afraid to say it as if saying it will release the emotions he's tried so hard to repress for so long. "Several times."
"Then what's stopping you?" Wei Ying asked breathlessly.
With those words, the demons in Lan Zhan's head fell silent, the emotions clawing their way up his throat evaporated, and the grand romantic, the feeling he tried so hard to kill for so long, stepped out of its coffin and walked free.
"I don't know," he responded.
Fire on fire would normally kill us
But this much desire, together, we're winners
They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners
But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms
'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me
And look in my eyes
You are perfection, my only direction
It's fire on fire
At some point, they had stopped dancing. They were standing there, staring at one another, waiting for some big moment. And it came.
He wasn't sure who moved first, but suddenly his lips found Wei Ying's and they were kissing. They fit together perfectly as if they were made for one another as if they were meant to be doing this. Lan Zhan let go of Wei Ying's hand so he could wrap them around his waist. Wei Ying's fingers tangled into his hair.
He pulled him closer, deepening their kiss, slipping his tongue past his parted lips hungrily as if tasting the forbidden fruit.
Wei Ying moaned into his mouth and it set Lan Zhan's body aflame. Wei Ying was so beautiful, so brilliant, so good, and he WANTED him.
But you can never have him, a voice whispered.
Reality hit him quickly and painfully. He pulled back from Wei Ying, gasping for breath.
He shouldn't have don't that, he thought to himself. He was engaged. He was meant to be getting married soon. And yet here he was, standing in a dance studio, kissing his probable soulmate, and he was supposed to feel guilty, but he couldn't.
His head throbbed. He felt confused, so confused. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what he wanted.
"Lan Zhan, what did I do? I'm so sorry…" Wei Ying said. Lan Zhan looked up at him and saw a mix of emotions: guilt, horror, sadness, fear.
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan began, before trailing off helplessly. What should he do? He should go home, he thought. He should go home and think. "I'm sorry. I need to leave."
With that, he turned on his heels, grabbed his bag, and all but ran out of the studio, leaving Wei Ying and the broken pieces of his heart behind.
---
Lan Zhan burst into the house, ignoring his brother's worried calls and making a beeline for his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He collapsed onto his bed, sobbing.
He had not cried this hard since the death of his mother. How he wished she was here right now. She knew him better than anyone. She would know what to say. She would know how to fix this.
His chest hurt. Whether it was from the sobs or his breaking heart he couldn't tell. He thought of Wei Ying, his beautiful, brilliant creature. He thought of his smile, his laugh, how gracefully he moves around a room as if it was effortless. He thought about the warmth of his skin, the way he practically vibrated with untapped energy, how it was almost impossible for him to stay still.
He thought about how good it felt to be around him, how he felt safe, how he felt more like himself than he had in years. He thought about how he had never felt like that around Su She, not even for a second.
He thought about what he wanted, and what he could never have.
Tears still stinging his eyes, he closed them. Eventually, he managed to fall asleep. He dreamt of Wei Ying smiling and dancing on their wedding day.
He was awoken sometime later by a knock at the door. It was Lan Huan.
"A-Zhan," he said, shutting the door and sitting next to him on the bed, "do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
Lan Huan was the only one that could ask Lan Zhan that question and get an answer. No matter the situation, when his brother asked him in that soft voice of his what was wrong, Lan Zhan was never strong enough to refuse. He would break down and tell him everything.
And tell him he did. He didn't leave out any detail, any emotion, any action. By the end of his story, Lan Huan was looking as heartbroken as Lan Zhan felt.
"Oh A-Zhan, I'm so sorry," he whispered, pulling Lan Zhan into a hug.
"What do I do brother?"
"What does your heart want?"
He bawled. "Wei Ying."
"Then I think you know what you need to do."
He pulled back from the hug. "But-"
"A-Zhan quit worrying about the family. Don't worry about what the elder will say, or about our reputation. They will get over it and we will be fine. Stop carrying that burden and follow your heart." Lan Huan pushed a stray strand of hair behind his ear and gave him a small smile. "You've always been a romantic A-Zhan. It's time you show it to someone deserving of you."
He pulled his brother into another hug. "Thank you."
"Of course. I will always be on your side. I promise."
Lan Zhan pulled back and his brother wiped away his tears. "Now, go get your man!"
He nodded before running down the hall to the front door. He quickly pulled on his shoes and a jacket before opening it. He froze when he saw who was there.
"Wei Ying," he gasped.
Wei Ying's hand was raised, prepared to knock on the door. He was soaking wet. At some point, after Lan Zhan had left the studio, it had started to rain. Had he run to his house in the rain? Wei Ying laughed awkwardly and dropped his hand. "Heh, hey Lan Zhan."
"What are you doing here?"
"Look I know that this is a total violation of your rights because I definitely got your address from our system, and you can call the police or sue me or whatever, but I had to come and tell you something."
"Wei Ying-"
"No, Lan Zhan, I need to tell you…DON'T GET MARRIED!"
Lan Zhan blinked. "…what?"
Wei Ying's eyes were wet. "Don't get married. Please don't get married. He's not good enough for you Lan Zhan. He doesn't deserve you. And I…I love you. I do. And I don't want you to marry him. I want-"
Lan Zhan cut him off with a searing kiss. Wei Ying froze for a second, before melting into it. He let his heart settle. He felt the voices and emotions slip away, this time for good. He felt as they were replaced by feelings of love and acceptance and joy. He felt the grand romantic make home in his heart, never to be evicted again.
"Ok," Lan Zhan said when they broke apart. "Ok Wei Ying. I won't get married. I love you too."
Wei Ying was sobbing now. "Lan Zhan, be with me?"
"Yes. Yes, Wei Ying. Always."
They were about to kiss again when heard a sniffle coming from behind Lan Zhan. They turned to see Lan Huan standing in the living room watching the two of them.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, but A-Zhan, if Mother could see you now." Lan Zhan smiled at his brother. "Oh, where are my manners. You must be Wei Ying, yes?"
Wei Ying laughed as Lan Zhan stepped aside and let him into the house. He wrapped his arm around Wei Ying's waist and led him to the couch as Lan Huan went to find him a towel.
---
Lan Zhan had begged him to spend the night, but Wei Ying said no, stating that he didn't want to cause more of a scandal than he already was. They agreed to meet the next day for dinner with Lan Qiren.
Lan Zhan picked Wei Ying up at the dance studio at six. He walked into the reception area with a bouquet and took his usual seat.
"Are these for A-Ying?" Jiang Yanli said as he walked in.
Lan Zhan blushed. "Mn."
She gave him a knowing smile. "Treat him well Lan Zhan."
Lan Zhan nodded. "I will."
Just then, Wei Ying walked in with the group of kids he met weeks ago. Upon seeing him, they immediately ran over.
Like before, they were all talking at once, asking him question after question.
"Who are the flowers for?" a boy, he thinks his name is Zizhen, asks.
"They are for Wei-laoshi," Lan Zhan said without shame.
The kids began to squeal in delight. Lan Zhan looked up and saw Wei Ying trying his hardest to hide his blushing face.
"Do you like Wei-laoshi?" Zizhen asked.
Lan Zhan smiled and tapped him on the nose. "Mn. Very much."
"Ahh, that's enough of embarrassing Wei-laoshi! Kids, go wait with Jiang-laoshi."
The kids groaned but did as they were told, leaving the couple alone.
"For you," Lan Zhan said, handing Wei Ying the flowers.
Wei Ying gave him a sunny, beautiful smile. "Lan Zhan. You're such a romantic. You didn't have to you know."
"Wanted to."
Wei Ying blushed prettily. "Ahh hold them for a second while I go change. I won't be long." He handed the flowers back to Lan Zhan and scurried off to the changing rooms. Lan Zhan couldn't help but chuckle. Wei Ying was so cute.
A few minutes later, Wei Ying returned, wearing a red sweater and black formal pants. He left his hair mostly down, pulling the front back with his red scrunchie.
Lan Zhan's breath caught. He hadn't realized until this point that he had never seen Wei Ying out of his dance clothes.
"Well, how do I look?" he asked nervously, adjusting the sleeves of his sweater.
Lan Zhan walked up to him and pulled him into a deep kiss. Wei Ying moaned into it.
"Wei Ying is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen," he said breathlessly.
Wei Ying's face turned bright red before he shoved his face into his chest. "Lan Zhan! You can't just say things like that."
Lan Zhan chuckled, pulling Wei Ying's face up to look at him. "Ok. I won't speak." He kissed Wei Ying again.
"Ew! Jiang-laoshi, their kissing!" one of the kids exclaimed.
Lan Zhan pulled away and blushed as Wei Ying threw his head back and laughed.
"Come on, Lan Zhan. Let's get going."
He took the flowers out of Lan Zhan's hand as Lan Zhan led him to the car.
Wei Ying got more nervous the closer they got to Lan Zhan's house. Lan Zhan reached over the counsel and grabbed his hand.
"Wei Ying, it will be ok."
"How do you know Lan Zhan? I'm the scum that's stealing away his darling, already engaged nephew."
"You are not stealing me. I am choosing to be with you."
Wei Ying smiled and kissed his knuckles.
"And you are not scum. That term is reserved for Su She."
Wei Ying threw his head back and laughed. Lan Zhan smiled at the sound and held it close to his heart.
He pulled into the driveway and parked the car, running around to the other side to open the door for Wei Ying. He grabbed his hand, walked up to the door, and opened it.
Lan Qiren was first to greet them. He looked at the two of them, then at their joined hands, and sighed.
"Lan Huan said to be expecting a guest. Come on."
They followed Lan Qiren to the living room. Lan Zhan pulled Wei Ying to sit down next to him on the couch.
"What is this all about then?" Lan Qiren asked.
Lan Zhan took a deep breath. Wei Ying squeezed his hand. He clutched onto it like a lifeline.
"Uncle, I will not marry Su She." Lan Qiren made to protest, but Lan Zhan continued. "He does not support me uncle, and he does not make me happy. But Wei Ying does. I would like the chance to date and eventually, marry Wei Ying."
Lan Qiren glared for a second, before sighing. "This is highly unorthodox, Lan Zhan. Think of the family's reputation."
"Wei Ying has a good reputation. He is a renowned dancer and co-owns a studio. Plus, this is not the first engagement we have called off in our family's history. Remember yours?"
"How could I forget." Lan Qiren grumbled, before stroking his beard. He stared at Wei Ying. "What did you say your name was?"
"Wei Ying," he replied.
"What is your mother's name?"
"Cangse Sanren."
Lan Qiren paled.
"…uncle?" Lan Huan asked, voice full of concern.
"Sanren…you never could let me forget could you…" Lan Qiren whispered.
Wei Ying looked at Lan Zhan hesitantly before asking, "did you know my mother?"
Lan Qiren stared off into space for a few seconds longer, before clearing his throat and looking at Wei Ying with a softened gaze. "Yes, I knew your mother. We were childhood friends and were arranged to be married. But, she eloped with another man before we could do so."
"That was Wei Ying's mother?" Lan Zhan asked, shocked.
"Yes."
"Xiansheng, I loved my mother, but I hope you will not hold her actions against me."
Lan Qiren gave him a kind smile, taking Lan Zhan and Lan Huan by surprise. "Of course not child. I never resented your mother for her actions. While I did love her, I knew this life would not suit her, and I was happy she was able to find freedom and love with someone else. And now, her child has come into my life to bless me with her presence once more." He turned to Lan Zhan. "I will call off the engagement and speak to the elders. It will be dealt with."
Lan Zhan sighed and smiled at his uncle. "Thank you, Uncle."
Lan Qiren nodded and went to check on dinner. Lan Huan followed, giving them a wink as he left.
"Soooo," Wei Ying said.
"So."
"Now that you're single, let me properly ask you. Lan Zhan, will you date me?"
Lan Zhan chuckled. "Yes," he replied, leaning in to kiss Wei Ying. Wei Ying smiled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer.
Lan Zhan's heart soared. He felt more like himself than he ever had. He felt no need to hide his emotions, his passions, his deep well of love for the man in his arms. He basked in the feeling, pulling Wei Ying into a tight embrace.
When they parted, Lan Zhan stood, moving to an old record player that had been handed down to him by his father. He flipped through his mother's records and pulled out a well-worn one. He placed it in the player, before walking back over to Wei Ying.
He held out his hand. Wei Ying smiled shyly as he placed his hand into it. In one swift motion, Lan Zhan pulled him up and into his arms. He wrapped one hand around his waist and kept the other held in Wei Ying's hand and began to gently sway them to the music. Wei Ying wrapped his arm around his neck and laid his head on his shoulder.
"I love you," Wei Ying said, placing a kiss on his neck.
"I love you too," Lan Zhan said, kissing the top of his head.
"Should we tell them that dinner is ready?" Lan Huan whispered to Lan Qiren.
Lan Qiren smiled and shook his head. "Later. We can always heat it again."
They left the pair swaying in the living room, unwilling to interrupt their moment of bliss.
---
Lan Zhan typed out the finishing touches on his novel before leaning back in his chair and sighing.
"Everything ok husband?" Wei Ying asked, wrapping his arms around Lan Zhan's neck from behind. The setting sun hit the gold band on his finger, causing it to glimmer.
"Mn. Just tired. I finished the book," Lan Zhan said, bringing his husband's hand to his lips and placing a kiss on his knuckles.
"You finished the book?! Can I read it?"
"Not now."
"Huh? Why not?"
Lan Zhan stood and turned to his husband. "Because we have an hour until we meet my brother and uncle for dinner, and I'd much rather spend it in bed with you."
"Oh," Wei Ying said stunned, his face flushing. He squeaked as Lan Zhan lifted him over his shoulder and led them out of the study.
The laptop was left open, a document still up. The screen showed the forward to Lan Zhan's novel. Written were the words:
To my mother:
Mom, I think I'm ready to free this grand romantic in me.